[Sunday, February 19: Write about what your aromantic / aro spec identity means to you. This can include your experience finding the identity that feels the most right to you, and can absolutely involve disclosing what your identity is (though, of course, that is not required).]
My aro identity is kind of up in the air right now. I used to be solidly aromantic, but now I think I’m probably demi, and honestly I’m not worried about getting a label at the moment.
When I was 15 I needed a label. I spent hours and hours having an identity crisis. I spent the whole year on it. I’d never had a crush and I just didn’t understand the world I was living in and how I fit in. Besides that I was dealing with more dysphoria than I’d ever had before and trying to find a label for my gender identity.
It took me a long time to accept that I was aro ace. I used to pray to a god I didn’t believe in, to please make me gay. (I was too romance repulsed by mainstream media and my friends to want to be straight lol, but really I would have taken anything over being aro.) I didn’t want to be aro ace, but as I gradually accepted it it gave me a sense of comfort. A sense of identity, really.
When I was 17, after two years of identifying as aro ace, I did experience romantic attraction for the first time ever. That was an odd experience. It was something I’d prepared for and was open to, but I’d gotten so comfortable in my aro identity that I didn’t want it anymore. So after having spent so long accepting that I was aro, I now had to go through the process of accepting that I was not completely aro anymore.
So now, I guess I’m demiromantic but honestly I don’t really know or care. I already did the whole identity crisis thing. I know I’m on the aromantic spectrum and I know I grew up aro and that’s what’s important to me. Being aro was and will always be important in shaping my life.