– PART II
Kai Parker x Reader
word count: 4 567
summary: continues the story from part I …
* gif by me
Kai sat by her bedroom door all night, listening in to what was happening inside. Every time he heard her sob his heart broke all over again and he wanted so desperately to make it right; to wrap his arms around her, comfort her and see her smile… He was willing to do just about anything to make that happen. Though something troubled him very much – what she had said earlier about how he had apologized about everything but the thing she was upset about. As much as he tried to figure it out, the only thing that popped in his mind was linking Elena and Bonnie together, but that didn’t seem right. If it was about her friends, she would’ve told him which meant he had hurt her on a more personal level.
Around 3AM, after he was sure she was asleep, he flicked his wrist and slipped inside her bedroom. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to see inside – maybe broken picture frames or tossed clothes everywhere. What he saw however was completely different. Y/N had curled up on the bed hugging something and even in the darkness he could see her eyes were reddish and puffy. As he took a step towards her, he couldn’t help but smile for a second. His girl was hugging his sweatshirt, holding onto it as if her life depended on it.
A sigh left his lips and he leaned over her, gently brushing his fingers against her cheek. Instantly her heartbeat changed and his lips curled into a smile. “I am so sorry, Y/N. I ruined everything and I will never forgive myself for hurting you like this. But I will make it right. I promise”
Sunrays seeping through the curtains woke her up. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and for one blissful second she forgot everything that had happened the day before. She forgot how it had taken a second for one of her biggest dreams about her future to come crumbling down; about the tears she had shed, how her heart had been broken and her life had turned upside down in a blink of a eye… and then it all came rushing back, hitting her like a speeding truck. Her heart sank so low it felt as if it had gone through the mattress and the floor all the way to the basement. Her eyes quickly filled with tears but also, she couldn’t help but smile for a second… Because, yes, Kai had majorly screwed up and that hour she had thought he was gone had felt as if someone had thrown her in the deepest pits of Hell… but he was alive. He wasn’t gone. She hadn’t lost him even though she had lost something else and the emptiness in her heart only seemed to grow in that moment.
Y/N pushed off her blanket, not remembering when she had covered herself with it, and sat in her bed. Her feet found their way in her panda slippers while she tucked in Kai’s sweatshirt under her pillow before getting up and pulling a new set of clothes to change in. Not having him with her in the night had been so painful only thing that had helped her calm down and fall asleep had been hugging his shirt. Surely it would’ve been easier to open the door and let him inside because there was no doubt in her mind he had spent the night there. But no. Not until he realises what he had done.
When she opened the door, Kai was standing there just about to knock by the looks of it. His eyes were red and puffy with dark circles under them as if he hadn’t slept at all and she couldn’t help but notice he looked as broken as she felt. For a split second their eyes met she almost jumped into his arms.
“Morning.” he said quietly, not taking his eyes off hers. “I was just about t-to knock. Can we talk? Please, I need you to listen to me. You always listen to me and try to understand why I’ve done what I’ve done. Plea–”
Y/N pushed her way past him and headed down the stairs towards the kitchen with him on her tail. They made their way to the living room and she stopped almost immediately. He had made breakfast or more likely a small feast prepared for her, though the last thing she felt like doing was eating. Y/N wasn’t sure she even wanted to be awake in that moment. Being conscious hurt a lot more than the dream world her sub-conscience had created for her last night. For a second she glanced at him, wiped her runny nose with the back of her hand and without a word sat on the couch and when Kai sat next to her, she scooted away from him. A sigh left his lips and he tried to touch her hand but she pulled away.
“I got you something.” he pulled out a small paper bag. “Your phone was broken so I got you a new one. And since your memory card was intact, I took the liberty of putting it in.” he passed her the bag but she refused to take it and in the end, he left it on the couch between them. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should’ve been honest and tell you I was going to the wedding. That I was planning on using magic to create an illusion spell and trick everyone into thinking I was dead so we can leave. Y/N, you have to know, I never meant to hurt you in any way. I was trying to protect you –”
“And where did that get you?”
