so painful everytime i see these

beckology  asked:

the really weird and specific Au for klance :^)

i want to come back to this but for now here’s some bulletpoints

  • - shiro disappears to alternate timelines
  • - everything is the exact same
  • - he’s trying to figure out why everything feels Odd and he realizes
  • - “What’s that look for? Do I have something in my hair? …Shiro?”
  • - lance has a mullet
  • - is transferred to different timeline again, where all the lions are wolves
  • - and again
  • - and again
  • -every timeline he sees klance being more and more prominent and pining and possibly Painful
  • -as well as Pidge’s issues with family and anger
  • -and Langst anxiety
  • -and Keith’s loner act
  • -Allura and Coran’s pent-up grief
  • -and so on and so on
  • - he eventually realizes that everytime he realizes what the difference is, he disappears again
  • - once he realizes THAT he vanishes and finds himself back in his original timeline where he disappeared from the black lion after the battle with Zarkon.
  • - everyone’s happy to see him but he doesn’t let them say anything before he starts laying down the shit
  • - he calls out everyone’s underlying issues and how they need to stop hiding from eachother because they’re a team, dammit, and the group intervention session is fantastic and everybody emerges with a much better understanding of eachother
  • - in the process they call him out for his stuff he didn’t even realize some of
  • - in the end, tears and hugs and healing all around
  • - and during the entire thing lance has been standing up for keith and keith for him when they delve into their respective rabbit holes of insecurity and its really nice
  • - shiro saves klance for last
  • -”keith he obviously is completely in love with you” “wH-”
  • -”lance you fucking- this is ridiculous, keith literally started washing his hair for you” “sHir-”
  • -”This is absurd and I’m not putting up with it”
  • -the team agrees and points out evidence
  • -Keith and Lance keep frantically pointing out reasons that they wouldn’t be in love with eachother, refusing to look and getting progressively more flustered as the whole team refutes every point they make
  • -until eventually one of them accidentally complements the other and everyone stops dead silent
  • “You…you really think so?”
  • “Y…yeah.”
  • -”fuck it” and the entire room starts screaming when they kiss
  • -hunk covers pidge’s eyes
  • -coran: “I KN E W  I T” “A LLURA YOU OWE ME 15 GRETK
  • -allura: “damn it”
  • -shiro announces he’s going to sleep for seventeen years
  • ????
  • profit

anonymous asked:

RFA reacting to MC having an "accident" in the middle of the night cause Aunt Flo is here./ RFA when It's MC's "time of the month"

Anonymous said:
I already made a request last night but, I realized it’s similar to another one. The severe period pain one? By that I mean, Mc is like groaning in pain on the couch and unable to move from the pain. Btw can it be RFA +V and Saeran. I’m like withering in pain and tbh I feel like this will make me feel better lmao. Also, I like went through nearly your entire profile. Tis amaze.

Anonymous said:
Ohm. This is a weird request but meh. Do you think you could to a reaction from the RFA + V and Saeran to MC having horrible period pains? So bad that it hurts to stand? Cause like, it happens.

So these are actually some of the latest requests, but this just seemed easier to write, so I finished this as soon as I could to get some content out. Still, it’s almost two weeks late despite that. Our inbox is rotting. Imsosorry ivebeenbusy x.x

BUT ANYWAY! I hope this will suffice? It might not be quite what you guys asked, but I tried ^~^

(had also planned to be for @serensama )


MC on Her Time of the Month


  • Text Message Received. “Hey, I can’t come to the beach today, sorry… >_< It’s that time of the month, so I can’t swim…”
  • He’s never had a girlfriend before. He’s completely clueless when you suddenly cancel on the beach date you’d been planning for days! You’d both been so busy, today was the one day you could actually meet up :C
  • -insert sad Yoosung boyfriend-
  • Instead, he decides to visit, anxiously worrying if you were feeling sick. (his mother makes him bring you some chicken noodle soup, lecturing him about how it was only respectful lololol cmon we all know she would)
  • Hm. You didn’t look feverish, and you weren’t coughing or anything… The only weird thing was how you sat in your chair all curled up into a ball. Curious, he decides to ask you about it, “So uhm, MC… why did you cancel today?”
  • Immediately, your cheeks flush slightly. Didn’t he understand from your text…? With a wry smile on your face, you eventually explained, “Weeeell, I’m on my period… And the cramps have been really bad so far. I can hardly stand. I didn’t want to ruin our date by lying down every five minutes in an attempt to tolerate the pain.”
  • The colour drains from his face.
  • “OH MY GOD MC, ARE YOU OKAY?! NO, NEVER MIND, OF COURSE NOT. L-look, you shouldn’t be sitting here with me if it’s that bad, go back to bed right now and I will make you an omelette because you need good nutrition and rest so pleasepleaseplease go lie down,” he babbles, panic filling his features as he desperately pushes you to your room.
  • He ends up cooking in your kitchen while you bundled up in your blankets, trying to fight off the pain somehow.
  • Brings the omelette to your bed so you don’t have to walk around
  • You fail in holding back a big smile as you look at the beach umbrella drawn in ketchup. (Everytime he made you an omelette, he made sure to draw something different)
  • “I-it’s to represent that we should go to the beach when you feel better,” he sheepishly explained, red tinting his cheeks.
  • Your phone suddenly vibrated, indicating a notification came through. You glanced briefly at your phone before WHIPPING YOUR HEAD to re-read the message
  • Seven: lololol I guess he really wants to see you in a bikini!! What a perverted boy  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


  • You’d been lazily cuddling together in the morning upon waking up after a…. good night together. He’s whispering sweet nothings into your ear, running his fingers over your body… down your back… over your butt… then he stops, a flicker of confusion in his eyes.
  • He suddenly breaks his hold on you, sitting up and lifting the blanket off your bodies. Zen’s eyes seem to be peeled to your legs, or something…
  • You watch him in a half-asleep state, what was he doing so early in the morning? You yawn, stretching slightl- !!!
  • A sharp pain shoots through your lower stomach and you hiss as you clutch at it. What the…?
  • As you roll around the bed, you feel a slight wetness on the bedsheets. Oh. Uh-oh.
  • You heave a sigh, closing your eyes as dread overwhelms you. “Pleeease tell me it’s not what I think it is,” you groan, pulling a pillow over your head. “I’m so sorry for ruining the bed, ugh…”
  • Zen’s eyes soften, sympathy flashing in them. “Honey, it’s okay, it happens,” he says, offering a sweet smile. “I’ll take care of it, okay? Do what you need to, and when you’re done, I’ll go get our breakfast. Don’t worry about anything.”
  • He plants a light kiss on your forehead, gazing gently into your eyes.
  • In mere minutes, he removes and replaces the bedsheets, throws them in the laundry, and heads out to buy some food. You wait anxiously on the bed, groaning as your cramps caused continuous, throbbing pain.
  • “Zeeeen,” you whimper, as if it would make him come back faster.  
  • The front door opens, and you can see that Zen has returned with crepes, cake and hot chocolate in hand. He quickly rushes to your side as he hears your whimpering, stroking your hand as he checks to make sure you’re okay.
  • “I’ve heard that chocolate is supposed to help with cramps,” he says unsurely, holding up the hot chocolate. “And I also got some sweets. I know it’s not a proper breakfast, but I know you love these things around this time of the month. So let me spoil you on days like this, babe.”
  • Despite the lightning bolts of pain you were feeling, you managed to smile from your balled up position, weakly squeezing his hand as a sign of acknowledgment. “I love you, Zenny,” you mumble.


