so you can spit

7

It’s Sunday and now Sunday means spitpaint uploading day.

ouma is already a problem, but I’ll never get over little kiibo;; hang in there saihara! 

Heyyyy quick note that while Jay Z should be dragged to hell and back for this shit, let’s not talk about how physically ugly he is, especially in reference to his BLACK facial features… don’t make me have to defend James S’s ass especially rn

Oil Pulling: The Basics


Oil pulling. It whitens your teeth, improves your breath, helps your skin and even helps increase energy. So why isn’t everyone doing it?

I’ve been oil pulling for about six months now and, being someone who has always been slightly OCD about oral health, I wanted to share this Ayurvedic practice because it genuinely works!

What is it?

Oil pulling is literally the practice of swishing about a tablespoon of oil around your mouth, first thing in a morning (and on an empty stomach in general) for about 15-20 minutes. It originated in India thousands of years ago, but has been increasingly used medically in the US and UK since the 1990s. The idea is that the scummy layer that builds up in your mouth overnight sticks in the oil so you can spit it out. This is different to just brushing your teeth in the morning, where you move the bacteria around your mouth a bit rather than completely removing it.

What are the benefits?

There are many claims worldwide from people who have experienced benefits from oil pulling, including help with skin conditions, arthritis, asthma, headaches, hormone imbalances, infections, liver problems etc. However, the main and direct benefits of oil pulling are:

- Whiter teeth

- Healthier gums

- Less sensitive teeth

- Better breath

- Strengthens teeth, jaw and gums

- Prevents mouth bleeding and diseases

How do I do it?

If this sounds like something you think you’ll benefit from, this is how to get started:

1. Get some oil!

Traditionally, people oil pull with either sesame oil or coconut oil. I now alternate between the two, but I would recommend doing it with coconut oil as it has added health benefits and tastes nice!

2. When you wake up in the morning, before you brush your teeth, get one tablespoon of oil and put it in your mouth.

This might sound like an extra thing to do in the morning, but I find that I wake up and am oil pulling while I get showered/dressed. Once you then spit the oil out, you can brush your teeth.
Note: You must swish the oil round your mouth for at least 15 minutes, because otherwise all of the scum won’t get into the oil. You’ll know if you’ve done it right if the oil goes from being clear (when you first put it in your mouth) to being thicker and white.

3. Spit it out into the bin or toilet, not the sink.

When the bacteria is in the oil, it becomes pretty gross (even toxic, some say). So it needs to be spat out where it can be disposed of. Ideally you should spit it into the bin because the oil can clog up the pipes. However, I usually spit it into the toilet, and spray a bit of bathroom cleaner down there before I flush for good measure!

4. Inspect your clean, sparkly teeth and brush your teeth as normal.

It’s as simple as that! I will usually clean my tongue with an Ayurvedic tongue scraper after I oil pull, then brush my teeth with a toothpaste without Fluoride or Sodium Laureth Sulfate. However, you can just do whatever it is you usually do!

                                                         Enjoy! 

6

Historical Fanfic No One Asked For: Blue Coat Red Coat

Steve found his mark in the barn.

He held his wounded belly, chest rising and falling. A wounded, wild animal. He looked up at Steve with all the defiance a dying man could muster. Steve held his bayonet at the ready. He should’ve shot. The man was a rebel, a traitor to the king. But that look in those steel eyes– they spoke of desperation, of a life suppressed and denied freedom. Steve wasn’t daft. In those eyes, Steve saw himself, clear and free of England’s patriotism. He wore the colors of oppression, the symbol of a king who let others die in his stead, he grew up reciting prayers altered to fit a king angered by the Catholic Church. He was a lie, and all it took was that flash, unfiltered, raw and so very clear in the blue coat’s gaze. So Steve lowered his bayonet, dropped to his knees and pulled out his bandages. 

The man flinched away, but his throat betrayed him with mangled whines of pain. He let Steve undo the buttons on his jacket and rip open his cotton shirt. The wound glistened in the barn. Orange flames from Steve’s lantern painted the man’s chest in wild flashes of color. Steve pulled out a flask of water, cleaning the wound. He’d need ale to prevent infection, but Steve couldn’t move him like this. 

“W-why? So you c-can take me prisoner? Torture me for information?” The man spit in Steve’s face. “Fuck you.” 

