so upset by his existence

10

Lee Kiwon (2Y ent) has an amazing talent and a wonderful voice but he is so underrated it makes me upset, people don’t even know his existence there or do not pay attention to him, I worry if he gets eliminated because he is not popular and leave the show without any recognition it will be a big waste please look at this charming boy full of talent stan him listen to his voice…

Requiem

I felt like writing to make up for the fact that I haven’t uploaded in a while and won’t until Wednesday and I’ve been playing with this idea for a while.


Warnings: swears, death, suicide, the Murphys grieving/not grieving over Connor. Kinda ooc Connor?? Idk I cried reading this and also listened to A Little Bit of Light and made references to it in Cynthia’s bit so ahh.

Plot: Connor during Requiem basically.

•••••

(Why should I play this game of pretend?
Remembering through a secondhand sorrow?
Such a great son and wonderful friend
Oh, don’t the tears just pour)


Connor watched as his sister looked down at the letters. He was never good and reading expressions other than anger or hatred, that being the only expression he had ever been met with and one he’d gotten accustom to. Zoe’s face seemed sad, but disgusted in a way. Disgusted at the letter in her hand, similar to how Connor felt since they weren’t his actual words, but different because that’s not why Zoe felt that way about the letters. She read over them and shook her head, seeming sarcastic as she mumbles to herself.
“Wow, he’s such a great son, and obviously a wonderful friend. Well don’t the damn tears just pour at that,” she mumbles, rolling her eyes and tossing the letters down on her bed, sitting down and crossing her legs at the foot of her bed. Connor does the same, sitting at the head of her bed with his legs brought up to his chest, his arms holding them closer to him. The bed didn’t dip when he sat, as he no longer had weight to make it do so.

(I could curl up and hide in my room
There in my bed, still sobbing tomorrow
I could give in to all of the gloom
But tell me, tell me what for)

He heard a sniff and looked up. Was Zoe… crying? Why the fuck would she be crying? She should be happy, celebrating even. She could have a normal life now that her freak of a brother is gone. He stares at her and she shakes her head, mumbling to herself once more as she sniffs and wipes the tear from her cheek.
“No, no, no, I won’t give in, what’s the point in doing that?” She chuckles to herself, but it’s dry. She doesn’t smile like she does when she’s happy and giggling, and Connors surprised to find it breaks his heart to see she isn’t the happy girl she always was.

(Why should I have a heavy heart?
Why should I start to break in pieces?
Why should I go and fall apart for you?)

Connor jumps a bit as Zoe stands up abruptly. She takes the letters from where they lay on her bed and holds them, skimming them as a few more tears fall.
“Fuck you, Connor. Fuck you. Why should I be crying over you? You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve the satisfaction of making me cry. I won’t fall apart for you,” she says, switching between looking up and looking at the letters in her hand. Connor stand slowly, his eyes never leaving his sisters face. He feels oddly calm, and solemn, feeling he’s never felt before. Why would Zoe be so broken over his death?

(Why should I play the grieving girl and lie
Saying that I miss you
And that my world has gone dark without your light?
I will sing no requiem tonight)

“No, I won’t grieve you, Con, why should I? I… I don’t miss you, I won’t lie and say I do,” Connors surprised yet again at his emotions as he chokes on tears he didn’t want to fall. Why was he so hurt that Zoe said she wouldn’t miss him? He focuses on her words rather than how she says them, not noticing her hesitation and stutter as she claims to not miss him, “My life is gonna get better without you here, I-I won’t have to fear for my life anymore,” she walks over to a bookcase, Connor follows, making sure to keep a safe distance, as if she could turn around and tell him to fuck off at any moment. As if she could actually see him. She grabs a picture frame, Connor getting closer to look over her shoulder st the picture. It’s a photo of the two of them, probably at age 7 and 8. Both have gap-toothed grins at the camera, holding baskets of apples. The hand that isn’t occupied by the apple basket is around the other. Connor feels more tears fall. It’s been so long since he’d been in Zoe’s room, he realizes now he didn’t know what it looked like now, and he had no idea she kept this picture of them, or any for the matter. Zoe lets out a sob and hold the frame close to her chest.
“I will sing no requiem for you, Connor, not tonight,” she cries, Connor hesitantly putting a hand on her shoulder. She looks at the shoulder, as if she can feel his presence, before closing her eyes and letting more tears fall.

(I gave you the world, you threw it away
Leaving these broken pieces behind you
Everything wasted, nothing to say
So I can sing no requiem)

Connor was brought to his old room by the familiar sound of his parents fighting. He stiffens and stays a fair distance away as he watches his father sigh and look at the letters in his hand, running the other hand through his hair.
“I gave you everything, Connor, and you went and threw it away,” Connors cold expression hardens. He should’ve expected Larry to be more angry than sad about his death. He studies his father and grows more anger, not noticing the tear that falls down his face, “Not even a goodbye, you left everything broken in your path, Connor. I will sing no requiem for you, Connor, son.” Connor listens to his fathers words. The man he despised for years, who he only referred to as Larry or Asshole, actually referred to his as his son. Connor, for once, feels like he isn’t a total disappointment to his father. He feels a single tear of his own fall down his bony cheek.
“Dad…” he says, knowing Larry can’t hear him.

