so i just had to stick it at the bottom there

this got sorta long and its ramble-y and i’m sorry there’s probably some unpopular opinion-y stuff but that’s fine. if you read all of this and still love me <33333 also tldr: still ride or die, babes. just frustrated with the writers and i may have also gone on a mini bandaid rampage??? somehow??? i’m so sorry i’m like this..

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but nothing will ever be as bad as the Lodge stuff for me. That was the bottom of my robron barrel, the was a big low for me, that was my ‘can i still do this’ moment. I stuck through it because I couldn’t give them up then and I won’t let shoddy storylining do it to me now. I knew the baby reveal would be huge and dramatic, it had to be after last night’s episode and their conversation about it. But this episode felt so similar to those Lodge scenes for me in some ways, where my heart broke and my chest ached and I wondered briefly how the hell can they do this to them? how can they come back from this? again.

But the thing is, I do think they can come back from it, baby or no baby (as much as I’d like there to be no baby). They’ve come back from worse. And Aaron was right; he is different. He even said it yesterday, that Robert didn’t have to tell him, he didn’t wait until he was caught out like he had the last time. Love is messy and hard, and yeah there are bumps, some larger than others, but when you really, truly love someone you take the mistakes you’ve made and you work through it. You fight for it (not physically, I think Aaron’s already learned that lesson enough times now thanks ED can we try WORDS NOW?). No matter my views on the lack of consent or how I could do without them bringing an innocent child into the mix or how frustrated I am that Marlon seemed more concerned about the situation than Paddy or this whole ridiculous Victoria and Rebecca thing, i was still struck by how well Aaron and Robert communicated yesterday in comparison to how poorly they seemed to communicate tonight. They’re doing the same “well let’s not properly talk about it, side step it, and let it fester until one of us explodes” stuff they’ve always done in the past. They argue, they don’t listen to each other properly, they run away from each other in the heat of the moment, and nothing gets solved. Robert wants to put a non-waterproof bandaid on it, one of those shitty ones that comes off the second you move wrong, and that does feel like a kind of step backwards yeah. But I’ve never ever looked at character development as just an upwards slope where the character grows and gets better and doesn’t stumble a bit, cos holy shit I know these are fictional characters, but no one is like that. That’s just so fucking unrealistic. If there’s no realism at all to fictional characters we’re gonna be fucking bored in a second. Sure we all grow and change for the better over time, but we’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all said shit we shouldn’t have, we’ve all done things we shouldn’t have, but we’ve apologized and learned and done better the next time. And maybe we stumble again and again with the same things, but you keep trying. That’s true character development imho, there’s no ‘going backwards’ in that for me. 

But I also have hope in Aaron to maybe be the one to lead this towards something good, to maybe use what he learns in counseling for positive steps forward? My lil bub who went to an emergency counseling session, realizing that he needed to do so without being shoved into it by anyone else. He made that decision. But you don’t change overnight. Anger issues, self harm, depression, self loathing, whatever issues Robert’s dealing with etc. isn’t going to just disappear after a few therapy sessions. Nothing’s going to change overnight with someone’s love and one ‘magical’ counseling session. Mental health doesn’t work like that. It takes time and open, honest communication. I’m hoping that’s what the writers are trying to show. It doesn’t seem like it’s coming across that way just yet, but I’m hoping beyond hope that the communication we got yesterday was supposed to be a sign of that ‘it’ll take time and we’ll stumble but eventually we’ll get there’ growth. This being Emmerdale though, I’m keeping my bar very low.

I do think this is Robert finally breaking down though, I think this is him losing his cool and his patience. I think it’s finally, and about damn time, for Robert to have that moment (without violence, Robert, for the love of god without violence *swats Robert’s head with a rolled up newspaper*). So in a sense I do get it. I get the putting the decisions about the baby on Aaron (as much as I hate it, that’s just.. fucking writers…), I get his anger and frustration to a point. He’s more terrified of losing Aaron than anything else because Aaron is his world. He’s said it time and time again that the thought of losing Aaron is so unbearable to him. So I have to believe they’re gonna be okay, eventually. It might take some time and we might have to watch some pretty rough moments, but I have to believe that they’re going to fight tooth and nail for each other, for this rollercoaster of a relationship. Because they promised each other messed up forever. 

Barn Mates - One Year On

Barn Mates was first aired exactly a year ago today… and what a monumental episode it was for both Lapis and Peridot!

For those of us who were already shipping Lapidot, it was a dream come true – and for some of those who weren’t, it opened their eyes to a whole new (and now completely canonically viable) ship.

I’ve written about this episode a few times in the past, but it feels fitting to look back on it again today; for day one of Lapidot Anniversary Week!

So, without further ado…

The episode opens with Peridot wistfully speaking into her tape recorder about sharing her new home with Lapis.  Only a couple of episodes prior to this point, Peridot had made the decision to stay at the barn by herself whilst the other Crystal Gems returned to the temple. The fact that she now so enthusiastically wants to share her home with Lapis (as opposed to going back with the other Gems or staying by herself in the barn) just shows that she already has some level of admiration for Lapis.

Peridot says:

“Why don’t we watch the sun come up and figure out what we’re going to do with all this time, eh Lazuli?”

Watching the sun rise with someone is an old romantic tradition/cliché, so the fact that Peridot specifically mentions wanting to do this with Lapis certainly speaks some volumes.   And it also transpires…

…that this line was foreshadowing a scene that came later in the show – in Room For Ruby, not only are they watching the sun rise together (just as Peridot wanted to do), they’ve actually been sat together all night stargazing prior to this point, which is another activity that has obvious romantic connotations.

After Peridot has finished speaking into the tape recorder in Barn Mates, Lapis expresses her desire to live in the barn all on her own. Steven suggests that the barn be split down the middle, with each of the two Gems having their own “side”, which leads to a very interesting shot of the pair of them:

Notice how they’re effectively framing a picture that’s behind them.   This picture is of the barn’s previous owners – Greg’s aunt and uncle, who Greg described back in Space Race as follows:

“My aunt and uncle had a great love for aviation, and each other.  They cherished the years they spent together, and they held on to every belonging they ever owned.”

It’s interesting, then, that a picture of a happy couple has been placed directly in-between Lapis and Peridot in this shot.  This becomes something of a trend as the show progresses, with the picture being placed in-shot with Peridot and Lapis on occasion in a fair few other episodes, such as these:

This could well be foreshadowing a romantic relationship between Lapis and Peridot.  The fact that Greg mentions “aviation” is also something interesting to think about, considering that Lapis can fly and Peridot was the pilot of the Hand Ship back in Jailbreak.

Lapis isn’t keen on the idea of splitting the barn, telling Steven that Peridot is the problem:

“I can’t stand the thought of looking at her everyday!”

This statement is now somewhat ironic because, in the episodes since Barn Mates, Lapis almost always has her eyes on Peridot – and gives her some extremely suggestive looks, too!

Peridot and Steven both try to assure Lapis that Peridot has changed, but she doesn’t want to hear it. Steven thinks it’s “sweet” that Peridot wants Lapis to see how much she’s changed since their last encounter, and he helps her to make an apology card which has a very interesting picture drawn on the front of it:

Steven may well have the intent of getting Peridot and Lapis to be friends, but he’s drawn them looking like an actual couple here; they’re even holding hands.

Eventually, after some persuasion from Steven, Lapis joins them – and a beaming Peridot hands over the card.  This still fails to win-over an unimpressed Lapis, much to Peridot’s disdain.

“It took me over an hour to compose [the message in the card], and I was the most sincere as per Steven’s instructions!”

The fact that Peridot put so much time into her apology message gives us an indication of how highly Peridot thinks of Lapis – and how much she wants to make her feel better. She then spends some time deliberating what she could give to Lapis as a gift (upon Steven’s suggestion), and they come up with an idea…

“H-2-Oh my GOSH!” … “It’s a gift for you!  You know, ‘cause water’s your thing.”

Peridot’s mannerisms and tone of voice here are very flirtatious.  However, given Lapis’ previous traumatic experience of being trapped on the bottom of the ocean, this is another idea that falls completely flat.

And what does Peridot do?

“A pool?!  What a cloddy idea!  Of course she wouldn’t like that!”

She actually blames herself for the mistake.  This is very uncharacteristic of Peridot, who normally has a very lofty opinion of herself and her intellectual capacity – which, again, shows how highly she must think of Lapis.  She even uses the word “cloddy” to describe her own idea; with “clod” being an insult that she usually only ever levels at other people when she’s at her most angry.

She then decides to make a very grand gesture…

…and offers her most prized possession – the tape recorder – to Lapis as a gift.

She’s very flirtatious in doing so here, as well.  With a wink and a smile, she tells Lapis:

“See, the ribbon is even blue.  I got yo’ number!”

Peridot has offended all of the other Gems at some point in the past, but she’s never been seen to perform as grand a gesture as this one in order to win them over. 

Peridot is, in a lot of ways, incredibly materialistic - she has been shown on more than one occasion to hold her very few possessions really closely to her.  By Peridot’s standards, handing the tape recorder over is essentially the biggest thing she could do for someone, which is a very clear indication of her feelings towards Lapis.

This gesture is completely lost on Lapis, however, who proceeds to crush the tape recorder in her hand.

Usually in these situations, Peridot would be distraught that one of her possessions had been destroyed (see, for example, Peridot on her knees begging Amethyst not to throw away her beloved tablet in Too Short To Ride).  However, this time, she actually seems to be upset by the fact that she’s managed to upset Lapis once again, exclaiming:

“What, were you trapped in a tape recorder too?!”

Peridot is exasperated by this point, and gives a very heartfelt speech which, I believe, really gets to the root of one of the key reasons why a relationship between Lapis and Peridot just makes perfect sense:

“Look, I get it, you know?  You’re confused!  You can never go back to Homeworld.  This place doesn’t exactly feel like home yet.  You’re alone, no one could possibly know what that feels like!  Oh wait, I do!  We’re the same, except…  you don’t have to be alone.”

She and Lapis are going through the exact same thing at basically the same time; namely, being stranded on earth with no way of returning to Homeworld.  There’s literally no-one else who they could bond with over this, except for each other – it’s a common ground that they share with each other and only each other.  It’s logical and sensible storytelling, therefore, to have these two characters stick together and share the experience with each other.  It puts them on equal ground, gives them both an acute understanding of each other, and enables them to both support one another as they adjust to life on earth.

At this point in Barn Mates, however, Lapis still isn’t having any of it.  Peridot, clearly at her wits end, asks what Lapis wants from her.  Lapis angrily tells Peridot that she wants her to leave… and that’s exactly what Peridot does.  She wants Lapis to be happy so much that she’s even willing to give up her home so that Lapis can live there instead.

As she walks away, Steven reprimands Lapis for treating Peridot so badly.  As he’s talking, Lapis folds her arms and shifts on the spot, her gaze meeting the crushed tape recorder on the floor.  Everything about her body language in this scene exudes guilt.  

Peridot comes screaming back towards them moments later, however – being pursued by a Roaming Eye that she’s convinced is after her.    

The trio flee from the ship, but eventually come face-to-face with it, which causes Peridot to cower behind Steven in fear.

However…

…Lapis steps forward, and glances back at a wide-eyed Peridot.

This scene is very important because it’s the first time we ever get to see that Lapis does actually care about Peridot, despite the pair of them getting off to a very turbulent start.  She steps up to defend the helpless Peridot from the Roaming Eye, and makes sure to specifically ask Peridot if she’s ok after the threat has been neutralised – proving that she didn’t only have Steven’s interests at heart when she took out the Roaming Eye.

What happens next needs no introduction…

Originally posted by geekylaugifs

Peridot has still, to this day, never looked at anyone else with such love.  The way that her hands are clasped to her chest makes it the typical “cartoon character looking at their love interest” pose.  That smile on her face is literally the biggest one that she’s ever given.  And Lapis’ deep blush, that she actually turns her head away from Peridot in an attempt to hide, is also a reaction from her that’s unique to this scene – and very much implies that the apparent feeling of attraction is mutual.  There appears to be some symbolism behind the sun coming out as Peridot smiles, too.  This could well be an indication that Lapis is warming up to Peridot and seeing her in a new light.  It also has a somewhat poetic quality to it, with the storm clouds (both literal and metaphorical) dissipating at this very moment.  

Originally posted by giffing-amethyst

Steven picks up on what’s going on, giggling to himself as he looks at Lapis.  It’s also very interesting that Peridot’s loving look is still lingering even after the camera angle has changed – this is no fleeting “micro expression”, it’s a very prolonged and deliberate look…

…which was the first of very, very many that the pair of them have since gone on to give each other (the above images being a small handful of examples).

All in all, Barn Mates was the start of a very beautiful relationship between these two Gems, which has well and truly endured throughout the past twelve months – and has gotten ever stronger with each episode that they’ve appeared in together.

a sterek fic inspired by this stupid thing because how could I not

It’s a common saying among Stiles’ friends that he doesn’t have a lot of dignity. To be perfectly honest, Stiles agrees with them (as much as he argues against the point whenever they bring it up).

But this is probably a new low.

Well, not new-new, because this is into the fourth week of the habit and if he was a better person, he’d have stopped by now. He’s not a better person in this instance, but he’s made peace with it.

‘It’ being watching his stubbled neighbour jog past his place every morning in sweatpants and obviously non-supportive underwear. There’s a lot of movement down there. A lot.

“I mean, with that much jiggle, he’s gotta know, right?” Stiles asks his window pane, behind which he’s fake writing on his laptop.

They’re not quite neighbours, there’s about half a block between them for which Stiles’ sanity is thankful. Otherwise who knows what ludicrous amateur spying would have occurred.

As it is, he is very thankful he accidentally set his alarm for five am two (it was four) mornings in a row, because now he knows that this is a morning ritual for his neighbour.

Today hot neighbour is wearing the cut off, grey sweats. They’re a personal favourite of Stiles’ (better than the dark blue ones, which make it harder to see) because it means not only can he get a clear view of his neighbour’s dick as it swings forward against the fabric, but also his sweaty, perfectly muscled calves.

Stiles sighs out and bangs his head once against the window pane, a small punishment that is also part of the routine.

What is not part of the routine, is hot neighbour looking into Stiles’ window, and seeing Stiles’ face smooshed against the glass, after which he trips, possibly in disgust, or just simple distraction.

