so that's where my thoughts have been

what she says: im fine

what she means: ive been looking through my old stuff trying to make myself cry because i feel like crying bc theres definitely some built up emotional issue happening here but the thought of me having emotions of love and romantic gestures that i tried doing some months ago dont make me sad anymore it just makes me want to actually vomit so like i dont really know what im trying to accomplish anymore so i put on a tiara and started screaming so thats where im at


((Omg u poor thing. I’m ace as HELL and I legit work out like 5-6 hours a week so my periods have always been really light and manageable but my like big symptom is JUST RAVENOUS HUNGER. I asked my doctor about it and she said it’s normal and your daily metabolic rate goes up. This means that you burn 300-400 more calories a day by just like DOING NOTHING EXTRA because your body is like WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BABY? HUH??? HUH????????? And then of course you then burn everything off because you’re losing blood and nutrients. I thought I was just weird. TURNS OUT THATS LIKE A NORMAL THING THAT HAPPENS.



Dydia + Cangel quotes pt. 1/


My camera put a filter on this and it took me ages to remove it (image on the right) but idk have both? 

It’s been a long time since I did portraits but I’ve been in a lot of pain lately and I just remembered how soothing I found working with pencil, so I thought I’d maybe do a little tribute to Lin Manuel, since the soundtrack to Hamilton got me through the work I had to hand in last semester. Thats where I failed my last attempt at study… it feels good to have gotten further.

@excessively-english-little-b Convinced me to put this up, I’ve been scared cause its not the best out there by far haha, but then thats not the point.

Sherlock and the Facade

I was thinking a bit about Sherlock S3, and the usage of facades. This may have already been poked at but it’s something that popped into my head, so I wanted to post here for you all to hear your thoughts.

  A few of you had seen that post where someone claimed Molly Hooper moved on with a man who simply looked like Sherlock, hence her love for him is simply visual, while John went for a woman who was more like Sherlock on a deeper level, meaning his love is more true.  While I soundly thrashed that post with canon evidence, what I think is more important, is how many of the main characters’ lives had turned into something they thought they wanted, but it wasn’t quite enough.

For John, he wanted to find love and stability, his own family.  But, that alone was not enough to replace the thrills he experienced by Sherlock’s side.  He unwittingly chose a woman who displayed many of Sherlock’s own qualities to try and fill his need for adrenaline-fueled adventure.  No matter how Mary tried to hide her dark side, it was still there, and it’s part of what attracted John to her.  Contrary to what we’re seeing on the outside, the simple notion of a hum-drum, 9-5 job, married future was not quite enough for John’s life to be complete.  On the flip side, we also see the other extreme on the train, where John very, very much doesn’t want the danger in his life again.  Maybe his hum-drum life has a few perks, such as not dying.

Mary Morstan’s facade is already examined in-show.  I truly believe Mary wants her new life, more than anything.  She is the only one who is desperately trying to leave her old life behind, until she meets Sherlock.  She takes instantly to him, just like everyone else, because he offers here that brain-churning, problem-solving rush of being close to the danger.  She hides it the best out of all the main characters, but it’s just underneath the surface of normalcy we see.  Mary is also drawn to Sherlock, because she sees herself in him.  She probably understands him more than any of the other characters, save for Mycroft.  

Next is Molly Hooper.  She wants to find love and live happily ever after, with a dog, and pub friends, etc.  Or, is this truly what she wanted?  When we hear Molly talk of the man she’s engaged to, she sounds a bit half-hearted, even a little sad.  She almost seems like she’s trying to convince herself it’s what she wants while the man she truly and deeply loves stands before her.  When we’re introduced to Tom, we see quickly that he “appears” like Sherlock does in many ways.  His hair, coat, scarf, shoes, and outfit very much resemble Sherlock’s, however, that is all it is: a visage.  We see very soon that it is not enough for Molly.  Tom doesn’t have the intelligence, the charisma, the fragile-yet-deeply-caring heart, and even then contemplative quiet which she loves in Sherlock. She too has a facade being shown to us in S3, just like John.  For Molly, her facade is shown the clearest, out in plain sight via a dressed up mannequin standing in for her real feelings. A walking cut-out. 

Lastly, is Sherlock himself.  This one is very complicated, as we’re not quite sure which facade we’re seeing from him.  Is this new, softer Sherlock, who is spending quality time with friends and family the real Sherlock?  Is this who was hidden from us in S1 and 2?  Or, is this new Sherlock the facade?  Is the dark, cold, machine-like and detached man from S1 and 2 the real man?  Are we seeing S3 Sherlock cracking so badly because he was trying to live a life that appeared ‘normal’ on the outside?  Or are we seeing him crack because he’s too terrified of this version of himself that is real, hence his return to coldness in His Last Vow?

Season 3 of Sherlock is really all about how none of the characters’ lives are exactly what they seem.  Their desires, their true selves, are much, much more complex than what they appear to be.  On one side is the true person, and on the other is who they think others want them to be.  Which one is real, which one is fake…or does happiness lie in the middle somewhere?  Can there really be a middle ground with Sherlock, and for those who love him, or is it all or nothing?  Can each of the characters handle the ‘all’?  We’ve already seen they can’t handle the ‘nothing’, any of them, and all of them.

In closing, I think it’s incredibly interesting in HLV, when Mary shoots the coin to show Sherlock her skills.  Her words after she shoots it have a lot more meaning when you think about the overarching theme of S3.  She shoots the coin, which has two sides.  When Sherlock examines it, he says “You didn’t hit the middle.”  She replies, “Nobody’s perfect.”  Mary and Sherlock are essentially both trying to hit the middle, and missing, as are John and Molly.

all that i want at the end of the day is to encourage people to think critically about why they might dislike one female artist but then like another male who employs very similar musical and lyrical styles. 

because thats the thing about learned, internalized misogyny. its insidious. it seems like nothing at all, it disguises itself as personal preference- and sure, sometimes it is. but sometimes when you sit back and really think critically about it and analyze why exactly you feel that way, you come to realize that what you thought was a personal preference was hugely influence by the misogyny that we learn at a young age.

its happened to me a lot. there have been so many times in my life where i have had to sit back and really think and analyze why i like or dislike something, and it sure as hell isn’t easy to realize that something you thought was your own choice and preference was actually a result of learned racism or misogyny. it is hard as hell to unlearn. 

but its a really fucking important thing to do, and you’re going to grow as a person because of it.