Philip and Lukas sitting under the tree and holding hands and playing with each other’s fingers and smiling and laughing with each other and kissing each other saved my entire soul, it cleansed me, it rebuilt me as a better person, not a word of an exaggeration
I have nothing better to do than split hairs about sherlolly. Forgive me, it’s just that I’m still rewatching that amazing scene and I can’t really help myself.
So who loves you?
John suggests Irene Adler, because of the obvious attraction. But sex doesn’t equal love, and Sherlock does not associate Irene with love, he associates Molly. And it’s not just the natural ending of his deduction about the victim’s practicality about dead; Irene has lovers but she is a woman full of secrets so she is rather alone, and she’s far from innocent, I wouldn’t put past her amurder or two actually. Irene is a woman that will tell him I want you, like a new pet or a toy, she’s fascinated with him but in her brutal straightforwardness she would never speak of love, nor feel it in the selfless way it’s supposed to be felt. Don’t be ridiculous, he says to John, because John thought of her after the I love you, implying that she does love him, but SHerlock knows that hers is not love. He might be still quite dense on some things but he knows the difference between desire and sentiment.
He doesn’t espect for Irene to come to him when he calls or when he needs it, but he expects Molly to do it. It never occurred to him that she has not the strenght to provide whatever supports he needs because she’s always there, which is why he is upset that she ignores his call - But it’s me calling, and she can ignore someone else but she could never ignore him, and it hurts his pride. In the middle of a crisis, with her apartament less than 3 minutes away from blowing up he is upset that she would, for any reason, consciously decide to pass up on a chance to speak to him. I think ti throws him off his game a bit, later, when she answer his call, because she did something he did not predict. And when she tells him quickly then he still has trouble finding the words, because Sherlock does not want to speak about love with her, in fact Eurus must push him with a tick-tock from Moriarty. Sherlock needs for her to say the words, but at the same time a part of him knows he’s possibly doing something he won’t be able to undo, and doesn’t want to hear her say the words, he is not ready for that. If it was Irene speaking about love he would be deducing how much of a lie that is and what’s her motive, what plan she has, where is the trick, but with Molly, if she says the words, even out of a script, there will still be love in it, because Molly is always painfully open.
I really loved when he says “No, I know you’re not an experiment. You’re my friend” with that hushing tone, like he wants to soothe her pain, because he’s truly sorry that he’s hurting her, because he knows she never valued her place in his life. He really didn’t give her much reason to, for a long time. Molly thought of herself as the one that doesn’t count, the one that is being John when he’s not around, but now she is important.
You know why - No I don’t know why. Really? He deduced that a long time ago at the Christmas party, and later her fiance was the bad copy of him, he can’t not know, he’s just refusing to see it because it scares him, It’s something bigger than he is, it’s something he doesn’t know how to handle or begin to deserve, so he’d rather not know. If she doesn’t love him he has no choice to make, no other way for him, no pother possible life to consider.
After she said it, he turns the switch and concentrate on the little girl again, interrupting Mycroft that is worried about him. Sherlock, however hard that was- that was a 3 minutes phone call and there’s no reason it should be hard on Sherlock unless Mycroft thinks that there was truth in his words. The fact that Sherlock ignores him and speaks to Eurus and concentrate on the next task is the equivalent of him trying to hide himself from what has just happened. He’s saved Molly’s life, and maybe he’s hurt her but it’s nothing irreparable, there’s no reason why he should feel like hiding himself away unless what he said was true. I won, I won, was basically him rubbing in Eurus face that he’s fine, that forcing him into that concersation did not upset him, but You didn’t win, you lost. Look what you did to her. Look what you did to yourself, all those complicated little emotions, I lost count. Emotional context, it destroys you, every time. Now please, pull yourself together, I need you at the peek of efficency, the next one isn’t going to be so easy. Today they are soldiers, five people died in front of him and he’s been lucid up to this moment, even while she spoke he stayed immobile and apparently calm but she knows the damage she’s done, the walls she tore down, which is why she says pull yourself together. She had fun pushing the one button that could send Sherlock into a turmoil and then told him to pull yourself together. She kicked someone that was on the ground and then asked them what were they doing crawling on the floor.
