listen as someone with ptsd its so fuckin important to me that keshas new album focuses on moving on and forgiving /yourself/, but not forgiving your abuser
theres so much out there thats like ‘forgive everyone!! you can never be happy until you learn to forgive those who did you wrong!!’ and ?? cant relate to that at all?? so its so so important to me that someone who also suffered through trauma has stood up and essentially said: ‘no. you dont have to forgive them. some things cannot be forgiven. whats important is learning to love yourself and move on and be happy’
kesha is learning to love herself and working through her own struggles and trying to help others do the same and i didnt think my heart could be so full of love for one person but here we are thank you kesha
it all began when taylor nation followed me on tumblr on october 11th. they then messaged me on tumblr on saturday night. i’m not going to go into detail about the message because it’s *confidential*. 👀 they then called me the next day and told me i was invited to a secret event in nashville and asked if i’d like to attend, i wasn’t sure if i’d be able to make it on such short notice but my mom told me accept the invite and that we’d figure a way to get there. we dropped everything and started driving to nashville on tuesday morning and got to nashville on wednesday.
i arrived to the secret location and got checked in and met so many people including bree!! it was honestly so surreal and everything felt FAKE. we got onto the bus and the driver drove us to taylor’s parents house and we could see TAYLOR’S HAND THROUGH THE BLINDS TAKING PICTURES OF THE BUS ARRIVING. I HONESTLY WAS SO SHOOK.
we then went into the pool area and ate food and i got to talk to a bunch of amazing people. THEN TAYLOR’S PARENTS CAME OUT. i got to talk to them but i obviously can’t talk about what they said because that’s *confidential* 👀 but let’s just say, THEY KNEW WHO I WAS.
i then had to use the bathroom so the security let me inside the house to use the bathroom and when i came out taylor’s entire team was waiting for me, they told me to wait and one of them was like “niko, this is going to be very exciting” AND MY POOR LITTLE HEART STARTED BEATING SO FAST. they then took me into the room where the secret session was going to be held and told me that i could CHOOSE WHEREVER I WANTED TO SIT BEFORE THEY LET ANYONE IN THE HOUSE. i obviously picked the floor pillows that was TWO INCHES AWAY FROM THE CHAIR TAYLOR WOULD BE SITTING IN.
everyone then came in the room and sat on the floor cushions. we had to wait about 20 minutes before TAYLOR SWIFT WALKED IN THE ROOM WITH ABIGAIL. i didn’t get to hear what she said as she walked in because everyone was screaming, including myself. she looked so GENUINELY HAPPY AND EXCITED. she then pointed to abigail and said “SHE JUST GOT MARRIED” and abigail started flaunting her ring. IT WAS LITERALLY SO ICONIC.
taylor then walked to her chair and sat down and instantly locked her EYES ON ME. SHE HAD THE BIGGEST SMILE ON HER FACE AND SAID “oh, hi there niko!!!” AND PUT HER HAND OUT SO SHE COULD HOLD MY HAND. YOUR BOY WAS VERY SHOOK.
she then started playing the album but that’s all *CONFIDENTIAL* 👀
taylor literally talked to me during the actual secret session. she kept grabbing my hands and dancing with me. *shook*
before she played LWYMMD she told us all to GET UP and DANCE WITH HER. as soon as i got up TAYLOR LITERALLY GRABBED MY WATER BOTTLE AND THREW IT ON HER CHAIR AND GRABBED MY HANDS AND STARTED DANCING WITH ME WHILE SCREAMING THE SONG IN MY FACE. SHE EVEN MADE ME TWIRL HER. BEST DANCE OF MY LIFE.
((the album is so good btw y’all are going to be wigless on november 10th))
once the album was over we all got in line to meet her and someone from taylor nation called my name and two other people because SHE WANTED TO MEET US IMMEDIATELY.
as i walked down the stairs taylor has the biggest smile on her face and opened her arms and said “NIKO!!!” and she HUGGED ME. she then hugged my mom and started telling my mom how i’m the sweetest person in this fandom and how everyone loves me and i’m the peace keeper. she even said i was the key to this community. (it took everything in me not to ugly cry in front of her)
she then looked at me and complimented my outfit by saying “YOU LOOK SO SHARP” and i thanked her and said “really? i picked out this outfit last minute!”