Stiles’ first reaction is to panic. He pushes his chair back from the desk and slams his laptop closed.

His second reaction is that he should call someone to come help.

His third reaction is to realise that, hold on, he can go and help.

Stiles rushes out his front door and into the chilly morning air.

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Another Man’s Treasure

A/N: This is a completed five-part mini-series because @alrightpetal and I have this thing about making Harry super vulnerable and flawed. So here you go.

// Another Man’s Treasure // Mind on a Mission // Take the Lead // Worth the Pain // Wings of Butterflies


…I’m gonna show you tonight! I’m alright! I’m just fine! And you’re a tool so, so what?

You belted your heart out up on stage, pumping your fist in the air to empower your words even further. It was a good thing you knew all the words, too, because your mates had bought you so many drinks your vision was crossed and blurred you couldn’t have read the lyrics to an unfamiliar song. Then you would have just been a blubbering fool butchering a karaoke performance. And that would have been embarrassing.

Singing yourself blue in the face—and drinking yourself into oblivion—served as the perfect outlet for your aching heart. Hours earlier, you’d been dumped. Or more accurately, replaced.

It’d been a week since you’d heard from your long-term boyfriend, and while you knew he was on holiday with his mates—a holiday you hadn’t been invited on—it was still odd that you hadn’t heard from him at all. Not even a text to let you know that he’d made it to Amsterdam. You didn’t expect too much communication; you trusted him to treat you right, but, silly you, you thought your boyfriend might actually miss you and want to say hi.

Last night after seven and a half days of nothing, you completely lost it and called him forty-seven times in a row. And not a single one was answered. So you rang your closest friends and they came over, laptops and tablets in hand, and intense cyber-stalking commenced.

It only took thirty-four minutes for your good mate Lindsey to unearth a damning post on Insta that your boyfriend was tagged in by a girl you kind of knew. The picture itself wasn’t awful; honestly you couldn’t make out much besides silhouettes and drinks. Even the caption wasn’t much; all it said was, “this guy” with a random slew of emojis. But the funny thing was, when you tried to search for it yourself, nothing came up. Meaning you were blocked. You weren’t meant to see this picture.

Twenty-two minutes of super-sleuthing was enough time for your oldest friend Ashley to find every social media account the girl had, and then eventually uncover her phone number.

In thirteen minutes you had a text drafted to her that was so long it was broken into five different parts when you hit send.

And one minute and fifty-four seconds is all the time your boyfriend—well ex-boyfriend—allowed you to speak to him today before he told you he was coming back tomorrow and there’d be no need for you to come see him. Tomorrow or ever again.

So your mates did what they knew best. They took you out, got you absolutely smashed, and then got you up on stage to pour your heart out. Somewhere in between I Will Survive and Total Eclipse of the Heart, you got a bit weepy and ended up calling your brother from the toilet. It took you awhile to realize you weren’t actually sobbing to him but his voicemail, and as soon as you did you pulled yourself back together and headed out for another drink and a rousing rendition of Since U Been Gone.

The few other patrons in the pub were hardly paying attention to your drunken warbling on stage, only breaking from their conversations when your mates would cheer at the end of each song, some of them even offering half-hearted claps. If they were annoyed, they certainly didn’t let on. Most likely, they pitied you; for Christ sake, you pitied you.

When your song ended, you finished the rest of your drink and began flipping through the songbook. Liberation was surging through you and you wanted a song to match your mood; something to serve as a proper fuck you to the twat you’d wasted the last few years of your young life on.

The book closed on your fingers, and you stumbled back in surprise. Were books automated now too?! You still weren’t over the automated tills at Tesco, would you now have to get used to robotic books closing on you when they’d had enough?!

“[Y/N].”

You looked up, your blurred vision slowly coming into focus as you swayed on the spot. A robotic book didn’t close itself on you, a person had closed it. Which was rather rude of them.

[Y/N],” he repeated. Finally he came into view and you cocked your head in confusion.

“Hazza?” you slurred, taking a step closer to get a better look. You nearly toppled off the stage, but Harry was quick to grab you by the waist and steady you before easing you down.

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history of the entire world, i guess; a transcript

hi. you’re on a rock, floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you. how did this happen? a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why its been everywhere. it’s been so everywhere, you don’t need a “where”. you don’t even need a “when”. that’s how “every” it gets. (pause). forget this. i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start. and that’s exactly where it started. (background noise) woah. i… paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. (about no seconds later). great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a “proton” or a “neutron”. and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still to (HOT). (about ten minutes later). great news! the protons and the neutrons are now happily married to each other (some of them even doubled up). (about 380,000 years later). great news, the electrons have now joined in. congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together. it’s a staaaar. new shit just got made. some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into even crazier space dust. so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kinda made a mess. which is now the moon. weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside them and now there’s Hot Steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. weather update: its raining. severe flooding alert: the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert: that’s land. there’slifeintheocean. what? something’s alive in the ocean. oh cool, like a plant or an animal? no. a microscopic speck! it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. oh yeah, and it can do that. it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight. using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun. side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue. then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while, maybe even a coupla times. it’s a sponge, it’s a plant, it’s a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it’s the Cambrian explosion. “wow, that’s animals and stuff.” but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NoO. why? the sun is a deadly lazer. oh okay. not anymore there’s a blanket. now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet so i don’t care.” (100 million years later) ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here? “maybe,” said some bugs, and fish. “uh. uh. uh.” (five million years later) “ok so i can go on land but i have to go back in the water to have babies.” (idea) learn to use an egg. “i was already doing that.” use a stronger egg, and put water in it, have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg, baby, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean. aaand now everything is huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. ah fuck, now everything’s dead. just kidding here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one because its about to become the dinosaurs. here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. and the dinosaurs are gone. its mammal time! here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they’re gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like ‘that’. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make… pointed rocks. “ouch.” and set things on fire. “yeouch.” and make crazy sounds with their voice (“gneurshk.”) which can mean different things. that’s a human person. and now they’re everywhere, almost. ice age. what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore. i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review. there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food. fuck it, time to plant some grass. look at this, i control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next. more food, and more people who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in, and people to make the houses. and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come. and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people. and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power. sociiiety. coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing bronze, made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land. i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what - egypt. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also, china. and did i mention indusrivervalleycivilization. norte chico. the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east. knock knock- er, clop clop, it’s the people with the horses? and they made an empire! and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks, or a beta version of the greeks. let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization. they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china. new arrivals in india. maybe it’s thosehorsepeopleiwastalkingabout or theircousinsorsomething. and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff. you could make a religion out of this. there’s the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business. also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in god. just one though, he’s got like a ten step program. here’s some huge heads, must be the olmec. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. nevermind it’s the babylonian- median- it’s the persian empire. “wow, that’s big.” ah, the buddha was just enlightened! who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says, “get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye; time to conquer all of india- or most of india”. but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve got spices. who would like to buy the spices? “me,” said the arabians, swiftly buying them and selling them to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy. actually they have three main philosophies. out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload! “bye,” said the parthians, “bye,” said the jews. “hi,” said the parthians, taking over the entire place. “heyyyyyyyy,” said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular, and then gets arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china! they just made a brand new road to the world…or you can get there on water. “sick, new trade routes,” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again. “remember the persian empire? yup,” said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together. china is whole again…then it broke again. still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels. “hell yeah, now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves. “hi i live in the roman empire and i was wondering, is loving jesus legal yet?” “no” “actually ok sure,” said constantine, moving the capitol way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall. it’s the golden age of india. there’s the gupta empire. not chandragupta, just gupta, first name chandra, the first. guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. or actually, just half is just fine. but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the staaars. oh, and here’s a huge city, population everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together. how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this. and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors. here’s all the wisdom, in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom, just in time for the islamic golden age. “let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise, you’re the new roman emperor,” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france. the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have that much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north, and they find some land. two types of land, and they name them accordingly. they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as vikings. there’s the rus, the kievan rus. are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. ok, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire, the holy roman empire. it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms! christianizeallthekingdoms. which brand would you like? “mine’s better,” “mine’s better,” “mine’s better”. “time to conquer england,” said william. it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the seljuk turks. “ahh!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small it almost doesn’t exist anymore, “we need help!” they need help, so they call the pope. “hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you wanna take back the holy land.” “yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.” crusade. they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail, but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs, goodbye toltecs, hello mississippi. look at those mounds. there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who’s here? khmer. where? here, and pagan is there, and vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis. i bet that will last a long time! some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time. i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold. look at this chad (means lake), there’s an empire there, right in the middle of africa. the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said. the christians are doing a great job of conquering iberia which will soon be called spain and not spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you are still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming. china’s back, yay. hey khmer, time to share, new kingdoms here and there. oh look who controls all the islands, its the mahajapit. majahapit, mapajahit, mahapajit, mapajahit, majapahit? oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth. here’s a printer, lets make books. so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? “yep,” said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. whoops, you missed a spot; don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. “what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless. well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india. “wait,” said christopher colombus, probably smoking crack, “if the world is round, lets go this way to india!” “nah, don’t worry we already got this,” said portugal. so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to go find india by going around back of the world?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.” so he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean, and then discovers ‘the indies’ and ‘japan’. let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other. move over lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let’s make it the other kind of islam, the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy. hey christians, do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell. “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church, here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. “you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman, wearing an onion hat, “what if the ottoman empire was really big, which it is now.”  “what if russia was big,” said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade, and then that dream was real. and spain realised that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” question one: can you get to india through north america? no, but at least there’s beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question but the dutch did it anyway. sugar. guess where all the sugar’s made? in brazil. stolen! in the carribean, and it’s so goddamn profitable you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did, it’s britain. guess who’s broke? also britain. so they start taxing the hell out of america.

“fuck you,” says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it. france helps them win, now france is broke. and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a reli- no don’t. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?” wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back. luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin america wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains, and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. “hey china,” said britain, “buy stuff from us.” “nah, dude we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked actually, but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy-fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afganistan. also the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now, that’s just where he lives. india had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before. technology is about to go crazy. the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. “it’s bad,” they decided. and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land, and maybe kick out the mexicans too. “i know, let’s rape africa,” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia.  britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand. the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more. hawaii. cuba. wait spain controls cuba. “well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on them? let’s blame the maine on spain!” so they blame the maine on spain. now we’re in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go. china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns. it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany. russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government. now everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism, in the soviet union. the arabs revolt, and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind. “let’s cut the cake,” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire. except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey. and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. hello? yes, it’s the 1920s calling. let’s get in a car and drive to a party and listen to the jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever. just kidding. germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model. he’s mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all the jews is a bad idea, but he kills himself before they could explain it to him. that’s world war two. bonus round: pacific showdown, united states versus japan. fight! finish him. let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace. seems legit. “hi i’m gandhi and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india i’m going to starve myself in public. wow, that worked?” bonus: now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans. one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me”, they both said at the same time. “let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.” sike! they both get angrier. look out china, there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! “no thanks,” said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china. there’s the korean war, korea versus korea, nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever. let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. fight! wait no that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. “i’ll race you to space. now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.” europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map, with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let’s check the world population. woah. okay. technology’s better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money; except britain because they don’t feel like it. let’s check the mail. surprise! it’s on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america, i bet they’ll remember that. phone call, surprise, it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise, it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket. whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to. surprise, flying robots! with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic. “let’s save the planet,” said everybody, not knowing how. “let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we?

2

Stay  ~Jeff Atkins x Reader~

There’s something beautiful about the summer- they way it creates a new version of reality where music sounds better and happiness feels sweeter. Parties can give the same kind of feeling where nothing feels real, but all of it feels great. Well, until the next morning.

This makes an end of the summer party the pinnacle of a new reality. Inhibitions run low and everything else is on overdrive. In a week they will all be students again, studying to ensure the best future possible. But for tonight they are 60% alcohol and 40% bad decisions.

“Y/N!” Jess squeals with excitement, running towards the girl who just entered the room. She had been away visiting family abroad for the majority of the summer, and while the beaches had given a whole new meaning to the word ‘paradise’, this was where she was truly happiest.

“Jess!” she returns the enthusiasm, hugging her best friend tightly. The warm breezes that blew in through her window every morning this past summer brought her comfort, but this was home.

“I want in,” Justin grins, approaching the two and enveloping them between his arms.

“God I’ve missed you guys,” she sighs contentedly.

“You have so much third wheeling to catch up on,” Jess teases light heartedly.

Her face twists up unpleasantly at the thought. She loves both Jess and Justin dearly, but she does not love the thought of third wheeling. “With all due respect, I think I’ll pass.”

“Is that Y/N Y/L/N?!” a fourth voice enters the picture, causing the trio to part and turn towards the person walking towards them.

Jeff Atkins. Baseball star and literal ray of sunshine with the face of an angel and the body of a Greek God.

“Hey, Jeff,” she laughs, walking away from Jess and Justin to meet him halfway.

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” Jeff grins warmly, brushing her arm with his hand. It’s a sweet gesture. He’s always been so sweet.

“It’s only been like two months,” she mirrors his grin. It’s impossible not to smile back at someone who radiates warmth the way he does.

“Feels like forever though. Especially since I was used to seeing you everyday at school. You look nice by the way,” he bumps her shoulder.

“I missed you, too,” she chuckles, “I look like I always do.”

“Exactly.”

She bites her lips together before looking down shyly and letting them fall apart into a smile. Jeff Atkins was so genuinely good in a way that was uniquely him.

“Jeff!” Troy yells from the outside patio, “Beer pong, now, c’mon man!”

“Coming!” Jeff yells back to Troy, but turns back to her before walking away. “Come watch us play? You can practice cheering me on for baseball season,” his mouth twists into a smirk.

“Who says I’m gonna come to your baseball games?” She challenges playfully, using quick wit to redeem herself from the shy smile.

“Don’t break my heart, Y/N,” he pouts childishly, walking backward to join the boys for a game of beer pong but not breaking eye contact with her. He finally turns away from her to exit the house and join those outside, but not before mouthing a “pleaasssseeee” and sticking out his bottom lip.

“I’ll be there in a second!” she yells so he can hear her over the music.

His pout transforms into a grin before he disappears through the threshold, indicating that he heard her.

