so its really bad

Be More Michael!

a/n: At first, I can’t see any situation where Michael takes a squip. But seeing how I put an (with a name and everything) au out there I have it a shot by shimmying around some very circumstantial stuff. 
summary: Michael just wanted a tictac
w/c:1823
warning:
VERY QUESTIONABLE PLOT?? drug mentioned (mainly pot and squip)


“Wait so it’s like drugs?” Michael muttered as they walked side by side down to the Payless. He rummaged through his hoodie’s pockets and began picking at the lint he found in every crevice. “Are you sure you wanna take drugs? You know JUST stopped gagging when you take a drag of the blunt” Michael winked at him, sticking out his tongue adding a bit more insult to his tease.

Jeremy turned up his nose and stiffened his spine trying to make himself look taller. “It’s not drugs…it’s a computer…or whatever, I don’t know how to explain it. Rich had this cool song…” He waved his hands in front of him. “It’s from Japan.” His voice went up a few octaves before cracking, trying to recreate the feel.

Michael nodded a bit, “sounds legit.” The closer they got the more Jeremy began to perspire beside him. “Dude stop walking like someone who’s about to make a drug deal.”

“W-What” Jeremy flinched then looked around nervously. “I-I look like someone who’s going to make a deal!”

“That or you look like someone who’s about to take a major dump in his pants.” Michael clapped his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders and gave him a small squeeze. “Just be chill.”

“That’s MY problem, I don’t know how to be CHILL, Michael.” He hung his head a bit and sighed. “…I wish I can be more like you.” He chuckled a bit. “You’re always pretty chill.”

“Be more like me then, walk in there and trade in hundreds of dollars for a possibility of awesomeness…or a complete and utter waste of time.”

“I don’t think anyone could be more Michael, Michael” Jeremy’s blue eyes disarmed Michael’s heart and he felt all his taunts and best friend banter go out the window and into speeding traffic. “Say…uh…you usually buy your weed…mind…ya know…” He swayed a bit, pulling a very sweet Heere smile.

How could Michael say no? With a few groans and eye rolls, Jeremy slapped the bills into Michael’s hand went to wait for him inside of Spencer’s. Michael walked in with a little more sauve than Jeremy but he couldn’t shake the small voice that reminded him he was packing 600$ of money that didn’t belong to him. The drug deal was suddenly weighing on him a bit harder than his usually dime-bag deal. Still, Jeremy was counting on him and he pushed through the Payless and walked over to an exceptionally greasy looking stock boy behind the counter. “I’m here for the…stuff.” Michael leaned up against the desk, keeping his face turned away from the employee.

“The stuff?” He repeated in a monotone voice.

“Yea-yea man you know the stuff, that stuff, that special stuff.” Michael waved his hand coolly, he even popped the hood of his hoodie up adding to the effect. He was so suave, Jeremy would cream himself if he saw him. Wait—why did that come to mind. Suddenly Michael felt himself flush and a hand come to his mouth. Suddenly he felt the box nudge his arm and he looked down. So there it was…600 dollars worth of drugs. He opened it up to check and his face fell… “My…dude…” he muttered opening the box fully “what the hell is this?”

“Size eight-n-a half red pumps from the back room.” He shrugged, “We ran out a week ago, I’ve been holding onto it for the right price.”

“Do I look like I’m here for a size eight heel?” He pulled up the shoe by the heel and began to wave it around.

The stockman shrugged then waved his hand over his face, “probably and maybe a tictac.”

Michael groaned and leaned in a bit to the counter against the stockboy’s wishes. “I’m here for…the squip?” He whispered watching the man’s eyes go from dull to very steely and cold. He gave Michael a nod and went to the backroom. After two long minutes of waiting he returned with a regular looking shoe box. Michael opened it up a second time half expecting another pair of shoes when he noticed a baggie with a long, off gray pill inside. “So…this is it?” This tiny thing was worth 600$?

“400.” The guy grunted, Michael blinked.

“Wait w-”
“You heard me, four. Hundred.”

There was no arguing with that, Michael handed over the money saving Jeremy two hundred dollars and getting the drugs for him. He was going to be his hero. “Alright, oh can I have a tictac too?” He breathed into his closed hand and wondered if he had severe sushi breath.