“Not where I wanted to.” he muttered. Y/N scoffed and started to get up when he gripped her wrist and pulled her back to the couch. “I shouldn’t have let Lilly Salvatore talk me into linking Elena and Bonnie either.”
“Wait. That’s what happened? It was her idea?”
Kai nodded. “I can’t undo the spell now. My death made it permanent and I know you are upset about it… but somehow, I don’t think that’s the think you are upset with me about. But I am still very sorry.”
“You are right. It’s not.” she held her voice firm, barely able to keep it from breaking. “Is that it?”
“I um – there is something else. “ he swallowed hard. “Tyler bit me… and I could’ve died all over again but I um, I can heal myself … siphoning the magic away. I should’ve told you that last night and I am really sorry and wait – where are you going?”
“College.“ Y/N took a cup with coffee and made her way up the stairs. Secrets… lies… it was all too much for her in that moment and being around him after everything.
“It’s spring break.” he got up after her. “What would you be doing there now?”
“Dropping out.” she stopped in the middle before turning towards him. “Kai, when I get here –” she took a short breath, nervously running her fingers through her hair. “—I want you gone. I need some time alone to figure things out and you being here is not helping.”
“You are breaking up with me?” he climbed up the stairs two at a time until he was standing barely a few inches from her. “But—you love me. You s-said –” he sighed, longing gazing into her eyes. “I don’t understand. Y/N, please, don’t do this. Without you there wouldn’t be a reason for me to go on.”
“I love you. I love you more than you can even imagine. More than I can understand or put into words.” he pleaded. “I’ll do anything just –“
“I don’t want you here when I come back.” she blinked back tears, trying hard to keep her voice firm. “I need time –”
“What does that mean?”
Y/N put her hand on his shoulder, rubbing it for a moment before awkwardly pulling away. “It means I need time to think. A day, or a week. I’ll call you. Until then – keep your distance.” she climbed to the top and stopped, glancing at him. “Don’t leave town without me, please.”
“I won’t.” he called after her. “But you shouldn’t drop out of college. It’s a rash decision. You are upset and you are not thinking clearly –”
“Stop telling me what to do!” she snapped. “You don’t get a say anymore.”
“I only want what’s best for you!”
“Really?” she snapped. “So that’s why you lied and got someone else beheaded to make sure everything is perfect for your illusion spell. Who was that by the way? Another innocent that got hurt in your ‘protecting my girl’ plan?”
“Who’s to say he didn’t had it coming?” he blurted out without thinking.
Y/N shook her head, placing her hand on her forehead for a moment. “I don’t think you understand how bad you’ve gotten. You are acting like the old you aga –”
“What do you care!!?!” he snapped back. “You just broke up with me. I am not your problem anymore.”
“Kai –” she started, watching him walk down the stairs.
Kai grabbed his jacket from the clothes rack and put his hand on the doorknob and took a breath. “I thought you were the one who got me. The only one who truly loved or gave a damn about me, I guess I was wrong. –” he shook his head and opened the door, vanishing from sight a few seconds later.
Y/N sat at the top of the stairs, leaving her coffee cup next to her and dropped her head in her hands. A couple tears escaped her eyes but she didn’t care enough to wipe them away. “But I do love you –” she whispered starring at the open door. “– more than anything.”
TWO WEEKS LATER
Y/N opened her eyes and pushed the blanket off her head, slipped her feet into her panda slippers and headed downstairs to make herself some coffee and something to eat… not that she was hungry. Her appetite had caught an air plane and went to a happier place the past couple of days. As much as it pained her to admit it – Kai had been right about her dropping out that day. In a way she would’ve done it anyways because leaving with him would’ve meant starting anew… but now she wasn’t sure what was going to happen between her and the man of her dreams nor what she should do. No one ever warned her that falling in love, being in love with someone would be both champagne and rainbows but also hurt like Hell. Like literal Hell. However, spending so many days away from Kai had helped her calm down a little and see things a little clearer. He really was keeping his distance like she had asked him to, which in truth bothered her and made her stomach tie to a nervous knot. Either he was respecting her wishes or… he had left town without her, breaking his promise.
