so not a lot of people liked it unfortunately :

anonymous asked:

How would you go about trying to make friends with someone online? There are so many people (you included) that I want to talk to but I get so fuckin nervous... And, while its my own issue, I tend to not message/reply for weeks sometimes and I fuckin hate it... Sometimes I feel like its better if I just don't interact w people one on one. Hell, I prefer talking in a public space.. But its just so... I don't know man sorry for the ask love ya. You keep doing your thing.

eh this might just be me but i rly dont click well with people who are specifically ‘trying to be friends’, if that makes sense. like im always open to chatting w people who hit me up (well usually. im not keen on it w people like 16 and under just cuz it makes me uncomfortable) and if we talk regularly thats just how it ends up

but when someone says like “can we be friends?” or tries to awkwardly force conversation (like “hey!” “how are you” “what are you up to” all the time even when im non responsive) i usually just kinda drop contact eventually. it feels disingenuous and its easy to tell when it’s only bc im Scotch™ cuz like, no way would someone care that much about pushing a “friendship” along with anyone else who seemed disinterested. it rubs me the wrong way.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I'm a recent college grad and I've been trying to apply for research assistant jobs since the summer and I've had no luck. All of the positions I've applied for are looking for people with high school GEDs and no experience, and I've got a bachelor's and 2 years of experience and I haven't heard back from any. Do you have any advice, or any suggestions for this biology grad? I'm so eager to work and do research before grad school, but can't

Unfortunately I’m very much in the same boat. For the couple years between my BA and MA I ended up doing a lot of volunteering. I would hope that wouldn’t be as much of a problem in your field but it seems like it’s tough everywhere right now. :/

nice things about being autistic

-hearing tiny beautiful sounds like water droplets and leaves crunching
-knowing lots of fun trivia from special interests over the years
-brightly colored things that make ur eyes happy
-that feeling when someone asks you to tell them about sth you know a lot about and it’s infodump time !!!!!!
-the Good Foods™
-when ur logical and rational thinking helps you solve a problem or think of something other people wouldn’t
-nice textures are So Nice: cats, very soft blankets, smooth and cold stones, the inside of a brand new sweatshirt

(we could all use some autism positivity. pls reblog and add ur own! it’s ok if they contradict each other or if u don’t relate to all of them; we’re all different)

Do You Wanna Fight?

Aries Mars:

Originally posted by mariaslittlestuff

An Aries mars is very explosive and the smallest thing will set them on a rampage, destroying everything in their path. They can be very blunt and tell it how it is, regardless of if they hurt others’ feelings. After all, they need to know the truth! They are absolutely savage and rip apart anyone that decides to cross them. This often means bridges get burnt quickly and in a rapid bush fire of anger. Unfortunately for an Aries mars, they move on much faster than everyone else. So they may try to talk to someone hours after an argument to find that person has blocked them and wants nothing to do with them.


Taurus Mars:

Originally posted by chicastrology

A Taurus Mars is very hard to anger and they take a lot of pushing to finally react but when they do, it’s time to give up. It becomes like talking to a brick wall. They refuse to listen to anyone and will only do what they want which is frustrating to people around them. Their pride and stubbornness shines and blocks their ability to even consider doing anything but saying no, to everything. Their need to control themselves becomes very apparent in situations where they are distressed or under pressure.


Gemini Mars:

Originally posted by shitthesignssay

A Gemini Mars often shows anger through acting superior or disinterested rather than aggressive. They seem to believe they are better than those who are more argumentative. Their ability to outwit any opponent often means they win fights, but only because they become unresponsive and sarcastic rather than actually having conversations. They move on very quickly but in the back of their mind, they love to think they are now more intelligent because they won a fight and will use that to their advantage.


Cancer Mars:

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

A Cancer Mars is literally the most dramatic person you will ever meet. They are savage and go straight in for the sore point but as soon as you even slightly retaliate, they cry and act as though they have been horribly betrayed by their oldest friend and now they must live in anguish. They get defensive before they have even been accused which actually starts most of the arguments they are involved in. They seem to make every disagreement become a personal attack by everyone else onto them.


Leo Mars:

Originally posted by dragwillamgoddammit

A Leo mars has this need to be the most important person in the room and when they’re not, they throw almighty tantrums. If someone does not pay enough attention to them, they become self-conscious and moody, especially towards that person. They won’t tell you why, though. You’re just left to wonder what you did to deserve the silent treatment. They work hard for attention and when it is not received, they are personally hurt. Also very stubborn, they have a really hard time letting things go.


Virgo Mars:

Originally posted by ziwe

A Virgo mars generally isn’t aggressive but they rip you apart with their criticism that quite often becomes personal and nasty. Their anger is usually shown through complaining and cynicism. They are very prone to “just doing it themselves” rather than having to explain things to other people because they believe they are the only ones that can do anything the right way. Often, they will shut people down before they get a chance and are able to make people feel as though they are inferior which means they are avoided when anything doesn’t go to plan as those around them know they’ll be on a rampage.


Libra Mars:

Originally posted by welcometoyouredoom

A Libra mars wants drama, no matter where or who it’s coming from or involving. They are always the instigator when issues arise and love to light the fire and then run away to watch from afar. Then, when it’s all said and done, they decide to come out and mend the situation to make themselves look like heroes. Very passive aggressive to anyone that crosses them but rarely take action, instead they will talk behind peoples’ backs and spread rumors which solves nothing and in fact, makes things worse. 


Scorpio Mars:

Originally posted by i-am-a-daemon

A Scorpio Mars has an almost concerning amount of self-restraint which is even scarier than an explosive Mars sign as you can never tell what they’re thinking. They know how to not only cut deep, but leave scars for years on end. They have a very black and white outlook on life - it’s this or that. Pessimism is common and often alienates them from more happy-go-lucky people. They’re not bothered though, because anyone that sees the world in rose coloured glasses is an idiot, right? They’re able to destroy your self-worth without blinking an eye which means a lot of people tread on egg shells around them. 


Sagittarius Mars:

Originally posted by thatshortfunnygirl

A Sagittarius Mars often starts fights that they can’t finish. They rarely look at the facts properly before diving in with their opinion and then get offended if you don’t agree. They are violent when they are irritated and literally will throw a chair at someone if they’re not doing what they want. They get bored super easily and will (literally) run away if things aren’t fast-paced enough to keep them interested. If you want someone you know will always be on your side, don’t ask them, their opinions and moods can change in a flash.


Capricorn Mars:

Originally posted by orangemoons13000

A Capricorn Mars believes they can do absolutely no wrong. They are big on betrayal and backstabbing, making it unfortunate for you if you cross them because you won’t hear about it from them, you’ll hear about it when there are rumors circling about you and you’re getting the silent treatment from 4 of your friends. They seem very unenthusiastic and placid but they are very convincing when they set their mind on something. They are very calm when angry which makes it more uncomfortable for everyone because they become distant and quiet when you have upset them and it is very hard to come back from that.


Aquarius Mars:

Originally posted by etudiant-en-ph2

An Aquarius Mars is unbelievably clever but they often are bit by the “know-it-all” bug which makes them hard to converse with as they really don’t believe anyone can be on their level. They will fight back if they are forced to follow rules or requests they don’t agree with. They have a tendency to develop a god-complex and believe they are smarter, wittier and better than those around them. They become detached and disinterested when angry as if people are not worth their time which often leads people to dislike their blunt, entitled nature.


Pisces Mars:

Originally posted by 99percentskins

A Pisces Mars is endlessly fascinated by everything around them. They rarely get involved in any sort of disagreement or fight as they’re very chill and prefer the onlooker role instead. They are passionate about their opinions and beliefs and often take on a martyr role, even when there is no one going against them. It is as though they want to be defeated, so later they can prove themselves which can get on the nerves of people when they play the victim just to be redeemed.

a few thoughts about RSD cus i was typing out a huge thing anyway LMAO

OK SO i’ve been hoping someone would mention this bc I personally have been having a WILD TIME with this particular symptom! But knowing what it is is definitely helping me figure out how to cope with it cus it is definitely a roller coaster.