“So how about a double date instead of third wheeling?” Justin and Jess approach her with Justin wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh shut up,” her face heats up at the thought, “He’s a nice guy. He’s friendly with everyone.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t flirt with everyone,” Jess interjects, crossing her arms over her chest vindictively.

“He didn’t ask me to cheer for him,” Justin fakes offense, “Honestly I’m a little hurt.”

“Fuck off, Justin,” she laughs loudly, putting her hands over her face.

“You better get out there,” Justin presses, gesturing to the sliding door, “After all, it’s mine and Jess’s two month anniversary so an intense make-out session could happen at anytime.”

“Bye!” she turns on her heels quickly, running away from her friends before they could make things awkward, or more awkward.

***
Five cups of jungle juice and two games of beer pong later she’s sitting on a folding lawn chair watching Jeff singlehandedly win a third game of beer pong since Troy had wandered off and was bothering Hannah and Clay.

After sinking another shot, Jeff notices where Troy had gone. A brief look of panic flashes across his face before he mutters a quick, “be right back!”, making a beeline for Troy. Jeff was just about as invested in Clay and Hannah as Clay was in Hannah. She wondered just how much better off the world would be if everyone had the same heart as Jeff.

“Did you save the day?” she asks upon Jeff’s return. She’s quite drunk and seeing two of everything, including two Jeffs. How wonderful would that be? A world with two Jeff Atkins. Incredible.

“I don’t know about that,” he chuckles modestly, “It’s up to Clay.”

“Meanwhile that beer run is up to you, buddy” Troy points out, his words slurring together.

“Later man,” Jeff replies, picking up a ping pong ball.

“Because you definitely need more alcohol,” she rolls her eyes at Troy, a sick feeling blossoming in her stomach.

“Don’t be a buzzkill, Y/N,” Troy retorts.

“Hey, relax,” Jeff snaps at Troy, “you’ll get your beer.”

The sick feeling in her stomach intensifies tenfold. She doesn’t want him to go, but she can’t beg him to stay. He’s not drunk, he would never jeopardize his life or anyone else’s so recklessly. But something about it still doesn’t feel right. He shouldn’t go.

She stands up, wobbling slightly. She grabs the back of her lawn chair to steady herself before heading back for the house. The twisting in her stomach is ominous in a way that refuses to be ignored.

“Where’re you going?” Jeff asks, his eyebrows knitting together.

“I need another drink,” she mumbles, brushing past him.

***
Three shots and a game of suck and blow later she’s feeling light and airy. All the anxiety from earlier has been replaced with a tingling feeling that reaches her feet. She’s quite hammered, and all the slip ups in suck and blow have her laughing and her sides aching. She’s starting to get lightheaded.

“I’m gonna go get some air,” she gasps in-between fits of laughter.

“Can you even walk?” Jess giggles.

“I’ll crawl if I have to,” she shrugs, stumbling her way out the door.

***
There’s nothing like the refreshing sensation of cool air hitting your skin after being cooped up in a house full of drunks, especially when you’re drunk yourself. The feeling of a breeze on her face is intoxicating in its own right, so she continues to walk around the outside of the house until she reaches the front.

There’s someone else at the front of the house, too. She can only see their back as they walk towards the row of cars, but she knows who it is. Suddenly she remembers why she felt the need to down three shots of vodka.

“Atkins,” she calls out, stumbling a bit as she walks forward.

He turns around at the sound of his name, smiling when he sees who it is. “Hey, you. Looks like you got that drink you wanted,” he laughs lightheartedly at her shaky balance.

“You making that beer run?” she asks, wringing her hands together nervously.

“Yeah. I’m not even a little buzzed, don’t worry,” he says soothingly.

“Stay,” she says softly.

“Huh?” he tilts his head to the side.

She continues to walk forward until she’s standing right in front of him, her weight falling to the side enough to make her falter. He reaches out to steady her, keeping a firm grasp on her side. She places her hands on his chest to steady herself before locking her eyes on his.

“Stay,” she repeats.

“Y/N, it’s okay I’m completely fine I promise. I only had two beers like two hours ago,” he assures, his voice gentle.

“I know, but it’s not like anybody needs anymore alcohol. I’m one of the more sober ones right now and that says a lot. Honestly I don’t even know how I made it out here on my own,” she sighs, “Just stay, please. ”

He looks at her softly, his eyes studying the worry etched onto her face. She feels so delicate in his grasp, like a porcelain doll that could shatter with too much pressure. He has always been enamored with her.

“Okay,” he moves his hands to hold her face, “I’ll stay.”

She lets out a heavy breath, letting her forehead rest against his chest and wrapping her arms around him. Maybe she was worrying over nothing, maybe she wasn’t, but she’s unexplainably relieved at those words.

“You gotta promise to watch me play baseball though,” he teases.

“I’ll be there every game with a sign that has your name on it,” she laughs, tilting her chin up to look at him.

“You gotta stop looking at me like that,” he shakes his head,“I might just fall in love with you.”

“Don’t get my hopes up.”

“Don’t leave for two months at a time,” he counters, grinning boyishly.

“I’d stay right here forever if I could,” she tightens her arms around him.

“I’d kiss you if you weren’t like 10 drinks deep right now,” he laughs, rubbing her back gingerly.

“Let’s go inside. I need to get sober. Right now. Immediately,” she pulls away, grabbing his hand to tow him behind her. Their laughter echoes down the empty street as they run around to the back of the house.

There’s something beautiful about the end of summer- the way things begin to feel more permanent. A simple request can change so much. All he had to do was stay. And he did.


Masterlist

Gifs (X) (X)

psychic: reads my mind
me: hi, you’re on a rock floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it. actually, most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
a long time ago… actually, never. and also now. nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why it’s been everywhere. it’s been so “everywhere,” you don’t need a “where.” you don’t even need a “when.” that’s how “every” it gets.
forget this. i wanna be something. go somewhere. do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start.
and that’s exactly where it started.
big bang— pause
woah. i paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing! in a place! don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet! it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees.
about no seconds later
great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three, called a “proton” and a “neutron.” and there’s something else flying around that wants to join in, but can’t cause it’s too HOT.
ten minutes later
great news! the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other! some of them even doubled up.
about 380,000 years later
great news! the electrons have now joined in. congratulations! the world is now… a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together…
ten million years later
and it’s getting closer together…
500 million years later
and it’s getting closer togeth—
star is born
it’s a star
new shit just got made!
some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit.
space dust!
which allows for newer and more interesting stars to be made, and then die and explode into even crazier space dust!
so now, stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example.
meteor hits earth
holy shit, we just got hit by another ball of flaming rocks. and it kind of… made a mess. which is now the moon
weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space.
weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside of them and now there’s hot steam in the sky.
weather update: cooler temperatures today and the floor is no longer lava.
weather update… it’s raining.
severe flooding alert, the entire world is now an ocean.
volcano alert.
that’s land!
there'slifeintheocean
what?
something’s alive in the ocean
oh, cool. like a plant, or an animal? no! a microscopic speck. it lives in the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever.
microscopic speck asexually reproduces
oh yeah, and it can do that.
reproduces three more times
it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say.
tired of living at the bottom of the ocean?
now you can eat sunlight!
using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food.
taste the sun!
side effect, now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky is blue.
then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while. maybe even a couple of times.
it’s a sponge… it’s a plant… it’s a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish.
it’s the Cambrian explosion: “wow, that’s animals and stuff”
but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land?
NO
why?
the sun is a deadly laser
oh okay.
not anymore, there’s a blanket
now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land!
“nope, can’t walk yet.”
“and there’s no food yet, so i don’t care.”
100 million years later
okay, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here?
“maybe,” said some bugs. and fish.
fish gasps for air
five million years later
okay, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to have babies!
idea: learn to use an egg.
“i was already doing that”
use a stronger egg. put water in it. have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg. baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg.
works for me. bye bye ocean
50 million years later
and now everything’s huge. including bugs.
wanna see a map of the land? sure.
Permian extinction
oh, fuck, now everything’s dead.
just kidding, here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one, because it’s about to become
75 million years later
the dinosaurs.
here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart. don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor.
meteor strikes
and the dinosaurs are gone
it’s mammal time, here come the mammals. look at those breasts.
now they’re gonna dominate the world, but one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like that. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks.
“ouch”
and set things on fire.
“yeouch”
and make crazy sounds with their voice:
“gneurshk”
which can mean different things.
that’s a human person!
and now they’re everywhere. almost.
ice age!
what? you can walk over here? cool.
not anymore
well i guess we’re stuck here now.
let’s review: there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food.
fuck it. time to plant some grass.
look at this. i get to control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses, except mine is bigger because i own the food.
this is great! i wonder if anyone else is doing this.
tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground.
better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping.
guess what happens next?
more food. and more people, who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses and now there’s more people and they invent things which makes things better and more people come and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power,
Society
coming soon to a dank river valley near you.
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed.
why is all my metal so lame and lumpy?
tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing: bronze. made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land. i dunno, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what?
egypt
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also,
china
and did i mention
indus river valley civilization
society count: 5

norte chico
the middle east is getting more complicated. maybe because it’s in the middle of the east.
knock knock, er, clop clop. it’s the… people with the horses? and they made an empire. and then everyone else copied their horses.
greeks!
ah look, it must be the greeks! er, a beta version of the greeks.
let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization: they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china.
new arrivals from india… maybe it’s those horse people i was talking about… or their cousins or something…
and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff…
you could make a religion out of this.
there’s the bronze age collapse.
now the phoenicians can get down to business
also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks.
look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel.
and they believe in God
just one though, and he’s got like a ten-step program.
here’s some huge heads. must be the olmecs.
the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies.
here comes the assyrian empire. never mind, it’s the babyloni— media—
it’s the Persian Empire: “wow, that’s big”
enlightenment
ah, the buddha was just enlightened. who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this.
oops, china just broke. but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals.
enlightenment
ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff.
and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea. he was… great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them.
knock knock, it’s chandragupta. he says “get the hell out of here. will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? okay, thanks, bye”
time to conquer all of india
er
most of india
but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings. no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve gotspices!
who would like to buy the spices? “me!” said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world.
hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy. actually, they have three main philosophies:
confucianism: have good morals
taoism: go with the flow
legalism: fuck you, obey the law
out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city.
nomads ransack china
let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload.bye, said the parthians. bye, said the jews. hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place.
heyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland.
“hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which actually makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this.
want silk? now you can buy it from china. they just made a brand new road to the world.
conquers vietnam
or you can get there on water
“sick! new trade routes!” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast.
hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom.
there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again.
remember the persian empire? yep, said the persians, making a new one.
axum is getting so powerful, they would like to build a long stick.
has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together.
china is whole again…
…then it broke again
still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels.
“hell yeah! now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold. and slaves.
“hi, i’m a member of the roman empire, and i was wondering
is loving jesus legal yet?”
“no”
“actually, okay sure,” said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall.
it’s the golden age of india
there’s the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta. first name chandra. the first.
guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it’s not in rome anymore, so let’s give it a new name.
the mayans have figured out the stars
oh, and here’s a huge city, population: everyone.
the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks.
how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together.
how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them.
korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.
intermission
deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear. so, he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this, and maybe conquer the world as well.
the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus, there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors.
here’s all the wisdom. in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom! just in time for the islamic golden age!
“let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast.
remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now.
wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?
the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise! you’re the new roman emporer!” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not-france.
the northerners, er, just “norse” if you don’t have much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north. and they find some land— two types of land!— and they name them accordingly.
prankd
they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as “vikings.”
there’s the rus! the kievan rus! are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. okay, fair enough.
the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire. the holy roman empire! it’s actually germany, but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms—
CRISTIANIZE ALL THE KINGDOMS!!
which brand would you like?
“mine’s better”
“mine’s better”
“mine’s better”
“time to conquer england,” said william.
it’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s the seljuk turks!
“aah!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small and almost doesn’t exist anymore. “we need help!” they need help! so they call the pope.
“hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you want to take back the holy land.”
“yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.”
crusade!
they did many crusades. some of which almost didn’t fail. but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals.
goodbye mayans. hello toltecs! goodbye toltecs. hello mississippi! look at those mounds.
there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.
guess who’s here? khmer. where? here! and pagan is there. vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government.
china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis! i bet that will last a long time.
some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india.
is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time.
i just figured out where the swahili gets all of their gold.
look at this chad! it means “lake.” there’s an empire there! right in the middle of africa!
the king of mali is so rich, he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said.
the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not-spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you’re still christian when you least expect.
whoops, half of europe just died.
ming! china’s back, yay!
hey, khmer. time to share. new kingdoms, here and there.
oh, look who controls all of the islands. it’s the mahajapit.
majahapit.
mapajahit.
mahapajit.
mapajahit.
ma-ja-pa-hit?
oh, italy’s real rich. time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth.
here’s a printer. let’s make books!
so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? yep, said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. oops, you missed a spot. don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade.
“what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless.
“well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india”
“wait!” said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack. “if the world is round, let’s go this way to india.”
“nah, don’t worry, we already got this,” said portugal.
so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?”
“no”
“please?”
“no”
“please?”
“wtf”
“no”
“please?”
“…okay”
so he sails into the ocean, and discovers… more ocean. and then discovers the indies, and japan! let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world.
the aztec and the inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent.
the hapsburgs are marrying into so many royal families, they might have to start marrying each other.
move over, lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again.
move over, timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again.
let’s make it the other kind of islam. the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy.
hey, christians! do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell!
“that’s bullshit. this whole thing is bullshit. that’s a scam. fuck the church. here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.
“you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman wearing an onion hat. “what if the ottoman empire was… really big?” which it is now.
“what if russia was big?” said ivan, trying not to be terrible.
portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade. and then that dream was real.
and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france. “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt, and all the hipsters moved to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam. “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.”
question one: can you get to india from north america? no, but at least there’s beaver.
question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question, but the dutch did it anyway.
and sugar… guess where all of the sugar is made? in brazil! stolen! in the caribbean! and it’s so goddamn profitable, you might forget to not do slavery.
the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger.
britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world. more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven-year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did! it’s britain.
guess who’s broke? also britain! so they start taxing the hell out of america. “fuck you!” says america, declaring their independence and fighting for it, and france helps them win. now france is broke, and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent.
wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses?
“let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s heads off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
you could make a rel— no, don’t.
haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?”
wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back!luckily, they banished him to another island.
there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence.
britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains. and conquer india and maybe put some trains there.
“hey, china!” said britain. “buy stuff from us!” “nah, dude, we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually. but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island.
britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop the other person from conquering afghanistan.
also, the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now:“that’s just where he lives.”
india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before.
incoming telegram: HI I JUST SENT YOU A MESSAGE THRU A WIRE
technology is about to go crazy!
the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. it’s bad, they decided, and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too.
“i know! let’s rape africa!” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia…
britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand…
the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more:
hawaii!
cuba!
wait, spain controls cuba.
well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on spain?
u.s.s. maine sinks
“let’s blame the maine on spain.”
so they blame the maine on spain.
now we’re in business.
to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans.
britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go…
china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and is controlled by a guy from the previous government.
europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns! it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany.
russia went on strike, and the workers overthrew the government. now, everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism in the soviet union…
the arabs revolt and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind.
“let’s cut the cake!” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore-empire.
except turkey! turkey makes a brand new turkey!
and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do.
phone rings
hello? yes, it’s the 1920’s calling. let’s get to a car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy is great and it will probably be great forever. just kidding.
germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model, and he’s mad at the jews for existing.
japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited, they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it.
hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all of the jews is a bad idea. but he kills himself because they could explain it to him. that’s world war two!
bonus round! pacific showdown
united states vs. japan
FIGHT!!
united states drops two extinction balls on japan
FINISH HIM!
let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace! seems legit.
“hi, im gandhi, and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india, i’m going to starve myself in public.”
britain leaves
“wow, that worked?”
bonus! now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans, one of them can be bangladesh later.
the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me!” they both said at the same time. let’s divide up the lands so we’re both happy. SIKE! they both get angrier!
look out, china! there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china…?
there’s the korean war. korea versus korea! nobody wins, then its on pause forever.
let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. FIGHT!! wait, no, that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs.
“i’ll race you to space.”
united states plants a flag on the moon
now let’s make more countries fight themselves.
europe is tired of pillaging other continents, and the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by.
the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it.
let’s check the world population!
woah. okay.
technology is better too, that might keep happening.
the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart.
europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money. except britain, because they don’t feel like it.
let’s check the mail… surprise! it’s on the computer!
whoops, someone just attacked america. i bet they’ll remember that.
phone call! surprise! it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise! it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket!
whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to.
surprise!… flying robots. with bombs.
wanna print a brain?
some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic!
“let’s save the planet!” said everybody, not knowing how.
“let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool.
by the way, where the hell are we?
thanks for watching history
i hope i mentioned everything
psychic: what the fuck