Early morning sun lit up the kitchen when she got downstairs. For a moment she stopped at the door, bracing herself against the door frame. Her eyes fluttered closed and she could almost feel his breath on her neck, how his hands slid around her waist holding her towards him. But she knew it was all in her head, a trick of her imagination to help her cope with pushing away the person she loved the most. Y/N sighed, ran her fingers through her hair and started on the pot with coffee and breakfast whisking while blankly starring at what she was doing. Her thoughts and emotions were running wild and all she wanted was to call him, to hear his voice … to see him and his gorgeous ocean blue eyes she loved getting lost in. But every time she was about to tap the icon with his name on her phone her mind went blank. Every second away from him hurt more than the last, if that was even possible and she wondered if maybe she had made a mistake that night and the morning after. They could’ve left town, dealt with things somewhere else… together, not alone. Instead the heartbreak kept going on and on just like her actions in the kitchen and before she realized it, there was enough food for at least a dozen people prepared – waffles, pancakes and even a batch with cupcakes.
Y/N poured herself a large cup with coffee and leaned against the counter when the doorbell rang. Almost running towards the door, trying hard not to spill her cup, she made her way through the living room feeling a spark of hope that maybe just maybe that was Kai. That he had put the pieces together or had broken to pieces just like her, realising they can’t be apart. Though when the door swung open her hopes died just as fast as they had been born.
“Caroline? What are you doing here?” she said when her friend tackled her with a hug. “Wow easy. You are spilling my coffee.”
“Sorry.” smiled her friend apologetically and took a couple of steps inside, heading straight into the living room. That’s when Y/N noticed the dozen paper shopping bags. “You’ve been stuck in this house for two weeks. I came to see how you are – and my guess is hungry which is perfect because you look like a ghost, as if you might dissolve into atoms at any moment. How long haven’t you eaten?”
“I’m just not hungry. I’m stressed, broken, wrecked… my future slipped through my fingers.” she paused, glancing out the window. “I might stop at the soup kitchen later. Do some good for others. What’s with the bags?”
“Damon is really sorry for what he did.”
“I’m sure he is.” Y/N took a sip of coffee, glancing at Kai’s favorite spot on the comfy chair. “I’m sure Kai is… would be too, if he was here.”
Caroline placed the bags on the couch. “And those are gifts… for you.”
“And I am not taking a bribe from Damon the self-serving psychopath.” added Y/N.
“It’s not a bribe. You are starting anew which means new wardrobe, new everything.” said her friend enthusiastically. Caroline pulled out a light blue sundress to show her and sighed watching Y/N’s confused expression, her gaze drifting to the sweatshirt she was wearing which was definitely not hers. “This has to go –” she took a step towards her.
Y/N held out her hand. “S-stop. Caroline, I don’t need a new wardrobe or new anything. I need… a - a time machine to take me back to the time when I could actually have a family with the person I love, to have his kids and grow old with him. You know, away from this insanity where I don’t have to wake up every morning asking myself ‘is this the day some vampire is going to eat me’.”
“You can still have a family, kids and grow old with someone.” Caroline reminded her. “There is someone out there waiting for you. And you won’t be heartbroken forever. One day you will wake up and you would’ve moved on without realizing.”
Y/N took a step away from her, sat on the couch and took a sip of her coffee when she felt something warm to hot burn on her chest. Instantly she shot up and glanced at the shirt. “N-no. That was the only thing of him I had left… I –”
Caroline took a step towards her. “Maybe that’s a sign. Maybe –”
“Caroline –” started Y/N, “I know you are trying to help but… don’t. There are no words, no gifts… absolutely nothing that can make up for what I am going through at the moment. I know what’s best for me and – ” she paused, looking around. “D-did you hear that? Sounded like… Did I leave my bedroom window open?!”
“No. I didn’t hear a thing.” Caroline walked into the kitchen for a second, popping her head through the door a moment later with a plate with cupcakes in her hands. “May I? Your cupcakes look and taste incredible –”
Y/N glanced out the window. For a moment she thought she saw something or someone moving in the bushes, but as well it might’ve been her neighbour’s cat or a stray dog. “Be my guest.”
