tumblr is not doing good things for me. well, that’s a lie. I’ve talked to some wonderful people and made some lovely friends. I’ve learned a lot and laughed a lot…..but the cons outweigh the pros. to me and my adhd, tumblr is basically crack. completely addicting. it’s interfering with my life and I’m not getting stuff done. being surrounded by posts about mental illness and discrimination in the lgbtq community and politics and stuff like that….is exhausting really, especially for someone with mental illnesses and disabilities like me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that adhd (and anemia cause that’s a way bigger problem than most people think) is a huge force in my life right now, and I need to save my spoons and take care of my self. I can’t lie on my bed and hyper focus on my phone for hours everyday anymore. so I’m taking a break. or at least a partial break. I’m mainly on mobile, so I’m deleting this damn app as soon as I finish this post and I’m gonna go do my makeup and go have some fun with my friends. I’m not staying home tonight, not again. I’m not missing out on life because my energy has all been drained reading negative posts on the Internet. I’ll keep up my queue and talk to my mutuals on my laptop, but I’m turning off my asks. (however submissions will stay open and will be greatly appreciated in order to keep my queue up) if I unfollow you, please don’t take it personally, I just need to keep myself from getting distracted and I need a dash that is free from shitposts and discourse. anyways. thank you for being such amazing, caring, understanding, patient and beautiful followers. and thank you for putting up with lil ‘ole me and my disabled ass. maybe when I get better I’ll be more active again.
xoxo, lots o love,
PHILKAS WEEK:day 3 : a scene: such a perfect scene. i love anne so much and she deserved so much better. she could have been a mother figure for lukas since they seemed to get along very well. i love this scene because it’s the first time lukas tells somebody else that he likes philip and even if the scene is just a couple of minutes, it’s super nice to see lukas being open and honest and thinking that someone is gonna judge him but no one does. in fact that person that he talks to, anne, just gives him a kiss on the cheek and tells him that it’s gonna get better. yeah i don’t know if this makes sense but it’s such a perfect scene. that’s all you really need to know. it’s a perfect scene.
there won’t ever be a character that will continue to devastate me at a visceral subatomic level like raven reyes. last episode (4x03) just highlighted, once again, how much i love her and how excited i am to see her arc unfold in the future, because she has so much more story to tell than people initially believed.
it takes raven a few emotionally tortured moments/scenes to get to the point where her heart bursts open and she decides to change the game for herself, but it’s so nice to see (even if heartbreaking) that she is someone who feels everything with her entire being nonetheless, because yes, raven isn’t a stone-cold, ruthless, inhuman girl who makes “wrong choices” (she had a point after all and she acted her choice out in connection to that information). people seem to forget that she is someone who understands pain and loss, too - always has and always will - and you see through her heart in more than one occasion. she enters leadership with a very measured and dedicated goal - save their people - but much sooner than later she realizes what the cost of life and death actually means (especially since she makes the call), and how you start to go through your life in connection to the decision you’ve made, carrying the burden.
it’s so similar to what bellamy had been through in 4x02.
the way she approches leadership with her head first shows how much of a natural and amazingly, hypertalented woman she is, especially in the department of science. she does most of the technical work, and she is extremely good at it. but then you also see the sheer contrasting cut from her head as soon as her heart is involved, because raven is someone who is heavily connected to the heart. throughout the episode she is a bundle of neuroses, and by the end she not just experiences something for herself, but we enter a new direction in her arc that also affects how she deals with others from now on.
one of the most notable moments is this one:
yes, the scene in which adria dies in luna’s arms is the one that forces raven’s head to flare, because as much as she has been right about the medicine, it’s clear that - in that hard-hitting moment - she wishes it actually had worked to save adria’s life. but this scene right here (see caps above) is the one that hits me the most, because there is so much maturity in raven’s decision to stay in medical after that first-hand experience. not just as a leader, but as a person.
