so my mom used to date this guy

plots i need because i’m obsessed with romcoms

  • how to lose a guy in ten days: the bet, the article, both think they’re duping the other
  • before sunrise: strangers meet, they have a connection, but it has an expiration date
  • pretty woman: prostitute with a wealthy person– who doesn’t love cinderella?
  • you’ve got mail: PEN PALS ( you can add in the real life hate for angst )
  • notting hill: basically people with completely different lifestyles fight for love
  • groundhog day: ~you must relive the same day until ur good~
  • what happens in vegas: VEGAS WEDDING!!!! miserable aftermath
  • uptown girls: nanny falls in love with cynical musican
  • whats your number: obsessed with having a low sex count, they find their exes
  • maid in manhattan: MAID&SENATOR (he doesn’t have to be a gross republican tho)
  • my best friend’s wedding: friend breaks marriage pact and u realize u love them
  • forgetting sarah marshall: u & ur ex are at the same hotel
  • bridget jones diary: modern pride and prejudice
  • sweet home alabama: country gone couture realizes they still love their ex
  • a lot like love: we’ve met up every few years & i want to tell you i love you each time
  • 10 things i hate about you: BETS!!!!! BETRAYAL!!!!! DYNAMIC PEOPLE!!!!
  • the proposal: who doesn’t love the fake affair stuff???
  • the wedding planner: we had a thing once and now i’m helping u with ur wedding
  • when harry met sally: can men and women be platonic friends?????
  • 500 days of summer: ‘i don’t want a relationship….’ but we do couple things
  • jersey girl: your the girl i met after my wife died!!!
  • along came polly: my partner cheated our honeymoon and you helped me forget it
  • the wedding date: i’m single & sad so i’m bringing a prostitute to my sister’s wedding
  • the wedding singer: i’m heartbroken and sad and singing at your wedding
  • sleepless in seattle: i heard you on a radio talk show and i’m OBSESSED
  • moonstruck: desperate widow falls in love with her slapdash fiance’s brother
  • no strings attached: besties hookup with no emotions hahahhaha ya right bud

then there was this guy i knew irl named brandon in 7th grade and he used to want to be my boyfriend so bad but mom wouldn’t let me date but then one day she was like ok u can date so i didn’t have an excuse anymore and dated him for 2 days and then he dumped me for another girl and i felt nothing, i wasn’t even sad about it. that’s the story of my first bf

anonymous asked:

listen i relate to that girlfriends mom post so much bc my ex and i dated for five years and her parents absolutely lived me (still do) and i'm like their favorite family member. they invite me for dinner every friday and i go to game night once a week, even though my ex and i broke up two months ago (we're still best friends tho) and they keep trying to get us back together

listen i was with my ex for 3 years and she lived in sweden, and her mom loved me so much she told her “you need to marry that girl, i don’t even care if you guys break up, marry her so she can move here” like…….. i’m That Good

The real reason why JunSu hasn’t enlisted yet.

All of the DBSK members: Let’s go to the army together!

JunSu: I’m not going!

Rest of the DBSK members: Wait why not?! I know we always joke and leave you out of things…BUT WHY AREN’T YOU JOINING US?!

JunSu: I have a girlfriend!

Rest of DBSK: YOUR MOM DOESN’T COUNT!

JunSu: *pouts* seriously guys i have a girlfriend! *pulls out picture of Him and Hani from EXID* we’ve been dating for 6 months now!

YooChun: I THOUGHT YOU ONLY LOVED ME?!

JaeJoong: That was my line!

YunHo: They grow up so fast *sniffles*

ChangMin: You guys sure that’s not photoshopped?

JunSu: *glares at ChangMin*

ChangMin: I mean congrats hyung!

Ok guys. So. There’s this lovely reader-insert fanfic that exists. It’s called Bookmarks, written by koalolive (or @demisexualmettaton here on tumblr) and it’s great. Basically, you slowly get to fall in love with mettaton. It’s adorable. Click on the fic title link to go read it, if you wish.