i then told her how much i loved the new album and at one point of the conversation i started chanting “GRAMMYS GRAMMYS GRAMMYS” and she started jumping up and down laughing and said “YEAHHHHH!!!” and then gave me a high five. (best high five i’ve ever received)
i was then able to tell her how i was born profoundly deaf and how grateful i am to hear her music and she was holding my hands the entire time while looking directly into my eyes. she looked so caring and loving.
i also thanked her for giving us a platform to make friends. i told her that i don’t have any friends but because of her i was able to meet my two best friends, kylee and makenna aka @justreputatixn and @this-luv
she was like “what are you talking about you have no friends??? EVERYONE LOVES YOU” and then i was like “OK BUT I DON’T HAVE REAL LIFE FRIENDS” and then she just hugged me so tightly. my mom then chimed in and told her how me, kylee and makenna met and went to see ed at the divide tour and she just smiled and said “good kids, good kids” she then told me to say hi to kylee and makenna for her and i told her she should definitely follow them on tumblr and she said she would once she stalked me. a WOMAN™
she then asked what poses i wanted to do and i asked for just a hugging picture and one with my mom. we took our picture and i asked if i could hold the grammy in the picture with my mom and she said “wouldn’t you rather hold a moonman? this is the one that got stolen” and she started laughing and my mouth literally DROPPED. so i obviously took that one while my mom took the grammy.
i then turned to her and was like “ok. you need to perform all you had to do was stay in houston because i’m still mad that you cut it off the setlist” and she started laughing and said “I ALWAYS SEE YOU BEING MAD AT ME FOR THAT” AND WE BOTH STARTED LAUGHING. THEN SHE GRABBED MY FACE AND SAID “NIKO YOU’RE SO CUTE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. WHY AREN’T WE BEST FRIENDS?” THEN I WAS LIKE “MAKE IT HAPPEN.” so, if taylor performs it in houston, y’all know who to thank.
i then hugged her again and told her that i loved her so much and it was honestly the best hug ever.
as i started getting ready to leave, i said “don’t become a stranger. i’ll see you on the internet” then she did something that i can’t mention yet because it’s *confidential* 👀
i then got in the bus and i was so very shook. i got to sit across from bree and we talked about what had just happened and we were both in shock about everything that just had happened.
i then went back to my hotel and ate mcdonald’s and fell asleep with the biggest smile on my face. ❤️🍔🍟❤️
i have never felt so special in my life and i honestly cannot thank taylor enough for inviting me to her parents house so i could listen to her album 15 days early and for being so amazing and kindhearted towards me. i will NEVER forget these memories.
Been in with Julian, coming out with some good stuff so, very happy with that. Chillin out for the weekend and back at it again on Monday. Some good stuff going on. So yeah I think I’m just gonna keep writing for a while. Feel like at the moment I’m writing some nice stuff and there’s some good songs coming out the sessions, so it’s obviously a bonus, so the longer I keep doin’ that, more good tunes I’ll have and it will be harder to pick for the album.
I don’t even know where to begin, if you had said to me last month I was going to meet Taylor Swift in October I would of called you crazy 😂 I just can’t believe this photo actually exists, I’m so grateful to have been invited to the secret session it was seriously the best night of my life and I will always cherish it 💛 I finally got to meet my idol, the person I have looked up to since 2008, she was exactly as I knew she would be, kind, humble, funny, generous, gorgeous and so much more 💖. She was so kind to me and instantly recognised me as soon as I walked through the door “Morgennnn I’m so glad you could make it” I will never forget those words, I never thought she actually knew who Is was but Taylor proved me wrong ☺️. She also told me she always associates me with the flower crown filter which I died when she told me as all my friends of hers call me “flower king” because of that 😂 I fell in love with her in 2008 and met her in 2017. Last month I was in a dark place, I had my first heartbreak I felt so lost and depressed for a long time but as soon as I received that message from Taylor Nation everything changed. Someone once told me that with every low comes a high and this is definitely that because I have never felt this happy in my life and will never stop thinking about it😊
Taylor thank you so much for inviting me into your home( which is beautiful btw) to hangout with you for a night and listen to Reputation early, which I am gonna say again is the best album you have created you have put your heart and soul into this album and just looked so happy when listening to it with us and just throughout the whole night, I’m just so happy for you ♥️ I cannot wait for everyone to hear Reputation and also can’t wait for you to win album of the year for the third time when the Grammys come around 😌 it’s gonna happen and I am so ready for it! And finally thank you so much for the friendships I have made from the Secret Sessions, I finally got to meet @ethereal-swiftness and @taylorsparklingswift who i had been friends with before the event, it was such a great surprise to see them and to freak out together throughout the whole night with 😄
Also I’m sorry for kinda freezing like a statue when meeting I was so awkward and just overwhelmed that all the thing I wanted to say to you I forgot to speak to you about and I didn’t even ask for a picture with just me and you which I kinda best myself up about as they were personal things I wanted to thank you for but I’m gonna make a post with all those things so please if it made by the fine you read this look on my blog for it it would mean so much to me if you knew.
