so why am i not asleep

Why can’t I draw this fucker ugly and gross just as he should be?
whatever.
I’m in so bad condition… my Villainous addiction is growing… I may even assume that BH (andFluglol) became some sort of my muse… seriously…helpme it’s 4:20AM HERE WHY AM I NOT ASLEEP?!///

Writers

Writer says: So I had this crazy idea one day and I just had to work on it. Here ya go!

Writer means: So I had this crazy idea either right before getting in the shower or right before falling asleep so I grabbed my fucking laptop and shat all over it to create the steaming pile of crap that I now lay before you. I don’t even know if it’s good anymore. I haven’t slept in two days.

Writer says: Wow, real life’s getting busy! Sorry on the slow updates.

Writer means: My life is a literal storm of shit at the moment. Why did I decide to do this. Why am I still doing this. Everything around me is spinning out of control and I am staying up ‘til 5:30 in the morning every night to create a piece of work that will only get two comments and 12 demands for quicker updates. I hope no one’s mad at me, all I wanted to do was write.

Writer says: Wow! Would you look at that! I updated on time! Please enjoy!

Writer means:  WOOOOOOHOOOOOO BITCHES LOOK AT THIS PRODUCTIVE ASSHOLE GO YEEEEEHAAAAWWWW TAKE THAT YOU NASTY REVIEWERS ALWAYS DEMANDING ME TO BE FASTER! I GOT THIS SHIT I GOT THIS SHIT

Writer says: This chapter was a toughie. Glad it’s finally done!

Writer means: I don’t know if this is good or not. I honestly don’t fucking know. I’ve read the same words over and over and over again and I just couldn’t look at it anymore. My beta said it was ok but I’m not confident but HOLY SHIT I JUST NEED TO STOP WRITING THIS FUCKIGN CHAPTER.

Writer says: Thanks for reading!

Writer means: Please, oh please oh please oh please leave me a review. A comment. Anything. Please tell me you’re out there. Please tell me someone is reading this.

Writer says: I just want to say that real life is getting pretty hectic right now. Please try to be patient with me, I know you guys want updates. Thanks! :)

Writer means: FUCK. YOU. Who the fuck do you think you are, demanding shit from me?! You don’t know my life! I have a very busy life! I create shit for free, you entitled son of a pig-fucker! STOP LEAVING ME COMMENTS TELLING ME TO UPDATE SOON OR I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL PUKE ALL OVER MY COMPUTER 

Writer says: What’s gonna happen next? Who knows? Hee hee ;)

Writer means: I have no fucking clue what the next chapter is going to look like. What’s my plot? I don’t know. I feel no emotion.

Writer says: Please leave a comment! It helps me write!

Writer means: I am begging you to leave me a comment because I swear it’s the only thing that’s keeping me motivated right now, I hate the work I put out and I need reassurance that people are actually enjoying this.

Writer says: I hope you enjoyed that chapter, big things are coming up! ;)

Writer means: Buckle up bitches, someone’s gonna die.

Writer says: I know I’ve missed a few updates, but I swear I plan on finishing this story! 

Writer means: *high pitched eternal screeching*

Writer says: Here we are at long last! This has been one wild ride. I want to thank you all so much for your support and love, I adore each and every one of you. I am so happy to say that this story has come to a wonderful close.

Writer means: My body is numb. Voices call out to me from the void, but I can no longer hear them over the beating of my racing heart. I am stressed to the point where I feel no relief. The story is done. It’s fucking DONE. I loved it, I hated it, it was a fucking storm of horror and pain. I can no longer see color. Now I can at last relax and…wait……wait a second………..holy shit I just thought of the best idea for a one-shot that’s totally gonna turn into a 50 chapter slow burn AU fic leT’S FUCKING DO THIS

Quotes from celebrities with your moon sign

Aries: Salvador Dalí: “Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.”

Taurus: Mother Teresa: “Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

Gemini: Sigmund Freud: "Words have a magical power. They can bring either the greatest happiness or deepest despair; they can transfer knowledge from teacher to student; words enable the orator to sway his audience and dictate its decisions.”

Cancer: Isaac Newton: "To myself I am only a child playing on the beach, while vast oceans of truth lie undiscovered before me.”

Leo: Mahatma Gandhi: "I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”

Virgo: Stephen Hawking: "One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist…Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.”

Libra: William Shakespeare: "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Scorpio: Nelson Mandela: "I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.”

Sagittarius: Albert Einstein: "The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

Capricorn: Ernest Hemingway: "The first and final thing you have to do in this world is to last it and not be smashed by it.”

Aquarius: Voltaire: "The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.”