  • From the beginning, she had been aware that you got severe period cramps, and prepared numerous remedies and reliefs.
  • Whenever she noticed that it was nearing your time of the month, she would make you drink water with brown sugar dissolved into them, which was supposed to relax your muscles and make your cramps hurt less.
  • But one day, before your period came, you began to cramp up really badly. Unfortunately, you were still at work, so you had to continue taking orders and serving the customers despite the pain. You couldn’t let Jaehee down, after all.
  • But after doing it for a while, you were sweating profusely, your mouth watering with excess saliva. Your cheeks were flushed, and your legs were beginning to give out.
  • From behind the counter, Jaehee noticed your odd state, and realized immediately what was going on. She dashes out to guide you into the employee room, bringing you a mug of chamomile tea and chocolate cake.
  • “MC, you should’ve told me earlier if you weren’t feeling well!” she scolds you, glaring at you. But her eyes are soft with worry, although she was trying to express her anger.
  • You smile weakly, having no excuse to offer.
  • Her worry morphs into guilt. “I should have given you the day off… I knew that your time of the month was coming soon, I shouldn’t have made you work. I’m really sorry, MC.” She runs a hand through her hair in frustration, ashamed in herself.
  • “But you take such good care of me, I only want to repay you…” you argue softly, furrowing your eyebrows.
  • Your words bring a small smile to her face. “Silly. You’re the one who takes care of me. You’re always considering my feelings, even when I don’t. I can only be so happy thanks to you.”
  • Another shot of pain makes you wince, and you bring your knees to your chest, in an attempt to ease the pain. “Nng… thanks, Jaehee, but I just need to… rest for now,” you managed to say. “Go back to the counter… customers are waiting.”
  • She flicks your forehead lightly. “Silly. I’m going to stay with you of course. I’ll just close the shop. It’s one of the perks of being the owner. Let me take advantage of it, okay?”
  • And so, you end up going home, cuddling together on the bed as you suffered through your monthly hell. At least you had an angel beside you.


  • The two of you usually spent your nights together, but you suddenly asked to stay in a separate room one night. A bit disheartened, Jumin inquired you as to why you requested this, and you sighed, begrudgingly explaining what Mother Nature made you go through.
  • “Is that why you couldn’t sleep last night?” he frowned, his thumb gently stroking your cheek.
  • Your head shot up in surprise. “You knew?”
  • “I know everything, my love. You were groaning, tossing and turning the entire night… I couldn’t even hug you properly.”
  • “It’s not my fault it hurts so much!” you protest.
  • “I also had the maids wash the bedsheets, after noticing it had been dirtied. I hope you don’t mind.”
  • Erk, that was embarrassing. It was only the maids, but you suddenly felt like the whole world knew you were bleeding out of your vagina now. Seriously, Jumin could’ve kept quiet about that part. Now you felt mildly uncomfortable.
  • Jumin continued, “It’s okay. Get some rest, okay? You probably didn’t sleep a wink last night. I have a meeting today, but I’ll try to come home as soon as I can. I hope Elizabeth 3rd will suffice as company til then… Is there anything you would like me to bring back while I’m out?”
  • “Not really…” you mutter, cheeks still red.
  • Jumin raised an eyebrow, dubious.
  • “Okay, fine. Yeah, can I get some pizza? That one we had last time, where the crust was perfectly crispy and topped with that fancy stuff you ordered.”
  • He chuckles, kissing your forehead softly. “I knew you’d give in. And don’t worry so much about it being your time of the month. This is nothing to be embarrassed about, compared to your loud screams at night…”
  • SMACK!


  • The moment he heard your first whimpers he KNOCKED DOWN YOUR DOOR
  • “Honey?! What’s wrong!!” he panicked, throwing the covers off your bed to inspect you
  • You were curled up, rocking gently side-to-side as you quietly cried, the tears gathering in the corners of your eyes
  • “Saeyoungggg… Mother Nature’s killing me again,” you sniffled, trying to deal with the pain
  • “W-w-what do I do?” he stammered, cheeks flushing as he was unfamiliar with women’s monthly pains. He wanted to help, but he really had no idea.
  • But you couldn’t even answer, groaning as the next wave of pain hit you
  • “I-it’s okay, MC, I’ll call for help immediately! Defender of Justice, 707, off to the rescue!!” he declared, suddenly dashing out your room
  • Wait what?
  • “Come baaack,” you called out, feeling slightly disappointed. Had he just run out on you? What was he even trying to do? You just wanted some Saeyoung cuddles right now…
  • From the open door, you could hear Saeyoung talking vividly on the phone, “Give up the sacrifice!! NOW, Jumin Han, or I will hack into your company right now!”
  • Sacrifice? What sacrifice?
  • “I will steal Elly—no, listen to me, I will call her Elly however I please!”
  • Did he already forget about you? You grumbled, rolling over to hug your blankets.
  • “Good, I’m glad we cleared this up! 5 minutes, Mr. Han, I’m giving you 5 minutes to send her over.”
  • Fuck, was he trying to get Elizabeth the 3rd over? Seriously, that wouldn’t really help with your period pains very much. At all. You didn’t hate her, per say, but you were fucking dying in here.
  • You mentally counted down 5 minutes, when the doorbell suddenly rang, and you could hear Saeyoung’s footsteps as he practically flew to the door.
  • “I’m so glad you’re here! Thank youuuu!!” You could hear him exclaim.
  • “MC?” a soft, feminine voice called out to you from the doorway.
  • Your eyes snapped open, “Jaehee?! I thought you were Elizabeth the 3rd!”
  • Her eyes twinkled with amusement. “Now, why would you think that? I wasn’t aware that spending so much time cat-sitting had resulted into my transformation into a cat.”
  • “N-no.. never mind.” It was always hard to explain Saeyoung’s antics. “Why are you here?”
  • “Seven called Mr. Han to demand that I came to help. I’m very glad to (get away from Jumin) be of help, MC. I brought some painkillers, some hot soup and a few bags of tea for you to drink over the next few days. It should help somehow,” Jaehee explained, holding up a small plastic bag that you hadn’t noticed before.
  • From behind her, you noticed Saeyoung peeking nervously from the doorway, his eyes teared up as he stared at your weakened form.
  • “Thanks, Jaehee. And Saeyoung, you can come in, you know…” you said.
  • “B-but!! I’m a pure girl, darling, what if I get the curse of periods too?!” Saeyoung whined, shaking his head furiously.
  • ….That’s what he was worried about?
  • “Seven… Periods are not contagious,” Jaehee deadpanned.


  • He was always prepared when it was your time of the month—even more than you were! He couldn’t help it. For the majority of his relationship with Rika, he’d been doting on her, doing anything and everything he could for her. Old habits die hard.
  • “MC, maybe you shouldn’t be wearing white underwear… it’s almost your time of the month, isn’t it?” he called out as he was cooking breakfast, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.
  • “W-wha?” you yawned. You were only wearing one of his shirts and some panties, but then you realized the date. “Oh, you’re right!”
  • By the time you went to change, you’d already seen the faintest taint of pink on your underwear. Fuck. How many have you ruined by now? …Too many to count.
  • It took a couple hours before the pain started to kick in.
  • Considering this was a reoccurring pattern, V already knew what to do and when to do it.
  • “MC, honey, I prepared a hot bath for you… Would you like to be alone, or shall I join you?” he asked, checking in on you.
  • “Nng… I can’t really walk right now, sorry,” you replied, hugging a heating pouch to your lower stomach.
  • He chuckled in return, “Then I’ll carry you there. Perhaps I should strip you, too?” He winked jokingly.
  • If this had been a normal day, you would’ve taken the chance to jump at him (because V’s hot and a sweetheart) but no, your cramps were killing you today. So no. No sinning today, MC.
  • He fed you chocolate as you sunk into your bath, letting the heat relax your muscles, significantly easing your cramps. He helped to wrap you in a towel, making sure you were warm.
  • By the time you went to bed, the cramps had more or less gone away for the night, and you happily snuggled into his chest, feeling comfortable, relaxed and loved.


