I never imagined that I would become addicted to drugs and alcohol. I didn’t want to face reality. So I escaped it. I never imagined I’d be that person who would lie to friends and family in
order to hide the pain, fear, drugs and alcohol. But I did. I hurt them deeply. I never imagined that I would overdose My friends called the paramedics. I scared them. I never imagined that I would go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I was shaking. I was not judged. I never imagined that I would endure through withdrawals. I suffered. It was so hard. I never imagined that I would make it to 30 days clean and sober. I began to see hope. I received a sobriety chip. I never imagined that I would make my parents proud by staying clean
and sober. I felt my heart soar. They said they loved me and were so proud of me. I never imagined that I would face life’s challenges with clarity and
courage. I am in recovery. I take things one day at a time.
527 Days Clean and Sober .
A trick of the mind, a cell locked in time
Where nothing is everything and everything is mine.
Make no mistake the mistakes are all made,
All the best laid plans on paper never get laid.
Love with full heart, to thy own self stay true
And doors thought to be closed will be open to you.
Trust in your wings, young grasshopper,
To fly you must jump
Keep moving, don’t stop, get out of this funk.
Now with a head full of ash I land on my knees
Praying to a needle for a little relief, a few moments of peace.
Will I ever be free?
What beauty, what glory?
Disaster is all I can see,
Mister Authority Figure,
When I grow up all I want is to no longer be.
14 days of Outpatient!!! That's 2 Weeks Clean And Sober!!!!
I have been working my ass off for two weeks!!! It’s been rough to go through all these horrendous withdrawals but now all these emotions are flooding my mind and it makes it even more difficult, I’m struggling. So I woke up and got dressed in comfy shorts and a light shirt to keep me cool cuz ik I’m going to be sweating. I get to the clinic and hop right in line and window two opens this is my third day on my 50mg dose. Today I think it finally hit me my sobriety needs to be forever it’s NOT just a break from getting high then return back to my old ways, I’m done that was it….no more dope :/!!! My anxiety kicks in and anger, frustration and all these aggressive emotions fill me up. I’m not happy, I haven’t found anything that brings me joy or happiness. I’m just empty there is no more excitement or joy, see when I was high I got that and now that I’ve lost that high I feel like I lost everything. I’m happy about my 14 days (2 weeks!!!) & all but these emotions and all the uncertainty of what the future holds take my happinesses away pretty quickly. I just hope tomorrow when I met with my counselor for our first session together she can help me sort through all these feelings. I just hope I don’t freeze up and shut down and say nothing; and work through nothing…. because I really need to get my mind right. I feel like I’m at a really fragile state, I just hope I don’t break….. One second at a time…
I really don’t have anything inspirational to say about
making it to 19 months clean and sober. I’ll be honest; I don’t like being sober these
days, but I care enough about my loved ones that I refuse to hurt them by throwing
away my recovery.
Two years of sobriety has taught me a lot: self control, dealing with emotions in a positive way, and understanding that it is better to let some things go that simply aren’t working.
I had talked before about the dreams I used to have after quitting. The dreams usually consisted of me drinking and suddenly waking up in a panic because it felt so real. I haven’t had one of those dreams in a very long time, that is until the night before my two year mark. The dream was so real. The beer in my hand felt realistic and when I took my first drink, I remember thinking “well, so much for two years.” Waking up I felt that same, familiar sense of panic. Finally, it dawned on me that it was only a dream, not reality. I had made it two full years without a single drop.
Reflecting back from where I came I’ve noticed how much I’ve grown. How, regardless of the suckiness of the feelings, I deal with them head on. I no longer turn away and find an escape.
I’m committing myself to writing more. I find that putting the words down is a wonderful way to propel myself forward. Here is to the next two years!