sob i am sorry for this

anonymous asked:

Can you make 17 angst? For yoonmin (that's not too innovative of me sorry😂 just this number kinda matches the ship for me~)

i am hurt by your request even though i don’t ship yoonmin. why do you want pain, love? why? (also, i never wrote yoonmin, i hope it still turns out okay? :((( sobs)

17. things you said that i wish you hadn’t

send me a ship and one of these and i’ll write a mini fic

“why?” jimin’s voice was quiet which made it hurt even more. it’s not like his voice was never quiet, but now it was different. it wasn’t the sweet whisper as usual, the silent promises on his lips. now it was just cold and clawing at yoongi’s heart.

“i don’t know, jimin,” he couldn’t look at the boy. he was scared that it would make him want to go back to him. that the warm chocolate in his eyes, the small nose that always stretched so cutely when he smile, made him want to take back what he just said.

“you don’t know? oh, so you just break up with me, because i was just a phase or what?” the bite in his voice made yoongi want the silence to engulf him. he didn’t want to hear this, not from jimin, not from the boy he .. used to love with his whole heart.

“no, it’s just…”

“just what, hyung? what else do you want me t-”

“i met someone,” and yoongi knew that this would break his heart. he knew that jimin’s heart would burst into the smallest pieces, scattered on the floor. and he knew that nobody would be able to find all the missing pieces, as selfish as this might sound. but what they shared was ‘something else’, as jimin has always claimed warmly.

yoongi’s head was spinning as he heard the first few sobs from the boy in front of him. and when he looked into his eyes, his heart bursted too. and yes, he knew that nobody could replace the boy with the dyed hair, the boy with the light laugh and the small hands. 

but he also knew that it wouldn’t be fair towards both of them. sometimes, it was better to move on even though the pain it caused was most of the times unbearable. 

when he tried to reach out for jimin, to hold him into his arms and make him stop crying, yoongi realized that the boy was already gone. only an everlasting memory. 

anonymous asked:

okay but the worst thing about obi-wan having ewan's singing voice is... how would he know? The jedi don't seem likely to engage in frivolous things like lullabies or singing - maybe the republic itself doesn't do music! I mean, their idea of opera is giant space bubbles! So obes has never sung before in his life until he's off to tattoonie with fussy baby luke and a woman on a ship starts singing a lullaby to quiet him and obes picks it up and BAM ewan voice, while the lady sits back like daamn

OH MY GOD OK, I have a LOT of feelings about Obi-Wan and Baby Luke on that initial trip to Tatooine. Like…how long did it take? Did they have to take the equivalent of Space Bus transportation so as not to arouse suspicion? How the hell did Obi-Wan hold it together?

This combined with the above is killing me. Poor Broken Obi-Wan and teeny newborn Luke. They are all the other has right now, and Obi-Wan knows next to nothing about newborns (even if he has met tiny kids at the Temple before, they’re not day-old babies which are a WHOLE different world.) 

And Luke is SUPER hungry and he hasn’t been sleeping and he’s really, really, fussy. And Obi-Wan is exhausted and traumatized, and worried all this crying is going to attract attention. And then Obi-Wan notices some mother on the Space Bus sing-songily calming her baby and he’s like…well, maybe I can try that. I’ve heard people singing before on various planets. He knows some traditional Mandalorian songs, maybe. 

And so he tries it. And he sounds like Obi-Wan McGregor. And Baby Luke is like 😲 followed by 😴. 

Luke always likes hearing people sing after that. He’s not entirely sure why, but it’s always been soothing. 

