Unsteady - Draco Malfoy Imagine
Warnings:Panic attacks,breakdowns, mild angst, feelings. fluff, death mention
Based off of the song Unsteady by X Ambassadors
Hold on to me
Cause I’m a little Unsteady.
‘I can’t handle this. It’s too much. I can’t kill Dumbledore. But if I don’t He will kill me. I need to do it. I have to. I have no choice.’ Draco’s mind droned on with that, over and over. Each time he thought of the task the Dark Lord had chosen him for, he felt sick to his stomach.
He was proud to be chosen, finally be a part of the Dark Lord’s army. Finally able to make his father truly proud. - But that all faded long ago. Now there was fear, and uncertainty. The Dark Lord was impatient, and Draco knew that. The longer he took to make his move on the Headmaster, the less Voldemort trusted him, and with that, the more expendable Draco became.
Draco loosened his tie, and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt as another panic attack set in. He hardly felt like he could breathe anymore, his plight crushing him from the inside, out. He didn’t want this, not anymore. Draco strode towards the dungeons, hoping to find relief in the empty Slytherin common room, where he could attempt to collect himself.
“Password?” The portrait asked, but Draco couldnt think of it, the words just repeating over and oveer in his head.
“Just let me in!” Draco shouted, banging the door, and muttering curses under his breath. “Just… let me in.” he whispered, sliding down the wall and holding his head in his hands as he began to sob.
You’d been dismissed from Potions with Slughorn early, since your potion was the best out of the the entire class. Passing the doors to the dungeons, you heard soft sobbing, causing you to turn and walk towards them.
There sat Draco, just outside the doors, clutching his head in one hand, and his tie tightly in the other. Hearing your footsteps approaching, he lifted his head and looked at you with puffy red glaring eyes. “Enjoying the show Y/L/N?” he asked with a broken chuckle before wiping his eyes, and setting his tie on the ground next to him.
“No… Malfoy, what’s wrong?” Sitting down next to him, you picked up his tie and rolled it neatly, handing it to him. It wasn’t as if you two were strangers. In fact, you were quite close for your first few years, until 4th year where you lost touch- well more like he lost touch. It pained you to have him treat you that way; like one second you were the best thing, and the next he didn’t even care about you. You found it best to just go your own separate ways, never speaking another word to each other, until now. You couldn’t ignore him, not in this state.
Malfoy attempted to retort with something, but at the moment his mind was blank. Except for the constant reminders of his burden, his mind couldn’t muster up any other words than-
“I’m just a little unsteady is all…” Draco said, barely above a whisper as he stared down at the floor, and the tie sitting in front of him.
He couldn’t tell you anything, it would make you an accessory to his soon-to-be crime. He cared for you, loved you even. As much as he wished he didn’t, it was true. That was the reason he’d severed his ties. Once word of the Dark Lord’s return had spread to the Malfoy’s, he knew he couldn’t make you a part of it.
You’d never seen him like this before, so broken, so fragile, not his usually cocky and somewhat annoying self. You couldn’t stand it, and did what you needed to do. Wrapping your arms around his lanky body, you felt him stiffen up in surprise, then relax as he realized you wouldn’t hurt him. Draco let out a shaky breath, and turned his head towards you, looking into your eyes with his own deep gray ones.
“W-what was that for?” he stuttered, looking at you incredulously, though showing no signs of wanting you to stop. He knew he needed this. Usually he’d go to his mother, but she was part of the problem right now, his entire family was. Somehow for a second he felt safe with you, and that was all it took for the panic to die down.
“I don’t know what is wrong, or why you’re so unsteady…. But if you’d like… I can hold on to you for a bit, and maybe even steady you. If that would help.” you replied, reaching up and brushing some of his unkempt hair behind his ear.
This was what drove Draco over the edge. He couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t hide his feelings for you, or pretend you didn’t exist any longer. He needed you. He needed someone to help him fight when he felt like flying. He was tired of being alone, and the only person he wanted,- truly wanted to be with- was you.
Draco laid his head on your shoulder, nearly burying his face in it as he let go. All of the pent up anger, stress, fear, and loathing came out in a form of tears. “Y/N please. …don’t let go.” he whispered clutching you tightly.
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