Characters: Park Jihoon x Reader (Y/N = Your Name)
Plot: This might sound like your typical Korean drama scenario (cue coffee prince) where a barista finds himself falling heads over heels for a customer and vice versa, or at least that is what Y/N thought. Who knew that she might actually have met her first love in a place as simple as a quiet coffee shop off the streets of Hongdae?
A/N: Yup, I am back with another fully written one shot this time around! At first, it all started with the picture above that I had found on Instagram and a scenario just formed in my head right then and there. This took me about 3 days to write and proof read and I decided to gift this to all who have followed me despite my lack of activity or have liked and reblogged my content, despite the many other great scenario writers out there for Wanna One. :’) I shall not hold you back any further and happy reading! ^^
Warning: Side character death, Lost of a “loved” one
“Good afternoon! Welcome to Angelinus Coffee House! What would you like to have today?” The cheerful looking teenager asked with a huge smile on his face.
Despite the cute greeting, it seemed to me that it was just not in his character to be so enthusiastic. However, I would not have asked it any other way. In fact, it was clear that he was one of the factors as to why this cafe was so popular in the area. Apart from the fact that they did have genuine coffee (as what my best friend claimed), but knowing her, there was definitely another side to the story and as far as I knew, it simply meant baristas who were, by her standards, “drop dead gorgeous”.
I did admire him for a bit, but snapped out of my reverie quick enough to focus on the menu instead and throw off some suspicion that I had been probably stared endearingly. Unfortunately, the menu encompassed a total of 5 boards, ranging from the usual coffees to teas to frappes and to smoothies. It was confusing to say the least and it did not help that there were at least 5 different types of coffees such as a Brazilian coffee, African coffee and many many more.
In fact, if one thought the variety was confusing enough, the teas were even worse. It probably had 10 times more items than the coffee menu, ranging from the traditional English Breakfast to exotics like a certain Earl Grey Lavender tea, ingredients imported from France and England.
“You seem a little confused,” the barista spoke again and I felt my cheeks getting a little warm the moment he pointed out my obvious confusion, “I’ll help you then!”
“First thing’s first, coffee or tea, or even something more on the frappes and smoothies?”
“Uh… I-I like sweet stuff so perhaps a f-frappe?”
Oh no Y/N, why the hell did you just stutter?
“Oh, that’s nice! I love frappes too! So would you prefer caffeine based ones or would you like some fruits to freshen up and spruce up the up and coming summer season?”
“Caffeine based would be good. I’m here to meet a friend to study actually and I hope that’s okay. My friend’s a regular, but she’s not here yet, so I figured that I would come in and order a drink first. For her, she would like the Vanilla Latte!”
The barista nodded his head with a smile and tapped in the order immediately with his fast and adept fingers into the cash register. I was not sure whether it was the exhausted me talking but he actually did look good when he was focused on his job.
“And for you, I have one last question for you,” He continued, making eye contact again, “Would you like something that tickles your taste buds or would you like a safe bet instead and see how the cafe fairs? You have not been here before so it’s only right if you try something that you are familiar with. We champion for comfort and satisfaction!”
I laughed at the last sentence, probably a bit too loudly, and he chuckled too with a cute smile and he looked as if he was grinning from ear to ear while his ears got redder and redder.
“Now that you mention it… Perhaps I will try the Vanilla Mocha Frappe! I just realised how much I drink those at the usual cafes so I shall have that!”
“No problem! You made an excellent choice and it’s usually the one which coffee critics come back for and oh, would you like a cake to complement your orders? Simply top up 4000 won each and you can earn yourself a cake, cupcake or even a brownie topped with some homemade artisan ice cream!”
“Thank you very much, but I think we would put that on hold first. Personally, I’m still a little stuffed from lunch…” And after I said that, I felt myself blushing once again and cringing at how much information I had spilled to this stranger of a barista. Yes, I was known to babble a whole lot but not this much to a stranger! Any more information and he would probably have known where I came from, which school I attend and probably what I wanted to be when I grow up.
“No problem! That will be 12,100won and please take a seat! I will attend to your order right away!”
And that was what I did, I paid him the exact amount and took my place at a booth seat in the corner of the cafe. I would not call it a quiet corner, considering that it was right next to a floor-to-ceiling window panel facing the street, but it was surely conducive for learning.
The sunlight was about right and perfect for Instagram pictures of food, treats and drinks. Furthermore, it had just the right music; chill with a little summer vibe to it, and it had just the right level of noise. It was not filled with endless chatter like the chains of Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts, combined with the endless whirring of the coffee machines and loud discussions of projects by both college students and businessmen. Here, they only had the latter, coupled with a few students who were either going to study or catch up with friends and should I say a visually attractive barista too?
I proceeded to take out the work that I had brought from my bag, laying it out on the table neatly, but I took notice of the barista again and this time, he was preparing my a Vanilla Latte for my friend who would be coming in later. He was already finished with my drink, to my surprise, and all that was left was the whipped cream that was said to be imported from Japan.