Pisces: Leonardo DaVinci: "Why does the eye see more clearly when asleep than the imagination when awake?”

But I don’t want small talk. Text me, and without saying hello, tell me why you got so angry at your neighbor this morning. Tell me why you have a scar shaped like the letter S on your palm. Send me paragraphs about the time you spent at your grandmother’s house that one summer. Call me when I’m half asleep and tell me why you fear owls . Tell me about the first time you saw your dad cry. Tell me about your friends’ childhood funny stories, tell me about the little girl who used to annoy you when you were kids. Text me at 4 AM to tell me about the dream that woke you up , come at my door to show me your writings . Talk to me about your wildest dreams that you feel embarrassed to share with anyone Go on for hours about things that may not seem important because I promise that I’ll be hanging on to every word you say. Tell me everything. I don’t want someone who just talks about the weather.
—  warmsnow07 
BED SHARING AUS

-I have constant nightmares and I’ve always had someone to cuddle with. Now, I realize we’re not on that level but you’re only one here and I’m really scared to go to sleep.

-You’re severely depressed these days and I’m too scared to leave you alone so yes this is the only solution please accept my hugs

-The heater broke and I’m freezing get over here

-Hey dude I read that cuddling helps you sleep better, you wanna try it out?

-The Classic™: The hotel only has a king sized bed, I guess we’re sharing.

-We fell asleep on the couch together on accident, how did my hand end up in your hair? Were you breathing on my neck?! (Why did I get tingly???????)

-You’re staying over, take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch, yes i am yes i am yes i am yes i am no you’re not yes i am FINE WE’LL BOTH TAKE THE BED, happy!!??

-We’ve had this tradition as besties to have a sleepover once a year but this year….it feels different…were your pajamas always this cute??…did I always have butterflies???

RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS

Following my AUs and Prompts List from a few months back, here is a compilation of my favorite sentence starters for all your writing needs.

Because most of them aren’t mine, credits are at the end.

SHORT

“Marry me.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“You are not going without me.”

“I can’t believe you!”

“I swear it won’t happen again.”

“What did you say?”

“I’m not jealous.”

"You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Are you sure this is legal?”

“Isn’t this amazing?”

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“Stay the night. Please.”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“Run away with me.”

“You did WHAT?”

“Quit whining.”

“Get outta my sight!”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

"Never in a million years.”

“Don’t ask me that…”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“What’s with the box?”

“W- What are you doing?”

“Say it!”

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Are you done with that?”

“What’s going on here?”

“Stop pinning this on me! You started it!”

“It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”

“Did you do this on purpose?!”

“Kiss me.”

“Are you still awake..?”

“Excuse you?”

“This is all your fault!”

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

“Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”

“I shouldn’t be in love with you!”

“It’s not fair!”

“I could kill you right now!”

“Knock it off!”

“Screw you!”

“You’re a complete moron!”

“I love this song!”

“I can’t be in love with you!”

“Make me.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are infuriating!”

“Just shut up already.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Bite me.”

“Eat me.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“Just admit I’m right.”

“Just admit you’re wrong.”

“You are being ridiculous!”

“That’s irrational.”

“Listen to me!”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“That’s it. End of discussion.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

“How dare you?”

“I dare you!” 

“It’s you, it’s always been you.” 

“Well this is awkward…”

“Just pretend to be my date”.  

MISCELLANEOUS

“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.”

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”

“I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist.”

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”

“Did you really just insult Captain America in front of me?”

“Can I touch your boob?”

“It’s not that you’re wrong, exactly, you’re just extremely not right.”

“You shouldn’t be trusted with small children, should you?”

“Give me cake or give me death.”

“On a scale from, ’I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying’ to ’I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst’, how much of an adult are you?”

“You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

“Despite the cliche, it’s not me, it’s you.”

“Obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t.”

“No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.”

“When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!”

“If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?”

“I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”

“What have I told you about the toilet seat?”

“I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.”

“I vote today to be a pajama day.”

“You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

“I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR.”

“I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.”

“You know we’re suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.”

“Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

“I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!”

“This would not happen if I had a penis!”

“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

“All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”

“I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”

“To the night you’ll never remember!”

“Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?”

“Could I sit here? All the other tables are full.”

“Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I’m that person.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.”

“I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”

“You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!”

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.“

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“I could do that, but could doesn’t mean would.”

“You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don’t give.”

“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”

"I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”

“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”

“Look out where you’re going, asshole!”

“Fuck the sandwich guy!”

“I did not mean for stripping to come out of this.”

“The whole street is blocked off. The police won’t tell us anything, but I think there’s been some kind of attack… Maybe a bomb?”