Thank you so much again Taylor for everything. I love you so much Taylor it was truly enchanting to meet you, the memories of October 13 will stay with me forever, see you on tour!
Happy 30th Birthday Brendon Boyd Urie!! You don’t know how much I love you and support you. You helped me so much throughout the years. You inspired so many people and helped them out through tough times. You are one of the people that inspired me to continue playing my instruments and introduced me to amazing music. Just you smiling can make everyone’s day. I’m so fucking proud of you for writing an album that got nominated for a Grammy, I’m happy that you are achieving your dreams like going on broadway. Thank you for continuing Panic! At the Disco. I just wish for you to have a beautiful day and thank you for everything ❤ I love you
People say you meet Taylor when you need it the most and that happened to me. Taylor- I can’t thank you enough for the most wonderful night of my life. Thank you for inviting me!! I was so shocked on Tuesday when i found out I was going. I honestly never thought you’d actually know who I am and want to meet me. Seriously that meant the world to me. I had the best time, meeting so many amazing people including @couldbtrusted and @taysnevergonnariskit ❤️ thank you for bringing us together!! We all love you so much and we were so so happy to be together and to be able to meet you. It was so amazing to hear your BEAUTIFUL new album and see how happy you are. You have no idea just how grateful I am to have you in my life. You make me the happiest person❤️ you are so wonderful and beautiful and I love you so much, I don’t know where I’d be without you.💗💖❤️💗💜💙💕💘💚
me: taylor swift’s sixth studio album comes out in less than four weeks and that’s what’s getting me out of bed in the morning but it’s also a very terrifying time because at any given moment i have no idea what taylor could be up to and absolutely anything could happen at all hours of the day so i’m constantly on the edge of my seat waiting to go into cardiac arrest like literally i can’t remember the last time i felt relaxed but i LOVE it so it’s fine like don’t worry i’m so happy but also i don’t know ANYTHING about the tracklist so i’m not sure what to expect which is
Last night Taylor invited me to her house in London where she played the whole reputation album which isn’t out for another month. We danced, we laughed, we cried. I’ve never seen Taylor looking so happy and she told me that I was the last person to get chosen and she told her management to get in contact with me because she just had to have me there. I’m so grateful, this is Taylor’s best album and get ready because you won’t be prepared. Also, Taylor gave us merch and I’m so happy😭
When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will come to you✨
I can’t believe my dream came true in the best way possible. Taylor, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for trusting me enough to invite me to your mom’s house to listen to your new album and hug you. I never would’ve even dreamed something this amazing would happen to me. There are so many things I wanted to say to you!! I wasn’t sure if you knew, but I’m the one with the little blue Swiftie car from Florida with the Rep promo on the back window! And I really wanted to tell you how my mom travels everywhere with me to see you and she loves you so much. She’s been to 10 shows with me (I’ve seen you 18 times total!) and she dressed up in costumes for all of them!! Also another very important thing I wanted to tell you…YOU’RE HAIR!!! IS INCREDIBLE!!! I LOVE!!! YOUR CURLY HAIR!!!! SOOOO!!! MUCH!!!
