- this isnt even the fun part, do u want to see the fun part
- enoch holding claires hand / picking her up
- enoch and the skeletons
- enoch making his toys fight
- enoch sticking his hands in his pockets
- enoch puffing up bc jake was infront of him
- enoch holding a damn pitchfork
- enoch getting picked up by a hollow
So, as I explained in this post on the basics of how early trauma affects us, abuse and neglect during our formative years add extras into our experience of PTSD and one of those is physical illness. (a reminder that ‘formative’ is in terms of brain development; so up until the age of 25)
One of the big reasons for this is hypervigilance and the limbic system. How being constantly surrounded by an abusive environment makes you highly sensitive to sensory input (hypervigilance), and how this affects you physically.
Basically “why am I so fucking sick all the time and why doesn’t it seem to have a cause” or “what does it mean when they say that my PTSD is causing these physical symptoms”.
First you’ll have to bear with me while I explain some things about your brain and it’s parts, because otherwise this won’t make any sense.
Your amygdala is part of the limbic system that controls instinct and the panic response. It’s sometimes referred to as your “lizard brain”. And because you don’t really need to know how the whole thing is rigged, I’m going to keep calling it that. (Like you can look it up if you want, i’m not going to stop you). It’s the instinctive part and also where your core beleifs about the world are (called schemas; which is another topic).
This is the part of your brain that tries to keep you alive at any cost, where the ‘flight, fight, freeze or feign’ response lives.
Your amygdala develops very early, which is why babies can experience fear. But it develops before the conscious thinking part. Much like an actual lizard, your lizard brain doesn’t ‘think’ or reason, it just watches and notes what is dangerous, and what has worked to save you and stores that information. Because what your lizard brain’s main function is is to keep you alive in a crisis.
Don’t know what I’m talking about? This is the part of your brain that has already slammed on the brakes before you decide to when you’re cut off in traffic, or that gives you that feeling that ‘this is dangerous’ when you can’t really figure out why, but later find out that WOW you were so right. It is activated when it sees that you are in danger, and it is going to take too long for you to decide what your response will be.
Ok so now we know what it is, but how does this relate to PTSD or hypervigilance and how can this make me sick?
In an untraumatised brain, the limbic system (specifically the amigdala) will dump stress hormones into your brain and body when you are in extreme danger. One of these we already know is adrenaline, but the hormone that is most important here is a steroid called cortisol.
Cortisol basically cuts off all the regular limits your body sets so you don’t get injured, because when you’re in danger it doesn’t matter if you get injured so long as you survive. This means you can run faster and longer, you’re stronger, your senses are sharper, you’re hyperaware of your surroundings and you don’t feel pain.
This is how mothers can lift cars off their babies in a crisis. Or how come you don’t notice that you’ve broken your arm in a car accident until later.
Cortisol is great when your brain functions properly.
However; when you’ve been exposed to extreme and ongoing trauma, you become hypervigilant. You have to be constantly aware of every tiny change in facial expression, every sound, every change in tone or every slight movement. You are always prepared for danger and always trying to pre-guess what and when is going to happen. In an abusive environment, you have to do this to stay safe.
The thing is that when you’re constantly in this state of hypervigilance and hyperarousal (not sexual arousal but sensory; where you could hear a cricket fart next door), your limbic system is constantly wired up. And it’s constantly activating your FFFF (Fight, flight, freeze and feign) response, and constantly dumping your cortisol to keep you ready.
What ends up happening is that your limbic system eventually stops being able to turn OFF your cortisol tap. So instead of a dump, its a leak. Constantly dripping into your system as it’s created - even after you’ve escaped the abuse.
But cortisol is good isn’t it? It makes us stronger and faster and feel less pain?
Yes; but if it didn’t have a downside we wouldn’t only have it as an emergency plan.
Cortisol is a steroid and an immunosuppressant, in a dump it forces more blood sugar production and shuts down the digestive system. Long term it decreases cartilage and bone formation, affects glucose levels along with a whole swag of of other things.
People with this ‘cortisol leak’ can experience
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
decreased bone density leading to osteoporosis
gastrointestinal problems (nausea, vomiting, bowel problems, difficulty digesting food or absorbing nutrients leading to nutritional deficiencies, IBD, constipation, and diarrhea)
Severe allergic reactions and other autoimmune disorders
decreased immune response causing slower healing times and more infections
memory issues; short term memory, and issues relating to the maintaining or accessing of memories
and on top of all that are 300% more likely to self harm.
It also has the fun circular effect of… making you hypervigilant.