“Oh my god, are you okay? I’m calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.”

“I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.”

“There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.”

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”  

“There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.”

“It’s midnight, what do you want?”

“I think I know how to use a bed.”

“If I wake up in the morning and I’m dead… Wait.”

“You are completely unfit to handle a child.”

“We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.”

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”

“When in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.”

“It’s not a double date, we’re just third and forth wheeling.”

PREGNANCY

“I have something to tell you…”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant!”

“When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”

“You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”

“$50 bucks says it’s a girl/boy.”

“Pregnancy suits you…”

“Hello little one. We can’t wait to meet you…”

“I’ll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!”

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet…”

“Shh… He/she’s sleeping..”

“I have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.”

“No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!”

“Oh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!”

FLUFF

“Your hair is so soft…”

“You’re so cute when you pout like that!”

“Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“What, does that feel good?”

“HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“You are ridiculously comfortable…”

“I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with…”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“We should get a puppy!”

STARGAZING

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Shooting star, make a wish.”

“It’s actually a comet, but I’ll still make one.”

“Imagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.”

“Never thought something so beautiful could exist in nature…”

“Wouldn’t it be cool to name a star after yourself?”

“Y'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.”

“This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?”

“Is that a– Wait, no, just an airplane.”

“I wouldn’t mind falling asleep out here.

FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL

“Did you just… finish?”

“They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.”

“I’m not actually feeling anything.”

“Are you getting any closer?”

“Why do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!”

“Did something just happen? You’re not turned on anymore.”

“Shit sorry, am I going too fast?”

“Wow, you’re hot.”

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Hey, I’m open minded.”

“Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.”

“I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?”

“I see someone’s happy to see me.”

“I saw that. You just checked me out.”

“You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Tell all those other guys/girls you don’t need them ‘cause you got me.”

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

“Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”

“If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”

“Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.”

“I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

TEXTS

[text]: What do you want now?

[text]: Do you want to bet on that?

[text]: Guess who just got back in town.

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now…

[text]: We can’t keep doing this anymore!

[text]: Come on, come to the party!

[text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive.

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

[text]: I call bullshit.

[text]: You thought you could get away with that, didn’t you?

[text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don’t say I never did anything for our friendship.

[text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.

[text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.

[text] Who says no to sex and donuts?!

[text] I know what you did last summer…

Sources: x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

There are roses on Derek’s doorstep.

No note. No scent trail. After determining that there is nothing inherently magical or deadly about them, he spends the entire rest of the day researching symbolism and archaic demon customs, trying to figure out what kind of death threat he’s just been handed.

It doesn’t occur to him until nightfall, when the neighbors start discussing their romantic dinner plans at a decibel he has trouble tuning out, that he realizes the flowers might not have been delivered with malicious intent.

Because, apparently, today is Valentine’s Day. And apparently someone decided that Derek should receive flowers to celebrate the occasion.

Derek Hale has a secret admirer.

He honestly would have preferred the death threat.

Keep reading

Illness/Sickness Sentence Starters
  • “Are you okay?”
  • “You are looking rather peaky there.”
  • “Was that you or did a goose with bronchitis flew in here?”
  • “You’re not looking too hot.”
  • “Woah! You almost fell over!”
  • “I think that has to be a record sneeze sequence.” 
  • “Are… are you allergic?”
  • “Are you sick or hungover? Your eyes are a little red.” 
  • “You’re very flushed- are you feeling well?” 
  • “You’ve been asleep for the past twelve hours and I got a little worried.” 
  • “You okay in there?”
  • “Uh, there’s a bucket to your left if you need it.” 
  • “I brought you some ginger ale and some soup!” 
  • “Here, I brought you another blanket.” 
  • “I’m not feeling all that great.”
  • “Why is the room spinning?”
  • “Are you cold or is it just me?”
  • “I think dinner’s not agreeing with me…”
  • “My head hurts.” 
  • “I can’t breathe.” 
  • “I am so clogged up I think I need a plunger to clear me out.” 
  • “Can you bring me another blanket please?”
  • “We’re out of tissues…”
  • “What kind of tea is it to help again?” 
  • “I think my head’s going to explode.”

anonymous asked:

The "I'm a narcissist so I'm gonna need a bit more than that" in bed. Oh my god when you moan and he just thrusts even harder, because "louder, love"

The house is silent and everyone is fast asleep in the rooms down the hall. It’s a chilly night but, right here, under the sheets your share with Harry, it’s like a heatwave.

You’re both naked, his sweaty chest pressing to yours in an almost suffocating way, but you welcome the weight and warmth of his body as if it was winter and you were freezing cold.

