thank you for existing

my therapy starts in two weeks and i haven’t been since fifth grade. three years. have i gotten better at all? how bad have i gotten since? i don’t eat anymore. starving is a habit. I drink a twelve pack of diet coke a week. what the fuck is wrong with me. we’re almost out of water because of me. the tap is contaminated; my parents tell me. if it is, i want to die. i haven’t brushed my teeth in two days. you can run. i’m going skating with him on friday and i haven’t been in three weeks. i still need to break in my new skates. i’m gonna fall. i scream photo op. i’m gonna get skinny. skinny. skinny. skinnyskinnyskinny. thin. all i want to be. pretty. dainty. petite. boys tell me i’m pretty and girls have told me they’re jealous, but i don’t see it. people say they want my body, but where? all i am is fatfatfatfat. i miss lexi. i hope she misses me. am i depressed. i’m suicidal, but does being that and having depression come hand in hand? if i’m suicidal does that mean i’m depressed? i’m an honors student. perfect attendance. perfect grades. perfect. shitty home life. my parents are fake to my friends. he hasn’t hit me in two years but it still hurts. my mother is sick and has been since i was born. both physically and mentally. i want to be okay. okayokayokay. he called me babe today and i got so happy. he’s a senior. quite a bit older than me, but i feel older than him. i’m not even allowed to date him because of age, but i don’t care. mineminemine. he is my reason for staying. he is my reason to live. thank you.

lilacflamesss  asked:

i feel like someone else will send you ayahina so im gonna send you what i sent leila-- plum squad :D

OHHHHHHHHH DAMN

  • who said “i love you” first: YOUR GIRL ALICE HERE DID because im a mushy piece of trash who loves both of you a lot and will remind u that fact every day
  • who would have the other’s picture as their phone background: leila is too tsundere for it so maybe me and you but you will probably have some nasty plum picture there-  👀
  • who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror: leila would leave us in the morning messages like ‘good morning lazy asses love u’ and we’d just write her back HAHA
  • who buys the other cheesy gifts: me. me all around. actually maybe leila too bc when she’s in the mood she can be cheesy : D
  • who initiated the first kiss: LEILA. OR YOU. OR BOTH OF YOU I JUST KNOW IM TOO MUCH OF A SHY MESS
  • who kisses the other awake in the morning: meeeeee!! i would kiss u awake bc you are cute and you’d be annoyed lmao 
  • who starts tickle fights: i have a feeling this is a very far thing to do but then it will turn very… plummy
  • who asks who if they can join the other in the shower: maybe me??? very shyly like the soft ayato kun i am
  • who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch: leila who shows her affection through actions instead of words
  • who was nervous and shy on the first date: lmao me
  • who kills/takes out the spiders: i am not scared of spiders i shall be your hero
  • who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk: FAR BECAUSE YOU ARE ADORABLE LIKE THAT. DRUNK LEILA WILL PROBABLY AGREE WITH YOU AND I WILL JUST SAY IT BACK AND TAKE U TWO HOME LOL