  • When he finished his morning shower, he found you groaning in pain on the bed, hugging a pillow tightly.
  • He snickered, “Was I too hard on you last night? I didn’t realize it was that bad…”
  • You shook your head, correcting him, “I’m on my periodddd…”
  • Immediately, his smile dropped. What the fuck?
  • “What… what is that supposed to mean?” he furrowed his eyebrows cutely, looking at you with pure confusion.
  • “I’m bleeding from my vagina, what else?” you rolled your eyes, deadpanning.
  • “Erm. Oh,” he stated in surprise. “Does… does ice cream help?”
  • “Ice cream doesn’t solve everything, Saeran…”
  • He frowned, not knowing what to do. Instead, he crawled into bed next to you. “Well, uhm, I don’t really know what to do… but, whenever I’m not feeling well, your hugs really help me, so if you don’t mind, I’m just going to cuddle with you… okay?”
  • You flashed a small smile at him, inwardly gushing at how adorable he was. “Of course!”
  • He smiled back with a hint of relief that he was doing something right. “Tell me if you need anything, okay?”
  • “And what if I said I only need you?” you joked.
  • He plants a soft kiss on your forehead. “I’m the one who needs you. Please feel better soon…”

everytime @traumatizedofficial puts this fucking picture on my dash i laugh so hard i go into a coughing fit and agitate my spinal pain there is such an emotion behind this image i cant describe but all i know is i genuinely think this is going to be the last thing i see before i die

The future broken Takumi...

Okay, I’m not sure if someone discussed this matter before but I’ve always loved how we see Takumi so different in the future sequences of NANA.

The once domineering Takumi Ichinose is in the future more subdued, more wistful and melancholic than we ever knew him. He dotes on Ren and Satsuki, seems genuinely pained by the estrangement from Hachi and hopes to have her back. But he thinks she will never forgive him. Now there has been many theories as to the reasons for the future Takumi-Hachi estrangement, and as far as we know, it could be his betrayal with Reira, but I don’t want to write about this here.

What i want to talk about is the reason for the Takumi softening that we witness. It could be a combination of things. It could be general maturity. It could be the reality of being a father. And more importantly it could be that he simply put things into perspective after Ren died. 

But there’s something else…

I personally think the reason why Takumi truly regretted the decisions he made to protect Trapnest is because of Reira. I think only Reira could have disillusioned and influenced Takumi this much. It is said more than once in the flashbacks and current sequences that Takumi’s main motivation for making Trapnest was this:

It is implied in the flashback that this was not just the inspiration to start Trapnest but also one of the (if not the only) major Takumi motivations in the life he wanted to build for himself despite his father’s cruelty. He put all his hope on that one thing he thought only he could do. Which is a ridiculous dream of course because it is entirely based on another person. But Takumi always mistakenly thought he owned Reira, she was his literal songbird. That’s why I think the thing that hurt him the most and changed his attitude in the future was Reira finally finding her autonomy and independence after Ren died. 

The Takumi spell over Reira was already being removed before Ren’s incident. Look at Takumi’s reaction when Reira started for once to challenge his illusion:

Takumi doesn’t usually get Yazawa’s vacant eyes and blank background treatment as do many other characters. He takes himself too seriously for that, but in this one incident, the world he fought so hard to build was starting to crumble, and Reira knows that. She knows that very well.

That’s why I think it was mainly Reira’s doing. If Reira, after accepting the reality that Ren died, told Takumi that the one who actually pushed her voice to the limit was Ren’s guitar and not Takumi, that since Ren’s dead, she will never sing for him anymore… I think that would have been the breaking point for Takumi. From then on, he would have started to see everything differently and regretted all those choices he made that hurt so many people and did nothing.

Reira and Ren’s relationship in the manga is one of the strongest and healthiest. Ren was always looking out for Reira and wanting to find someone who could save her (for sometime he wanted Yasu to do it)…He never realised that it was he, Ren, who was saving her all along, even by dying. 

stereden  asked:

Yet another headcanon/plotbunny I'm throwing your way, because I'm a shameless enabler. Naruto as Nawaki's reincarnation. He's very confused the first few years of his life, and Academy doesn't help. He's crap at History, because how can it be true that Oro-sensei betrayed Konoha? And where's his neechan? Or Dan, or Shizune-neechan? Someone calls him a demon, and he's confused at first, but then he remembers Mito-baachan (and wants to cry, because she's gone too, and Uzushio's gone too) (1)

and he realizes what that seal on his stomache means. He freaks out a bit, but Mito-baachan used to talk about her burden, sometimes, and she’s always been one of his heroes, so he buckles up and says “If Baa-chan could do it, so can I!” He misses his sister dearly, but the one time he asked Tsunade-neechan’s sensei, Hokage-jiji, about her, the old man went silent, then asked him where he had heard that name. Nawaki-no, Naruto now, doesn’t tell him. He tells no one, because he doesn’t know himself how this happened, can’t explain it, and everytime he wants to tell someone his instincts hold him back. So he tells something about seeing Tsunade’s name in a book at school, and pretends not to notice the pain on Sarutobi’s face. He goes to the academy, but it’s boring because he knows most of the practical stuff already, and he doesn’t believe the history teacher most of the time, and he loses points in taijutsu because he’s doing the academy style wrong (he’s using the Uzushio one the one his baa-chan taught him), and he fails the fuinjutsu unit because his sensei can’t recognize the seal he created as an advanced, Uzushio-special flash bomb. He likes Sakura-chan because she reminds him of Tsunade-nee, and he hates the Uchiha… pretty much because he’s an Uchiha, but also because he’s an arrogant asshat and the teacher’s favourite when Naruto has to fight for every bit of attention he gets. Then he graduates, and he’s on the team of Hatake’s son (Nawaki might have been a Sakumo fanboy. But the White Fang of Konoha was the COOLEST. And he had been friends with Oro-sensei, so Nawaki had seen him around quite a lot) and it’s not enough, not even slightly enough to fill the holes in his heart, but it’s better. Less lonely. Then the Chunin Exams come around. And Oro-sensei is RIGHT THERE, but he doesn’t recognize him, he attacks him, and even Oro-sensei is more interested in the Uchiha than in Naruto/Nawaki. It hurts. And Oro-sensei puts a seal on top of the Kyuubi’s, and it’s Tsunade-nee’s pervert of a teammate that comes to take it off. Nawaki is done with this. He wants his Neechan to make everything better, and he’s not above running away during the one-month training part of the exams to find her. (I should probably have done this as a submission instead of so many asks ^^“ this thing escaped me, sorry)

God I have not read something this heartbreaking and fucking temptingin a very long time, damn it. Do want!


Maggie’s face. Her tremble lip. Her sad eyes. It’s been more than a week and everytime I lay eyes on her I still feel sadness, despair, hope, pain and misery. Yes, all at once. So let me tell you that I’m not doing great. She was so sure Alex was going to break up with her. She was so sure that she was going to be left alone, all over again. 

It’s not Detective Maggie Sawyer NCDP Science Division we’re seeing and hearing here, it’s definitely14 year old kicked out of her house by her own father Maggie and it’s making me want to cry in the corner. I want to hold her and never let go. I’ve never wanted to protect her more than in that exact moment.

“You don’t think I’m a bad person?” She is in fact quite the exact opposite. I’m in awe. Her voice was so soft. It’s not a voice or a tone we heard before from Floriana. I swear to god, this woman has so much more to offer to this show. 

Maggie was only 14. F O U R T E E N. Her whole world, her family, her friends, her safe place, it all disappeared in a blink of an eye because she figured out she liked girls. Not only was she thrown out but she also had to deal with her being gay alone when she needed her parents and a supportive system the most. She had to grow up alone in a world where being herself was considered a valid reason for being abandoned by your own flesh and blood. Eveything that ever happened to her after her traumatic coming out story shaped her the way she now interacts with the world. 

“You don’t think I’m a bad person” is what she asked but this wasn’t about her cheating behind that line it was something way deeper like “You won’t leave me, will you? You won’t kick me out? You don’t think me being myself is a bad thing? Alex please tell me you don’t think less of me because I won’t survive this, I won’t survive you leaving me.”

Not Enough And Everything (repost)

A/N: Hello wonderful people! So I realized that the original version of this did not make sense… .and I apologize. I don’t think a lot of people read it anyway, but if you did, I’m very sorry. Anyway I fixed it, so hopefully it reads better and makes more sense now. As always I hope you enjoy and that you all have marvelous days! Thank you for reading!
Part One: Downfall

You can’t believe this is happening. Your biggest fear has become a reality. Alex, the person you love most, the one you adore more than anything, he’s been cheating on you for over two months with his co-worker, Kimberly. Apparently they had to stay late for a case and ….one thing led to another for over two months. Oh and how did you find out?