“No.” Steve wiped the saliva off his cheek. “Because fuck the king. That’s why.” 

The man’s eyes rounded, his sharp gaze was less wolf and more human. His skin even warmed as he relaxed against the hay. 

“Those’re traitor’s words,” he said before coughing. “You’re a captain.” He pointed to the gorget over Steve’s sternum. 

“Yeah well, maybe I’ve seen enough people die for a man who’s too scared to fight his own battles.” 

The man tried to laugh, but it came out garbled and wet. He rested his head back, adam’s apple bobbing. “Welcome to the rebellion, red coat.”

“What’s your name, blue coat?”

The man flashed a smile, his canines glinting in the lantern light. With a wince, he sat up more, holding the bandages where Steve packed the wound. “Get me outta here alive, and I’ll think about telling you.” 

­

how does ben platt sing through tears like i cry when i sing just because my eyes tear up but if it gets bad i sound like a fucking goat. this man gets up there and sobs his fucking eyes out every night what the fuck kind of witchcraft bullshittery is this

Just Pretend    *NSFW*

Summary: Reader wakes up from a dream about her ex; all hot and bothered.

Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 1470

Warnings: NSFW; Smut; Masturbation (male and female); Unprotected sex (just use a condom); some angst.

A/N: Okay, so I originally posted this on a side blog that I created (@bbuckmebarnes) but I decided that I will not be running it anymore as I don’t want to end up neglecting one and I focus more on this one anyways. SO. I’m moving the one piece that wasn’t so terrible here! Again, feedback would be great!

Keep reading

PANIC! AT THE DISCO SENTENCE STARTERS.

random mix of panic! at the disco lyrics.

’ No, I can’t help but to hear an exchanging of words. ’
’ What a beautiful wedding! ’
’ Haven’t you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?! ’
’ And, yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom’s bride is a whore. ’
’ I mean technically our marriage is saved. ’
’ So, pour the champagne, pour the champagne! ’
’ And if you don’t know, now you know. ’
’ I see what’s mine and take it. ’
’ I’m taking back the crown. ’
’ I’m all dressed up and naked. ’
’ Snatch your chain and mace your eyes. ’
’ Heroes always get remembered. ’
’ But you know legends never die. ’
’ If it feels good, tastes good. ’
’ I’m taking back, back, taking back, back. ’
’ Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? ’
’ Anyway the wind blows, doesn’t really matter to me. ’
’ I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy. ’
’ But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away. ’
’ If I’m not back again this time tomorrow. ’
’ Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth. ’
’ Goodbye everybody, I’ve got to go. ’
’ I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all. ’
’ Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango? ’
’ Spare him his life from this monstrosity. ’
’ Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? ’
’ Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me. ’
’ Oh, baby, you can’t do this to me, baby. ’
’ So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? ’
’ So you think you can love me and leave me to die? ’
’ Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here. ’
’ Nothing really matters. ’
’ Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart. ’
’ Their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds. ’
’ If you love me let me go. ’
’ Don’t try to sleep through the end of the world. ’
’ ‘Cause these words are knives and often leave scars. ’
’ And truth be told, I never was yours. ’
’ ‘Cause I won’t give up without a fight. ’
’ Tonight we are victorious. ’
’ It hurts until it stops, we will love until it’s not. ’
’ My touch is black and poisonous. ’
’ I’m like a scarf trick, it’s all up the sleeve. ’
’ I know you need it, do you feel it. ’
’ Shooting fireworks like it’s the Fourth of July. ’
Sing Along

So a little bit ago my lovely friend @nalusrainbowtree messaged me a little prompt and I’m honestly in love with it. 

Prompt:

You know what fic I need? One where lance is listening to his music but no one's around so he takes the headphones out and just plays it out loud. Bohemian Rhapsody starts playing and he gets really into well the other paladins hear and start singing with him word for word. Allura and Coran look at them in horror at the lyrics (‘momma just killed a man, put a gun against his head pulled my trigger now he’s dead’) 

I’m so excited to write this, I love Bohemian Rhapsody or anything by Queen. 

Also slight homesick Lance because I had too 

Lance was cleaning his lion, he needed to keep busy. Being still made him too fidgety. It made him feel lazy, like he was suppose to be doing something, so he started to clean. 

He started with his room, making his bed, dusting his shelf, washing his closes, organizing his bathroom and vacuuming the floor. Yet Lance still felt like he hadn’t done enough so he moved into the kitchen. 

