Both My Hands
Hey guys! I’ve kind of been drowning you in angst lately. Angst is my favourite to write (and read), and I’ve been having a bit of a hard time, so writing the angst has been very cathartic for me. Today, however, we have some straight up fluff and romance.
I’m not entirely sure I’m happy with the way this is written. There were some extreme emotions I was trying to convey, and I just kept tripping over my words. I hope you like it regardless, and if you have any feedback, please let me know! I love to hear from you guys : )
“Steve, do you have any idea where James is?”
“No (Y/N), sorry. I thought he was with you,” Steve replied honestly.
You sighed. This was the third time in two weeks he had just disappeared, and each time he returned, after being gone for hours, you could feel the stress on him, and he would wrap his arms around you until he calmed down. But he wouldn’t tell you where he was, what he was doing, or what was causing his distress.
To say you were worried would not be a strong enough sentence. Concerned? No. Scared? Nope. Terrified? Yeah, that sounds about right.
“Alright, well… if he shows up, let me know?”
“Of course, (Y/N). I don’t think you have to worry about anything,” Steve mused. “He wouldn’t do anything dangerous.”
“You can’t feel what he feels when he gets back, Steve…” you replied, pinching the bridge of your nose. “And he hasn’t told either of us what he’s up to. What could he possibly be doing?”
“I honestly don’t know, (Y/N). I’m sure he’ll talk to you, when the time is right.”
You nodded, and Steve walked closer to you, wrapping his arms around you.
“Thanks, Steve. I’ll see you later,” you eventually said, ending the hug.
“Ok. Let me know if you need anything. I could punch him, if that’ll help,” Steve joked.
Despite the concern you were feeling, you laughed. “I might take you up on that offer.”
Back in your apartment, you tried not to worry. You had no work to do. You didn’t much feel like training, and you weren’t in the mood to read. Maybe a nice, relaxing bath would help.
You entered the bathroom, filling the tub with water the perfect temperature. “FRIDAY, could you please play my ‘I’m stressed’ playlist?”
Certainly Mrs. Barnes.
“Thank you,” you replied, as the bathroom was filled with the music that helped you calm down.
Half an hour later, you could feel Bucky enter the compound. He was stressed, as he had been the last few times, but there was also some excitement mixed in with that. You weren’t sure what to make of it. You could feel Tony too. He was ecstatic about something. Had Bucky been disappearing to see Tony?
Soon, you heard a knock at the bathroom door. You knew it was Bucky, but he still called out.
“It’s me, (Y/N). Can I come in?”
You thought for a moment, and then gave him your permission to enter, asking FRIDAY to turn your music off. When he pushed the door open, he smiled warmly at you.
Bucky walked over to you, and perched himself on the step to the bathtub. He didn’t say a word, but you noticed him wringing his hands nervously.
“James… please tell me what’s going on. I can’t… I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me,” you said, after deciding you couldn’t handle the silence any longer.
“I’m sorry, (Y/N). I really wanted to tell you,” Bucky finally spoke. “I really did. But, I wanted to surprise you.”
“I’m not going to lie, I did this mostly for myself,” Bucky continued, still not making much sense to you. “But I also wanted to do it for you.”
Is that the excitement you sensed on him? He wanted to do something for himself (which made you feel so happy), and surprise you with it, and it was finally done? But, what did that have to do with Tony?
“James, Love,” you began, pulling yourself to the edge of the tub, to be closer to your husband. “What is it?”
Bucky didn’t reply. He looked into your eyes with so much love, you weren’t sure your heart could take it. Then, he reached out to you, cupping your cheek in his palm. He used his thumb to gently stroke your skin. And he smiled again.
The metal was cool against your flushed cheek.
You sat in shock, not quite sure you understood what was happening. He never touched your face with his metal hand. He was always scared that he would accidentally hurt you.
“Your skin is always so soft,” Bucky whispered, a break in his voice.
“You can… you can feel me?” You asked, his hand still delicately cupping your face.
“I can feel you,” Bucky replied. A tear escaped his eye, running silently down his cheek, getting lost in his scruff.
“H-how?” You asked, your own tears welling up.
“I don’t know exactly what went into it,” Bucky explained. “But Tony’s been working on it.”
“Did it… hurt?”
“Oh yeah. It hurt so much I didn’t think I could handle it,” Bucky’s hand slowly lowered from your face, fingers travelling softly down your neck, and then moving to trace along your collarbone with a barely there touch. His flesh hand reached out to tuck your hair behind your ear. “But I don’t care. I can feel you with both my hands again.”
You looked at him with a smile, your lip quivering as you failed to keep your tears from spilling. Bucky’s metal hand again moved to your face, this time treasuring your lips.
You hesitantly placed your hand on the back of his. “You can feel it all?”
“Yes,” Bucky struggled to say. “I feel how warm your lips are. I feel your hand resting on mine. I feel the water.”
You took his metal hand in yours, and placed a kiss on the palm. And you knew he felt it, because of his smile. You placed a finger to your lips, and kissed it softly. You knew he felt it, because of the way he looked at you. You sucked the finger into your mouth, pushing it back out with your tongue. You knew he felt it, because of the way he moaned.
No more words were shared between the two of you. Bucky hastily removed his clothing, and joined you in the bath, desperate to feel every inch of you. You reveled in his touch, allowing him all the time in the world to let his left hand get to know your body again.
“I love you, James,” you whispered into his ear.
“I love you too, (Y/N),” he replied, voice breathy and consumed by passion.
By the time you were done, the bath water was almost cold, and you were both thoroughly satisfied. Bucky helped you out of the bath, and wrapped your towel around you, almost reverently.
Dried off and dressed, and so happy you could barely stand it, you could sense that Tony was still in the building. You walked down to the common room, your right hand in Bucky’s metal hand, to see him.
When you saw him, he was chatting happily with Sam. When he saw you, he smiled gleefully. You let go of Bucky, and walked to Tony, enveloping him in a warm hug.
“Thank you for doing that for him, Tony,” you said. “Thank you for making him so happy.”
“It’s alright, Dove,” Tony replied, rubbing your back. “You both deserve some happiness.”
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