rochu-c  asked:

Hi💕💕💕💕 I just started with my Bullet journal,any ideas of what spreads i can do? Other than the normal monthly and weekly logs

Ok I’m really sorry this was supposed to just be a simple list of some pages for a bullet journal and it turned into this


Bujo basics (see more bujo masterposts at the bottom):

Here’s some basic bujo advice that I can’t back up because I’ve never had one:

  1. use pencil first if you’re trying our a new format (and just in general because you never know when you’ll make mistakes).
  2. stick to a limited color palette (preferably lighter colors) if your worried about how it will look.
  3. be realistic about how much you can do; if you’re not a good artist, don’t make the focus point of your spread a huge elaborate drawing.
  4. don’t beat yourself up over mistakes you make. only you have to see your bujo so it’s really not the end of the world if you mess up a bit.

Notebooks:

Just a tip: there are 4 main kinds of notebooks - lined, dotted, gridded, and blank. I only linked dotted notebooks above, but those brands also made other notebooks so they shouldn’t be too hard to find.

  1. lined notebooks are good for when your bujo is writing-heavy (so if it’s also functioning as a journal).
  2. dotted notebooks are probably what you see most often because they’re so versatile. they’re great for both writing and more doodle heavy bujos (but if you have trouble writing in a straight line they probably aren’t for you).
  3. gridded notebooks are great if your a perfectionist because they make it super easy to draw straight lines.
  4. blank notebooks are what you want to use if your bujo will be very art focused.

Pens:

these are just some pens that are popular in the studyblr community, but you can literally use any pen (or pencil) that you want. any pens that you already have in you house are fine, so please don’t go out and buy any of these just for your bujo!

EXTRA: you can check my supplies tag and there should be some swatches like this

More supplies:

here are some stationary websites & brands!

Brands:

if you don’t want to go through all those  links, here are the most popular places to get stationary!

Spreads:

you’ll generally have four types of spreads: daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. people have a combination of the for (daily and monthly; weekly and monthly; weekly, monthly, and yearly).

  • EXTRA: some resolutions that you can track in your daily log

Page ideas (what the ask was really about):

the above is where bullet journals get even more customizable. you can add whatever pages you want to your bujo, usually in front or behind your weekly spreads.

An extra section:

some specifics about what you can add to your bujo if you want it to look great

fonts:

doodles:

Some more bullet journaling masterposts:

People with AMAZING bujos:

*people with really cool layouts great for inspiration

There is just something about Calista Flockhart’s portrayal of Cat Grant that brings out the absolute best in literally every person who works on Supergirl. From the writing to the performances, when she is in a scene the whole show is better from top to bottom. Tonight’s episode had a fire to it that this show has been lacking for almost the entire season. And Calista steals every goddamn second she is on that screen. Thank god they got her back to remind me of what made me fall so in love with this show in the first place. I missed you so much, Cat. 

Babygirl

Summary: Dan is an innocent virgin and Phil is the bad-boy who likes to make him flustered. High school Pastel!Dan and Punk!Phil AU

Genre: Smut that’s kinda kinky but mostly cute

Word count: 4,039

Kinks: Feminization, daddy kink, dirty talk, a little verbal humiliation

You can also read on AO3 here.

Keep reading

Conspiracy Theory: RPDR

Okay, so Willam Belli “supposedly​” tells people when he’s drunk about how RuPaul’s Drag Race really works. Every single person who has claimed this has also told the same story, so this may be the T. The show is hella rigged. Ru picks out favorites from the beginning and he usually sees them until the end. Sometimes things don’t go as planned, but shit happens. It’s all about what people like.

Let’s take this back to Season 4, the shadiest season ever, hands down. Willam has said multiple times that he was only supposed to be on for one or two episodes, so he started breaking rules. I believe that because when you look at Willam’s schedule, it matches what he says. Drag Race contestants aren’t allowed to really have contact with the outside world, so he wouldn’t be able to do shows. Here’s the thing, Willam quickly became a crowd pleaser. Everyone loves Willam (except Ru, but I’ll go into that in a minute). Because of that, he stays on way longer than he’s supposed to, already screwing up Ru’s vision. Ru already had a vision for the top three. Phi Phi O'Hara (who would never win, because no one likes her, but she balanced the scales), Chad Michael’s (who already had a successful career and would look great as the face of RPDR), and Sharon Needles (dark, different, quick witted, crowd pleaser, and would do as she was told, which she did). Suddenly Ru’s world was being turned upside down. Willam had a chance at winning. Willam would never listen to Ru and would totally be too rebellious for the RPDR brand. So, conveniently, when two of Ru’s three were in the bottom, Willam was disqualified finally, saving Phi Phi from elimination (because Sharon did way better at the lip sync).

Now, let’s go into double elimination territory. When there is a double elimination (which is only twice), that would mean one less episode for the show. That’s not happening though. Ru gets paid per episode. So, someone always comes back. That someone will always be a Ru favorite, not a fan favorite. Not only does this mean Ru has another shot at having a favorite win, but it means she still gets paid. Also, every double elimination has involved girls she didn’t like, so…

Another thing is the Alyssa vs Tatianna​ lip sync “for your legacy” in All Stars. Ru gets to see the lip sticks each girl chooses before the filming of the show starts. This makes it so that she knows who to pick in order to eliminate. Both Alyssa and Tatianna had picked Phi Phi O'Hara. If one of them had chosen Roxy Andrews, they wouldn’t have won. However, they both chose Phi Phi, which also made it so that another episode could be filmed, which means more money for Ru.

Now, let’s go to Season 9. Valentina was just eliminated after a series of screw ups on the episode. Ru was not happy, and even went as far as to tell her she THOUGHT Valentina could win. Valentina was both a Ru favorite and a crowd pleaser. Valentina was new to drag and definitely would do what she was told. Valentina was supposed to win Season 9, and Ru’s face shows it all. However, she fucked up too badly and everyone would’ve known that Ru was playing favorites if she stayed, so that’s the end of it. Now Ru has to pick a new winner, and I’m eager to see that.

Basically, Drag Race is rigged to a degree.

Adult World (Jungkook smut)

Originally posted by nochuie

Description: You reveal to your friends that no one except yourself has ever made you cum. Jin in particular finds this interesting and dares you and Jungkook to go to the sex shop down the street and purchase a sex toy, for your own benefit of course.

Pairings: You x Jungkook, You x Taehyung, Jungkook x Taehyung (you know how truth and dare goes)

Basically: Taehyung is a cocky lil shit who features quite a lot. Jin is a mean lil shit and Jungkook is a very helpful lil shit ;)

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff (so much smut, like damn this was hot to write)

This fic includes: A brief boy on boy scene, swearing, alcohol, sex toys, explicit smut

Word count: 6k


“You’ve got to be kidding!” Jin practically howls with laughter, doubling over himself and nearly falling off the couch with laughter. You’re about to tell him off but Jungkook beats you to it.

“Shut up. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Jin sits up straight, looking down at Jungkook, who sits next to you on the floor, opposite Jin. He wipes the tears from his eyes, his laughter finally dying down. “Hey, don’t you think you should talk to me with a bit more respect?” He prods teasingly, but Jungkook doesn’t seem in the mood, his previous lighthearted spirit vanishing upon Jin’s insensitive comment.

Jungkook’s tone is excitingly stern, but not rude, “Yeah, I’ll show more respect when you show more respect to Y/N.”

You laugh, “Don’t worry about me, Jungkook. I don’t think I can take Jin very seriously, not when I highly doubt he’d even know how to make me or any other girl cum.”

The circle of friends in Taehyung and Jungkook’s apartment erupt into comical ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’.

“You got damn burned!” Jimin says, leaning over the bottles in the center of your various seated positions to high five you.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

so gang!phil interrogating rival!dan but phils usual techniques (slapping, hitting, etc.) are just turning dan on, so instead phil just edges him til he gives in 💙

Phil cracked his knuckles, sighing as he pushed open the door to the interrogation room. He was instantly hit with a rank stench, and he flinched, crinkling his eyes in disgust.

Dan Howell sat in the middle of the room, tied to a chair, a gag over his mouth. He didn’t seem to notice Phil entering.

He had a black eye, and a cut on one cheek, so it was clear the boys had had some fun with him when they had caught him. He was still pretty cute though. And despite all this, Dan’s eyes were dry.

“Dan,” he said loudly, and the boy looked up, glaring at him fiercely.

Phil stepped forward, yanking the gag down, and Dan immediately took this opportunity to spit at him.

Phil calmly wiped it away, and Dan laughed. Phil shook his head, fiddling with the straps of the gloves they used to make punches hurt the offender less and the victim more. It was an old intimidation technique, but Dan didn’t flinch.

“You’re a goddamn idiot, Howell.” His voice was low, and he leaned down so he was at Dan’s level, their faces inches away.

“Maybe,” Dan said slowly, staring him down. “Or maybe you just don’t know why I did what I did.”

Phil stepped back, putting his foot on Dan’s chair, his clunky black boot resting between Dan’s legs.

“Unfortunately for you, that’s why I’m here.”

Dan’s subtle smirk grew, and Phil couldn’t help but growl under his breath. He was infuriating.

“Why would that be unfortunate?” Dan’s voice was light; teasing. “You know I adore our little chats.”

Phil was reminded why Dan was used for things like this - he was the best spy imaginable, and when he got caught, he wasn’t easy to crack.

Phil didn’t hesitate to swing at him, slapping him in the face, hard. Dan’s head was thrown to the side, but he came back smiling. He yawned, a strand of messy brown hair falling between his eyes.

“Thanks,” he said, his eyes flashing. “I needed that. I was falling asleep.”

Phil grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him forward roughly and practically strangling him.

“Look Howell,” he hissed, and Dan’s eyes widened slightly. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. And either way, you’re gonna fucking tell me why you were spying on my base, and what you know.”

Dan searched his icy blue eyes, determined not to let his confidence waver.

“I think it’s gonna have to be the hard way,” he said slowly, his eyes narrowing. “Because I’m not telling you shit.”

Phil huffed through his nose, and grabbed a handful of Dan’s hair. He tugged back roughly, and Dan let out a soft whimper, of surprise or pain, Phil couldn’t tell.

Dan’s eyes rolled back in his head, and his exposed throat somehow made Phil want to bite him. Instead he fastened a hand around it, making Dan cry out.

“I could snap your fucking neck,” Phil growled at him. “I could slit your throat. Tell me everything, and it’s all over.”

Dan gagged softly, squirming in his tight grip. “No. Hit me again, fucker.”

Phil obliged, letting go of him just to backhand him. And it looked like it hurt like hell; the impact split Dan’s lip. But Dan fucking moaned.

His eyes glinted with red hot fire, a wild grin melting to his features. “Again,” he breathed, and Phil stared at him.

Dan was a mess; he was visibly shaking, he had a black eye and a lip that was bleeding down his chin. But he was asking for more…? What did it take to break this kid?

Phil glared at the boy, punching him twice in the stomach, and shoving him backwards. The chair toppled backwards, and Dan landed on his arms, his head hitting the ground as well.

He cried out in pain, but there was something else in his tone, a sort of whine, and oh my god, this was turning him on, wasn’t it?

Phil swallowed, moving to stand over Dan, hovering above him. Dan grinned at him cockily, until Phil grabbed his face with a firm grip, and he squeaked.

“You think this is hot, don’t you?” He asked quietly, getting as close to Dan as possible without being tempted to kiss his broken lips. Dan laughed.

“And you don’t?” He smirked. “Having me like this, completely helpless? Ruining my pretty face, fuck, like the worthless piece of shit I am.”