And the coffin’s lid it’s been bothering so much, in a good way, because it was such a beautiful scene and I got why he smashed the coffin, but the exact reason for closing the coffin before doing so just escaped me, until I connected the dots too. I know Smith’s words were true and applied perfectly to the phone call but I did not realize it applied to this moment too. You can’t take it back, you can’t un-say it. Once you’ve opened your heart you can’t close it again. That’s what Sherlock is trying to do, he’s trying to get over the inner turmoil, the words she made him say have made come to light things he’d rather not know so he’s trying to phisically close his heart. Mycroft knows that something snapped inside Sherlock, which is why he stands still on the door and just watched him close the coffin without trying to make him follow as John does.
So many days unlived, so many words unspoken, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. So Eurus forced them to say the so many words unspoken, and if one of them should die that day at least they have been honest with each other, said those words that they would have regretted. In a tortuos way it was thoughtful of her, wasn’t it?
This isn’t torture, this is vivisection -
Eurus has cut him open to see what there was on the inside. And there was Molly.
honestly I love you and your blog so much and I just feel like I can leave this here bc you will understand the pain it causes me: so this is sin just forewarning you okay cassian is sweet and is always nice and gentle with nesta (unless she says otherwise) but sometimes cassian uses his commander/general voice in bed and nesta loves it like they're going at it and all of the sudden he grabs her hip with his hand and growls in her ear "be still" like he's commanding his troops and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
(I am…always here for sin friend. you can always leave this stuff
with me yes you can. and I am always here for Cass using his commander voice in
bed, oh yes….somehow this turned into a little drabble?? I don’t know what to
tell you, anyway…Obviously NSFW)
Nesta moans loudly, arching her hips against Cassian, meeting him as
he thrust into her. He’s over her, deep inside her, the heavy weight of his
hips pressing into hers with every movement, his wings spread wide over them,
enveloping them, blocking out the world. All she can see is a great black sky,
blazing with thin rivers of fire and slashed with faint white lines, remnants
of the scars from when the King’s power shredded through it at Hybern.
With a soft
whimper, Nesta stretches a hand up, brushing it lightly over the membrane and
Cassian snarls, hips jerking into hers. “Nesta,” he snarls at
her in warming but she just growls right back at him, raising her hand again to
brush his wings again in warning but then he stops and she whines in protest,
lifting her hips and trying to encourage him to move again. She had been so
close and damn him
he had known it, could feel it burning through their bond as surely as she
could feel what she was doing to him.
One of his broad, rough hands curls around her waist, pressing her
down firmly against the mattress. His voice is low, rumbling through her body
as he orders, “Be still.” She freezes, panting and looking up at him. He
rarely speaks to her this way in bed but when he does…
A faint smirk tugs at Cassian’s lips as he looks down at her, gently
sweeping her hair away from her face, cradling her cheek in his
hand. “Good,” he says, his voice still that deep, commanding purr. She
whines, struggling not to buck her hips against his in an effort to make him
move again, needing this, needing him. “Cassian.”
He chuckles at that, “You have no patience, sweetheart,” he
murmurs lightly, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her lips, rolling his
hips gently, too gently, into hers again.
“No,” she snaps, “I don’t. Now get on with it.”
Her hands rise again, making to rake down his wings but with a
soft growl he captures them both in one hand and pins her wrists down over her
head, a soft, wicked smile curling his lips. “Behave,” he orders her
quietly, his fingers easing gently through her folds, finding that spot that
has her head tilting back, her lips parting to allow the faint moans he’s
coaxing out of her to spill from her lips.
“Cass,” she whispers, her body shaking with need. She trusts him
completely but she needs him to move, she needs to come, and he knows it.
