so that was depressing

Undertale (and AU) Characters as Things I've Said/Thought
  • Asriel: Hello Kitty can be punk rock.
  • Also Asriel: *while drinking a Capri Sun* I can be hardcore if I want!
  • Flowey: Why is it socially unacceptable to laugh like a psychopath?
  • Omega Flowey: Yeah so basically I'm practically god.
  • God of Hyperdeath: Time to play "How Long Can I Ignore my Emotions"!
  • Frisk: What the fuck I wanted happy friendship time not this.
  • Chara: This is why I'm going to hell.
  • Toriel: Take a fucking nap, babe.
  • Also Toriel: I'm adopting her. She's my daughter now.
  • Underfell Toriel: Hello naughty children time for death.
  • Asgore: Tea makes me feel warm and cozy inside.
  • Undyne: I wanna be buff enough to intimidate men and to attract women.
  • Underswap Undyne: I am too gay and beautiful to participate in gym class.
  • Underfell Undyne: Apparently, choking people who hurt my loved ones is "unorthodox" and "illegal".
  • Swapfell Undyne: If a mad scientist turned me into a grotesque sea creature monster I'd thank them with tears in my eyes because now I can be the shambling water husk I was born to be.
  • Alphys: Yes I'm smart but why at the cost of my mental stability?
  • Underswap Alphys: I am small but I am willing to punch someone.
  • Underfell Alphys: Why isn't "mad scientist" a viable career option?
  • Swapfell Alphys: Unfortunately, I was too short to strangle him. But if I could've reached...
  • Sans: The skeleton looks like it's judging us.
  • Also Sans: Wow. That looks like a lot of work. Good thing I'm not doing any of it.
  • Underswap Sans: I wanted to do something for all of my friends! It would've been easy, because the number of friends I have is... actually... rather small. Oh.
  • Underfell Sans: Woah, turn down the edge, bro.
  • Papyrus: I can't just leave this puzzle unfinished are you a madman?
  • Underswap Papyrus: Idk bro. I'm just, like, chilling.
  • Underfell Papyrus: I'm the only qualified person here to be the boss.
  • Mettaton: You were born without music in your heart and dance in your veins and frankly I pity you.
  • Underfell Mettaton: God I love this gel pen. It's pink. And glittery! And I could stab someone with it!
  • Napstablook: Ghosts are pretty sweet. Undead and shit. I'd be a ghost.
  • Underfell Napstablook: I'm haunting all y'all motherfuckers when I die.
  • Muffet: I mean... I guess some money would be pretty neat.
  • Underswap Muffet: Not even the rowdy boys down the street wanted to buy my cupcakes. I don't blame them they were nasty as shit. And green. Why were they green?
  • Underfell Muffet: Aww that's a cute little spider! Look at you go- ew don't fucking touch me do you crave death?
  • Gaster: If you'll excuse me, I'm off to the void.
  • Also Gaster: Beautiful doctors are ANESTHETIC. Haha! That was a joke. You can laugh. Y-you go the joke though, right?
  • Annoying Dog: Sick ass dog bro.
  • Monster Kid: I can pick stuff up with my feet!
  • So Sorry: My art skills are like a pantry stocked with food. Unfortunately, all the food is expired and spoiled.
  • Temmie: Damn, that could've paid for my college tuition.

I understand the merit of Shakespeare not making Richard III a dad because he’s the least Dadly person ever and in fact kills children but please consider:

  • Him showing up at court with his newborn infant and being like “LOOK. LOOK AT MY PERFECTLY NON-DEFORMED HUMAN CHILD. LOOK AT HIM HE’S PERFECT AND YOU’RE ALL JEALOUS” before being removed from court
  • Being like “I named him after my brother. My only beloved brother” in front of George purely for the sake of pissing George off
  • (Made better by the fact that George also named his firstborn son Edward so I guess we all know who the favorite brother in the family is)
  • (Edward also named his son Edward)
  • Just generally being really obnoxious about the fact that he has a kid and his kid is beautiful
  • explaining his Evil Schemes™ to his toddler son (he stops when Ned gets old enough to repeat what he hears)
  • Promising he’ll make Ned a king one day, he swears
What sucks is to watch yourself slowly fall back into old habits that you’ve tried a million times to break. It’s like every time I find myself climbing out of this deep hole, I slip right back in. Why am I such a failure?