It was obvious that he knew what he was doing and handled the complicated machine skillfully. Based on what I had known from the Angelinus branch here in Apgujeong, they had invested in a handmade coffee machine. It had a chic and simple design with lots of different buttons and mechanisms (that I was probably bound to destroy if I was the one making them). In fact, he made the job of being a barista seem like he was also an artist, and that was also shown when he put his skills into making the perfect coffee art for my friend. To me, it was not clear what it was and all I saw was his hand moving in a smooth zig-zag motion at first, before ending off the entire demonstration with a straight line down.
Once finished with the finishing touches and the whipped cream, he placed the drinks on a tray and was ready to bring them to me before I heard an extremely loud and boisterous call, “Y/N-ah!! Wow, you sure are early. Sorry for the wait and hi Jihoon-sshi!!”
I buried my face in my hands laughing, as all the other patrons shot her looks of surprise, with some snickering, but she did not seem to bother and just walked straight for the booth seat before sliding in and taking out her stuff immediately.
“I’m sorry I took so long. There was a train delay at my place but I’m glad it wasn’t like the major one where lines 1,4 and 6 broke down. Trust me, if I wasn’t wearing these stupid shoes, I would have ran here. Hope we can get some stuff done today and have a productive one ahead. Wow, I’ve missed you and it’s been so long?? I’ve not seen you since… January? Or perhaps even Christmas?”
“Hi Y/F/N! Here are your drinks. One vanilla latte for you and one vanilla mocha frappe for you.”
That was obviously Jihoon, and he laid the drinks neatly towards the edge, so we would not have any chance to hit it away, together with some brown napkins and a straw next to mine. When we glanced at one another, he shot a smile and gave a small bow, saying, “Enjoy!” before heading back to his station and entertaining the rest of the customers with the same enthusiasm that he had greeted me with.
“Dude, could you just stop being so obvious? You’re literally shooting heart eyes at him.”
I blushed immediately at the comment and looked at my friend, only to realise that she had raised an eyebrow while shaking her head. However, her lips only curved up into a mischievous smile and said, “I know he’s adorable and let me just be really honest, he reminds me of you sometimes so hit me up if you want me to be your cupid!”
She gave a wink and I returned a glare, telling her to focus on her work instead as I turned on my laptop while she took her textbook and opened to the right page in order to attempt a History assignment (or at least that what it looked like) that she had been given. According to her, it was going to be graded and it was clearly an assignment that had probably caused her to pull her hair out at times. Then again, despite her playful tendencies, she was hardworking and incredibly intelligent so I believed that she would have no problem, if she stopped worrying.
“Alright, let’s focus, shall we? We’ll do it in blocks of 45 minutes, take a break and who knows, we might be able to purchase some cakes later too!”
After the rather productive study session, I found myself going back almost every single day. Sometimes, I did not come back just to study, but I found comfort in the ambience of the place. Jihoon was still there, skillful and attracting all the teenagers as usual, and I managed to catch some other baristas as well. There were quite a number and it was clear that they were pretty good friends and their names were Hwang Minhyun and Ong Seongwoo especially, who seemed to cater more for the college students and fresh graduates.
Sometimes, there were live music performances by the two baristas, Kim Jaehwan and Ha Sungwoon, who belted out hit after hit and it was not a surprise if all the patrons who sat there questioned why they would become baristas instead of pursuing careers to be a singer or an artiste. Apparently, Jaehwan had a couple of busking gigs in Hongdae, Ewha and Gangnam, and was pretty well known.
Indeed, it was almost like my third home when I just needed some quality me time. When I needed to study for a test the next day, discuss group projects or when I just needed to seek some comfort from all the CSAT stress, it was a perfect place to relax and unwind. Occasionally, I would nod off as I buried my head into my jacket that I had placed comfortably on the counter. Of course, there were times I felt like they were going to chase me out soon (these handsome boys definitely had peak hours) but it never happened.
In fact, when I did wake up, I would be greeted with a drink and a muffin or a cookie, depending on whether my drink was hot or cold. It could range from Americanos (which I did not like very much) to fruity, refreshing smoothies to matcha lattes to frappes or even hot chocolate. However, when it was a cold drink, there was always a note on a receipt which had my supposed order with encouraging messages and notes.
“There is no rainbow until there is a storm so hang in there!”
“I know school’s tough and it might not always go your way but keep pressing on, work hard and let’s walk through the path of flowers together.”
“H.O.P.E = Hold on, pain ends.”
Indeed, it never failed to bring me a smile to my face and sometimes the occasional giggle when the lines looked like it was something off a Tumblr dashboard. However, it baffled me on who could have given me the drink. It was impossible for me to order because I was in my beauty sleep and despite asking the baristas at the cash register, they would just shrug and shake their heads, but I did catch a glimpse of a smile once, but put it off because that would be impossible.
I tried to stay awake once to see whether this Mr Mystery Coffee Buyer would show up again, but it turned out to be different baristas whenever I went. There was no pattern and there were no repeats of the same drinks. Sometimes, it was also considered to be the “Secret Menu of the Day”, which was only meant for members of the branch. My friend had conspired all sorts of theories, including one that it might just be the baristas, but I played it off because to me, that was only a scenario which was too good to be true.
