so relevant for me right now

Throwback to the 2nd ever MM fanart I did with this…because I find it highly relevant right now.

Dean and self worth in season 12

I was going to write a post about Cas as the unrequited lover this season but I ended up really focusing on Dean and his view of himself. It’s quite clear that Dean reciprocates the romantic feelings but is holding back. My perception is that its due to 3 main reasons (and I’m sure a whole bunch of others but lets stick to these).

1. Cas is an angel

2. Cas is a dude

3. Dean has poor self worth

I think the first subject is nearly a moot point as its pretty clear where Cas’s arc is going. The second has been discussed so many times I don’t want to insult anyone by repeating what much more coherent people have said. The third though I think has been less touched on in it’s relevance to this new season so here are my little thoughts.

Regarding his own self worth this has been an issue for Dean since the pilot…

Just a few moments to remind us:

Dean 9x10:
“Come on, man. Can’t you see? I’m… I’m poison, Sam. People get close to me, they get killed or worse.  You know, I tell myself that I I help more people than I hurt. And I tell myself that I’m – I’m doing it all for the right reasons, and I believe that. But I can’t, I won’t drag anybody through the muck with me. Not anymore.”

And…

Originally posted by celizabethi

Now unfortunately Cas actually makes this sense of self worth even worse as clearly since their first real defining moment, when Cas defied HEAVEN for him “I did it all for YOU”, Dean has felt the weight of all that happened to Cas since. That’s why Cas’s words in 12x12 made him clam up, tense, look away. “The things we’ve shared together, they have changed me”. it isn’t what Cas meant but Dean can’t help but take on yet more guilt in Cas’s dying moments. 

Originally posted by jensen-jay

Especially if HE might be to blame as Cas’s “human weakness”…

Originally posted by super-sootica

As is a continuous theme from other Angels…

Originally posted by missmegrose

As he sees Cas changing over time he therefore can’t help but blame himself. And unfortunately most of the changes haven’t been for the best.

Remember that scene with Kevin from 7x21:

“Cause the angels – they don’t care. I think maybe they just don’t have the equipment to care. Seems like when they try, it just… breaks them apart.”


Now in Season 12

Originally posted by justjensenanddean

Dean tells Mary that :  

“Saving people, hunting things, this is our life. I think we make the world a better place, I KNOW that we do”.

Now that is a big step forwards to his self worth. 

He’s also upset with Mary in the later episodes BECAUSE HE FEELS HE AND SAM DESERVE BETTER! If he didn’t have self worth he wouldn’t care so much.

Now, regarding Cas, he is less and less angelic and more human, and Dean is noticing this. Cas keeps refuting the angels and has now said himself that he considers the Winchesters his family. He is definitely becoming more human. He’s hunting, driving a car, feeling emotions and now finally feeling like part of the family.  Yes, he also has been more broken, but he is definitely getting better now that the boys have both been supportive in recent times. Just the sniping back at Dean in 12x12 is again, similarly to Dean’s reaction to Mary, showing that CAS has more self worth and will stand up for himself.

Originally posted by bringmepieassbutt

In Summary…

1. If only Cas were human…. *cough* probably not going to be an issue forever.

2. If only performing!Dean were having some deconstruction and he didn’t feel the need to keep the front up re: bisexuality. I mean, the whole point of 12x11 was about deconstructing for the audience performing!Dean, what’s the point if not to continue this theme in the narrative.

3. If only Dean thought he deserved to be loved (its not surprising how when you look into it Crowley has some really good relevance to Dean’s internal struggles…). This seems to be an overriding theme of season 12 / Mary’s arc.

Originally posted by sooper-dee-dooper-natural

Well, all I can say is all these things seem to be being addressed in season 12  :)

youtube

Liking ‘PROBLEMATIC’ shows is not evil (aka don’t use ‘activism’ as an excuse to be cruel)

Posting this one to Tumblr because this is where I see a lot of this happening. Critique of media is healthy. Bullying those who enjoy ‘problematic’ shows is NOT. Education and compassion are the key. 