Hunk usually kept the kitchen pretty clean but Lance still found things to clean. He scrubbed the stove a few hundred times, he washed the dishes and wiped down the counters. 

Lance hummed as he cleaned, he felt more at home than he ever felt on the castle. Lance leaned back and rested his elbows on one of the counters, his eyes fluttering shut and he sighed. Just like home, cleaning. Now I’m just missing music and my family dancing and singing. Lance’s eyes flew open as he thought about what he just said. “MUSIC! I need music!” He looked around the kitchen, “now where are Pidge’s headphones?” 

-

Lance was on a roll, he had already cleaned the common room, the bridge, the star room and was now making his way down to Blue’s hanger. Music was pulsing through his veins and he could feel the beat in his bones. Lance had his phone on high volume and swayed to the beat as he strolled into the hanger. 

Blue immediately perked up at her paladins presence and Lance gave her a huge smile, pulling his headphones around his neck. “Hey beautiful, ready to be cleaned?” Lance heard her purr and started to wipe down one of her front paws. 

Lance started to scrub at some of the dirt but found himself working up a sweat the longer he scrubbed. Man this stuff is really on here. He felt sweat fall down his face and soon pulled off his headphones and unplugged them from his phone. “Well Blue, I hope you like my music.” Lance was off again, his music echoing off the big room and Lance’s voice blasting through the music. 

Lance’s mom always liked his voice and Lance liked signing for her, she always encouraged Lance to sing everywhere and he fell in love with singing. Every time he sang he felt closer to his mom and the hole in his chest filled in a bit more. 

Lance was so lost in thought thinking about his family that he completely missed the first words to one of the best songs ever. His brain focused on the words around, “Is this just fantasy?” and without hesitation Lance immediately started to belt the lyrics. 

Caught in a landslide! No escape from reality!” Lance started to dance around the room, the familiar harmonies fill his ears. 

Look up to the sky and seeeeeeeee!” Lance heard another voice join him and looked toward the door, seeing Hunk smiling as he kept singing. 

Lance ran towards his best friend and they both continued the lyrics. “I’m just a poor boy!” 

I need no sympathy!” Pidge ran into the room and immediately joined the two boys in their singing. The three of them sand “To meeeeeee,” and without fail both Keith and Shiro entered the room, singing the piano part, keeping their voices light for the piano. 

Lance gave a giggle at what they were doing and immediately composed himself to sing the most tragic part. “Mamaaaaaa, just killed a mannnnn. Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he’s dead. Mamaaaa life had just begun!! But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away!” 

The five paladins kept on signing, filling each word with emotions for the story that they were telling, all completely oblivious to the two Alteans who entered the room to check on the noise and their horrified expressions. 

“Coran! Did the paladins kill a man?” Allura whispered as she grabbed onto the older man’s arm in fear and concern for her paladin. 

“I do not know princess.” Coran stared at them, “maybe they finally lost it?” 

The paladins kept singing, all of them swaying to the beat keeping the mood heavy. “Too late, my time has comeeee. Sent shivers down my spine,” Lance moved his hand down as to motion the chimes and Keith smiled widely at him. “Body’s aching all the timeeee. Goodbye everybody, I’ve got to gooooo.” 

“Are the paladins leaving? Coran they can’t leave they need to defeat Voltron! And why are they singing to their ‘mama’?” Allura stepped forward to questioned the paladins but Coran stopped her, she didn’t understand the stroy at all. 

“Princess, let’s not jump to conclusions, maybe they are just having fun?” Coran voice was low and he didn’t even believe himself. 

“Killing a man is fun?! Oh I do not wish to visit Earth.” Allura placed a hand on her head as the group moved on to another part of the song. 

Lance took this part over, dramatically falling to his knees. “I don’t want to dieeeeee! Sometimes wish I’d never been born at allllll!” The paladins all played invisible instruments and Allura looked like she was ready to slap some sense into her paladins, hoping they would explain the song. 

“Does Lance really think that?” 

The paladins still ignored their guest and soon broke out into piano playing, switching between the notes for Gallieo. Pidge taking the high notes while Shiro took the low notes. Lance went solo for the next part and his friends covered the background notes. 

I’m just a poor boy nobody loves me.” 