One night after talking to Alex on the phone and having him tell you about this monster of a case he was chosen for and that he’d more than likely be working all night, you decide to take him something to eat and maybe offer some moral support by his side as he worked. Little did you know that when you opened the door to his office, that you would find him and Kimberly getting very hot and heavy on his office couch.

There they were, her straddling his lap on the couch, with his hands on her ass. He stopped as soon as he heard your gasp, and the container of food you dropped hit the floor. Your hand went to your mouth, as you simultaneously tried not to cry and remember how to breathe. They separated immediately, she was pulling down her skirt and trying to button up your blouse, while he was trying to zip up his pants.

“(Y/N), this isn’t what it looks like, I mean-,” he tries to explain scrambling for some sort of excuse. Your breathing is shallow as you try to make sense of scene before you, you look at him in his disheveled state and can’t hold in the anger and hurt in your heart.

“Not what it looks like? What the hell was that then? A vital part of your monster case?!” you exclaim feeling more betrayed by the second. Kimberly chooses this moment to leave as quietly as possible, you turn to her with a glare as she slips out the door. You turn back to Alex, rage and hurt in your eyes.

“This whole thing is a mistake. Babe I -,” he tries again, you shake your head. As he approaches you, you take a step back towards the direction of his desk, and he abruptly stops. He looks slightly panicked you’ve never not wanted to be close to him, but then again he had never betrayed you until now.

“How long has this been going on,” you cut him off. He looks at you with lost wide eyes not knowing where to start or what to say.
“What-,” is his only reply before you repeat yourself louder this time.

“HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?!” Your eyes shutting, fists clenching at your sides, for just a moment trying to contain your tears, before you open them and stare him directly in the eyes.

“Maybe a month or two?” he replies hesitantly. Trying to step towards you once more leading you to stand behind the desk, not wanting him near you. You grip the back of his chair.

“Two months….!”, you whisper shout, your hand going to your chest, all the air leaving your lungs. You close your eyes and sit in his chair, still trying to keep your tears at bay, and control all your emotions at once. Your hands cradle your head as the information swirls around in your head.

“I know this seems bad, but –,” he begins, moving closer to you while you’re distracted, but before he can get too close. As he reaches the side of the desk, your eyes snap open and you cut him off once more too hurt and angry to be patient and listen to his excuses.

“No Alexander, this doesn’t seem bad, it is bad. I can’t believe you would do this to me! We’ve been together for three years! Three years! After everything we’ve been through…” you pause and take a shuddering breath, “am I really that boring to you now..?” your mind starts racing with all your insecurities and the one screaming the loudest in your mind is your greatest fear of not being enough, never being enough for him.

“No, of course not! (Y/N), I love you -,” he tries to soothe your worries, rushing to your side, down on his knees in front of you, but it’s too late they’ve settled in you.

“Do you?”, you question, doubt and heartache filling you up, as you shy away from him. “I knew it, I knew this would happen, I knew my time with you was running out, but I thought you really loved me, I thought that this could work…” you trail off your tears falling now, not able to hold them back any longer.

“It can work, it does!” he cuts off your rambling, and as he reaches for you, you cringe away the pain inside you telling you to runaway from this. You abruptly stand from the chair and back away towards the door looking to your escape from the heartache, betrayal, and doubt that has now filled you completely. Alexander stares at you, eyes beginning to widen with panic.

“No,” you whisper almost to yourself, shaking your head, disagreeing. Alex is still kneeled by the chair looking at you with pain and shame of his own. “This can’t work,” you continue, “you’ve just proven that.” You state, just steps away from the door. “I can’t do this,…” you whisper once more as he jumps from his position, “I won’t do this,” and you reach for the door knob and run to the elevator, hearing him shout your name, begging you not to go, before the doors close. As soon as you reach the lobby you run to the parking lot, trying to make it to your car before he caught you by the arm.

“Wait, (Y/N) please,” he says holding onto your arm, tears of his own filling his eyes.

“No, Alexander,” you say tears rolling down your cheeks. You rip arm out of his grasp, “you don’t get act like you’re the one that’s hurt when you decided to fuck someone else without thinking about what it might do to us.” You unlock your car, hand on the handle of the door as you look at him, “you don’t get to make me feel sorry for you.” You open the door and slide into your car, pulling out of the parking lot, running away from the man you have loved more than anything, the man who just broke your heart, and turned your world upside down.

Alex is left in the parking lot staring after you car as you speed away, feeling the ache in his chest growing as you drive further away. He grips his hair and screams into the empty parking lot, as he realizes what he’s done.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

You decide to head to the Schuylers apartment knowing that at least Maria and Eliza would be there on a Friday night. Peggy and Angie usually worked late. When you knock on the door you are greeted with a laughing Maria, but as soon as she sees you her face falls, which causes Eliza to approach from her seat on the couch. She looks over Marias shoulder and as soon as she sees your tear stained face and red eyes, she pulls you into the apartment and into a hug at once.

You fall into her and cry once more. Maria looks at you both with worried eyes, placing a hand on your back, as body shaking sobs rake through you, and Eliza holds you up. They lead you to the couch, while Eliza comforts you, your head on her shoulder, clutching onto her. Maria gets you a glass of water. She hands you the water and gingerly prompts you take a few sips. Once you’ve calmed a bit. They exchange a glance.

“What happened, hon?” Eliza asks you, her arm still around your shoulders while Maria sits on the coffee table in front of you and takes your left hand.

You take a breath before you reply. “I walked in on Alex and another girl nearly going at it…..”, you go on and explain the whole ordeal to them, trying not to break down again.
Eliza looks at you with sympathy, worry, and sadness for your situation, while Maria looks utterly pissed off.

“How dare he?! After everything you both have been through together! I can’t believe this!”, she says in pure frustration. “He gets jealous if a guy stares at you the wrong way, but he can go sleep with someone else?!”
Eliza grabs Marias hand and looks at her in warning, shaking her head, silently telling her not to do this right now. Maria sighs and looks to you “I’m sorry (Y/N), it’s just you deserve so much better, you didn’t deserve this.” You nod your head and pat her hand in forgiveness, even though she didn’t need to apologize. Both girls hug you on each side trying to give you some comfort from the pain. You eyes become watery as you think of Alex, this time the tears taking you into a deep sleep…….

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Alex POV

What have I done? What the hell is wrong with me? Why? Why did I do this? She’s gone. She ran out, she left with tears and heartbreak in her eyes. Hurt and pain that I caused. He paces back and forth, his hands gripping his hair. He drove home to see if he could catch you, but when he arrived you were no where to be found. He picks up his phone and tries to reach you, even though he knows you probably don’t want to hear from him.

He tries to call you, but it goes to voice mail everytime. He tries texting you, still nothing. You either turned your phone off, or you’re just ignoring him. But what if she got in a car accident because she was so distraught? He thinks, Oh God! Please! Don’t let anything happen to her, she’s my everything…she’s my entire world.

I can’t just give her up. I can get into my car and go look for her, but she’ll probably just avoid me anyway…..there has to be someway to reach her….ELIZA! He realizes that if you went anywhere besides home it would be to the Schuylers. He dials Eliza’s number as the phone rings, praying that he gets an answer.

~ * ~ *~ *~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *~

Once you had fallen asleep the girls gently laid you on the couch, covered you with a blanket and tucked a pillow under your head. They moved to one of the bedrooms to talk, so they didn’t wake you.

“I can’t believe Alex did this to (Y/N). She’s the best thing that ever happened to him, and he wants to throw their relationship out the window for a piece of ass?!”, Maria whisper shouted.

“Darling, calm down. I agree that Alex has acted foolishly in regards to (Y/N), but he’s called her about 46 times already. Not to mention us about 20. Shouldn’t we at least let him know she’s safe?”, Eliza tries to reason with her outraged girlfriend, although she’s just as upset with Alexander. She feels it’s the right thing to do.

“No. Let him feel guilty. He deserves it.”, Maria replies with out a moments hesitation, arms folded across her chest. Eliza responds with a simple look that says ‘it’s the right thing to do’. Maria let’s out a sigh, throwing her hands in the air, “Fine, but don’t call him,” raising a finger at her good hearted girlfriend in warning. “Call the boys and tell them to go check on him and make sure he doesn’t do anything else stupid, no details babe, let him tell them what he did. If she had to relive it so does he.” She folds her arms in finality. Eliza nods in agreement and calls John.