It either happened in romantic comedies, sappy Korean dramas and fanfictions. Sure, it might have been inspired from a real life encounter, especially for the writers, but it was a rare case and I surely did not want to think about any of that right now. Jihoon was only an eye candy, I would tell myself, but perhaps my body was telling me a different thing; my heart flutters when he smiles, together with the formation of butterflies in my stomach and there are times when time does not seem to matter as he puts his artistic talent in gastronomy to good use.
There was a day, however, when I had received a Chemistry test back, only to realise that I had barely passed it. I studied hard, I really did, but the results clearly did not have anything show for it. I did not cry in front of my classmates, but I sure felt like my heart had been smashed into smithereens, impossible to repair. I had wasted sleepless nights, experienced cram school programmes and even night studies, only to get such a score.
And once again, I found myself back at Angelinus Coffee. Jihoon was there, together with Minhyun, Jinyoung and Woojin. When Jihoon did wave though, I did not wave back due to the many thoughts that surrounded me. It was as if a yoke were on my shoulders and it did not help that the CSATs were a mere 3 months away.
It determined our future, our lives and where we would end up in. Friends around me were doing pretty well, scoring As and Bs and here I was, scoring Ds and Es. I did not really know what was in store for me anymore, but what I do know is that I could just use some pretty good me time; all on my own in the quaint little cafe which had grown to be a part of this difficult high school journey and I took my usual seat at the corner of the cafe, not facing the street this time around but the wall and as I placed my head onto my jacket, I could feel the tears threatening to fall and it did. There was no will in me to fight it and perhaps it would be better to let it all go.
Little did I know that I would fall asleep, and I was soon awaken by a soft tap on my shoulder. It was gentle, light and I almost did not feel it, but when the taps continued, I opened my eyes and squinted to get used to the dim light around me but I was greeted with a blanket around my body, a takeaway cup and a barista in front of me with a broom in his hand and face inches away from mine.
Yup, that was Jihoon and why would I be expecting anything different right? I nearly jumped out of my skin and I’m sure he got a shock when I woke up too.
He cleared his throat a little, before stuttering and telling me that the cafe was going to close for the night. I furrowed my brows and took a glance at the clock on the wall, only to realise that I had been sleeping for the past 5 hours, packing my stuff in a hurried manner and was about to leave with my steaming hot drink in hand and my books.
“Wait!!” A shout was heard and I turned around, only to see that Jihoon had changed out of his attire and also looked like he was ready to go home. Now that I looked at it, I could not help but chuckle a little at his quirky fashion out of his usual work attire. It was stylish in terms of the pieces that he had put together, but the colours were pretty striking to say the least. He had a pair of black sneakers with mismatched neon shoelaces, a yellow mustard shirt, black pants (the only normal thing in the outfit) and a red and white plait with some streaks of brown and grey.
“I-it’s late and I’m sorry for not waking you up earlier so that you could go home before the sun set. Don’t worry, I’ll walk you home.”
“I-it’s alright Jihoon-sshi. I’ll be fine!”
“I’m not sure how well you really know this place Y/N but it really isn’t safe. Trust me, there’s a reason why we close at 9.30pm.”
Looking at his expression, it was clear that he was serious and this was unlike the Jihoon that I knew, serving drinks and serving customers with a bright smile on his face. For some reason, I could see the slight sorrow in his eyes as he spoke, but he quickly turned away and told me to wait for him while he went to the back and packed his things.
“Let’s go!” He said in a chirpy tone once again, and he was back to the cheerful Jihoon I knew.
Once the cafe was locked up, we took a relatively quiet walk to the nearest bus station. I was walking on the side of the road initially, but Jihoon told me to switch places, saying that it was truly not a safe place around here in the night. In fact, it was clear to see why; the street lights were quite dimly lit and it was full of dark alleys which seemed to lead into nothingness and mystery. In addition, the only activity around were bars and late night eating places.
Drunken shouts and laughter could be heard in the far distance and Jihoon placed his hand on the small of my back, pushing me forward slightly. As we walked, we started to talk and I found out a little bit more about him, which was surprising to say the least.
He was a 3rd year student in the prestigious Seoul School of Performing Arts and he was apparently taking Chemistry (the same as I did), Math, Geography and Literature, while majoring in modern dance as an art form. I then proceeded to ask him how he was able to balance his work and school life, considering that he was not around only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He further elaborated that he was surprised he could even pass the years and I found out that he was a smart and intelligent boy, only scoring As and Bs for all subjects, including his art form. He said that he liked to listen to music too (which we found out we had similar tastes in) to relieve the stress and visit the arcade occasionally during the holidays with his supposed best friend, Jinyoung.
“Which bus do you take Y/N?”
“8604! My home is about 5-6 stops away from here!” I replied.
“Oh I take the same bus! We can go home together then!”