My particular experience idk how frequent it is in the ADHD community but like you, I was never told about this symptom at all. [but for me a lot of adhd symptoms im actually discovering through research and not doctors visits]

BASICALLY ok rejection sensitive dysphoria is for right now as far as we know, ADHD specific, though there have been discussions in a ton of communities over how it is possible some BPD [borderline personality disorder, not bipolar] sufferers experience it as well. But until thats really delved upon, right now, it is ADHD specific. [research changes constantly and alters all we know]

However we know ADHD sufferers are all under the same umbrella when it comes to being more sensitive to rejection, teasing, criticism, or feeling like you’ve failed. So far its believed at least 90%-100% of ADHD people experience this, as after being told what it is instantly identify it within themselves.

Rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like this ok:

Lets imagine everything’s fine in your day, but you say something to someone and you’re not expecting it, but they either make you feel slighted/insulted/rejected/youre not good enough. Even if they don’t mean to! Even if they are not trying to hurt your feelings and didn’t think about it, it just comes across that way.

What this causes you to feel is an immediate overwhelming emotional response and there are 2 ways most ADHD people react to it. The common symptom overall is just an overwhelming sense of discomfort and pain. It is so intense that you feel you may not be able to live with it.

Internalized: You feel extremely distressed and like you’ve hit a low point. From now on, nothing you do ever again will ever matter. You’ve hit the end of the road in your life. Suicide and ending it all seem like a reasonable thing to do, but you know you’re not going to do that. You become noticeably depressed and low energy. Most people who have this response believe they’ve been misdiagnosed and are actually rapid-cycling bipolar, but thats because this is a very commonly missed symptom of ADHD.

Externalized: You lash out at the person causing you pain. It seems only right, as they were the one causing you this INTENSE discomfort. It really appears like you’re having an anger meltdown of sorts. Lashing out you expect to feel some relief but may soon realize you’ve overreacted, and embarrassed yourself, which unfortunately causes more pain and embarrassment.

Anyhow, what this causes I’ve learned in a lot of ADHD sufferers is it alters their behavior so much bc they want to avoid this feeling SO MUCH that they will do one of several [or all] of these with their life:

  1. Become people pleasers. Forgetting their personal goals, they look into what others around them are really really into and chameleon those things, seeking praise and admiration. This is seen as a way to avoid the intense pain of RSD.
  2. Stop trying. If you don’t try something new, you can’t fail at it. It’s really not worth the risk of subjecting yourself repeatedly to this dysphoria. The idea of putting yourself out there provokes such an intensely deep anxiety that it stops you dead in your tracks.
  3. Become perfectionists. Using the sensation of RSD to overachieve, they strive to be the absolute best at what they do. They seek to be above criticism, you cannot criticize this perfection. The problem this causes, as it does seem glamorous, is that perfection is never attainable so they are constantly driven to achieve more. Overworked, stressed, never satisfied with the outcome.

Coping:

Ok so there’s not a lot about coping with RSD that doesn’t deal with medication, but I’m not medicated and so I’m here to tell you what you might can do to help yourself.

First off, just knowing this thing has a name has really helped and let me step back and analyze whenever I start to feel these come on, and I know I’m not alone there. The intense pain of RSD is actually stated to as an episode, so treating these as you would a mood swing or mood episode could be a good start.

When you feel yourself being slighted over something someone has said, do not react to them right away. Give yourself a bit of space. Analyze it. Do you have the right to feel the way you’re starting to feel? You have to be honest with yourself.

If you see that no harm was intended, but feel slighted and start to feel this emotional reaction, you have to distance yourself. If internalized, maybe ask for attention but do not demand it or rely on it, maybe talk about something else and come back to this later.

If you feel like you’re about to lash out at others, definitely remove yourself from the situation until you’ve calmed down. You’ll feel a lot better about not reacting to the first thing that comes to mind later, thus saving yourself further embarrassment dysphoria.

Overall, I know its hard to be easy on yourself when the stakes are so high emotionally. But you have to try. I’m not a professional and I’m still trying to see whats beneficial to coping with this. Trying not to ignore your own emotions, but also seeing where the line should be drawn between acknowledgement and letting yourself get lost in it.

Do any followers or mods have any coping ideas?

-Mod Speedo

a guide to stim toys!

trying to decide what stim toy you want? i’m here to help !!

(note: this is based off me n a few others’ experiences)

Fidgets

  • tangle toys
  • fidget cubes
  • spinners
  • bike chains
  • other moving part toys

Pros:
-easy to get your hands on
-typically not expensive
-wide variety

Cons:
-not very discreet

a popular, well-liked type of stim toy! good for keeping focused, self regulation, and they’re pretty fun to play with ! there’s quite a variety of them out there, some may not even be marketed as stim toys (ex: plastic toys from stores).

Chews

  • chew jewelry (necklaces/bracelets)
  • chew toys
  • teether rings

Pros:
-meant for chewing! you won’t break em
-no more chewing on wires/fingernails/etc
-jewelry can be designed nicely to look like regular jewelry

Cons:
-actual chew jewelry/toys are harder to get and can be pricey
-teether rings aren’t discreet

many autistic people never outgrew the instinct/need to put thing in their mouth or chew on things! and some other nd people chew for other reasons! that’s what these are for! plus, they can also help with anger management!
tip: if you don’t want people to see your chew necklace, tuck it under your shirt and chew when you’re alone/no one’s looking!

Squishies

  • stress balls
  • moni moni animals
  • stretchy rubber toys

Pros:
-fairly easy to get
-inexpensive
-stress balls are a “normal office toy” (less chance of judgement)

Cons:
-monis and rubber toys aren’t as discreet

a calming stim! very soothing, good for relieving stress and anxiety. i like to roll my moni moni animal between my hands a lot!

Weighted

  • weighted blankets
  • weighted lap pads
  • weighted stuffed animals

Pros:
-fantastic sensory input
-good for insomnia

Cons:
-harder to get
-pricey
-not discreet

i LOVE weighted stuff!!it’s a great feeling. super calming and soothing. really good for helping you sleep!!

Plushies

  • stuffed animals/plush toys

Pros:
-very easy to get
-varying prices

Cons:
-not discreet
-seen as immature and babyish (unfortunately)

plushies!! super important. super good. soft, huggable, lovable things. many people have them as comfort items!! it’s so good to hug them and pet the fur

Textures

  • bristle brushes
  • spiky toys
  • fur
  • many more

Pros:
-wide variety
-there are good textures in a lot of places!
-spike toys are slightly painful and can leave little indents, which is a good alternative to self harm!

Cons:
-spike toys are harder to get

textures!! we all know n love our textures. my favorite is fur!! sometimes i stim by petting my pets! (my hamster is especially good, she’s so soft!). textures are everywhere and everyone likes different things! but there’s also specific toys/tools that can help! like bristle brushes and spiked things!

Visual

  • stim jars
  • glitter containers
  • fish tanks
  • online videos/gifs

Pros:
-wide variety
-easy to make
-there are a lot of gifs online

Cons:
-no tactile stimulation

popular!! easily found online, and easily made irl! fun things to watch. i especially love to watch fish tanks!

Slime, Sand, and Orbeez

  • slime
  • kinetic sand
  • moon sand
  • sandbox
  • orbeez
  • jelly/gelatin

Pros:
-really fun
-unique textures

Cons:
-a stay-at-home toy
-needs to be kept in a safe dry space
-harder to get
-messy
-fancy slime is expensive

these things are the most popular in stimboards and videos, because they look so cool!! if you make your own, you can do whatever you want with it! they’re all really unique textures and feelings and super fun to play with!
tip: be careful when using borax! it’s toxic

-

i hope this helps!! feel free to add on if you have anything!