Dating Bruce Wayne Would Include

(Btw I am using the Batman v Superman Bruce Wayne, y’all)

  • Not being entirely sure as to how it all even happened
    • On the off-chance that you’re one of Gotham’s minimal elite, you probably met Bruce at a charity gala and, for some reason beyond your comprehension, he picked you out of the other well-dressed women
    • In the higher likelihood that you don’t come from an affluent family, there’s a multitude of possibilities as to where you met: Maybe you were at a gala working as part of the catering company and he accidentally spilled red wine on you. Maybe you worked as an intern or temp or had a desk job somewhere in the Wayne Enterprise building in Gotham. Or maybe he just saw some assholes giving you a rough time and he stepped in and then offered to walk you home.
  • While you and Bruce were still in a technical courting period, you could’ve sworn you felt somebody’s presence at night whenever you walked home from work.
    • This, of course, caused you extreme worry – Gotham isn’t a hotbed of crime for nothing, after all.
    • It wasn’t until a mugger attempted to not only get your purse, but fresh and handsy as well, that you finally learned what that feeling of being watched had been coming from
    • You nearly browned your bottoms when you saw the Bat of Gotham looming over the mugger and found yourself too shocked to even scream when he dealt out his own brand of justice
    • When Batman told you to be mindful of your surroundings and to hurry home before swooping away into the night with his latest prison deposit, you could only nod with widened eyes.
    • You didn’t say anything until you got home, where it all came crashing down. To be honest, you geeked out: It’s not every day that someone gets to meet *the* Batman
    • You gleefully call Bruce about it. He doesn’t answer it until later, but you can hear a smirk in his voice as he responds to your fangirling
      • “–and he’s so tall, Bruce! Like, at least 6'2”! Maybe even 3!!“ “Is that so?” “And god, he’s so cut!” “Okay, watch it.”
  • You find out the truth, of course, on accident
    • You got held for ransom when a particularly ambitious baddy learned you were courting Bruce Wayne. You supposed Bruce had made a deal with Batman to retrieve you when he came crashing through the window of the warehouse you were tied up in.
    • After a particularly brutal fight between your kidnapper and your hero, you noticed his cowl was broken just enough to see a slip of your savior’s face.
    • Wait, you know that eye… And that chin …!
      • “… Bruce?” “…”
  • Bruce taking you back to his home to clean the both of you up and to explain everything to you
  • To be honest, you’re a little upset. It’s to be expected, considering that somebody you were potentially romantically involved with was masquerading around town dressed like every night was Halloween, getting into dangerous situations
    • But also understanding why he does it and while you may not necessarily agree with some of his more controversial methods (especially as of late), you couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride that he was putting everything at risk just to make sure what happened to him doesn’t happen to somebody else.
  • Once you two become a couple, you also become Gotham’s “it” couple. Whether you want to or not.
  • Nicknames being a little weird for Bruce
    • He may have had that playboy reputation for a long while, but he’s well aware that he’s starting to hit silver fox territory. He decides that it’s important for him to be classy with what he calls you
      • However, Babe and Honey are the only things he can manage to utter that don’t feel as weird.
        • He’ll call you Baby Girl in private, though
    • You, however, are far more lenient (after all, one of you guys has to be the lighter one in this couple)
      • Your nicknames for him tend to also include Babe and Honey, but also extend to Sweetie, Brucie, Heartthrob, and Prince.
        • “Daddy” is behind closed doors
  • Galas, charities, balls, etc. becoming way more a part of your life than you probably ever wanted them to be
  • Bruce picking out clothes and accessories for said galas, charities, balls, etc.
    • You appreciate the effort, but really, who needs so many things!?
    • You make an agreement that you’ll donate the dresses you’re least likely to use and reuse the ones you love the most
      • Doing this wins both good and bad attention from the press and Gotham elite alike
      • If anyone gives you problems, however, you’d best belueve that you’re 6′3″ monstrosity of a beefboyfriend is going to approach them with some kind words, delivered by a smooth voice in a charming smile
  • Occasionally assisting Alfred with the Bat Tech
  • Helping out around Bruce’s home
    • It may not be as big or lavish as Wayne Manor, but you still don’t think it’s right to just let Alfred do all the work
  • Being incorporated into Bruce’s workout routine. This can include:
    • Sitting on his back while he does push-ups
    • Or laying beneath him while he does push-ups so that ever time he goes down, you get a kiss
