so i just... cried by myself

also i have the greatest friends in the world…and their moms being my 2nd and 3rd mom. 

its just been an emotional day but i havent been this open in so long and even though i might still be physically sick, i just feel so new. i felt actually comfortable to open up to my mom. she was so nice and understanding about everything. i haven’t  cried this much in months and havent felt this close to her in years 

i might of hit a super big dip in my academic life but my family willing and understandingly trying to do what they can just so i can be happy is just so much for me right now. 

i feel truly this is a beginning of me being a new person. just me being able to be myself 

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Ch I | Ch II 

okay okay okay but imagine during sam’s (numerous) visits to bucky in wakanda, one day bucky casually mentions the notebooks in kept in his backpack during civil war. or at least, he TRIES to be casual about it but sam can tell he’s really upset about losing them for potentially forever, but also he’s curious and he’s like “what’d you write in these notebooks ? russian soup recipes ?” 

bucky chuckles a little and he explains, tells sam about how sometimes he would jump up in the middle of the night and scribble down some scattered memory before it could fade away and be replaced by nightmares. he explains how the good memories, the ones with his family and steve before the war and the serum and everything else, were sometimes the ones that were harder to keep, how they would become blurry and static like a tv that doesn’t work so he decided to write them down, and then the bad ones got written down too because even though they were his own personal hell, he felt like he needed to remember. 

sam’s quiet for awhile and then he says, “after my dad died, i kept a journal and everytime me or my mom smiled, laughed, or made a joke, i’d write it down. i was just a kid and we were so sad for so long, the happy moments were few and far between, so i thought i needed to find a way to keep them forever. eventually i started to write about the days when we couldn’t laugh or smile, or the times i cried myself to sleep and didn’t immediatly run to my mom’s bedroom because she had a long day and needed the rest and i didn’t wanna upset her even more. i kept it until i was sixteen and when my mom found it she burst into tears.” 

they don’t speak much after that but the silence is meaningful, one more little piece of the puzzle that is their relationship slotting into place. 

sam is gone very early the next day (”ex-superhero, ex-captain america business, you civilians don’t quite get it” “i could still bench press you one-handed, wilson”) but when bucky wakes up he finds an expensive-looking, leather cover notebook and an equally expensive-looking pen on his bedside table and when he opens it he reads “for the memories” written on the front page. 

a few days later, sam receives a pic on his phone and it’s just a page of bucky’s new notebook that reads “thought about wilson’s stupid goggles and cackled so loud i scared the goats” with a drawing of a very ugly bird next to it, and that makes sam laugh out loud in the middle of a mission briefing, great timing barnes. 

It’s time for today’s Hiveswap development team interview!

Hey there folks! We’re back with our next Hiveswap developer interview, right on schedule. This week we’re chatting with our animation director Angela Sham, who – as some of you may already be aware – was already creatively contributing to the Homestuck universe before she started working on Hiveswap. So let’s jump right in!

Introduce yourself to the fans! What is your specific role on the Hiveswap team?

Hullo!! My name’s Angela and I’m the animation director on Hiveswap. I’m responsible for overseeing the development of sprites, cutscenes, and basically anything that moves. Together with our lead animator Adrienne, I help to make the pictures go. I’m very lucky to be drift compatible with her.

When and how did you get your start on the Hiveswap project?

Two years ago What Pumpkin (WP) brought me on to animate Act 7, and then I transitioned into game work! Speaking of Act 7, you can check that out right here if you’d like.

Tell us a little bit about your career background! How did you get your start in animation? Do you have any advice for others looking to enter this field?

I didn’t ever expect to be an animator, to be honest. I didn’t go to school for art, and animation was a manic sort of hobby that helped me concentrate. When I graduated I decided to give it a shot as a career and happened to start freelancing for Sparkler Monthly, where another WP employee was also working, and that was when I joined the Homestuck team. My advice is, there is no one “right” way to enter the field, so draw what you want and put it out there. In my case, I drew fan art and a Homestuck fan animation called “A Lullaby for Gods,” and… here we are! In fact, you can watch “A Lullaby for Gods” right here if you’re so inclined.

We’re making a video game, so of course the question must be asked: what’s your favorite game of all time, and what games are you playing currently (if any)?

This is an impossible question; how could you ask me this!? You’re gonna have to settle for categories of favorite/influential games, including hits like I Cried for 50 Days (Shadow of the Colossus); Why Am I Doing This to Myself (God Hand); I Have a Mouth and It Is Screaming (Rule of Rose, Haunting Ground); I’m Just RPG Trash (Final Fantasy IX, Okami, Paper Mario, Kingdom Hearts); and Gitaroo-Man (Gitaroo-Man). I’m currently playing through NieR: Automata, and I drive around in Grand Theft Auto V when I really need to relax.