My YouTube Channel

the way that biologists pretend that plants don’t exist as a relevant biological system is so strange to me?

like plant biology is it’s own completely separate field from mainstream biology and you’ll be hard pressed to find a plant biologist in a general biology department but like plants are everywhere? and also actually very important to human civilization unlike, say, c. elegans or whatever weird invertebrate we’ve collectively decided is the next big model system

like you can’t convince me that one of the (many) reasons my bitter biology mom barbara mcclintock was ignored for so long was the fact that she worked in corn and people were like ‘well whatever she found, these so called “””transposons””” or whatever, aren’t actually relevant because like, who gives a shit about plants, am i right? now lets get back to counting the number of cells in this worm boys’

anyways plants are great and we should respect plant biologists more probably

Out of Context D&D Quote Starters:

Source

  • “EXCUSE YOU, I AM A HOT FAIRY.”
  • “I’ll kick a tree’s ass.”
  • “You should seduce the boat!”
  • “I killed a man today. In space. On a dragon. With a shovel.”
  • “Can I have flaming pistols?”
  • “No, you may not make a human centipede out of your army of 50 children.”
  • “Can I pay them money not to come near me?”
  • “I’m pretty sure fish don’t accept money.”
  • “I don’t know what we need to bleed on.”
  • “Let’s bleed on everything, just to be safe.”
  • “I’m going to go out on a limb and say we’re not going to solve this problem by bleeding on it.”
  • “Your ass is not a weapon you are proficient with.”
  • “That is the only dwarf ass I’m going to draw for you today.”
  • “Oh shit, I forgot the princess.”
  • “Did you just pull a gun out of your hair?”
  • “Who just carries spiders around in their pockets?!”
  • “He fought like he lived… Full of spears.”
  • “Ok, so there’s a lot of teeth in this water.”
  • “I’m not sure how to split a throne evenly. We all have a sitting schedule?”
  • “How many noses are going into this chicken?”
  • “We just turned a ritualistic orphan sacrifice chamber into a nightclub.”
  • “You started a cult!?”
  • “We need to give this guy a proper burial. After we loot his body. And take his teeth.”
  • “Yeah, he’s a ghost now. But I can punch ghosts, so it’s fine.”
  • “Have you ever seen a dragon choke on one hundred and thirty five orphans? Because you’re about to.”
  • “I can be responsible for my own severed leg, thank you.”
  • “Look, if I’m going to be a part of this Badger Cult, I expect career options!”
  • “I can’t believe you just pre-battle blazed it.”
  • “You lose the moral high ground after the second murder.”
  •  “I am literally dying for your sins right now! Do not fuck this up for me!”
  • “Summon the monkeys! They will be relevant!”
  • “What happens if you die in Hell?” “Double Hell.”
  • “Long term goal: we put your corpse on the airship.”
  • “Does it still count as ‘evil’ if I feel really bad about it?”
  • “Everyone is ambidextrous until proven otherwise.”
  • “You blew up the sun!”
  • “Hold my record player, I’m going in.”
  • “I have never tried to stab you in a combat situation!”
  • “Want to use my knife? It’s only been used for our own ritual blood-letting.”
  • “I’m not sure we can even beat a log right now. We must negotiate with it.”

anonymous asked:

I’m the anon who requested the rainy day kisses and you totally delivered the goods. :D Thank you!! I hope it’s okay that I send in another request because I really enjoy your scenarios. ^^ For the chocobros: post-game happy AU where everyone has a family and the bro has a heart-to-heart with their teenaged kid (for this request: a daughter for Gladio & Iggy, son for Prompto & Noct) who asked the bro about the moment they knew their s/o was ‘the one’. Thanks!

NOCTIS

Noctis walked into the training arena, watching his son warping from one end of the room to the other. He stood by the doorway, watching as Ferox panted, dropping his dagger to the ground with his hands on his knees.

“Giving up already?” Noctis called, and Ferox rose to his full height. At thirteen, he was almost as tall as his dad, stretching his back and allowing it to crack loudly before loosening up his shoulders.

“Mom said I should take combat training more seriously.”

Noctis snorted. “Sounds like something she would say.”

Ferox tried warping a few more times under his father’s supervision, but eventually gave up, collapsing in a heap on the ground with his arms and legs splayed out like a drunken starfish.

