so this is 40

Okay but every time I see positive gifs/photos/posts about Hayden at the Star Wars celebration I get so emotional because that man was torn to PIECES by the media (and he was never angry about it, he just focused on what he loved: how it made kids happy, and how much fun it was) and now he comes back, a decade later, probably a little nervous if not scared out of his mind (he looks a tad nervous in the pics of him first walking to the event) about how the people are going to react to seeing him again, and he gets a STANDING OVATION and a girl yelling “I love you Hayden” and I can barely imagine how WONDERFUL that must have felt to realize “hey, WE still love you, despite all the haters” and I’m just ugh THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WELCOMING HIM LIKE YOU DID I HOPE HE IS TREATED AS WELL AS HE WAS AT THE CELEBRATION FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE

not to sound like an Abused Kid™ but parents and other adults are untrustworthy and can turn on you without a moment’s notice

4

if you expected a serious fanart from me, im sorry

the way homecoming Should Have Ended
  • the pain of jeremiah’s actions stings almost as much as the fact that kara knows this feeling well. she wants the betrayal to burn its way down her spine, but it doesn’t, not when she’s been hurt so many times before.
    • if anything, this is a different kind of pain than true betrayal. it is dull, a constant ache, not a seeking one. it’s a pain that says i’m here, i’m always here, i’m always here
  • sometimes when the anger is too much, when it presses down too hard, she flies. sometimes she screams. sometimes—she cries
    • these times, the moments where she curls up on her couch and just lets go–they are rare, born only from the most desperate of dashed hopes
  • there is a knock at the door, and kara mutters something about unlocked– come in. she does not spare much thought to the figure at the other side, too exhausted to lift her head, x-ray the door. whatever she is expecting, it is certainly not lena, carrying a small paper bag
  • “you had to miss lunch today, and well, when i miss lunch, that means i’m too busy to eat, so i wanted to stop by with some d—”
    • in any other moment, lena’s rambling would be endearing. in any other moment, kara would be blushing furiously by now, stumbling, falling
    • in this moment, her breath catches in her throat, comes out as half a sob. she wipes her eyes, a futile gesture, and tries to smile like lena hasn’t just walked in on her sitting and crying, alone on her couch
    • (of all the people, of all the times. kara almost wants to laugh at the universe for being so against her)
  • “i, uh– well, you’re right, i didn’t eat. thank you,” kara says. lena wavers for a moment before shaking her head, stepping forward once, giving kara a chance to rebuke her
    • it would be as easy as sorry, i kind of want to be alone right now. lena is expecting it–who would want a luthor as a source of comfort?–but the words never come
  • so she sits next to kara, tense and unsure, but then kara is sniffling and leaning into her, and lena wraps her arm around kara’s shoulder and pulls her close
    • it is, after all, what kara would do for her
  • they sit like that for some time, silent save for the occasional trembling breath
  • eventually, kara breaks the silence: “my father back on–” she swallows, hard, shakes her head a bit. “my father made the medusa virus. he created it, and when i found out, i was… i was so angry. i had loved him, believed in him. and he had created that? and my adoptive father here he… he betrayed us too. today. he came back, but he–”
    • lena knows kara is supergirl, has known since the moment kara danvers walked into her office for the first time, hot on the heels of clark kent. but the confirmation, uttered with so much trust, so little fanfare, makes her heart clench painfully
  • “it still hurts,” kara says. “even– even though it’s happened before. it still hurts”
  • “it’s because you care,” lena says softly. “you care so much about everyone, and you trust, and you love. that’s not a bad thing. that’s an incredible thing, kara”
    • she wants to say more. she wants to say i never believed i was a good person until you came into my office and sat on my couch and now– now you are doubting yourself, and oh, i wish i could show you the same thing you showed me
    • she wants to say i love you but she’s not sure about that yet, though she is becoming increasingly confident by the day
  • kara leans back so she can look at lena, bites her lip at the way lena is looking down at her with so much righteous affection, like she would take on the world to prove the truth of her words. it is the same look she gives lena. “do you mean that?”
  • lena does not answer. instead, she reaches for the paper bag she had placed on the table earlier. she holds it up for a moment, waits for kara to understand
    • kara brought donuts when lena needed trust, needed love. it is her turn to return the favor
  •  “i figured you could use a donut. you do eat donuts, right?” lena says. kara stares at the bag for a beat, then she looks up
  • finally, she smiles. “well, i’m not human, but—”