(I hear your voice, I feel you near
Within these words, I finally find you
And now that I know that you are still here
I will sing no requiem tonight)

Connor wiped his eyes as he followed his mothers footsteps to his parents room. It’s yet another room he hasn’t been in in years, not since he and Zoe would jump into their bed when there was a storm to fear or a holiday to wake them up excitedly for. His mother is holding the letters close to her chest, the tear tracks already fresh as more continue to come. She smiles slightly.
“Oh, Connor, It feels like you’re still here,” she pulls the letter away to look at it yet again, “I can hear you again, I can read this and hear your voice,” she brings them back to her chest and closes her eyes. Another few tears fall and she smiles and continues, “I’ve finally found you, Con, I know who you are now. I wish I could’ve turned that light back on for you, My Spiderman.” Connor chews at the inside of his lip, his eyes tearing up at how happy Cynthia is. She’s hasn’t been this happy for as long as he can remember. A part of him screams that it’s because he’s gone and she won’t have to deal with him anymore, but another part of him tears up as she references the Spider-Man costume he wore every Halloween for three years.

(Why should I have a heavy heart?)

Connor feels tears fall as he sees his family deal with his death. He sees the empty boxes in his old room and how his family can’t bring themselves to pack them up, all for different excuses.

(Why should I say I’ll keep you with me?
Why should I go and fall apart for you?)

They don’t want to miss him, he knows it. He wishes he didn’t treat them like shit, but he couldn’t. Connor always had a hard time describing it, but something had turned off the light inside him one day, and it never quite came back on.

(Why should I play the grieving girl and lie
Saying that I miss you
And that my world has gone dark without your light?
(I can see your light))

He messes with the ends of his hoodies sleeves, ignoring the tears that fall as he sees his sister and father so stubborn to forget Connor and move on. Why was he so emotional about this? They should be happy and moved on from Connors death by now, so why was Connor so upset that they were trying to ignore his existence already?

(I will sing no requiem
Tonight)

‘No,’ Connor tells himself, ‘They won’t miss you, they aren’t upset that you’re dead, you don’t get to cry over them. This is what you wanted. This is what they wanted. This is what everyone wanted… right?’

(‘Cause when the villains fall, the kingdoms never weep
No one lights a candle to remember
No, no one mourns at all
When they lay them down to sleep)

Zoe looks at the letters as hot, angry tears run down her face, “No one mourns the bad guys. Nobody cries when the hero defeats the villain. Why should I be upset that you killed yourself, Connor!? You… you were a bad guy, an asshole. You-you deserved this. I deserve some happiness for once!” Zoe yells at the letters, pausing afterwards as if they’ll reply. She wishes they would reply. Connor wishes he could make them reply.

(So, don’t tell me that I didn’t have it right
Don’t tell me that it wasn’t black and white
After all you put me through
Don’t say it wasn’t true
That you were not the monster
That I knew)

Connor watches as Zoe crumples the letters, throwing them to the other side of the room. They bounce off the light purple wall and land to the ground next to her desk.
“I don’t care anymore, as soon as I leave the house I’m gonna get a hundred people giving me their condolences for someone I don’t miss,” she sniffs again, Connor wishing she wouldn’t cry as he wipes a tear from his cheek, “Nobody, not Evan, not mom, nobody can tell me you weren’t the monster that I knew,” Zoe mumbles as she crumples to the ground. She looks up at the crumpled letters, horrified at what she’s done to them, and immediately picks them up and tries to smooth them out. She holds them to her chests and looks down, closing her eyes, finally giving in and letting the tears fall freely.

('Cause I cannot play the grieving girl and lie
Saying that I miss you
And that my world has gone dark)

“I-I’m sorry, Con, I can’t do it. I can’t miss you, it’s too hard. I can’t see enough in my darkened world to play the grieving girl.” Connor sits next to her tentatively, not sure what to do as he hasn’t been this close to, physically and emotionally, or seen his sister cry since they were children.

(I will sing no requiem)

Connor thinks of his mom, and the happiness she felt as she finally gets to know her son, even though it’s too late now. He blinks away the tears in his eyes, feeling them rush down his cheeks.

(I will sing no requiem)

Connor thinks of his father, how he wishes he could have at least gotten a goodbye, or anything out of Connor. He hates himself for crying over his dad. He’s hated his dad for as long as he can remember. Why now was he feeling guilt for his father, who had been nothing but horrible to him? Did he really try to be a dad to him? Connor shakes his head and looks back at Zoe sitting next to him, her shoulder shaking as she sobs.

(I will sing no requiem tonight)

“I miss you, Con,” she whispers, Connors eyes finally allowing the tears to really spill as he frantically tries to wipe them away. He fails, as the tears pour faster.

(Oh… oh…)

He puts an arm around Zoe’s shoulders, carefully.

(Oh…)

He kisses the top of her head protectively, surprising himself as he’s feeling regretful.

(Oh…)

“I’m sorry, Zo,” he rests his head on hers and closes his eyes and cries.

anonymous asked:

"Hey, cheer up, sweetheart! Bein' a toon ain't so bad -and ya got me ta show you the ropes!" Bendy offers a comforting, if not slightly awkward, pat on the shoulder, "At least, until we find a way to getcha back to normal again, heh-heh..." (Ink-imp)

“I sure hope so, Bendy.” She wasn’t going to say it, but deep in her gut she now understands why the former toon was so upset at his existence… it wasn’t really as fun as people made it seem.

@ink-imp

10

Happy Birthday Oh Sehun!!!! I apologize for the lame edits. I wish I could make real edits but for now this will have to do. Wow I have so much to say I just don’t know where to begin. On this day 20 years ago, Oh Sehun was brought into the world. I am so thankful for his existence and even though he upsets me with his perfectly God-sculpted face and body, he is a beautiful, talented, amazing boy (or should I say man??) who has brought me, as well as others, so much joy. I just hope that someday he realizes the number of lives he’s changed and that he never stops smiling his bright, perfect smile and that he never stops being his adorable, dumb, 4D self. Here’s to hoping that your 20th birthday is amazing because you deserve the absolute best. You are the star that shines light onto us all. 

Happy Birthday Oh Sehun!! Never stop shining!