“This is too hard,” Ferox groaned, pinching his eyes shut. “I don’t get why she’s being so strict with me about this warping thing.”

Noctis came to sit down beside his son, nudging him until he sat upright. “Your mother has been through a lot in her past. She’s lost a lot of people, had to make sacrifices to save others. Warping is something that only those tied to the King’s magic can do. She knows that mastering it will keep you safe in the long run, so trust her on that.”

Ferox leaned his elbow on his knee, propping his chin up with his fist. “Is that how you met?” he asked.

Noctis shoved him lightly with his shoulder. “Maybe.” He sighed, remembering the day. “We’d met on the road one day. Magitek troopers had invaded the outpost we were visiting, and me and the guys decided to try and fight them off. But we were tired, careless. It had been a really long day. But then your mother came swooped in and basically took them all down single-handedly.”

Ferox’s mouth gaped. “Woah.”

Noctis nodded. “Yep. I knew then and there, as the dust settled, that I was in love with her.” He patted his son’s knee. “Enough resting. Wanna try again?”

“I guess I should,” Ferox conceded, rising to his feet. “Do you think Mom’ll spar with me if I ask her?”

“Hey,” Noctis teased, grabbing a pair of wooden swords from a bin. “You too good to spar with your old man?”

“You just said Mom was a better fighter,” Ferox countered, and yelped as Noctis took a playful whack at his shin.


PROMPTO

Solis was lounging on the couch, flipping through old photo albums. He had found one that was labelled with pictures from a little over twenty years ago. He blew his unruly blond hair, a feature he’d gotten from his father, out of his eyes as he opened the pages and scanned over the images.

The photos in the album were varied. Some were of scenery, some were taken during combat (Why, Dad. That’s definitely not a smart thing to do), and there were quite a few selfies that made Solis chuckle.

“Whatcha laughin’ at?” His father’s voice made him jump as Prompto sauntered into the room and plopped down next to his son.

“Just looking at old photos,” Solis shrugged, flipping to another page. “Oh, hey, look…it’s Mom.”

Solis saw his dad’s face soften as he looked at the photo of the two of you. It was one that Prompto hadn’t taken himself—it was a candid shot Noctis had snapped of you at the Vesperpool by the water. It was right around the time you’d met, and you were standing too close together to be just friends. Prompto thought back to that moment, and chuckled to himself.

“Whatcha laughin’ at?” Solis mimicked, causing Prompto to burst into a fit of giggles. Even at sixteen, Solis was the spitting image of his father. Same hair colour, same lanky build. But he had your eyes and your smile, which were Prompto’s favourite features.

“Just thinking about the moment I knew I wanted to marry your mom.”

Solis scrunched up his nose. “Dad, I don’t know if I want to hear that story.”

“Guess who’s gonna hear it anyway?” Prompto tousled Solis’ hair, much to his chagrin.

“Dad! I’m not five anymore!” he whined, but settled into the couch to listen to his father’s story. “Go on.”

“Your mom suggested one morning that we go take photos of the catoblepas,” Prompto pointed to a different photo, one that illustrated the creature. “She insisted on getting up close and personal with them. She figured it’d be better for the picture. So I’m set up with my tripod and my camera about five or six feet away, and she’s holding these mushrooms to get them to come closer.”

Prompto mimed the set up with his hands, and Solis nodded along the way.

“I was ready to take the shot, and she was posing, looking all cute. But then the catoblepas got so close. I yelled to warn her, but when she turned, she reached out her hand and pet the damn thing. And it actually nuzzled into her palm. Can you believe it?” Prompto sighed, a dreamy look in his eyes. “A legendary creature, yielding to your mother. What a lady.”

Solis turned the page of the album and found the photo of you cozying up to the catoblepas. “One thing’s for sure,” he decided. “You’re both nuts.” He paused. “But I’m glad you found each other.”


GLADIO

Gladio knocked on Acacia’s door. Having a teenage daughter was not easy, and having a teenage daughter in full mood swings was enough to want to make Gladio pull his hair out. It reminded him of Iris when she was younger.

A muffled voice rang out. “Come in.”

