buys you a dog in order to assess your maternal instincts.
“Go away, I’m not in the mood!” you
chase the pup away when it tries to play with you.
My God, she has amazing skills; motherhood will fit her like a glove ! your boyfriend thinks, totally and
utterly charmed with your caring abilities.
2. The Joker gets a small indoor plantas a gift to see how you do with it.
You don’t like to take care of anything so it
dies in 4 days.
Wow, the plant survived for a while ! My Princess will be a stellar mom!
Her nurturing capabilities are beyond average!!!
he admits to himself, feeling such pride his heart is about to burst
Frost to bring his baby over to the Penthouse and watches your reaction.
You hold the little boy for about 20
seconds before passing him back to his dad:
“Ugghh, no thank you.”
I’ll be damned, she’s a natural ! Great instincts ! She’s not my Queen for
nothing! he hums,
completely smitten with your motherly affection.
4. The Joker slowly drives by playgrounds to see if it will awake the mom in you again.
“I hate kids!” you grumble, frowning when
you hear the screaming offsprinsgs playing and running around.
My Doll is perfect! She already knows exactly what to say and what to do.
Incredible! the green
haired pest reckons with a huge grin, not even paying attention to driving. Almost
crushes the car into a school bus.
“Move it faster!” he gets pissed. “Why
does everyone have to wait on these useless children?!”
J has marvelous parenting skills also.
You are more than exhilarated noticing
how doting and considerate he seems:
“Right!” he growls, honking like
5. J sees mating signs when there are none.
You barely finished your morning routine,
didn’t even comb your hair yet and crawl in the kitchen for coffee wearing an
oversized sweater that looks like a garbage bag.
“Why are you teasing me, hm?” he
purrs, sipping on his mocca.
“Huh?” you rub your eyes, still out
“Com’ere, Y/N, ” he gestures with his
“For what?” you yawn, but comply.
“Fun times!” he smirks and you take
your sweater off, tired as hell.
“I guess so…” you scratch your arm
and straddle his lap, half asleep.
She’s so energetic and enthusiastic, The King of Gotham reckons. My Pumpkin will win the “Mother of The Year” award when the time comes.
6. He feels the need to share on his idea with important people in his life.
The list is short.
J lights up a Batsy signal and leaves
a note for him:
“I’m going to be a dad before you. I
win again. HA!HA!HA!HA! HA!HA!HA!HA!”
Great! Exactly what this town needs: a Clown baby, Bruce sighs, cringing at the idea of
you two being parents. I bet you anything
the lunatics will ask me to babysit.
Batsy is correct: The Joker already
typed a schedule on his laptop.
7. He leaves you encrypted messages on the fridge.
J keeps on rearranging the letter
magnets every day:
“Me and you equals 3”, “ one for now–
more later,” “ one plus one plus one plus one,”Y/N plus J doesn’t equal two.”
For a genius, he can’t even count, you smile, blissfully unaware on his plans. Why would
he tell you anyway? Things are better when they’re complicated.
8. The Joker makes sure you go to a baby shower.
Panda’s wife is pregnant. Lots of other
pregnant women around, all complaining about the hardships their bodies are
You just watch and listen.
“Suckers, they did that to
themselves,” you whisper to your boyfriend, snickering. “Who needs kids
anyway?! They’re loud, they stink and they cry all the time.”
You boyfriend gets overwhelmed with your
She’s remarkable! My Doll will be such a phenomenal mom! She is basically
begging me to get her pregnant at this point, J concludes, thrilled to see how well
you’re doing with his little tests.
9. He reads stuff on Google. Apparently, some
couples get pregnant right away when they try for a baby, some try for months,
he huffs. Unheard off! That’s for
commoners and peasants, we’re royalty; I can knock her up by the end of the
week, J arrogantly concludes since he has a very good opinion about his
expertise in the field.
Oh, there you are dragging your feet,
wearing that huge sweater again and looking like crap first thing in the
“You like to tease me, hm?” The Joker
licks his lips, aroused.
“What?” you pout with only one eye
“Com’ere,” he commands and you obey,
taking your garment off and straddling his lap, almost falling asleep on his
This impressive maternal aura she has, J thinks. My
Princess will be able to keep up with that baby like it’s nothing: her stamina
and focus are off the charts!
10. He feels up the bedroom next to the master bedroom with toys and teddy
“What do we need this for?!” you
sulk, upset he’s such a hoarder.
“You never know when we’ll need it,” The
Joker winks and you’re suspicious.