He smiles, nuzzling at her neck, nipping gently with his
teeth, “Say please,” he teases her, grinning against her skin.
because our SoSoo ship went down so tragically, i’ll just choose to think about the parts of their moments together we didn’t get to see
1.) in episode 14 when So took Soo out stargazing on her birthday, they probably continued to hold hands on their way to their spot (after Soo placed her hand on So’s hand like that, I can’t imagine So just letting it go)
2.) in episode 14 when they shared their first mutual kiss, none of us know how long that kiss lasted, just imagine their smiling faces after that kiss, with So being a giddy little puppy because finally she’s all his
3.) in episode 16 during their reunion, they spent two nights together and we only got to see 6 minutes of it, playing with shadows and feeding each other. what about their little talks in between? catching up on what happened to each other for the past 2 years? getting dressed in front of each other because that room was so small? So trying to sneak in some cuddle time every 2 minutes? because we all know his thing about back hugs
4.) in episode 16 during their stargazing, you can’t tell me the only conversation they had was about Pegasus. they probably just randomly mentioned trivial things that didn’t really matter but both found it interesting just because the person talking about it meant the world to them. probably laughing at each others’ stupidest jokes like a bunch of idiots. how long do you think were they intertwined like that before Ji Mong arrived?
5.) in episode 17 when Soo fell asleep in So’s room, she woke up lying down with a blanket over her when in fact it was So who fell asleep on her lap. imagine So waking up, carrying her carefully into a lying position and lovingly putting a blanket over her, smiling sweetly at his love’s sleeping face before leaving for king/emperor duties
6.) in episode 17 when So would work in Soo’s room, or eat dinner with her, their conversations were so cute and full of fluff i bet that lasted the whole time So was there, because they bicker like an old married couple most of the time and it wouldn’t be a surprise. it would’ve been so cute to see So having to leave her room because it was getting late, and they say “good night” and “sleep well” to each other (ugh the feels)
7.) and just basically in the early episodes up until episode 8 when they would accidentally run into each other or when they go on little walks together, they never show us what happens before they part, but i’m 100% sure So walks Soo back to the palace or back to her room because he’s a gentleman like that and he is the sweetest little puppy ever
i choose to remember them like this, because i refuse to believe it was a love wasted
i know they’ll remember these memories between them forever and ever, and so will i
I think these two are very well matched in the love department. They have completely different ways expressing their love, and they don’t exactly dish it out to the same number of people but I think they both feel it in much the same way. Nesta and Cassian’s love is intense and fierce and passionate and all-consuming. Neither of these characters have any room in their lives for half-measures when it comes to love. They love with their whole being or else what’s the point in it?
I think love is also the biggest driving force for both of these characters. It’s the thing that keeps them going, love for their family in particular. And I think that, in each other, they’ve finally found someone who can share that love with them. Someone who understands. I think that scene in ACOMAF, where Cassian watches Nesta fight and argue with the queens and then steps up to swear that he will protect her and hers, that he can think of no nobler way to die than defending those who need it most, I think that’s when they first truly see one another and understand their similarities and that connection between them.
Because on the surface of it I’d genuinely challenge you to try and find two characters who are outwardly more different than Nesta and Cassian. He is warm and she is cold, he is open and she is reserved, he has a tender softness to him while she’s all hard steel. Yet beneath that, beneath those surface layers I think their hearts are alike. They’re both so intense and fierce and loyal and devoted. And they’ve finally found someone who can not only handle that fire but meet it with their own.
Nessian + Home:
I think home is a concept that both of these characters have struggled with. Cassian, bastard born and left to fend for himself never had a true home until Rhys’ mother took him in. And even then I think there was always a part of him who felt, no matter her kindness, that it wasn’t completely his. And now he’s divided between the Court of Dreams and Velaris and the war camps.
And Nesta. I don’t think Nesta has ever felt at home anywhere. Not even in her own skin. I think Nesta has struggled to find somewhere that she belongs, a place where she truly has a purpose, a place where she really means something, a place where she’s not just a burden for whoever else is there looking after her.
I like the idea of these two, who have always struggled to find a place to call home, realising that their home can be a person- that it can be each other.
