guys im creeping myself out bc recently i keep having this really strong sense that someone is missing every time i look at a picture of bts, and one time there was this doctor who episode where when u died your whole existence was completely eradicated from all of time like you were never even born, but if you really feel strongly enough about them you can remember that somethings off and MY DUMB BRAIN IS MAKING ME THINK THERE IS AN EIGHTH MEMBER OF BTS THAT DIED AND WAS FORGOTTEN ABOUT BUT IM REMEMBERING GLIMPSES AND CAN FEEL HIS ABSENCE ?????
So imagine if instead of being notorious criminal overlords the FAHC were that one group of disgruntled office employees quietly sticking it to the man through petty theft, mild property damage and passive aggressive notes.
Geoff as the totally disenfranchised manager, who hates his cohort and higher ups more than any of his underlings could manage, constantly muttering insults about everyone under his breath and watching the clock tick the day away. He has somehow, very much unwillingly, managed to accidentally start collecting a little group of equally resentful coworkers to complain to and plan tiny little revolts with.
Michael and Jeremy as workerbees under Geoff, who sit in neighbouring cubicles and spend most of their days complaining to each other about this nightmare office and coming up with excuses to call Gavin up to hang out with them. Together they play really petty little tricks on one of the managers who always screams at everyone, and when Geoff catches them at it one day they think they are done for. Jeremy sees his life flash before his eyes, Michael is halfway through fantasising about flipping some desks on his way out, but Geoff just makes a suggestion, tells them last week’s efforts were much more impressive, and goes about his way. From that point on he really can’t get rid of the two of them.
Gavin as IT’s wonderchild- there isn’t a piece of hardware he can’t coax into working or any kind of software he can’t navigate in his sleep. That’s really the only reason he hasn’t been fired a million times over, what with the way he ignores clothing standards (except for on his inexplicable ‘Fancy Fridays’), rarely bothers with appropriately respectful deference, spends way too much of his time hanging out at Michael’s desk and keeps breaking into peoples accounts and leaving juvenile jokes and embarrassing viruses. But he’s just so damn good, and the fact that the terrifying head of IT has a huge soft spot for him doesn’t hurt.
Ryan as the head of the IT department who almost everyone is legitimately scared of. Who likes the computers much more than the idiots who insists on breaking them, glowers at everyone who brings him their stupid problems and is way more built than any tech nerd has any right to be. Ryan makes the whole group amusingly nervous at first, he and Geoff have a whole infamous history complete with a public screaming match over an unrecoverable destroyed hard-drive after all, but Gavin drags him along to enough lunches for everyone to see he’s mostly just a very cranky marshmallow.
Jack who works in human resources and used to be so optimistic, legitimately trying to improve everyone’s experience before slowly getting crushed under the growing hatred for the business. Jack who knows exactly who is responsible for the near daily complaints their office receives about anonymous troublemakers but is just as exasperated with the management as everyone else so helps keep them all out of trouble.
They take their lunches together, occasionally joined by Lindsay from administration and, strangely enough, two members of office security, Matt and Trevor. They make a pretty motley crew; half unnaturally peppy, half perpetually angry rainclouds, sharing each others misery and covertly planning their next big rebellion. Stealing stationary and packed lunches, spiking the punch at office parties, sabotaging the photocopier, posting embarrassing google histories, accidentally uncovering their bosses’ shady white collar dealings and making off with millions of dollars in stolen money. Wait, what?