It all clicked in Phil’s mind- why no one could seem to make Dan break. It was impossible to get information from him, simply because he liked the abuse. It made Phil even more pissed.

Phil stood back up, grabbing Dan by the hair and pulling him and the chair back up. Dan whimpered; fire shooting through his head.

“We’re gonna try something a little different,” Phil said calmly, his voice coming out sickly-sweet. Dan shivered.

“Do whatever you want,” he spit, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “I’m not saying anything.”

“Oh really? That’s too bad.” Without warning he leaned forward, his hands placed on either side of Dan’s hips, his breath brushing over the side of Dan’s neck. He ran his hand over Dan’s waistband, and then down to his (obvious at this point) bulge. “Guess you won’t be coming anytime soon, then.”

“Wha-” Dans breath caught and the words got stuck in his throat as Phil ran his fingertips over his hard on, certainly not making it better. “What d-do you mean?” He choked out.

Phil ignored him, pushing his hand into Dan’s pants, under his boxers, and ran his thumb over Dan’s tip.

Dan whined rather loudly, squirming on the chair, but the ropes made it so it was nearly impossible for him to move.

“Phil,” he breathed, trying to shift his hips away. “What are you d-doing…?”

Phil grinned maliciously. Finally, he had found something that would actually affect Dan. And he was going to have some fun with it.

“Mmh, just giving my whore what he wants,” he breathed in Dan’s ear, and Dan couldn’t help but moan.

Phil moved his hand, wrapping his fingers around Dan’s length. He watched Dan bite down on his bottom lip as Phil moved his hand, slowly teasing him, his thumb brushing over Dan’s slit occasionally.

Soon enough Dan was a whimpering mess, and he seemed to have given up any integrity he may have had left. His head fell back on the chair, his eyes closed, and he was attempting to rut against Phil’s hand while letting out an endless stream of high pitched moans. Phil had to be honest, it was sexy as hell.

Phil could tell Dan was getting close by the increase in pitch of his noises, and the way his hips stuttered. His cock was leaking precum, which made it easier for Phil to slide his hand up and down Dan’s shaft.

“Now,” he said softly, sweetly, even, slowing down his movements to a near halt. “Are you gonna tell me what you were doing outside the base, slut?”

Dan whined, his eyes opening, and he licked his lips.

“Please-”

“Answer the question.”

Phil stopped his movements all together, holding his hand at the base of Dan’s dick so he couldn’t cum even if he was able to.

Dan searched his face, chewing on the inside of his cheek before muttering, “no.”

At that Phil just smiled meanly, biting down on Dan’s throat and sucking hard, leaving a dark bruise in its place.

“That’s okay.” He laughed, and Dan looked almost scared. “We’ve got time.”

That began the next unbearable moments for Dan, with Phil scratching bright red marks down his thighs and occasionally leaving hickeys all over his neck and jaw.

And here’s the thing; Dan did not want to beg. He hated begging. Begging was admitting your defeat, and that was something Dan simply couldn’t do. But right then, Dan was probably closer to breaking down than he had been in his entire life.

He wanted to cum, he had been so close, and when Phil had stopped-

It was worse than any physical pain he could inflict.

When Phil started moving his hand again, Dan almost cried. He started slow again, gradually speeding up, stopping occasionally to flick his wrist around Dan’s head.

“Mmph, fuck,” Dan whined, his head falling back, beginning to lose his mind again. “Ph-Phil, please make me cum, please.”

“You wanna cum?” Phil growled softly, speeding up even more, and Dan practically screamed.

“Yes-! F-Fuck, n-need to…!”

Phil smirked, watching Dan’s face and admiring how he fell apart just from some pain and a hand around his cock. He was gorgeous, his face all roughed up and his hair falling in his eyes, sticking from sweat. Phil wanted to fuck his brains out, but then wasn’t really the time.

“Too bad,” he said finally, stopping again right when Dan was the closest possible.

Dan let out an incredulous noise, groaning, his hips bucking into nothing, desperate for friction.

“Fuck you,” he said breathlessly, his voice breaking. “Fuck you, Phil Lester. Let me cum.”

“Tell me what I need to know, sweetheart.” He dipped two fingers under Dan’s chin, bringing his face up. “Or, trust me, I could do this all day.”

Dan shook his head.

Twenty minutes later, and Dan was visibly shaking again. Tears streamed down his face, and he didn’t even remember when they had started. His hips constantly twitched, and he had to gasp for breath.

“Please.” His voice was soft and broken and desperate and sleepy; goddamn beautiful. “Please, Phil, I need it, I-”

“Aw.” Phil stuck out his lower lip, mocking him. “Poor baby. Poor desperate little whore, do you need to cum, my love?”

Dan shuddered, nodding frantically, not even above falling for Phil’s teasing.

Phil slapped him, the noice echoing through the room, and Dan moaned.

“Then tell me what I fucking need to know, Dan. It’s that simple,” he hissed through his teeth.

Dan whimpered, sleepily shaking his head. But then Phil’s mouth was on his dick, his jeans shoved down, and god, he had been close for an hour now. He just needed it so bad.

His eyes rolled back in his head, and he squeezed them shut.

Phil had been edging him for so goddamn long, he was going crazy. He was so weak, and every second that Phil touched him, he got closer. The very edge, and Phil’s hot, wet mouth was closed around him, humming, and fuck he was going to cum. It was right there, and then…

Phil pulled off with a pop, glaring at him. Dan could scream. And then he lost it.

“Phil, f-fuck, your mouth is so good, please-” he choked on the words, the emotion and need getting caught in his throat, and there were tears on his cheeks again. “Please, need to cum, please let me, p-please-” he hiccuped, shaking his head desperately. “Please, no more. N-No more, I’ll tell you!”

Phil smiled, drawing his thumb down Dan’s cheek.

“Mmh, good boy,” he hummed, and Dan soaked up the praise, nuzzling against Phil’s hand like a kitten. He didn’t care anymore. “That’s all I wanted. Tell me everything, and then you can cum.”

Dan nodded frantically, sniffing, the words spilling from his mouth like a waterfall. How he had been sent to scope out the new recruits, how his gang had been planning to kidnap one of the new kids, hold him hostage. Even how they had anticipated that Dan would get caught, and how he would try and get information on the inside as well.

At the end Dan broke down, a sob catching in his throat, still so fucking hard, his dick still leaking and straining to reach his stomach.

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Phil said sweetly, fastening his hand around Dan’s cock for the thousandth time.

Dan sucked in a sharp breath, his head lolling backwards, whimpering softly.

Phil got him off in a matter of moments, and Dan moaned loudly and high pitched as he spilled over Phil’s hand and his stomach.

Phil untied him, seeing as he was practically passed out, and Dan slumped to the ground.

He stood over him, looking over the exhausted, broken boy laying on the ground beneath him, breathing heavily. What a gorgeous mess.

He leaned over, kneeling next to him and lifting his head up by his hair. Dan didn’t even react, except for glancing at him sleepily.

“Needless to say, you can’t go back to your gang,” Phil said calmly.

“You gonna kill me?” Dan asked, more like a statement, as if he didn’t even care what the answer was.

“No…” Phil hummed, letting Dan lay back down and running his fingers through his tangled hair. “I was thinking you’d stay here. With me.”

Dan made a noise of acknowledgment, licking his ripped up lips.

“If it means we can do that again, then I’m down.”

Candy Hearts || Bucky x Reader

Summary → A year of silently pinning over your best friend and neighbor Bucky Barnes ends happier than expected when you spend Valentine’s Day together.

Word Count → 2.9K (I’m a wordy bitch, okay?)

Warnings → Cursing, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy!). Fluff? Definitely fluff.

A/N → Happy #FreakyFriday y’all! I apologize for the delay, but I had an unplanned twelve hour work shift today. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I thought I’d try my hand at fluffy smut (it’s a first for me - so go easy on this fic). Other than that, enjoy!

A nervous giggle flew from your lips as you twirled on your toes to face the full-length mirror hung over the back of your bedroom door. Your usual untamed knot of hair had been brushed and curled into effortless beach waves that cascaded down your shoulders and back. You wore nothing but Bucky’s trademark, burgundy Henley, which you’d confiscated the last time you’d done laundry together. It hung loosely over your frame, hitting mid-thigh and creating an innocently sexy, ‘girl next door’ type of vibe. You undid the first few buttons of the V-neck, to show off just the right amount of cleavage. You opted for some mascara and pink chapstick, making your lips appear fuller. Thoroughly satisfied with your appearance, you exited your room and tiptoed excitedly down the hall.

Over the past eighteen months, as your friendship with Bucky had grown closer, the both of you had developed several traditions. Every Sunday you’d get together for pasta, you’d lift weights with each other three times a week, and Tuesday nights were spent on Bucky’s couch with abundant amounts of junk food while binge watching television shows. Unless there was a particularly lengthy mission for the team or some other out of the ordinary incident, neither of you ever bailed on your plans. And tonight, Valentine’s Day, was not about to be any different. You had been secretly ecstatic when Bucky double-checked you’d still be getting together for takeout and Netflix, despite the holiday.

Keep reading

Glitter Ball

I’ve been seeing some discussion in past few days about how unrealistic it is that Bitty doesn’t hang out with other queer kids at Samwell, which is a valid point, and it reminded me I had a fic languishing in my drafts folder that involved an expanded look at the LGBTQIA group on campus, so I figured maybe the time had come to post it. It’s more about Dex than Bitty, because I started it as a response to the “Dex is homophobic” discourse, so this is from a “Dex has never been straight, he just doesn’t think it’s any of your business” perspective.

(It’s the beginning of a longer fic called “I Abhor You/I Adore You” that’s kind of an exercise in filling in all the gaps between the Nurseydex tweets and fleshing out the non-hockey parts of Samwell, but who knows if I’ll ever finish it.)

~4.5k, pre-slash Nurseydex, mostly Dex POV, guest appearances by Bitty, Holster, and a few OCs from the LGBTQIA group. Location of the IT helpdesk across the hall from the resource center entirely stolen from my own tiny liberal arts school, “the little gay college in the middle of Iowa.”

Read it on AO3 (now with the second chapter as well).


First year, first semester

Dex got a job with the helpdesk almost as soon as he got to campus. This wasn’t exactly normal for an unknown, untested, untried, and undeclared first year student, but he had references from his high school job and there was a constant shortage of people who actually knew how to do anything with hardware. Which, of course, was the thing most of the professors actually needed help with. They weren’t actually receiving a lot of emergency Python coding calls; they needed someone who could “make the goddamn printer talk to the computer” without pissing anyone off by being too condescending.

He enjoyed it; compared to having to do the same thing in a retail environment, this was downright relaxing, and he at least had some confidence the people he was helping weren’t complete idiots. He could even leave behind a Post-It of step-by-step instructions of how to fix the problem themselves next time and have it be followed at least 50% of the time! Not to mention his work-study hours as a student athlete were actually capped and enforced so he wouldn’t work himself to death. So relaxing when compared to high school, when he’d had to juggle IT work, lobster fishing, hockey, and grades good enough to get some kind of scholarship.

Since he’d gotten to campus early to start pre-season practice with the hockey team, he’d been able to establish a work routine before adding in classes, which had been helpful. The CS classes at Samwell were certainly more demanding, but that was why he was here, wasn’t it? All in all, he was pretty satisfied with how things were shaping up. (Now if only his d-partner weren’t such an entitled brat…)

Once the other students got back to campus, it became clear the helpdesk office wasn’t the only thing housed in the weird little building at the edge of campus. He was just ending a shift when a girl stuck her head in the door. “Would it be possible to get some quick help from anybody? It’s just across the hall.”

“I can do it,” Dex said. “I was just about to leave anyway.”

“Thank you!” She led the way into what appeared to be an all-purpose meeting room. The door now had a handmade rainbow sign taped to it, proclaiming it the Stonewall Resource Center. “We’re having our first meeting of the year tonight, and of course the one person who remembers how to work the projector is on study abroad this semester.”

“No problem. You hooking it up to a laptop?”

“Yeah.”

Dex walked over to the AV podium at the front of the room and fished out the giant cluster of cables and dongles. “Hopefully one of these will work, but we have adapters in the office for just about anything. Bring it over.” A minute or so later, he had everything working.

“Thank you so much!”

“Sure. I mean, it’s my job anyway.”

“Do I need to file a ticket or something?”

“Eh, whatever.”

“Um, you’re welcome to stay for the meeting if you want…”

“What’s it for? I mean, I can guess, but your sign wasn’t even up when I came in at the beginning of my shift, so, you know.”

“Yeah, basically it’s just a beginning of the year informational meeting for students about LGBTQIA resources on campus and a way to get those of us who are returning students to get started organizing other events. So maybe not super interesting.”

“No, it sounds like good information to have. I’ll stick around.”

She smiled at him. “Great! I’m Sam.”

“Will. Or Dex. I answer to either.”

“Nice to meet you.”

***

“So do you think you’ll come back?” Sam asked after the meeting was over. Dex had stayed to help her turn off the projector and leave a sticky note with the steps written down. (He was thinking about getting a set custom-printed with “Helping You Help Yourself!” across the bottom, though he suspected his boss would find this too snarky.)

“Probably not. I mean, not to regular meetings or anything—you can totally ask me for help anytime! I’m just kind of… past the place where I need this kind of group? And I’ve got hockey practice and CS classes that are kind of the point of my being here, so they take priority, you know?”

“Sure thing.”

“But you know where to find me! Seriously, I’m always happy to help. It looks like a great group. But I know I can’t commit to anything.”

“Cool. I’ll see you around then, yeah? Oh, hey, if you have any time on Friday, you should come to the softball game. We’re gonna slay.”

Dex grinned and offered his fist for a bump of solidarity. “You’ll have to come to a hockey game once the season starts.”

“Definitely.”

Keep reading

Not My Girl (Jeff Atkins x Reader)

Originally posted by cynicalsunset

Word count: ~3,930 

Request: Anon- Jeff request please! “She’s not my girl”, could you make it like something reader overheard? For example she passes her friends, the jocks, on the way to class. But not before she heard Justin say something like, “look Atkins, it’s your girl” And she get’s upset because they’re not dating, but they’re not not-dating either. And she’s upset and mad at school, but he’s her ride home. Then in the car, could reader be petty at first like Jeff asking, bad day at school/practice? And she’s like nope! And he puts his hand on her thigh when he’s driving as she pulls away so he’s like “oh so you’re mad at me?” And he won’t leave until she tells him. 