    • Serving as a weight he lifts (though really, he’s more so doing it to make you laugh; the workout is just a plus)
  • You telling him that being a prop in making him fit doesn’t count as quality time, by the way
    • … Which results in him having you join in on the fun and doing nearly the same regimen, but reduced dramatically specifically for you
    • You nearly fought him for making you do this but you were too sore and tired to move by the end of it.
  • Bruce training you to defend yourself. The presence of people in his life such as Lex or Waller have him on high-awareness of how easy it’d be for the wrong people to connect you to not only Bruce Wayne, but to Batman as well.
    • He was quite proud of you when you landed a mean right hook on him and grinned even though it hurt
  • Bruce slowly becoming more open to you about the impact his parents’ death has had on him.
    • You expressed a lot of concern over him after you realized he’s seen some stuff. He may not have PTSD, but he definitely has some issues that he’s not readily addressing
    • He doesn’t really begin pouring out anything until a particularly bad nightmare where he not only relieves witnessing his parents dying, but then sees his mother turn into you before demanding to know why he didn’t try harder to save you/his mother.
    • If he doesn’t talk to you about it that night, then the best you can do is hold him and try to get you both back to sleep.
      • He probably gets up early, either because he couldn’t sleep at all or he felt guilty, and attempts making you breakfast as an apology. You both talk about what transpired the previous night after allowing the sweetness of French toast to clear your minds.
  • Constantly being a target of the paparazzi – and usually for the worse, with many papers suggesting that you’re a gold-digger
    • It comes with the territory of dating Gotham’s biggest bachelor, unfortunately
    • You either don’t give a crap because you know it’s not the truth and continue going on your merry way, or you try to compensate by taking up more shifts at your job and refusing to let Bruce buy you anything you couldn’t afford
    • Bruce eventually sits you down to talk about it if you go with the latter
  • Attending the annual Zorro Film Festival with him because it’s not only a great bonding experience, but you also know the importance of these films, being the last thing he and his parents saw together
  • Trips to the Wayne Botanical Garden
    • Having to be careful about which plants you call pretty.
      • Because if he hears you say anything, a bouquet or pot of whichever plants you commented on are likely to find their way to your workplace, your apartment, or your bedside if you spent the night at his place
  • Waiting up for him to come home from his nightly patrols even though he keeps telling you not to
    • Sometimes, you pretend to be asleep on the couch so that when he comes home, he carries you to your bed. You’re pretty sure he knows what you’re up to, though
      • Bruce knows
  • Ending up on top of Bruce if you two fall asleep together
    • You assume that you inherently do it in your sleep because it feels nice to lay on top of your big, nice-smelling boyfriend
    • Really, it’s because more than 67% of the time, Bruce pulls you on top of him
      • You act as a sort of weighted blanket that helps him sleep better
  • Meeting Diana Prince and getting a girl crush of sorts on her
    • She’s just so beautiful and strong and smart and cool and –
    • You nearly fainting when she happily offers to teach you how to fight with a sword since Bruce didn’t take the initiative to do so
  • Being aware of his newfound hunt for Metahumans 
  • Sometimes he wonders if he’s even making a difference.
    • He’s been in the game so long, seen so many awful things. It’s caused him to do plenty of considerably bad things as well. But it never seems to stick, and it’s almost as though the people are getting worse
    • You need to offer him support, insisting that while you worry about him with every patrol, you know he’s trying to do what’s right and that while it may not seem that way, his presence has assured that Gotham won’t fall further than what it could be
  • Being able to tell when he’s had a particularly rough night.
    • His usual silence feels different; heavier, if you had to use a word
    • He becomes a lot more handsy with you, but affectionate. As if you’re the last flower in a prized garden and he never noticed until now
    • If you’re actually asleep by the time he gets back, you may get woken up by him caressing your cheek, rubbing a thumb over your hand, or him putting his heavy arms around you to pull you in close
    • If you try and ask what’s wrong, he likely won’t say anything and just get into a sitting position and hold you in his lap and just hug you
    • You don’t press for more or anything, you just let it happen
    • You always fall asleep in this position. Usually, by the time you’ve lost consciousness, Bruce murmurs about how you’re one of the only good things left in this city
      • He means it