Gladio opened the door to his raven-haired daughter lying face down on her bed, not even attempting to greet her father as he took a seat by her desk.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Acacia peeked an eye at him. “Nothing.”

Gladio folded his arms over his chest. “Didn’t sound like nothing according to Mom.”

Acacia sat up, apparently triggered by whatever Gladio had said, irritation clear as day on her features. “She’s just so over protective!” she huffed, hands balling into fists. “I just wanted to go away for the weekend, and she won’t let me because she said she doesn’t know who else is going.”

Gladio raised an eyebrow. “Seems like a decent enough reason to say no to me.”

Acacia groaned. “Not you too.”

He smirked at her, shaking his head. “Do you know the moment I realized your mom was the one?”

She blinked slowly. “I don’t see how this is relevant to what’s happening right now.”

Gladio continued. “When I was on the road with the guys, I met her. She was definitely too good for me. Way too smart, way too pretty. And for some reason, she gave me the time of day. After what happened in Lestallum and we lost Jared, she offered to stay and take care of Iris and Talcott until we got back.”

Acacia looked at her father expectantly.

“I knew then, when she decided to put her whole life on hold to make sure that my family stayed safe, the last remaining family I had, that she was it. She cared so much about these people that she barely knew, took them in like they were her own and kept them safe while the world fell apart around them. And now she’s trying to do that for you. She lost a lot of people in the ten years of darkness, sweetheart. Try and understand that she’s being protective of you because she doesn’t want to lose you, too.”

Acacia let out a sigh, slumping her shoulders. “I guess I owe Mom and apology.”

“Guess you do.”

She nodded and rose to her feet, slowly making her way to the door.

“If you want to go camping,” Gladio offered. “I’d be more than happy to take you.”

“Thanks Dad, but no,” Acacia replied, stepping into the hallway. “I’ve got better things to do.”

Gladio rolled his eyes. Yeah, he thought to himself. Just like Iris.


IGNIS

It wasn’t often that Ignis and his daughter got to spend a great deal of time together because of his duties at the palace and her school schedule, but he relished the moments they did get to share. They often cooked together, concocting new recipes side by side.

“How come Mom doesn’t cook?” Aurora asked, popping a cherry tomato into her mouth. “Is it because she can’t?”

“She’s not extraordinarily proficient, but she gets by,” Ignis stated, and Aurora marvelled at how skilled her father was with a knife even though he was blind. “Actually, it was our first evening in together when she decided to cook for me that I realized how much I loved her.”

“Aw! Dad!” Aurora gushed. “Tell me! I love these stories.”

Ignis chuckled and kept at the chopping.

“She’d planned this whole dinner for the two of us. She knew that I enjoyed the culinary arts, and wanted to give it a go herself. I told her that it wasn’t necessary to go through all the effort, but she informed me that I’d cooked for her on multiple occasions, so it was only fair.”

Ignis smiled to himself at the memory.

“She ended up burning everything.”

Aurora couldn’t help but laugh. “Dad! Why are you smiling? That’s terrible!”

Ignis could still smell the ruined dinner, the smoke coming from the oven and the shrill sound of the fire alarm beeping in the kitchen. He remembered the sound of your laugh, the sound of you swatting a broom at the alarm to get it to shut off, as it was just out of reach.

“She took such care to ensure that everything was perfect, but in the end, the meal being ruined hadn’t phased her spirit,” Ignis continued. “She ended up pulling out two servings of Cup Noodles, and we ate them together by candlelight.”

Aurora leaned her head against her father’s shoulder. “Dad, that’s so cute.”

“It was a special moment,” Ignis agreed. “I knew then that her resilience was something to be admired. I knew her before I was blind, as just a friend, and after I sustained my injury, she refused to leave my side. She’s always been more than I deserve, and she even gifted me with you.” Ignis reached out and wrapped an arm around Aurora’s shoulders, giving her a light squeeze.

“Love you, Dad,” she smiled, giving him a peck on the cheek.

Ignis went to go stir a pot on the stove. “There is one thing you have in common with that night, come to think of it,” a mischievous lilt to his tone.

Aurora glanced over at Ignis. “Hm? What’s that?”

