I'm a lesbian and I don't want a relationship with a man or sex with one, and all my relationships with women are fulfilling and I feel so much real pleasure from them. But I have such a hard time feeling or noticing attraction to women before I've become literally intimate with them like I see a woman I can't automatically register "hot" or attraction or desire or whatever. I didn't know I liked women until I "experimented" physically why do you think this is the case for many women?
oh, this is not uncommon! I used to feel the same to a much stronger degree and still do at times, and have had so many friends come to me with the same worry. most women grow up societally anticipating, and grooming themselves for, desire for men. that is the blueprint/language of love that we learn.
on top of the fact that most of the IRL models of intimacy we see are straight, we are also inundated with thousands of images to our brains (movies, magazines, articles, books, shows, advertisements, educational texts) of heterosexual desire. heterosexual relationships. heterosexual sex. we learn what a “desirable” man looks like. how we are supposed to feel when we interact with a man. when we first learn about sex/arousal it is via a straight lens. we do learn about women being desirable, but not re: how we could see them in this way. instead it’s “how should women work to be desirable to a man” (so it’s unsurprising that a lot of us have a disconnect where we can see and name a woman as beautiful, but don’t tie that automatically to a desire to act on a tangible attraction even tho we know we can/have had feelings for women)
allthe above is the formative input we receive while our brain develops its framework for “what is desire”, so naturally we are experts at identifying heterosexual desire. some of us gay women even create something that looks like it superficially within ourselves without a second thought.
meanwhile, when are we ever given a framework/consistent models of what desire for women could look like? many of us spend years never considering the possibility. it’s a code missing from our processing system. can we experience the attraction? clearly yes, but we aren’t given the social language to parse it, we aren’t taught how to feel and experience it, or that we even can. years of expecting to feel certain physical/emotional responses to men builds up a norm re: how we process interactions with people based on gender. for many women going into interactions with other women, their brain is not preparing to feel attraction, or even think that it could be there.
that’s why that “spark” or lightbulb moment sometimes first happens with gay or bi girls when they are put in a situation especially close with a woman in a new way. e.g crushes on childhood best friends - you’re very close physically and emotionally, and that intimacy produces feelings or desires you weren’t anticipating in the past just looking at women. same with “experimenting” - again re: the way you looked at the world you weren’t necessarily socialized to see a woman and feel certain desires, but suddenly now you are touching a woman and those feelings are there and you’re surprised by them.
long story short, it doesn’t make you a weird lesbian to know from experience that you like sex with women, but also feel an odd disconnect when trying to view images of women or women you don’t know well as “sexy” (to you personally, not just in the “she is pretty” emotionless observation way) or connecting them to physically wanting something.
just like we talk about gay women’s first relationships being a hot mess emotionally because they weren’t shown any models of relationships between women ever and are flying with no instruction manual, the same can happen sexually / when psychologically processing desire for other women. the means of processing, recognizing and experiencing that desire can manifest very differently or even be stunted because you weren’t prepared for it or taught that it could/should exist.
compound this by the demoralizing and objectifying ways w/w sex is viewed and presented, and the disconnect widens even further like. I remember looking at degrading “lesbian porn”, or less degrading but “delicate, pretty, feminine” depictions of lesbian love in movies or books presented by straight directors/writers, and thinking “oh I don’t feel pulled to any of this at all”, but then having amazing lesbian sex IRL once I found a woman I was close with and realizing how much we were drawn to each other - the experiences were polar opposites.
ofc there are probably other pieces to the puzzle especially depending on the individual that I didn’t touch on but I hope that provided some insight anon!
Can I have hc's for the paladins with a s/o who has really really bad anxiety? Where it's like, to the point where they can't be in too much of a crowd or hear too many loud noises, but is ok with pda and stuff bc it helps them feel safe? And what should they do when s/o had a panic attack? Sorry this is really long, you don't have to do all of this if you don't want to 😅. I have really bad anxiety so it would just be nice to be represented somewhere...