I can’t believe I want to date a robot this hard. My life has come to this. well alrighty. i’m sure my mom would be proud of me for using my art skills on this. very proud…

Today, I fucked up... by assuming "flaccid" meant "ice cream headache" as a child

My brother and I often snuck down to watch tv after our parents were asleep, and at the time Family Guy was in its second season or so and was the funniest show to us.

The scene in question was a dating show. The woman asks three guys what they’d do to her if she was an ice cream cone. Peter replies “I’d eat you really fast before I got flaccid.” That must be the medical term for ice cream headache, I thought.

Fast forward a few weeks later. I’m out getting ice cream with my friend and his mom. An angry ice cream headache sneaks its way into my skull. This one was particularly awful.

“Owww!! Flaccid, flaccid!!” I yell. “I’ve got flaccid!”

Friend doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Friends mom starts covering her face and making sure no one else heard, but they did.

by  lemonyellowdavintage

Check out more TIFUs: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

RED ALERT. CODE BLACK. ALL OF THE PANIC BUTTONS. My mom is trying to set me up on dates, so if anyone is contacted by a cute blonde guy with my face on Tinder, you’re totally being catfished and if any Slytherin’s come a knocking, I am fully certified from the over 21′s Nerf League to use my crossbow, so ladies—  I’m a force to be reckoned with. 

P.S. Mom, if you see this, I’d like some banana bread delivered please.

3

“Imagine being Jax and Tara’s daughter.  Jax doesn’t meet you until you and your mom move back to Charming when you’re older”

You sighed leaning back as your mom began to drive from your now old house.  She had started dating a guy who became a stalker, threatened to harm you, so naturally you had to move.  “Where are we moving to again?” You asked slightly annoyed looking over at her “Charming, I used to live there” your mother replied still looking at the road.  “Is that where my dad is?” You asked quietly, your mother had spoken very little of your father, but you had always wanted to know where your love for leather and bikes came from.  Tara sighed and nodded “yeah, you’re going to meet your father soon”

AU ideas (reblog and bold the ones you like!)

  • ‘i live in the apartment across from you and i think you’re cute but i don’t know how to approach you so i’m gonna keep stealing your mail and say the mailman keeps mixing it up so i have an excuse to talk to you’ au
  • 'i live below you so stop having sex so loud or at least do it at like noon or something’ au
  • 'i’m homeless but you offered to share your lunch with me so hi who are you’ au
  • 'we’re dating but we just found out my mom used to date your dad and it ended REALLY badly so shit’ au
  • 'email mixup leads to unexpected pen pals’ au
  • 'nurse and wounded war veteran’ au
  • 'i’m having a sleepover and my friends dared me to go on chatroulette to see how many guys were jerking off and you were one of them but hey you’re sort of cute so let’s talk’ au
  • 'STOP GIVING ME DECAF YOU STUPID FUCK’ 'WELL STOP GLARING AT ME AND BEING RUDE WHEN YOU PAY FOR YOUR COFFEE YOU TWAT’ au
  • 'i meant to vandalize my ex’s car but it was dark and i may have gotten the wrong car as in your car sorry please don’t report me’ au
  • 'disneyworld cast member and single parent with adorable small child’ au
  • 'oh hey that girl/guy i made fun of in high school got SUPER HOT in time for the 10 year reunion i wonder if they remember me OH SHIT THEY REMEMBER ME AND THEY AIN’T HAPPY WITH ME’ au
  • 'grim reaper / recently deceased person’ au
  • 'fundamentalist / flapper or bootlegger 1920s’ a8
  • 'terminally ill patient / doctor or nurse’ au
  • 'you serve food at the soup kitchen i go to and i like you and it’s so embarrassing that i have to go here to eat oh wait you like me too?’ au (bonus points if the one serving food is there for community service for doing some stupid illegal thing, like pissing in public)
  • 'okay i know the office we work in is boring but do you REALLY have nothing better to do but steal my lunch and come over to my cubicle to harass me’ au
10

Mark Salling opens up on his relationship with Naya Rivera on [3/22/15]

“You guys probably know that I used to date Naya Rivera for a couple of years. It was nice having your girlfriend on set during long hours… but sometimes not so nice. I still love Naya and she’ll always be a big part of my life..she’s having a baby now. I had always known she wanted a baby and was looking forward to that, I’m really happy for her and I think she’s going to be a great mom.”