“John, it’s Liza. You need to go check on Alex……no he’s not hurt..”, yet, she thinks, “look something happened between him and (Y/N) and I just want to make sure he doesn’t do something reckless, so you boys better go check on him………just ask him to tell you….okay? Alright, talk to you later John.” She hangs up the phone and gives Maria a nod and a sigh, then decides to call Angelica and Peggy, who you weren’t home yet, and fill them in on the situation. Both women were far from pleased and made it home as fast as possible to try and console their friend in her time of need.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

John was worried and confused. What could’ve happened between the two of you? You were one of the happiest couples he knew and more than that, you were best friends before you even started dating. You were the only woman he thought could put up with Alex, and he knew Alex loved you more than anything. So, when Eliza called him and told him to gather the boys and go check on him, John was more than a little worried.

“Eliza didn’t tell you anything?”, Laf said, driving towards your and Alex’s apartment, just as worried as John was.
“All she said was that something happened between Alex and (Y/N), and that we needed to check on him to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid.” John sighs from the passenger seat, growing more anxious about the situation with each passing minute.

“I’m sure they just got into an argument and we need to calm the situation on his end,” Hercules says from the backseat. “Regardless, it won’t help if we all get worked up before we even know anything,” He says, always the voice of reason, although he was just as worried as his other friends. He knew the two of you never had an argument you couldn’t resolve yourselves, but there’s a first time for everything right?

As they pull up to the apartment, they all give each other a look and hop out of the car. John is the first one to walk in, followed by Lafayette and Hercules. Immediately they see objects thrown about and see Alex coming from the bedroom mumbling to himself.

“Alex?”, John calls to him, announcing their presence. Alex’s head snaps up his eyes are wild and his hair is a mess, he’s been running his fingers through it and pulling on it. His attire looks just as ragged.

“She left her clothes, her toothbrush, her favorite slippers, the down feather blanket I got hee for christmas. All hee stuff is here, she has to comeback.” He says mostly to himself, continuing his pacing. He stops to look at his ftiends, “Even if it is just to pick up her stuff, she has to comeback, right?”, he asks eyes still wild. “I’ll have a chance to explain myself, she won’t answer my calls or texts, but she has to comeback, she has to….”, he mumbles as he trails off.

All three boys share a concerned look before John asks, “Alex, what happened?”, and none of the boys had ever seen Alex look so devastated as they did in that moment.

They saw tears form in his eyes as he gripped his hair in his hands, fell to his knees, his head in hands, and simply said, “I broke her heart,” he looked up at his friends and confessed, “I’ve been cheating on (Y/N) for two months, and she walked in on me and a coworker, and I’ve hurt the most beautiful thing in my life, the most precious person to me, and for WHAT?!”

Johns brow furrows as he thinks about what coworker, he could be talking about, as it hits him. “Alexander, please tell me you haven’t been sleeping with Kimberly,” he looks at his friend to deny what he just said.

Alex just looks at John in defeat as he hangs his head, “I fucked up, big time, and God knows I don’t deserve her, but I swear, I will get her back and treat her the way she deserves.” He looks up at the ceiling, “I will endeavor to be worthy of her.” He rises to his feet, talking mostly to himself once more, “I will give her the world even if she decides to hate me for the rest of her life.” New determination burns in his eyes as he continues, “I will love her as long as I live, and probably long after.”

The boys stand in shock, not knowing what to say. They were disappointed in their friend, Laf looked down at his friend, “Mon ami, why would you do this?” he asks genuinely confused by Alexander’s actions. Alex looks up at Laf, eyes red.

“I don’t know,” he says looking down, “because she was there, and I could, I don’t know, because I’m a shit, I don’t fucking know,” he stares up at Laf again, “I honestly don’t fucking know, and I’ve messed up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Lafayette gives a nod and goes to stand next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. John and Hercules share a look and join their friends, and both give Alex a reassuring pat. Alex looks at each of them before silent tears fall down his face, he had to get you back, he had to….

The door of my heart was open for you since the first time I met you.
It stayed that way in all conditions.
Some days I was nearly frozen to death.
The other days the rays of the sun were killing me.
But the door stayed open and I kept smiling and my heart had a place for you.
But then one night you came in with glass bottles and broke them all inside me.
I bled for months and some glass shards are still stuck in my heart.
But they don’t hurt anymore, my heart has accepted them as its part.
They have strengthened it and now those parts glitter.
After that night, I bled all over.
I kept shutting my door but opening it over and over.
Everytime it was shut I would wonder if you were out, waiting to apologise, waiting to talk.
So I’d open up again, I’d be brave.
But once the door was open all I could see was the mess you made.
There was no sign of you but you left behind trails of pain.
After months of this game - open, close, wonder, open, disappoint, close; the doors are finally open for good.
My heart is smiling, and it is brave.
The doors are open but no more for monsters like you.
I now have a great security system- intuition. And this time it isn’t broken; this time I will not ignore it.

Griffith’s smiles are very painful to see.

Right from early golden age I’ve noticed Griffith has a tendency to sort of face painful situations with this smile. And in each case this expression comes immediately after a panel in which he has a very somber expression. You can  see him steeling himself to put it on in that panel. You can almost see the transition from sad understanding to this false wall of- “Don’t mind it. Everything will be okay!”

This just hits me in the gut every single time. Everytime I see this panel I just feel so goddamn emotional. Because somehow in this moment you feel the burden that he feels. 

And this picture just says it all. It’s finally a corporal representation of what has most probably been going on so long. The complete dichotomy between his words and the gory bleeding arms. And this makes me so sad and yet any less and neither Berserk nor Griffith’s character would be the masterpiece that it is today.

A letter I wrote to my ex after he left.

I just can’t fucking stand this. I can’t stand the constant wanting to text you everytime something good or bad happens. I can’t stand the wanting to drive by the shop on my way to work even though its the longer way just to see if I can see you and smile, even though now it only brings me pain. I can’t stand the not being able to change my phone background or your contact names because I’m pathetic. I can’t stand the not being able to delete all the 450 pictures off my phone so I can go back and relive those memories. I cant stand seeing huskies and knowing I cant see my favorite one again. I can’t stand seeing relationship stuff and wanting to share it with you but knowing I can’t because its gone. I can’t stand checking my phone every five minutes to see if you texted or ever time my phone goes off getting butterflies because I’m hoping its you. I can’t stand listening to everyone talk crap about you because I know none of its true. I can’t stand looking at Ophelia because she was supposed to be yours too. I can’t stand not being able to eat or sleep because I just feel sick and relive you leaving everytime I close my eyes. I can’t stand that car you bought or the card in my wallet. I can’t stand myself because I know I wasn’t good enough to be with you. I can’t stand the tears anymore. I can’t stand that everyone wants me to hate you when all I want to do is love you. I can’t stand knowing you’ll never get this message because I don’t want to scare you. I can’t stand you not loving me the way you love her. I can’t stand missing your family as much as I miss mine. I can’t stand seeming crazy because I actually have feelings. I just want to sleep. I just want to smile. I just want to feel loved and know I have security in something but everythings come crashing.

Thank You, Mokuba

“They’re more than fiction. They were there for me even if they weren’t real. They were there when you weren’t. They’re more than you think they are.”

-By behindtheplottwist

(Warning: This ended up being longer than I intended. Forgive me!)

Yugioh was one of the first anime shows I watched growing up. When I was little, I hated Kaiba. The villian is always the bad guy right? Such arrogance that matched a black heart. So why should I cheer for him? Why would anyone? 

But you did Mokuba. 

I wanted Yugi to win, like the main hero always does, and he did. Over and over again. But when you first came on that screen, I never knew how much a fictional character could have such an impact on my life. You didn’t get a big role. You were the little brother. Seto Kaiba’s little brother. A supporting character. No. Stop. You weren’t. You can’t be.