“Technically speaking, you were an accident as well.”

For a blind man, he was quite skilled at dodging flying spatulas.

Family Dinner

[Obi-Wan and Anakin’s Force Ghosts, and Old Luke with Rey at Luke’s little hermit dining table. An awkward silence has set in.]

Rey: [nervously darting her eyes back and forth between parties as she eats] So…the Force, huh? It’s…something. I’m a fan. Personally. From what I’ve seen. 
Anakin: [bitterly] Well! At least someone is.
Luke: [rolling his eyes] …just say it, dad. 
Anakin: [irritated] Whatever do you mean, son?
Luke: Look you were never that big of a fan of the Jedi, either! Need I remind you? 
Anakin: I DIED to destroy the Sith! Yes: the Jedi were kind of a bunch of dicks sometimes, but you know what? I really liked some of those dicks! 

[Rey and Obi-Wan’s eyes widen] 

Anakin: [continuing] And I have lived on both sides of the fence, son, and let me tell you: the Dark Side? Is the actual WORST. It’s cold, and you have to go to bunch of boring meetings about mining, and you don’t even get a foosball table in your Vader pod and everything hurts all the time. At least the Jedi tried to stop Ultimate Evil! Also? [pointing at Obi-Wan] How can you do this to your Obi-Wan? HOW
Obi-Wan: [pushing his food around on his plate] Well it’s not the first time one of you has done this…
Luke: [pinching the bridge of his nose] [murmurs to himself] Oh Force, he’s going all-in. Ben, look, you know I love you, but the Jed– 
Obi-Wan: No no, Luke, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m used to rejection and sadness and watching my life’s work shatter in front of me. In fact, I’d have been shocked if you hadn’t turned on the Jedi by now.
Luke: [pained] Ben
Obi-Wan: I mean what have I ever done for you except live a life of solitude and pain, and save you from all that stuff that tried to kill you over and over again, and teach you how to use the Force? You’re right. I shouldn’t have bothered. [Luke stares at him while Anakin stares daggers at Luke] Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I should go meditate. I have some feelings I need to release into the Force. [chugs his entire remaining whiskey, stalks off] 
Anakin: [scowling at Luke] You see what you did to him?!
Luke: Oh so just because I’m questioning the relevance of the Jedi, I’m the worst person ever? You’re the one who tried to kill him those couple of times!
Rey: [taking a huge gulp of her wine glass, wide-eyed]  

ARE YOU SERIOUS? RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD?

So you can make your own character in Forces.

-insert ‘edgy cringy original the character’ joke here- Cause those jokes are still funny and fresh right? right? Haha look how cool I am using a joke that’s been beaten to death by everyone and their mother, now plz give me lieks.

“Haha, original the cringe recolour is playable in Forces now! Aren’t I hilarious??? Coldsteel and Sonichu hahaa- I’m relevant!”

Can’t wait for people to do this because why bother using jokes that haven’t been beaten to death for the past eight or so years?


Seriously no one really gave a shit when Xenoverse had customizable characters so why should Forces be any different? Oh right, because it’s Sonic and that’s literally the only reason. I’m more than sure if Mario Odyssey announced that it was having character creation no one would even complain and say how amazing it is.

About PWR BTTM

CN: sexual assault, pwr bttm


-

About PWR BTTM: this brought up a lot for me, but I don’t want to center my feelings in this conversation that is about more important things. Still, many of you have been asking what my general thoughts are, and I don’t think it’s fair to not respond to you, or for my silence to look like I am cosigning Ben’s actions. So here is my most important/relevant thought right now:

I want queer youth (and everyone, but particularly queer youth) to feel safe and loved and valued. To think of somebody taking advantage of spaces like that, spaces where young queer people seek respite and validation and safety, fills me with more anger and sadness than I can possibly express.


I know that when LGBTQIA+ people connect to queer art it is sometimes something bigger than just “liking a band.” I want you to know that we (me and anyone playing in my band) don’t take that lightly and will always try our best to do right by you. I want to say that you deserve nothing less from any person or artist you encounter.  And, most importantly, I want to say that whatever strength you take from art made by queer people is something that YOU found in yourself, it is not anyone else that gives it to you and to pretend otherwise is to disempower you (and you are powerful and you are good).