Hello! It’s #optomstudies here again with another Sunday Study Tip on university life! This will be a multi-part series that hopefully will give a unique insight, since I can go on and on about university, and I love giving advice and helping others :)


PART 0: CHOOSING A DEGREE

Here I’ve put together a list of 20 things that you might not be told outright when choosing your university degree. @exeron

General Starting Tips During High School

  • It doesn’t matter what subjects you do in senior year, so don’t worry about bonus points, as long as you get a high enough ATAR so that you can keep your options open. Play to your strengths.
  • But! On the other hand, don’t take history and visual arts for your HSC and expect to be at the same level as your peers when you take a B Science (Advanced Mathematics) degree. You need that calculus knowledge. (Most of the time this isn’t a problem, because most people will choose a degree that aligns with their interests in high school). Again, play to your strengths.
  • Keep on top of your extra-curricular activities in case you need to go for an interview like with medicine.
  • Some degrees like optometry, medicine, law, etc. require additional exams like UMAT, so find out early, pay for the tests and mark it down on your calendar so that you don’t forget.
    • Up to you whether you want to pay extra for coaching, but anecdotally, I didn’t do any coaching and did fine. I had many friends who did coaching and ended up doing poorly. 
  • Choose a good university. Promise it actually counts at the end of the day. There are cases of people getting employed with low credit averages at big companies because they go to a good university.

Decide What Kind of Career You Want

  • Most importantly, it’s best if you pick your degree based on the job you want upon graduation. What you study at uni is just a means to an end. It’s a business decision that you are making - trading a few years to get a better career and better income at the end of the day.
  • Consider practical aspects of the job you want. For example, some of the things that I like about optometry is the fact that you aren’t sitting down the whole day, it’s a job that’s great for locum-ing and part-time work if I have kids in the future, and it makes for a good conversation starter when people ask you about optometric myths (no, looking at green grass does not help your eyes, nor do eating carrots, and having a nightlight doesn’t make you more short-sighted). These are all things that aren’t written down on a piece of paper somewhere, but are things that you can figure out by thinking about the everyday facets of the job itself.
  • Figure out your career values. These are things that you don’t want to compromise on due to personal integrity, as opposed to areas of interest. Some examples are:
    • Autonomy and independence
    • Achievement and advancement prospects
    • Creativity
    • Security
    • Altruism
    • Prestige, status and respect
    • Risk-taking and excitement
    • Material benefits a.k.a. $$$
    • Power
    • Team membership
    • Variety
    • Learning
    • Structure and organisation
    • Problem Solving
    • Leadership
    • Work-Life Balance
  • Don’t “follow your passion”, just “get good”. A lot of people also tell you that you should “follow your passion”, but most of the time you have limited experience concerning the types of occupations in the world, and most of the time there isn’t anything that you’ve developed a strong passion for. You might have a bunch of interests like me; when I was in high school, I enjoyed every single subject, because I just enjoyed learning in general, so the only thing I could think of was literally to become a full time uni student. This video really sums everything up quite well, so I’ll quote from it.

When you work hard at something you become good at it.
When you become good at something you enjoy doing it more. 
When you enjoy doing something, there is a good chance you will become passionate about it.

Start By Choosing a Good University and Faculty

  • Choose a Commonwealth-supported university. Don’t saddle yourself with excess debt from a private university unless your grades were so bad that you needed to pay money for a university degree. If you have the choice, don’t opt for these.
  • Go to open days! I seriously think I wouldn’t have chosen optometry if I didn’t go to the UNSW Open Day. The guy was just really persuasive about the benefits of the career.
  • Ask graduates! If you’ve got a retail job and have the opportunity to chat with people about their jobs, see what they like about their job and how they got there.
  • Opt to specialise. For example, if you are aiming to be a financial data scientist, then go for a B Economics and major in econometrics. Sounds simple, but people always argue about choosing a general degree like Commerce so that you have a broader choice and keep your doors open. This is only good if you don’t have an end goal in sight. Specialising shows employers that you have direction and are driven.
  • However, if you have absolutely no idea what you want to study then at least choose a faculty that you find palatable, try and do your research, or take some core courses that allow you to discern your major. If all else fails, just get the UAC book of degrees and cross out what you don’t want to do LOL

After Starting the Degree

  • If you start a degree and you find the first semester or two isn’t what you were imagining, unfortunately that’s what happens to a lot of people. Uni isn’t a vocational school that jumps straight into the professional skills. So if you want to be a pediatrician who nurses cute children to health at the end of the day, sorry but you’ll have to start with basic sciences. I’ve seen a lot of people jump ship just cause they didn’t like the first few courses.
  • Go for Honours if your degree has the option. Just looks a lot better in the eyes of an employer that you’ve tried challenging yourself with a research honours project. A 1 year trade off in studying is worth it.
  • Don’t worry about the length of the degree. Three years will be over before you know it, trust me! And honestly, university is actually a really great time period. Many of my older cousins reflect on it and say that in a way, it was some of the best times of their lives, because you don’t have the responsibility of the household bills and full time work just yet.
  • Don’t be afraid to change your degree after the first year. Some microeconomics - it’s a sunk cost.

Don’t think: “Oh I’ve already spent this much time studying this degree, it will be a waste if I change degrees”.
Think: “if I spend any more time in this degree that I don’t actually want to study, then I’ll be wasting my future”. 

  • You aren’t “wasting” your ATAR by choosing a degree that has a much lower cut-off point. For example, if you wanted to shape the future of children by becoming a teacher, you aren’t “wasting” your 98 ATAR by going into teaching, even if the cut-off is 81.
  • Don’t let other people influence your options. Look, if you’re going to change your uni choice just because someone you don’t like is going there… you’ll barely see anyone except for the people in the same degree as you after 1st year is over. Likewise, parents give advice, they don’tshouldn’t mandate life choices like what you study. 

Good luck with your university applications. Hope you all get into the degree that you’re hoping for! Hit me up if you have any questions :) 


MY WEEKLY STUDY TIPS

WHAT I WISH I’D KNOWN BEFORE UNIVERSITY STUDY TIPS SERIES

SEE ALSO

Anyway Soldier is perfect and good

One of the most unfortunate (and fortunate in some cases) aspects of completely delving yourself into a fandom is that you begin to accept how other people interpret characters versus how the true game interprets them. Like I mentioned, this can be a really awesome thing!

But sometimes, not so much.

A good example in our home sweet home, the tf2 fandom, would be the most antagonized character of the game (at least imo. Medic gets a lot of shit representation too)

Good ol’ Jane Doe.

Most of my opinion on this topic is from a personal experience so I’ll jump straight into that:

When I first joined this fandom/ got the game, my love for the characters was pretty contrastive; Medic was super up top, and engie, demo, and ya boy solly I wasn’t really into (yet of course). This was pretty realistic since I was newer and had set my heart on my favs. As I met people, enjoyed content, and created my own, my love began to spread and even out (thank God). 

Except…one merc was still lagging. Soldier. As I matured in my knowledge and independence of interpretation I began to really notice why. 

Soldier is portrayed very heavily as the angry hateful antagonist of many artistic scenarios, especially writing.

It’s too easy. Jane’s excessive expression of opinion and loud sense of patriotism and criticism made him an easy villain to give an insult, or cause a problem. I had seen this usage of his character so often that I had forgotten how this absolute DORK teleported fuckin bread for three whole days, just out of childish impulse

LIKE HOLY HECK HE IS SO BUBBLY AND ALL OVER THE PLACE! The interpretation is flawed in one major place. Is Soldier someone who has opinionated outbursts?? Yes. Are they all based on hate and bias?? NO. Soldier is very expressive in all fields, including excitement, love, and the support he has for his team

The team part is a big one. Like wtf are you thinkin’ Jane LOVES his teammates!! He is extremely supportive and doesn’t seem to push his insults any further than impulsive outbursts

look at him smiling during scout’s date!! He’s so proud

pure

he’s so loving in his own way

anyway this kinda turned into a soldier appreciation post that is too long but uh yeah pls he’s not awful he’s a big ol dork thanks

InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex

I wrote this up in response to another post but it really should have its own post here on my blog. The topic? Sex scenes involving trans guys, how to write them, and how not to write them.