Are there any games that you currently use or have used as inspiration for your own animation work here on Hiveswap, or just in general?

Street Fighter III, BlazBlue, and Skullgirls for sure.

As an animator, you must have some favorite cartoons and/or anime – tell us about them!

Tekkonkinkreet was the film that made me want to animate. Something about it made me realize it was possible, that such an incredible thing was made by people, even though I grew up on a healthy diet of cartoons and anime. Some favorite cartoons include Hey Arnold! and Ed, Edd n Eddy, while Samurai Champloo and Escaflowne rank among my favorite anime. Animators who have been especially influential to me include Hiroyuki Imaishi, Yutaka Nakamura, Norio Matsumoto, and Sergio Pablos. I could talk all day about animation, so I’m gonna do you all a favor and head myself off at the pass.

What’s your workstation like? Do you like to listen to any particular kinds of music while you work? If so, tell us about it!

I work from home, so it gets very… uh… listen, there are a lot of snacks within arm’s reach, between my monitors and just a bit too close to all of my art books. Nobody should be told about this, let’s move on.

Favorite Homestuck character?

HMMM. The beta kids are nearest and dearest to my heart; I can’t rank them because they wouldn’t be great without each other. And their patron trolls. So I guess I have eight favorite characters, and are we only being asked impossible questions now.

Favorite Homestuck ship?

GUESS SO. In the early days, I was really ready for Karkat >3>John to happen, but after all these years, the long-buried ship that I think of every so often when I’m lying awake at night wondering where it all went is… Dave/Terezi.

Favorite Homestuck flash?

Lord. I’ve been going through flashes for like 40 minutes now, and this one is actually impossible. This isn’t an answer, but the first one I checked was Jade:Enter, then Jack:Ascend, then Descend, then Make Her Pay, then…

Do you have a personal message you’d like to relay to all the Homestuck and Hiveswap fans out there?

I know. You don’t think I know, but I know. I’m there too.

3

The scene after Connor & Hank leave Kamski’s place is my absolute favorite scene in the entire game. I just wish they’d gone a bit farther with it.

Connor battling with emotions is my favorite thing ever and i cri every tim i think abt him

i don’t think i was in love with you or anything like that.
i was just amazed by our existences’ collision despite the very little probability they had to do so. i just really enjoyed your presence, your voice and your scent. i just smiled sillily when the thought of you popped in my head and cried sincerely when you walked away. i just found it easier to breathe, to live when you were around but suddenly felt the urge to never wake up to another day when you left.
i repeat, i don’t think i was in love with you or anything. i’m a very good liar, so good i convinced myself whatever feelings i had for you were not to be called “love”. however, just like all good liars do, i knew the exact truth i was trying to cover up.

i fucking love the adventure zone because sometimes it’s like…absolutely heartbreakingly beautiful story-telling or on-the-edge-of-your-seat thrills 

and then sometimes it’s justin, travis, and their dad chanting “FANTASY SHORTS. FANTASY SHORTS. FANTASY SHORTS” at poor griffin who’s trying to move the plot forward 

XD

hello 911 this ship is ruining my life

because i havent been drawing anything else other than these two, lately, have some damien/oz scribbles

“How High?”
  • “I turned down my TV because I couldn’t taste my macaroni.” 
  • “A cop at the party I was at last night asked who had a gun. I was so high I thought he asked who had fun, so I raised my hand.” 
  • “I looked at myself in the mirror for ten minutes to watch myself blink. I missed it every time. I was so pissed.” 
  • “My parents asked why my eyes were so red. I told them I had laser vision.” 
  • “I cried because I realized snakes are just tails with faces.” 
  • “I smoked a bunch of weed with four friends and went to a drive-through. We didn’t feel like figuring out how to split the bill between us, so we went through the drive-through five times.” 
  • “I wanted to play a video game but the TV was dirty. I couldn’t find the duster so I used my cat.” 
  • “We pulled into the driveway and I realized my mom’s car wasn’t there. I yelled, ‘fuck yeah, my mom isn’t home!’ She was driving me.” 
  • “I smoked weed on my grandparents’ farm but didn’t want to smell like weed, so I rubbed a baby goat all over myself and proceeded to tell the goat he was a good guy.” 
  • “I screamed ‘MY POTATOES’ when my friend sat on my legs.” 
  • “I turned my friend’s XBox at a 60 degree angle to make it an XBox 420.” 

Hey Tumblr-

Look, you’ve been in my life for a fair few years now, and I’ve seen a few things in my time. 