“Here take it with Red Dew, and also, before you go I gotta tell you that–” He handed over the mint then realized Jenna was strolling over. “We’re all out!”

“Of…shoes?” She shook her head a bit then looked at Michael.

“Right.” The stock boy turned his attention to Jenna and left Michael to his devices. Michael didn’t seem to think there was anything else he needed to know. A drug was a drug and from what he knew pills got ingested. A part of him did worry though…his brother and his father were big on the war against drugs. His brother more so he was turning into Michael’s police man when it came to his future. He made his way towards the Spencer’s, thumbing the tictac in his hand while he examined the pill some more.

“Well lil buddy, you’re gonna make my buddy super cool…” He chuckled talking to the small pill. “Which shouldn’t be too hard, Jeremy is already the coolest, but I guess sharing that kind of cool-a-tude with the rest of the world won’t be bad. After all” Michael felt his smile soften a bit. “After, all Christine won’t be able to resist him once she gets to know him.”

For a second Michael thought about…well what if he didn’t give this to Jeremy. Nothing would change, he wouldn’t have to share Jeremy with anyone. No one would have to know how Jeremy was awesome at Mario Kart, or the fact he held the n64 controller WRONG by using that weird middle handle. Or the way he wrinkled his nose right before he laughed like he was trying to fight it back. No one had to know that Jeremy could name the best 80s B-rate horror films in order of blood content. No one had to know that Jeremy had a small mole on his hip that as a kid his father would say was his tickle button. No one had to know the Jeremy Michael knew…He held the pill in his hand feeling like he could crush it in his palm…then sighed, stuffing it in his pocket.

It would crush Jeremy. It would suck if Jeremy was unhappy. He bit his bottom lip and smiled, feeling his muscles relax with defeat. If this made Jeremy happy… well then Michael didn’t need any more reason than that. After all what were bros for? He smirked as he watched Jeremy narrowly avoid half of the anime merch, even with his back to it, Michael knew he was probably eyeing some shirt or poster. “Jeeeer” Michael sang as he walked through the store. “I got your drugs.”

“MICHAEL” Jeremy shrieked cupping both hands at his mouth. “Don’t! SAY!THAT!” He hissed, turning red from the tips of his ears down to his neck.

“Tehe.” Michae chuckled beneath his hands. “Alright, alright, oh and I saved you 200$.”

“Wow, and here was worried I blew ALL of my money.” Jeremy opened the box and blinked. There was no pill, his face went pale for a second when Michael pulled his hand from his pocket and presented him with the small white pill. “Jesus, Michael you scared me!”

“Is it ok for a Jewish kid to swear to Jesus?” Jeremy shrugged a bit and it forced a small laugh out of Michael as his friend looked at the pill. “Well…there it is, cool in a capsule. You ready?”

“You wanna split it?” Jeremy asked his eyes on it, this was going to change his life. He could feel it.

“I don’t think it works like that…plus I like knowing when you’re cool, you’re gonna owe me.” He winked. “You gotta drink that with Mountain Dew, by the way.”

“Why?” Jeremy didn’t mind but it felt like a strange combination.

“No clue, just do it.” Michael was ready to watch Jeremy take his first steps into drug induced popularity when his phone buzzed. He snatched it out of his hoodie pocket and pouted. “I gotta run, brother is coming home tomorrow and I have to help mom clean out his room.”

“I didn’t think Ryan would be back so soon, isn’t he like…in college?”

“Yea he’s only coming for a short while before finals hit him. Then we won’t hear from him for another few weeks.” Michael shrugged, “sooo that means tomorrow night, we’re hanging at your place!”

With a ruffle of Jeremy’s short, tuffed brown hair Michael was off. He didn’t hear much from Jeremy after that, Michael felt like asking how it went and whether he was alright. However he was probably enjoying his new popularity, more importantly his mom had him carry down boxes of junk that had been storing in Ryan’s room to the basement, Aka Michael’s man cave. “Are we done yet, MA?” He called from down stairs feeling grungier than usual.

