My favorite college quotes
The intro to UP basically describes my life. Broken dreams and straight people
Wearing sunglasses is like having an instagram filter on for everything
See every time I try champagne I just want fizzy grape juice
I’m gonna be reincarnated as a banana slug. I’m not going to heaven with 40 virgins. My karma so no good.
Socks with pine trees. I have a forest of pine because I have so much pine for this boy
C is for cookie it’s good enough for me
Zac efron was a gift created by the gay gods. No one shall be bagging his dick unless it’s me and the bag is my ass
Sometimes I would love to be a big black man and scare the shit out of white people
- There are so many people that play violin.
I know, we’ll make two parts.
- Very good Wolfgang
*farts* I think that just describes my life. A long, slow fart
Me and this book had quite an affair
Fuck you vehicular manslaughter laws. I am above you.
Ohana means butt cheeks. (Or Obama if you’re autocorrect)
I draw the line here. And that line is between you and panties.
Tears from Leo deeper than the ocean the titanic sunk in
The only thing I know about my life is desserts -
I crave the cuddles so hard!!!
- Did any girl really come with a bra?
- No, man forced it upon us.
Can I borrow your window? I’m gonna throw up outside of it.
Humans are like cucumbers with anxiety (cuz we have the same water concentration)
My backs not a voicemail say it to my face bitch
Sorry doesn’t sweeten my fucking tea
My asshole gets jealous with all the shit that comes out of my mouth
In the venn diagram of gays and Jews the overlapping middle is musical theater
Hallelujah for sexy chicken!
Also money. Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy chocolates and vibrators and that’s close enough
Sometime I forget that ice cream is cold.
I think Donald trump should suck all of this country’s oil through a straw