Your thighs are sore from how he’s got them spread open as wide as he could get you, just so he could press his pelvis to yours and bury his cock as deep as it can go inside your dripping wet walls. Although your legs are spread, your core hugs him tightly and you pulse around him, burning hot and soaked, every contraction of your walls sending shudders down his back when he pulls back and pushes in deep once again.

“Fuckin’ soaked, aren’t yeh?” He huffs, eyes searching for your when his cock is buried deep inside you and he’s grinding slowly, his pelvis pressing tightly against your clit. 

He can see and feel the results of his movements on you - your cheeks are flushed and your eyes are shining with tears and your teeth are sinking into your bottom lip almost as hard as your nails are digging into the skin of his back, but he doesn’t hear you. You’ve been quiet, only letting out small little puffs of breath and low moans, peppered in with some sharp inhales when you’re trying to hold back a moan.

He knows you - knows your body and knows that, with the way he’s fucking you, his neighbors would be hearing it by now. But still, you’re deadly quiet and he knows why (his family is right down the corridor) but he’s not having it, not tonight.

“So quiet, love.” Harry mumbles, one hand reaching up to pull on your chin, releasing your bottom lip from the strangle hold of your teeth. “Thought yeh were proud o’ me, thought yeh wanted t’ show me…”

He knows it’s evil, talking to you like that and he knows he’s really not supposed to be making your scream, not with the risk of people hearing it but he needs it. 

After his first concert as a solo artist, the adrenaline had been pumping through his veins and he hadn’t managed to figure out just why he couldn’t simmer down. The second he heard you whisper in his ear about how proud he made you tonight, he knew the only way of releasing all of that pent up energy was getting you in his bed. He needed to lose himself in you, he needed to feel you around him and to hear you chanting his name, much like the crowd in his concert, but with a whole different meaning to it. And here you were, as silent as a cat skulking in darkness, looking as fucked out as he wanted you to be but sounding almost as if you were asleep.

“I w-want t- I am! I’m proud!” You say breathlessly, fighting against the tightness in your throat that wanted to force your voice to go higher and louder. “I jus-”

“Am I not doing you good, love? ‘S this not what yeh want?” Harry asks, pulling back and rolling forward, making your eyes roll and your back arch. “‘S that why you’re so quiet?”

“Harry” You breathe out, eyes shining when you look up at him. Your hands reach up to push his sweaty hair back from his forehead and your nails drag across his naked chest, his hips snapping in reaction, the tip of his cock hitting a spot inside of your that makes your grunt. “Y-your family, th- they’re right outside.”

“They’re not gonna hear yeh, not now. Everyone’s asleep, love..” He tells you, leaning down to press his lips to yours. “C’mon, let me hear you, y’know how much I love it…”

It’s then his hands reaches down between the two of your, his fingertips pressing to your clit with precision, circling ligtly but with enough pressure to make your core pulse and your hips snap up to meet his thrusts. A moan escapes you, louder this time and a whine follows it when you feel him nipping at your neck, your breathing getting harsher by the second.

“Y’know I’m gonna need more than that, angel.” Harry taunts, his harsh breath hitting your cheek as he whispers in your ears, punctuating every word with a hard, deep reaching and precise thrust, stroking your walls just the way you like it. “Louder. C’mon angel, bit louder fo’ me.”

You Meme A Lot To Me

Clint has created a chatroom.

Clint has invited Y/N, Natasha.

Clint: every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break

Natasha: clint, it’s 2 am.

Clint: every step you take

Clint: I’ll be watching you. happy valentine’s day. my gifts will be delivering later on pls do not trash them

Natasha: is that coulson’s song?

Y/N: this explains why my room is flooded with gifts from the others

Natasha: why must tony give us all cardboard cutouts of him every year?

Pietro has joined the chat.

Pietro: couldn’t u choose a better song old man? this is why u have no valentine. even ur wife said no.

Clint: did i invite u? no.

Pietro: today is a day of love so don’t be salty

Clint: Na.