I want to say to people who are grieving Ben’s actions who aren’t survivors: don’t forget there is a painful hurt being felt here beyond losing a band. I want to say that I hope people can continue to hold Ben (and other people in our communities) accountable without perpetuating homophobia and transmisogyny. I want to stress that pwr bttm’s music is irrelevant to this conversation, let’s not trivialize this issue by making it about whether or not you like an album.

To end with, I want to pass on this link of Jes Skolnik talking about accountability wrt this situation moving forward and what that could look like:  https://medium.com/@modernistwitch/on-accountability-d79957d1a17d

(thank you to Jes for doing the work of writing that, and thank you to my two friends who idk if want to be named but read over this post for me before I posted it)

Love you
MB

You are not who you used to be and that’s okay. You’ve been hurt; you'e gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today. Over the years, so many things have happened - things that have changed your perspective, taught you lessons and forced your spirit to grow. As time passes, nobody stays the same, but some people will still tell you that you have changed. Respond to them by saying “Of course I’ve changed. That’s what life is all about.”

Hey Femme* Tumblr-

So I’m agender but also a broke bitch and it’s becoming increasingly apparent that my failure to preform to expected gender roles is getting in the way of getting a job because I live in religious fuckstick country**.  And my parents never tried to enforce gender in my house, which while great for my mental health, means I’m a bit up shit creek right now.  So if some of y’all could advise me on the following:

  • What the fuck is makeup and how do?
  • Moisturizing?? What is?
  • how does silhouette with clothing?
  • How to pretty lady in general seriously I know jack shit about this also I’m broke so maybe less expensive ways to do this?
  • thx

* this offer is open to everyone that has relevant experience, regardless of sex/gender/age whatever.  I’m basically a swamp goblin who has to fake being a human for a few hours a week.

** I realize that I shouldn’t have to change myself to suit other’s expectations but 1. suing for discrimination costs money, the thing I do not have and 2. I’m curious anyway.

What am I to you? PART 3

Shit’s going to get heated. Jooheons actions from the party last night is going hand in hand with consequences. You needed to protect him! But how could you when you’re the one who needs HIS protection? Gladly, you’re not alone in this fight. Or maybe another man is the reason for all this? 

GENRE: Angst, Fluff / TRIGGER WARNING: Flashback of a rape scene


Originally posted by xmpnster

Originally posted by royalkpop

Keep reading

Pushing his buttons || Dan H.

A/N: This is mostly dialog and I loved writing it. I also have a thing for university!dan now. Thanks for the request!

Word Count: 1.9K

POV: Reader

MASTERLIST // PART 2

Originally posted by daik3n

„What are you wearing?” Dan asked, raising his eyebrows and looking me up and down. He sat at the kitchen table and looked up from his laptop that he did some work for university on.

Daniel James Howell, 21, wearing a wrinkled t-shirt and plaid pyjama bottoms, messy brown hair that he let grow out, freakishly tall, university student and unfortunately incredibly hot.

Since my parents were currently on a business trip to another continent for two weeks I was staying at Dan’s flat. I could have told them that I was old enough to look after myself, but honestly sharing this flat with him was much better than being on my own all the time. He was the son of my mum’s best friend so we knew each other since we were little kids. My parents had a soft spot for him and over the years he became one of my best friends.

I was confused by Dan’s question and quickly checked my outfit. It didn’t look bad, did it? The dress I was wearing perfectly hugged all my curves. It also showed the right amount of skin: not too much and not too little.

“I’m going to this party” I explained, putting my keys and phone into my purse.

“Are there gonna be boys?” Dan asked, completely forgetting about the paper that was due tomorrow.  

“Yes.” I truthfully answered. Why would there only be girls? What was up with him?  

“What do you mean ‘yes’?” Dan shut the laptop in front of him close and shot me a strange look. Was he angry now?  

“Yes, there are gonna be boys.” I answered, stating the obvious.

“And they are all just your friends?” He sceptically eyed me.

I didn’t even know everyone who was going to be there. Why did it matter anyway? I shrugged my shoulders instead of answering.

