so that's where my thoughts have been

"Well, melissa will tell me, or anybody else on set. My brother mentioned it a few times."
  • melissa: katie the fans think our characters are super gay for each other and I'm super about it
  • director: good job melissa but this time can you giggle and look down like the very thought of lena being so close to you makes you blush
  • katie's brother: katie uh did you mean to do that lip bite there
  • writer 1: do you think it's too much to write "lena suggestively and seductively whispers 'you are my hero' as kara giggles and blushes"
  • writer 2: nah man if anything that's tame, have you seen what we've been writing for mon-el
  • editor 1: okay that looks great but can you put in the shot where Lena is looking unnecessarily longingly at Kara while she talks? it's gayer
  • editor 2: shit u right that's gayer yeah i'll do that
  • katie: how naive was I

So I have some thoughts about  Dear Evan Hansen. This isn’t really about the Great Comet, if it should have won, any of that at all. This is just my personal take on DEH. 

I see where Dear Evan Hansen is good. I liked it when I listened to it. I’ve sung along to it many times. But its still problematic, parts of it bother me alot, and it will never do for me what other shows before it have done, but if it made you feel found, thats good. That’s enough. 

I look at it like this: if I’d been on this hellsite when Next to Normal first came out there probably would have been people attacking it and calling out issues in it. But Next to Normal saved my life. Next to Normal has over the years been an evolving life line that continues to keep me together when nothing else does. No one can take it or the things it did for me away from me. For me, I can’t personally find that power in parts of DEH, but I see where other people could. If DEH saved you, it saved you. And that’s enough. 

So, I know I’ve been reblogging a lot of salty things post Tonys, and I just wanted to kinda clarify that while I disagree with some of the awards, I don’t want to make you feel like you aren’t valid for finding strength in Dear Evan Hansen. If it made you feel found, I’m so happy for you and I hope this discourse doesn’t impact the things it did for you. 

An explanation, and goodbye?

This is tough. Really tough. Because I never thought I’ be writing this.

I’ve been part of this fandom for essentially 4 years, and owner of this bog for over 3. Its been my life. I would log on every single day and post, I’d never miss a Mark video and I’d always be 100% up to date with what ever was going on in the fandom, good or bad.

You may have noticed that over the past few days I’ve not really been active. This is where is gets tough, its because I feel distant. Its not because I dont like Mark anymore, thats not true, but I’ve grown out of his videos almost. I dont have the absolute desire to see them every day. That ‘I can’t miss anything’ feeling have wavered to a point where I’ve not even thought about his videos for days until I see the Tumblr Icon on my phone.

This is so strange. I dont dislike Mark or Amy or anyone. To be honest, Mark is one of the most important people in my life. Anyone who has followed me for a while will know how I have struggled mentally for the past few years. Its not been easy and I’m not exaggerating by saying that Mark and you guys have kept me here. There was times when I didnt know how I was going to continue, and I did because I could leave you guys. I couldn’t disappoint Mark, and now its almost that I dont need that anymore. It sounds awful but please let me explain. I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I had left Uni, and gone travelling then had to face the real world. I ended up in a job I despise and although I’m still there I actually have an idea of where I want my life to go. For the first time in 3 years I know how I want to live my life. I have a dream, and I desperately want to achieve it. 

Erm…I dont want to say goodbye as if I’m going away forever, but I just dont know how active I will be. And I hate this because…because I have worked so hard on this. I feel like I’m throwing this away. Throwing all your support back in your faces. Please dont see it that way. I beg you. I’m still here. I love Tumblr, despite its flaws, and I will still post I just dont want to make you guys think I’m abandoning you. I feel the I owe you this much.

For the past 2 and a bit years I have thanked you for existing after every post I make, and that will never stop. I owe you all so much. I love you. I really do.

If you have any questions please ask, publicly or privately. 

This is the hardest post I’ve had to make.