HE’S JUST A POOR BOY FROM A POOR FAMILY!

The paladins unconsciously split into groups, Lance, Keith and Pidge singing the first “LET HIM GOOOO!” While Hunk and Shiro sung, “BISMILLAH! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!” This followed to the hard guitar playing and the paladins screaming at the tops of their lungs, feeling the high fall down towards the end. 

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME AND SPIT IN MY EYEEEEEE? SO YOU THINK YOU CAN LOVE ME AND LEAVE ME TO DIEEEEE?? OHHHH BABY!” The paladins played intense air guitar as they danced around the room, ignoring the words and stopping when the song started to come down from its high. 

Nothing really mattersssss, anyone can see. Nothing really matters. Nothing really matters. To meeeeeeeeeeeee.” The group stopped where they started, only then realizing Allura and Coran horrified faces. They all caught there breath for a minuet and Lance waved them over. 

“Hey you guys, did you like the song?” The paladins smiled at the two of them and Allura couldn’t contain her emotions anymore. 

“That was the most confusing sing ever! You killed a man then sang to be let go??? I have so many questions.” She leaned against Blue and heard laughter around her. 

“Join the club Princess.” 

Does anyone actually understand this song????? Jk

I based this off of how my sisters and I act when we sing this song, it’s a family and school classic. 

I had so much writing this and I really hope you have fun reading it!!!!

I recommend that you check out this song if you haven’t heard it before! 

Thank you so much for letting me write this

I hope you like it! Sorry it took so long!!!!!

Suicide Squad: The Album Starters

Purple Lamborghini.

  • ‘ murder on my mind. ’
  • ‘ it’s time to pray to God. ’
  • ‘ I might make a mistake ’
  • ‘ this is Gotham City. ’
  • ‘ got that purple Lamborghini lurkin’. ’
  • ‘ forgive me for my wrongs, I have just begun. ’
  • ‘ don’t be beggin’ for your life ‘cause that’s a lost cause. ’
  • ‘ make up your mind, baby, 'cause the time is here. ’
  • ‘ need a couple gang members for these new endeavors. ’
  • ‘ from this point on anything we do we do together. ’
  • ‘ seven figures, I spend that every other month. ’
  • ‘ every day was life and death, that’s when the cash came. ’

Sucker For Pain.

  • ‘ i torture you. ’
  • ‘ take my hand through the flames. ’
  • ‘ i’m a slave to your games. ’
  • ‘ i wanna chain you up. ’
  • ‘ i wanna tie you down. ’
  • ‘ i’m just a sucker for pain. ’
  • ‘ i got the squad tatted on me from my neck to my ankles. ’
  • ‘ pressure from the man got us all in rebellion? ’
  • ‘ we gon’ go to war, yeah, without failure. ’
  • ‘ love and the loyalty that’s what we stand for. ’
  • ‘ alienated by society. ’
  • ‘ all this pressure give me anxiety. ’
  • ‘ so we put the world on our shoulders. ’
  • ‘ you don’t know me. ’
  • ‘ we’re the ones you trust in. ’
  • ‘ I won’t hesitate to go straight to your head like a concussion. ’
  • ‘ devoted to destruction ’
  • ‘ a full dosage of detrimental dysfunction ’
  • ‘ see I’m a fool for pain ’
  • ‘ that’s why my heart cold, full of sorrow, the lost soul ’
  • ‘ this is what we wanted from a young age ’

Heathens.

  • ‘ all my friends are heathens. ’
  • ‘ take it slow. ’
  • ‘ wait for them to ask you who you know. ’
  • ‘ please don’t make any sudden moves. ’
  • ‘ you don’t know the half of the abuse. ’
  • ‘ we check the guns at the door. ’
  • ‘ doesn’t mean our brains will change. ’
  • ‘ how’d I get here, sitting next to you? ’
  • ‘ please don’t forget. ’
  • ‘ we don’t deal with outsiders very well. ’
  • ‘ they say newcomers have a certain smell. ’
  • ‘ you have trust issues. ’
  • ‘ they say they can smell your intentions. ’
  • ‘ why’d you come? ’
  • ‘ you knew you should have stayed. ’
  • ‘ I tried to warn you just to stay away. ’
  • ‘ they’re outside ready to bust.’
  • ‘ it looks like you might be one of us.’

Standing in the Rain.