Y/N laid in her bed starring at the ceiling. Another sleepless night because she just refused to fall asleep. Every night nightmares would torment her or more like one themed nightmare that kept playing on repeat and no matter what she tried, there was no way to shake it off. Her eyes closed for a second and flashes of images from different dreams played behind her eyelids – Kai at the wedding, killing himself then Damon killing him while she stood there helpless unable to do anything; Kai’s heart being ripped out right before her eyes. Losing Kai had always been her biggest fear and now with him being gone, things had spun out of control.
A sigh left her lips and she covered her face with her palms when the sounds of someone banging on the door downstairs reached her through the open bedroom door. Quickly she got up and glanced at the clock – a little after midnight.
“Coming.” she rubbed her eyes, tripping over one of the bags Caroline had insisted to leave in her house. “Damn it…” she cursed under her breath, hearing the knocks on the door get more persistent and she ran towards it, unlocking it.
As soon as the door swung open all air got pulled out of her lungs. Barely a step away from her stood Kai. His clothes were semi torn and covered with blood. His skin was so pale it was almost white, sweat drops covered his forehead and on his neck, there was a still bleeding wound with black veins spreading. His hand was braced against the doorframe and when he looked up at her, his lips curled into a faint smile.
“H-hi –” he said weakly. “C-can I come in?”
“Yeah, of course.” she stepped aside, catching him just as he was about to fall. “What happened to you?”
Kai glanced at her, meeting her eyes for a second and attempted to smile but instead a painfiled groan left his lips. How was he to tell her that earlier that night every suppressed emotion from the past few days had fought its way back to the surface and he had lashed out at a werewolf pack in the woods on a full moon. They had lashed out back at him and he had just given up fighting back until the alpha had shown up, forcing the others to step down. Laying on the ground starring at the night sky a dozen images of their first date together under the stars by Wickery Bridge popped up into his mind. Y/N’s smile, the way her eyes had sparked; her laugh echoing and her hands hooking around his neck before her lips met with his; how he had pulled her towards him and had tossed her under him on the blanket… He had to tell he how sorry he was, to see her again. One last time before he lets himself die, giving her the chance to move on and be happy. Because that’s all he wanted – for her to be happy, even if that wasn’t with him.
Y/N swung his arm over her shoulders, wound her arm around his waist and helped him over to the couch, quickly running towards the door to close it and pull the curtains. She knelt down next to him and pressed her palm on his forehead. It was almost as if he had a fever but she knew better. Carefully she pulled his shirt up feeling a lump get stuck in her throat. There wasn’t just a bite on his neck – a couple bullet holes were spread all over his chest including two not too far away from his heart and on his abdomen, there was a large cut from where blood kept finding its way out. Black veins spreading from it meaning the blade must’ve been laced with werewolf toxin. Why hadn’t he siphoned the bite away and healed himself? she wondered.
“Kai?” she said softly, gently brushing her palm against his cheek. “Hey, open your eyes. I need you to open your eyes okay. Please.”
Weakly his eyes fluttered open and he looked at her with eyes filled with pain, tears and something else she couldn’t quite place in her panicked state. A small smile showed on her face seeing he was conscious and the corners of his mouth twitched too. Purple/black veins flickering under his eyes but she didn’t flinch. Or scream or run away.
“What happened? Why haven’t you healed?”
“T-there is no rea-son for me t-to heal.” he said quietly, looking into her eyes.
“What? Why would you say that? Kai, please. You have to siphon it or you will die.”
“No.” he shook his head. “I don’t deserve to keep living after everything I did. After everything I took away from you. I can’t forgive myself.”