Oosh out
Thank you for existing 

Prussia's Awesome Quest Final Part
  • Prussia: wow, can't believe I struck out twice! Can't get advice from both England and Spain... now who else- oh, West!
  • Child Germany: big bruder, where have you been?
  • Prussia: um, just, y'know, doing great things!
  • Child Germany: huh?
  • Prussia: anyways, just a thought... is there a certain way that you want me to act to make you feel more comfortable? Like, anything, just tell me kay? I want to be the most awesome big bruder you will ever have!
  • Child Germany: ... hahaha~ You're weird~
  • Prussia: eh?
  • Child Germany: you already make me comfortable, and although I don't quite know what 'my awesomeness' is, I think that makes you amazing.
  • Prussia: *teared eyed* Germany, that was so beautiful-
  • England and Spain: that's not how it's supposed to go!
  • Prussia: What the- where did you two come from???
  • <p> <b></b> Michael POV<p/><b></b> "Man I didn't even really wanna go to prom, it was just a bunch of overly horny niggas and bitches that spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on one night that would be over before it began" I said as me and my bestfriend Metri sat at the food court in the mall. "Bitch shut the fuck up you know you wanna go, you just mad cause you don't have a date yet, and you extra salty cause Darrien ain't ask you yet" he laughed as he took a bite of his chick-fil-a sandwhich. He was right though I actually did wanna go but I only wanted to go with one person and that was him, waiting on him to ask me to prom was like waiting in line for new Jordan's to drop it takes forever. "Yeah whatever Bitch, he ain't gonna ask me so Im just over it, it's only a week an a half left till prom and I don't have a tux or limo shit I'm mad as hell I brought that $100 ticket" I said actually becoming mad a little. " Calm down Mike, you'll get asked and if you don't you can come with me and Travis" he replied trying to cherler me up. "GREAT!!, so I can be a third wheel, na I'll pass" I retorted honestly. We finished our meal and did a little more shopping as we were leaving I seen darrien and some other boy walking on I quickly grabbed metri and duck behind this big ass flower pot outside the mall. "BITCH, I'll smack the shit outta you bout to give me whip flash better be glad me and Jesus ace boon coons in this new year don't do that shit no more" he said but I ignored everything he said and said " Look, there go Darrien and some other boy going in the mall, do you know him?" I asked because my Bitch been around the block and up the street a few times. " Yeah that's Evan he got a big dick, Mmm.. A really big-". " Michael?" Someone asked from behind me and from the voice I knew exactly who it was. " He-hey Darrien funny running into you here haha" I say nervously beings I was just caught hiding behind a flower pot at 3 in the afternoon. " What you doing behind this flower pot, hey Metri" he said as he hugged us both. "Well I was-we were- he needed" I couldn't speak at all so like a true bestfriend my bitch quickly said " We were here looking at tuxs for prom, how about you guys and hey Evan!" He said as he gave Evan that look that make ya mom uncomfortable cause she no her son getting dicked down right. "Wassup Metri, still looking sexy as ever, you a stranger thou shawty, I see ya new nigga got you in lock huh?" Evan replied licking his lips and I'll admit I got alil turned on. "please don't get him started on niggas" I said as I pulled darriens so we could talk away from those two knuckle heads.<p/><b></b> Darrien POV<p/><b></b> I'll admit it Michael was looking so fine right now he had his hair I'm braids that led to a man bun and his ass was sitting right, I spotted him and Metri walking out the mall as soon as we got close to the steps o seen him duck down behind that flower pot and all that. "So why was you hiding again?" I asked him because I wanted a answer. " ok truth is I seen you and Evan and I didn't know him so I thought-" before he could finish I said " I was cheating, Oh okay, nah shawty I'm not going no where". " So if that's true why haven't you asked me to prom yet Darrien we only have a week basically to get his shit together, is cause I'm a boy and your parents don't know" he said and I could see the hurt in his eyes. " Come on man! Don't start with that, look I love you and I always will but I'm just not ready for my parents to know yet" I honestly said.<p/><b></b> Me and Michael been messing around since sophomore year and we are now seniors, I came out at school for him cause I really do love him I just haven't told my parents yet.<p/><b></b> "Don't do what! D, explain to the guy I love that I wanna be with him whole heartily I fucking love ya bigheaded ass and I just wanna spend this night with you" he said as tears rolled down his face. Before I could reply he grabbed Metri and left me standing there. "damn, bro you fucked up this time huh?" Evan said walking over as we watched them leave. " Man shut up nigga, I didn't do shit, he wanna go to prom with me but I haven't told my parents about us yet, don't get me wrong I love his ass a lot but I'm not ready yet man, what you think?" I asked him cause he was my boy and he keep it 100 with me. " I think that you should take his ass to prom, tell ya parents and move on if that accept you great if they don't go to college with ya man and start a new life my nigga, for to long we love for others because what they might think or feel bit what about us?" He said as we entered Zumiez " Since when did you become Mr. Knowitall" I said mushing his head. " Since I came out 2 months ago and my mom accept me but you know pops ain't wit it but he cool" he replied which made me think about my next move and how I was gonna tell my parents that there only child was gay and wanted to go to prom with a boy!! Damn.<p/><b></b> If you like this first little snippet of my new tumble story "Knight in shining armor" please please please #reblog and comment lemme know wassup I'll beposting updates every Wednesday and the chapters will be much longer this is just a tease!!<p/></p>

anonymous asked:

Hi, uh, if you don't mind, I'd love to see more of that killugon celebrity au you wrote a while back. If you do want to write more for it, I don't wanna force you to write it right away, since you're already pretty busy at the moment. If you want, you can just ignore this message completely, cause I don't wanna force you to do anything. I just thought I'd mention it cause I really liked it. But yeah, that's all, bye.