Clint: hahaha get it

Pietro: no

Clint: ofc you wouldn’t

Keep reading

onew in college
  • major in international business 
  • is he a freshman?? a senior??? who knows 
  • he’s that guy. you know the one. 
  • the one who’s ALWAYS in shorts even in the winter 
  • he just adds a huge puffy coat and still….. wears shorts (key: it’s -5°C out pls cover your legs i am freezing just looking at you / onew: my leg hair keeps me warm and also it wouldn’t be right to deprive the world of my calves) 
  • but will occasionally trade his shorts for sweatpants to keep people on their toes (jongkey2min: omg who are you) 
  • perpetual bedhead 
  • but dude when he has a presentation he can clean up
  • walks into class in his suit, belt matching his shoes (duh) and he just has this commanding presence?? like he KNOWS what he’s talking about and people listen 
  • has lucky underwear that he always wears on these days 
  • they’re lime green and have pineapples with sunglasses all over them (a gag gift from jong who never intended them to actually be worn) 
  • once taemin followed him into class when he had a presentation (onew: for support he said) and sat in the back with a huge grin and gave him a thumbs up and when onew opened his slideshow his font was comic sans and he had to present with a straight face like he wasn’t going to murder tae afterwards the lil shit (taemin: YOU DID FINE IT WAS FINE IF I SWIPE YOU INTO THE DINING HALL WILL YOU STOP CHASING ME) 
  • always has a handle of vodka rolling around in one of his drawers for the hard days you know?? 
  • after a party minho crashed at onew’s place and he was hungover af and there had a mug out on the desk and minho thought it was water until he caught a whiff and his head was back in the trashcan he lived in last night (minho: hyung WHY / onew: *takes a sip* hair of the dog) 
  • you cannot fathom how many alarms he has in order to go to his morning classes 
  • he has SO many and he is the master of snoozing all of them but still manages to get to class on time???
  • had one 8:30 for a mandatory class and every morning he had it he half-asleep calculated how many times he could skip and still pass 
  • procrastinates by stressmaking food (minho: don’t you have a huge test tomorrow / onew: *furiously making guac at 12am* I AM FREAKING OUT / taemin: i have chips) 
  • he could drop out at anytime and just do a mukbang show, he could. it’s totally doable, he mutters to himself while continuing to study hard 
  • nap king
  • v hard to see him on campus bc he just go straight to his dorm 
  • will occasionally wake up from (various) naps to jonghyun pounding at his door so that they could go to work (jong: HYUNG I CALLED YOU THREE TIMES AND YOU KEEP HANGING UP ON ME LET’S GO) 
  • honestly if he didn’t have to pay for ridiculously overpaid textbooks that the profs wrote themselves and then assigned for class!!!! he would not work at the school cafe (jong: but you like the “free” muffins / onew: shhhhh we don’t know what happens to the occasional disappearing muffin) 
  • studies at the library (”this is my home and dungeon”) and during exam times he takes up an entire table with spreadsheets and notes bc once his laptop died on him and deleted his work in progress and he’s a lil traumatized and prints everything out 
  • he carries most of his books in his arms bc his backpack is for snacks, it’s his snackpack ayyyyy (key: *zips open his bag* why is there just granola bars in here / onew: *struggling to hold all of his books* bc clearly my priorities are in order) 

jack l. zimmermann birthday hcs!!!!! i love that old man!!!!!! 

  • when he’s little he always has carrot cake w cream cheese frosting and rainbow sprinkles for breakfast on his birthday and its so WILD! cake for breakfast!!
  • after he stops going home for the summer it kinda just stops but then maybe like 2 yrs after samwell alicia mentions it in passing and bitty’s like “what? the HELL why haven’t i heard abt this!!” and the tradition lives on (now w/ homemade eric bittle carrot cake) 
  • one yr his grandma gives him a moose stuffed animal for his birthday he names her maple and she has multiple zimmermann jerseys and he loves her 
  • another yr he has a pony at his birthday party and its LIT I’m js jack loves that pony there r so many pictures on the internet of newly 7 yr old jack smiling so big w a few baby teeth missing, wearing a birthday hat that matches the horse’s. the smh team has a framed copy in the living room of the haus  
  • lardo paints him something for his birthday every yr and at some point a lil later in life she’s a successful artist and w/ shitty and she’s got $$$ so she buys jack something for the first time and he’s like “? what is this” and she’s like “well i can actually afford to buy u a real present now so…” and he’s like “… what do u mean real present? where’s my painting?” she hugs him So Hard he doesn’t understand why but he goes along w/ it 
  • u know that episode of parks where leslie pretends 2 be planning this wild party 4 ron but rly it’s all a prank and she’s just putting a quiet room aside for him 2 eat steak and watch a movie ? ransom and holster totally do that 2 jack and in the room is like 5 and a half hours of nhl highlights, chicken tenders, a maple apple pie, and a protein shake
  • one time bob makes jack’s birthday cake w bitty and it’s such a MESS but jack’s still emo abt it tbh bc they’re both just so happy and covered in flour and bob tried So Hard ok 
  • anyways not 2 be #gay but like.,,,every year after they get together bitty kisses jack awake + asleep on his birthday w/ one kiss for every year he’s been alive. and jack doesn’t rly question it at first bc he’s 2 distracted by the love but the night of the first birthday together jack’s like “why r u being So Deliberate w counting these kisses??” and bitty stops and looks at him and is like “honestly….i just want u 2 know how proud i am of u for making it through every one of these years”
  • and honestly like every birthday jack always kind of has a Moment where he looks around at his friends and his boyfriend and his family and all the pie and the pony wearing a hat that ransom and holster definitely got for the party and he can’t help but feel this unreal feeling of like I’m Here and I’m Alive and I’ve Made it Through Another Year and he’s just…rly happy ok 
  • p.s. basically every yr on his birthday jack rolls out of bed and cracks his joints and bitty texts the group chat abt it and they chirp him about it…,,,so much and jack’s just like “ha these kids” like the loser old man he is 
Stress Reliever-Ashton Irwin Smut

