February 14, 2012 : Valentine's Day

I’ve come to the conclusion that I desire human interaction. Not in the typical sense, I suppose, but in the sense of that I am not satisfied with just talking to people. I want to feel people and I want to be felt. I want to impact people. I want to kiss and hug and show people that I’m not in a shell and I’m not shy. I’m ridiculously outgoing but the fact that I’m so scared of how people will react disallows me from doing this. I could care less about sex; I just want to be on another level with so many people yet I feel like I, in all my effort to bring people closer, repel them instead. Nobody realizes how easily I become attracted to different people but they also don’t realize what that attraction entails. I get close to people extremely fast and I leave them the same way. It’s just my simple process yet it becomes so complicated, it seems. I want to find people I could fall for the same day I meet them and they do the same and the next day it could end and no ones feelings are peeled apart yet a blissful and energetic memory retains. I don’t understand why people are so closed with themselves. Physical contact: kissing, hugging, cuddling, holding. These are simple, meaningless things until we give them meaning. These are the things that allow me to share myself with other people in a way that I find to be special. Talk is boring and thoughts are cheap. I like to feel raw emotion and I like to be able to understand the language of a the fingerprint or the taste of a lasting bodily embrace.

I want a girl who gets excited talking about sports. I want a girl who will work out with me and be happy at the end of the workout. I want a girl with abs. I want someone who will go running or biking or go on walks with me just for the fun of it. I want someone to play soccer with and to box around with. I want a girl who knows how to keep a conversation going because I hate putting in 100% of the effort of communication. I want someone to motivate me and keep me inspired.

Girl, where the shit are you?

I hate when people are like “when weed is legalized the world will know peace”. It’s bullshit because I still won’t smoke and I know a ton of people who won’t still. I seriously doubt anyone who doesn’t smoke currently will start just because it’s legal. Just because cigarettes are legal doesn’t mean I’m going to smoke them and the same goes for alcohol. I and many others have no need for it and weed is not the cure for a natural human aggression that stems from dominance and spiritual outlook.