So…I find this kind of funny bc I wrote the celebrity au months ago, and then out of no where I got two requests for it in one week haha

But I’ve been seriously slacking for requests considering how many I have sitting in my inbox right now, so I hope this makes up for that slightly! Sorry for the wait guys ^^;

Killugon, modern celebrity au! (Part one)

“Alluka!” Killua shouts as he runs down the stairs, taking two at a time. “Alluka?! Do you see that crowd of people out-”

Killua stops short at the bottom steps, dread pooling into the bottom of his gut.

“-side?” he finishes after a beat.

“Brother!” Alluka jumps up with a radiant smile and the stranger sitting across from her twists around in the wooden chair. His caramel-gold eyes brighten the second they land on Killua.

“Killua!” Jajaken says loudly and something deep within Killua’s chest flutters at the all too familiar voice.

God damnit. He thought he was done with this crap.

“…you,” Killua says. “Jajaken. Why are you here?”

“Killua!” Alluka gasps as Jajaken pouts. “Don’t be rude!”

Killua presses his lips together tightly. Right. Alluka likes this guy. He better play nice or he would definitely hear it later.

“And my name is Gon Freecss, not Jajaken,” the celebrity points out. Killua just makes a face at Jaja- Gon, his name is Gon- and slowly pads into the kitchen. 

He ignores the weight of Gon’s gaze digging into the side of his face as he reaches for the filled coffee pot. He says, “That doesn’t answer my first question. What the hell are you doing in my house?”

Alluka immediately chirps, “He’s visiting! Isn’t that right, Gon?”

Killua nearly gags. His sister sounds like a love-struck teenager.

Gon’s laughter reverberates around the small room like bells though, like he doesn’t mind the attention, and why would he- Jajaken is a international star. Meeting him accidentally nearly a week ago now after passing out and falling into his arms on the red carpet had been surreal enough. Turning around and seeing the guy sitting at Killua’s kitchen table, all bursting grins and caramel skin and melodic voice-

Killua’s face starts to grow warm and he inwardly curses. He’s so stupid. God.

“I am visiting, but I have a question to ask, actually,” Gon admits, tone almost shy. He peeks at Killua and the pale teen’s stomach flips. 

What was going on?!

“I, um. I wanted to know….Killua, would you like to spend the day with me? I only have a few more days here and you offered to show me the sights of Yorknew when we met last week.”

Killua’s mind whirls. He had said that, sure, but. He never expected Gon to take him up on the offer! He’d assumed the famous freckled teen had other, better things to do than follow Killua around.

But the way Gon stares at him, gaze shinning with something that Killua recognizes as curiosity-eagerness-hope-

“I’ll take you anywhere you want for lunch, it that will convince you,” Gon offers and Killua straightens.

“Anywhere?” he asks, trying to keep the excitement out of his tone. “You’re not lying to me, are you Freecss?”

Gon’s smile is bemused. “Mhm, anywhere you want.”

Killua’s heart pounds. Anywhere, Gon said. That means he can drag Gon to that new super expensive chocolate store downtown and make him buy all the sweets Killua could ever want… 

“Is that a yes?” Gon asks.

Okay, sure. Why not? If a celebrity wants Killua’s attention, he isn’t about to say no. 

“Yeah,” Killua says as a grin starts to tug at his lips. “It’s a yes.”

Gon’s entire face lights up, like Killua had just told him he won the lottery. “Great! It’s a date then!”

Killua’s smile freezes in place. Wait, what?

“A…date?” he says weakly and when Gon laughs again, Killua’s mouth goes dry.

How could laughter sound so stupidly nice like that?!

“Yep!” Gon says happily. “Go get dressed and we’ll head out. Okay?“

Killua doesn’t know what to say to that. But then Alluka jerks her head to the stairs and Killua’s feet somehow start to move of their own accord.

He’s passing the front door again when he hears Gon say thoughtfully to his sister, “We should probably go out your basement though, if that’s okay with you. I don’t want the paparazzi to see us leaving. I could always tell them Killua is just someone I keep running into, but I’d rather avoid them all together…”

Killua’s head spins and he takes a deep breath to steady his pounding heart. If this is what the morning was like, today was sure to be one hell of a day.

warrierprncss  asked:

Hi! So my sister's bday is coming up and I have a present idea. She's always struggled with weight/body image and in the last year she's been going to gym and trying to be active in a way that seems really healthy and loving. I wanna encourage her by getting her some kind of cookbook or exercise book that is written in a way that's funny and easily readable but NOT fatphobic. Do you have any recommendations or thoughts on where I might start looking to find something like that? Thank you!