There’s been a lot of trans male headcanons popping up in fandoms lately. And that’s awesome! As a trans guy myself, I love seeing trans headcanons by both cis and trans people! And there’s been a lot of fics & art involving trans dudes having sex popping up lately. And that’s awesome too! Hell yeah we can get down and do the do! Unfortunately… many of these headcanons, art pieces, & fics don’t portray trans guys, their bodies, and their sex lives accurately. And that’s… not so awesome. There’s some pretty icky stereotypes and commonalities going around. So I’m here to shed a little light on trans men and how we get down.

First, I’d like to start by saying this content is of a mature nature, please exercise reader discretion before deciding to read it and follow your local laws & restrictions regarding such content.

Second, I’d like to note that my ask box is always open to questions if anybody wants to fact-check their trans fic with an actual trans dude. I’m more than willing to help educate.

Now, on to the lesson!

InterdictedKai’s Guide To Writing Trans Men Having Sex:

  • SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Trans guys come in all sexual orientations.
    • If a trans man is having sex with a man, whether that man is cis or trans, that is gay sex. They’re both men. Having gay sex.
    • If a trans man is having sex with a woman, whether that woman is cis or trans, that is straight sex. It’s a man and a woman. That’s straight sex.
    • Trans guys can most often be found fucking: gay men, bi/pan men, straight women, & bi/pan women. In other words: People who are attracted to men.

  • TERMINOLOGY: My number one issue with people who aren’t trans guys (eg: cis, nb, etc) writing about trans guys having sex is the words they use. Topping the chart: CALL IT A DICK, NOT A CLIT. Seriously.
    • Up top: The most standard term for talking about a trans guy’s chest is ‘chest’. A lot of pre-op & no-op trans guys are really not okay with having the lumps on their chest called ‘breasts’. So if you’re writing about trans men getting some action on their torso, you’re better off talking about his chest and nipples than his breasts and nipples. 
    • The pole: It’s a dick. It might be a small dick but almost universally every trans guy I’ve met calls it a dick or cock and either dislikes or is actively squicked by it being called a clit. I’ve had so many conversations with other trans guys where we salt about seeing cis people writing trans guys in fic & calling it a clit. Sure, there are exceptions, trans guys who use the word clit, but there’s also gay men who use the f-slur to describe themselves. That’s a personal use. It’s not the standard. It’s not the common term. It’s not okay if you’re someone who isn’t a trans dude writing about a trans dude having sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re cis, nb, or any other identity, call it a dick. It’s a dick. Call it a dick. It doesn’t matter if they’re pre-T, on T, or if they’ve had some sort of genital surgery. It’s a dick any which way. He is a man. He has a penis.
    • The hole: There is no standard term for what a trans guy is probably gonna call the hole he’s got in front. I know guys using: Cunt, vagina, pussy, front hole, front door, boy hole, bonus hole, and so on. Personally, I like cunt, it’s gritty and abrasive and feels the most ‘masculine’ to me personally. That said, whatever term you use, try to be respectful in using it and understand that not all trans guys want sex to involve that body part.

  • TO REPEAT: DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT.

  • COMING OUT: Coming out as trans is usually scary. Coming out as trans can be dangerous.
    • Trans guys who pass, meaning they are perceived as men by people they meet, will at some point have to come out to romantic and/or sexual partner(s).
    • Usually these conversations will take place well before anything gets hot and heavy but sometimes things get a little carried out of hand and things need to pause so they can talk.
    • The last place most trans guys want to be when disclosing they’re trans is in the bedroom with someone’s hand down their pants as an “oh, by the way”. There have been many of cases of trans guys getting attacked in these situations if their partner freaks out over it. General rule? Don’t write your coming out scene as happening in the bedroom.

  • BODY BOUNDARIES: Trans people in general have a different relationship to their body from cis people by virtue of being trans. So since we’re focused on trans guys, let’s get into that.
    • Not all trans guys have sex the same way. Not all trans guys are okay with using some or all of the body parts they have during sex. We each have different body boundaries.
    • I know guys who won’t get shirtless, guys who won’t take off their binder, and guys who strip shirtless without worry. I know guys who don’t want their chest touched and guys who are really into receiving nipple play.
    • I know guys who love getting blowjobs and guys who don’t want a mouth down there.
    • I know guys who don’t want their cunt touched, guys who are okay with only fingers in there, and guys who are all about taking things in the front door.
    • I know guys who don’t want any penetrative sex, guys who don’t care where you put it, guys who only want it in the front, guys who don’t want anything in their ass, and guys who are fine as long as it’s only going in their ass.
    • I know guys who exclusively top, never bottom, and have gorgeous collections of strap-ons to fuck their partner(s). Yes, that’s right, trans men can top!
    • These are just some examples and there’s no standard. Every trans man will have different body boundaries that they need to discuss with their partner(s).

  • BODY CHANGES: The body changes a lot on testosterone. So let’s get into some of those changes.
    • CHEST: Chest fat does lessen on testosterone, but not usually by much. That said, they do become a lot more limp due to binding over the years. Binding makes breast tissue basically wilt, break down, and go floppy. If a trans guy binds, his chest fat will become more limp over time. Easier to compress flatter, but also deteriorates skin quality for future surgery.
    • BODY HAIR: Holy hairy nipples, batman! Trans guys often get chest hair, just like cis guys. I’ve never once seen a fic talk about a trans guy’s chest hair. Trans guys also get happy trails, facial hair, thicker hair on our legs and arms, etc, and generally develop average male body & facial hair patterns. 
    • DICK: This is one of the most noticeable changes on T, and also the fastest. Most guys begin to notice their dick starting to grow within a few weeks of starting T. Most grow to around 1″-2″ when erect. There are many cases of guys getting as much as 3″ but these should be considered outliers and not average. It’s the trans dude equivalent of a cis dude with a 10″ dick: possible but uncommon. Wait, erect? Yep! It gets erect. You can definitely see when a trans guy has a boner if you’re looking at his dick! You can also notice that it has a foreskin just like an uncut penis! The labia may also become more coarse and similar in texture to a cis guy’s balls.
    • FLUIDS: Not all trans guys get dry downstairs on T. Some do. But I know a lot of guys who’ve gotten a lot more wet since starting T. It happens a lot. It’s a 50/50 shot, really. Bodies are weird. There are some sloppy, messy, slick trans guys and some trans guys who have to use lube daily so they don’t chafe or even use an estrogen cream down there.
    • SMELL: On Testosterone, the smell of a trans guy’s junk changes. You get Man Musk within the first 6 months. Anyone who’s been near a cis guy’s dick knows what I mean by that: that really sharp, earthy dick smell.
    • TASTE: After about 6-8 months on testosterone, a trans guy’s fluids down there stop tasting like going down on a cis girl and they start tasting a hell of a lot more like a cis dude’s precum. It’s a hormone thing. So giving a trans dude who’s been on T for a while a blowjob is gonna smell & taste a lot more like blowing a guy with a really leaky dick than going down on a girl. Cause that’s exactly what’s going on. 
    • ORGASMS: Orgasms also change on testosterone. Guys who could previously get multiple orgasms pre-T often can’t once they start testosterone. But they do usually report them being stronger and more intense

  • HAVING SEX: Trans men definitely don’t have sex like cis women. Because they’re not cis women. They’re men. They’re just men with a slightly different tool set in their tool belt.
    • Like I said under Body Boundaries, we use our bodies to have sex in many varied ways. Blowjobs, handjobs, rimming, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, vaginal sex, anal sex, I could go on for ages.
    • If a trans guy is taking a cis dude’s dick in his cunt, it’s still gay sex, not straight sex, and needs to be treated as such.