House wise I don’t think they go for anything all that elaborate. I don’t think Nesta relishes living in poverty but she wasn’t exactly very comfortable in that giant manor house with all its servants either. I think their place is reasonably sized and, surprisingly enough, Nesta gives Cass pretty much free-reign over how to decorate it, she’s not really sure.
He makes sure to include her anyway and they go shopping for things together. It ends up being quite dark colour scheme wise, but warm dark. Lots of deep reds and rich purples and warm browns. it somehow manages to strike a perfect balance between elegant and homey which suits them perfectly. Their home is comfortable and rich without being lavish or fussy. And it’s relatively small and cosy, neither of them wants a huge house with empty, echoing spaces and rooms they can’t properly fill and will never use.
Nessian + birth:
The Inner circle has confronted The War, Amarantha, the King of Hybern, and Amren in a bad mood. All of those things combined were not enough to prepare them for Nesta pregnant/in labour.
Nesta suffers while she is pregnant.
Her morning sickness is horrendous, Cassian spends three solid months holding her hair and rubbing her back while she curses at him (very colourfully. He learns quickly not to laugh at these curses, they are not meant to be amusing. She will kill him if he does that again) between retching.
She has seriously horrendous mood swings. One minute she’s screaming at Cassian and threatening to ‘un-mate’ him because there’s a stray sock lying on their floor. The next she’s sobbing uncontrollably in his arms because she’s sorry, it’s just a sock, it doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t she loves him so much. They all have a lot of fun with her while she’s like this (Azriel suggests, very seriously, taking a nine month holiday with Mor. She’s tempted to take him up on that offer) Rhys is nearly decapitated on a weekly basis.
When they visit a healer to make sure everything is progressing as it should they’re told she’s having twins. Nesta looks from herself, to Cassian, to her slightly swelling belly in abject horror. Nesta is fairly delicately built, she’s slim and slender, she has a dancer’s body. Cassian meanwhile is, well, ‘hulking’ when she’s feeling generous ‘fukcing enormous’ when she’s not. And she has to carry not one but two of his monster children at the same time???
Cassian does worry about her a few times during the pregnancy because it does take quite the toll on her. But Nesta is very resolute and she gets through this pregnancy like a trooper. Sadly things don’t really improve as she gets further on.
She does get over the morning sickness, that eventually stops. And the mood swings settle, she ends up being ‘completely and utterly infuriated with everything’ as a constant default setting, that’s okay. Most unfortunately she also starts getting big and monstrously uncomfortable. And she pitches very rapidly from ‘I am not an invalid Cassian don’t you dare try and help me’ to ‘Cassian I am carrying your monster children over here the least you can do is help me????’ Cassian is up and down like a yo-yo with her but he’s literally never been more hearteyes over her in his entire life. The angrier she gets the more he falls in love because look how much his lady is going through to bring his gorgeous babies into the world. Appreciate her dammit.
Babies are also incredibly active. They move around a lot. They kick a lot (to Cassian’s complete and utter delight and Nesta’s complete and utter it’s three o’clock in the morning stop moving) and by like seven or eight months Nesta is just like…I’m never doing this again. If you want more kids you can have them. I don’t think that’s how it works sweet- *death ray glare* I will have them, I will have all of the future children I promise.
I feel like Nesta goes into labour at like…the worst time ever. I also feel like she’s early and she goes into complete and utter denial about it. She’s a couple of weeks out and Cass gets pulled away for some discipline issues in the camps and she shoos him away because it’s fine, I’m not due for three weeks, go.
Cassian goes. Nesta decides that she’s not letting a little thing like pregnancy and common sense stop her enjoying herself so she goes out to lunch with the ladies. Her contractions start at the table just as they’re about to have tea and she just oh no, no you don’t, you can just damn well wait so you can, I’m not ready, your father isn’t here, don’t you pull this shit with me. Elain tries to reassure her that she might just be having a few practice contractions, she’s had them sometimes, it’ll be fine.
One minute and a smashed teacup later and things are decidedly not fine. Her water has broken and Elain is rolling up her sleeves and announcing that they’re just going to have to accept and deal with this situation. Nesta is flatly informing her that no, no they will not she’s just going to get these children told and they’re going to stay put so they are. She is their mother, they will listen to her.