“Si~” She sang from the kitchen.

Michael slumped into his beanbag and stared at the second one beside him. He wondered if Jeremy would be too cool for video games? No, that was unlikely. Jeremy would be himself, just…maybe less sweaty and better breath. “Ah… right.” He dug his hands into his pocket and found his tictac. He popped it into his mouth and rolled it around in his tongue. It wasn’t right, no mint flavor and it was surprisingly sleeker than he thought.

“Michael, tienes hambre? (Michae are you hungry?)” his mother called from upstairs.

“Nah Ma I’m fine-aH” He spoke while his tongue was still testing the strange pill in his mouth. He felt the tictac roll down his throat and in a moment of pure shock he reached for his soda and chugged it down dislodging the small object from his throat canal.  “Fuck…” He hissed, gulping making sure he was not going to choke on a tictac. What a lame death that would be.

Michael took off his glasses and rubbed his watery eyes. The moment past and he reached for his phone realizing he had a missed call from Jeremy. Probably called while he was helping his mother. His hand paused when he heard, so clearly a voice say.

Calibrating Cerebral functions

“Huh…” Michael looked around and stared at his TV which was very clearly off.

Identifying …Michael Mell…Self confident, glorified…loser.

“Wait woah who said that, I am not a glorified loser! … I’m a regular loser with great qualities.” He spoke back to the disembodied voice.

Well, then regular loser Michael. This…is going to hurt.

And it did.

Ok so I don’t know if this is anything interesting to point out but wELL I DID SOME RANDOM CLICKING AROUND IN EPISODES AGAIN AND FOUND MORE CUTE DETAILS

before Yuuri was hit with the thought to try and remake his Yuri on Ice track it seems like he was planning to skate his FS program to either Mozart or Antonin Dvorak! 

THIS BOY READY TO GO OUT ON THE ICE WITH CLASS I LOVE HIM

At least judging by the fact that our little nugget listens to a large playlist of their tracks as he tries to figure out his program

HOWEVER I ALSO FOUND A SHOT OF TRACKS HE USUALLY ENJOYS LISTENING TO 

IT DOESN’T REALLY SAY MUCH BUT

- Happy song??? How cute is this boy?? this makes me so happy as well??

- HEAVY SONG?? are we talking the emotionally heavy or the heavy metal heavy here….. no one knows

- sO MANY FAVORITE SONGS

- is that……a track list with 90′s songs? I CAN’T READ THE JAPANESE SO I MIGHT BE COMPLETELY WRONG BUT IN ANY CASE JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT IS SO FUNNY

- DJ? Yuuri is ready to fcking party and seduce some skating legends while he’s at it 

I JUST LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH EVERYTHING HE DOES EXCITES ME ??? 

Do NOT spread Brendon’s new address around if you ever come across it. Do NOT go to his house. I don’t care if you’re the biggest fan alive, don’t go to his house unless he invites you. It’s simple. He’s a human being who puts up with enough stuff already, the fact that it’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t feel safe anymore in his OWN HOME and he feels the best decision is to MOVE is completely unfair, and now you need to keep this in your thoughts, tell new fans, people who don’t know. Respect him and his privacy.

so like bartender au again where a very drunk yuuri does a very messy body shot off of victor because twitter and im very tired and i dont know how to anatomy and idk just take this from me just take this and pretend it didnt happen leaf me alone

cause of death: just friends

so here, have a kinda starco-ish amv thing. this song was literally perfect and had to be used. after all, they’re just friends right now *cries*

i tried

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✨❤️️💛💚💙💜✨

okay but how funny would it be if, after all this build up, Sam is the one to use the grenade launcher

anonymous asked:

Okay, so here I am, an innocent lurker, having just found this blog, when I see: "what if the skywalkers were cthulu-type monsters." excuse me??? please elaborate you just wrote that and nothing else im dying ex p la i n y o ur s el f