  • SAFER SEX & PREGNANCY:
    • Trans guys can get STDs like any other guy and should use condoms accordingly. Trans guys having risky or unprotected sex with cis men may be prescribed PrEP, an HIV-prevention medication designed to lower the risk of contracting HIV. 
    • Speaking of STDs, people can get gonorrhoea & chlamydia in their ass or throat via anal & oral sex. This will not show on a standard pee test. There are special swabs for the ass and throat. Most doctors do not routinely perform these tests. They really should. But, back to the point.
    • Some people think trans men can’t get pregnant. This is a myth. Some men think trans men can’t be on birth control. This is a myth. These myths are dangerous.
    • Trans men who are having sex with cis men can get pregnant unless they’ve had a hysterectomy. The risk of pregnancy is decreased but not eliminated by T.
    • Trans men on T cannot get estrogen-based birth control but they can be on progesterone-only birth control. Most large trans-affirming health clinics will recommend this for trans men who have sex with cis men. Generally, this comes in two forms: a daily pill known as the ‘minipill’ or a 12-week injection known as the ‘depo shot’.

  • MEDICAL PROCEDURES: There are many routes trans guys can take in terms of medically transitioning.
    • For most trans people, the first step is hormone replacement therapy (HRT). For trans guys, this involves Testosterone therapy. Testosterone is usually administered via injection every 1, 2, or 12 weeks, depending on which kind, or via a daily cream/gel. 1 & 2 week shots are self-administered while 12-week shots are done by a professional. Trans guys who come out as kids or young teens may be prescribed hormone blockers to prevent or halt puberty until they can start T when they’re 15-18 (age varies with local laws & doctor’s discretion).
    • Another step for trans guys is usually top surgery. Guys with tiny chests (small B or less) can get periareolar (’peri’) or keyhole surgery. This leaves only a tiny scar around the nipple. Guys with larger chests usually get a double incision (’DI’) surgery which involves larger scars along the bottom of the pecs and nipple grafts or, less commonly, an Inverted-T or T-anchor surgery which involves the same scars under the pecs but an additional vertical scar from there to the nipple while eliminating the need for nipple grafts.
    • Trans guys usually get a total hysterectomy, removing the uterus, ovaries, cervix, and all the bits in between. A trans guy who has his ovaries removed must be on some form of hormone therapy (eg: testosterone) or else risks bone loss & osteoporosis.
    • Some trans guys may opt for genital surgery. These procedures and the reasons why some trans guys might or might not want one surgery or another is a whole complicated topic in itself. But if you’re curious, look into metoidioplasty (’meta/meto’) or phalloplasty (’phallo’). Tread carefully.

So, I’ll wrap this up with my most important point, again: If you are anything other than a trans guy (eg: if you are cis, nb, etc), DO NOT CALL A TRANS DUDE’S DICK A CLIT. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SMUTTY, CALL IT A DICK.

And, as I said, anyone can feel free to message me if they have questions about writing trans guys having sex.

Tl;dr: Just be respectful and know your subject matter.

Mixed Black African Girl (Cameroonian/French)

I’m a mixed black african girl who grew up and lived most of her life in Cameroon, in Central Africa. My dad is half-white (french) and half-black (cameroonian), and my mom is 100% cameroonian. There’s little to no black african characters in popular fiction, which has always bothered me, and it would be so nice to read about someone like me for once.

  • Culture and food

Cameroon is a country created during colonization, with borders defined by europeans. Because of that, Cameroon is actually made of 200 ethnic groups, each of them having their own language and culture. So the culture and daily habits vary a lot depending on which region of Cameroon you are in. In the big cities, though, everyone is mingled no matter where they’re from. However, so many different ethnic groups cohabiting together often causes tension. There are also a lot of stereotypes about every ethnic group.

I grew up in the central and coastal areas of the country, and I’m Bassa. The Bassa are one of the main ethnic groups in Cameroon. If your parents are from two different ethnic groups, it is decided that you officially belong to your father’s ethnic group. My mother is Bakoko but my father is Bassa, so I’m the latter. When I meet another Cameroonian, two of the first questions we usually ask each other are : What are you (meaning, what’s your ethnic group) ? and Where is you village ?

Villages are very important in the Cameroonian culture. Your village is where your father’s ancestors were born. Even if you’re not born there, you usually have grandparents or great-uncles or family friends living there, and if you have enough money to do so you must regularly visit your village. And usually, when people earn enough money, they send money to their village so that people living there can have a better life, build more houses and schools etc.

Cameroonian food is very diverse, and varies depending on the region. The national dish is Ndolé, a dish made with ndolé leaves, stewed nuts, and meat (fish, beef or shrimps). Other common foods are bobolo and miondo (food made out of fermented manioc), soya (spicy grilled meat on skewers), and plantain. My dad is half-french though, so at home we eat almost as much french food as cameroonian food (crème brûlée, shepherd’s pie, beef bourguignon, A LOT of bread and cheese).

  • Language

There are hundreds of different languages, but the official languages are French and English. Cameroon was colonized by France and England so Northern Cameroon mainly speaks english and central/southern Cameroon mainly speaks french. Most people also speak their ethnic group’s language. I don’t know how to speak Bassa, though, because neither do my parents. When me and my siblings were kids, our dad asked our baby-sitter to teach us, but she could only do so much and I only remember a few words.

  • Beauty Standards

Like most countries, there is a lot of colorism in Cameroon based on European beauty standards. When you’re a woman, the lighter you are, the prettier and more desirable you are considered. Dark skinned women are often mocked and considered not as pretty. A lot of people, mainly women but also men, use dangerous products to lighten their skin. Internalized racism and white beauty standards are very insidious, and a lot of people want to look like white people, including me when I was younger. As a kid I remember wishing i was a pretty blonde-haired blue-eyed white girl like the heroines of the books i was reading. Growing up I stopped wishing that, but I relaxed and straightened my hair a lot, wanting to have long straight hair without realizing that it was still an attempt to look like the ideal version of a white girl. I’m sure that if I had more black female characters to relate to when I was growing up, I wouldn’t have spend so many years hating myself without even realizing I was doing it.

Also, Cameroonians usually consider thick, curvy women to be the ideal beauty standard. But being thin is still an ideal broadcast by the media (especially that american and european media are heavily broadcast and consumed in Cameroon) so most women still diet a lot and go to the gym to lose weight.

  • Clothing

Women wear a lot of skirts and dresses, be it casual or for work. Most cameroonian schools have uniforms and mandatory hairstyles (either cornrows or short shaved hair).

Elderly people often wear more traditional clothes and outfits. The most prominent traditional item of clothing is the Kaba. The Kaba is a long dress made of wax fabric and other materials and is owned by pretty much every woman. The dress looks different depending on the situation : the Kaba you wear when you stay at home is usually very long and very loose, the Kaba you wear during official/formal events is more tight-fitting and stylized, etc.

  • Dating and Relationships

I’ve never dated anyone, but when I was in high school none of my friends ever told their parents they were seeing someone. Having your parents know about and meet the person you’re dating after only a few weeks or months is something that just doesn’t happen (unless someone gets pregnant). It’s when things get serious that you introduce them to your family. Also, a lot of parents would prefer their children to marry someone from the same ethnic group.

Homosexuality is still illegal there, and you can go to jail for being gay.

  • Home/Family life

My parents are still happily married, and I have 3 siblings. My parents are both close to their siblings, and I’m close to mine. Me and my siblings grew up with our cousins, we were always at each other’s houses. I pretty much consider most of my cousins as extra siblings. We have a very big extended family and every day I discover new distant cousins, aunts, great-uncles etc. My dad being half-french, when I was growing up we sometimes went to France during summer to visit his relatives living there.

In Cameroon, most people who have enough money to do so send their children to study abroad once they’ve graduated high school. I’m currently living in France for my studies, and most of my high school friends are also going to college in France, England, Canada, Brussels, South Africa etc.

  • Identity issues

Despite being only ¼ white, I’m very light-skinned. My siblings being much darker skinned, when I was a kid I thought I was adopted (i’m not, it’s just genetics). Cameroon being a black country, when someone is visibly mixed and light-skinned as i am, most people just label them “white”. A lot of people would refer to me as “the white” and it always really hurt me. My family wouldn’t understand why i was so angry and hurt, they’d say “they don’t mean anything by it, it’s just that you’re light” but the fact is it made me feel like i don’t belong. I’m cameroonian, i’ve lived in Cameroon almost my entire life, i’m black, and still some people see me as “other”, they see me as white. And so for a long time, I didn’t dare to call myself black, I’d say “I’m biracial” or “I’m mixed” instead because I somehow felt like a fraud. But I’m black and not white-passing at all, and I still experience racism abroad (but I’m aware I have a lot more privilege than dark skinned people).