But right now, I’m tired, so tired, of this new thing in fandom where if you’re not bashing something you’re not a fan, you’re a problem. 

Star Wars fandom, I’m looking straight at you. 

Let. People. Enjoy. Things. 

Star Wars is made to be enjoyed. It’s entertainment in its purest form really. 

So I’m not gonna just sit here whilst you all run around like apes with sticks to try and be the one who bashes TLJ the most. Because *shock horror* I enjoyed the movie. A lot. I laughed, I cried, I enjoyed the ride. 

Sure, its not perfect- but nothing is. 

So forgive my tired old fandom bones if I remove myself from the mess of discourse that’s about to come down like an avalanche. 

Sincerely, Indy  

Writing Prompts

1. “Didn’t you hear? You’re dead.”

2. “Today marks the first day in history that you weren’t a dumbass.”

3. “Even when I leave my very clear instructions, you still manage to accidentally set something on fire. How?”

4. “You were here, but then, you were there, and now, I am confused.”

5. “New things are always fun, but that doesn’t mean the old has to get any less fun.” 

6. “There was something you said that really spoke to me yesterday, oh yeah, it was-.”

7. “Moonlight is the only light I like, the sun burns me.”

8. “I moved out so I could get a dog.”

9. “What? When did that happen? How long was I gone for?”

10. “You know that arrow was meant for you right?”

11. “Maybe there was something about it that I was drawn to, maybe it was fate, but regardless, I knew I needed to have it.”

12. “My personality? Really?”

13. “I could have said something, but I didn’t, and you know why? Because I’m not a mean person, that’s why.”

14. “Hey, I get it. Don’t worry about it.”

15. “Have you ever heard a song that describes exactly how you feel, so much so, that you can’t help but listen to it over and over?”

16. “I am not going to say I am experienced in this, because I’m not. However, I have killed someone before, so that should count right?”

17. “There isn’t anything wrong with breaks. Especially breaking bones.”

18. “Maybe I didn’t! Have you ever thought about that?”

19. “Pranks are cool.”

20. “I can’t bake a cake. What makes you think I can bake a cake?”

21. “Why can’t numbers be less complicated?”

22. “Oh, that’s because I won.”

23. “You just got burned, and by burned I mean detonated. Just lie down and die. There is no bouncing back from that one.”

24. “I could say there is a silver-lining but dude, this sucks.”

25. “There wasn’t anything that I wanted more in that moment then that cake, so, I did what I had to do.”

26. “Conversations? Socializing? Being outside of my house? That sounds horrible, no.”

27. “Because even the sky cries, but beautiful things always happen after.”

28. “Today, I will be the new me, and by new me, I mean I won’t throw myself at the cookie tray.”

29. “Why are you playing the ukulele?”

30. “I dunno? Just set it on fire, I guess.”

a year of dropped calls, undelivered text messages, text messages i could not bear to write and a whole year of silence.
silence.
silent like my wilting cries swallowed back at 4 am to avoid waking the neighbors.
silent like the ‘i love you’s’ that never again slipped past your lips.
silent like the radio i turned down because your favorite song started playing and i just needed to fucking drive.
silent like my phone became once you left, no longer brimming with your sweet words, asking if i was doing okay.
silent like the party noises we both drowned out- searching for our own voices ringing in the crowd.
silent like my pen gliding across fresh paper, leaking ink colored with the way you once said my name.
silent like the midnight hour, the both of us awake, scrolling through the photos and love letters we swore never to visit again.

it’s a common trope to say that silence is deafening- that sometimes silence is the loudest thing to ever be heard. 
however, our silence is simply quiet. 
it has been muted by the distance that grows between us. 
i suppose the silence is comforting. it reminds me that you don’t exist so loudly anymore.

and i know that the silence will exist until my choked up cries bubble into laughter,
until i remind myself to love myself,
until i flip the radio to another station and turn it all the way up,
until my mother texts me to see if i’m okay,
until the party sounds get so loud that we have to plug our ears and just sing along,
until my pen runs out of ink and i have to use an old, beaten up pencil instead,
until the both of us find sleep at 11 pm, snores crawling out in a delicate song.

despite all of the hurt,
the silence has never been our enemy.
so do me one last favor my dear-

shh…

—  mute. |(morsus engel)| 

I often find myself wondering if Jake is okay :/
(ALSO, @richardgoranski Because i legitimately just saw you would love to be tagged in BMC art in general, so here ya go buddy) 

6

Local sunshine boy get his first ever real binder!!!

(and cries about it a lot because so happy there’s not even words to describe it…also there’s glitter all over me bc Mardi Gras!)