  • ‘ i saw you standing in the rain. ’
  • ‘ you were holding his hand. ’
  • ‘ i’ll never be the same. ’
  • ‘ dressed like a playboy. ’
  • ‘ the money eases everybody’s mind. ’
  • ‘ i should have known when you stole money. ’
  • ‘ slide your panties to the side. ’
  • ‘ i got old money. ’

Gangsta.

  • ‘ i need a gangsta to love me better than all the others do. ’
  • ‘ always forgive me. ’
  • ‘ ride or die with me. ’
  • ‘ i’m fucked up. ’
  • ‘ i’m black and blue. ’
  • ‘ i’m built for it, all the abuse. ’
  • ‘ i got secrets that nobody knows. ’
  • ‘ i don’t want what i can get. ’
  • ‘ i want someone with secrets that nobody knows. ’
  • ‘ my freakness is on the loose. ’
  • ‘ running all over you. ’
  • ‘ take me to places that nobody knows. ’
  • ‘ you got me hooked up on a feeling ’
  • ‘ i’m barely breathing. ’
  • ‘ don’t let me go. ’

Know Better.

  • ‘ you should know better. ’
  • ‘ i’m a winner. ’
  • ‘ now we’re getting it for real. ’
  • ‘ shoulda left you right there where i met you. ’
  • ‘ i’m a bread winner. ’
  • ‘ no talkin’. ’
  • ‘ we finish it. ’
  • ‘ some say i’m ignorant. ’
  • ‘ maybe i’m different. ’
  • ‘ looked at you like you were special. ’
  • ‘ somebody called a riot? ’
  • ‘ teach them how to trust one another. ’
  • ‘ all we have is us. ’
  • ‘ shit like this is hard to come by. ’

You Don’t Own Me.

  • ‘ you don’t own me. ’
  • ‘ i can always have just what i want. ’
  • ‘ she’s the baddest. ’
  • ‘ i would love to flaunt. ’
  • ‘ take her shopping, you know yves saint laurent? ’
  • ‘ she got her own dough. ’
  • ‘ i’m not just one of your many toys. ’
  • ‘ don’t say i can’t go with other boys. ’
  • ‘ don’t tell me what to do. ’
  • ‘ don’t tell me what to say. ’
  • ‘ when i go out with you don’t put me on display. ’
  • ‘ don’t try to change me in anyway. ’
  • ‘ don’t tie me down cause i’d never stay. ’
  • ‘ i get bored of basic bitches. ’
  • ‘ straight up vicious. ’
  • ‘ i texted her asking her if she’s alone and if she’d send some pictures.. ’
  • ‘ she said no. ’
  • ‘ she said come over and see it for yourself. ’
  • ‘ independent woman. ’
  • ‘ stay up til we see the sun. ’
  • ‘ she does it better than I’ve ever seen it done. ’
  • ‘ that’s when she told me she ain’t never ever gonna be owned. ’

Without Me.

  • ‘ guess who’s back. ’
  • ‘ back again. ’
  • ‘ i’m chopped liver. ’
  • ‘ if you want shady this is what i’ll give ya ’
  • ‘ all the memories that we make will never change. ’
  • ‘ you waited this long. ’
  • ‘ now stop debating. ’
  • ‘ but it feels so empty without me. ’
  • ‘ I just settled all my lawsuits. ’
  • ‘ fuck you, debbie. ’
  • ‘ now this looks like a job for me. ’
  • ‘ so everybody, just follow me. ’
  • ‘ we need a little controversy. ’
  • ‘ little hellions. ’
  • ‘ feeling rebellious? ’
  • ‘ could start a revolution. ’
  • ‘ so just let me revel and back in the fact that i got everyone kissing my ass. ’
  • ‘ testing, attention please. ’
  • ‘ you sent for me? ’
  • ‘ nobody listens to techno. ’
  • ‘ i’ll be there with a whole list full of new insults. ’
  • ‘ i’m not the first king of controversy. ’
  • ‘ there’s a concept that works ’
  • ‘ it’ll be so empty without me. ’

Wreak Havoc.