So, much in the same way that anxiety stops us from doing things which then gives us more anxiety which means we can’t do even MORE things, over and over, the limbic system makes us hypervigilant which breaks the limbic system which then makes us even more hypervigilant. And also sick.
PTSD is, as you’ve probably already realised, pretty good at cycling into awfulness like that.
But this is why the effects of traumatic abuse when our brains are forming is so profound, and so hard to heal. We quite literally have been given a form of brain damage, and our brains no longer function physically in the way they are designed.
Next up; I’ll be talking about the psychological effects of this; Maladaptive Schemas. (Which means that the things you learn as ‘’life truths’’ in an abusive environment while you’re developing can end up being warped, and that affects our ability to process information; including therapeutic information.
Till then, stay safe and know you’re not alone in this shit. Hollow
To the people saying that we should stop complaining about Sleepy Hollow killing off Abbie because Nicole Beharie “wanted to leave”:
Nicole Beharie wanted to leave because the people behind the scenes treated her like crap.
For god’s sake, the official twitter for Sleepy Hollow didn’t even
follow Nicole Beharie’s account. They forgot to invite her to the recording
of the audio commentary for the show she is supposed to be the co-lead on. No wonder she wanted to leave! Plus, they promised her a lead role in a network television show, one part of a dual-protagonist team, and then sidelined her. Constantly. For their male lead and his stories and relationships.
All this in spite of the fact that Abbie Mills and her partnership with Ichabod Crane was the reason why people were watching. Abbie was the audience connection, the “normal person” tossed into the supernatural weirdness of the plot. People weren’t connecting with Ichabod Crane’s fish-out-of-water story, or his time-spanning Purgatory marriage, or his demon son – you can’t relate to Ichabod Crane, not really, but you could relate to Abbie Mills.
And the show ignored all of this, ignored the wonderful character and the gifted actor that had fallen into their weirdo supernatural show, for absolutely no reason besides shortsightedness and an unwillingness to bend to the natural progression of the story.
But the fact that they killed Abbie off – didn’t trap her in Purgatory or Pandora’s Box but absolutely, with great finality, said “Abbie Mills is dead” – in a sci-fi/fantasy show like Sleepy Hollow? That’s the most ridiculous part of this. They closed the loopholes that this genre takes advantage of constantly, and they did that because they flat-out did not care about Abbie Mills.
So yeah, Nicole Beharie wanted to leave.
Of course she did. Why would she stick around a job where she was clearly undervalued, when she could go on to do so much more?
Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader
Warning: Mentions of torture
“Draco, come here.” Draco’s father, Lucius, ordered from the other side of the courtyard.
Draco was frozen in place, glancing between his girlfriend, his parents, and the dark lord.
She stood behind him and shook her head imperceptibly, and Draco sighed, tears threatening to spill from his stormy eyes.
“Draco.” Narcissus called him, but he refused. Draco backed up slowly, making his decision. He took her hand in his and shielded her from the wrath of the people on the other side of the courtyard.
“No.” he told his mother and she nodded. Somehow, Draco knew she’d be alright with his choice even if his father wouldn’t. “I’m staying.”
The dark mark was burning on his arm and he winced, but didn’t back down. Voldemort looked at him curiously, eyes watching the scared teenagers standing in front of him. He hadn’t been expecting his youngest recruit to leave, and Lucius would pay.
“Lucius, control your son or I shall have to control him for you.” he spoke offhandedly. Draco knew immediately that he wasn’t safe, and neither was Y/N.
"Get ready, I’m apparating.” Draco murmured, and his girlfriend’s hold on his arm tightened. Then the swirl of the world squeezed them out onto a street Y/N didn’t recognize. Cars zoomed around them and the sound of music filtered through the air around them. Y/N looked up in awe, not letting go of Draco’s hand as he walked them along the street full of muggles who gave them curious looks.
Y/N assumed that was because of the blood and dirt caked over her clothing and Draco’s.
Draco broke down in sobs, tears spilling down his cheeks once he pulled them into an alley. He pressed her against a brick wall, his eyes clouded and wet.
"Draco—” she started.
"Are you okay? My aunt, what she did to you—I’m so sorry I couldn’t do more to help you get away.” His hands searched her face for any signs of injury, roughly moving her hair away from her face.
She took his hands into hers and kissed him, pouring her emotions into the kiss.
"Draco, I’m fine. What she did doesn’t matter to me. It’s in the past. I only care that you’re safe. Okay?” she reassured him, “I’m so proud of you. You’ve been so brave.”
He sobbed again and crushed her into a tight hug. She didn’t know how long they stood there, but she didn’t want to let him go. Not after everything the both of them had been through in the last year.