the camera clearly spends time to focus on the dead grounders. already wrapped up and all, and it also shows who was there with them until they died - abby, nyko, luna and raven. and here is my deal with the entire sequence:
adria is luna’s child (not literal), and luna is not raven’s friend (i hope that will change soon), but raven chooses to owe responsibility to her previous decision and be there for the infected people; decides to barrel herself right into a series of brutal first-hand experiences (everyone dies except for luna); pulls herself together to help. raven, pretty much like abby, or nyko, shares the sadness for others here, but instead of going back to work (that passion is shakeble for her after all) she lets herself be stripped from a certain innocence she used to have in the beginning of the ep, when she called “the decision between who gets to live and die” clarke’s speciality, and feels the full force of loss and leadership. she doesn’t close herself off, but is ready to make that step forward, with the people, with abby. and it all just speaks volumes for her character and her emotional, personal growth. now the world looks even more different for her and she is there with everyone, every step of the way. not hiding, but present.
it’s clear that she will have to make more hard decisions, this is only the first step after all, but i am so excited to see it all. she is truly stepping up.
Hyung line when you tell them that you dreamt about them
I’m so sorry that I have to split hyung line and maknae line like this at the moment, it’s just that I’m writing my bachelor thesis right now and I can’t write two whole reactions per week, there is just no time. That’s also why my queue is so late with everything. Like I queue everything two days in advance so there will be a lot of posts that you have already seen on other blogs, I’m very sorry :* I’m thinking that around Christmas, it will get much more relaxed for me again and I can write whole reactions again and be much more up-to-date with my queue :)
All gifs belong to their rightful creators=owners (see urls right under the gifs as always :*). All eonni sends all her love to all 866 of you <333
You: “Oppa, I dreamt that you visited me at university tonight~ Everyone was staring at us because we were such a pretty couple^^”
Him: “I’ll see if I can visit you in your dream tonight again~ [blows you a kiss]”
You: “Aww, oppa, that’d be nice~”
Him: “[ruining it Jin style™] Only if I can make it though, a handsome guy like me…I might be too busy visiting someone else’s dream…”
You: “Oppa, I dreamt about you tonight, that’s how much I miss you while you are on tour~~ You were coming to my home town and eating with us and then we went for a walk around the neighbourhood, it was so nice~”
Him: “Really? It sounds amazing, baby~ Actually, the other day…”
You: “What? What did you do the other day?”
Him: “I dreamt about you the other day, too, but…ahhh…it’s a bit cheesy…I dreamt we were taking Holly for a walk, and you…ahh oppa’s heart was hurting so much…seeing you play with Holly, it was too adorable~”
You: “Oppa, I dreamt about you last night! I dreamt I came to university one day and all of a sudden, you were the professor teaching my class! And you didn’t even recognize me anymore!”
Him: “Really? I was a professor? And I didn’t know you anymore? I would like to know what made you dream something like this, seriously^^”
You: “It scared me a bit. I felt so desperate that I wasn’t your girlfriend anymore, I didn’t know what to do”
Him: “Awww, baby~ [hugs you] I wouldn’t forget you, ever~”
You: “[waking up from a nightmare about Hobi in the middle of the night, moving closer to him and cuddling up to him]”
Him: “[waking up from your movements] _______? [Takes you into his arms] Is something wrong? Why - Are you sweating?”
You: “Oppa, just now, I had a horrible nightmare about you. I dreamt that you had to be hospitalized and they didn’t let me see you because I’m not family”
Him: “Shhh, it’s alright~ I won’t ever get hospitalized like that, don’t worry. Oppa will take good care of his health for you. I won’t ever leave your side, don’t worry about anything~ [kisses you]”
So much of my heart hurts. So much of me is always in pain that sometimes it gets too much and I have to stop, and I have to cry, and sometimes I have to scream and sob until my throat is a wrecked and aching mess and I can’t see through my eyes cause they’re swollen shut.
But so much of my heart heals. For every crack it gets, someone will tell me they like my smile, or I’ll see kids playing together and laughing, or I’ll get a hug that lasts just a bit longer than normal, and I heal. The cracks become something that light can shine out of, and one day there’s going to be nothing left to break, and I’m going to have a sun in my chest, strong and warm and burning, and everything is going to be alright.
And you’re going to be alright too, because despite everything, it’s still you.
…i was about to say, anon…that could have been awful…
Roadhog - He just stand there all quiet before his s/o can clearly hear this loud gasp and he just hugs it. He loves it so much and he loves his s/o so much, like holy shit??? give his s/o a big hug that lasts for several minutes before letting go. He keeps it close and just can’t help to smile whenever he sees it.