  • ‘ they call me a menace. ’
  • ‘ they say that i’m cursed. ’
  • ‘ something about me is making them jealous ’
  • ‘ so listen and learn. ’
  • ‘ i’m surrounded by cowards. ’
  • ‘ that’s why i got all the power. ’
  • ‘ i’m where you wanna be. ’
  • ‘ all of my enemies made a decision, it’s better to follow me. ’
  • ‘ i make no apologies. ’
  • ‘ all of my sins I would repeat and repeat. ’
  • ‘ i’ll be me til the death of me. ’
  • ‘ i can smell your fear. ’
  • ‘ the only reason that i’m here is to wreak havoc. ’
  • ‘ everybody’s praying that i’ll change, yeah maybe one day but tomorrow i’ll be back at it. ’
  • ‘ bad habits they die hard ’
  • ‘ we live fast we die hard. ’
  • ‘ go against me you’ll die hard. ’
  • ‘ Thrive when I’m beating the man ’
  • ‘ straight outta context. ’
  • ‘ hate that you need me. ’
  • ‘ wanna destroy me but you can’t. ’
  • ‘ and if love is real maybe I’m just too bad to remember how good it feels ’

Medieval Warfare.

  • ‘ i’ve been looking for a diamond. ’
  • ‘ it shines like ice. ’
  • ‘ baby you can have it if you say it nice. ’
  • ‘ come on, baby, let’s do something ugly. something you would never touch yourself. ’
  • ‘ can you kill a man with your hands? ’
  • ‘ are you hot? ’
  • ‘ do you want me? ’
  • ‘ think i don’t understand? ’
  • ‘ i’ve been sleeping with a rifle. ’
  • ‘ come on, baby, let’s do something pretty. something you would never touch yourself. ’

Bohemian Rhapsody.

  • ‘ Is this the real life? ’
  • ‘ Is this just fantasy? ’
  • ‘ no escape from reality. ’
  • ‘ i need no sympathy ’
  • ‘ because i’m easy come, easy go. ’
  • ‘ mama, i just killed a man. ’
  • ‘ put a gun against his head pulled my trigger now he’s dead. ’
  • ‘ now i’ve gone and thrown it all away. ’
  • ‘ didn’t mean to make you cry. ’
  • ‘ if i’m not back again this time tomorrow, carry on. ’
  • ‘ send shivers down my spine. ’
  • ‘ body’s aching all the time. ’
  • ‘ i don’t want to die. ’
  • ‘ i sometimes wish i’d never been born at all. ’
  • ‘ i see a little silhouetto of a man. ’
  • ‘ thunderbolts and lightning very, very frightening.  ’
  • ‘ nobody loves me. ’
  • ‘ he’s just a poor boy from a poor family. ’
  • ‘ so you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? ’
  • ‘ nothing really matters. ’

Slippin’ Into Darkness.

  • ‘ I was slippin’ into darkness when they took my friend away. ’
  • ‘ he loves to drink good whiskey. ’
  • ‘ i talk to my brother. ’
  • ‘ i got a wife and a baby. ’
  • ‘ I was slippin’ into darkness when I heard my mother say. ’
  • ‘ you’ve been slippin’ into darkness. ’
  • ‘ pretty soon you’re gonna pay. ’

Fortunate Son.

  • ‘ some folks are born made to wave the flag. ’
  • ‘ they point the cannon at you. ’
  • ‘ it ain’t me. ’
  • ‘ i ain’t no senator’s son. ’
  • ‘ i ain’t no fortunate one. ’
  • ‘ some folks are born silver spoon in hard. ’
  • ‘ don’t they help themselves? ’
  • ‘ the house looks like a rummage sale. ’
  • ‘ I ain’t no millionaire’s son. ’
  • ‘ how much should we give? ’

I Started a Joke.

  • ‘ I started a joke. ’
  • ‘ But I didn’t see that the joke was one me. ’
  • ‘ Oh, if I’d only seen that the joke was on me. ’
She's Testosterone

Read the sequel: She’s Testosterone 2
Words: 2.4k
Genre: Crack Fic. No lies here.
Summary: Drop dead gorgeous, cute and sassy - you adore your best friend. But is there more beneath the surface? Who exactly is Min Yoonji?

Cr. 

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-

“Turn that fucking shit off!” A groggy voice calls on the other side of the tiny room.

It takes less than a second for you to spring up from your bed with a big inhale and stretch.

It’s a new day!

A new future!

A new you!

Keep reading

I'm a slut for dirty talk so.. Phone sex Joshler!