 Because why did I learn so much from you than everyone else? Why did your actions speak so much louder to me than the main cast ever could? 

Because you’re an inspiration

I saw Kaiba and saw a cruel narcissistic cold-hearted person. Then you came out of nowhere, a sweetheart, a sincere good little kid with a giant heart of pure gold and showed me something else.(Despite your manga and season 0 appearances)

 I saw a black heart gone cold. You saw a broken one. And you tried your best to keep it from completely falling apart into nothing. You stood by him. You supported him when no one else would. Why? There’s more to people than what you see on the outside. You taught me that. 

Then I heard about your family. I heard about your parents. The orphanage. The bullies. The pain. The suffering. The sadness. But still you smiled through it all. At your age, how did you continue to go on and live life dealing with what you did? Some of us still can’t even do it. I’m still struggling with it. Ignorance is bliss they say? No, don’t make me laugh. 

You knew what was going on.

 You cried on that swing, missing a father who may or may not have loved the son that took his wife away. You looked back at the relative that dropped you off in the orphanage and held on to your brother’s hand as you stared ahead into the faces of lost hope among the other orphans.When that monster walked into the orphanage, your face held worry. When he took you to your new “home”, you knew what was going on. That’s why you tried to reach out to your brother with those cards.  

Even when you’re brother ignored you while you lived in that vast empty mansion under you’re “step-father”, you still loved him. Even when he tried to kill you- you…still stood by him. Promised to wait for him forever. 

Forgave him.

How do you forgive so easily? 

Your flesh and blood hurt you. Neglected you. Abandoned you.

But still you love him anyway.

 Forgiving someone is one of the hardest and seems like one of the most impossible things to do. You did it even before Yugi reached the elevator to go duel your brother didn’t you. How? You really are amazing you know that? 

Because you didn’t see a monster, you saw someone hurt, broken and beaten down. 

You wanted to help.

You always wanted to support him. You know why he does the things he does. You know that having a difficult life doesn’t excuse him. 

After all, you lived that same life, walked down the same road, lost the same parents, shared the same past. Even though everyone forgets you were there too. 

When everyone else abandoned your brother, you didn’t. When no one believed in him, you did. You were there for him. Like he was there for you. Through you I saw a different person in him. 

Through you I learned what true unselfishness, devotion, kindness, and self-sacrificing is. 

You went through a lot…

 You’re mother died after giving birth to you. You never got a chance to meet her. Your father died after that. Your relatives stole and left you. Soon your brother left even if he was still in the same room as you with a different gaze and a different kind of “smile”. Your “new” father didn’t think you were worth a second glance and you were left alone in that house.

 You didn’t have parents to love you. You were convinced your brother did, even if he didn’t show it the right way. After all, he tried but he was still a kid himself. Then he neglected you and you tried to get him back. No matter what. Even when he tried killing you at Death-T. 

Those monsters appeared and you were just a kid-and the experience of death would have crippled you. Then you lost your brother to a coma. Then the kidnappings started. You had your soul taken away and abandoned to shadows in the darkness, alone. You were dangled from a helicopter. Brainwashed. Had your body taken over.

 Kid I could go on. 

But let me tell you something. You’re a soldier. A warrior. You were abused, abandoned, neglected, went through traumatic experiences, and the fact that you continue to smile is something that I cannot put into words or begin to even describe just how much volume that speaks.

 People say showing emotions is a sign of weakness. But you see differently. They see a moment of weakness but you see a moment of strength. Or maybe you’re just that freaking strong. 

Maybe, no one else can see the pain behind that smile. Even so, you keep trying. Because maybe one day, when you smile, your beloved big brother might really smile back at you.

My life was filled with abuse and depression hit me hard. Everytime I watched Yugioh, I felt like I was living through you guys. I saw you laugh and cry, just like I did. I forgot about my own pain when I saw you struggle with yours. 

I loved watching you and your brother.

Smiled and loved the bond between you two. Your devotion to each other is admirable.

Growing up, I learned so much from you than my parents who weren’t around, it makes me a better person today. 

You held my hand. You helped me get through tough times. Thank you Mokie.

The original Yugioh series ended a long time ago and I’m in my senior year of high school. I still rewatch epsiodes. 

Still love seeing Mokuba and Seto. Really miss them. So when I heard about the movie, I was so happy and excited. Especially when I heard the movie revolved around Kaiba.

 Don’t get me wrong, I grew to love him because of Mokuba, but Mokuba will always be my favorite character. 

So I was concerned when the brothers’ lockets were gone. Was concerned about rumors of Mokuba being dead. Then terrified and relieved when I saw Mokuba’s sketch in the cast for the new Yugioh movie.

 But they chopped all his hair off.

 I always loved it long, hope he kept it till adulthood. I hoped he was an adult! But unfortunately the movie is set 6 months after the original not 10 years.

 I always imagined him to grow up as a badass vice president with flaring trench coats and be just as sexy as his big bro :) Maybe be like those cool spy agents haha.

 So I was disappointed when I found out he wasn’t much older. 

But I loved the suit! It almost proves my headcannon that Mokuba won’t abandon Kaiba Corp when he gets older, he’ll still want to work there. 

 But I can’t express the excitement I felt when I saw this.

I’m even more excited now to see this movie! I was worried they’d make him look bad with the new haircut but its actually not that bad. 

It’s so much better than what I expected. Seeing him again, get older (even slightly) just brings back so much emotions I had to write this.

 Even though it’s not exactly what I want or was hoping for- I don’t even care I just wanna see Mokuba again.

 I’m just happy to see him again. 

Originally posted by doctordirectioner5

I wanna give behindtheplottwist the credit for the other pictures in the beginning, because it was originally his/her concept that I used for the Kaiba brothers pictures.  

So many BTS songs make me so nostalgic. Everytime Young Forever plays I can’t help reflecting back on so many important moments throughout my schooling and all the people and places left behind as I’ve graduated and moved on to adulthood. It causes me so much pain, and to see the members feeling something similar makes me cry everytime. I don’t know whether to love them for it, or hate them for it.

It’s been a whole year of course, and ended with a win, but everytime I think of Worlds 2016, all I can think of is Yuzuru lacing his boots so tight his feet went numb and that way he wouldn’t feel the pain.

It breaks my damn heart everytime.

We love the wins (and he does too), but take care of yourself Yuzuru. We want to see great skates, not admire shiny medals on a stand. 😊

Being South Asian, who are naturally hairy, along with being someone with PCOS and suffering from severe hirsutism for half of my life, it really amplifies these features/symptoms on my body, to the point where sometimes I get so overwhelmed and wonder how I’ve lived with this much hair on my body with no one noticing. When I say I’m hairy, I’m not joking, I’m hairy EVERYWHERE. Think of a hairy brown man, thick long and dark hair on every part of your body - not just ur legs and arms and tummy, I mean everywhere. Your back, backside, behind your legs, forearms, shoulders and upper back…

I’ve had thoughts of how when I die, will I still have this much hair on my body when the person washes my corpse? What if I get involved in an accident and I need an operation, how will they react to seeing so much hair? What about when a doctor or a nurse needs to check a wound, everytime I need to see a nurse and they ask me to roll up my sleeves or see a part of my body, will I have to constantly warn them that I have hirsutism, so don’t be shocked, don’t be surprised I have this much hair. What about the amount of pain and money investment in getting body lazer treatment done when I’m older? Knowing it can only lessen and not remove or grow back the same way the average woman’s body hair grows. When was the last time I showed my neck, my arms or back to my family? And marriage and children aren’t even an option, for many personal reasons, but this would be one of them.

Not everyone thinks of these things, not everyone even has to think of these things. But being South Asian, hairy and with PCOS, it can be so hard to stay positive sometimes. Having to think of all these scenarios of how I’ll carry myself and what I’ll do in these everyday life situations before it even happens, which people don’t even think twice about.