Warnings: None I don’t think. A little swearing, Justin being kinda pervy, Jeff being too adorable for words. I think that’s it. 

A/N. Thanks for the request! I’m sorry this took me so long, but I loved writing this one :) I summarized the request, but I feel like I got the gist. I should be answering requests a little more frequently now that I’m getting back in the flow so feel free to keep sending them in. Alright guys, you ready? Enjoy!


(Y/n) hummed to herself as she walked down the hallways, practically skipping as she made her way towards her second period class, weaving through the crowded hallways that usually angered her without a care in the world. She had crashed at Jeff’s last night, after a Fast and Furious marathon had run late, and had skipped first to go home and shower. She had been thinking about skipping the whole day, but she had a chem test in third and couldn’t afford to miss it.

Even the thought of covalent bonds couldn’t dampen her good mood. Things had finally happened between her and Jeff last night. The movie marathon had begun as a friend thing, with Clay, Hannah, and Tony over as well to spend the rainy day watching television and hanging out. As the day had changed to night, first Tony, then Hannah and Clay had excused themselves to finish the last of their weekend homework and get to bed early, leaving (y/n) alone with Jeff. He had merely shrugged once the others had left, flashed a breathtaking smile, and asked if she wanted pizza or chinese for dinner.

The two had been casual friends forever, the way kids in small towns all knew each other, but over the last few months (y/n) had noticed things start to change between her and Jeff. He was no longer the awkward, gangly kid with braces who collected baseball cards, and she was pretty sure he had felt the shift too. Suddenly there was a lot more touching, a lot more teasing, late nights spent texting and lunch periods spent sharing inside jokes. It was amazing. Everyone else had begun to notice too, teasing the both of them about the flirting and the ‘eye sex’, which they both resolutely denied. If anyone asked, they were just friends. But obviously (y/n) wanted more. And she was sure Jeff did too.

Keep reading

EVERYTHING BUT YOU ੭ JUNGKOOK

Contains : roommate!jungkook, angst, SMUT !

Words : + 3,5k

Group : BTS

Member: Jungkook/Jeon Jungkook

Summary : You hated everything about Jungkook, from his cocky smirk to his annoying voice, and he could say the same about you. But the both of you were stuck together, forced to live with each other because of the landlord, it wasn’t a choice.
Yet, you didn’t know if he really hated you, or if you really hated his voice once you came home from work, hearing your name tumbling from his mouth in breathy moans.

Originally posted by purelyjimin

A/N : You can leave your feedback or requests here ! Please remember that english isn’t my first language and this is my third smut ever.


You took a deep breath, trying to containt yourself. Both of your hands flat on the kitchen counter, you closed your eyes. You didn’t want to get mad, especially this soon in the morning.
You opened your eyes, before staightening your back and adjusting your shirt.

« Jungkook. », you called, hoping he would hear you through the noises of cars and shot guns coming from the tv. Your roommate simply hummed, not taking his eyes off of the screen.

« Jungkook, listen to me. », you harshly said. He paused his game to look at you, eyebrows raised at your boldness. The noises stopped abruptly, immersing the room in an almost religious silence.
Jungkook moved his head, questionning.

« How many times do I have to tell you to do the fucking dishes ? », you asked through gritted teeth.
The boy only rolled his eyes, shaking his head. « Argh, I’ll do them later. », he simply said, his face turning towards the tv again.

« Jungkook you need to do them now. », you started, making your voice a little louder so he could hear you over the noise.  « We don’t have any plates or bowls. », you continued, making your way to the living room.

You really didn’t want to fight him, last night was enough, but everything was dirty in the kitchen, and you needed to eat before going to work.
Your rubbed your temples, breathing in.

« Jungkook, I need to eat, I have to go to work. », you said, like you were talking to a child, standing in front of the screen.

« Y/N, move ! », almost screamed Jungkook, making motions with his hand before looking up at you.

He saw your determined look, arms crossed. He got up from the couch, tossing his controller, and he swore to himself that he would make you pay for it.




You took a deep breath, exiting from your car. The cold air ghosting over your skin, calming your nerves. You had a long and stressful day, the door of your apartment seemed like the door to heaven.
You looked up at the dark sky, before your attention got caught by the light coming from the window of your living room.

It was rare for Jungkook to stay in the living room, normaly he would watch a movie in his room, but maybe he was still playing his game, you thought.

You quickly walked towards the building, you were craving to feel the soft fabric of your duvet and rest for the week end.

Your hand grabbed the cold door handle, opening the heavy door of your apartment building. You were bending to take your shoes off and allow your heels to rest before you heard it.

The pounding sound of music, and you already knew where it was coming from. You cursed, rapidly climbing the stairs.
You didn’t even had to pull your keys out of your purse, since the door of your apartment was wide open.

Almost immediately, you started fumming, fists clenched. From the hallway you could see silhouettes moving around, dancing to the music.

« You got to be fucking kidding me. », you mumbled to yourself, walking into your apartment. The smell of alcohol was obvious, but you couldn’t care less, actively looking around to find Jungkook.
People were dancing, and you looked horrified, as you noticed some people you didn’t know on your couch, an obvious stain on the arm rest.

You looked around, trying to find someone you knew. You made you way into the crowd, feeling out of place with your working clothes.
Your body was pushed against other people, and suddently, you felt a pair of hands on your hips, pulling you into the person’s torso.

« Y/N ! You’re finally home ! », the person giggled, hugging you from the back, and you instantly knew who the voice belonged to.
« Jungkook, what the fuck is going on ?! », you almost screamed, turning around and freeing yourself from his embrace.

Even if you hated Jungkook, you knew him enough to tell that he was at least tipsy, a gummy smile on his face. The boy’s hands went back to your hips, pulling you into him once again. His head went to the crook of your neck, and you couldn’t help but move your head away.

« We’re just having a little party. », he explained. « Dance with me. »

His request took you off garde, your palms went to his torso so you could look into his eyes. « Jungkook. », you said sweetly.
The boy hummed, hands locking behind your back.

« I want everyone out of here in 30 minutes or I’m kicking you out. »
Jungkook’s smile instantly vanished, his normal self coming back as his touch disappeared.

« Oh, you forgot ? », you asked, fake pouting. « If the landlord finds out that you organised a party without informing him, you’re out. »

In reality, you were just threatening him. Yes, the landlord would probably kick him out if he found out, but the neighbours were on vacation, so no one was there to complain about the noise. And on the other hand, even if you hated Jungkook, you would rather live with him than paying the full rent, because, let’s be real, finding a new roommate was hard.

If eyes could kill, you would probably be dead. Jungkook was enrage, and you only smiled at him, feeling victorious. He licked his lips, looking around, and you knew you had won, walking away to your room, pushing away everyone too close to you.

You quickly slammed your door, sighing as you untied your hair.

After a few moments, the apartment was left silent, Jungkook apparently got rid of everyone pretty quickly.

Your head fell on your pillow as you wrapped yourself in your duvet, sighing in relief. Your muscles started to relax slowly, starting to fall asleep, before you heard it.

A girl moaning. 




You rubbed your eyes before tossing your duvet away from your body, you had spent one of the worst night ever.
You were already exhausted, your eyes closing without your will, and it was hot, way too hot, the duvet sticking to the thin layer of sweat on your skin. And on top of that, Jungkook fucked some random girl he certainly didn’t know.

You knew he was doing this just to piss you off, you could already see his annoying smirk on his face.
You sighed, getting up, your feet meeting the cold wooden floor. You walked out of your room, not caring about your appearance, you were only wearing a long t-shirt and your underwear.
You were craving for some tea and you needed it now. You quickly brushed your teeth, noticing no signs of Jungkook’s presence and made your way to the kitchen.

To your surprise, the living room was clean, no cups of the floor, no empty bottles. If it wasn’t for the stain on your couch, it was like nothing happened.
You raised your eyebrows, at least you wouldn’t have to fight with Jungkook.

Pouring the hot water in your cup, you absently watched as the water turned brown. You slowly added the milk, before feeling two hands on your hips, rolling your eyes as Jungkook’s head dropped to the crook of your neck. 

You groaned, getting away from his grip, leaving your cup on the kitchen counter to take care of your toast.

« I wouldn’t mind waking up to this every day. », he said, with his low morning voice, leaning in the corner of the kitchen. Your back was turned to him, but you could feel is eyes travel down your legs.

« Fuck you. », you simply said, spreading your chocolate on the bread. Jungkook didn’t respond, silently watching you.

You made your way towards your cup, but the boy stood beside you, his hand sneaking once again on your hip.
« Is that for me ? », he asked. His head moved towards the plate, humming the smell of the toast, while doing so, his breath ghosted over the skin of your cheek, his perfume he was wearing making you dizzy.

Your hand smacked his torso, « What the fuck, no. »

« Wow, after cleaning the living room I thought I would get some kind of reward. », he said, his tone changing at the last word.
You turned around,« Oh so, I should give you a reward because you cleaned the mess you’ve made after you threw a party ? »

Jungkook opened his mouth, but you continued, « Besides, even if you ended the party, the girl you fucked was way too loud. », you said, leaning against the kitchen counter and taking a sip of your tea and putting the cup down.

He almost looked embarrassed for a split second, before regaining his cocky attitude, leaning towards you.
His hand went to your jaw, his thumb lightly tugging at you bottom lip. His boldness caused your breath to get caught in your throat, and he saw it.
Smirking, he hummed, « You can tell me if you’re jealous, you know. »

He licked his lips, watching your own lips, and unconsciously leaning towars them. 

« You need to clean the stain on my couch. », you breathed, before escaping from his embrace.




 After the “accident”, nothing like that happened again.

Yes, you thought about it, was he really going to kiss you ? Are was it just another way to annoy you ?
If he wanted to annoy you, it was working, and what pissed you off more than anything, was the fact that you couldn’t stop thinking about how close he was, and he didn’t seem to care, as if it never happened.
And you wish you never happened, you wished you never felt you heart beat so fast.

Of course, you got back to Jungkook, stealing his video games until he cleaned your couch. He had to clean it himself, and hated every second of it. And once again, he swore he would make you pay for it.

And he did. You had a sleepover at your best friend’s house, and Jungkook knew it. While you were getting ready, he took his chance and sneaked into your room, easely finding your bag.

He knew you would probably kill him, but his plan was too perfect.
The next day, after the sleepover, you and your friends would go to the club. He knew you were excited about it, and he didn’t feel an once of guilt when he poured the ink of his pen on your red dress.

He was going to ruin your night just like you ruined his in the first place. Quickly folding the fabric and shoving in back in your bag, he closed your it before going back to the living room like nothing happened.

And you should have knowned that he was up to something when he sweetly smiled at you before you closed the door.

But Jungkook’s plan wasn’t that good, he thought that you would only see the ruined fabric after the sleepover, just before going out. But you were too excited to show your new dress and unpacked your bag as soon as you entered your bestfriend’s house.

Your heart sank when you unfolded the fabric, discovering the wide black stain in the middle of the dress, before rage took over you.
Cursing loudly, you didn’t give your best friend any explaination before storming out of her house, blood boiling, fingers impatiently taping on the steering wheel at every red light.

You almost ran up the stairs, before taking a deep breath when you were faced by your door. « Calm down, you don’t want to kill someone tonight. », you thought.

But another voice in your head reminded you that the dress he ruined costed a lot, and you really needed this night out with your friends to relax and suddently, all the rage that was starting to fade came back in a wave.

Opening your door, you were greeted by the darkness of your living room, and for a second you thought Jungkook was gone, maybe out for the night, but you heard something. The boy was probably playing some game with his friends.

Quietly walking without turning the light on, you followed the faint noise before freezing in the middle of the room.

The noises, it’s wasn’t him talking, it was him moaning.

You were so shoked, you almost dropped your keys. You didn’t know if you had to laugh, open the door of his room or just run away as quickly as possible and act like nothing happened.

Putting your keys down on the kitchen counter, you leaned against it. You could hear your rapid heat beat along side Jungkook’s moan, sweat starting to form on your forehead.
You wanted to get out, so bad, but you were stuck there, unable to move. His moans were getting louder, his breath ragged, little whines coming from his lips from time to time.

Your cheeks were starting to heat up, when you heard a particularly loud moan, before

your name.

Your eyes opened, wide, starring at Jungkook’s bedroom door. You moved your head, you swore to yourself it was just your brain tricking you.

But you heard it again, clearer this time.

« Y/N, fuck ! »

And your heart sank, once again.
Your name was tumbling from his lips in broken moans, your legs felt like jelly, his breath got more and more erratic as yours got caught and suddently,

it stopped.

It stopped, and the whole apartment was silent, like nothing happened. Your eyes still wide, you started to breath normaly again.
You took your keys, head dropping to look at the floor, before you heard the door.

Oh, fuck.

You immediatly looked up, cursing yourself for not running away when you could. You froze as you saw Jungkook, walking out of his room, obviously frustrated. His hand running in his hair, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips, a layer of sweat visible on his torso.
He looked up, and froze.

For what felt like an eternity, no one talked, looking at each other like a deer caught in headlights. Your throat was dry, unable to talk, your mouth opened and closed without letting out a single sound. The air was thick, your eyes traveling from his red lips to his rising and falling chest.

Jungkook was the first to open his mouth, breaking the silence.

« Y/N, I, eh, didn’t hear you come in. », he said taking a step forward.

« I, eh… », you tried, stepping back, forgeting why you were there in the first place.

« How long have you been here ? », he asked, a hand rubbing his collarbone. 

« I- », you started, before your back hit the wall, knocking the air out of your lungs.

Jungkook licked his lips, eyes traveling from your mouth to your eyes.

« You heard me ? », he asked, even if he knew the answer. His breath ghosted over your skin, one hand beside your face on the wall, the other holding your chin.

« Yeah. », you breathed, looking into his eyes, you didn’t know if it was the lack of light but they seemed a shade darker.

The boy licked his lips again, blinked a few times before boldly asking.

« Can I kiss you ? »

And without thinking, you nodded, a sigh leaving your lips when your roommate eagerly kissed you. Jungkook instantly moaned into your mouth, pressing himself against you. His hand detached from the wall, falling to grip your hip.

