CLYDE: So yeah, Craig looked devastated, almost like he couldn’t decide what he was more angry about– his clothes or Eric for some reason??? even though Eric had nothing to do with the coffee??????? idk, man.
CLYDE: And like, Craig went all “Oh my god you buttface Tweek, ugh.” only it was more like “Holy shit! What did you do that for?!”
CLYDE: And so of course, Tweek immediately started to freak out for a number of reasons that don’t even really need to be listed.
CLYDE: At this point, everyone who was watching started to walk away because things were getting a little awkward, and they didn’t want to sit around for things to get any worse. I would have, too, but it was too good.
CLYDE: So but yeah, Tweek was like “What did Ido that for?! I should be asking you the same question!!! WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!?!?!”
CLYDE: Then Craig just said “Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing.” but he was obviously still angry.
CLYDE: Eric, just like the last five minutes of this exchange, was dying in the background.
CLYDE: This was the point where I tried taking a close up picture of Craig, which…
CLYDE: And then he threw my phone over the brick fence near by, like an asshole.
CLYDE: Craig started taking off his jacket cause the coffee was gonna soak through.
CLYDE: Have I mentioned that Craig tucks his shirt into his pants? Because that’s hilarious. He’s like an old man.
CLYDE: So anyways, he started complaining and shit (like an old man) and said something like “Now my clothes are covered in your coffee and spit, dude!” then he took off his jacket and threw it onto the ground.
CLYDE: Then Eric started bursting with laughter even more. I think Kyle was getting angry at him. He looked like he was, anyways.
CLYDE: But then Eric just shouted, and I quote (perfectly, may I say) because it was pretty funny, “This can’t be the first time you’ve been covered in Tweek’s coffee and spit, Craig! Get it!!! Did you– did you get it, Craig? That’s a dick joke! Because– because your dick is probably covered in spit and coffee, because you see, Tweek–”
CLYDE: He only got that far before Craig started stomping up towards Eric, and I was 100% sure that THIS time he’d beat Eric’s ass, but then Tweek stood in front of them both and said like (watch my perfect quoting again)…
CLYDE:“Agggh, calm down! I don’t even understand what’s going on here! I can’t handle this, I dropped the rest of my coffee and now I have nothing to calm me down you two are going nuts what’s wrong I'm going to explode from pressure– oh my god, exploding is bad, I can’t explode, that shit’s dangerous!!–”
CLYDE: Hahahahaha, Tweek’s reasoning for everything is so insane, I love it.
CLYDE: But honestly, I could relate. Cause I was so confused, too. There was so much going on that I didn’t understand…
CLYDE: But yeah, then Craig was trying to calm Tweek down and was all like “Tweek, calm down! You’re not going to explode!”
CLYDE: I wish you guys could hear my voice, because I’m doing voices for these guys right now. People say Craig and I sound a lot a like, but that’s not true. I’m giving him a Macho Man Randy Savage voice.
CLYDE: Okay, so yeah, anyways…
CLYDE: After Craig said that, Tweek was just like “Tell me what’s going on!” but all Craig said in response was “This is all lard-butt’s fault!” and then freaking LAUNCHED himself at Eric. He kept avoiding answering what was going on, which was suspicious.
CLYDE: I was just a bystander, though! I can’t complain. The only question I should have been asking then was if anybody had any popcorn cause hahaha, oh man…
CLYDE: Nobody else was around, actually. Kyle, Stan, and Kenny all left after Kyle started getting mad. And everyone else left right after Tweek spat coffee all over everybody, like I said.
CLYDE: So I guess asking that question, while being extremely hilarious and awesome because I am both of those things, would have probably proved ineffective because nobody would be around to hear it.
CLYDE: Except for Tweek, Eric, and Craig, but asking them was kind of out of the question.
CLYDE: Man, was I hungry, though.
CLYDE: …Where was I…
CLYDE: OH YEAH!!!
CLYDE: Craig lunged at Eric!
CLYDE: …Or he tried to, and then Tweek started freaking out and held him back. Eric didn’t look like he was pleased about the fact that Craig was trying to beat him up.
CLYDE: Which is funny because Eric gets beat up a lot, I thought he’d be used to it by now.
CLYDE: But then the most insane thing happened! And by insane, I mean something totally awful and I’m glad I wasn’t involved because… well…
CLYDE: What was happening and what it looked like they were doing probably wasn’t the best thing to have the principal walk up on.
CLYDE: Did I mention the principal is really tall? Like, taller than our old principle. Man, I miss Principal Victoria. Kind of.
CLYDE: I mean, she beat PC Principal, anyways.
CLYDE: But uh… yeah.
CLYDE: All three of them were shitting their pants in front of him. I think almost literally for Tweek.
CLYDE: And– and then
CLYDE: Okay I actually maybe shouldn’t share that part. Like, all of that just then, Craig and Tweek are already gonna have my ass about it when they find out I told you guys.
CLYDE: Maybe you should ask Eric. He might even tell you what was actually happening, since he seemed to be the problem. But uh… yeah. To avoid getting my ass whooped even harder than it’s already going to be, I’m going to leave the principal
CLYDE: …To sum it up, though, the principal
said some things, Eric said some things, Craig got in trouble, and then shortly after Craig and Tweek started to beat each other up, and then Tweek got in trouble too.
One day last week my bae and I spontaneously ran away from the city for an afternoon in search of a waterfall. There was very little water falling and there were public holiday idiots everywhere but we found some lovely secluded rocks and investigated some ecology and just generally enjoyed being in nature together. She makes my soul sing, she really does