I smiled and nodded as we continued to sit there in comfortable silence and he continued to scroll through his social media, while I sat there and did the same, responding to the encouraging messages that my friends had sent to me. It was already late, but it still managed to brighten up my day and I was probably smiling subconsciously as I read their messages and jokes that they had sent to me in order to make me laugh.
Unfortunately, there was a question nagging me at the back of my mind. When I looked at Jihoon, he had already put his phone back in his pocket and continued to admire the city lights and the night scene around him, occasionally glancing to the right to look out for the bus. He had an aura of sadness around him, like he was actually carrying an invisible weight on his shoulders.
The once comfortable atmosphere became a little tense and sad. There was no other words to describe it other than tense, awkward, some stress and sorrow.
“Hey.. You alright?” I asked and Jihoon’s shoulders jumped a little.
“Y-yeah.. I’m fine. Just thinking, you know??”
His smile was a sad one, like something that he was trying his best to keep on his face to throw off any form of thinking that he was suffering on his own. I turned away to look for the bus, before glancing worriedly at my watch. The bus was usually fast and frequent but it did not seem to be showing up at all, and it was impossible that we had missed the last bus.
“Do you want to know why I was so worried Y/N? I know you were a little uncomfortable when I had insisted on bringing you home. Trust me, I’m not a stalker.”
“I know. Don’t worry about it! I’ve just never had anyone been so insistent, and don’t worry, with a face like yours, there’s no way that I would have suspected you to be a stalker.”
Wait, why the hell did I say that?
He actually laughed at my statement, before asking in a joking tone, “You know you should never judge a book by its cover right? Now I see why I needed to accompany you home, especially when you seem to be naive and gullible.”
“I-I’m n-not.” I stuttered and I felt my face going red for the nth time that day. I did not know what was it about Jihoon, but he sure had the talent for making a girl’s heart flutter and skip a beat with his gentle and soothing voice.
“I was just kidding,” he laughed before continuing, “Anyway, all jokes aside, I feel like you deserve an explanation as to why I was so… protective back there, especially since we have not known each other very much.”
My eyes turned to face him (after I had got over my embarrassment) and gave a nod, signposting for him to continue his story and whatever he needed to tell me.
“His name was Kwonhyeop and he was my high school senior. Not only did he have a unique name, but he was also unique in terms of his personality too. We came from the same neighbourhood, went to the same school and eventually became pretty good friends. Sometimes, he was not just a close friend, but also an older brother whom I could rely on in times of need. When I needed help in my Math homework, he would help me solve them and when I needed some money for lunch, he would provide it for me, without asking for anything in return.”
“He was a smart boy, and it was pretty clear that all the teachers loved him for just being himself. Girls chased after him occasionally, but he had made it clear that he wanted to focus on his academics first before thinking about the next phase of life and where it would lead him.”
Jihoon took a deep breath, as if he was trying to control his emotions and continued, “We walked here together once, after our interview at Angelinus Coffee, where I work now. Unfortunately, who would have thought his life would have ended so shortly? We were simply walking to the nearest bus stop and we just had to bump into a bunch of drunkards who drank so much they reeked of alcohol and smoke especially.”
“They told us to watch where we were going, but we ignored them and walked faster, but it was to no avail before one of the guys grabbed Kwonhyeop all of a sudden and pulled him into the alleyway. I tried to follow and even fought with the burly men in order to attempt saving my friend. I was not strong enough, and that served as my biggest disadvantage, because the last thing I saw was a wooden plank coming straight for my head.”
And at this point, I could hear the slight sniffle and how his voice has become more airy, showing how much choked up emotions he had stored within him, “And when I woke up, I saw him sitting opposite me, but his head was down and he had obviously been beaten up into a pulp. When I stood up, the world started to spin and I felt a certain warm liquid cascade down my temples but I ignored it, more concerned for my friend who now sat beside me.”
“Indeed, he was barely breathing and had clearly suffered multiple stab wounds in his back and he also had a gaping hole in his stomach. God knows if I let out a strangled scream but someone walking past did hear me and called the relevant authorities, but everything had passed by in a blur as the passer by told me to calm down and that everything would be alright. As the time ticked by, I knew better.”
His sniffles were more obvious now and soon, Jihoon was letting out choked up sobs. He did not need to say any more because it was clear that his friend, Kwonhyeop, did not make it through the ordeal. The latter was clearly someone whom he had depended on and looked up to, but he was taken away from him in the most tragic of ways. Hence, it justified his story pretty well and I could see the fear in his eyes as he relived his memory for the sake of providing closure.
I did not know what to do, so I followed my natural instinct and grabbed his neck, putting his head on my shoulder as the tears continued to roll mercilessly down his cheeks and his breath got more and more shallow. I felt like my blazer was going to be drenched soon with his tears, but it did not matter anymore. Jihoon had protected the naive me from the cruelty of the world out there by protecting me physically, and it was only right if I did the same, except that his was to protect his vulnerability and moments of weakness; more on the emotional side.