His soft lips moved against yours, before his tongue licked your bottom lip, asking for entrance, which you immediatly gave. And it was a battle for dominance, Jungkook’s hand left you chin, sneaking under your shirt, eager to feel you skin against his.

His head went to your neck, and you didn’t move, letting him kiss his way down to your collarbone. He was craving to do this since the kitchen accident, your skin looking way too flawless to his liking. And all he wanted to do was to mark you, all over your body.

A sigh ran down from your lips when he found a special spot, and he started sucking on your skin, leaving a purple mark.

Both his hands pushed the fabric of your shirt up, and you got the hint, taking your shirt off. Your arms wrapped around his torso, feeling his skin against yours, you lips founding his neck, but before you could start your torture, he stopped you.

« Y/N, don’t tease. », he breathed. And god, he sounded so needy, out of breath and you only kissed his neck, you wondered how wrecked he would be after you’re done with him. 

Seeing that you didn’t respond, Jungkook pressed himself against you, making you feel his boner, and he was hard.

Your lips went back to the base of his neck, while your hand traveled down his torso, until you met the hem of his sweatpants.

« Y/N, plea- », he started, getting cut when your hand palmed him through the fabric. His head rolled back, a moan tumbling from his lips.

You liked your lips, watching him in awe, his fingers digging in your waist.

« Don’t tease. », he said through gritted teeth, pulling you closer. His hand grabbed yours, kissing your knuckles to your elbow.

« Jungkook. », you breathed, wrapping you arms around his neck. He hummed, eyelids heavy.
His cheeks were slightly red, lips swollen, and you couldn’t help but kiss him again instand of answering.

He walked you towards his room, lips never leaving yours.

Leaving the lights off, he softly layed you on his bed before towering over you. Your fingers went to the hem of your jean, taking it off.
Jungkook’s hands unclapped your bra, tossing it somewhere, his mouth instantly wrapping around your nipple.

« Jungkook, we don’t have time for that. », you moaned, feeling the uncomfortable wetness starting to form in your underwear. The boy was as eager as you, leaving you breast before almost ripping your panties.

« Fuck, I’m so hard. », he moaned, when you took his sweatpants off. He quickly got up, opening the drawer of  his nightstand to take a condom. He hurriedly opened the package, rolling the condom on his shaft.

You signed when his hands went on either sides of your hand, feeling the heat of his body. Your hand grabbed the back of his head, pulling him towards your lips, kissing him again, never getting enough of the feeling.

He pulled back slightly, a smirk streching his lips.

« Babygirl. », he called, waiting for you to open your eyes. One of his hand grabbed the back of your thigh, placing your leg on his hip.

« Who are you wet for ? », he asked, a devilish smile on his face.

You wanted to slap him, but you needed him, and you breathed.

« You. »

Jungkook almost moaned, his head went back to your neck before entering you. Jungkook groaned, his breath ragged. You arched your back, your nails digging into his shoulders.

« Jungkook, please. », you moaned, and he started rolling his hips in a slow but deep pace. Your head dropped back, you started biting your lip, trying to muffle your moans, but Jungkook noticed.

« Don’t you fucking dare. », he started, thumb tugging at your lip.  « Moan for me or I’ll stop. »

You whined, and Jungkook started slamming back into you. His hand grabbed your hair, pulling at it to expose your neck, and he started biting and sucking on the skin, breathy moans coming from your lips.

Your other leg wrapped around Jungkook’s waist, his dick was hitting a spot making you moan at every thrust. Jungkook was a moaning mess on top of you, his broken whispers transforming into long moans and deep groans.

He was getting closer and closer, but he wanted to make you come first, he needed to see it.

« Are you gonna cum for me ? », Jungkook ask, teeth biting on your lower lip. You could only whine, your hand gripping his hair.

Jungkook’s hips started making deep and slow thrusts, one which was particularly hard, helping you reach your high.

A last moan filled the room, before your came around Jungkook, your eyes closing, mouth falling agape.


Jungkook groaned, feeling your walls tighten around him. « Fuck, such a good girl. », he complimented through gritted teeth, before reaching his climax, softly moaning near your ear, your name falling and falling from his lips as he came in the condom.

He collapsed on top of you, the both of you trying to catch your breath, bodies sweaty.

Jungkook chukled,« Sorry for the dress. »

rowanreader  asked:

Top 10 fanfic title and summaries?

Sacchariwrites -  top 10 most popular in universe viktuuri fanfics? lol


Ok so for these are the top 15 (I couldn’t stick to top 10, I had too many ideas!) most popular Viktuuri fanfics of the Rivals universe AO3. As a disclaimer they are not based on any existing Viktuuri fanfic irl and they are not all fics and tropes I would necessarily read or write (I don’t like RPF myself), they are just the kind of fic that I imagine would be most popular in the Rivals universe considering what is publicly known of Viktor and Yuuri’s story and how they are each viewed by the public in general and their fans, plus the kind of fics that tend to be popular in most fandoms. 

I also got way too into this and started mentally writing out the whole fic for some of them but I had to restrain myself and just stick to summaries! 


Top Fifteen Most Popular Fanfics In the ‘Rivals’ Alternate Universe AO3


1)      Title: The Life We Live

Rating:  Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, Celestino Cialdini, Yakov Feltsman, Yuri Plisetsky, Georgi Popovich, Mila Babicheva, Otabek Altin  

Additional tags: Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Love, Romance, Kissing, Sexual Content, Ice Skating (obviously)

Summary:

Everyone knows the love story of Katsuki and Nikiforov and the kiss that shocked the world. What not so many people know however, is what came after.

(My take on the domestic lives of Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki based on interviews, social media and fan speculation)

 

2)      Title: Love!!! On Ice

Rating:  Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, other minor characters

Additional tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe – Coach and Student, Coach AU

Summary:

When the world’s top skater Viktor Nikiforov is permanently injured in a freak skating accident and forced to retire from skating for good he knows his life will never be the same again. But while his life is empty without skating to fill it, being forced to become the unwilling coach of a headstrong Japanese rising star skater was the very last way he wanted to return to the ice.

The reluctant coach and unwilling student clash over almost everything but even through the hatred, something different slowly begins to emerge. Can Nikiforov teach Katsuki the secrets to finally winning the gold? And can Katsuki bring back the meaning to his life that Nikiforov thought he had lost forever?

 

3)      Title: A Melody Sung, With Words Unspoken

Rating:  Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin, Jean-Jacques Leroy, various other skaters

Additional tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe – Canon Divergence, Injury, Angst and Fluff, Enemies to Lovers

Summary:

At the height of his career and at the brink of winning gold for the first time, Yuuri Katsuki is instead injured and prevented from ever returning to competitive skating. Unable to let go of his love for the ice he instead turns to choreography, creating record-breaking routines that every skater dreams of one day skating to. World renown for his work he is in constant high demand but willing to work with any skater who needs his help, from the youngest juniors to the most decorated seniors. All but one, his ex-rival Viktor Nikiforov, the world’s top skater and seemingly the only person who has never skated to a Katsuki routine.

Inspired by the emotive creations of Katsuki, Nikiforov sets out on a quest to convince the ex-skater to help him choreograph the routines for his final and definitive season. Just how far will he have to go to convince his once-enemy to work together and what hidden secrets will he learn along the way?  

 

4)      Title: On Love: Eros

Rating:  Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov

Additional tags: The Eros Costume, Smut, Shameless Smut, Sexual Content, Top Viktor Nikiforov, Bottom Yuuri Katsuki, Porn with a little bit of plot, Seduction, Riding, Oral Sex, Barebacking, Hair-pulling, Finger-fucking, Dirty talk, Orgasm Denial, the real story of how Katsuki convinced Nikiforov to give him the Eros costume

Summary:

“Why?” Nikiforov said and his eyes were as dark as his words were cold. “Why would I ever want to help you?”

Katsuki licked his lips, looking up at the other skater with a heated gaze and smirking a little as he ran his fingers up Nikiforov’s arm to rest tantalisingly on his shoulder.

“I think I can make it worth your while.”

 

5)      Title: Before the Camera, Behind the Screen

Rating:  Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, Celestino Cialdini, Yakov Feltsman

Additional tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe – Actors, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, they’re actors playing figure skaters for a big Hollywood movie, and they hate each other, at first at least, why do they not use body doubles for their sex scenes?, plot reasons that’s why

Summary:

Sweat-slicked skin gleamed under the lights, two bodies moving as one as gasps of pleasure filled the quiet room. Katsuki had his head thrown back, eyes glazed as he rode out the sensation, thighs clamped tight around the warm body beneath him and hands fisted into silver hair…

“Cut.” Came the harsh voice of the director as the studio lights snapped back on, flooding the scene with a glaring brightness. “Take five everyone.”

“And you two.” he turned to the two actors who were both blinking in the sudden light and wiping the fake sweat from where it was lying stickily across their skin. “You need to get it together soon or this whole movie is going to be a disaster. You’re supposed to be in love for Christ’s sake! Katsuki, you look like you’re counting down the minutes until you can finish this scene and go and get lunch and Nikiforov, you’re just looking bored. You’re supposed to be actors! I don’t care how much you hate each other, you better act like you don’t or you’re both getting fired.”

Katsuki glared down at Nikiforov who was still lying beneath him, looking annoyed.

“You better step up your game.” Nikiforov drawled, looking disparagingly up at the man still straddling him. “I have a reputation to uphold and I’m not going to lose it to a bad movie because of one amateur, one-hit-wonder actor who can’t do his job properly.”

“Maybe it would be easier to do my job if you weren’t such an arrogant ass who can’t admit to his own mistakes.” Katsuki shot back, glare intensifying. “And stop acting like you’re such a big deal. You might be famous but you’re not that impressive.”

“I don’t know, I’ve been reliably informed by a lot of people that I’m very impressive.”

Nikiforov flicked his eyes to where their bodies were joined, only the smallest pieces of fabric separating them, eyebrow raised suggestively. Katsuki snorted in disgust, then rolled his hips in an unexpected movement that made a certain part of Nikiforov perk up in unintentional interest.

“I’ve seen better.”

 

6)           Title: The Calm Before The Storm

Rating:  General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri and Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, other character tags to be added

Additional tags: Backstory, Childhood Friends, Backstory Speculation, Fluff, Angst and Heartbreak, Nikiforov/Katsuki Rivalry Backstory

Summary:

Another speculative fic about the origins of the Katsuki/Nikiforov rivalry. Based on the popular theory that they were childhood friends until something went horribly wrong.

7)      Title: coffee, cupcakes and other ways to fall in love

Rating:  Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, other character tags to be added

Additional tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Barista!Katsuki, Nikiforov is still a figure skater, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Katsuki is the cute barista Nikforov has been trying to charm for weeks, Katsuki is having none of it

Summary:

“You know, I like my men like I like my coffee.” Nikiforov said, leaning closer across the counter and trying out his best, award winning smile. The cute barista - whose nametag was always suspiciously absent whenever Nikiforov was in the shop and whose name he still couldn’t charm out of him, although not from lack of trying - merely glared in response and continued to make his order without replying.

“Dark, strong and a little bitter.” Nikiforov added with a flirtatious wink, making a point of looking at the man’s feathery dark hair and the lean muscles that stood out in his arms, accentuated by short sleeves of the uniform he was wearing.

“That’s funny. I like you just like I like my coffee too.” The barista’s glare changed in an instant to a coy smirk and Nikiforov’s heart leapt a little in his chest at the sight. It had been weeks since he had first spotted the man at his favourite coffee shop and he had been trying to charm him from the moment their eyes first met. Unsuccessfully so far but he knew it couldn’t be long now.

“And how is that?” Nikiforov replied, layering his tone with as much suggestiveness as he could muster.

“I don’t like coffee.”

The barista turned away to serve the next customer with a look of triumph and Nikiforov could feel his face fall. Oh well, there was always next time. After all, he didn’t give up easily and he always loved a challenge.

 

8)      Title: All Things Must Die (Except You and I)

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Other Character Tags To Be Added

Additional tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe – Greek Mythology, Alternate Universe – Gods and Goddesses, Hades and Persephone, Hades and Persephone AU with a twist

Summary:

The God of Death and the God of Spring have been waging a silent war for years. Spring, with his eyes the colour of the sky and his hair like precious metals, brings life and laughter while Death, dark like a shadow, ends all things and sorrow walks in his wake. For centuries their silent war raged on, until one day the power of the God of Spring grew too great and he taunted the God of Death, creating an eternal Spring on earth where nothing could ever die.

Angered by the arrogance of the other God, the God of Death kidnaped the God of Spring for his mockery, locking him away in the underworld and plunging the world above into an eternal winter. But hatred slowly began to change into something new and the two Gods came to realise they might not be as different as they once seemed. But both were needed to keep the balance in the world, one above and one below, and as the long winter raged on even love was called into question. Because can anyone truly be in love if they are also not free?

 

9)      Title: doing it backwards

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov

Additional tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, Alpha Victor Nikiforov, Mpreg, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Knotting, Biting, Mating, Nesting, Protective Viktor Nikiforov, Viktor being a good dad before he even knows he’s the dad, Angst With a Happy Ending

Summary:

Katsuki hates Nikiforov and always has. But after one night of ill-advised passion leaves him with a lot more than just hatred to remember the other man by, he realises his life is about to change, and not necessarily for the better. And what’s worse, he knows he has to hide this new development from the other skater or face what might be terrible consequences.

Otherwise known as the fic where Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki fall in love, get married and have kids. Not necessarily in that order.

 

10)   Title: winged Cupid painted blind

Rating:  Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov

Additional tags: Secret Identities, Mistaken Identities, Pen Pals, Falling In Love

Summary:

Being the world’s best figure skating is exhilarating but also lonely. After a string of failed relationships, Viktor Nikiforov decides to forgo love for good, knowing that people only want the version of him they see on the TV and not who he really is inside. After finding a website for anonymous people just wanting someone to talk to, he quickly discovers that it is a good way to deal with his feelings without the pressure or expectation of his fame. Another user, KYKatsudon, quickly catches his attention and the two of them click instantly. Viktor finds he can talk to the other man about just about anything and the other man has similar feelings and fears. Slowly he begins to fall for the mysterious man at the other end of the conversations and he wonders if maybe it might be worth trying out love one more time. The only problem is he has no idea who KYKatsudon really is, and he has never revealed his own identity either.

