so many of you write so well then there's this omfg

It’s been a long time, w/o u my quotes

-All MY FRIENDS ARE FURRIES TAKE IT SLOOWWW
+i am not your friend
+i am not a furry

‘‘My Mac Daddy Skills are Super Limp’’

‘‘i was just listening to the spice girls and i have to come back to this’’

-I’M CAPABLE OF PLAYING THE FIRST PART OF THE FRENCH ANTHEM IN THE OTAMATONE
+i can’t find my titty holder
+AND THATTS AWESOME
-Why do i use my time for this

-Guess what
+youre gay?
-yes but
-*whispers in your ear * hexaflexagons

-COME ON MC LETS GO ON A ROMANTIC GYM SPREE! I CALL DIBS ON THE TREADMILLS!
-10/10 date ideas
+If when we met u don’t drag me to a date like that I’ll asume u don’t love me
-*crosses the border into spain * come on babe its time to count down those calories and burn that thigh fat
-ok but when you think about the name ‘‘burn your fat with me’’ could mean 2 totally different things like this could be some innocent workout where youre just getting fit or whatever the fuck but this could just as easily be a ‘lets slice off your leg fat and burn it in a sacrifice to satan bc with the power of love anything is possible. and they say romance is dead’ type thing

-I
-Love
+i need all the attention
-You
-bitch accept my love
+i,, eve?
+are you okay
+you just said i love you
-b i t c h accept it
+WHO IS THIS YOURE NOT EVE

‘‘i have multiple friends i refer to as mom in my contacts and then my actual mom and before i was smart and changed the names i nearlt sent a joke to my actual mom about how i wanted to eat her pussy’’

-Shit they saw the window sex aBORT
-THIS IS NOT A DRILL PASSERBYS HAVE SEEN THE DIC K AGAINST THE GLASS
-SI REN NOISE S
+OMFG
-KDVDMSHEKSE AAAAAAAA
-Ripperoni them two
+Dicks? In my window??
-Its more likely than you think

‘‘he gay
the french ones are always gay’’

‘‘I just spammed my mom with middle fingers hi’’

-I’m gonna crawl under a rock and die
-See y’all in hell I guess
+No don’t die
-Too late
-I’m dead inside

-Keiths hard
+hel p i think i saw a blood slurper?
~Keith’s hard
-you ass
-eVE
+pft
-WHATS A BLOOD SLURPER
+SLURRRP
+mosquito ::::::::((((

-‘‘Aritmetic love series’’ the only sadism here is the math
+I knew the hexaflexagons had something to do with all of this
-Math is art
~Math is pain
+Life is pain
-Art is pain
~Art is math
#My hair is a mess
~Life is a mess

‘‘Grandma: ‘‘do you want to die, huh?’’
Me internally: yes absolutely I creve death’’

-Tf did I come back to
+Idek
~we just yelled out the sexual tension
-I’m
-This is underage I’m gonna go
~i called novi a syrup licking cunt
~and he said he would ‘‘tuck my ass in’’ and then we screamed about how we tought the other was pretty

‘‘I am ready to fight a god.’’

‘‘Texas time I’m coming over to hug you
Don’t question how
Just believe in the yeehaw powers’’

-what rhymes with angel
-crangel
-uh
-ladle
-wait no
-langel
+Langel
-LANGEL
-yes
-my name is langel
-it rhymes with
-bangel
-i like to lick
-pineappleangels
-what am i doing with my life
-honestly

‘‘I JUST SNORTED TEA’’

-Kiku stop being so fucking edgy jfc
+I’m so edgy I can cut myself on me
-Oh my god
~Lmao

‘‘*gets fucked real hard up the ass * how much sp did you get just then’’

-Rub salt into my wounds like youre up in the Alaskan wilderness, harvesting meat so you can survive the unforgiving winters and manage not to starve. Pound me and grind me untill Im all fine and then wrap me up in plastic before shoving me in a shed for 4 months and slowly eating my remains until Im non existent
+God damnit, you’re turning me on

-Why is your German boyfriend unaware of the existence of trees
+I don’t know
+maybe it’s a German thing?? Maybe they don’t have trees there,,,

-Young love
-I remember when I was young
+ryan
+I’m a year older than u
-did i fucking stutter

-I’ll just summon a demon on another day uwu
+Eve you are a demon
~Eve is a good demon
-I need to summon an army, baba
-I’ll become the dictator of a country of demons
~#proud