If anyone has a recommendation, please share it! Post here so that we can all look into some good reading.

anonymous asked:

Why did you decide to stop being a Muslim?

i’ve experienced islam from a cultural viewpoint which is exactly where you SHOULDN’T experience it, bc a cultures norms and traditions seem to fade in with the religion, when thats not actually the case. so my experience with islam has been the people whose words expressed their faith but never their actions.

this season of skam made me see islam in such a more pure and true state, and i have sana bakkoush and julie andem to thank for that. maybe i’ll go back, you never know. but my thoughts are; if you need a book to tell you to be selfless in order to get a reward later on, then are you really selfless ? but also, one could argue that people are inherently selfish so idk man

all i know is that i am constantly trying to better myself as a person, and i dont feel the need to do that bc of a book or religion as a whole. and i dont think you need to fast or pray to be a good person.

also, even though i myself am not, i still respect everyone regardless of their religion (obviously)


i havent been drawing much lately so i figured id use my blog like an actual blog to get something new on here, i dont think i’ll say anything profound but im all about being candid so if youre interested in that, cool.

around a year ago i made a big effort to make a multi chapter webcomic that i was hoping would get me noticed to snag some art job in some cartoon studio, but my intentions were so awful that i just sorta fell apart and was feeling burnt out every day. i bought lots of storyboarding books and studied tips on writing and looked for some kind of education to tell me how to do a good job, but then it wasnt about making a comic anymore. i had basically rewritten my story about 3 times and lost all of the fun i had when i thought it up, and i just fizzled out on it and i dont think i’ll be working on it again any time soon (i then went for a shorter idea that was only about being fun for me, and thats where The Red Muscle came from, one of the few projects ive ever finished).

during this time i would see the artists i look up to and how their circle of connections and friends gets tighter and tighter and i would get bothered so much with how badly i wanted to be in that circle yet never felt like i was a part of it, and that thought process poisoned everything i tried to make for months. ive been spending my time these days just having fun thinking up ideas and not worrying about making everything a finished piece i can shove in some art director’s face. i dont spend nearly as much time drawing as i did in the past, but i’m in a much better emotional space currently. i still think working at a cartoon studio would be a dream come true, but i dont let the idea of me not working there in the next 5-10 years cripple me anymore.

i think i felt like posting these unfinished pages and thumbnails just to help myself accept that not every idea has to be finished, or even be good. sometimes you can work on something and if you feel like what you have isnt doing anything for you, its ok to stop and do something else that feels better for you. i also thought some of these thumbs were really good! i tried really hard to make nice pages with cool camera angles and and page layouts, i practiced my perspective a lot and thought these had some of my biggest artistic growth in a long time.

if you bothered to read my ramblings all the way down to here, i should say thank you and im sorry! haha

There are nights where I lay in bed, staring at my ceiling, wondering why I do it. Why wait for someone who can’t be here with me when I need him? Why wait for someone to come back to me when he’s the one thats constantly leaving? Why wait for a brief moment with him after so many months apart? Why wait for something that might never happen? Why wait for him at all?

I’ll admit, there have been times where I’ve totally lost it. There have been times where I’ve thrown things across the room and dented my walls. There have been times where I’ve screamed into pillows so no one could hear me. And times where I’ve gone and sobbed in the shower until I couldn’t breathe. If you’ve done it, then I’ve done it too. If you’ve thought it, then I’ve thought it too. If you’ve felt it, then I’ve felt it too. Every single day I think, “What kind of relationship is this? Who has a relationship with someone they never get to spend time with? Who deals with this crap? I can’t plan a single damn thing without having to consult the the military first.”

I mean, it’s insane. right? My whole life revolves around skype, phone calls, and the promise of a future together. I don’t fall alseep next to him, I fall asleep with him on Skype. I don’t get to touch him, or hug him, or kiss him, nearly as much as I’d like to… Or nearly as much as I’m entitled to. I find that I secretly resent girls who get to see their boyfriends or fiancés or husbands all the time - the line “I miss him” doesn’t mean anything to me when they say it. I feel like they never understand what missing someone is until their someone has been taken from them. So, when our someone has been taken away by the military, it’s like we voluntarily rescind any rights to a life of normalcy for a love that is committed, first to country, and second, to us.

So, why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it not enough that our men are taken from us, shipped off to god-knows-where, and then returned to us only after their (and our) duty is done? Who, in their right mind, would want to deal with that?

Well, I’ll tell you who wants to deal with it:

I do. Your next door neighbor does. The cashier behind the counter does. The science teacher does. The stay-at-home mom does. The average college student does.

Any woman who loves him, wants to deal with it.

We do it because we love them. We do it because we are the strongest women on earth. We do it because one, single, solitary moment with them is worth a lifetime away from them. It doesn’t mean we have to do this with a smile plastered on our face, and (Lord knows) we certainly don’t most of the time. We do it because, for his love, we’d do anything.