Of course you can, representation is key. I mean what’s the point of reading reader inserts if you can’t relate? Feel free to request stuff like this all the time!
the most calm/understanding one about this
he listens to what you have to say
he would like you to explain what is a trigger for your panic attacks
then he will go out of his way to make you avoid them
but while being lowkey like he won’t have you suspect him
because he’s that amazing boyfriend
he himself is not very good at pda because he’s awkward and kind of shy with that sort of stuff
but if it makes you feel safe, he’ll put it aside and always always do something like put his arm around your waist so that you know that he is here
if you had a panic attack he would really try his best to calm you down
the type to focus more on the “it’s all okay” tactic and move you away from the scene
he’s really careful with the whole ordeal
he will stay with you afterwords for sure
he can’t leave you alone, because who knows how you’ll feel later on
so he just stays with you after the attack and hugs you close to him.
panic attacks are (from my experience) extremely tiring, so he stays with you until you fall asleep.
okay so he really tries to help you with this
like really, he will try his best to keep you away from such situations
He would totally hold your hand in crowds and keep you close to him
he just doesn’t want you to feel like you are alone in this relationship
he freaked out a bit the first time that you had a panic attack
probably called for help and caused a slight scene
but even as they calmed you down, he didn’t want to leave you
he just felt that he couldn’t he wanted to know how you experienced it, how to calm you down
afterwords he would be a bit wary about things and would ask you what would make you uncomfortable
you guys normally stay in the corner during the gatherings that Allura holds, or you go to the top and overlook everybody. It’s a lot quieter up there, and it’s good because Keith has to look like he’s in the party too. This way, it’s a win-win
after that day, he learns about how to deal with panic attacks for your sake
will focus on trying to get you to someplace calmer, quieter, and soothing for you.
after panic attacks, he would probably want to stay with you, but he wouldn’t want to force you or anything so you’d have to say whether you wanted to cuddle with him or not
as someone who also has anxiety, he probably relates to you the most
like he doesn’t get anxiety in big crowds, but he gets anxiety in unfamiliar situations
so he would do what no one does for him, as in keep you away from stuff that triggers you or upsets you
like loud crowds and stuff yeah nu-uh you guys go the scenic route, i.e taking the food and getting the hell outta there
or just staying back stage - the kitchen
it’s pretty cute okay he makes it work
he doesn’t want you to go through any discomfort okay
panic attacks, i feel like he might have had one.
he gets very serious during one of them okay
will crouch down by you and talk to you
“do you want to go? let’s go” “i’m here okay,”
he takes you away from the problem right away
if you let him, he’ll hold you close, like with you on his lap and him sitting up
he really only wants you to be happy
he will make sure to keep you away from whatever the problem was
Understanding is the best way to describe him about the situation
he understands it and he is very serious about it, no jokes, no underlying humor, nothing
he doesn’t want you to go through it
he is very much a party guy okay he loves to party as we’ve seen
but he’ll give up the louder ones for you
even if you tell him to just go, he knows how it feels like to feel alone
so he stays with you and is the loving and understanding boyfriend that lance truly is
i know he acts all flirt and no care for most ppl but like he really loves you
and when you have panic attacks, the first time he kinda freaks out and is like what’s wrong?? how do i help??? and he calls his bff hunk for backup
and hunk is all serious and tells lance to stfu and listen and lance gets determined to help you from now on
and so when you have panic attacks he kinda just sits by you and tries to do things that calm you, like talking softly to you, patting your hair, giving you affection
he really cares for you and if it was up to him, he would make it so yu would never have a panic attack again
but he doesn’t think he can do that
so he for now, it’s just soothing voices and soft hugs
okay so she deals with your ansxiety over big crowds and loud noises pretty well
doesn’t think it changes anything abt you at all
it’s just something else to connect when thinking about you
okay okay but picture this
it’s a big party, you don’t wanna be there
so she goes to the ballroom,loiters around, snags the snacks
and then she meets you outside
and you guys get out her lion
and land on the top of th castle
and just watch the stars and eat the food
because you guys only need each other okay 💕💕💕
for your panic attacks, she asked you if you have them when you told her abt your anxiety
so she looked it up and the methods and stuff
really learned her stuff okay
she learned it because if there is one thing that she prides herself in it is her knowledge
so she takes really good care of you when you have panic attacks
like sits with you has everyone leave, tells you it’s all okay
and then later watches cute or fuynny videos with you to calm you
and you fall asleep on her shoulder
and she dies a little inside because wow you were so cute
it makes her heart hurt whenever you have one :((((
Hey! I was wondering how you deal with jealousy towards other writers? Sometimes when I read really popular and extremely well-written fanfics I can't help but compare them to my own. Then I feel inadequate like no matter what I do people will never like my writing as much as theirs. Have you ever felt like that? And if you did how did you overcome that feeling? P.S I love all your stories :)
Overcome it? I haven’t.