Of course, I provided him with tissues and he took it sheepishly before apologising, saying that it must have been awkward for me to hear such a traumatising story, but I shook my head and proceeded to rub small circles into his back as a form of encouragement and comfort. It was clear that he needed someone to be there for him, but apart from his “family” of baristas, I suppose he needed someone different for a change and it was probably too personal to go around sharing with anyone without any solid reasoning.
“Oh, the bus is here.” He said, wiping the remains of his tears and flagged for the bus. I, too, did the same and we boarded the bus together, smiling at the bus driver who greeted us with a bright and cheerful smile.
And we were back again sitting in comfortable silence, but I did not realise that Jihoon had, in fact, fallen asleep; probably exhausted from crying. Suddenly, I felt something hit my shoulder with quite an impact and I turned to look, only to be faced with Jihoon’s auburn brown hair. It was weird definitely, because he was actually taller than I was when we stood up and my shoulder must have been quite a distance from his head if he wanted to sleep just like that. I adjusted my shoulders a little bit and he adjusted his head, finding the most comfortable position and rubbed his head against my shoulder.
Also, it was only then that I had noticed his “god-given” features. He had doe shaped eyes, long eyelashes, a small (and adorable) nose with heart shaped lips that seemed to be tinted with a light peach coloured lip balm. He had good skin too and it was probably as smooth as a baby, to the envy of all girls.
When they said that God was fair, I suppose it did not really apply for Jihoon, apart from his tragic past. It must have been hard for him to go through such emotional stress, but he still put on a smile and seemed like the happy-go-lucky and adorably awkward barista that the town probably knew.
I did wake him up at my stop, and he was surprised to see that he was actually sleeping on my shoulder, blushing slightly and apologising that his head must have been heavy. I shook my head, and subconsciously went to ruffle his hair and he blushed even more with his ears and cheeks becoming the colour of a cooked lobster.
He walked me home anyway and we engaged in small talk with an easy going nature. It was clear that he was finally at peace and I could not have been more thankful that he was back to the Jihoon that I knew. I would not say we were exactly friends, but we knew each other to joke around, laugh and just enjoy each other’s company. Furthermore, I suppose the fact that we were the same age really did help to get to know each other better.
“I’m home,” I said with a smile on my face, “Thank you Jihoon-sshi for bringing me home. It was great getting to know you better and thank you for the hot chocolate too.”
He only nodded and smiled while scratching the back of his neck and walked off, before asking, “Wait!! Can I…. uh… have your number?”
“S-sure,” I replied and God knew why I was still stuttering, “No problem at all!”
“Y/N-ah,” and I hummed while typing my name and my contact into his phone, “Thanks for listening to me. It’s been a long time since I opened up my feelings like that and I really appreciate it. It makes me feel a whole lot better and hopefully, I’ll see you tomorrow?”
@damnspider wondered what it would be like if the team found Keith’s vlog in the events following my fic, We Live As We Dream. And because I have no impulse control…
Hunk sat down in front of the camera and curved screen, his opening few lines already prepared. He ran his hands up and down his thighs nervously, then leaned sideways to make sure the door was properly shut.
‘Hey, so uh…’ He swallowed. ‘We um…’ Another swallow past the stone in his throat. ‘We, um, we lost someone today.’
No. That wasn’t right. They didn’t lose him. That was much too kind. They dropped him. They pushed him. And now he was dead, body frozen in a pod light years from home.
In a quick burst of irritation, Hunk leaned forward and punched the bright red “On” button, eyes closed and head bowed with shame.
‘Hey, we really fucked up. Really. Really bad–’
‘I’m Keith, the pilot of the Black Lion.’
Hunk’s head whipped up. ‘What…?’
‘What should I say?’
‘Guys!’ Hunk tumbled out of the seat, slapping the walls of the booth hard with both hands. He rushed to the door and threw it open. ‘Guys! Guys!’
Face a mask of shock, he turned back towards the screen and Keith’s closed, cautious face there. Was he always so small? So young?
‘See,’ Keith said, face scrunched up and voice tinny through the speakers. ‘That’s why I’m bad at this.’
If you had asked me years ago I would have responded with 100 links but these past few years honestly I choose what I like and work backwards.
After I did the whole Marie Kondo thing it just happened naturally. I didn’t actually consider myself ‘stylish’ at all anymore because I stopped following trends so closely but, not to sound too vain, when I looked back on photos from December in Japan I felt really good about it. I feel like I actually have my own style now and it’s so much less effort than anything I ever did before.
So I kept the things I loved and only buy things that I love. If I try something on and I have to question any part of it I don’t buy it. Yeah it means walking away empty-handed A LOT. But it’s truly worth it and I never feel like I have “nothing to wear.”
So when I look for some inspiration I’m drawn to magazines or sites that contain a lot of items I already have. That’s why I really like Vikka magazine. It matches my wardrobe and lifestyle a lot and if I’m getting a bit bored I’ll see something in it I could easily work into my current stuff and will keep it in mind. Like recently I lost 2 pairs of shoes (sandals and loafers) to wear & tear. So I was in the market for something I could wear in the summer, relaxed. I saw these slide loafers from TopShop and while I acknowledge they might considered ugly (LOL) I love them and bought them for summer.