@kurtwxgners

it’s almost 6 am and i didn’t sleep because i’m ill

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

why i even posted this

10

“Humans and Monsters”

Part 1 / Part 2 (here) /Part 3 (tba)/ Part ???

cryingbclarryy  asked:

hiya, was just wondering which are your favourite johnlock fics? X

Hi, and I am SO SORRY to have been so slow to answer this. After S4 I’ve been struggling with reading/writing fics so was rubbish about answering.

Here is the (ridiculously long) list of my absolute favourites, which I’m sure you will have mostly read anyway!

The Gladstone series by @jamlockk. This entire series makes me laugh and also sob until my face feels like it’s made of salt. Gorgeous.

Hot Dolphin Sex by @conversationswithjohnlock. I accidentally stayed in the bath for three hours while I read this the first time, and my husband assures me I did actually sound like a dolphin.

In the Library by @itsnotgonnareaditselfpeople. BEAUTIFUL. Just beautiful, gorgeous writing. Teenlock, with flashbacks to kidlock.

A Brand of Gold by @aquabelacqua. I DIE reading this fic. If you want a fic that will make your toes CURL with the feeling of falling irrevocably, devastatingly in love, this is the one. I honestly felt hot from head to toe reading this fic. I had butterflies. I cried, because the sheer emotion – terror, love, that edgy sense of desperation behind every beautifully-chosen word – that the author packs into this story is insane. Gorgeous. Also cannot recommend enough the BEAUTIFUL podfic by @lockedinjohnlock-podfics.

Chemical Bonds by @weeesi. Funny, incredibly touching, splendidly written, perfectly in character. One I read again and again.

John Watson’s Twelve Days of Christmas by @earlgreytea68. The fluff to end all fluff. I don’t know how many times I’ve read this now. Not just for Christmas!

The Adventure of the Doctor’s Heart by @mistyzeo. Mistyzeo’s writing is an absolute masterclass and this story is my ultimate favourite.

FAQ by ancientreader. God, this story hurts, but in the most perfect way. Parentlock. What I wish S4 could have been.

A Visit to the Doctor by flawedamethyst. I’ve read this an insane number of times. It’s perfect every time. Time travel – ACD and BBC Sherlock Holmes collide. Painful and fluffy and lovely.

Sonatina in G Minor by @silentauroriamthereal. I cried in a public cafe. Yep. The emotional tension in this story bubbles beneath the surface, desperate to break through. EVERYTHING Silent writes is beautiful but this is my absolute favourite.

Upon Whom Shall You Call? by @may-shepard aldjhfaskdjhfkjdlkjasdsdfjasdfksdafsd GHOSTBUSTERS AU GHOSTBUSTERS AU I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING ABOUT HOW FUCKING AMAZING THIS STORY IS

If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things by @watsonshoneybee. I can’t tell you how special this story is to me. Heed the tags before you go in.

And two Mystrade because, um, I know you didn’t ask but it would be wrong of me to post a list of my favourites without them!

The Memoranda of Understanding series by @mydwynter – when I retire I’m going to read this series of stories over and over every day until I die. When they find me dead they’ll have to pry the long-outdated eReader out of my cold, claw-like hands. Just…marvellous.

Virtually Perfect by @random-nexus – actually perfect. Online chatroom AU. The nerves and self-esteem issues when they finally meet are beautifully written. Amazing.

Hope you like the list @cryingbclarryy 😘

2

Tianshan Week Day 5 One Day. I named it after the song I listened to. “All is violent, all is bright”.

Sorry for missing out yesterday but I put all my feelings and effort into this one. This instrumental inspired me for the scenery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQ9fFfKeWkk

I feel like He Tian would dress like a total pimp later while Guanshan stays with his bomber jackets or warm winter jackets (bought by He Tian and the devil personified refuses to take anything for it in return *cough* Maybe Momo’s soul, but that’s a different story *laughs*)

Until It Is Gone

Originally posted by endlessikon

Artist/Person : Kim Jiwon

Group/Crew : iKon/MOBB

Genre : Angst

Word Count : 1183

Requested: Can I request an angst friends with benefit scenario with bobby? Thanks

A/N: I’m sorry that it took so long. I may do a couple more parts for this. Hope you enjoy!