I mean, jealousy is a normal, human emotion. If it weren’t utterly common there wouldn’t be so many warnings against it.
So, I let myself feel it, then don’t let that feeling goad me into any kind of unpleasant actions.
I feel inadequate every single day. That isn’t something, at least for me, that goes away. There is no magic number of reviews, no magic number of likes, no magic number of anything that makes that gnawing feeling disappear. One day I realized I could literally win the Nobel Prize for literature AND sell enough copies of something to buy a castle in Scotland and I STILL would feel inadequate and that realization helped somewhat. These inadequacy feelings we, as artists, have are not usually connected to any kind of rational assessment of our work.
My poor, beleaguered friends are probably tired of me going, “Oh, look, it’s another favorite list not a single one of my dramione made.” I mean, the struggle is real.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy?” It’s true. I’m going to BEG you not to read things that make you feel lousy.
Time helps somewhat, and mastering another took in the kit of your craft helps too. There are people who made me just want to curl up into a ball a year or two ago and now I read their things and I enjoy them but don’t see them as some unattainable perfection. (Weirdly, I am not bothered by actual geniuses. I can read, say, Gertrude Stein and not think, “Oh, I am a failure because I cannot do this.” I just enjoy. Brains are weird.)
Another thing to realize is that other people can have terrible taste. Truly. Someday you will write an absolute gem of a story and you will KNOW it’s good and no one will care because it isn’t their thing. And you’ll probably also write something you know is just trash and people will gush over it. That will help because you will realize in your gut, not just your brain, that a lot of the time other people’s opinions on your work are SO subjective it’s not about you or your prose, it’s about their buttons and kinks and preferences.
I think, in the end, that it’s important to not set up any one thing as a defining measurement of your worth as a writer. No one story, no one contest, no one anything is a final grade on you. Is the story you wrote this year better than the one you wrote last year? Then you are doing well. Your own journey is all that matters.
tl;dr: Jealousy is normal. Everyone feels it. It never totally goes away. Slog on and know your work isn’t measured by kudos or comments or anything and every story you write gets better and please only measure yourself against your earlier works and not against other people.
As the occasional fairy scholar, I feel like you're the person to send this to: the one item that is perennially on my Supernatural wishlist is a kelpie MOTW episode. 1- because creepy murder horse, 2- it's an excuse to get the guys on horseback, 3- since kelpies live in the water, it's an excuse to get the guys on horseback while wet, which I'm sure some viewers would enjoy, 4- kelpies are Scottish, so naturally Rowena might know something about them. You can't go wrong.
I agree with this on absolutely every point, and more fairy episodes/a fairy mytharc has been on my wishlist since season 6. :P
It’s one fan fic uses a lot too, probably because we never get many sea monsters or fairies, so there’s a lot of lore and a lot of beach episodes/resorts/cruises to get out of it. I feel like all of us have written a fairy episode one time or another. Maybe I should start a collection for all the amazing fic that uses fairy mythology…
A Fanvid of the Star Wars: The Clone Wars episode The Zillow Beast (S2E18) set to Jimmy Webb & America’s “The Last Unicorn”.
I cried watching this episode for the first time so I figured, why not add a song and make it EVEN MORE UPSETTING.
I made this on a train in iMovie, it’s not fan"art". It’s just fan“feels”. If the song had been longer (like just ONE more verse!) I would have worked in the horrible betrayal from Palpatine in the next episode because that hurt me so bad. But maybe I’ll come back to this and do what I really want to do: recut these episodes of the Zillo Beast with audio from the Last Unicorn movie for a ~10 min length short film about the importance of conservation. hahaha, so y’all have that to look forward to.