Tumblr has shown me a lot about body positivity and I try to stay as positive about my body as I possibly can. How to gracefully explain my condition and to not be ashamed of it, how to accept that I have this chronic condition and that I will never have control over it as much as I would like. But I can’t deny that it still does certainly affect every part of my life, and I really do worry about it sometimes.

i’m so envious of exo, not only do they perform and work almost all day but they workout too, and that’s not easy, muscle means soreness and it hurts like a bitch, but they dont show that pain and still do everything they do flawlessly

agustbirb  asked:

-kicks down door- MEGAN WAIT I WAS READING YOUR FAQ AND YOU LIKE PYO JIHOON. have you seen him perform zero for conduct live when he's in his suit and black hair bc honestly daddy p.o is real i melt everytime i watch it

agustbirb said: okay i swear last message but just in case you haven’t seen it or aren’t sure which one i’m talking about, you need to see this boy work it. youtube / watch?v=2i5SAHHxLJs

I love jihoon ;-;

I’ve seen him perform that song so many times and each time I die in painful ways. he’s just?? so damn aggressive?? then he winks and licks and it’s all just so rude and I cry so much

why is he like this

Originally posted by doom-dada-diggity

Avia's Birth Story (with pictures!)

To bring a child into this world has to be one of the most amazing experiences there is; at least in my opinion anyway. I was extremely fearful going into my induction and labor of Avia but actually going through it and reflecting back on delivering her - I have to say it was the most incredible thing I have ever done.

At 3pm on February 4th, I went in to my midwife’s office to start the induction process to bring Avia into this world. For those of you who don’t know, my daughter had been measuring three weeks behind gestationally and my midwife along with two other consulting physicians had felt it was in her best interest to bring her into this world as it would be easier to boost her up outside the womb. The plan was for her to place a Foley bulb in me, and then for me to go to my hospital for overnight. The Foley was supposed to further prep my body for labor, with the slight possibility of sending me into labor. It was to fall out at 4cm at which point, I would be administered pitocin. However, if I had not reached 4cm by 5 am the next day, it would be removed anyway and pitocin would begin.

My midwife placed the Foley in me, and it was not a pleasant experience. I felt an insane amount of terrible pain in my pelvic area as she was doing so, that felt like the worst period cramps imaginable. After she had placed it in me, that pain subsided and I was left with slight cramps that really were more uncomfortable than painful. I was 2 cm and 90% effaced at this time.

My mother in law and I drove to the hospital to get settled into our room and on the drive over, I noticed the slight cramps starting to get more painful and having slight rises and falls of pain. I dismissed it as just plain ole cramping as my midwife had said that was to be expected. However, when we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, it became very apparent to me that it was not plain ole cramping as the pain got pretty bad, and I could literally feel the fall of it after it hit its peak. We registered at the hospital and the pain intensified even more, and they wheeled me up to L&D. What was SO COOL though, was the room I got was the same exact room that my birthing class had explored during my tour of the hospital a few weeks prior. Here are some pictures:

As soon as I got into my room and got settled a little bit, I was hooked up to the monitors to check Avia’s heartrate and to see if I was contracting. At this point, I was really starting to get bothered by the pain I was having. However, I smiled through it and took this picture (that I had posted for you guys!)

It was found that I was indeed having contractions less than a minute apart from one another. I didn’t know whether or not to consider myself in active labor at that point. About a half hour after being initially hooked up, the pain got.. so. freaking. terrible. I was having the utmost difficulty not holding my breath and Joey’s mother kept coaching me through different breathing techniques. The pain got so bad that I found myself going between wanting to sit, wanting to stand, and wanting to walk to try to find ways to subside it - and being unsuccessful with each way I tried. I Skype called Joey at this point (it was free time for him) and couldn’t continue on a conversation as when a contraction hit, it really hit.

My midwife visited me that evening and said how it seemed I was indeed in active labor and that if I wanted, she could have some pain medication administered to me to help take the edge off the contractions called Nubane (probably spelled that wrong). It wouldn’t hurt the baby at all, and it wouldn’t have any bad effects on me, so I gratefully took it. I nearly lost my crap though when I got it however. They put it through my IV and I started laughing for about five minutes after once they did, as the relief was immediate and I was so shocked. Apparently however, I got REALLY loopy from it. Both Joey’s mother, and Joey (who I continued to Skype that evening until he had lights out) told me later that I got extremely goofy and extremely loopy from it. To be perfectly honest, I do not remember much after I got it as I felt just super drowsy from it.

That night was not fun though. The Nubane wore off around midnight and although I got another dosage around midnight, it seemed that wore off faster too. The pain from the contractions intensified even more than they had been before and started to last longer around 2am. I tried sleeping and didn’t manage it until really late/really early in the morning. Even then, it was about two or three hours of broken up sleep. The pain was too much.

Around 6:30 am, a nurse came in and said how they were going to take out my Foley, check my cervix for dilation, and then were going to call my midwife with their findings so as to know if she wanted to administer the pitocin right away, or what she wanted to do. To EVERYBODY’S surprise, I was found to be 6-7 cm dilated! We all were so shocked that the Foley hadn’t fallen out, honestly. I was still in a hell of a lot of pain though, so at that point - while waiting for word from my midwife on what we were going to do next - I asked for the epidural. AND HOLY CRAP GUYS IT WAS AMAZING

After I got it and it kicked in - I was on cloud nine. Seriously, I felt nothing waist down - and nothing contraction wise. I was still having strong contractions less than a minute apart from each other - but I didn’t feel a single thing; not even pressure. My moods were instantly lifted high and I was happy and joking with all the staff and Joey’s mother in law. My midwife came soon after I got the epidural and said how they weren’t looking at pitocin anymore and they were going to let me labor on my own. She rechecked me for dilation, and found I was progressing quite quickly and was at 7-8cm dilation after about a hour and half since being checked the last time (WHICH LET ME TELL YOU, I felt absolutely nothing. She was checking that cervix and I couldn’t even tell you that she was doing anything. It was fantasticcccccccccccccc.) I snapped this picture shortly after:

One hour later, I was checked and found to be at a solid 8cm, and I still wasn’t feeling anything physically. Instead, I found myself growing more and more excited about the fact that I was progressing so well and that my little girl would be there soon. She said to expect to deliver by noon, and that’s when Joey’s mom and I desperately started trying to get ahold of Joey.

The night before, we contacted the Red Cross who contacted the superiors of Joey’s base that I was in labor. He was told that he could Skype with me during the birth of our daughter, ONLY IF he finished the tests in class that he had to take the following day. If it happened during it, he could not stop to answer his phone or anything. 

He of course, did not answer us when we called (twas in the middle of his testing). See here, me checking my phone for what had to be the millionth time to see if he was there yet:

My midwife decided to help try to spur things along even faster, she would turn me onto my side and have my legs spread with the assistance of the peanut ball. It proved quite effective as about a hour later - I was a solid 9cm. Admittingly, I did start freaking out slightly at that point. I couldn’t get ahold of Joey and the way things were going at that time - I knew she was going to be making her appearance quite soon. I took a very small, very short nap (about twenty minutes) and was woken up by my midwife, who broke my water. Then, I started feeling intense pain despite the epidural - yet only in a very very small pocket in my lower right side. I didn’t mention to anyone at that time that I was feeling it. Here’s a picture of me around this time:

One hour later, I was found to not have progressed at all, so my midwife decided to give me the lowest dosage of pitocin to just speed things up. The pain I was feeling intensified like crazy, and I started clicking the button furiously everytime I could on my epidural as it was the most extreme pain I had felt the entire labor; that small little pocket. I was really having a difficult time with it, and got my midwife to try to see if she knew what it was and found that I was actually feeling Avia’s shoulder in position, ready to go; and it was rubbing against me. 

Right before my midwife said she was going to check me for cervix change, I let loose a giant sigh of relief as my phone FINALLY lit up with a Skype call from Joey. I started bawling while talking to him before I got checked; mainly out of happiness that we were actually getting our wish and he was going to kind of be there for Avia’s birth. I was struggling very badly with the pain but I kept saying over and over again to Joey that I loved him as I was an emotional blah at that point, haha.