Honestly, most of the time, I hate it. It takes a pretty strong person to ignore the sting of tears, threatening to spill onto the canvas we call our face… The smallest thing can bring tears to my eyes: a song, a smell, a word, a place. anything and everything can make me tear up. Pretending to be happy is like an Olympic sport for those of us who are in love with someone who serves; their duty is to their country, while our duty is to love them. Despite all the pain we endure, it is truly an honor to love a man like that.

I fall among the silent ranks of those who love someone in the military. I live, love, and suffer in silence, with thousands of others who are waiting just as patiently as I am. We cling to moments, few and far between, because they are the promise of something more. We yearn for the phone calls, the text messages, the emails, because they remind us who were waiting for. We don’t measure time in days, or weeks, or months… We measure time from when he left, to when he’s going to return. We’ve learned that long stretches of time without them is worth the minuscule amount of time we get to spend with them; “time is of the essence”, is our motto for life.

So, when you ask why we do it, remember, we also ask ourselves why we do it. We ask ourselves every single day why we deal with this loneliness, this pain, this stupid thing we call love… And every time we remind ourselves: because one day he’ll come home to me.

After all, if it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.


Dydia + Cangel quotes pt. 1/

forbidden love chapter one {demi lovato fanfiction}

“y/n! are you ready! we are going to be late!” my mom shouts from downstairs. i sit on my bed looking at my bedroom of 17 years, every mark and dent along the wall has a small story behind it. such as the purple blotch behind my door, when i was about six i thought it would of been a great idea to paint my room my favorite color so i took my moms bright purple nail polish and started painting. man was my mom pissed. my eyes glance to the huge hole in one of my closet doors, i remember when that happened like it was yesterday. my dad was drunk off his ass as usual, shouting at me, my mom came in trying to protect me. dad didnt like that very much so he punched my closet door, inches from my moms face. i was about eight when that happened, we spend the weekend at my grandmas house.

 “y/n are you coming?!” my mom shouts walking into my room snapping me back into reality. “yeah.” i reply pushing one of the stacks of boxes to the side reaching for my shoes. “we have like two hours till we have to be there.” i say passing my mom at the door. “thank you time keeper, but if i do remember correctly we dont know where the house is.” my mom replies ever so sarcastically.  “time keeper thats a new one.” i laugh climbing into the car. my mom smiles walking towards the drivers seat. my mom has been seeing her business partner for about a year now, his name is eric. he finally popped the question a few weeks ago, after that they decided it would be a great idea to move in together. they also thought it would be a great idea to tell me this past weekend. we are going to see the place my mom hasnt stopped talking about ever since she saw it online. one last thing they dropped on me this weekend is eric has a daughter my age, shes moving in with us. she was with her mom three towns over but wants to be with her dad. all the information flooding my head makes me feel like my head might just pop off. 

after stopping at numerous gas stations to get directions, to this place we finally make it 30 minutes early. “how beautiful.” my mom smiles leaning forward in her seat to see the place. i look about the neighborhood, its spotless, neat, clean, all the houses are perfect with their sharp cut rose bushes and bright green grass. its a place where me and my mom always dreamed of living and now its actually happening. i look to my mom as she smiles, looking up to the house still, i hope nothing happens to ruin this for her. 

my moms phone vibrates, “they are almost here.”  “they?” i reply. “yes demi is with him.” she tells me typing away on her phone. suddenly a rush of nervousness runs through me, for what reason iam not sure. i watch erics white camaro pull up behind us through the review mirror. “be nice.” she quickly says pushing the car door open. “when am i not.” i say to myself as climb out of the car. i walk around to see eric kiss my mom on her cheek. “y/n.” he smiles. “hey eric.” i say looking back down to my phone. my mom clears her throat probably telling my to put my phone away but i brush it off. “this is my daughter demi.” erics says as his daughter walks towards us. once i look up to her i cant pull my eyes away. her breast is clear to everyone, and her skirt is so short iam sure if she bends down enough we could see her whole ass. look iam straight, at least i think i am. but after seeing demi i may have to rethink my sexuality a bit more…..

 “how are you helen?” she asks my mom as they hug. “good and you demi?” my mom smiles. seconds pass before they turn to me. “introduce yourself .” my mom says.  “iam umm y/n .” i say in such a soft voice i barely hear myself. “y/n” she repeats. i nod was she walks towards me. “nice to meet you.” she smiles pulling me into a hug. our chest smash together and her hand slides down right above my ass. she pulls away with a small smirk on her face. “c’mon girls lets look at the new house.” eric tell us, opening the front door. the real estate agent is standing in the empty kitchen with her clipboard and papers in hand. “welcome welcome!” she smiles a little to brightly. “let me show you around.” she says motioning towards the living room where there is a small hall that leads to the master bedroom. my mom and eric follow but i travel upstairs to see two bedrooms and right in between them is the bathroom.