  • Daily struggles

So I’m currently living in France. On one hand, sometimes white people are racist toward me, or just totally obnoxious and ignorant, trying to touch my natural hair and thinking that people in Cameroon don’t have computers or whatever. On the other hand, when I randomly meet other cameroonians and we start talking, they always assume that because i’m mixed i’ve lived my entire life in France and i don’t know anything about Cameroon. And there’s nothing wrong with being a child of immigrants and not knowing the country your parents or grandparents came from, but i know that if i wasn’t visibly mixed they wouldn’t question the fact that i know Cameroon and lived there my entire life.

  • Misconceptions

Because of how the media depict African countries, a lot of people think that everyone in Africa is extremely poor and starving, that we don’t have electricity and internet and that everyone lives in huts. Which is so false. We have rich people and poor people, we have huge modern cities and regular cities and small villages with huts, almost everyone has access to a tv and internet, etc.

  • Things I’d like to see less of

Cameroon and other african countries being depicted as poor unfortunate countries where everyone is starving and illiterate and waiting for the generous white people to save us. What we need is for people to see us as the humans we are, and to allow us to grow in peace.

  • Things I’d like to see more of

Black african characters being written as the complex human beings we are. Shy black african characters. Nerdy and hella smart black african characters. Mixed black african characters who struggle with their identity. LGBTQ black african characters.

  • Tropes/Stereotypes I’m tired of seeing.

The “savage”, “uncivilized” african. African characters who are aggressive, dumb and shout all the time. The poor africans in need of saving by white people.

Read more POC Profiles here or submit your own.

5

MLSHR Anniversary Week: Day 6 —  favourite underrated moment detail

Hae Soo’s name

Unfortunately, meaningful details like this most of the time are left unnoticed by the international audience, it just simply gets lost in translation. 

In mandarin chinese Ha Jin’s Goryeo name means tree, at first look, it seems that there’s nothing special about it, however, it means a lot. Throughout the drama, we learn that Wang So is very fond of plants and trees because in his lonely days when he was abandoned by his own family in Shinju, among the people who not just hated him but constantly tried to kill him, without any friends or relatives, trees were his only friends. Young prince learned how to befriend trees, treat them as they are living creatures. He advises Soo to not carelessly water the garden but give every tree a name and make friends with them. At first, Soo thinks that So is just making fun of her, but then he tells her about his favorite birch that he had to put on fire in order to protect himself from wolves, another example of how So always gives up on things that he loves and cares about. Another remarkable moment was on Wang Eun and Park Seon Deok’s wedding.When all brothers were gifting newlyweds royal presents as silver, expensive fabrics, pearls - So’s gift is a tree that blooms flowers and bears fruits. When other brothers provided some materialistic goods that they think will come in handy for a new family, Wang So thinks about the spiritual aspect, about something that brings emotional comfort. Maybe it’s all because of his past. I can imagine him as a teenage boy, who when he has an opportunity, leaves the Kang’s residence, maybe to train with general Park and when he needs to rest, he sits under a tree. And at that moment there are no pain, no suffering, just wind blowing around him and spreading flowers’ and fruits’ aroma, it soothes him, comforts him, gives him warmness that he extremely lacks. That’s what Soo became for So. With her he could be himself, forget about the weight of his problems and worries. She brought him peace and calmness, accepted him for who he was, became his true friend and love of his life. How symbolic it is.  “Whenever I come to you, all my problems seem to become lighter.”

Pros and Cons to Playing Each Race in Guild Wars 2

Asura

Pros:

• In body lengths per second, you’re the fastest race in Tyria, able to keep up with a Charr.

• You’re very small, and hard for a larger person to see as you stab their ankles.

• Everyone else thinks you’re adorable.

• Your starting area is full of intellectual challenges, which is pretty fun.

Cons:

• That whole “asuran supremacy” thing is a little worrisome.

• If you’re not an academic type, it’ll be a lot less fun.

• You have to worry about your progeny being stepped on by a Norn

• The leading cause of death in your city is falling off the side. 

Sylvari

Pros:

• You GLOW in the DARK, how cool is that??

• When you say you’re asexual and someone asks “Like a plant?” you can say “Yes, exactly!”

• Your starting area is beautiful. Seriously beautiful.

Cons:

• You’re flammable. Elementalists, please be careful.

• You were literally born yesterday. You have no life experience. A human your size is almost as old as your entire species.

• The bridges in your city have holes in them. And you thought Rata Sum was bad!

Charr

Pros:

• You can run on all fours and literally pounce on things!

• You’re definitely the fluffiest race in Tyria, and you’re ALSO the most intimidating.

• Along with the Asura, you’re the technological domineers of the entire world.

Cons:

• Everyone thinks you’re a furry (though maybe this is a pro?)

• You feel kind of slow and awkward. Why are those Asura so zippy?

• Everyone has to fight in a war. Like everyone.

Norn

Pros:

• You can shapeshift. You can turn into your guardian spirit. You can become some kind of weird were-bird while the cat people look on in awe.

• You’re super tall. You can reach things that are higher than other people’s houses.

• You don’t get cold very easily. The winter winds are yours to command. Ice skills come easier to Norn elementalists than they do to anyone else.

Cons:

• Everyone will want you to grab things off of shelves for them

• You have to worry about stepping on Asura progeny

• Alcoholism is kind of a problem in your culture

Human

Pros:

• You’re hardy and strong. You’ve pushed and been pushed back, but humans still have a large presence in Tyria, which you owe to the dedication and hard work of your people

• You have six whole gods! That’s more gods than anyone else!

• You’re descended from literal aliens. That’s so cool!

Cons:

• The Charr kind of still hate you.

• Humans are hardy, sure, but a lot of nations have fallen and you’re kind of in a bad spot at the moment.

• If you’re not Krytan, there’s like a 90% chance you’re a refugee that had to flee your homeland… that’s pretty unfortunate.

TVLINE | Cas has been in Heaven for a little while now. How will he re-enter the action? And is he any different?

ANDREW DABB: When Cas comes back [in this Thursday’s episode], we’re going to get a lot of clarity in terms of not only why he’s been in Heaven for so long, but his own point of view on why he went. Some people are looking at it like, “He went to Heaven because he’s choosing angels over Sam and Dean,” and things like that. What’s going to come out very strongly when he comes back is that what he’s doing, he views as doing for our guys. That’s been a big part of the season overall: Sam and Dean have proven themselves as heroes, certainly to everyone around them. So whether it’s Cas or Crowley or Mary or Mick until his unfortunate demise or anyone else in our story, these are people who realize Sam and Dean’s importance. Sam and Dean have always been willing to sacrifice for each other. Now we’re seeing a lot of people around them that are willing to sacrifice for Sam and Dean, and it’s really about building a sense of community.

So from Cas’ point of view, everything he’s been doing has been for Sam and Dean. When he comes back in, that will be made pretty clear, and then the question is: Where does he go from there? Once he comes back in, he’s going after Kelly. Once he comes into contact with her [and] her kid, a lot of his misconceptions may fall away. A big part of his time in Heaven has been gathering information, but not reorienting his thinking to the point where he’s against Sam and Dean or anything like that. It’s more like having moments of clarity in terms of why he’s doing this and the price he, personally, is willing to pay to keep Sam and Dean alive or to keep them from experiencing pain.

Hello, my bookish bees 😊

I am here, once again, to provide assurance that the bookworm life has chosen you and will never ever let you go, even if you don’t meet certain “criteria” that a lot of people think is “essential”.

