so i tried today

I received this as a present almost two years ago, but never tried it out. So I’m doing that today. 😊 Can you guess what it is?
A) crop circle making device
B) copper energy circuit neutralizer power tool
C) space ship remote control
D) a dual frequency ultrasonic microengineered particle manipulator
E) space-time continuum distorter
F) gravitational singularity generator
G) all of the above

2

happy birthday, Harry

“I was raised in a very strict family. My mom was like a sergeant. I married way too young. I had no life experience. I was married for twenty-five years and my late husband never let me go anywhere by myself. When he died, I had no idea how to live on my own. For fourteen years I’ve been a widow. And I’ve barely left the house. Recently I met this man on the Internet. We kept exchanging pictures. We kept talking on the phone. But I was too scared to meet. He told me: ‘Put your head up high! You are the boss of your life!’ So today I finally agreed to meet. I tried on five different outfits this morning. After I left the house, I went back once more to change my shoes. I was trembling the whole way on the bus. My stomach felt sick. When I finally saw him, it felt like there was a samba school in my heart. I was sweating. The first thing he did was get me some water. Now we’ve spent the whole day together. I feel so relaxed. I feel free. I feel like we’ve known each other for our entire lives.”

(Salvador, Brazil)

A man enters an office supply store. He was a mere mortal seconds before, but as he passes through the door he becomes a customer. His superior gaze drifts across his domain and settles on the cashier. 

“Do you sell stamps?” he asks.

“Yes,” I say,” However-”

“I want one.”

However, we sell them only in sets of ten.”

“But I want one.”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but I can’t sell you a single stamp.”

“Can’t you just…” He (skillfully) mimicks the act of ripping apart paper. 

Clearly, I have never thought of this. My simple mind grapples with the idea. I realize I am dealing with a genius, and yet, I regretfully inform him, “Sorry. They come on stickersheets, and anyways, the barcode–”

“Well that’s just rubbish,” he informs me. He is right. I realize this now. His genius ignites a spark within me. 

“You are right,” I tell him as I take fifteen sheets of stamps into my hands and begin to tear them apart. I type 0,019 stamps and press a non-existent key on the register. I hold out a quarter of a stamp to the customer (with a smile), but he shakes his head (without a smile). I rip apart all the stamps I can find, desperate to please him, for he has gifted this humble store with his presence. From the pieces, I begin to assemble a perfect, custom-made stamp. It is worth exactly 66,66€. I single-handedly reprogramme not only my cash desk, but the entire system. It can now scan any stamp in (or out of) existence. It is raining stamps. I am smiling.

Two hours later, it is done. Beaming, and covered in the torn remains of hundreds of unfortunate stamps, I hold the perfect stamp out to The Customer. He accepts it. I rejoice. It might just be my high fever and blurry gaze, but I think the right corner of his mouth moved upwards for exactly half a second. I am blessed. 

He licks the stamp and slaps it onto a letter. He wants to lend a pen. I lend him a pen. When he is done, he holds the letter out to me expectantly. He does not say a word, my silent angel, but I can tell what he wants. Thus is our connection. There is nothing, I assure you, nothing I would have rather done than to accept his letter, on my knees, with tears of gratitude streaming down my cheeks… But alas: 

“I want to send the letter,” my dear customer finally says, after the silence has stretched into infinity and back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sir,” I say with a polite smile, brushing stamps off my shoulders, “We don’t accept mail. We only sell stamps.” 

After all, you can’t make exceptions to a well-established rule in the workplace. 

The customer doesn’t bat an eyelash. “That’s okay,” he says with a disarming smile. “I wouldn’t ask the impossible of you.” 

As he turns to walk away, a single tear rolls down my cheek. I wipe it off with a stamp that wears his majestic face, hand-stitched by me. 

I don’t tell him there’s a mailbox around the corner.

(That’s not my job.) 

goodnight

6

Headcanon that Holtzmann have a lot of fun toying with dress codes to mess with snobbish people at formal events. 

Bonus:

Royalty AU - Princess Alya of the Césaire Kingdom

Read the fic here

(Marinette, Adrien, Nino, Chloé, Sabrina, Juleka, Rose, Nathaniel, Alix, Kim) (other classmates coming soon)

~ A little poster for the orbiting human circus (of the air) ~

Julian is honestly …. the sweetest boy, and he deserves the world <3