 i look in the bedroom to the far left. i walk in and sit on the window seat looking down to the backyard. its much bigger than at the old house, each room is twice as big the old house as well. “so do you live around here?” demi asks me, i turn towards her. “no actually across town.” i reply sitting up straighter. “a house like this?” she asks curious. “no much smaller.” i tell her, listening to voices enter the backyard. “they both really love it.” she goes on. i nod,” yeah i can tell.” looking down to eric and my mom holding hands looking about the yard. “well this is going to be my room.” she smiles. “no i think i was here first if you dont recall like four minutes ago.” i laugh standing up. she just smiles walking closer to me. “i dont recall sorry and i can think of a few things i want to do on this window seat.” she softly says with a smile on her lips coming with in a few inches from me. i lean against the wall behind me for support as she places her hands on my waist. “what are you doing.” i whisper grabbing her wrists. “if you want me to stop just tell me.” she whispers as her hands slip pass my grip and up my shirt. believe me i wanted her to keep going but this is so entirely wrong. “demi.” i say grabbing her hands on my bare stomach. she smiles, pulling my hands to her ass. she lays my palms on her ass, my fingertips brush right underneath her undies. she moans softly, reaching up to my chest. “we cant are are step sisters.” i nearly moan pulling away. “oh ill make you change your mind trust me.” she smirks pulling away then walking towards the top of the stairs. she pauses there a moment then looks back to me, then lifts up her skirt to show me her black laced undies that cover only the top of her ass. she is going to be the death of me. i stay leaning against the wall trying to pull my thoughts together, re imagining her hands on me.  

“y/n?” my moms voice from downstairs calls out to me. “yeah?” i answer walking towards the railing looking down to eric and my mom. “what do you think of it?” my mom asks looking around the base of the house. “its really nice.” i reply looking down to how happy she is. the real estate agent comes from the front door still holding her papers. “do you both still need time to talk?” she asks. eric wraps his hands around my moms waists. “no i think we want this one.” he smiles down to my mom, she smiles back to him. 

a week later the moving truck is parked in our new driveway. we all carry box after box into the directed place written along the top with sharpie. two hours later i sit on my plain mattress, looking at all my belongings, poking out of the stacked boxes and empty bookshelf in the corner of my room.  a small knock comes from my door. “come in.” i reply leaning back against my wall since the head board of my bed is sitting in on the window seat. “just wanted to see if you were alright.” erics voice says once the door opens fully. “yeah iam fine.” i smile as politely as possible. “well, me and ….. your mom are going to drive the truck back to the rental place, we are bring back pizza.” he says, some what nervous. “umm yeah okay.” is all i can say. minutes pass when i finally hear the loud truck engine, running down the street.after changing into shorts and a large tee shirt i make my way downstairs, poking through the boxes in the kitchen to find a glass. after nearly dropping a box labled “fragile” i finally find the glass cup. i fill it with water pulling it to my lips. “you have some sexy lips y/n.” demi says from behind me. i almost spit back into the glass, as i hear her words. she laughs, walking from the kitchen entrance towards me. “your crazy you know that.” i reply sitting my glass down. “why am i crazy?” she asks standing in front of me.”because you think i would do something with you.”  “and you wouldnt?”   “no.” i lie, within a week of being around her i would drop to my knees in front of her and do anything she asked. she smiles as my eyes scan over her pj’s. “you like?” she smirks looking down to her tank top that makes her breasts look huge, and shorts are way shorter than mine. “there alright.” i simply say, grabbing my glass again filling it with water. her hands wrap around my waist. “oh we both know how much you want to rip them off.” she whispers in my ear. i watch her through the reflection of the window as her mouth, slides down my neck. “demi.” i say, more like moan. her hands slide inside my shorts, rubbing me through my undies. “please let me.” she begs, pushing my undies aside an inserting two fingers inside me. i gasp as i feel how wet i am. “well your body wants it.” she smiles against my neck. i breath heavily, gripping the edge of the counter top. she starts twirling her fingers. “demi please.” i beg. iam not sure if iam begging her to stop or to keep going. she pumps faster, lightly touching my clit with her thumb. she sucks down on my neck, causing my to moan out. her pulls her hand away, and turns me around. she has a small smirk as she falls to her knees. she grips the sides of my shorts, tugging them down my legs. i step out of them, watching as she leans forwards kissing my inner thigh. she pulls my legs apart and licks the pussy lips once causing a shiver to rush through me. my hands instantly tangle in her hair. “mmmmm.” she hums, opening my pussy so she can go deeper into me. “ahhhh fuckk.” i moan, her head goes in small circles between my legs. she grabs the back of my thigh lifting it so it rest on the island behind her. “shit !! shit!!!” i scream with the amount of pleasure she is giving me. “please dont stop please dont stop.” i moan moving my hips with her tongue. she almost laughs holding my hips still. “you taste so good!” she mutters into my open pussy, attacking it even more. i cry out, tugging on her hair a bit. “here.” she says standing up quickly, lifting me onto the counter top then going right back to my core. once her tongue reconnects to my pussy i let out a loud moan. her hands rest on my ass pushing me forward, my legs are spread out in a “V” format. she removes her tongue and replaces it with three fingers. her lips connect to mine, i allow her to slide her tongue into my mouth giving me a taste of my pussy. i moan into the kiss, wrapping my arms around her neck. sloppy wet noises and my moans fill the entire kitchen. demi smiles into our kiss, as the knot in the pit of my stomach unravels and i moan out her name. 