Without further ado, you’re still a bookworm if…

  • … you don’t read all the new releases

There are sooooo many books coming out each month (no, seriously, it’s insane) and it’s completely normal to sometimes (or always) be out of the loop when it comes to them. It’s a lot to follow and it’s a lot to take in and sometimes it’s not just possible to keep in touch with everything new that is out. It doesn’t mean that you’re not a bookworm if you haven’t read the latest hyped book or continuation of a well-loved series. Most times, I personally can’t afford to buy all these new books. So instead, I save up for when there are sales or special offers. The only downside is dealing with potential spoilers because people are evil.

  • … you only read books from the library and don’t have a personal collection

Libraries are god’s gift to this world and more people should be using them. But I’ve had people tell me that they’re worried they aren’t “true bookworms” if they don’t have a personal collection. To these people I say “fuck that”. I know we all dream of a library like the one in Beauty and the Beast, but we’re not princes in castles and books unfortunately cost a shit ton of money. Also, a lot of people don’t actually have the space to deposit a book collection, so libraries are a great way to keep reading and not hoard books. Seriously though, libraries 👌💯

  • … you don’t have books in pristine condition

I personally keep my books as spotless as possible, but that’s just because I’m weird. A looooot of people love seeing books that are well worn, because that’s a sign of them being read and loved. And I agree! However you choose to treat your books, that’s your decision. Dog-ear them, highlight them, write in them, whatever tickles your fancy, go forth my child and do the thing! Your books, your rules.

  • … you don’t read an insane amount of books/year

I’ve touched on this before: life likes to mess us up and that usually implies it smiling at us and saying “well shit son, no reading for you today 😘”. But that’s okay. Once a bookworm, always a bookworm, whether you read 1 pages a year or 10.000 😊

  • … you only read a certain genre

Hey, we don’t all have eclectic tastes in books and that’s normal and should be in no way questioned. You only read YA books? GOOD BECAUSE YA IS A GREAT GENRE FIGHT ME 👊 You only read classics? More power to you because that stuff is confusing to me 😲 You love poetry and couldn’t think of reading novels? DO THE THING! Just read what makes you happy. I guarantee that you’ll always find people to discuss your feelings/emotions/thoughts with.

Basically, my loves, you’re bookworms. Period. You’ve been anointed into this life and I’m sorry to say, but there’s no way out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Mary ❤️

Genuinely caring about somebody a lot, does not guarantee they care about you equally (or at all) in return. Some people will never care about you regardless of what you do or say. So don't assume somebody appreciates you just because you do nice things for them.

This is something that I unfortunately didn’t learn until well into adulthood - It may sound obvious when its spelled out, but when you’re in the actual situation its not always so clear. Most of my life I thought if I really cared about somebody a lot, then they must care about me to some degree in return. It always felt like that connection was so strong it had to be mutual, even if the obvious signs showed otherwise. Despite certain people treating me like dirt and rarely reciprocating, I would do everything I could to make them happy. I would go out of my way to help them, say & do nice things for them, encourage them, etc..with the assumption they’d eventually show their appreciation for me being in their lives. I’d think “how could they not care about me when I make it so obvious how much I care about them? If I just keep trying they’ll come around”. This was especially true for people who maybe showed signs they cared at some point in the past, but weren’t anymore.

What I’ve learned over the years is that a lot of times that reciprocal connection is imagined. The amount you love somebody does not always affect how much they love you back. People can and will use you and your emotions. And just because somebody may have once cared about you in the past, doesn’t mean they still do now or ever will again in the future…theres often nothing you can do to change their feelings through any good deeds or kind words.

I’m not talking about classic “nice guy” syndrome. Not the crush who friend-zoned you that you’re desperately trying to win over by being nice when there should have never been any expectation of feelings to begin with…I’m talking about people who you genuinely feel a meaningful connection with. Whether that be friends, family, or romantic partners.

I wasted a lot of time on people expecting them to suddenly start reciprocating my feelings and actions. I’d be convinced I could win people over (or back over)…including bad friends and former relationships…if I was just nice enough to them and let my feelings be known. Looking back I should have cut my loses far sooner. I should have focused more on finding people who not only cared about me, but wanted to make me happy in return.

Its important not to assume somebody appreciates you just because you love them and do good things for them.You can waste a lot of time and energy focusing on people who will never really care no matter what you do.

Top 10 Myths about Introverts

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ

anonymous asked:

What's your opinion on wild-caught box turtles?

Originally posted by lorddino

All joking aside, I have problems with wild caught box turtles for several reasons:

1) Collecting turtles/tortoises from the wild can actually be a lot worse than taking other reptiles. It’s usually adult animals that are collected and because of their slow life history strategy it is extremely damaging to remove sexually mature adults from a turtle population. The negative effects aren’t always immediately obvious since turtles have such long lifespan, but one study found that removing only a handful of adult females from a small box turtle population could doom it to a slow but inevitable extinction.

2) There are plenty of captive bred box turtle hatchlings available for sale (and lots of unwanted adults in need of new homes) so there is no reason to take them out of the wild. A captive bred turtle will be much more friendly towards humans, less stressed in captivity, and less likely to harbor disease or parasites.

3) Unfortunately many (if not most) people who have box turtles as pets do not keep them anywhere close to correctly. Many end up in undersized aquariums without proper substrate, humidity, heat, or lighting. If a person takes the time to find a breeder and buy a captive bred turtle they are more likely to also put the time in to do some research on their care (whereas if they just find and keep a wild one it’s more likely to be seen as a disposable whim).

I’m not gonna say it’s never ok to take any animal out of the wild. Ecologically responsible, small-scale collection of super common species for which captive bred individuals are not available (a lot of amphibians like bull frogs, tiger salamanders, and most toads are like this) is perhaps not ideal but I don’t think it’s morally reprehensible either. But unless you’re collecting an invasive species like a red eared slider I think wild turtle/tortoise collecting is almost never ok simply because their populations are so vulnerable to it.

More than half of the world’s turtle/tortoise species are threatened with extinction in some way and collection for the pet trade is a huge threat to many species. We should avoid being part of that problem.

Tip for travelling in America

Hey guys! As the only American running this blog, I thought I’d give you a couple travel tips.
1. NEVER GO TO A RESTAURANT UNLESS YOU CAN AFFORD TO PAY 20 % MORE THAN WHAT YOUR BILL WILL ACTUALLY COME TO!!!!
Cannot stress this enough. So important. America is stupid, so we don’t actually pay our wait staff a living wage. Like, they make less than 3.00 an hour on average. Their lively hood depends almost entirely on tips. If you cannot afford to give a decent 20% tip to the person whose working their ass off and earns most of their salary from people like you, DO NOT GO!!! These people work so hard and deal with so many ungrateful customers and they deserve to be compensated for taking care of you. It sucks that their source of income depends on often mercurial customers, but that is unfortunately how it is, at least for now. HELP THEM PAY THEIR GODDAMN RENT BECAUSE THEIR BASIC SALARY DOES NEXT TO NOTHING!!!
2. AMERICA IS PRETTY FUCKING BIG!!!
Compared to Europe or even Australia, America has a lot of territory for one country. Subways/metros/tubes are only in the big cities (like the most popular ones- Boston, NYC, etc. Even Orlando doesn’t have a subways system, and Disney is there) and cabs are expensive. Bus systems are not always a thing that exists. You have to be twenty five to rent a car here (we really suck sometimes). Hitch-hiking might get you killed/robbed/raped if you end up with a shady character. Make sure you have a secure way of getting around BEFORE you arrive.
3. It’s pretty hot, especially in the south or in the summer. I know that Europeans tend to wear nice clothes even to walk around, but you can wear shorts and a t-shirt to do most standard tourism in America. Keep cool and keep comfortable.
4. AS SOON AS YOU GET OFF THE PLANE, BUY A POCKET KNIFE OR SOME MACE AND KEEP IT IN YOUR POCKET/BAG!!!! ESP IF YOU ARE A PERSON OF COLOUR!!!
This is so important. I carry a knife, a corkscrew, and a lighter everywhere I’m not hindered by security concerns, and I’m as white as they come. But racism is still such a big thing here, especially in rural areas. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE FROM THE MIDDLE EAST OR LOOK LIKE YOI MIGHT POSSIBLY BE REMOTELY MUSLIM, EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT!!! People are ignorant here, and it is a legitimate concern that you might be attacked or have reason to protect yourself. If very well might not happen, but be ready and play it safe, please.

sorry for not posting but we have a cat now

his name is Đông as in East as in East Side’s Best Cat Alive

"HANNAH FUCKED CLAY'S LIFE AND OF EVERYONE ON THE TAPES"

Okay. I just want to say what i think about this. I’ve seeing a lot of people hating on hannah because she “ ruined clay’s and Alex, Zach, etc…lifes.”