Could you do an Ashton smut where you baby sit his kids because he’s so stressed? Business man and wife left him. So of course he needs a stress reliever. And that’s (y/n). She’s a bad bitch😉👏🏻

Hey I’m so sorry this has taken me months to write. I’ve been super busy with school and I’ve honestly also been procrastinating. I hope this is what you were looking for and thanks so much for being my first request.

And please remember that I am open for requests if you have any, just don’t expect them to come out right away.


You couldn’t resist the adorable five year old child in front of you. The way her small lips would turn into a pout and her head would tilt slightly to the left made it practically impossible to say no to another serving of ice cream. You were weak, and she knew it too.

She clapped her hands and beamed up at you. Despite the pit in your stomach telling you not to give the adorable devil another serving, you reluctantly handed her another bowl, slightly smaller than the last, filled with chocolate ice cream.

As she scarfed down her second dessert, you checked your phone to see if her father, Ashton had texted you. You had immediately volunteered to babysit his daughter after his job started picking up it’s pace.

He was childhood friends with your older brother so when he complained to your brother about needing a part-time nanny, you actually raised your hand like a school girl. Not only did you love spending time with Ellie, you also needed money for food, being a junior in college.

Although Ashton had a beautiful child and a decent job, you always felt bad for him because he had to grow up faster than anyone you knew. Getting a girl pregnant at age eighteen takes a toll on people. Especially when the girl you impregnate leaves you with a two week year-old baby because she “couldn’t handle being responsible for another human being.”

“I’m tired,” Ellie whined, reaching her hands up to rub her eyes. You quickly snapped out of your daze and picked her up.

“Bed time story?” you asked the sleepy toddler. She nodded quickly which made you smile at her eagerness.

Just as her eyes closed you let out a sigh and had just started cleaning up the mess she had made the past few hours when you heard the front door close from within the apartment.

You walked out into the living room to see Ashton looking down at the bills strewn across the kitchen table. “Hey Ash, I just put her to bed.”

A light smile grazed his lips. “Thanks, (Y/n).”

With the small smile on his face you recalled just how attractive he was. His sandy brown hair was long, but still a reasonable length and his light green eyes were always warm. You hadn’t told anyone this, except for your best friend back in high school, but you had always found him attractive.

“Do you want to stay and watch a bit of TV for a little but because I technically said I wouldn’t be home for another thirty minutes. O-or if you have to go that’s fine too,” his face grew slightly red.

You laughed, “Yeah sure. How was work?” you asked, moving to sit crisscross on his couch. 

He sat down close to you and sighed, “Actually insane. I feel like I’m in high school all over again. Whatever papers that they give me to complete, they just seem to go unused. It’s like the busy work Mr. Greene would give us. Did you have Mr. Greene?”

You nodded as he grabbed the remote for the television. “Of course. I don’t remember anything from his class because his voice would just put me to sleep,” you both laughed.

“Exactly. That’s like every meeting that I am forced to go to. My boss is practically Mr. Greene and I can never focus because his voice makes me want to fall asleep.”

Deciding to be bold, you placed your hand on his knee and rubbed it soothingly, “Why don’t you just quit? You’re obviously not enjoying it.”

He didn’t seem fazed so you moved your hand up a little further, “Because I need the money. It’s the best job that offers no college experience required.”

Your hand was now slowly caressing his mid-thigh over the pants to his suit. “W-what are you doing?” he asked suddenly, looking down at your hand.

You shrugged and brought your hand up a little higher, “You just seem so stressed and I thought I could maybe help you a little.”

His breath got caught in his throat, “Y-yeah?”

Slowly nodding, you brought you hand on his quickly growing bulge. “Yeah.”

With just the slightest of touches, he quickly inhaled and closed his eyes.

