so i tried to poem

IMMOVABLE OBJECTS

I love you. 

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you–
I love you harder than this heart of mine can beat.
I love you farther than these hands of mine can reach.
I love you longer than these bones of mine will last.

Perhaps, in some other world,
     where the horizons are wider than ours,
     where the oceans are deeper and the stars are brighter,
Perhaps this other world can encompass this love of mine, 
but dear heart, all I have here are 
     five inadequate fingers to caress you with and
     four inadequate limbs to hold you with and
     three inadequate words to comfort you with and
     two inadequate lips to kiss you with and
     one inadequate life to love you with.

They say, dear heart, that Love in an unstoppable force,
     and I believe them.
          I do.
It’s just that I’m also learning, day by slow day,
that there are more immovable objects than I ever thought existed. 

I cannot love you into safety. 
I cannot love away the nightmares that haunt your midnight sleep.
I cannot love together the pieces of you that they broke apart.
I cannot love us back to the past where the skies were rosier and your smiles were brighter.
I cannot love us into a future where I can promise you you will never be hurt again. 
I cannot love you back from Misery’s grasping fingers and Death’s cold hands.

I cannot even, dear heart,
     no matter how hard my heart longs and my breath shudders, 
I cannot love us into a quiet grave where we can rest, 
     side by side
     at last at peace
     together

But dear heart, I promise you this:
I will try.
I will try until my last gasping breath
     and my last pounding heartbeat
     and my last trembling step
     and my last whimpering prayer.

I will try, dear heart,
     until we reach a quiet grave where we can rest, 
          side by side
          at last at peace
          together.

If I cannot win against the world, dear heart,
     then by God,
I will not let them win against me, either. 

6

SHADOWS FAILING TO KILL THE LIGHT (insp.)

For a while, you were my every poem. I knew I couldn’t draw,  so I tried to write you down instead. I don’t think any of those pieces did you justice. No metaphors or similes I could pen could actually encompass what it was like to experience you. I wonder if you ever came across any of them, if you smiled or laughed or maybe even cried, depending on the content. They weren’t always happy pieces. I never did feel right seeing a sunset without you. Your voice was the only song I would never think of skipping if given the option, so when I was no longer allowed to hear it, I longed for it. I guess that’s how it goes when someone you love leaves. You wish you loved them harder and held onto them tighter when you had the chance, as if somehow the fault is in the strength of your muscles. Some would say that Shakespeare got it wrong, that the fault really is in our stars, that they just weren’t meant to be. I don’t know what to say about us. Maybe fate had something to do with it, but what about free will? You didn’t have to go. You could’ve stayed, we could’ve tried to make things work, but you decided to walk away anyway. How could I blame the stars for that?
—  The fault in ourselves. // Maxwell Diawuoh
As she watches the sun set,
Studying the sky as it fades from orange to coral,
From pink to lavender,
I’m studying her.
Her big brown eyes,
Her soft pink lips,
Her perfect porcelain skin.
I watch her fervently,
Astonished to have found something-
Someone,
More beautiful than the sky
—  she’s my everything
Praises to Manannan mac Lir

Dearest Manannan,
While my words are not shore,
I praise you this day oar night.
Somefin is amiss
when I do not sing to your diveine,
and I am gillty of this,
but today I am pier for you
and all your shimmering forms.
I raise a sea-glass to you,
and seal this prayer by saying:
Blessings upon blessings to you,
And puns are a beach.

When It’s Your Turn with the Sharing Stick, Just Throw it in the Fire

I tried to write you a poem
I tried so very hard to write you a poem
But you hate words
And there aren’t enough of them anyway
Maybe there is a language somewhere that has the right words
But it is not English
Or at least, I cannot wield English well enough to piece together some
Half-molded tribute to someone that is so much more
And so I’ll write you a disjointed list of memories

Memories of you taking me to the gyms late at night
Teaching me to jump higher than the boys
Never once telling me I couldn’t fly

The karate katas we’d perform
At the end of action movies
When the music would play
And the credits would roll
It was our time to be the heroes then

Your smile through the window of the car
When I’d come home
The smile meant for me
The smile because of me
The smile because I was home

Now, you still want me to be happy
And I still want you to be proud of me
You’ve always said
You’ve always shown
That family
Family is the most important
And I tried to write you a poem
But words just don’t feel like enough

Dedicated to my father @great-delight

His movements are lyrical, a song you want to learn;
Crescendos in flourishes, and fermatas where he lingers.
But you know your voice was never made for music.

You want to write him between pages of pressed flowers;
But you don’t have a poet’s hands, or tongue, or words,
And the only flowers you have are the ones growing in your throat.

(You can’t breathe.)

—  you’ve never been good at love, but he makes you want to learn // p.s.

I don’t really know
What I should think-
Having all these doubts,
It makes me want to drink

And I just keep bottling up
All these feelings inside
Yet I told you I’d tell you-
I guess this means I’ve lied.