like, there have been a bunch of guys i’ve dated that would say how much they wanted to marry me ore how they could see us together forever. and i never took them seriously. maybe it’s because my Jamaican mom and dad raised me thinking that there are only two categories of men: friend or husband. boyfriend as a title, thinking about marriage, doesn’t really mean much. the words i want to marry you don’t mean anything without action and planning. anytime some man talks about marriage, especially too soon, the first thing i think is “so, you really know nothing about what it takes to have a successful marriage, huh?” and then those thoughts are followed by “what do you have to offer as a husband?” and “what are you doing now to prepare yourself for such a big commitment?”

hearing a guy say he wants to marry you can feel so amazing, especially because a lot of people in general are afraid of commitment. so him saying it out loud makes you feel like “yes! got one!” but at the end of the day it’s just words. “i could see myself with you forever” and “i want to marry you” are different statements than “will you marry me?”

C: To be honest, sometimes I feel like 💩 going on social media & seeing black men bash black women on a daily basis. I told my mom I wanted to date outside my race & she told me to stick to my kind. Little do she know what their saying about us.


I’ve seen probably dozens and dozens of confessions like this so I’m going to respond: y’all can’t keep giving these social media “personalities” merit. They don’t represent everyone. Stop reading it, following these people, and stop engaging with that mess. Mute, ignore, block - do what you gotta do, but stop looking into these guys and minding their tweets, retweets and replies.

-Admin Kelcie

OOC: THE BIG THESIS DUE DATE TONIGHT.

(Big thesis due date, working furiously at my parent’s house. Has written like 18 pages so far today, but motivation starting to wear thin)

Me (to my parents): Man, I’m really starting to lose steam. I think I’m going to go into the other room so I can put on some motivational music and not bug you guys. *Begins to walk out to other room*

Mom: [Insert brother’s name here] was complaining that you just listened to some game music or something the whole time in Florida. I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear you’re choosing to listen to something else.

Me:…

(Megalovania 17-minute extended edition begins to blare in the distance, on repeat). 

Hayes Imagine

so a lot of my followers have been requesting a hayes imagine so i decided that i is about time that i write one so for the people who requested this heeerrreee you go

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hayes’ POV

“Mom does Nash really have to watch us on our date! I’m 14 i think i can handle myself” I groaned as me and my girlfriend of 2 months and Nash all pile out of the front door.

“Yes! you don’t have a ride and you guys could get lost or something” my mom gave me her world famous glare telling me to shut up

Nash smirked as i sighed and grabbed y/n hand and led her to Nash’s car.

“So my little babies, were to?!” Nash said in a baby voice.

“Shut up Nash! just take us to the freaking fro-yo place down the road” I groaned again and squeezed y/n’s hand tighter.

Y/N POV

Nash liked to joke around a lot and i guess it doesn’t really bother me but Hayes looked like he was about to rip Nash’s face off and i wasn’t gonna let Nash ruin me and Hayes’ date.

To calm Hayes down, i leaned my head on his shoulder and played with his big fingers.

After what felt like hours but was only 5 minutes, we arrived at the frozen yogurt place and we all got out. Me and Nash went and got a Table while Hayes ordered.

“Nash, do you have any idea how mad your making Hayes?” i sighed

“Ya! its hilarious, come on he is like 10 and so are you and you guys act like you guys are so serious like what the hell?” He messed around pushing my buttons 

i scoffed and Hayes finally came over and handed us all our frozen yogurt 

“Thanks Hayezy-poo” Nash giggled

Hayes’s face turned bright red as he slumped down in the chair next to me obviously filled with Anger.

i grabbed his hand under the table and rubbed my thumb over his knuckles to calm him down

After more pushing buttons and me trying to keep Hayes from jumping across the table, We finally were finished and were loaded into the car and pulling out of the parking lot

Hayes looked out he window the whole time as i just awkwardly twiddled with my thumbs.

We pulled into his drive way and Hayes grabbed my hand, avoiding Nash and we went into  his room. As Hayes was closing the Door, Nash yelled “No Sex little ones!” and that set Hayes off.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH” Hayes screamed and paced around the room

i Just sat on his bed and put my face in my hands.