They might both be in for a surprise…

 

11)   Title: Every Pawn Can Become A Queen

Rating:  Explicit

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Katsuki Mari, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin, Jean-Jacques Leroy, Georgi Popovich, Mila Babicheva, Other Character Tags To Be Added

Additional tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe – Historical Fantasy, Alternate Universe – Royalty, Plotting, Assassination Attempts, Enemies to Lovers

Summary:

Yuuri is the Prince of an Empire, second in line for the throne and renown in battle, a formidable warrior who has been fighting for almost half his life against the neighbouring Empire and their barbaric ways. But after tragedy strikes both kingdoms, an uneasy peace must be formed between the two opposing sides, a peace that must be sealed with the strongest of bonds.

Charged with keeping the peace for the sake of his people, Yuuri is forced to leave his homeland forever and marry the only son and heir of the opposing kingdom, forging an alliance with marriage to protect the empire built on the backs and blood of his family and now ruled by his beloved sister. But Yuuri knows what the marriage truly is beneath the pretty words. A life-sentence, imprisoned forever under the rule of a man he hates and has faced on the battlefield countless time.

But the political machinations of the foreign court might prove to be an even deadlier battlefield than the one he just left and he must keep the peace between the two kingdoms to save the lives of millions, whatever the cost. And what’s more, his long-time enemy and new husband is not the man he believed him to be and his position as Prince Consort holds more power than he ever expected. For the one who holds the heart of the future king is the one who can control the kingdom.

 

12)   what would I pay, to stay here beside you

Rating:  Teen and Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin, Georgi Popovich, Mila Babicheva, Celestino Cialdini, Yakov Feltsman

Additional tags: Alternate Universe - The Little Mermaid Fusion (original), Mermaid!Viktor, Prince!Yuuri, Happy Ending

Summary:

Viktor has always been fascinated by the human world and especially one human in particular, a man he once saved from drowning one stormy night after a shipwreck. A dashing prince with a beautiful laugh, kind and beloved by all who know him. After loving him from afar for years Viktor makes a deal with the sea-witch, in exchange for his silver hair he has one month to make the prince fall in love and marry him or he will lose his life and be turned to nothing but foam on the sea. Known by all as impulsive and rash, Viktor takes the deal without a second thought and begins a life on land with the intention of wooing the prince and finding his happily ever after.

The one problem? The Prince hates him on sight.

Working against the clock, Viktor has one month to uncover the mystery of the Prince’s past and discover why he is so hated by the other man. And not only that but he must also convince the prince to fall in love and marry him, least he be lost to the sea forever.

13)   Title: Saving Viktor Nikiforov

Rating:  Mature

Archive Warning: Major Character Death

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, Other Skaters, Celestino Cialdini, Yakov Feltsman

Additional tags: Temporary Character Death, Alternate Universe – Time Travel, Slow Burn

Summary:

After a tragic accident out on the ice, the world mourned the loss of figure skating legend Viktor Nikiforov. Consumed by guilt, his rival Yuuri Katsuki lost all love of the sport that was once his life and wished desperately to change what happened. In an unexpected turn of events his wish was granted and he was sent back in time, all the way back to his senior debut before the rivalry even began. His one goal? Save Viktor Nikiforov.

 

14)   Through Another’s Eyes

Rating:  Gen

Archive Warning:  Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, Yuri Plisetsky, Celestino Cialdini, Yakov Feltsman, Jean-Jacques Leroy, Otabek Altin

Additional tags: Fluff and Angst, Changing POV, based on public and social media reactions of each person, also based on Yuri Plisetsky’s face when they kissed on the podium at the end

Summary:

A look at the Nikiforov/Katsuki rivalry over the years from a variety of different points of view

 

15)   Roses and Blood

Rating:  Explicit

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Category: M/M

Fandom: Figure Skating RPF

Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Viktor Nikiforov

Characters: Katsuki Yuuri, Viktor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont, Christophe Giacometti, Other Character(s)

Additional tags: Alternate Universe – Mafia, Alternate Universe – Assassins and Hitmen, Enemies to Lovers

Summary:

Katsuki Yuuri is one of the most successful and feared assassins in the world, his reputation only succeeded by his greatest rival, an opposing hitman called Viktor Nikiforov. But after circumstances bring the two of them together for a complex and long-lasting job an uneasy peace is formed and gradually hatred turns to trust and respect and from that grows something more.

Job complete and aware of his new feelings for the man he once thought he hated, Katsuki returns to the organisation holding his leash - controlling him with the only other thing he cares about - to be given his next job, something he cannot refuse no matter what.

His next assignment. Kill Viktor Nikiforov.

100 Reasons to Love Kim Namjoon

today is my 3 year anniversary of loving namjoon and so here’s 100 reasons everyone should love him !!!!!!!

  1. he gave up a stable future of studying and going to college (despite being so smart) to risk everything and pursue his dream of becoming a rapper
  2. had to fight criticism for being an ‘idol’ rapper and struggled for years with his decision and identity
  3. when he says he loves himself !!!!
  4. never forget this cute tummy flash !!!!!!!!
  5. he loves all his members so much sosososo much, he always puts them before himself 
  6. WHEN HE’S LAUGHING REALLY HARD AND HE STARTS SEAL CLAPPING
  7. that one time tae came to sleep next to namjoon and namjoon sleepily held tae’s hand and wouldn’t let go
  8. his signature move when he takes his two index fingers and covers one of his eyes while looking deadass into the camera
  9. HIS DOE SHAPED PRETTY CHOCOLATE BROWN EYES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  10. professional self-dragger, literally willingly drags his own ass
  11. his mixtape release in 2015, every song was so important and deep and okay, it’s largely forgotten because of yoongi’s mixtape but it has so much emotion and meaning behind every song
  12. he loveloveloves dogs !
  13. literally has looked like the best thing the world has to offer no matter what rainbow ass hair color bighit sticks him with
  14. that golden age when his hair was black when will that look come back from the war ://////////
  15. you know that thing he does when he’s been rapping and suddenly breaks out into a smile and scrunches his nose and winks with one eye mmmmmmmmokay !!!!
  16. his angry rap when his neck veins show because he’s literally putting his all into it
  17. the way he looks in beanies !!!!!!!!! with one ear tucked in and the other sticking out
  18. the mole on the left side right under his jawline 
  19. the fact that he literally read books on philosophy for hyyh
  20. THE WAY !!!!!!!!! HE LOOKS !!!!!!!!!!!! IN A SUIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  21. that time his speaker wasn’t working and he yelled at it and it started to work, Legends Only
  22. the fact that he isn’t afraid to try out weird kinds of fashion and won’t hear shit about it
  23. has been known to support LGBT since 2012
  24. THAT TIME BTS WERE IN ISAC IN 2015 AND HE WAS EVERY MEMBER’S HYPE MAN 
  25. when he’s too lazy to wear contacts so he wears his thick black rimmed glasses :’(((((((((((
  26. that time he had a wardrobe malfunction and had his whole shirt ripped off during that dance break and he did the whole performance holding up the sorry remains of his shirt 
  27. the fact that kim namjoon invented dimples !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no really he did
  28. how he is literally incapable of doing a fan sign without making it a display of how much aegyo he can fit in any given span of time and then immediately be shy and embarrassed about it
  29. 6 feet tall, he is 6 feet tall also don’t forget that he is literally the eiffel tower because nothing is taller than 6 feet just sayin
  30. that amazing and blessed time he had silver hair and my heart literally exploded !!!!!!!!!!!
  31. HIS PRETTY PINK POUTY PLUSH PERFECT LIPS 
  32. that time bts was doing rainism and he was the only one who didn’t know all the moves and messed up but pulled it off confidently in the end
  33. he literally loves his mom so much i’m :’(((((((
  34. HIS ALL BLACK OUTFITS AND THE WAY HE LOOKS WHEN HE WEARS ALL BLACK AND THE WAY ALL BLACK LOOKS ON HIM AND -
  35. the fact that every time someone tells him to do a freestyle dance, it’s literally the same awkward robotic jerky dance with the failing arms and legs since 2013
  36. when he tries to sing even though the members laugh at him
  37. HE JUST WANTS TO CATCH CRABS FOR GOODNESS SAKE
  38. his cute soft pretty pink knees :’))))))))))
  39. in the fire era when he had that acorn haircut and pulled that shit off when will your fave ever
  40. he reads, he has an IQ of 148, he was the nation’s top 1% in 5 subjects in high school, he -
  41. his smile his beautiful glorious soft glowing stunning breathtaking smile that smile that you only have the privilege of seeing someone have one in a million times in your life, the kind of smile that could change the world
  42. the way he looks in a choker the way he looks in a choker the way he looks in a chok-
  43. okay !!!!!!!!!! but his cute squishy tiny nose so kissable n someone please bop it and pinch it and it’s soosososo cute 
  44. the way he gets his hands inky and dirty every single fan sign every single darn one !!!!!!!!!!!! why are they dirty? what is he doing ?????
  45. THE AUDACITY HE HAS TO WINK AND BITE LIPS AT CAMERAS THE SHEER AUDACITY
  46. the way his arms look in sleeveless tops his arms !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  47. the way he looks in snapbacks mmmmmmmmmmmm
  48. that time on running man when everyone was supposed to have as many boxes as possible and he literally got his box snatched from his hands and he tripped over nothing he’s the dorkiest softest boy -
  49. SAILORMON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  50. that time he wore the army khakis and outfit and i just ://////// oh my god
  51. his side profile his perfect gorgeous beautiful angelic side profile !!!!
  52. his obsession with ryan and how happy he got when jimin got him a ryan cake for his birthday fkdsfhgfd
  53. legs for days !!!!!!!!!!!!!
  54. that time namjoon was a minion for halloween 
  55. “I had to dance to survive in this cold, cruel world.”
  56. his cute outfit in the baepsae dance practice video :((((((((((
  57. he looks sosoososososo unbeliveably beautiful bare faced i just love him so much 
  58. that time during the hyyh prologue shooting when all the members were piling onto him and he yelled ‘MY BALLS, MAN’
  59. his fucnkgn !!!!!!!!!! puma photoshoot binch !!!!!!!!!!!
  60. the fact that he sang expensive girl and took the fact that he didn’t get a grammy for it like a man :///
  61. that time they won their first award in 2015 and he was cleARLY CRYING but denied it like “i’m not crying”
  62. THAT TIME HE LITERALLY DESCRIBED HIS ERECTION ON LIVE RADIO AIR IN ENGLISH 
  63. that one time !!!!!!!!!!!!!! bts had an outdoor performance and his white shirt got sososososooso sweaty it was basically stuck to him and see through if you don’t know what i’m talking about then goodbye
  64. those RARE times when he smiles and sticks his tongue out at the same time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  65. that time he was complaining about jungkook and the fruit flies and the weird as shit way he pronounced ‘vaccuum’
  66. his messy friendship with jackson 
  67. the fact that he apologized for the mistakes he has made in the past and made no excuses about them 
  68. award for having the world’s cutest and flattest tushy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  69. i don’t know if anyone noticed but the way he holds his fingers when he’s explaining something like he puts them in awkward bent angles and they’re really long and expressive i just looooovvveeeee
  70. that time he was doing a duet with this female singer for a show and he picked her up from the airport and held a sign with her name and got shy around her he’s the biggest gentleman DDDD:
  71. deep husky voice like shots of pure liquid gold sends shivers down my spine ://////////
  72.  KIM DAILY
  73. that time he held a tiny itty bitty baby frog on his index finger i dont know why it was so cute of him i just !!!
  74. sweaty namjoon when namjoon sweats the sweat namjoon produces 
  75. that time he tried to twerk but ‘something keeps dangling’
  76. when !!!!!!!!!! he wears tight pants and his thighs are almost bursting out of his pants jdfkkhkj
  77. the way he says ‘baby’
  78. EVERY ‘WHAT AM I TO YOU’ PERFORMANCE HE’S EVER DONE
  79. that time he was asked to pick between solo and bts and didn’t hesitate for a microsecond before saying bts
  80. THAT TIME NAMJOON DID THIS GUITAR ACOUSTIC WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND HE RAPPED SO SWEETLY MY HEART OVERFLOWED
  81. taught himself english by listening to 10 english dvds 10 times over 3 years 
  82. special thank you to every namjoon stylist who made him wear low cut shirts
  83. THE WAY HE LOOKS WEARING A MASSIVE HOODIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  84. ‘and i’m sexy like a porn star’
  85. accepts and settles for being the least popular bts member
  86. the way he looks when he wears headbands 
  87. when his sleeves are super long so he has sweater paws and his pretty fingers stick out slightly jdsfkshgkjfmncvb
  88. sub par body rolls that can still make you squirm and cry :////////
  89. once when he was the first in a lineup in a fan sign he told a fan ‘now you’ve practiced on me, you can do this in front of your real bias’
  90. got to write in “힙합하다 1” (‘This is Hip Hop 1: South Korea, Hip Hop and Life’) which is a hip hop book for 42 top korean hip hop artists
  91. THAT TINY MOLE BELOW HIS BOTTOM LIP THAT YOU CAN ONLY SEE IF HE SMILES REALLY WIDE
  92. the way he looks in a tie ohohohoohohoho my gosh !!!!!!!!!!!!!
  93. that time in the ariport the cameraman said ‘the girls love you guys’ and namjoon was like ‘thanks, we love you too’
  94. the way he wrote about the sunset in his diary when he went to dubai 
  95. HE HAS BENDY ARMS !!!!!!!!! NO REALLY I SWEAR THEY BEND BACKWARDS 
  96. he once told a fan ‘sorry’ when she told him she got him photocard
  97. he said that he wanted to know what it was like going to college and sometimes he feels like he missed out on that experience :///
  98. can you believe namjoon invented having pretty hands??????? Amazing
  99. he cares sosooso much about other people he’s always wondering how his fans are doing, what they feel like, always giving advice, always learning and growing, never stopping
  100. “I’m still existing, still breathing. Even though I keep looking forward and run, sometimes I still look back. The path in front and behind are still far, but even so, if the people who look at me are still dreaming and picking up their strengths, that alone makes me feel good. It’s okay to live this way, breaking down, getting hurt and looking back at the past. I will live. I am living like this. Me. Us.”