“Miss me already?” Josh smirked, holding the phone against his ear. He sunk down into the plush bed, the mountain of pillows holding him upright. Josh loved hotel beds. “I wanted to share!” Tyler snapped, obviously still annoyed. “I can’t believe they put us in separate rooms.”
“They thought they were doing us a favour-” Josh reasoned, stretching himself out on the bed. Josh had already got himself undressed for the night, wearing just his boxers.
Tyler huffed but didn’t argue. “You know what I would be doing if you were here?” Tyler’s voice was low and Josh hummed. “Tell me…”

There was a slight sound of rustling, Tyler moving on his own bed before he continued. “I would kiss you…” Tyler told him, his voice heavy. “I would kiss your lips. Your neck. Throat. Chest.” Josh shifted himself so he was laying down, one knee bent, his free hand resting on his thigh and the other holding his phone to his ear.

“You know that thing you like?” Tyler spoke again, his sultry voice drawing Josh in. “Josh?”
“Yes.” Josh whispered, his fingers drawing patterns on his bare thigh. “What do you like baby?” Tyler asked and Josh twitched slightly, getting hard. “When you-” Josh cut himself short, embarrassment creeping up on him. “Tell me.”

Tyler’s voice was louder than before, assertive. “Use your teeth.” Josh settled on saying. “When I lick and kiss your chest, using my tongue on your nipples..” Tyler pressed. “And I’ll build it up, sucking and licking, real good for you Josh.” Tyler’s breath was heavy now and Josh could imagine him, laying in his own bed, hard, thinking about Josh.

Josh hummed, his hand resting over his crouch. “I’ll wait until you’re practically begging me before I scrape my teeth over your skin, biting down hard, making you scream my name.” Josh whimpered at Tyler’s words, his eyes slipping shut as he pressed down on his erection. “Would you like that?”

“Yes..” Josh’s voice was more of a whine than anything. He was squirming against the sheets, hard and needy. “Tell me how much.” Tyler breathed. “A lot.” Josh said, trying to find the words. “I love it when you-” Josh’s hips rose off the bed, pressing against his hand, making him whimper. “You.. Tease me.”

“Are you touching yourself Josh?” Tyler asked and Josh shook his head before answering a quiet “not yet.”
“Do it.” Tyler demanded “imagine it’s me touching you.” Josh’s hand slipped under his shorts, gripping himself tightly. “Speak baby.” Tyler’s voice was still cool, held together and clear. Josh wondered if he was as worked up as he was. “It feels so good-” Josh told him, followed with a low moan. “I wish it was you, I love it when you touch me Ty.” Josh lifted his hips and pulled his shorts down around his knees before taking hold of himself again, his hand slowly working himself.

He could feel the heat building, the pressure, his stomach in knots. Josh knew Tyler wouldn’t have to say much more for him to lose it completely. “I want to taste you Josh, suck on that beautiful cock of yours while you pull my hair and-” Tyler let out a long sigh and Josh groaned, thinking about him finally touching himself. “I love it when you fuck my face.” Tyler finished, his words not as steady as before.

Josh was panting, his eyes screwed shut, Tyler’s voice taking him over. “You’re mouth was made for sucking dick.” Josh added, holding tightly at the base of his dick, delaying himself. “You’re so good baby.” Tyler moaned down the phone at Josh’s praise and Josh forced himself to let go of his dick. He wasn’t going to last, he felt like a horny teenager again. “Get you all wet with my spit-” Tyler groaned “so you can fuck me real good…” Tyler was definately close, Josh could hear it.

“I’ll fuck you so good.” Josh took hold of himself again, letting out a needy whine. “I’ll be on my knees for you Josh, all yours.” Tyler was completely breathless. “Stop.” Josh snapped. “Stop touching yourself.” Josh heard a low groan followed by Tyler’s heavy breathing, stillness. “I want you to finger yourself.” Josh told him, letting go of himself.

There were the sounds of Tyler shuffling around before a small “okay.”
“Get your fingers wet.” Josh instructed before hearing Tyler suck on his fingers, wet and loud for Josh. Josh licked his lips. “Nice and slow-” Tyler whined and Josh listened intently for any other sounds. “Two fingers-” Tyler gritted out, between low pants of breath. “So tight…”
“Does it feel good?” Josh breathed, itching to touch himself.