Because he wasn’t denying you, you applied pressure to the tent in his pants which made him groan. 

Slowly, you reached for his zipper and tugged it down achingly slow. “Is this okay?” you asked.

“Yes, fuck, yeah,” he whimpered when you palmed him over his boxers.

A small smile stretched across your face as you crawled off of the couch and lowered yourself between his legs.

He visibly gulped, “W-what about your brother?”

While you pulled down his boxers you kept eye contact with him and shrugged, “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

When his almost fully-erect member was released from its confines, he let out a long breath of air. Without hesitation, you gripped him and slowly tugged upward until he was a moaning mess. “I should come home stressed more often,” he laughed, shakily.

You bit your lip and looked back up at him to see he was staring down at you with hooded eyes. Boldly, you licked a long stripe up the underside of his cock which caused his eyes to roll back. “Oh shit. Baby, your tongue feels so good,” he whimpered.

Just the sight of him, hair matted, crisp, white shirt with only a few buttons still buttoned, made you wet.

You latched your lips around his tip and wasted no time before sinking your head all the way down his length. He wasn’t the longest you had ever had, but he was definitely the thickest.

His mouth widened considerably at the sight of his member down your throat. “You’re so hot when you suck my cock.”

You moaned at his words, the awkward Ashton now completely gone. The vibrations from your moan caused him to buck his hips. When your throat clenched around him he let out an exasperated grunt.

“I’m so close, fuck!” he moaned when he hit the back of your throat again. “I want to be inside you. Please,” he begged, tugging on your hair to pull you up.

“Are you sure?” you asked, surprised that he wanted more than just a blowjob. He nodded frantically and you stood up and walked towards his room. It took him a second to understand what your were doing, but he was soon on your heels.

Once you and Ashton entered his room, you hastily discarded your shirt and leggings. “Lie down,” you demanded.

He obeyed immediately and climbed onto his bed, only wearing his shirt. Your legs quivered at the sight of his member sticking straight up.

When he noticed you looking, a cocky smile spread across his face. “Enjoying the view?”

You rolled your eyes and tugged down your underwear, “Shut up, Irwin.”

His eyes widened when you moved to straddle him, “What’s wrong? Do you not want to?”

His head shook quickly, “No, I want to. It’s just, I haven’t been intimate with anyone since…” he trailed off.

“Since Ellie came?” He nodded. You leaned down and kissed his lips slowly. “Want me to be slow?”

“Fuck no,” he whined before lining up with your entrance so you could sink down.

Your mouth widened at his width. “Ash,” you moaned. You felt him sit up and lean against the bed frame.

“You feel so good, (Y/n),” he whispered, moving his hands to unbuckle your bra. He hummed when your boobs spilled out of their confines.

Slowly, you raised from his shaft and then quickly sunk back down. “Oh my god,” Ashton whimpered.

You started to grind on his cock, earning more moans from the two of you combined until he forcefully gripped your hips and continuously pulled you down on him.

“Ashton!” you yelled, forgetting about the five year-old not too far away.

He could hardly form a coherent sentence and mostly released loud moans and groans of pleasure.

“You’re so thick, Ash.”

He hummed at the feeling of your chests pressed together. “You’re so fucking tight, Jesus.”

“Are you close?” he asked, bringing a hand down to rub figure eights against your clit.

You clenched around him and nodded, “Yes.”

“I could fuck you all day,” he said, bringing his other hand to slap your ass.

Your mouth dropped as that sent you over the edge. You screamed his name repeatedly as the knot inside your stomach burst.

He continued to move your hips until he came in four, hot spurts.

When you had both settled down, he stopped your motion and rested his head in the crook of your neck, placing a few kisses in his wake.

“What does this mean?” you asked him, feeling a little guilty for fucking up your friendship because you knew that after the sex you had just had, you wouldn’t want to remain just friends.

He moved his head to look you in the eyes, “What do you want this to mean?” he asked.

You thought for a minute before responding, “I want this to not be a one-time thing.”

He smiled, “Thank god, I was hoping you’d say that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I just don’t know what to tell your brother when he comes over in a couple minutes to see his baby sister naked, and still on my cock.”


Would ya’ll possibly want a part two or nah?