I knew it wasn’t a relationship. We made that clear when we made this decision. I was the main one pushing the ‘no catching feelings’, yet here I am. In bed. Sobbing in the middle of the night. In the darkness of my room. I shouldn’t have felt jealous when I saw him flirting with her. Or when I saw them on a date. Or at his house. I shouldn’t have felt my heartbreak when I saw them together at the party. I shouldn’t have felt anything. Even when he ended whatever it was that we had going on. I shouldn’t have caught anything, or even thought for a second that what we had could just maybe develop into something more that sex. But, it was hard not to. The way that over time he started to ask me to stay over for nights at a time. He would cuddle. He took me around his friends. He acted though he cared about me. And I believed him.

I was perched up against the trunk of a tree, head tilted up as I stared at the stars. The moon shining down onto me, as the sound of the river flowing quietly fills the, otherwise silent, air. My bloodshot eyes held unshed tears, as where my lips were chapped and dry as they stayed parted in a small ‘o’ shape. It’d been like this for nearly two months. And yet no one noticed, or tried to help. I didn’t even try to act as though I was fine, as if I wasn’t hurt by anything. My eyes slowly moved downwards, focusing on the flowing river, the moon reflecting off its surface. Eyes slipping shut at their own accord, a gentle smile pulled at the corners of her lips.

Their smiles were bright, obnoxious laughter filling the air surrounding the two. They were at an amusement park, leaning on each other as they got used to being on the ground again. Their eyes sparkled with joy, crinkled up by the high cheeked smiles. “Ohh~ Let’s ride that one!” She remembers looking back at him, watching him nod at her request before letting her pull him to said rollercoaster. They had fun that whole day. After leaving the park, going out to a diner for a small dinner, before heading to a movie and then her house where he dropped her off with a gentle kiss on the forehead.

I could still feel the tingling of his soft lips on my forehead, and the feeling of hundreds of butterflies that filled my stomach.

Sighing, I slumped against the tree more, feeling the winter wind blow over the landscape. My hair blew in my face, cheeks having already gone completely numb from the cold. It had already been late out when I got up and rushed out of my house and into the cold, winter air. Of course, I brought a jacket, but now I was starting to regret not paying close enough attention and making sure to grab my winter coat.

Standing, I felt a shiver run through my body, causing me to hug the thin material closer to me and wrap my arms tightly around my form. Another heavy sigh passed through my lips as I started to make my way back to the warmth of my home. I let my mind wander, thinking back to a year and a half ago, when I met him.

Her head was down, eyes focusing on the screen of her phone as her thumbs tapped quickly against it. She wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings, and neither was he, as he stared at the notes scribbled down messily on a page of his notebook for his upcoming test. At they were in their own worlds, up until they ran into each other. “Oomph” She let out, falling onto her butt as he staggered a bit from the force of their clash. She breathed out a silent ‘thank you’ as she clutched her phone to her chest after picking it up from the concrete where it fell, checking for any scratches of cracks. Then, she looked up, meeting eye contact with him. She stood up, smiled at him softly before muttering a quiet apology before rushing off to the other side of campus, praying that she was fast enough for him not to see her heated cheeks.

After that, we’d see each other randomly. Bumping into each other on campus, off campus, at parties, even at the grocery store. We also realized that we even shared a couple of classes together. Then one day, he decided to come up and talk to me. Of course, I was surprised, staring up at him with wide eyes as he smiled down at me. And that was the start of something that neither one of us could explain. We never really talked about what it was that we had going on. It just never came up.