“Y-yeah…” Tyler hummed before carrying on. “Wish it was you. Want you to fuck…ah… fuck me.” Josh slowly stroked himself, listening to Tyler’s heavy breaths, picturing him fingering himself, on his knees, legs spread wide. “Faster.” Josh heard Tyler’s breath hitch. “So good.” Tyler’s voice was high, his breathing fast, as he worked himself faster. Josh stroked himself faster too, thinking about fucking himself into Tyler. “You’re so good baby.” Josh groaned, his hips bucking into his fist.

“Fuck, Josh, fuck.” Tyler cried. Josh closed his eyes again, gripping himself harder. Tyler let out a long cry, his voice cracking as he came. Josh bit his lip as he listened to Tyler’s small grunts, his breathing heavy and steady. “Come on Josh.” Tyler breathed, sounding completely wrecked. “Come for me baby.” And with that, Josh was coming, Tyler’s name slipping from his lips, his hips bucking wildly, his chest sticky.

Josh let go of himself, humming in content. “We’re sharing next time.” Tyler said, making Josh smile. “Or you could just come over tonight?” Josh suggested, running his fingers over his chest. “My room isn’t far…” Josh said as he wiped his hand on the t-shirt that was laying on the floor next to his bed. Josh heard Tyler shuffling around “I’ll be right over. Unlock the door.”

Safe Vore Prompts/Starters

-{ “Relax… Please relax…”

-{ “Let me hear your voice so I can know you’re alright…”

-{ “How much longer until you can spit me out, again?”

-{ “It means a lot to me that you’re willing to go through with this…”

-{ “Hey- stop that! It tickles!”

-{ “Er… How do I taste, exactly?”

-{ “I’m impressed you went that far to protect me…”

-{ “That was… Something…”

-{ “Comfortable in there?”

-{ “Just tell me when you want out.”

-{ “You’re so cute when you get all snuggled up in there…”

-{ “Do you need anything?”

-{ “You’re not really… Gonna hurt me, right?”

-{ “So, uh… You’re saying I’ll be alright in there?”

-{ “It’s surprisingly comfortable in here.”

-{ “Just hush, and make yourself comfortable. It’ll be alright.”

-{ “I swear to god you’re going to be fine- you’ve just gotta trust me.”

-{ “I’m fine just staying in your mouth for a little while, actually.”

-{ “I know this is out of nowhere, but… The insides of your cheeks are pretty comfy.”

-{ “What’s this like from your perspective?”

-{ “It’s… So soft and warm…”

-{ “Now what are you drooling over?”

-{ “Hey! Just because it’s safe doesn’t mean you can just swallow me up out of the blue!”

-{ “A little warning would be nice…”

-{ “Would you be okay with…? So you can be somewhere soft until I can find something… Digestible?”

-{ “I could probably take care of that hungry ache in your belly, long as you promise not to digest.”

-{ “Could we… Do this again sometime?”

Mirrors (M)

Originally posted by hoesoks

A/N: This is 100% pure, shameless, filth. I’m not even sorry about this, because it was fun as hell to write. Hoseok is a weakness and I’m proud of it.

Words: 3k.

Warnings: Rough smut, dirty talk, slight dominant themes, swearing.

With your hand clasped tightly around the brown paper bag, you walk through the sliding doors and into the BigHit building. Nodding politely at the guard at the desk, you flash your visitor’s badge and make your way to the elevator’s. With your back pressed to the railing perched on the wall, you hum quietly to yourself as you wait for it to reach the floor you need. It was late, almost one in the morning, and you knew that your boyfriend hadn’t eaten anything since earlier in the day, so you opted to pack him a few things to nibble on, worried that he’s overworking himself. Once the elevator reaches it’s destination, you quickly step out and walk to the last door on the right. Peering through the tiny window, you spot Hoseok sweeping across the floor, music vibrating from inside.

He had been working hard recently, trying to come up with a new choreography that was just right. He was rarely home, the dancer seemingly pushing himself further and further just so he can come up with something so precise and damn near perfect. He was stressed, you knew that all too well, and you were here to – hopefully – help take some of that stress away.

Keep reading

2

Glowing Night On The Ceiling

“Apologies,” Davis said, looking down at the unsightly stain on his shirt, wincing slightly at the smell it was currently emitting. “My son seems incapable of distinguishing me from a receptacle for human waste… “