“I asked you a question.” Dan snapped, getting up from his chair.  

“Not all of them want to be just friends, I guess” I admitted, blushing a bit.

“Pardon?!” The dark haired boy almost shouted, looking at me the same way my mother probably would.

“I don’t know, there is this guy called Brandon and he’s been trying to get into my pants for about half a year.” I told him nonchalantly.

We were close friends and we talked about a lot, but we never talked about my relationship to other guys or anything like that. It felt weird and I immediately regretted telling him that when I saw his facial expression.

“Into your what?!?” Dan’s eyes grew wide and the vein on his neck was pulsating. If he had taken a of sip water he would have spit it out.

“Pants. It’s a saying. It means he wa-” I explained, trying to stay calm while he was close to losing his mind.

“I know well enough what that means. Have you told him to back the fuck up?” Dan’s question sounded more like a demand. I had spent enough time with him to know that him starting to curse is definitely a sign that he is mad.

 "What if I don’t want him to?“ I challenged him, not being entirely serious. He deserved that for acting like a dick.  

“What the fuck, Y/N?” Curse word again. Damn he was really mad.

“Dan, can you please calm down?” I asked, tired of his stupid behaviour. I was going to be late because of him.

“Calm down? No! Why do you want to be with that stupid prick?”

“Dan, that’s none of your businesses!“ I defended myself, extremely irritated by his act.

"Oh hell yeah it is!”

“No it’s not!”

“You are not going to that party and you are going to tell that Brandon ass that he can get lost.” Dan smashed against the kitchen table with his fist, thinking that he had spoken the last word.  

“What?? Why?! That’s so unfair.” I complained. He was not my father and he couldn’t tell me shit.

“No it’s not.”

“You get to go the a hundred parties a week and take home as many girls as you want, but I need to stay at home and play good girl when I want to go out once in like half a year? Double standard much?” I snapped, having seen enough girls quietly leave this place before noon.

“That’s different.” Dan just stated and cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed that I had to witness some of his hook ups leave.

“How is that different?” I wanted to know, my eyes burning into his skin.

“You are still in High School.” That was his excuse, seriously? My hands were trembling with anger.  

“I am eighteen, Dan! You were at my birthday party remember?!”

“Eighteen or not. That Brandon pervert just wants to use you to have sex because he is a horny ass teenager.” He tried to end this conversation and have me go back to my room.

He’d like it that way. Who does he think he is? My babysitter?

“Maybe, Brandon has just realised that I am a desirable young women and not some little baby contrary to you!” I screamed at his face, fed up with having him look down on me like he is the wise and mature guy and I’m the little baby that wasn’t allowed to do anything.

“I- Look at how naive you are acting right now!” My words had clearly thrown him off track. Good.

“Oh so it’s totally unbelievable that I can be desired?” I took it up a notch, now that he got me completely furious.

“That-that’s not what I said!” Dan defended himself and swallowed hard.  

“But that’s what you are thinking. You treat me like a baby 24/7!” I shouted, feeling relieved right after the truth had left my mouth.

“Y/N that’s not true! And you can’t deny that this Brandon guy just wants to ‘get into your pants’ because he is a horny teenager.” Dan lectured me, raising his voice.

I just angrily glared up at his stupid face, too furious to even say something.

“Look, if I were that young again I’d probably think you are hot too.” Dan bluntly explained to me, ignoring my death glare.

“So you don’t think that I am hot now?” I spat, his words piercing my heart like a sharp sword.

“Uhm what?!” He definitely didn’t see that coming.

“You said that if you were a horny teenager again you’d think I’m hot. So you don’t think I’m hot now.” I explained what his words sounded like to me and couldn’t get over the fact that they had deeply hurt me.

“Y/N, I a - I don’t see why this is relevant right now.” Dan stuttered, scratching the back of his neck.

“It’s not. I’m going to the party and you can’t stop me.” I snapped, absolutely done with him.

I knew he didn’t like me back, but I could still hope, right? Well, not after what he had just said.

“You are going to the party and what? Fuck this Brandon guy in the bathroom?” He asked, laughing scornfully.

I put on a coat over my dress and slipped into my heels before I turned to face Dan again.