‘‘Why must you yeehaw’’

‘‘yeehaws from europe’’

-yeehaws from south europe
+yeehaws from north-central europe
~stop yeehaws they’re not even a thing here
-Yeehaws are an European thing now guys
+yeehaws in polish
~No they’re not
+yeehaws in eUrOpeaN
+yes they are

‘‘Also mother asked me if I’m looking for my dream priencess on the beach and yes mom thank you I am gay’’

-I need to go to Walmart today
+Get some wasabi peas 4 me
~Ger some edgy candles for me
+Oo ye

-ya like jazz?
+i ducking love jazz
-That’s rude to ducks
+youre rude to ducks
-Duck you
+id duck you so hard, eve
+quack
~God my legs hu- What did i come back to
+oh hi novi why are you awake?
+: )

-oK
-BUT
-if i stay up 2 days with no sleep and then write something 
-how bad can i get
-im already fucking terrible with 1 day of no sleep
-BUT 2 DAYS
-could be interesting
+Ryan you’re gonna stunt your growth
-ive already accepted the fact that im never gonna grow to be a redwood tree

‘‘Been here for 2 seconds and I’ve already destroyed a relationship’’

-Why is post apocalypse Mr. Krabs into bdsm
+why wouldn’t he
~The world is burning,,,,,,,,,,, lets masturbate
-Novi what the actual fuvc
+and they say romance is dead
-It is and you two killed it
+wym we are the most romantic of the romantics sweet and innocent angels
+who did nothing wrong
-Lies
+truths
-No
+get over here you spanish bitch
~I’m already here you American asshole
+we’re proving how romantic we are now shove it up your asshole
~Right after u

-SEIUGFIUEFWHGQE
-EJLEISHDF;.K
-SEKFJ
+Are you okay
-sorry i turned on a hannah montana playlist and nobodys perfect came on
-this was my shIT

-wow
-now baba is really gonna go to jail
-good job novi you idiothole
+shut up Ryan u stupid ass
-you like my stupid ass though
-i just dont like your idiothole
+which one of them
-idk novi why dont you pick you seem to have many holes on your body
+Honestly why are we like this 
(…)
-have you decided which hole is your idiothole yet or are you still trying to count them all to make a decent decision
+Ryan is2g
~lowkey laughing because wtf the fuck guys
+Same tbh
-im just sAYING
(…)
-novi your name is literally ryan fucker
+I’m not cheating on u w/ another ryan
-HOW CAN I BE SURE
-theres a spanish ryan i fucking know it
-gonna kill that bitch
+Nah but my psicologist is called Randall
-psicologist
-what an english you did there
+wh
-psychologist
+AH
+Fuck me up y
-which hole is your y
+rYAN N O
-IT WAS AN H O N E S T QUESTION
+IS2G
-im crying o love annoying you
+Well fucc u then
-which hole
+I’m leaving
-lmfao
~I don’t know whether to cry or laugh at your interactions

-yo evvu
+eve my meme bro
-If eve is ur meme bro
-Then what am I
~pardner
-my bro bro
-meme pardner
~pard n er
-Idk how to feel about this

‘‘idk about you but one of my favorite games when i was 7 was “throw rocks from my driveway at passing cars bc i was raised to be an asshole from birth"’’

‘‘Guys I have resting murder face
I was just chilling looking at my phone and my sister was like ‘‘why do you look like you want to stab someone’’ but ITS JUST MY FACE’’

‘‘Ryan, raised to be a quotable asshole’’

-i am a pure and innocent angel that did nothing wrong
-i was not browsing furries while talking to novi shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
-you have no evidence of this
+Uhuh
-: )
-i was curious so i searched for snep on tumblr and of course furries came up?
-so i had to look for scientific reasons only
-it was a check for quality
-nothing else
~Why am I not even surprised

-Why must you do this every time I leave
+,,,,,,, memes
-Uhuh

‘‘ok hey the space ponies werent my fault’’

‘‘Everyday I descend more into insanity’’

-IGNORE
-THE FACT THAT I WAS RESEARCHING ‘DEER PREGNANCY’
+I diDN’T EVEN LOOK BUT NOW I’M AWARE OF IT

‘‘i mean ive brought it from ‘i love you’ to ‘hey so like do you ever just wanna scream dick at the top of your lungs in public’’’

