so many hilarious and perfect quotes

The Duchess Deal - Tessa Dare

Ashley’s Fast & Dirty Review™: my thoughts and feelings condensed for your reading pleasure because I don’t have time for that in-depth nonsense.  Will probably contain spoilers. 

  • (Love this cover, do not love the man - they could have done better depicting my precious Ash tbh, but moving on.)
  • Don’t touch me.  Don’t look at me.  I am no longer human, but rather an animated ball of emotion that cannot interact in the world; I can only exist in a state of awe towards my one true God and creator - Tessa Dare.
  • WHO GAVE DARE THE RIGHT TO DO THIS ME YET AGAIN?!?!?!?!  If you haven’t read her other duke-level shenanigans (Romancing the Duke & Any Duchess Will Do) GET.ON.IT.
  • Anyway, he’s a Duke scarred by war, she’s a victor’s daughter turned seamstress emotionally scarred by rejection.  They marry, they banter, I laugh, I weep, they love, I love.  Beauty and the beast retelling, but so much more.
  • I always try to earmark the best bits to put quotes in my reviews, but, quite honestly, I felt the need to mark every page, every other passage.  Every word Dare writes is perfection, hilarious or heart-wrenching, sexy or sweet.  I snorted laughter too many times to count and I teared up more than I’d like to admit.  I can’t give you any quotes because I would need to include everything, so just read the damn book.
  • Christ on his throne, the bedroom madness throughout: the sweetness, the gentleness, the cat, the pain, the pleasure, the joy, the healing…I was not equipped to handle anything that happened in that marital bed or chair or bookcase…
  •  PENNY!!!!  If you don’t like Penny, you are inherently hateful.  What an adorable ball of Hufflepuff purity.
  • I will never, NEVER be tired of sassy servants.
  • Spoiler: When Emma just set down her father and shut him out - I died, and then I lived again, strong, better.  God fucking bless that scene.
  • If you don’t like this book, please don’t tell me, because this after glow is going to last decades and I’m not open to any critiques that will ruin my high.


anonymous asked:

PLEASE bother us with your Star Trek AU.

I’m gonna try not to ramble but historically that has almost never worked out, so we’ll see how this goes

OKAY so first off some quick character placements/descriptions (pls assume TOS uniforms bc I love the classics)  ((also I’m limiting myself to just the usual GoM kids bc I literally cannot shut up pls forgive me.  I can talk more abt others if anyone is curious??  but you’re gonna have to ask.))

  • Kuroko works in engineering (he’s a redshirt, good luck, kiddo), specifically he’s a systems engineer; he works with the tractor beams and transporters.  he might not have a very flashy job, but he’s damn good at it and he does his best to keep the ship running smoothly.  (you know how there’s always that one episode/plot point centered around transporters doing something that should be impossible?  he’d be the one who becomes a hero for making it work out somehow.)
  • Kagami is in security (so, also a redshirt).  He’s one of the regular members of a rotating security team that accompanies the bridge crew on away missions because he’s very large and strong and good at subduing threats without causing too much unnecessary harm.  also, as a bonus, he speaks Klingon (a leftover from spending part of his childhood on a colony planet in Klingon space) and can be relied upon to communicate to Klingons without causing major offense which is a rare and valuable trait and in Starfleet in this tentative TOS setting I’m kinda tossing around.
  • Midorima, like I mentioned earlier, is absolutely a medical officer, which means he’s wearing blue.  he did some pretty intense exchange programs to Vulcan when he was finishing his medical degree(s?) (which I imagine is way more hardcore when you’re trying to be a space doctor and you have to be able to treat space disease and aliens with weird biology) so he speaks excellent Vulcan and he has a top-notch poker face (at least, for a human).
  • Kise is a hotshot pilot who gets to wear command gold and he’s shadowing the current (primary) helmsman.  usually he pilots smaller transport shuttles and whatnot, but technically he’s got the training and he’s being mentored to one day be a proper helmsman and be allowed to sit on the bridge all the time.  (look: I really want Kise to be that cocky scifi character who’s like “I can fly anything.”  you know.  that kind of character.  that’s what I want.  except at the same time he’s also Kise.)
  • Aomine is in the same security team as Kagami, but they’re hardly ever assigned to the same shifts bc it is generally considered a bad thing when your security team tries to fight each other.  Aomine is typically sent as a bodyguard in tense situations (smh Starfleet why do you have to defuse intergalactic feuds and shit) and also he’s sent along with the away team in cases when they’re on planets that there is very little or no available data on bc he’s very versatile and preforms really well in challenging situations (read: doesn’t get anyone killed by accident when things get fucking weird bc they decided to wander around blindly on an unknown planet).  he and Kuroko were actually roommates during their freshman year at Starfleet Academy so they’ve known each other for a while.
  • Momoi wears operations red and she’s one of the yeomen assigned to the bridge crew.  mostly she assists the communications officer, but occasionally she’s worked directly for the captain bc her skill set is incredibly useful.  generally she’s asked to find and analyze data on the different groups that the ship encounters (like in situations where they encounter conflict and are asked to mediate a solution that would be deemed acceptable to the cultures of the affected parties) and help keep track of and coordinate the resources available to the ship.  ((I’m not explaining this well.  trust me, she’s super cool and they rely on her a lot.))  (((she’ll be a good candidate for first officer one day.)))
  • Murasakibara works in engineering (everyone wears red I’m sorry it’s turning out like this) and he is really irritatingly talented at his actual job but he spends like half of his time slacking off and trying to program the replicators to make novelty deserts.  when he can be convinced to do his goddamn job, he’s a warp field engineer, which basically means he has to understand how warp fields work and how the ship’s warp drive works so the ship can get from place to place quickly (which is kind of a necessity in space).
  • Akashi, of course, is an executive officer and he’s wearing command gold.  he’s not a captain right out of the Academy, but you can bet your ass he’s got his eye on that captain’s chair and he’s going to get his own ship eventually.  he’s the chief tactical officer (very young for the job, but as you’d expect he’s doing it well) which means he has a position on the bridge near the helmsman and control over the shields, weapons, and security (and sometimes long-range sensors and communications).  he absolutely plans to take the Starfleet bridge officer examination as soon as he can so he’ll have official authorization to take command of the ship even though he’s not the captain or first/second/third officer.