  • The Force is everything that ever was and ever will be, every storm and every silence, the hunting krayk dragon and cowering bantha calf: it is huge, all-consuming, completely inhuman. How, then, could its children be anything short of monstrous? (Wonders, yes. But monsters all the same.)
  • Anakin Skywalker is boy-shaped, but Obi Wan cannot bear to look at him. 
  • A clarification: he can look at him with his human eyes; but he must clamp down the extra eyes his Force-sensitivity gives him, because when he doesn’t – well. The first time he met the boy he hadn’t closed those eyes; he’d open them, wide and curious and seen –
    • teeth and claws and roiling shadows, a slipslide of features and starfire, the white blur of warpspeed and it hurts –
  • Anakin Skywalker is the son of the Force, half human and half something extraordinary. There’s a reason the Jedi don’t like him, why Yoda mistrusts him; they all have to close their extra eyes around him; and even when they’re white-knuckled with effort, clamping down so the Force can’t so much as whisper to them (and that hurts Jedi, of course it does, it runs counter to all their training about opening up and trusting in the Force) and even then they still feel the velvet quiver of unseen limbs over their skin. 
  • And more. And worse. When he is angry – which is often – his shadow warps into something awful, and even the least Force-sensitive being quails at the profound wrongness of the sight. His features warp and melt, teeth spiralling out from his pupils, his mouth cracks open wide, his tongue growing scales and feathers and catching fire and he smiles, oh how he smiles and –
    • nothing like him should exist and
    • and you blink, lose the moment, he’s just a young man glowering at you, and his shadow is the same, but the memory of that horror is seared into the back of your brain.
  • It is no surprise that Padme dies in childbed. 
  • The first child’s cry makes Obi Wan’s bones rattle. It – you could not call it anything but an it – is a twisting, squirming mess of light and dark. There’s a wing, a thorned branch: you cannot focus on it. You cannot pin a shape to it. Obi Wan wants to run away, run and never look back. But the Med Droid is offering it to him; and it is a child, of a sort; and Obi Wan takes it, and it coalesces into a soft pink baby girl. He places it – her – against Padme’s white breast. Padme cradles it. “She’s beautiful.”
  • The second is just the same: pushed out like any human baby, but a roling mess of lightening and thick syrupy cloud, one moment tentacled and the next furred, pure power condensed. Obi Wan takes it in his arms and it solidifies into another fat baby, small and squalling. 
  • He’s not like the other babies, Luke Skywalker. He’s a funny one. When he smiles, you have the sudden absurd impulse that he’s got too many teeth for his face. His hair is corn-gold, but when you see it out of the corner of your eye you swear that it isn’t hair at all, but fire and teeth. Looking at him too long is like staring into the sun. 
  • The other children are scared of him, Behu says to Owen, once. And Owen says: children always know. And Behu says: he isn’t a bad kid. Owen says: he’s a wonder. And that’s the problem. 
  • Jabba’s goons go to the Lars farm to collect water once. Only once. They return to Jabba’s palace gibbering nonsense, with their eyes burned out. Both mumble something about there’s something wrong with the boy and then jump into the ragnar pit. 
  • Don’t do that again, says Owen, but he hugs his nephew all the same, pulls him close, kisses his temple. He feels something hot-cold run over his spine, like something far larger than the child is trying to embrace him back. That night, Behu runs her fingers over the new white scartissue on her husband’s back, and says, he’s a good kid. Owen says, I know.
  • If I was there I could have saved them, Luke says to Ben Kenobi, years later, and in that moment he has a thousand thousand eyes and all of them are burning, and he has no limbs but a dozen wings bearing him aloft, and each feather is molten gold and each feather drips blood. Ben thinks of Anakin, screws his Force-sensitivity closed. Luke is a monster. A wonder. But first and foremost he is a boy, and he is grieving. 
    • Ben Kenobi holds him while he weeps. 
  • When Leia comes, she turns into a celestial horror with more teeth than Han cares to count. “Huh,” he says, after their first time. She’s so little in his arms, but so vast. He feels something gentle his back. He says, “Next time, I’ll wear a blindfold, princess. Don’t want to blind me, do you? Then I won’t be able to see when you’re doing stupid shit.” She titters, presses her face into the curve of his neck. 
    • Love comes to everyone, including monsters. 
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The Baudelaire’s refusal to be grateful for their unfortunate events seemed like such a good message for kids - so I made a thing.