Recovery is a conscious choice. It’s not something brought about by repeat hospital visits and pills and forced therapy sessions. Those things only supplement it. But what recovery really is, is a conscious choice to wake up tomorrow and want to live. It’s a choice to drive across a bridge and not want to jump into the water, but to admire the view.
That is what my childhood best friend told me today as she smoked herself up…in front of me. She knows I’m sober and clean. She knows I’m trying really hard to right past mistakes and create a better life for myself.
I’m terrible at being assertive when it comes down to things like this. I know this and yet I still keep people in my life around who threaten my recovery. Why would I do that to myself you ask? I have no fucking idea.
I like chaos.
I like getting high.
I like getting drunk.
I like not feeling anything.
I love it.
But I love myself more. I love my family more. I love my sober life more. I will choose recovery over and over.
And I’m choosing to cut her out.
If you struggle with something similar, realize this: your old friends will never change their ways. They say they are supportive but what that really means is they will put the beer bottle to your lips and the drugs in your hand. So choose recovery every fucking time. You have to break the cycle and they will do everything to draw you back in.
I never imagined that I would become addicted to drugs and alcohol. I didn’t want to face reality. So I escaped it. I never imagined I’d be that person who would lie to friends and family in
order to hide the pain, fear, drugs and alcohol. But I did. I hurt them deeply. I never imagined that I would overdose My friends called the paramedics. I scared them. I never imagined that I would go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I was shaking. I was not judged. I never imagined that I would endure through withdrawals. I suffered. It was so hard. I never imagined that I would make it to 30 days clean and sober. I began to see hope. I received a sobriety chip. I never imagined that I would make my parents proud by staying clean
and sober. I felt my heart soar. They said they loved me and were so proud of me. I never imagined that I would face life’s challenges with clarity and
courage. I am in recovery. I take things one day at a time.
527 Days Clean and Sober .