“Hayes, just please calm down” i whispered

Hayes slumped down next to me 

“Im sorry y/n, this date was a disaster” hayes rubbed his head

“Hayes what are you talking about? I had a great time! I got to spend time with you and that is all that matters” i smiled up at him and leaned my head on his shoulder as he pulled me into him and kissed my forehead

“Thanks y/n, Nash just always has to ruin everything and i just want things to be perfect for you and-” Hayes blabbered on

“Hayes, as far as i know about relationships, this is all i could ask for, don’t let Nash and his stupid jokes ruin things for us” He smiled and cuddled into Hayes more.

Just then, Nash opened the door.

“ Look bro, i guess i maybe took it too far and i owe you a apology man, i kinda was being a dick back there” Nash carried on

Hayes got up and they did their bro hug thing

“And y/n, what i said about you guys acting like you love each other and everything, I’m sorry, and i realized that Hayes actually does love you, i see the way he looks at you” Nash smiled before walking out of the room.

Hayes’ cheeks were as bright as tomatoes by the time Nash was gone.

Then he spoke “What Nash said back there is true y/n… I do love you” he blushed and looked down.

I got up off his bed and walked over and wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him our first kiss. His lips were so soft and gentle and smiled the whole time.

“ Good because I love you” I smiled at him before he kissed me again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RUNNING THOUGHTS ON WEDDING EPISODE HERE WE GO
  • brittany’s mom is my favourite thing
  • wedding dress scene = PERFECT
  • the chicken i love glee
  •  I can’t believe they made kurt date a fifty year old I am so entertained
  • oh my god running transition
  • THERE’S NO ONE ELSE OK NOW IM CRYING HERE WE GO
  • I’m blaine’s mom of cOURSE YOU ARE
  • YOU TELL THEM BURT THAT’S WHY YOU’RE #1
  • is it bad that i know exactly which photos they used for the klaine doll thingies also oh my god i love this show
  • OH MY GOD THE KLAINE SONG OH MY GOD 
  • OH MY GOD DONT CUT AWAY
  • DID HE SAY YES
  • OH MY GOD AT LAST THIS IS TOO MUCH HOLY SHIT
  • HOLY SHIT KEVIN’S VOICE IS FANTASTIC BUT WHERE DID KLAINE GO GUYS THIS IS INSANE HAHA IM CRYING
  • OH MY GOD THE SUITS DOES THIS MEAN 
  • HOLY SHIT
  • HOLY SHIT
  • YES!!!!!!
  • “he missed the whole isle thing” HAHAHAHHA
  • I love you because I love you and I know this is going to be one heck of a ride but i don’t wanna do it unless i can do it with you 
  • is this really happening i can’t feel my hands
  • brittany’s dad is my favorite thing i love this show so much
  • HAHAHHAHAHA OTP HATS HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
  • go tina go go go tina
  • my husband and I!!!!!!!

Adopting a Pet

“Dude, we’re here to get a dog. You haven’t had a dog since you were little and I haven’t ever had a dog. I can’t believe your mom and my dad agreed to let us get a dog. I knew that when they started dating they were happier than ever, but wow I didn’t think they’d actually say yes.” Stiles rambled on. He was so excited about this and Scott couldn’t blame him. Scott was just as excited because he was actually expecting the sheriff and his mom to say something along the lines of never ask again or it’s never going to happen.

Keep reading

Confession

I started questioning myself here recently, on why I attract so many guys. I used to be cocky & think it was because I was the “pretty one”. Now I’m starting to realize how basic I really am. It’s not me sounding insecure, just me being honest with myself. I have 4c hair, the type of hair no guy likes, I act like a nagging mom (unintentionally) I’m fat, flat ass, with scars on my face, plain Jane looking features & the list can go on. I started to realize they feed off of how naive I can be. They can tell I’m the type to put up with their shit & something they can come back to. Not because I’m the “pretty one”. Took me a while but I’m glad I’m starting to recognize that. Taking a step down from that pedestal I put myself on & it’s not that bad.