A whimper leaving my chapped lips brought me back to reality. I didn’t realize that I’d started crying, until the cold air hit it and sent a freezing sensation through my cheeks. Looking up, I saw my house and smiled slightly. I could feel my body getting excited at the thought of the warmth that filled my home, engulfing me into its heated clutch. But, just as I was beginning to get happy, it was shot as I noticed the figure sitting on my steps. I froze in place, staring at the person with wide eyes. I studied the form of the obviously male guest, immediately knowing who it was. Even before he lifted his head, the porch light revealing his face to me completely. His shoulders were broad, even as they folded over. His muscular arms were covered by a baggy hoody, along with the rest of his toned upper body. A pair of sweatpants covered his legs, the ends disappearing into the tops of his socks that were hidden in his sneakers. As my eyes traveled back up, I noticed that his hair was covered with a snapback, with a few strands of the honey-blonde strands poking out. When my eyes finally settled back onto his face, I realized that he’d gotten up and began making his way to me. My breath hitched, body immediately setting into flight mode as I ran pass him, onto my porch, and to the door. My hands were shaking as I tried to get the key into the knob and get into my house, but my mind was a complete mess as I fumbled and dropped the keys.

I looked down, getting ready to bend down and snatch them up, but then I saw his large hand grab them. My body froze and my eyes squeezed shut, my teeth latching onto the dry skin of my plump bottom lip. “Y/N…” He spoke softly, the deepness of his voice sending shivers down my spine. I felt his hand gently wrap around my wrist, turning my around to face him. Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked up to him. “JiWon…”

A villain in love, a villain alone

Malora - Villain Kiss for @misslestrange274

I am an Entire Dumpster Fire and this is a Malora Phantom of the Opera AU hahahaha.


It was hard to think down here, in this endless darkness.  Aurora wan’t sure what time it was anymore, even though logically she knew she couldn’t have been here very long.  Where was she when…the opera.  Right.  Third act.  It was late.  Must be midnight by now, yet she didn’t feel tired.  Just…lost.  Confused.  Hazy.

The monster…the Voice…the woman with the mask was pacing.  Agitated. Moreso than usual.  Maybe she, too, had a hard time thinking clearly, hidden away in this labyrinth she’d built for herself.

She had to know someone would come.  Unless she’d come completely unhinged.  But no, she was unhinged already.  That was what everyone said, anyway.  And Aurora could see it.  Had seen it, at first, but it was difficult, sometimes.  Now, even.

So much genius there.  Few tried to deny it when they read her music, and when they did try, they were the ones who sounded foolish.  So much genius, and so much beauty, in the music, in the voice that seemed almost more than the woman that owned it.  She could throw it around as though by magic, she could render it so soft, so sweet that it was almost hypnotic–that it was hypnotic, that was what they told her.  She’d been hypnotized.  Taken in.

That was all.

A dream, nothing more.

Was it only a dream that caused Aurora to feel pity for this strange creature? Was it a naive and foolish heart that felt for her plight, so much that she saw more humanity than there truly was to see?

Keep reading

Day 3: An AU - Dancetale

*h u m a n

*d o n ‘ t   y o u   k n o w   h o w   t o   g r e e t   a   n e w   p a l ?

*t u r n   a r o u n d   a n d

*dance with me?

I know I am a day late I’m sorry hahAHAH //sobs ;-;

I like the idea of bowing and presenting your SOUL to your fighting/dancing partner as a form of respect before the battle. I imagine Undyne will not bow to respect the human, but presents her SOUL as a challenge in both the Pacifist and Genocide route. Sans on the other hand will not bow nor present his SOUL in the Genocide route.

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4.1 | Day 4Day 5

@fransweek | Dancetale belongs to @teandstars |

Of baby teeth and puppy love

Drabble by typical-marvel-trash (at your service ;))

Bucky x Female Reader
Rating:
G
Warnings: None

Summary: Bucky first developed feelings for you when you were kids, because you stuck your neck out for him, and got a school bully Bucky was fighting with expelled.

“I-I swear, I did not hit her that hard!”, the nasty looking boy stammered, while an angry teacher dragged him to the headmaster. Bucky kneeled down next to the girl’s sobbing form, and stared at the tooth that was lying on her palm with wide eyes.

“(Y/n), I am so sorry. I am thankful that you stuck your neck out for me to help me protect Steve, but this-”, he stopped talking, looking at her dumbfounded as her sobbing turned into giggles. What could possibly be funny about getting a tooth knocked out by the biggest kid in school?