she pulls away letting me recover. “told you i would change your mind.” she smiles pecking my lips. “this is crazy.” i breath out. she smiles kissing me again, as much as its crazy i dont pull away from her warm, soft lips. “but you love it.” she mumbles against my lips. i smile not able to deny it. headlights flash into the living room . “might want to put your shorts back on.” she smiles picking them up and handing them to me. “and my panties?” i ask as she still holds onto them. “i like to be teased.” she smiles coming back between my legs. “and trust me there is more where this came from.” she whispers, my legs wrap around her waist. she bites on her lower lip before connecting her lips to mine. 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

hope you liked it! let me know what you think & if you wanna see a chapter two thanks for reading xxxx 


My camera put a filter on this and it took me ages to remove it (image on the right) but idk have both? 

It’s been a long time since I did portraits but I’ve been in a lot of pain lately and I just remembered how soothing I found working with pencil, so I thought I’d maybe do a little tribute to Lin Manuel, since the soundtrack to Hamilton got me through the work I had to hand in last semester. Thats where I failed my last attempt at study… it feels good to have gotten further.

@excessively-english-little-b Convinced me to put this up, I’ve been scared cause its not the best out there by far haha, but then thats not the point.

BASICALLY i’m turned on and interested at the thought of gaining weight and at other people gaining weight and i like to eat food BUT my eating disorder is still very prevalent in my life and i am not at in the state of mind or at a position in my life where i am comfortable with gaining any weight right now. i have been doing so anyways and effectively destroying my self confidence and mental health just for the sake of getting attention on the internet (as you can see, my self confidence wasn’t that good to begin with lol). so basically i have been compromising my own mental health because i felt like i needed to impress people and because i needed to keep up this gainer girl persona i created for myself. thats why i maybe often seemed sort of desperate for rapid weight gain/a feeder/a daddy, because i was just just desperately going to extremes to try to get me into the right state of mind for what i thought i wanted. so i’ll stay here and i’ll talk to people and i’ll reblog things and i’ll fantasize about gaining weight but i will not actually do so, nor will i be posting anymore pictures/videos of myself at any time in the foreseeable future. maybe one of these day’s it’ll be the right time and place for me to gain again and who knows when that will be but its not right now. now, back to regular blogging. 💖

anonymous asked:

i always assumed i had anxiety so i went to a therapist like a good noodle to help. i thought it was pretty average, maybe a little high. then the therapist drops a bomb and says i am the most anxious person she's had. like what? people aren't nervous about all this stuff? why? my whole life and perspective has been a sham.

she shouldnt have said that so im sorry about that other than that how are you liking her? if youve already thought you were anxious why are you suddenly shocked to hear you are anxious if that makes sense… like the last few things thats where anxiety thrives 

i’ve been thinking a lot. much too much. But i think i just had a really important realization. a rather, cliche one that’s true but.. i just got home from a lil hang out with my friends. ive been feeling some type of way lately and it’s really fucking me up. am i depressed? am i just feeling that weight that i used to feel on my shoulders when i was in highschool and i had no idea what was gonna come next? i don’t know. i don’t know man. BUT one thing i do know. i have NOT been myself lately. not at all. i’m lazy, moody, rude, undependable. really undependable. i just got home though and i go outside to have a cig and i’m just sitting there. it’s so fucking silent outside and the entire complex we have is completely lit up. and i’m just starting to realize how……… gone i’ve been. disconnected. it’s like i’ve been distracted for months now. something has just been so terribly off about my mindset, my morals, my attitude. maybe it’s growing up? but if this is growing up it certainly feels like growing down. i’m obsessed with love. i need to stop falling in love. constantly looking for things to add to my list of beloved not realizing i have so much fucking love on my plate. and i’m neglecting it all. for a moment when i was outside thinking about this smoking it felt like everything clicked. i found that puzzle piece i thought i needed - but instead of fitting it didn’t and in that way it pointed out the WHY not. and then my mind fogged back up. i don’t know what i’m doing. i know i always say that but…. where the fuck have i been? where has my mind been? it’s like every time i fall in love i go into autopilot. muscle memory. everything thats happened between now and then is a blur. the kind of blur you feel when you drive home and realize you didn’t even look when you were driving, you just knew how to get home. i need to turn the lights back ON. i need to find that piece of good inside of me that has disappeared. lately i’ve felt like a walking cognitive dissonance. addiction. obsession. it’s like i’ve been zoomed in forever. god i hate it. i know how i used to be. i know how wonderful i used to be able to see the world but lately it’s just darkness and fog and the wrong things. i feel myself turning into my mother and although i respect and love her more than anything i will not become that. i need to wake up. i don’t want to be a zombie anymore. i don’t want to be this cynical. i need to stop working towards people who aren’t working towards me anymore. i need to work for the people who work for me. i’m not a kid anymore. i’m sorry. 