Clay didn’t deserve to be on the tapes but he MUST be because as Hannah said was her story and if she was going to tell it Clay couldn’t stay outside.
Tony did not deserve the burden that Hannah left him but I also understand Hannah a lot and because she did the things she did. 
Also, we have only some of the reasons. Not all. For which Hannah killed herself, because the list said more.
Besides that, is true that Clay suffered a lot and if Hannah had been clearer with him surely she would have saved.
But Hannah was very hurted and got tired of asking for help from the wrong people and Clay really liked her so I understand why she felt afraid and was embarrassed to tell Clay what was wrong. (Removing the fact that she thought it was only going to ruin him, I think it went beyond that)
She didn’t want to lose him but she losed him anyway because he ended up going.

The point here is not Hannah.
Unfortunately, the point here is Clay. And Tony. And all who could do something but did not.
The point of the story is that, it makes everyone stand up and think ‘I should have listened, I should have said this, I should have insisted’
When Tony said he ignored the tapes until half an hour later because he thought Hannah was a bit dramatic. When Clay got scared and left the room because he did not know how to react. All those are things that they know were wrong. They could have changed everything from having been a bit braver or not to have judged.
So I’m not judging Hannah or thinking that she was wrong for put Clay in the tapes, Clay already suffered from panic and anxiety before the tapes.
This just hit him more and did all that because he suffered those things and Hannah didn’t knew but still, Clay needed to know the truth.
And Tony told to him this several times.
If Clay did not listen to the tapes, there would be no story.
Besides, was needed that clay to be brave to make everyone recognize their mistakes and do justice. If Hannah never made the tapes, what happened to her was going to keep happening.
And that’s what the show want to teach and that’s what Clay tries to prevent.

Yesterday I read that a girl put “I hate Hannah because of her Clay’s going to spend his whole life trying to save everyone”
I think not just Clay, everyone on the tapes are going to think twice before doing things and I think that’s not bad.
Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes people prefer to ignore things to do something because it’s very painful to face it or take justice. But sometimes ignoring it is worse. And that’s what Clay learns. That it is necessary to speak when one has to speak and do something, that one has to be courageous.
That’s why Clay also continues passing the tapes at the end to Porter because everyone needs to take responsibility for what they did. ( also that jessica asked him for do it) And if you can not live with it, you try to live to repair it. And If what you did has no way of being fixed you have to live with it in the way you can.
But you can’t live like nothing if you made someone kill himself.
No matter how few intentions you had or how little you did compared to others, you did it, and anyway, none of those who did Hannah things had good intentions.
Not even Zach.
Just Clay.
That’s why, although for clay it was very painful to listen to the tapes and this almost did killed himself ( i cried a lot in that part) I think he had to listen to them and it’s like Tony said “you’re not God, you can’t stop everything”
Clay only feels guilty because he couldn’t save Hannah but none of they could, they all failed even if Clay loved her.
Tony is very sensible about what he said to Clay, because he needed to know about the tapes but he also had to know that he should not be there, that he didn’t do anything wrong, and that he was the only reason Hannah could have had to stay.
But I think guilt sometimes causes people to react.
And even if to Alex made him kill himself, if the tapes did not exist they would all have continued to live their lives quiet while Hannah killed herself.
And Bryce and all those who fucked up his life would never stop hurting others.
What is being said behind the scenes “if Bryce or any of them don’t get a cost for what they did, they will keep doing it over and over again.”
So I think everything had to be in that way. If Clay wasn’t on the tapes, nothing would have happened and no one would have done justice. Jessica would have believed Justin just as long as who knows and when she knew, she would not have the courage to talk about it or face anyone. Justin would never have considered the things he did or would never have had to tell Jessica the truth or face Bryce and break their false friendship. Bryce would never have confessed and would continue raping girls because no one of who are in the tapes faced bryce. They just left it that way. They kept their mouths shut for their own protection.
The only one who did something is Clay. And Alex would have continued to do things to be part of the bryce group and the idiots. Alex would have continued to do lists or who knows other things.
Marcus would have continued to play girls whenever he felt like it.
(And although many believe that zach is innocent and what he did was minimal or not important, I do not think so) maybe what Zach did was minimal compared to others in the tapes. But it matters. In the end, everything matters.
As hannah said is a snowball that is getting bigger.
So Zach stole the only source of happiness that Hannah had at that time (besides he being very childish making this lmao) and not only that, Hannah wrote to him a letter telling him how much she was suffering and that she needed those compliments.
And Zach ignored the letter. Maybe he did not throw it. Maybe he saved it. A point for Zach.
But he ignored her. He did not do anything. And sometimes don’t do anything is worse than doing it. That’s what the series is all about.
Maybe Zach was scared but I refuse to have compassion on him and minimize what he did, because minimizing what Zach did would be minimize the pain of hannah, and I think we’ve all learned that’s a BIG mistake. Minimizing the pain of others is not good. Zach might have a good heart … or not.
I’ve seen the series already three times and I could not help think: why do y'all overlook the scenes where Zach is a bully? LITERALLY. Zach laughs and encourages Bryce to send the picture of hannah from Justin’s phone, Zach makes obscene gestures along with marcus and the others to Hannah in the hallways after Alex’s list, Zach pushes Clay down the hallway and mocks on him. Zach stoled clay’s bike with Alex and Justin. ZACH AS THE OTHERS KEEP SILENCE ON A RAPIST. Zach continued to be friends with this rapist. Was Zach scared to help Hannah? But not scared enough to bullied others?
Maybe Zach wanted to be a marine biologist and maybe he’s allergic to strawberries. But I’m not interested. Because Zach is no different from the rest. And if Clay had not scratched his car, and if he had not faced Zach, maybe Zach would have done worse things in the future, he would have never felt guilty at all.
If Hannah did not make the tapes or did not include Clay in them, maybe Mr. Porter would never know the truth and ignore other people asking for help or advised them wrong again, and Hannah’s story would be repeated.
Maybe Courtney would continue to pretend to be friends with everyone and use people to cover her homosexuality. And Tyler would continue to spy on people and stalking people through his windows and would continue to take photos and violating the privacy of others if Clay had not faced him and the tapes did not exist, because he would never understand what hannah felt if clay did not make him feels it too.
And Ryan would continue stealing things that do not belong to him and leaving others in ridicule for his own arrogance.
And Clay would never know that it is better to say things when you should and when you have the opportunity because you could save a life.
And nobody would know the importance of what they did and said. And sheri would continue to do bad things and leave them that way that could lead to the death of more people and not just Jeff. And there would be more than one Jeff.
The only one different on the tapes is Clay. So clay had to be in the tapes because otherwise, they would all have continued to live and who knows if the tapes had kept going, maybe Bryce would have burned them and no one would ever know the truth more than they. And maybe he would have even looked for Tony to get rid of the copies or who knows.
Because not even Tony was encouraged to do something when he knew the whole truth Even Tony did not know what to do, just Clay.  
Because it’s easy to stand up and say “Hannah is a bitch she ruined everyone’s life with the tapes”
But what about her life? Who would pay anything for ruined Hannah’s life?
Were all the others supposed to keep living peacefully because Hannah was dramatic and crazy according to them? No.
 Hannah and Clay are the ones who didn’t deserve so much pain throughout history. Then maybe a little bit Alex and Jessica.
But everyone else deserved to be on the tapes and deserved to take responsibility for what they did. And I think Hannah was not dramatic. That’s all. Thank you if you read this mess until the end.