Am I a bad person that I'm relieved that there isn't a meet and greet for the tour? I feel really bad, I know so many people would do anything to meet them but I just, I can't. I get really bad anxiety talking to people and I cannot imagine what would happen if I did, like I love them so much and they honestly saved my life so I just feel like I don't deserve to be there and I dunno I just feel like crap right now and I needed to vent, sorry if I'm bothering you.
you’re certainly not a bad person, don’t you worry. i mean, that’s why they go to pax, so they can do those meet and greets and all that stuff. being on tour means that they’re gonna be jammed pack for time trying to get from one place to another, so them having doing meet and greets would take up a lot of time. i think it’s really nice just how it is, them just being silly dorks up on a stage this time instead of on a computer screen.
you absolutely deserve to be there, don’t tell yourself that you don’t. you love these dorks and you want to go out and have a fun time watching people that you really care about, so why not just go for it? it is called the you’re welcome tour for a reason, i like to think it’s them trying to give back to us for being there for them, y’know?
Does Six of crows have anything lgbt in it? Like not in the background? I actually have the books but I need motivation to start them and I think I heard something about this before I got them but nothing after the latest one released?
Yes, for sure!! At least 3 of the 6 main protagonists are explicitly lgbt, and many minor characters are as well. There’s a queer romance that develops definitely not in the background, and the narrative is super chill about lgbt love, so not a lot of queer guilt or homophobia floating around either.
Honestly, I’m rereading the books rn with my friend and they are seriously just so. damn. good. I could not recommend them more. The world-building, the characters, and the plot are all rock solid, and so many of the plot twists caught me genuinely by surprise. The whole thing was fast-paced, clever, and full of super diverse characters. I seriously love Six of Crows, please read it immediately and feel free to hmu if you ever want to gush about it.
Screenshots from episodes 4 and 5. Things that are important here: the use of the words team and family.
Keith doesn’t want Pidge to leave the team, but he doesn’t specifically mention the team. He mentions people’s families, which is what Pidge was worried about. No doubt he was attempting to make her reconsider by using a word she was inherently interested in and was sensitive to. Others have mentioned before how ironic/nice is is of Keith to say that specifically, considering he’s an orphan and how the reason he wants Pidge to stay is because she, along with the others, are his family now.
It’s actually Shiro who uses the word team. He tells Keith that people can’t be forced into the team, they must want to stay. He’s not talking about family (specifically), but about the team of paladins they have formed.
Then cut to episode 5 and after they’ve dealt with Sendak, it’s Shiro who starts saying he can’t help but feel like Pidge was meant to be part of the team, but won’t stop her if she wants to leave. That’s when Pidge recalls her father’s words that his team was like family. Pidge is the first person to associate the two words, and Keith immediately says “welcome back to the team”, a clear call back to Shiro’s words back in episode 4 about how a team/family can’t be forced.
I feel like a lot of blogs are way too cool for me ?? do u feel this way if so any "too cool for you" blogs you follow that u can't believe followed you back (or haven't whatever) ?
do you mean every single one of my mutuals?
no but seriously I feel this way all the time. I cannot believe so many amazing blogs follow me (a lot of which I used to lurk on when I was just starting to like dnp and was low key obsessed but too scared to actually follow people from my main).
I was reading chp 14 of umf&mha, and this line: "'I love him.' Yuuri said because it was all that he could say" really touches me. I just imagine him saying it brokenly, like he couldn't help loving Viktor, despite how much he hurt him. I feel like this reflects the overall mood of this story. Both of them can't help loving the other, despite how much it hurts. Ugghh, so many feels. I've become emotionally attached to both of them, and them hurting so much hurts me too :'(
But they get their happy ending in the end though at least!