I can’t find the courage to
Ask you, to find the truth
I’m always scared what you
Will say- we are still youth

And youth can be quite
Adventurous, I might add-
And the words you say just
Scare me of what you had-

It scares me that I
Might not be your one
Whilst I’m over here
Breaking every
Wall down
That I can.


2:14pm.

I tried so hard
not to love him
but I did it
anyway
indeed
sometimes
loving is good
even when it hurts
but it seems as if
the people I love
only bring me pain
I’m addicted
to fighting for people’s
attention and love
I think
I’m addicted
to the pain of love
the people I love most
are the ones that
will never be able to satisfy me
why does it hurt
so much
I think dying
would be less painful
I’m so tired
I’m tired of
being in love
and being in pain
simultaneously

(T. // the last straw)

dear taurus,
i barely know you, but its already so easy to tuck myself between your masquerade smile and the words you say that always come out wrong. you pretend your hands aren’t sweaty and you fix your hair and you shout a pre-used nickname from your gallery (honey, babe, sugar) instead of my name. you are someone that doesn’t know when to stop and i am someone that doesn’t know where to start but maybe, if you’d let me in, i could teach you caution, i could teach you gentle, teach you love. you could teach me casual, teach me how to know if he’s lying when he says he’ll call, teach me that i can’t always fix the boy if he doesn’t even realise he’s broken.
—  leo

there are five matches
sustaining five flames
that light up the cloak of darkness
that invelops your soul.


the first match,
reminds you of the new-born sparks of utter dread
ignited into your brother’s eyes
as he carried you to safety.


the second match,
reminds you of the flames
surging out of your childhood home
hearing her screeches reverberate past the forest
that deceased with her inside of the fire
as a sign of mother nature’s
condolences and respect.


the third match,
reminds you of the vengeful fires
that captivated your girlfriend as well
and robbed her from your life
so you would be coerced
into letting your biggest nightmares
from the past
to further on haunt you
through these lonely
and sleepless nights.


the fourth match,
reminds you of how
you weren’t able to save
a single soul
you so genuinely cared about
and loved so deeply
from the blaze.


the fifth match,
reminds you of
your deserved punishment
in the lowest depths of hell
in return for attempting
to combat your biggest nightmares
and wishing through the bitter voices
of souls hollering in agony from afar
to be finally normal again.


now,
you’re watching the five flames
of the matches
discreetly sway back and forth at you
as if they authentically fear
that they have no more power
and moves left in store
to take you further down anymore
because not once
have you cried
nor begged to be freed
you just fought it through
and let the pain sink into your skin
thinking that you deserved it.


you cursed but dapper boy,
you have won this battle
and they’d all be so proud of you.

—  the five vengeful flames he’d never fear
it’s been so long since i last saw you
it’s been so long since you’re not here
feeling lonely in my bed
without you near
it’s always raining, always cloudy
even if it’s sunny outside
i still don’t get how i’m in my house
but i don’t feel like home
it feels like something’s missing
and it’s you, i’m missing you
you’re a vital piece in my life
someone i need to function properly
you’re like a missing painting in my wall
you’re like my pillow who comforts me in my sleep
the one who holds me when i’m most weak
i’ve never been good at this, writing my feelings
but with you everything’s easy
that’s why i need you, now
but most of all i miss you
and i adore you
and just the thought of
me without you
drives me crazy, i’d do things i wouldn’t normally do.
—  me (overthinking) at 3AM

a sugakookie poem:


it should have been a clue

when i entered the room

how your cheeks went red

how your smile grew


how at my touch 

you trembled lightly

how at my touch

you held on tightly


shoulders touching 

and fingers brushing

how did i not notice 

your heart was rushing


these signs, these clues

left for all to see

how come i never knew

what you felt for me


it was strange

when you called my name

my heart beat changed

and sparked a flame


i could not comprehend 

this strange new emotion

inside my head

causing a wild commotion 


but damn when i knew

that i had fallen for you

my world fell apart

and started anew


and you waited too long

for my poor self to see

that you had your whole heart

completely open to me


and it broke me inside

the secrets you hide

waiting for me

always by my side


tears that fall 

like gentle rain

caused by realization 

of your silent pain


and it stained my heart

my very soul

i knew at that moment

i was not whole


i needed you

to fill the gaps

and i better start

repaying you back


for all you’ve done

for staying by my side

i swear i won’t run

i swear i won’t hide


i’ll stand before 

your shining eyes

where beyond the veil

your secret lies


i’ll gather the courage

and finally confess

that all this time

i was a mess


and it took me awhile

but here i am

with a smile

a fragile lamb


i know you’ll be kind

i know you’ll understand

i know you’ll be mine

i know you’ll take my hand


i was hopelessly caught

like a fish on a hook

and i owe it to you now

to say that i, yoongi, am in love with you, jungkook


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