What gets me the most emotional about being at the secret session was witnessing your pure, genuine happiness for your life and your album. It warmed my heart to know you’re so happy. You spoke to us like we were all friends hanging out and you were just telling us stories and explaining the inspiration behind the songs, and I just felt so honored you wanted me there for that. I can’t say thank you enough. I love you so much, Taylor. I’m so proud of you.
that was hands down the best interview ever???? i’m so glad that he got to do his first interview with grimmy like they were both so comfortable and the interview was very casual and it was so amazing to hear harry just talking about his life and family and making jokes and giggling and he was so happy!!! and it was two hours but it didn’t feel like super long or anything??? it was so entertaining and engaging and he just came across as so humble and hilarious and down to earth and i’m just!!! this was so brilliant and i can’t wait for them to do it again when the album comes out and just more than anything it was so harry and i’m so glad for the world to see him for the beautiful soul that he is :’)
2. Taeyong says that he helped the members take a lot of the polaroids, and directed many of the poses. It was interesting, Haechan’s and Mark’s turned out best. [kHealingsmile]
3. Haechan talked about change of roommate from Mark to Doyoung, Haechan says that when he roomed with Mark it felt as if they don’t sleep in the same room but when rooming with Doyoung he is really like an older brother roommate. [kHealingsmile]
4. Mark’s favorite lyric in Cherry Bomb is 박수 (click to watch the part!), coupled with a drawing [yekitrbl]
5. Yuta’s aim for this comeback is to get a win on a music show & Taeil is glad that they are still charting [kHealingsmile].
6. Taeil says that the digital ranking for Cherry Bomb was at risk and ranked 99 once and almost fell out of ranking, he checks the ranking once every hour. Though Taeil sounds like he was joking around, please work hard to stream the song! [nct_jh_214]
7. Doyoung will stream Cherry Bomb digitally every night with his phone in silent mode and told the members to do it too. He said the digital ranking is not important even if the fans don’t stream he will still do it so it’s okay hahaha [kHealingsmile]
8. About not accepting gifts, Taeyong says that they have thought about it for a week with the members, they are thankful that fans buys albums already and they would feel bad if they receive so many gifts from fans. Taeil says do not spend money on them, please understand their decision. [0_0nct] Doyoung says that they are people who sing and dance so just watch them will do, gifts are appreciated but they feel that they shouldn’t accept them. [kHealingsmile]
9. Yuta is happy that they didn’t fall out of the digital charts this time, Yuta made hand gestures showing the fluctuation of rankings. Jaehyun mentions that the song rises up in the charts at night [kHealingsmile]
10. Johnny was asked if there’s anyone in NCT worthy of taking over Nax3 as DJ. Johnny says anyone’s fine, but if he has to choose one it would be Doyoung. Jaehyun,’No one at all!” [D0L0V2]
11. OP asked Taeyong why did he try to kiss Mark at the end of Music Bank. Taeyong replies,”I always try to kiss him!” [nct_jh_214]
12. OP asked if it’s okay to draw a heart on the photocard, Haechan drew it for her. OP says that members of NCT DREAM have been growing well, how about Haechannie. Haechan,”That’s… In comparison, Jisung has grown A LOT taller” [j_yunoh]
13. OP says that Haechan is so pretty she thought he’s an angel. Haechan replied,”Not if I’m standing with Taeyong hyung~” OP replied,”If you are standing at the corridor even the ants will stop for you. Let’s work hard~” Haechan says thank you and even winked at her 😆 [moontell_]
You strolled around your house, cleaning and picking up things while dancing to your playlist. Today was a solo day so you decided to clean up. While picking up random things on the floor, you almost trip over a small clump. You look down and recognize it as one of Jungkook’s hoodies he must’ve forgotten here. Picking it up, a whiff of Jungkook’s scent hit you. Not even thinking about it, you pulled it over your head; it fit big on you. You smile contently and continue to your tasks. Halfway into organizing your food cabinet, there was a knock at your door. “Coming!” you yell. Setting down a can of fruit, you jog to the door and open it. “Hey,” Taehyung says, smiling and entering your flat. You smile and greet him back. “Why does your place not look like a garbage dump like usual?” You laugh, slapping his shoulder. “Shut up. I decided to clean.” He nods and goes to enter your kitchen but stops, turning around. “Isn’t that Jungkook’s hoodie?” Your face feels hot but you nod shyly. “Oh. Well, you look cute.” Taehyung walks off and leaves you a blushing mess. Why did his compliments still get to you? And why were you embarrassed about being caught wearing Kook’s hoodie? He was just a close friend. “Did you come to eat my food or what?” Tae laughs and shakes his head. “I came to take you out to eat. You down?” You nod and leave to go change into go out clothes. You keep the hoodie and just slip on a pair of jeans. Grabbing the brush, you comb out your tangled hair and fix it up. “I’m ready,”