Elain has already taken charge of the situation as she is, at this point, a dab hand at pregnancy and labour and well aware that babies wait for no-one. When they’re ready, they’re ready. Feyre is ordered into helping find her pillows and towels to keep Nesta comfortable (I am not having my children in the back room of a teashop Elain!) meanwhile Mor is dispatched to winnow through every single war camp until she finds Cassian and then she is to bring him here immediately, Elain doesn’t care what he’s doing. (People don’t argue with Elain when she uses That Voice, they just don’t)
Elain makes a lot of polite apologies to the rather frazzled shop owner and Feyre pulls the High Lady card to clear the little shop and give them space, then she sends for a healer. Elain meanwhile is calmly telling them that they’re probably going to have to deliver them here, you know, things are progressing quite quickly. Feyre and Nesta are both a bit kind of !!! at this point and how can you be this relaxed?? But this is what Elain excels at, really.
Nesta does have a bit of a panic because by this point Elain has very decidedly coaxed her out of her leggings, onto a comfortable position on the floor and things have started to get mighty painful. She squishes Feyre’s hand and curses Cassian a lot but she can only keep up the act so long because then it sinks in. She’s giving birth to her first child and her mate isn’t here and she’s scared.
Elain keeps her as calm as possible, holding her hand and stroking her hair and sponging her forehead with a damp cloth. And at the same time growling at Feyre to contact Mor and tell her to hurry up. Cassian does manage to appear just in time looking very frazzled with an irked Mor at his side.
He just dives into this tiny little tea shop knocking tables aside in his agitation to get to his mate. Nesta has quite a mixed response at seeing him. Half of her sort of, bursts into very relieved tears at the sight of him hurrying towards her. The other half growls furiously at him and starts demanding to know where he was and why he left her like this and she’s in labour and he wasn’t here and and and- both at the same time so it’s a bit of a mess.
Nesta does manage to decide (and communicate) that she wants Cassian to be beside her for this. Feyre moves away and gives Cass her spot beside her while Elain continues her measured instructions on what to do, as though she delivers her sister’s babies every day, it’s no big deal really.
Cassian gets his hand very, very soundly crushed by Nesta (and he does not object to this in the slightest, whatever helps you sweetheart) because this hurts and it’s entirely his fault. A)- for knocking her up in the first place and B)- for bestowing his sense of atrocious yet highly dramatic timing on their children. Cassian just strokes back her hair and nods and agrees with every curse filled assessment of him in between squeezing her hand and telling her how proud of her he is.
Baby one is born without any great drama (besides the whole tea shop late father thing) and Nesta takes one look at her and decides that this was all worth it, all of it, it really was….Then ten seconds later the other one starts to painfully makes its way into the world and she goes right back to nope, this was a terrible idea and we are never doing it again. Then the second one is born too and she’s changing her mind again because they’re so beautiful, Cass, they’re perfect.
All in, Nesta delivers two babies in under two hours and she’s completely and utterly exhausted by the end of it. Cassian gets very, very weepy when they present him with his daughters and is fairly convinced he’s never going to be able to use his left hand ever again but it’s completely and utterly worth it. His mate is incredible, his daughters are incredible and he’s just…so grateful for it all.
The inner circle arrive (Az coaxed out of hiding now that the danger of terrifying Nesta has more or less passed) and help get the little tea shop put back together and Nesta and her bubbas safely moved back home where they can be more comfortable. Everyone comes to visit and hold them and gush over them because they’re very adorable. Realising Nesta is completely knackered, Cassian gently shoos everyone off after a couple of hours to give them some peace.
Nesta flatly informs him once they’re alone that she never plans to sleep again, she has to keep watch over her babies, make sure they’re all right. Cassian presses a soft kiss to her forehead and very gently scoops the one she had been holding against her into his arms. He balances the two of them, one tucked in the crook of each arm, perfectly peaceful, and tells her to sleep, he can watch over all three of them.