Mostly I just follow my mood these days and really try to listen to myself when I’m trying things on either out shopping or even in my closet. There’s a difference between “not today” and “I feel lousy whenever I wear this.” I’m someone who will sort of punish myself by wearing my least favorite thing if I’m feeling badly. Whenever everything I own is a fav it’s hard to get trapped in the mindset.
I still make mistakes. Like a pair of sunglasses from Madewell I loved how they looked but the mirrored lenses made me really dizzy when I was in direct sun! I had to return them. Or the men’s Muji shirt I adored but later realized I had to wear it with a certain bra or else the buttons would pull weirdly because I should have sized up. I donated it after a few months of wear because the trouble of matching certain shirts to certain bras is just NOT what my life is about these days.
This might have been way longer than you were looking for but I just felt like talking about this in depth.
I also still look at style-arena.jp sometimes and follow instagram accounts like…
I feel lost when I glance at Tumblr these days. So many people I followed back in the day are gone or have changed their names and I’m not always sure who’s who. And I swear every time there’s been some big, awful thing that’s happened. Someone’s passed away, or someone I thought was okay is tangled up in something scandalous… idk.
I came back today to search the rosacea tag. My skin has been awful for the last 2 years almost. It coincides perfectly with when I started this job that stresses me out and has me out in the sun half the day… maybe coincidence, maybe not? The list of things that cause flare ups are sometimes completely unavoidable. Like stress, showers, sunlight, heat, and cold. Does anyone else have rosacea and have any effective treatments or products that hide it?
I haven’t been bothered so badly by it before, but it’s creeping from my cheeks down to my jawline on the right side of my face and I’m becoming really self conscious. I don’t wear makeup, but I think someone needs to teach me!
After work today around 5pm my ketone levels were 2.8! Never been that high, or at least never measured that high before.
Interestingly I didn’t fast today, well not entirely. I had a salad at around 11am, 6 hours after waking up, so intermittent fast for 6 hours followed by another fast of roughly 6-7 hours before eating.
(I measured BEFORE eating mind you)
Good to know this little trick, considering there was very little fat in the salad I had, I must have been burning body fat.
Also, my little sister acknowledged that I’ve lost weight, she said mostly in my stomach and legs which is awesome! With PCOS I carry a lot of weight in my stomach and last time I lost weight with keto it primarily came off my legs, so maybe now my testosterone is low enough that I can burn that stomach fat off!
Want to note that during the workweek, I’ve found I only manage to drink 2500ml of water, which is not ideal, but not bad either.
I reached 50 followers today and immediately lost one follower, but nevermind that. And I can’t believe it, trust me, it’s not as if I posted interesting content x) Anyway, I wanted to make a little something to thank you all, but the only thing I’m good at (for the moment) is creating Sims, so here you go, 4 Sims for you.
Tag me if you use them, I really want to see what they become in other people’s games.
Except for the skins, they come with default replacements and no other CC. So, they will show up differently in your game. Just in case, use Clean Installer.
Because I reached an important follower mark today, let this be my thank you gift. :D I know you guys have been waiting for the continuation of Lost Stars and as promised, it's on top of my story list now that I have finisihed Crave. <3 I hope you’ll all enjoy this chapter!
You stood there quietly, shocked by the revelation. Jungkook remained still beside you and you sort of wanted him to react so that you didn’t have to answer Taehyung’s question.
You blinked and glanced to your left where Jungkook stood, but to your surprise, he was still and staring at his hyung with a gaze you couldn’t comprehend. That’s when you realized that it was Taehyung who had called you by your real name.
You looked at the blonde boy quite stupidly then blinked, "Sorry, I–”
“Is it okay if I called you Y/N?” He asked, his face looking shy.
“Yeah, of course.” You said as you got over the slight shock. Jungkook clenched his hand into fists, feeling something stirring in his gut. He didn’t want to seem possessive but he didn’t like idea of somebody else calling you by your real name from his group.
“So uh… Did you get it?” Taehyung asked, his eyes bright and hopeful.
Your gaze softened at his shy disposition and you couldn’t help but smile back. “Yes I did. Thank you. They were beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you.” He grinned and you blushed at the compliment. Jungkook rolled his eyes inwardly and he wanted to punch something–or someone. He couldn’t believe that his hyung was flirting with you right in front of him.
Well he doesn’t know anything, he thought.
“So I was wondering,” Taehyung trailed as he rubbed his nape shyly. “I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out?”
The followers can go they're fucking wrong this blog is funny as hell - Roxas
HONESTLY i have fun doing it and i hope someone out theres enjoying it too isc abt the follow count its just. funny weve lost over 50 today THAT many people just want kin ratings and stuff. honestly that gets boring after a while why not change it up. idk tho
I need a ana buddy. im a fat turd right now. I was 121 2 days ago but today im 129. I'm normally 112 and last winter I gained weight and I never lost it. I have been eating probably 2500 calories a day im 5'4 so I look fat right now. do you have any good ana blogs to follow?