I just rerereread your touchstarved!Lucy fic - I headcanon Alex as occasionally needing no physical contact at all because she's spent so many years adapting to Kara's touchiness and gets overwhelmed, and I feel like Maggie has days like that too where she's buzzing with anxiety/anger/exhaustion and can't deal with any contact and then of course Lucy who is still trying to navigate hugging etiquette and feeling safe enough to hug them (not necessarily a prompt, your fics just give me feels)
oh yes yes yes. so, i’m going to run with your hc here for a bit - so in my superpac!au, i write maggie with an abusive father, and let’s transplant some of that into this ‘verse:
we have touchstarved!lucy who is still learning what she wants, what’s okay, and what she can ask for when she doesn’t want to be touched. then there’s alex, who is so used to kara’s touchiness and kara’s need for physical contact that sometimes alex just needs to be close, but not touched. and then there’s maggie,
maggie who’s come so far. maggie who went through hell and escaped it still a kind person, a good person, a loving person. but at the end of the day, maggie still got knocked around as a kid and that leaves scars that run deep. so there are days when maggie deals with something at work that hits a little too close to home, there are days when maggie comes home and she /needs/ to be held, and she needs to be loved. but it all has to be gentle, gentle, gentle.
[and look, i’m exhausted, but i want to get into more of this - if people are interested?]
Since you are spreading khr art positivity I was wondering if you could make a khr art positivity share for every khr fanartist out there!! Because honestly I can't find any khr active fanartist and this is making me feel so sad :(( (obviously only if you want to!)
Oh! This is a great idea anon!!! Unfortunately, I don’t know many other active artists either, but here are a few that I follow! If any of you following are an active khr artist or know of any feel free to send them in and i’ll add them to this list!
I feel so bereft lol. I watch a lot of youtube GoT reviewers (their reaction and opinions) and every single one of them were rejoicing at Dany and Jon and saying how it's the biggest romance of the story and I'm like... what? Am I watching another show here? I wish I shipped them so I could actually enjoy the story but I detest them together. I can't help it.
Tbh Nonny, you are not the minority. I have so many friends that are casual GoT watchers who are so not feeling this “epic romance”. To be fair, they probably aren’t feeling Jonsa either, but I’m not really sure because we don’t talk about it (my shipping preferences). But the ones who aren’t just flat out saying “eww”, are quite disappointed in the underwhelming quality of it all.
If this was to be the epic romance so many “think” it is -like, we couldn’t get a passionate first kiss? Some intense eye-fucking? Maybe some sweet nothings? A cuddle or snuggle? How about them undressing each other? I’m not as hellbent against boatsex as a lot of Jonsa shippers were -truthfully, I was looking forward to seeing Kit all sexy and passionate, and I FEEL ROBBED (and it’s not even my ship!!).
I’m sure the hardcore shippers are just happy “in general” because a lot of J/D shippers have been waiting for this for years -and tbh, it’s going to all blow up in season 8 (probably in the 1st episode), so Jonsa shippers should just sit back, chill out and let them enjoy it (as long as they aren’t being dicks about it). Also, ship and let ship is a good policy (again, as long as they aren’t being dicks about it). 😉
can you tell us how you feel about miranda barlow/hamilton please?
[enthusiastically] I MOST CERTAINLY CAN!!! :’’) I adore miranda barlow with my whole entire heart. (…………alright, okay, I’m aware I’ve probably said that about like five characters by now, which makes that impossible. I know how fractions work >:( kind of.)
*clears throat* I LOVE MIRANDA BARLOW WITH A SIZABLE PORTION OF MY HEART!!! :’’’)
if I let myself speak freely with no structure at all I’m going to go on and on and on forever. (honestly, one could write thousands upon thousands of words just about miranda in the flashbacks.) so I’m going to do what I did for flint and do this in bullet point format, so that there is an ILLUSION OF BREVITY at least >:)
Liz as much as I'm going to miss the boys living in the pub because it has so many amazing Robron memories since 2014 (wow nearly 3 years) we will now have new memories of the boys in their home,with their wedding pictures proudly on display,Robron cooking and being domestic. I feel like we're starting a new era for Robron and I can't bloody wait x
I feel the same, yeah I might miss the pub because it does hold a lot of memories for them but I have waited for so long to see them in their own place and I honestly can’t wait to see them living their and being all domestic. I still can’t believe they have their own set x
Your sexual side has been on a rise lately Aries, this is a good thing! You may not even notice that you've been feeling some type of way, everyone gets this way in some point in their life. This is a excellent month for you to explore your sexual side and build chemistry with a certain someone, if you already have a chemistry with someone then now is the time to have a talk with them about your venereal fantasies and make them come true.