-I’m gay
+Hi gay
+I’m Baba
~I’m cant

‘‘,,,,,,i licked it is it enough’’

‘‘mother just asked me if i like jazz and i died’’

‘‘quote me up (quote me up inside)’’

Bonus: I asked for last words and they gave me this

@stammi-ravioli  @plushy-eve  @space-asylum  @rolord  @ask-ageswap-viktor  @shitphobe420  @hatelikingbatman  @ask-yoi-viktor-nikiforov  @phantasmagoricalcoffee  @nocturnal-narcissus  @meow-puta  @wanber  @yuuri-on-heelys  @ask-otabek  @ask-ice-family  @nam-nam-joon  @caffeinebeancrock  @rosebud1903

The email I sent to “The Today Show”:

To whom it may concern,
(I hope this is the right address to send this type email)

You may or may not have received a email similar to this (I sent it way too early on my phone)
In August of this year, these two YouTubers “danisnotonfire" and “AmazingPhil" also respectfully known as Dan Howell and Phil Lester are coming to Australia for their tour, “The Amazing Tour is not on Fire”. This is a really big deal to not only me but to heaps of people over in Australia who like them, as the opportunity for us to see them in our own country is extremely rare (as their home turf is in the UK so as you could imagine it’s on the other side of the world). But first let me give you an introduction to Dan and Phil.

First thing you need to is they’re YouTubers, but please don’t let that fool you. No they may not be Taylor Swift or Brad Pitt but you need to know that they are loved so many people, and have help a lot of them through their videos. They interact with their followers in a way that normal celebrities wouldn’t. (e.g. tweeting back to fans and having a really genuine and authentic connection with them). Between them they have 12 million subscribers on youtube, and millions more on other social media sites, were previously BBC Radio 1 presenters, plus have been named some of the biggest you tubers out there, and were  amongst some of Britain’s most influential peoples.

Dan and Phil are well known for their content they bestow on their channels, danisnotonfire (Dan Howell) containing videos which relate to so many, from being addicted to your phone, skits about school, procrastination to giving advice in his well known series “Internet support group”. He also does collaborations with other YouTubers and even one with Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutchinson and our fellow Aussie Liam Hemsworth, and also recounts some anecdotes based on events that have happened in his life in a series called “Reasons why Dan’s a fail". Amongst all the funniness he makes deep videos about various subject such as, The Meaning of Life, A Message To My Younger Self, Opinions and about Being Nice to Others on the internet.
Here’s the link to his channel:
https://www.youtube.com/user/danisnotonfire/videos

On the other hand AmazingPhil (Phil Lester) upload content that is simultaneously funny, quirky and creative, and was one of the reasons Dan started out on YouTube being one of Phil’s fans. Phil on the other hand creates content a bit differently to Dan veering more towards talking about whats happened in his life and different situations he’s being in, from destroying his house, to smashing 3 mirrors and being trapped in a pair of jeans when trying them on. Phil has also been a maker of many tags and challenges people make videos about on Youtube, even other big YouTubers, such as The Tumblr Tag, The Toilet tag, The Not-Milk Challenge, and more famously the “7 Second Challenge”. And a special mention that he has collaborated with our very own Kylie Minogue.
Here’s another link but to Phil’s Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/user/AmazingPhil/featured

One of the more notable videos they both make is a collaboration with each other each year called “amazing phil is not on fire” which is basically a very creative, cool and quirky version of a Q&A. Another thing you have to understand is they’re both video bloggers, not vloggers (they don’t talk about their full life and makes daily vlogs of what they do each day). Sorry I just had to get that straight because most people I talk to don’t get the difference.

I thought that this would be a good idea, because sometimes life’s unfair and some of us may not get that opportunity to see them, whether that’s meeting them in real life, going to the show or in some coincidental chance bumping into them in public. So why not have them on a TV show that will be broadcasted nationally. I’m aware that even if it’s a yes, Dan and Phil would still have to agree to the interview, but hey, whether theres even a 1% chance that this could actually I’m willing to try at least.

I’m writing to ask a big favour, could you maybe consider having them on The Today Show when they come to Sydney? I know what a big deal I’m asking, trust me, but I thought it would be a nice idea, considering how rare this opportunity is.

Thank you for taking your time to read this and please consider having them on your show.
Ps. With this email I attached a video about them talking about The Today Show, along with a picture of the tour dates.