“I’m not going to another baby
shower, if that’s what you’re implying! Seeing pregnant women depressed me,
they looked so miserable. Yuck, just the thought of having a kid keeps me up at
night,” you shiver with anxiety.
I was correct,
he joyfully figures out. She is so
impatient to have a baby!
11. J shows you baby pictures on his cellphone.
“Which one do you think it’s cuter,
“NONE!” you bitterly reply and once
more, he is astonished.
Definitely got a winning lottery ticket with my woman, The Clown Prince of Crime firmly
believes. She’s so affectionate and altruistic!
12. He takes you on a robbery at…a baby store.
“What the hell are we doing here, J ?!”
you get frustrated since this is a waste of time.
“We need supplies,” his short reply
and the grin make you skeptical.
“I already told you I’m not going to
another baby shower ! Just look at all this nonsense, completely useless and
irritating!” your tirade makes his heart stop.
My Y/N is a certified overachiever! The Joker flashes his silver smile at you, stashing everything
he can get his hands on in huge duffle bags for his men to carry out. Our kid will be so spoiled and pampered;
certainly winning “Mother of The Year” award when the time comes. No doubt
about it !
13. The Joker takes the day off when you tell him you’re pregnant.
Not that he has to since he doesn’t
have a real job…
But he’s over the moon and you are
very grouchy, unhappy with the news.
The dog comes over to play and J is
fast to snap and chase it away:
“Get lost, mutt !! I don’t have time
for this now!!”
hold your breath, enchanted. At least he will
have spectacular parenting skills. Shit, he might even win “The Father of the
I got your first few asks; like, don’t worry. I’m hearing you loud and clear, and I’m just as scared as you are, but I simply do not know why kangaroos are so buffnasty and horrible to look at.
I’ve described them in the past as looking like “human men who made a bad deal with a genie to become perfect killing machines”, or “people who got botched plastic surgery to become their fursona”, or “trainers from the weight lifting room in hell”, but I’ve yet to discover just why that is.
They’re just real bad to look at, anon. Real bad. Sometimes I get so yucked out that I think god may have put those kicky little upright monster deer here to upset me specifically.
Also, are you the kid sending me death threats? Did you send me death threats because I didn’t answer your kangaroo question? I mean, no worries. I understand that when you’re in a compromised emotional state, you say and do things you don’t mean, and having to know that kangaroos are out there just… looking that way… certainly messes up my delicate emotional ecosystem somethin’ fierce. But death threats? Come on, man. I’m already out here sending myself death threats. That job is taken.
From the new BPMagazine. Sorry for cutting off their heads at the top.
Mahiro: I’m working on my feelings. Mitsuki: My heart is so far from the others. Kujou: I’m… a sleepy guy. Hiyori: My stomach is so cold… brrr. Junji: I’m the only one looking at the camera!! (lol)
Kujou: I’m going to hang myself! I’m gonna do it now! Anyone…!? Mr. Kujou’s gonna diiee! I’m really gonna diee! Someone…!?
Mahiro: My posture looks so modest. Mitsuki: I want to gather in darkness. Kujou: Yuck, I don’t wanna live here. Junji: We’re all crowding Mahiro! (lol) I’m going to start the meeting now.
Mahiro: “Don’t look. -Mahiro.”
Mitsuki: I’m either Liu Bei or a new emperor. Hiyori: This guy here looks like he’s trying to be a Chinese emperor…
Mitsuki: My right arm is freezing…
Junji: I’m all tied up. It was really hard to play like this.
Junji: I shall grant you three wishes! What’s that? You’d like money? Hmm… Nope!!!! lol
Hiyori is now a stray Hiyori, looking for a new home.
Mahiro: I’m being held for ransom. Mitsuki: In my tenth year, I’ve gained the ability to control fire. Hiyori: This is just a Mitsuki shot. Go Mikkun~
Mitsuki: I’m being tied at the waist now.
Mahiro: We’re playing “sold into slavery.” Kujou: We were both sold…
Kujou: Why is it Mr. Kujou is always the only one being put in positions like this!!!
Mahiro: Hey! Tighter! Come back here and tie me up tighter.
Kujou: Ain’t I strong? I’m so strong. Look, look!
Mahiro: Hey, tie me tighter. Kujou: Hiyorin… how do I look? Does Mr. Kujou look nice? Hiyori: I mean, I guess, but I’m not really into bondage.
Mahiro: HEY. WHERE AM I? Mitsuki: I feel like a statue or mannequin. Kujou: It’s curtains for you, asshole (Mahiro)… Hiyori: The ropes are cutting into me and it hurts. Junji: Ah, it’s too bad that it’s raining today…