gOD I have been feeling so shitty for the past week and like?? I dunno how long its been since I talked to any of my friends, like last night I only talked to one of my best friends, but like I still felt sad. But just…lately my intrusive thoughts have been making me feel so shit and I always feel like I don’t deserve to talk to anyone cuz im a bad person. Like I know its irrational thoughts, im aware of it, but it still makes me feel super depressed and terrible. I just want it to go away and I can feel like myself again, cuz its already been a month where I just dont feel like my normal self..
Tomorrow im gunna see a doctor at CAMH thats gunna ask about my anxiety, maybe I can bring it up with that doctor..

ASTORIA Lyric Starters
  • "Never after will suffice."
  • "It's gonna be a long year."
  • "Tell me I survive."
  • "Bite my neck while you say his/her name, I will scratch your back to forget her/his face."
  • "Ever just say 'fuck it'?"
  • "Might as well say 'fuck it'."
  • "Let's all say 'fuck it'."
  • "Is it bad enough to call it off?"
  • "I can't help but want you too."
  • "Don't say you don't miss me that much."
  • "Don't say I don't still make you blush."
  • "God, I like it rough."
  • "You got me freaking out."
  • "You should see me now."
  • "Don't you want to kiss me someday too?"
  • "Let's dance!"
  • "Tomorrow's a day away."
  • "I'm just so good at fucking up."
  • "Just come back to bed."
  • "I thought you might be here."
  • "I've been broken, but I'm better everyday."
  • "What if we could find a way to try and heal?"
  • "What if there was still a little bit of hope?"
  • "So nice to see you here."
  • "It's been, what, a half a year?"
  • "But that's not what I came for."
  • "This means war."
  • "I'm calm, I'm sure of it."
  • "You should come over."
  • "We don't have to talk of where we go from here."
  • "This last call could be all we can do for each other."
  • "We'll toast what could have been."
  • "To my dearly departed."
  • "You could say you're kind of bored with this."
  • "I don't want you leaving me now."
  • "You say I'm a mess."
  • "Or you could just shut up and kiss me."
  • "Don't say to me you should stay away from me."
  • "I don't know why I just can't get away from myself."
  • "I've been away too long."
  • "Who do you love?"
  • "I won't stay away too long."
  • "Nothing will ever change if you never choose."
  • "I never thought we would be here again."
  • "When did we both get so afraid to speak?"
  • "We just can't let this go."
  • "Maybe our future's so bright, it fucking burns like a wild
  • fire."
  • "Maybe the truth hurts so it's easier not to know."
  • "I wanna hear how your heart speaks."
  • "This should be the time of our lives."
  • "I've been so lost without you."
  • "God, I miss you."
  • "I'm here to remind you what's lost is never gone."
  • "You will forget me not."
  • "I'm not ready for what's to come."
  • "I still need you, my friend."
  • "Life's too short, but the end is long."
  • "I can't try if you won't."
  • "Please just let me go, my dear."
  • "Get up and face me."
  • "It's about fucking time now."
  • "Can you find forgiveness in a dear old friend?"
  • "This is our goodbye."
  • "I hope you know I don't blame you my dear friend."
  • "Always will love you still."
Love Me Like You Do // Young Derek Hale

REQUEST: Can you do an imagine where the reader is dating older Derek and she’s at school when Scott tells her that Derek turned to the young Derek by Kate, she runs to Stiles’ house where he is. Can you make it fluff and smut please.

Requested by: bmthxnjh 

I’m not the best at smut so I didn’t do much. But it’ll lead out to smut. P.S I made Derek remember her.


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anonymous asked:

Reyes is so put out when he can no longer flatter the Ai against Alec. Alec makes sure to let the updated SAM feel more valuable just in case now.

He tries to go to Scott for sympathy but instead gets a sneer and a glare. “What, you thought I’d agree with you? Giving a fucking AI more of your dick than me… wha tthe ufkc… the what fuck….” he’s so angry about it. And Reyes is so confused- he doesn’t understand why Scott’s so upset over, literally, flirting. Flirting with an AI to get back at his dad. Never once did he ever mean anymore than that- it’s absolutely insane to think he did.

Scott is a jealous lover.

The rest of the crew gets weirded out when Alec starts thanking and flattering SAM more. SAM never acknowledges it. Why does he keep doing it. Just in case.