Don’t worry about the two day difference, your weight can fluctuate a lot. But if you look at who I reblog things from they’re all really good thinspo blogs! I can’t list all of the ones I enjoy because there’s too many haha. And if you ever want to message me I can try to be your buddy for motivation.
hey! so as you may know, my old blog had a taylor follow but was unfortunately hacked and deleted by my ex best friend. this absolutely devastated me. i lost my account in mid 2016 and taylor hasn’t noticed me once since (she liked a reblog i was in but that’s all). i’m asking this from the bottom of my heart: if you have a taylor follow, please please please give me a shoutout or add me to a follow list. I’ve felt so broken since and it would mean the whole world and more. i’m asking this today because it’s the 2 year anniversary since taylor followed that blog.
it’s so hard to like…not talk about captain america all the time…to not just be like making links to it all the time, like it’s mentally a lot of work to just shut up about captain america for 2 minutes bc honestly it’s all i want to talk about ever
As many of you know, I have never posted how many followers this blog has because I feel tumblr is about much more than followers, and honestly, I hate the word “followers” as it stands because it seems somehow dehumanizing, but today, upon hitting an incredible number of “followers” from counties across globe, I have to just say thank you! There have been so many ups and downs over the last 2 years, you have watched me struggle, many of you have watched as I broke down and lost control, you have seen my dreams crushed, but you guys have stood by me and I can never thank you all enough for the amazing support. Why so many of you find me interesting enough to follow, I haven’t a clue, but again, thank you!
This blog started as a place for me to vent about Ryan’s death, my sexuality, my personal struggles with my health, depression and suicide, my financial trouble and of course, the good things like crushes, memories, work, and so on, but now, it has become a community where people can be themselves and (hopefully) find confidence and acceptance in themselves. This blog is not simply about followers, it is a special community and it is about love! To each and every one of you, thank you and I know sometimes it is hard to believe, but it gets better!
Okay I can finally start posting again. I can’t answer every ask. I have 400+ messages, all love. I can’t even explain how I feel right now. Half of me is freaking out because I am very scared for the people who are in the hospital as we speak. I am very scared for the blogs being hacked and I am very triggered by all of the posts, but. I wanted to thank you all and blog as normal and support posts. Okay so a year ago I had a blog that wasn’t a supernatural blog, it was a depression blog. I got hate regularly made several failed attemped overdoses and it got to the point where my bf had to put my blog on his phone so that he could check my account for hate mail. A year ago, in sept I was rat hacked, he told me I was a fat cunt, to kill myself etc he watched me though my laptop for a month, so, yes, it hurt he knew my insecurities from watching me. I had NO one. I have been struggling with suicide, self harm and depression for coming on 9 years now. I have been to the hospital for attempts, i have gone to therapy but NOTHING helped. I was numb, i wasn’t happy. I was cutting on a regular basis.My school found out and the school therapist told me I was disgusting, i can’t be a cosmetologist and MADE me strip down for the school nurse. I was told by my best friend to kill myself. My mom, my sister, my dad, and anons on tumblr. September 2013 i set the date. I gathered so many pills. i wrote my letters. I was going to end it all, and make sure this time I didn’t fail. Just this month when I was cleaning my room i found them and i threw them away. I didn’t even bother reading. I also did this (X) I threw away my blades. I have been making videos like this (X) to scare people out of self-harm (trigger warning shows healed scars) I have scars like that all over my arms upper, lower, front and back and i would have continued if it wasn’t for you all. A year ago, September 2013 changed my life with one simple question, should I start watching Supernatural? People attacked saying “YES YES YES” So I did, I watched 8 seasons and the first 4 EP of season 9 in two months. That show got me through so much.October was my 1 year anniversary after my miscarriage, it was also the month my bf of 6(now 7) told me he was no longer in love with me because I am suicidal and didn’t know if he could be with me anymore. That was the hardest month of my life. But I pulled through, why? Because of this show. This show became my safehaven. When i felt triggered I would watch the show, cons, fan crack! and Humor! videos I would read fanfics, focus on all of that and I still do. When I am depressed or feel like cutting I pretend to talk to Dean. He saved my life and was my inspiration for this DeanXReader that has helped so many people (X) I think about how I can’t do that because I HAVE to meet Jensen and Misha and thank them for saving my life and hug them. i HAVE to tell them they don’t play heros, they are heros (I do love Jared, and he did help me alot but not like those two have). April 2014 I got over 1,000 followers in one day because of a silly post I made. After that they kept coming, so did horrible anons but I didn’t care. Because I had so many wonderful anons. I lost that blog 2 months ago and after making this one I got my first anon hate, which I framed.
