I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you– I love you harder than this heart of mine can beat. I love you farther than these hands of mine can reach. I love you longer than these bones of mine will last.
Perhaps, in some other world, where the horizons are wider than ours, where the oceans are deeper and the stars are brighter, Perhaps this other world can encompass this love of mine, but dear heart, all I have here are five inadequate fingers to caress you with and four inadequate limbs to hold you with and three inadequate words to comfort you with and two inadequate lips to kiss you with and one inadequate life to love you with.
They say, dear heart, that Love in an unstoppable force, and I believe them. I do. It’s just that I’m also learning, day by slow day, that there are more immovable objects than I ever thought existed.
I cannot love you into safety. I cannot love away the nightmares that haunt your midnight sleep. I cannot love together the pieces of you that they broke apart. I cannot love us back to the past where the skies were rosier and your smiles were brighter. I cannot love us into a future where I can promise you you will never be hurt again. I cannot love you back from Misery’s grasping fingers and Death’s cold hands.
I cannot even, dear heart, no matter how hard my heart longs and my breath shudders, I cannot love us into a quiet grave where we can rest, side by side at last at peace together
But dear heart, I promise you this: I will try. I will try until my last gasping breath and my last pounding heartbeat and my last trembling step and my last whimpering prayer.
I will try, dear heart, until we reach a quiet grave where we can rest, side by side at last at peace together.
If I cannot win against the world, dear heart, then by God, I will not let them win against me, either.
For a while, you were my every poem. I knew I couldn’t draw, so I tried to write you down instead. I don’t think any of those pieces did you justice. No metaphors or similes I could pen could actually encompass what it was like to experience you. I wonder if you ever came across any of them, if you smiled or laughed or maybe even cried, depending on the content. They weren’t always happy pieces. I never did feel right seeing a sunset without you. Your voice was the only song I would never think of skipping if given the option, so when I was no longer allowed to hear it, I longed for it. I guess that’s how it goes when someone you love leaves. You wish you loved them harder and held onto them tighter when you had the chance, as if somehow the fault is in the strength of your muscles. Some would say that Shakespeare got it wrong, that the fault really is in our stars, that they just weren’t meant to be. I don’t know what to say about us. Maybe fate had something to do with it, but what about free will? You didn’t have to go. You could’ve stayed, we could’ve tried to make things work, but you decided to walk away anyway. How could I blame the stars for that?
As she watches the sun set,
Studying the sky as it fades from orange to coral,
From pink to lavender,
I’m studying her.
Her big brown eyes,
Her soft pink lips,
Her perfect porcelain skin.
I watch her fervently,
Astonished to have found something-
More beautiful than the sky
Dearest Manannan, While my words are not shore, I praise you this day oar night.
Somefin is amiss when I do not sing to your diveine, and I am gillty of this, but today I am pier for you and all your shimmering forms. I raise a sea-glass to you, and seal this prayer by saying: Blessings upon blessings to you, And puns are a beach.
When It’s Your Turn with the Sharing Stick, Just Throw it in the Fire
I tried to
write you a poem I tried so
very hard to write you a poem But you hate
words And there
aren’t enough of them anyway Maybe there
is a language somewhere that has the right words But it is
not English Or at least,
I cannot wield English well enough to piece together some Half-molded
tribute to someone that is so much more And so I’ll
write you a disjointed list of memories
you taking me to the gyms late at night Teaching me
to jump higher than the boys Never once
telling me I couldn’t fly
katas we’d perform At the end
of action movies When the music
would play And the
credits would roll It was our
time to be the heroes then
Your smile through
the window of the car When I’d
come home The smile
meant for me The smile
because of me The smile
because I was home
Now, you still
want me to be happy And I still
want you to be proud of me You’ve
always said You’ve
always shown That family Family is
the most important And I tried
to write you a poem But words
just don’t feel like enough
I tried so hard
not to love him
but I did it
loving is good
even when it hurts
but it seems as if
the people I love
only bring me pain
to fighting for people’s
attention and love
to the pain of love
the people I love most
are the ones that
will never be able to satisfy me
why does it hurt
I think dying
would be less painful
I’m so tired
I’m tired of
being in love
and being in pain
i barely know you, but its already so easy to tuck myself between your masquerade smile and the words you say that always come out wrong. you pretend your hands aren’t sweaty and you fix your hair and you shout a pre-used nickname from your gallery (honey, babe, sugar) instead of my name. you are someone that doesn’t know when to stop and i am someone that doesn’t know where to start but maybe, if you’d let me in, i could teach you caution, i could teach you gentle, teach you love. you could teach me casual, teach me how to know if he’s lying when he says he’ll call, teach me that i can’t always fix the boy if he doesn’t even realise he’s broken.
there are five matches
sustaining five flames
that light up the cloak of darkness
that invelops your soul.
the first match,
reminds you of the new-born sparks of utter dread
ignited into your brother’s eyes
as he carried you to safety.
the second match,
reminds you of the flames
surging out of your childhood home
hearing her screeches reverberate past the forest
that deceased with her inside of the fire
as a sign of mother nature’s
condolences and respect.
the third match,
reminds you of the vengeful fires
that captivated your girlfriend as well
and robbed her from your life
so you would be coerced
into letting your biggest nightmares
from the past
to further on haunt you
through these lonely
and sleepless nights.
the fourth match,
reminds you of how
you weren’t able to save
a single soul
you so genuinely cared about
and loved so deeply
from the blaze.
the fifth match,
reminds you of
your deserved punishment
in the lowest depths of hell
in return for attempting
to combat your biggest nightmares
and wishing through the bitter voices
of souls hollering in agony from afar
to be finally normal again.
you’re watching the five flames
of the matches
discreetly sway back and forth at you
as if they authentically fear
that they have no more power
and moves left in store
to take you further down anymore
because not once
have you cried
nor begged to be freed
you just fought it through
and let the pain sink into your skin
thinking that you deserved it.
you cursed but dapper boy,
you have won this battle
and they’d all be so proud of you.
it’s been so long since i last saw you
it’s been so long since you’re not here
feeling lonely in my bed
without you near
it’s always raining, always cloudy
even if it’s sunny outside
i still don’t get how i’m in my house
but i don’t feel like home
it feels like something’s missing
and it’s you, i’m missing you
you’re a vital piece in my life
someone i need to function properly
you’re like a missing painting in my wall
you’re like my pillow who comforts me in my sleep
the one who holds me when i’m most weak
i’ve never been good at this, writing my feelings
but with you everything’s easy
that’s why i need you, now
but most of all i miss you
and i adore you
and just the thought of
me without you
drives me crazy, i’d do things i wouldn’t normally do.