She looked at him with a cheeky smile. “He really did not hit me that hard. This tooth right here has been lose for weeks. It would have fallen out any day. Actually, I am almost glad he knocked it out. It’s my last baby tooth, finally. It was getting late.”, she giggled again, and stuffed the tooth into the pocket of her jacket.

Bucky did not know what to say. She was a cunning little master mind! Provoking that jerk into hitting her, and making the adults believe that he had hit her hard enough to knock a tooth out. Something hot started to swell in his chest. Deep admiration and … something else. Something that made his insides twist, and turn, and flutter. But it did not feel bad. In fact, it felt so good that he did not want it to stop. And it did not stop the entire afternoon, not even when (Y/n)’s furious father arrived at school to take her home.

The headmaster was talking to Bucky and the jerk, as Mr (L/n) carried (Y/n) past the little group. Over her father’s shoulder she flashed Bucky and the jerk a bashful, toothy grin, revealing the impressive gap in the front row of her teeth.

It was in that very moment that Bucky knew that this girl was the one for him. The only one.

Hamilton characters as things my friends have said
  • Hamilton: I may be small but I will kILL YOU FOR A DONUT
  • Burr: sometimes you annoy me. Other times, everything annoys me
  • Eliza: don't send my unborn children into battle
  • Mulligan: *screaming, to the tune of Mary Had A Little Lamb*
  • Lafayette: looking at baguettes is like looking at hot men. It's nice, but it doesn't turn me on.
  • Laurens: bathe in my glory
  • Angelica: you don't need to have an education to fIGHT ME
  • Peggy: *violent sobbing, punctuated by occasional lyrics to In the Heights*
  • Maria: hEY BITCH
  • Washington: am I the father of this group??? This family tree is weird
  • Lee: why would you even do that i'M OFFENDED
  • Jefferson: am I the only one that loves the sound of my own voice?
  • Madison: *whispered* I'd like to report that you're disturbing the plans for my life just by existing
  • Philip: whoOPS SORRY MUM GOTTA GO BYE
I’m sorry, but I cannot love you the same way I loved him.
I cannot think of you every second of the day. I do not have trouble sleeping from thinking about you. I do not feel the need to brag about the cute and beautiful things you do for me. but don’t get me wrong, my heart skips a beat for you. I do smile when I think of your voice. I am addicted to your scent.
but I’m sorry, I just cannot love you the same way I loved him.
because every time I think of him, my heart breaks and my stomach drops.
I am too scared to love you. I am scared of laying in bed, sobbing, and feeling the great pain of my body when I learned that he didn’t love me anymore. I am terrified of being too dependent, just to end up being more alone than what I started with.
I am in love you.
but I’m sorry, it’s just not the same as I once felt for him.
—  I’m sorry

So when I realized that I suck at writing smut, I went back to read some of my fav 18+ fanfics.

#2 - Zaddy by @btssmutgalore

I am not Tae biased and he’s not even my bias wrecker but phew this fic got me feelin some type of way (sorry A.W.) so I made a video edit to get rid of the frustration! It goes without saying that erryone needs to read this as well.

It wasn’t easy to say the least. It wasn’t easy for Dan Howell to wait at the door. It wasn’t easy to stay awake at night sobbing.  It wasn’t easy to have everything around him have Phil on it. Their whole house had Phil written all over it. The cat stickers that were placed haphazardly around the house. The candles that Phil had bought. It wasn’t easy to be heartbroken and hopelessly in love with Phil Lester.

They had fought about something stupid. Dan couldn’t even recall what it was about. But he could recall what it felt like when Phil left him standing there in a pile of pain and regret.

“NO, WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?” Dan had raged to Phil

“I’M NOT FUCKING COMING BACK I CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH!”  Phil screamed back while grabbing his phone and wallet.

Tears began to flow again as Dan thought of it. And that wasn’t even the worst of it. No, the worst part was the pain in his chest. The constant deep ache that had been in his bones since that night one month ago, it hurt so goddamn bad. He had tried to eat but it did nothing to help the pangs of guilt. He tried alcohol to numb anything that it could manage, but to no avail. He missed being wrapped in Phil’s arms. He missed Phil smiling against his lips. He missed how Phil would throw his head back and laugh while his tongue slightly stuck between his lips.

