so proud of my collage

11.2.2017 yup…it is here… Tomaaaa-kuuuun!!! Omedetouuu for all your hard work you did in that 21 years in big family which JE is! Dont mind haters! You are and always will be part of this family. I am so gratefull you decided to stay there. You overcomed hardships, gained lot of skills and was able to prove your talent. Those 3 years I have been your fan it was amazing to see your way to become successful actor and also great man. I am so proud beeing your fan. Please continue to pursue your goals and be always that Toma I know. Thank you for helping me in hard times, for giving me inspiration, for making me happy.♥ For me you will always be little bit different in JE family…forever the special one! Can’t wait for your surprises in 2017!!!

So it’s crazy to think that today is my 5 month anniversary of starting my WLJ. I can’t believe I haven’t given up yet. Other times before I always gave up before the first week was over, I shit you not! This is my year maaan. This is MY FCkIN YEAR!!!! It has not been easy, nope, not one bit. It’s actually been an emotionally hard time for me. Like my eyes are so used to seeing myself big, I can barely tell any change in my body most times. Like I can’t really see any diff from last month and this month, but other people can and it sucks. There are days I feel like I’m back to where I started. There are days when I feel I can’t go on anymore. Everyday is a struggle for me not to shove everything in my mouth. I cry sometimes and think to myself, maybe I’m just supposed to be big, maybe this is the way I’m supposed to be. But I know that isn’t true at all. I’m so much better than this, than treating my body this way. I feel like such shit for how badly I’ve treated my body over the past years. But feeling this way is only going to make it worse. And while it’s hard not to feel like that and to stay positive, I am trying, really trying to be positive. I can’t say I’m not proud, because I am. I am so so sooo proud of myself. Because I’m doing it, finally doing it after so many years of trying. It’s slow and it’s up and down and just a big mess, but it’s my mess, my beautiful mess and I will be proud every step of the way. I’m just so happy I’m not where I used to be!!!