Kind regards,
(my name)

OMFG I STILL CANT BELIEVE I WROTE THIS TO THEM ASDFGHJKL
@unicorns-are-fangirling this is the email I sent :)

anonymous asked:

Yoonseok ;)

((I saved the best for last yessss my otp))

  • Who’s more dominant: Yoongi is more dominant one, but i’ll be damned if Hoseok gives Yoongi a piece of his mind and doms the fuck out of the older lmao
  • Who’s the cuddler: they both love cuddles but I feel like Yoongi would be the one that actively seeks them out. Like Hoseok loves cuddling it’s his favorite position to sleep in but Yoongi is the one to hold his arms out for Hobi after a long day and essentially silently beg/ask for cuddles ((which Hoseok can never deny him))
  • Who’s the big spoon/little spoon: okay so i have this headcannon where Yoongi is a hoe for being the little spoon, like when they cuddle he grabs Hoseok’s hands and places them around his waist and intertwines their fingers. or he leans his head back into Hobi’s chest and hums as Hoseok skims his fingers over Yoongi’s skin
  • What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: as cheesy as it is, I think they would love listening to music together like Yoongi will make a mix of songs for the two of them to listen to and they will lay in bed or sit in the studio and listen to the songs while commenting on stuff together.
  • Who uses all the hot water: Hoseok needs the relaxation on his muscles after the long hours of dance practice so he probably needs the extra few minutes ((they also shower together quite often oops))
  • Most trivial thing they fight over: who is going to do the shopping for the week lmao, because they both just want to lay in bed together and do nothing 
  • Who does most of the cleaning: Hoseok 1000%
  • What has a season pass on their dvr/Who controls the netflix queue: I dont think either of them watch television, they would rather spend time together
  • Who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: Yoongi because if Hoseok does it then the landlord wouldn’t be there until three months later
  • Who leaves their stuff around: I think it would probably be Yoongi because he is either to tired to pick stuff up or just forgets
  • Who remembers to buy the milk: Hoseok that man is so organized he has lists for everything and he will never ever forget anything from the store bc Yoongi will never ever let Hobi forget it lmao
  • Who remembers anniversaries: Hoseok remembers stuff better but Yoongi won’t miss something as important as like one year or something, but Hobi always likes to do half years like “happy two and a half year anniversary jagiya!”
  • Who cooks normally: Hoseok loves to cook stuff and bring it to Yoongi in the studio, feeding him and making sure he eats something and then curling up in Yoongi’s lap and watching as he composes. but it never lasts long bc they end up falling asleep on the couch in the studio or going home
  • How often do they fight: they keep fighting to a minimal, knowing the other and what ticks them off and not doing it, but if they do something unintentionally the other will let them know what they did and they make sure not to do it
  • What do they do when they’re away from each other: Hoseok would want to video chat at least every other night and tbh Yoongi can’t deny him because at the end of the day when he is tired and mad at everyone he is with and hes away from Hobi he is drained but when he sees Hoseok’s face in the screen all smiley and happy Yoongi has to smile and immediately feels so much better
  • Nicknames for each other: Yoongi calls Hoseok Hobi or baby. And Hoseok calls Yoongi sweetheart or jagi ((or daddy oops))
  • Who is more likely to pay for dinner: Yoongi just because he loves taking care of Hoseok
  • Who steals the covers at night: neither bc they sleep so close together that they have no need for stealing the covers because they share their warmth with one another
  • What would they get each other for gifts: Hoseok would get Yoongi journals or new places to write lyrics and Yoongi would get Hoseok ((new sex toys)) new hats bc that boy has been wearing so many hats and he looks damn good in them
  • Who kissed who first: okay i have another headcannon oops so like after their first date they got to their separate rooms and theres the whole “do i kiss them” or what and right as Yoongi goes to say something Hoseok leans in and kisses the shit out of Yoongi and just goes, “I have a great time jagi.” and hes like oh shit i fucked up like we arent even dating and Yoongi smiles and turns so red and just runs into his room and Seokjin is just like “wtf” and Yoongi just stays there all night 
  • Who made the first move: Hoseok was the one to ask Yoongi out on a date ad it took yoongi by surprise that he almost said no but quickly corrected himself like “Of course!!” 
  • Who remembers things: Hoseok is better at remember small things but they both have good memories
  • Who started the relationship: ANOTHER HEADCANNON gdi Britt. okay but one day Yoongi would randomly go up to Hoseok and grab his hand and be like “come with me” and Hoseok just goes along bc omg they are holding hands! and Yoongi leads him to his room and he pushes Hobi on the bed and kisses the living shit out of him and just says “I really like you Hobi, will you be my boyfriend?” but hes v nervous and Hoseok just grabs him by the waist ad pulls him down onto his lap and kisses Yoongi mumbling, “Of course jagi.”
  • Who cusses more: Yoongi it is always Yoongi hahaha
  • What would they do if the other one was hurt: Hoseok would act like he was dying as well lmao like kissing all over Yoongi and shit. Yoongi would get literally whatever Hoseok wanted
  • Who is the dirty talker: they both do but Yoongi has such a dirty mouth and Hoseok loves to just take the dirty talk and he moans in between the syllables of Yoongi’s sentence