He screamed into the empty apartment. He just wanted his Phil back. He wanted to spend hours lazily kissing him and laughing with him until their abs were sore. He wanted things that were easy, they were simple needs, but for some reason it seemed as if he was asking for the impossible.

Dan was screaming into Phil’s pillow. There were empty liquor bottles strewn about the entire room. Phil’s room used to be Dan’s favorite place in the world. He felt safe, as if everything was okay. But now nothing felt like home, he didn’t feel safe anywhere. And it was then that he realized that Phil was his home. Phil was where Dan had always felt loved and safe but now Phil was gone and he had taken Dan right along with him.

“Goddammit Phil, why can’t you just fucking come home? Please just come back to me.” Dan whispered brokenly into the tear stained pillow.

The phone rang, for the first time since the landlord had called a week ago, Dan’s phone was ringing.

Dan wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand. It was Phil.

Dan’s heart began to pound in his chest, his stomach began to do flips and a smile spread across his lips. He swiped the answer button and eagerly lifted the phone to his ear.

“Phil, hello? Phil, are you there?” Dan blurted out eagerly with a cracking voice.

There was a silence on the other end of the line.

“Yeah Dan, I’m here.” Phil nearly whispered into the phone.

“You’ve been crying bear, haven’t you?” Phil questioned with a breaking voice.

Dan was silent, was he supposed to tell Phil how pathetic he had been? Was he supposed to say how he had been drinking profusely and crying into his pillow? Because that’s exactly what Dan Howell did. He told Phil how he had been sobbing and punching the walls and screaming for him to come back. He told him how he had been pulling his hair and clawing at his skin, begging for release. He told how he had taken so many sleeping pills that he wasn’t sure how he was still alive.

“Phil, I miss you so fucking much. Come back to me.” Dan muttered brokenly into the phone.

“I’m coming bear, I swear I’m coming back to you.” Phil whispered back to Dan.

“I love you Phil” Dan smiled into the phone with tears in his eyes.

“I love you more, you have no idea” Phil replied.

Two hours later Phil arrived at the door. Dan heard the rattling of keys and the slamming of a door, followed by footsteps pounding up the stairwell. Dan ran towards the last flight of stairs and met Phil at the top. Dan collapsed into his arms and they sat on the landing intertwined with each other for at least two hours. They were crying into each other with occasional neck kisses and mumbled “I love yous”.

They eventually broke apart and Phil lifted Dan’s chin up to look him in the eyes.

“I will never leave you again, I promise you bear.” Phil whispered before placing a gentle yet passionate kiss on Dan’s lips. Dan smiled against Phil’s kiss and happily reciprocated it. The kiss quickly got heated and Dan rolled Phil onto his lap. Phil was tangling his hands in Dan’s curly hair and tracing the outline of his jaw. Dan had slipped his hands under Phil’s shirt and was holding his waist. Phil tasted like coffee and alcohol and Dan was relishing in it.

But then it ended. Dan woke up in his white room with all the blinds drawn. Reality hit him again and he remembered that Phil Lester died five years previously. After the call, Phil had never made it home. He had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, he had been shot in the chest after getting mugged. Dan Howell was broken and would never be repaired. He wanted to forget all of the pain that had drowned him long ago but he didn’t want to forget all of Phil’s details. He didn’t want to drown out Phil’s scent of body wash and coffee beans. He didn’t want to forget Phil’s laugh or how he sneezed when he had a cold. He didn’t want to forget how Phil bit his nails when he was nervous. Dan didn’t want to forget Phil. As he walked to Phil’s grave he collapsed. He was tired of being strong, tired of smiling when he hurt so badly inside. Dan had long ago died inside from all of the pain and guilt that had built up inside of him. There was a wall blocking the outside world, he couldn’t care less. So as he kneeled over Phil’s grave, tears streaming down his cheeks, he dejectedly whispered

“Come back to me Phil, please fucking come back to me”