I have so much to say about this AU but I’d better cut this off bc it’s getting long, so just hmu if you have questions or you want to know more about these guys or specific other characters or w/e and I’d be really excited to share!!

X-Men Apocalypse was entertaining, fun and unlike Civil War, didn’t make me want to burn all my Marvel merch afterwards. 

The timeline still confuses me, and I still don’t know if that’s because it makes no sense or I’m not paying attention properly. I don’t know what’s going on most of the time but that’s ok. The new kids on the block were wonderful to watch, as were the reboot veterans. Apocalypse was a fab villain, and I lowkey rooted for him in the first half of the movie, no shame. Wolverine’s cameo was on point, both in his overall story and in this movie - it was great to see Alkali Lake again, it reminded me of X2 as well as X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which, shut UP I enjoyed despite everything.

There was some good ol’ nostalgia for the First Class mutants, which made me all emotional because we had Xavier’s generation alongside Storm, Jean and Scott’s generation, and it all felt very sweet and moving.

The females owned this movie, you guys. Oh man. OH MAN. I love them all so much. I would have liked to see more of Jubilee though, who’s downright adorable. Basically all the stuff with the new mutants was gold; Jean, Kurt, Scott and Jubilee were so 80s-aesthetic goals it hurt. Slow clap for the costume department as well, particularly the ending shot with all of them suited up. There’s so much to admire about everyone’s individual costumes, they deserve a post of their own.

I wasn’t a huge fan of where they left things with Charles and Erik, simply because again, comparisons with CA: CW were inevitable, and it stings a little that Erik got off scot-free with all those murders when Bucky was put back in the freezer simply for trying to escape people who wanted him dead or worse. They’re not related at all. I just like to get salty about things.

I’m more into the after-credits scene after I researched it a bit, and if that does end up informing the overall plot of the next movie, and even introduce Cable - WHOO BOY I would be all over that. Great way to tie in Deadpool to the main narrative as well. 


  • Jean Grey (fuckin slaying everything. That phoenix scene near the end. Damn.)
  • Quicksilver (how many people would be dead without him? SO MANY)
  • Alex Summers (deserved better)

Best Dressed:

  • My babe Storm, god damn

Best Lines:

  • Apocalypse. He speaks like he’s quoting Old Testament all the time, talk about eerie

Best Power Effect:

  • Cyclops, for sheer old fashioned coolness ((LASER BEAMS BRAH))

Biggest Fuckup:

  • Erik what the fuck put the earth back stop killing everyone I iunderstand your pain but these tantrums aren’t fun

Best Blue Person:

  • Nightcrawler was the perfect mix of cute and hilarious, and I advocate more of him with the team in the future