Best of Lucho
  1. On his qualities as a coach: “Well, I’m handsome, tall, friendly, Asturian…”
  2. On his preferred result for the Madrid derby: “I’d like both teams to lose the Madrid derby.”
  3. On his transfer from Real Madrid to Barcelona: “It wasn’t [hard to leave], it was easy.”
  4. On the infamous Figo pig’s head incident: “It was strange that they only threw the pig’s head; I thought they might throw the whole pig!”
  5. On his crazy celebration after scoring at the Bernabeu: “I do not care what these people think. I am proud to wear the shirt of Barcelona and score a goal in the Bernabeu.”
  6. On the possibility of a comeback against PSG: “If they scored four in Paris, we can score six.”
  7. On fans chanting his name at the Camp Nou: “They are always the same 100-150 people who are doing that, I’ve paid them…”
  8. On Jordi Alba’s red card: “The player has explained to me that he said ‘always to me’ and that, unless it is the name of a horror movie, is not a reason to send someone off.”
  9. On Real Madrid president Lorenzo Sanz’s criticism of his celebration at the Bernabeu: “If he wants then I can cry.”
  10. On seeing himself in white: “I see myself in pictures and TV wearing the Madrid shirt in the past and I feel strange. I think the scarlet and blue shirt suits me better.”
  11. On criticism: “I never read criticism on me. My doctor told me not to do so.”
  12. On Messi comparisons: “He’s just different. It’s ridiculous that they’re comparing awards, golden melons, whatever it is that they want to compare.”
  13. On Santos asking for Neymar to be banned for 6 months: “As asking is free, they better ask for 6 years…”
  14. On training with GPS vests: “It’s to make sure we don’t lose anyone.”
  15. On whether he tells Sergi Roberto about his own experiences at right back: “I don’t tell players the stories of grandpa Luis Enrique, they’re outdated.”
  16. On Juve’s rotation before the Champions League match: “I would recommend them to rest [Higuain], Cuadrado, Dybala, Mandzukic (…) all these players against Barcelona. That’s what I would recommend and that way they would be much fresher for their league games. That’s my advice, but I don’t know if they will take it.”
  17. On Messi’s influence: “Messi is decisive even when he is at home eating dinner.”
  18. On whether he plans to watch the Madrid derby: “If I don’t take a nap I’ll watch it.”
  19. On interest in Paco Alcacer: “I don’t normally comment on players that are not here. If I changed that rule I’d have to talk about 543 strikers and 200 more wingers who have been mentioned in the press.”
  20. When a journalist fell asleep at his press conference: “Look, that’s never happened to me before, a guy sleeping in the press conference! It’s the first time (…) How great (…) Damn, I know the press conference of the manager is boring, but this much?”
  21. On why he substituted Messi during the last few minutes of El Clasico: “Because Real Madrid fans paid to see the true legend.”
  22. On his plans for the future: “I am open to any possibility, even changing sports. I could coach in another sport, I’m quite good at other sports.”
  23. On next season: “I’ll sit in my seats at the Camp Nou and support the team.”

for @forestpenguin​ for the prompt: i see you carrying around a bowl of dog food and calling for your dog and, let’s be honest, i definitely think this is trap but on the other hand there is the potential to pet a dog at the end. so i stop to help you and you’re so relieved as we spend the next several hours searching for your dog until we finally give up and i take you home since you’re inconsolable only to find your dog asleep on your fucking porch wtf.

in which Cassian’s adopted ex-racer greyhound, K2-SO is awful, willful, misbehaved, and the light of his life. When K2 goes missing, Cassian frantically searches the neighborhood, his desperate calls awakening Bodhi, his neighbor, who offers to help. Just as Cassian has given up hope and gotten drawn and surly, Bodhi walks him back home - and lo and behold, K2 has been scratching at the front door and nearly knocks Bodhi out bounding into Cassian’s arms.

anonymous asked:

When's the last time you got to snuggle up under a handmade blanket just for you (or handed down)? I will absolutely make you one if you don't have one.

this depends entirely on how you define ‘handmade blanket.’ if you mean like, somebody made a quilt or an afghan or something, probably before the war. most of the blankets we had were handmade by various family members. 

the stark tower stitch&bitch has yet to produce a blanket. i have no idea how, since theres like six of us all knitting and sewing and crocheting, but somehow it just hasn’t happened yet. too busy making hammer cozies and a pompom hat big enough to fit on the hulk.

however, if you define handmade blanket as a blanket somebody made by hand, then just last week i took a post-battle nap under a table at a press conference and clint made me a ‘blanket’ out of stark industries t-shirts.

not sure if that counts or not. 

I feel at home in the coffee shop across the street from school. I feel at home in the mineshaft up the hill. I feel at home at my friend’s houses. I feel at home in the falling snow. I feel at home in the streets of cities I’ve never been to before. I feel at home in most of the world. So why don’t I feel at home lying in my own bed, with my family asleep upstairs? Why don’t I feel at home when I am home?
—  Journal Entry; 12 Oct 2016