Kai sat at the bottom of the stairs listening to Caroline talk with Y/N, literally feeling his heart being ripped out of his chest. How hadn’t he realized what he had done all this time?! His answer had been right there all this time, right before his eyes… there had been nights where she’d say a thing like ‘can you imagine how cute our son would be?’; or that time they had watched UP and she had cried in the first few minutes saying how growing old with him would be a dream and that this is all she could ever want out of life. For them to have their own small family and grow old together. All those little comments he had let through his ears, hearing but not listening to her. No wonder she had been so upset with him. All she had ever wanted had been to have a family after losing hers in a fire not too long before they had met. And now… by turning into a vampire he had taken away what she wanted most – a family. He wanted to give her the world and had thought as a heretic he’d be able to, and now he could give her everything but the thing she wanted most.
A tear rolled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away, swallowing hard. He wanted so badly to go to her, to wrap his arms around her, to tell her he had been there with her the entire time, watching over her… too scared to appear before her, thinking she’d kick him out. To apologize and make it right, but he knew there was no apology in the world that could compensate for what he had done. Nothing he could do or say would fix things between them or make her pain any less.
A sigh left his lips and as quietly as possible he headed up the stairs and jumped out through her bedroom window into the bushes in the backyard before jumping the small fence leading to the street.
“What? No, heal!” she raised her voice, tears threatening to start streaming down her face at any moment while she watched his chest raising barely with every breath he took. “Please –”
“No.” he opened his eyes. “I just had to s-see you, t-to tell you t-that –”
Y/N gripped his wrist and put it over the wound on his neck. “Siphon it away.“
“Y/N –” he said quietly, intertwining their fingers together. “I have to tell you –”
“You can tell me later. Heal.” she demanded, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Please –”
“I was such an idiot to –” he coughed. “– to do this to you. To break your h-heart and take away your d-dream of having a f-family with me. I’ve been so selfish because I love you. I – I love you and – I wanted so badly to spend eternity with you.” he coughed again. “Instead I lost you the n-night of the w-wedding and af-ter everything I k-know you stopped loving me.” he groaned in pain. “I just w-wanted us to be h-happy. To see your eyes, y-your smile completing my w-wolrd. I w-anted so badly for you to be h-happy and I ruined everything –”
“You idiot.” she smiled through tears. “How can you think I could ever stop loving you? I love you more than anything. You are my life, my future, Kai. You and me … we can get through anything together. Just heal. Please.”
“Y-you are better off w-without me. Y-ou should listen to your friends and m-move on…but I w-wanted you t-to know how s-sorry I am. I –”
Y/N pressed her lips against his, gently caressing his forehead while his eyes fluttered closed. “I forgive you. I forgive you.” she waited for him to respond, to say something when she realized he had stopped breathing. “Kai? Don’t you dare leave me. Kai! Wake up!” she shook his shoulders. “Wake up! Please –” she cried. “Please –”
“Hey. Hey wake up.“ came Kai’s voice as if from a fog.
Y/N’s eyes fluttered open and instinctively she tried to push away the person shaking her shoulders. Then she realized it was him and the relief flooding her body nearly made her lose consciousness. Kai smiled at her and pulled her into his arms, rubbing gentle circles on her back. Her arms wrapped around him so tightly if she was a vampire she probably would’ve crushed his ribs. Y/N scooted even closer to him on the bed but as much as she tried to calm down, it just wasn’t possible. This nightmare kept haunting her, taking her back in time to the moment he had nearly died before her eyes and every time a piece of her died thinking how she had been this close to losing him forever because of her mistake. Because she had pushed him away…
“Again?” he asked. Y/N only hummed between sobs. “It’s been months. Why does this keep tormenting you?“
“Y-you almost di-ed because of m-me.” she sobbed. “I never c-could’ve lived with m-myself if something had h-happened and you–”
Kai gently kissed her forehead, brushing away a strand of hair from her face. “It wasn’t your fault–”
“But it was.“ she said quietly, feeling his thumb wipe away a tear from her cheek before he tilted her chin up, gazing into her eyes. “I almost lost you again, I –
“It wasn’t.” he said softly. “And I am here, we –” he intertwined their fingers together, playing with the wedding ring on her finger. “– are together because you saved me that night. Giving CPR to a vampire.” his lips curled into a small smile and gently brushed his palm against her cheek, resting his forehead on hers. “I am here … and I am not going anywhere. I promise.”