but that wasn’t the last, I only screen shot two because I thought my reply was clever, this was last week, or beginning of this
but I also got love, such as this one, which knowing things like this is a BIG reason why I am still here today (old blog) I try so hard to be here for everyone who needs me. I was a wreck all day and night yesterday I couldnt even have fun with my fam on my bday. I was a wreck today and night also but i continued trying to help people. I don’t care about myself. I could care less what happens to me. But I do care about others and I put their health over mine. I pretend I am okay and to be strong so i don’t trigger or scare anyone. I help people when I am panicking and bawling my eyes out and they have NO idea. I try my best to help people and put them first. I did not deserve all this love but i do appreciate it, you saved me
The good outweighs the bad
Hear I am a year later, I never thought a show, or a fanbase would ever be the reason I am still here today. I made two wonderful friends fictionalanxiety and kinkycas who i love more than anything in this world. They have been here for me though a lot and I want to meet them so freaking badly. I have made many more friends. I knew Supernatural Fandom treated everyone like family, but I never knew how true this was until yesterday. After coming home from being with family on my birthday I saw 205 asks. I had JUST came on for the night and I hit post limit (250) at 2 am. Which shows how many more I was getting as I was trying to reply and how many where already in my inbox that i hadn’t answered. I woke up this morning to this
and they have kept coming through out the day.
If it wasn’t for all of you, and kinkycas I would NOT be here right now. I wouldn’t have thrown away the painkillers, i wouldn’t have made myself throw back up the benadryll I was going to try and OD on and I would have kept cutting. ANd if you read this Riley please don’t be upset, I know you wanted me to come to you if I was going to do anything but I am a stubborn asshole and I can’t ask people for help because of all the times I have and was ignored. Or all the times people got mad at me for it. Please don’t worry about me, even if I am unstable I won’t do anything.
All of you, yes YOU saved my life. and you have been saving my life since october 2013. Thank you. Thank you for everything. Like Sam Winchester said in After School Special to the ghost who commit suicide “You suffer through that, but it gets better i just wish you had the chance to see that.”
And like Dean said to suicidal Bobby, “You don’t stop being a solider cause you got wounded in battle.” We were all wounded in battle yesterday and today and it will probably continue tomorrow but we are soldiers and we will make it.
Each one of our boys have been suicidal before, and they pushed through it. That alone keeps me alive. Jensen, Misha and Jared keep me alive. Jensen and Misha are the reasons I am trying to recover from self harm. You are too! ALl those asks telling me i inspire people to stop is why! YOU, MISHA and JENSEN are the reason I was able to get the self harm ribbon tattoo with my mom in Oct 2014 Although i did relapse because of all of ths but i would have kept going. AND i didn’t for you.
YOU ALL ARE MY BIGGEST SUPPORTERS. YOU ALL ARE THE REASON I AM HERE! FAMILY DON’T END IN BLOOD!! You are strangers to me and you sent me so much love I can’t even wrap my head around it. I am following everyone who did and i have followed everyone back. Thank you for helping me through this. Thank you for being the reason I am still here. I can’t leave you all. I cant. I hope to go to a con soon and I’ll let you know what one and hopefully I can meet a ton of you. I love you, stay strong! PLEASE don’t give in. If I could do it, you can too!
I am not posting images of what I got today but they went as far as attacing my help blog. They are very triggering so I’d rather not.
You nicknamed me that, so thank you! I did see that other anon's response and I believe I answered earlier today? It's probably lost somewhere in your inbox. To me it sounds like that person does indeed have extensive knowledge in law, but I wholeheartedly disagree with her comments regarding the way entertainment PR is handled. Also saw someone comment on the lawyers subject, I'm pretty confident they do indeed have access to entertainment attorneys outside of M!M. What I was trying to say
Psst, fuck yeah anon got a Tumblr. If you want to talk, you can follow and send asks directly.
I want to apologize to the people who started following me between the end of Agent Carter Season 1 and Episode 9 of Season 2. You had no idea how insufferable I am when Angie is on screen. She was just here for 2 minutes. Imagine if she would have been here for the whole season.
Sad sad new, Black (Colin Vearncombe) has died today, he was in a coma following a car crash earlier in the month. He finally lost his 2 week battle with the coma today. He had an album out only last year 2015 called Blind Faith. So have posted wonderful life as a tribute to a great under rated artist R.I.P. Colin. Please go and check out his releases.
Here I go out to see again the sunshine fills my hair and dreams hang in the air Gulls in the sky and in my blue eyes you know it feels unfair there’s magic everywhere
Look at me standing here on my own again up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide it’s a wonderful, wonderful life No need to laugh and cry it’s a wonderful, wonderful life
Sun in your eyes the heat is in your hair they seem to hate you because you’re there and I need a friend Oh, I need a friend to make me happy not stand here on my own
Look at me standing here on my own again up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide it’s a wonderful, wonderful life No need to laugh and cry it’s a wonderful, wonderful life
I need a friend oh, I need friend to make me happy not so alone……. Look at me here here on my own again up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide it’s a wonderful, wonderful life No need to laugh and cry it’s a wonderful, wonderful life
No need to run and hide it’s a wonderful, wonderful life No need to run and hide it’s a wonderful, wonderful life wonderful life, wonderful life