Honestly im such trash come talk to me about Yoonseok

frothyisyourfriend  asked:

I'M KIDDING I LOVE YOUR TAGS PLEASE CARRY ON I JUST SAW YOUR TAGS ON THIS POST () AND I'M T O R N LIKE WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PUT DAD!JASPAR IN MY HEAD I'M SO SAD

(x) ASDFGHJKL FROTHY I LOVE U AND I ALSO LOVE DAD!JASPAR I ACTUALLY HAVE QUITE A FEW HEADCANONS ABT IT LIKE:

  • for some reason i always imagine them having two kids, boy and a girl and all their friends are like ‘oh here we go. jaspar can barely take care of a dog, no, a pet fish, and theyve got two kids…this wont end well’ 
  • zoe talks to joe one day and is like ‘yknow im here whenever you need me, but im not gonna raise these kids joe. u and caspar are really gonna have to be responsible. no more partying all the time and if u even think abt making josh the godfather i will kill u…” 
  • and joes basically like ‘zoe pls i can do this’ and hes so determined to prove everyone wrong bc he really wants these kids, they both do, and they plan to love and cherish them and raise them right 
  • “and theres no way josh is becoming the godfather are u kidding, zoe, im not an idiot”
  • caspar insists on making josh the godfather. joe stares at an imaginary camera like he’s on the office
  • they love the kids so much its crazy, they become such a close knit family unit and the kids are maybe a little spoiled (joe discovers that caspar has even less impulse control than he thought, as caspar will happily buy the kids whatever they want. “you need to teach them to work for some things caspar” joe says one day while theyre all out shopping. caspar and the kids turn to joe and simultaneously give him sad puppy dog eyes. joe grumbles under his breath but relents, buying them what they want.“ive taught them well” caspar says, ruffling their sons hair) 
  • they definitely raise the nerdiest children pls. the kids grow up on video games, harry potter, lotr and documentaries on ancient civilisations. and theyre little book worms!!! just imagine them all tucked up in joe and caspar’s bed, joe and casp each have a kid curled up next to them as they read them stories. theyd do funny voices for each of the characters and act out certain scenes and giggle a lot
  • theyd be a family of movie references and bad puns. points if the bad pun is a movie reference (theyd probs make it a game and actually keep score of the points and everything)
  • pranks. lots of pranks. joe sets up pranks on caspar with the kids all the time, theyre like his little sidekicks. but then they become too good and start working together to prank joe and he slowly begins to regret ever showing them his pranking ways (though he’s also proud af) also they all prank oli whenever he comes over #letolilive2kforever
  • theyre both the chill and fun parent. they form such strong bonds with their kids, so the kids are never shy coming to them for advice or talking to them about their troubles. they support their kids in everything, all their interests, letting them pick up any sport they want and pursue all their hobbies etc. (one week its painting, the next its cooking, then its making videos (they all film funny little skits together)) 
  • zoe comes over to spend some time with them (she hardly ever does bc they live far away. also jaspar would probably take the kids travelling in the holidays a lot so the kids are v worldly) and she pulls joe aside and smiles. ‘i should never have worried,’ she says. ‘theyre such lovely kids. you’ve done well joseph’ 
  • ‘told you’ joe replies smugly, feeling insanely proud of his kids
  • zoe pats his hair affectionately then grips his shoulder and pulls him to eye level 
  • ‘but i cant believe u actually let josh be the freaking godfather.’