You are so loyal Taurus, even in the most problematic situations with somebody who may have stabbed you in the back. Very soon that is going to happen to you, it may not be tomorrow, next week, or the week after that but it is bound to happen. You are such a strong person, and your ego is huge! Don't let anyone mess with you or they may get the horns.
You're going to feel really content this month Gemini, you feel relaxed and balanced. With Valentines day coming up be sure to be extra romantic and woo your way into their heart because thats what you do best Gemini. You have such a strong communication and thought process that you can easily persuade anyone and woo them with your wise word choice. But be careful, don't abuse this power or else it'll come back to bite you in the long run!
You're going to make so many new connections this month Cancer, even strengthened your current ones. There may be some days where you feel like you can't handle whatever stress that may occur in your personal life but ignore that negativity, if you ever feel negative energy thats overwhelming you I recommend meditating and clearing all of it out. If you're not into that, then take frequent long baths this month and light a candle and clear your mind. If you hadn't notice Cancer, but every time any part of your physical body is touching water your mood stabilizes and your suddenly mellow after a few minutes you may not even realize it.
Your personal love life has been confusing for you Leo, you don't know what you want. This month will focus on your affection for others, at times you can be insensitive and you don't even realize it, if you are in a relationship or talking to anyone be careful what you say to them Leo because the outcome will not be so good. If you have your eyes set on anyone ask them out on a date and see where it leads, this may sound cliché, but love is in the air.
A certain someone has been on your mind a lot Virgo, you don't know why? You're aching for this person, don't be shy to confront them about how you feel Virgo. If you do end up confronting them about your unknown feelings lately and it doesn't turn out the way you hoped it would, don't worry because this world is full of so many possibilities. Each action you make has a consequence wether its for the good or bad, every choice you or any person makes in life has a outcome.
You're going to be such a little sweetheart this month Libra, and your fashion taste is going to sky rocket off the charts to the point where people compliment you on the clothes you are wearing. If you ever feel down this month Libra suck it up because a sweetheart like you shouldn't be down in the dumps over someone/something
You're either Mad/Angry/Sad/ or just Neutral Scorpio. BUT, this month there is no time for anger or neutralness! You're going to feel so giddy for most part every day and you're going to appreciate the little things about each person in your life. If you are in a relationship try not to over compliment your lover or they may feel uncomfortable, if you are single then you should most definitely go out and get to know other people. If you do decide to do this, a potential love interest will soon be coming your way!!!
I know sometimes you say things without thinking but its alright, a lot of us make the same mistake Sagittarius. You should focus on your dreams, you may have been having strange vivid dreams lately. Take this as a sign of some sort Sagittarius, keep a dream journal and try to record every detail in your dreams this month, it may give you a prediction of your future.
Don't take everything so serious Capricorn, loosen up a bit and relax! Your defensive systems have been up but now is the time to take them down just a notch, and just take whatever is coming your way hit you. If you ever feel like its too much you can always put your defensives back up Capricorn. A certain someone may have been aggravating you lately and is ticking off your extreme emotions, if this is ever the case make sure to tell them to stop making you feel this way and you want it to end.
You feel so free Aquarius like a bird soaring its wings through the clear blue sky, you can't explain why you feel this way. Even birds have to come to a stop at some point when it comes to flying right? Why don't you go out more often and appreciate the beautiful things in this world even though us humans are making it a bad place, also you should try having more discussions about certain things Aquarius because I know at some point you don't even know what to say. So don't feel shy, let all your thoughts roam out of your mouth and into the ears of others.
A person from the past has entered your life again Pisces, this person has been on your mind constantly now. Why is that? They have this sexual attraction to them that just calls you closer, but be sure of your feelings Pisces because it might not even be a person thats back in your life but now perhaps a new and fresh face or even a close friend. If you are in a relationship at the moment your sexual side is going to be flipped on majority of the time so be prepared if you're ever feeling... Ya know.