I got checked and was found to be at 10 cm, and holy moly, all of a sudden it was time. IT WAS PUSHING TIME. Two nurses assisted in holding my legs up for me, and I held my hands behind my knees as I prepped for everything. Joey’s mom had the phone with Joey in Skype in one hand, and her camera in the other. Like I mentioned before, I didn’t feel the contractions - at all. I felt no pressure from pushing, no nothing except for that shoulder of Avia’s. As a result of this, I had my midwife tell me when to push. The best way I can describe pushing, is holding your breath and bearing down. It didn’t feel like pooping, and it didn’t feel like.. anything for me. I didn’t think I was doing anything though and after my second contraction, I ended up frustratingly screaming, “AM I EVEN DOING ANYTHING HERE?” which got me a few chuckles and all affirmative responses. Pushing was quite.. exhausting though. Holding my breath as I was, made me feel as if I was going to suffocate admittingly and I kept having to stop pushing to take gulps of air. After my third contraction, I started crying and repeating over and over ‘I love you’ to Joey, as the weight of what I was doing kind of SMASHED into me at that point. He and his mother (along with my midwife and the nurses) were coaching me and pushing me through the pushes, and so he kept telling me he loved me too. After my fourth contraction, my midwife grabbed my hand and led me to wear Avia’s head was poking out. And then I GAVE IT MY ALL MAN. During that fifth and final contraction, I pushed and pushed and pushed.. and then I felt a giant sensation of relief, and a little tiny being - my little tiny daughter - was placed on my abdomen, pink and covered in vernix.

Then, the most beautiful sound filled the room, as Avia started to feebly cry.

I kept saying over and over again, “Oh my god, oh my god” through tears of extreme happiness, and all you could hear from the Skype call from Joey was the sound of him bawling. I kept thinking about how tiny she was, even though she was bigger than I had expected her to be. Joey and I through our tears told each other we loved one another and Avia was taken over to get measured, weighed, and cleaned up. Joey’s mother followed with the phone and the camera as I birthed the placenta.

While all of this was going on, I witnessed the most adorable thing happen between Joey and Avia - and trust me when I say that the nurses were all talking about it up to my discharge. I was across the room doing all that lovely after birth stuff, watching Avia get cleaned up. She was wailing at that point, and all of a sudden I heard Joey start talking to her. “Don’t cry sweetheart, you’re okay. It’s okay Avia. You’re such a brave girl, it’s alright sweetheart.” INSTANTLY SHE FREAKING QUIETED. I’M NOT EVEN JOKING LIKE THEY CHECKED FOR EVERYTHING AND WERE LIFTING HER AND POKING AND PRODDING AND HIS VOICE CALMED HER DOWN and I started bawling from across the room watching it unfold.

Shortly after that, Joey and I found out the reason why Avia was so small. The way it was explained to us by my midwife, is that the umbilical cord was not attached to the placenta correctly. Normally, it is supposed to be attached in the middle of it whereas hers was attached at the very very bottom which caused her growth and weight to be as it was. 

I got two hours of skin to skin after that Joey was unfortunately unable to share in through Skype as he was only allowed to Skype during the birth and then immediately had to go back to class. However, we were so unbelievably blessed and grateful to have gotten what we did.

Avia Jacqueline was born at 37 weeks and 2 days gestation on 2/5/15 at 1:08pm after five contractions worth of pushing (and no tearing or anything for me!!), weighing 5lbs 9oz and measuring at 18 inches long. Precious baby girl, Momma and Daddy love you SO very very much.

There's A Rumor Being Spread About You

“Harry?” y/n whispered, wipping off the tears falling from her eyes.
Harry sat straight against the headboard, his body filling with worry. “Yes, darling? Everything alright?”
Y/n let out a silent cry, the thought of what happened earlier today killing her inside out. She knew she shouldn’t have came here, this always happened. There was no break, no place to breathe around here.
“Can you pick me up?”
After the words falling freely from her lips, Harry instantly shoved the songs that lay on his legs onto the bed.
“Of course. Do you want to talk about it? Where are you?” Harry asked softly as he slipped on proper shoes
He was so scared to talk to her with too much of a loud voice, scared that it was enough to break her. She sounded to vulnerable. She sounded like sadness was completely eating her alive; like she had given up.
“I’ll be at the entrance doors” she sobbed before hanging up.
She couldn’t speak anymore. Everything in her was completely breaking down, and she had no idea if she was able to hang on anymore. It was getting worse and worse by day, being accused of having a threesome with two basketball players at a party.
She didn’t even attend the party, she was with Harry for his birthday. It was just one big deal unfolding in school, and nobody had let it go.
Y/n slowly walked into the pouring rain, staring at the steps completely emotionless. Sliding her bag off her soulder, both her bag and her body fell onto the steps.
She had no feeling about anything anymore. She was completely numb at this point; not feeling anything at all anymore.
She knew if she kept coming here, this will completely kill her. She wanted to run away, run away from anything.
If only she had the strength.
She sat there, drowning in her thoughts until she saw a familiar car pull up to the school.
Picking up her bag from the steps, y/n slowly strided to her boyfriend’s car, not looking up from her feet yet. She was too ashamed to have Harry look at her while she was in a state like this.
Opening the car door, she quickly sat down on the seat, slamming the door shut. Even now, she refused to look at him. She didn’t want to talk about it. If she did, she would fall into a deep situation with herself.
Harry understood her silence, and drove slowly away from the school. Barely audible sniffles were made, and every single time he felt like she was going to break down, Harry made sure he checked on her.
Half way home, Harry noticed her breathing loudly. He knew she was over thinking everything, and he knew she was trying to make herself normal again. It wasn’t until a couple minutes later he noticed she was mumbling something under her breath, something so quiet he had to block out everything around him.
“Keep it in.”
“Keep it in.”
“Keep it in.”
“Keep all of it in.”
He frowned, instantly pulling over on the side of the road. He turned to her, touching her shoulder gentley as he nearly cried at the sight of his girlfriend rocking back and forth in the seat.
“Baby. I’m here. I am right here.” Harry whispered, grazing his finger tips along her shoulder.
Y/n finally looked at him, and seeing him there was enough for her to start screaming.
Harry instantly wrapped his arms around her, undoing her seatbelt so that he was able to lift her onto his lap.
She screamed into his chest, soaking the fabric of his shirt as tears rapidly fell down her face.
“I want it all to end! I want it to end!” Y/n screeched, punching his chest in agony.
Harry didn’t mind.
“They all—they all think I’m—they all think I—”
“Hey hey, shh, breathe. Your throat will be burning if you keep screaming like this.”
Y/n slowed her breathing, gripping onto his shirt tighter everytime she felt like screaming.
Harry never loosened his grip on her, always rubbing her back. He has never seen her like this before. Screaming, sobbing, vulnerable. It was shocking to him to see what his girlfriend’s life was outside of what she’s told him.
He slowly grabbed her face, gentley lifting her head so that he can understand her pain; feel it.
“What’s got you like this?” Harry whispered, running the pads of his thumbs along her cheeks.
Y/n’s lip quivered, but she quickly blinked her tears away.
His caring side made her feel comfortable.
“When I was out for your birthday, there was a party at Maxs’ house. You know Max, I told you how fucked up he can be. But—but he told everybody that I had a threesome with him and his friends. He told everyone that I was seducing them purposely a—and that th—at I stripped for them. It’s awful. E—everyone believes it too. Everyone hates me now, Harry, everyone.” She sobbed, tucking her face in between his neck and shoulder.
Hiding into him was like hiding from the world.
Harry’s jaw clenched, staring straight into the world with rage in his eyes. How dare someone say that about her? How dare someone make her look like someone she isn’t? And the fact it was his girl made it worse.
Harry quickly planted a kiss on her neck, holding her tighter against him, as if it were possible.
“Nobody will fucking hurt you again, do you hear me? Never again.”

anonymous asked:

Everytime it pains me when I see you hate on TCC. I was lucky enough to see it live at one of the first representations and I swear, all of the flaws just sort of don't matter then. Yes, it's not perfect plot-wise (although honestly, it seems no worse to me than the rest of HP on that aspect), and I will never accept the idea of Cedric Diggory potentially becoming a death-eater for such trivial reason, but otherwise it's honestly so great to see live (or at least it was with the original cast)

It’s cool, you’re allowed to like it! Me hating it shouldn’t change your views, if you like it then you do you, don’t worry about me