You sat across from Taehyung, scanning the menu in front of you. A burger seemed good right now. “Are we ready to order?” the waiter asks. The both of you nod and tell him your orders. “So, how’ve you been?” You smile and shrug. “Fine, I guess. Jungkook recently got me that EXO album I’ve been wanting, so I’m happy about that.” Tae raises his eyebrows. “He did?” You nod, sighing contently. “I don’t want him buying me things like that, but it was EXO so I couldn’t refuse.” He laughs at you, eyes crinkling up in the cutest way. “What a fangirl.” You playfully glare at him with a pout. “Oh shut up you art hoe.” He smirks at you, most likely having a comeback. “At least I like modern things like art.” You also smirk. “EXO is art.” He lets out a playful scream. “Shut up.” You laugh at him, calming yourself down after a good few seconds. Your banter must’ve been loud because a little 8 year old came up to you with a cheeky grin. “Aw, you two are cute! Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?” You choke on your spit but shake your head as you hit your chest. “Just friends.” you reply. She nods, her mouth in an O shape. “Do you at least like each other?” Inside, you wince but you just smile it off while kindly denying it. “I don’t really like anyone in a like like kind of way.” Tae turns to you. “You sure?” You nod, raising an eyebrow. Did it seem like you had a crush on someone? “Wait, who’d you think I had a crush on?” Tae shakes his head, grinning. He seemed a lot happier all of a sudden. “Sana, leave them alone and come back here!” The little girl who was named Sana giggles and waves before skipping back to her mom. You smile, “cute.” Taehyung nods. Time must’ve went by quickly because the waiter headed towards you with your food. You thank him when he sets it all down, beginning to open your mouth to take a bite. “Why aren’t you with Jungkook today?” Taehyung asks you. “He’s on a night out with his family. Otherwise he’d probably be at my house playing Overwatch while I clean or something.” You giggle at the thought, biting your burger. “So would you deny me if you were hanging with Jungkook?” You shake your head. “Of course not, you’re my friend too. What’s with these questions?”
“I don’t know, just curious.”
Once done eating, you paid and headed elsewhere. “Where’s the gucci store?” Taehyung asks. “Stop wasting your money on gucci, buy some other brand.” He looks at you with a serious face. “No.” You burst out laughing, eventually making him laugh too. Your phone starts ringing, meaning you had a call. You pick it up, not caring enough to check who it was. “Hello-” “I’M FREE, WHERE ARE YOU SO WE CAN HANGOUT?” You immediately knew it was Jungkook. “Oh hi. Uh, I’m with Tae, in the shopping area downtown.” you answer. “Ok, I’m heading there now.” You nod to yourself. “Bye. I love you.” You’d say it back without hesitation, but Taehyung was next to you and most likely listening. With hot cheeks, you murmur it back. “I love you too..” You hang up and put your phone away. “Was that Jungkook?” You nod, covering your face. “Be honest with me, do you like him or not? You get flustered whenever he’s mentioned.” Your mind goes blank and you blink, thinking. Did you? You don’t know. “I don’t know.” Tae gives you a glare. “Just tell me, I need to be sure.” You furrow your eyebrows. “Why?” He freezes and his cheeks go pink. “Uh I-” You interrupt him before he made up an excuse. “Just tell me.”
“Do you like Jungkook or not?” You roll your eyes. “No, I don’t.” As you said that, your stomach felt weird, almost as if it was telling you you were lying. You ignored it though. “Ok..The truth is, Y/N, that I- I uh..like? You? A lot?” Your heart felt like it frozen. Your eyes were wide and you were frozen. Did he just say what you thought he said? “Say that again?” you ask. “I-” Taehyung breathes in and out before continuing. “I like you.” he says it, but doesn’t face you. His eyes looked everywhere but at you. You were going to speak but a familiar voice interrupted you. “You what?”
»woo..this is short but I wanted to update. this series is almost coming to an end ahhh. the amount of support I got in just 3-4 days is unbelievable ❤️thank u thank u thank u«