“Why not? Why would you care?” I riposted, wiping that snarky grin off his face.

“Why not?? You seriously want to lose your virginity like that?” Dan snorted angrily taking a few steps towards me as I opened the door to leave.

“So you are now just presuming I am a virgin?” I raised my eyebrows at him and watched his face fall.

“Woah, woah woah. Stop right there. Explain that!” He put his arm out in front of my chest, stopping me from leaving his flat.

“It’s none of your business if I am virgin or not. I am not hot enough to have sex in your eyes anyways.” I said, trying to sound calm although I was still offended by what he had said earlier.

“Why is it so important to you if I think you are hot?” Dan bellowed, not taking away his stretched out arm that stopped me from leaving.

“Why do you care so much about me and that Brandon guy?” I countered loudly.

Silence.

His brown eyes evilly glared at me and I wasn’t afraid to stare back. Both of our eyebrows were furrowed together. Me and Dan normally didn’t fight, but damn I hated him right now.

I could hear Dan angrily breath through his nose, not breaking eye contact.

“I don’t care. If you want to fuck around, suit yourself.” He said through gritted teeth.

He was obviously challenging me and I was not going to lose.

“Fine. Then I’ll go and find Brandon.” I stated, waiting for him to show any reaction.

“I said, I don’t care.” Dan snarled, his eyes were dark with anger.

“Maybe you can give me a few tips on how to quietly leave after a one night stand. You seem to be an expert.” I chirped, pushing his buttons on purpose.

He looked like he was going to explode.

“Don’t fucking take this too far, Y/N. You are acting like a child.” Dan growled, his deep voice sending shivers down my spine.

The fact that he told me that he doesn’t care still upset me. I wanted him to care, but not because he thought I was a baby.

I wanted to set him off like ticking bomb.

“Can you give me one of your condoms? I don’t know if Br-“

That was it. The final straw.

The look he was giving me made my inside tingle and I had to take a few steps back because the heat that was radiating from his body was suffocating me. My back hit the cold white wall behind me, making me jump. I swallowed hard, watching Dan step closer to me. His hands smashed down on the wall on each side of my hot face.

His breath fanned my neck, causing me to nearly lose my senses.

“If that Brandon asshole ever touches you then I’m going to gladly break his fucking neck. Do you understand that?”

I looked to my left to avoid eye contact.

“Why do you get so angry at Brandon? Why do you even care?” I challenged him having risen my voice once again. I was not giving up that easily. He was acting tough but I wasn’t intimidated by his behaviour.

“Just change out of that stupid dress. I can almost see your boobs.” Dan told me, taking a step back and avoiding my question.

“Oh and you don’t want to see them?”

Where my boobs not good enough for him now? Prick.

“Y/N-I.. please. We are not talking about that now.” Dan sternly shut me down, noticeably annoyed by me.

“Why not? I’m tired of you treating me like an ugly little child.” I told him, standing up straight to shown him my determination.

“Y/N please can we-“ Dan tried to calm me down, gently touching my shoulder.

“No, we can’t! Why am I not good enough for you!” I shouted hurt.

“Look. I don’t know why you have that idea-“

“You always make sure to let me know that I’m totally unattractive. And that makes me feel like shit!”I admitted loudly, completely lashing out on him.

“It was not my intention to make you feel like shit.” Dan defended himself, throwing his arms up.  

“Then what was your fucking intention?!” I snapped, losing my patience.

“I just have to stop myself, okay?!” Dan shouted.

“Stop yourself from what!?”

“Stop myself from fucking pushing you against the next wall and kissing the living shit out of you!”

So to go along with our essential reading list I am now working on a list of videos, documentaries, and radio streams that are available for free. 

Right now the list is pretty short but I’m going to work on it more later tonight and throughout the week. If you have any videos you would like to link over to us to add to the list, please send them over. Either tell me what the video is called here or send it to us through our submit page. Any topic that you think is relevant to this blog or important for others to see. 

They can be youtube videos or TED talks or radio streams or whatever you have to share. I have some on there that are full movies but they don’t have to be, I have others on the list that are only like 15-20 minutes so send whatever. 

-Mod H