so i had to resort to that

Thoughts on Life and Death

When I was 25, my first close friend died. I was newly married, didn’t yet know I was pregnant (but would soon find out) and living without status beyond a visitor’s visa in Canada, thousands of miles from any friends of family. 


I had moved to the city some months before and, knowing no one, I reached out to my “extended family” of gamers. The person I connected with was Nigel Findley, another game industry freelancer who had made his bones and was considered quite the name to us in the business at the time. He adorably agreed to meet me for coffee (“I’ll wear my Shadow Run jacket so we don’t need to resort to any ‘I’ll be the one with the rose between my teeth nonsense’.”) and through him I was introduced to his extended family of gamers and the writers’ group that met near his home.


Aside from his girlfriend, I was the last person to see Nigel before he died. We’d been out, two couples, and they’d dropped us off with promises to get together for more such nights soon. Nigel suffered a massive heart attack the next morning while brushing his goddamn teeth. He was 35.


I’d never suffered such a loss before. I shamelessly called his house repeatedly, just to listen to his voice on the answering machine, after I got the news.


Shortly after his death, I learned about a Wraith story he’d written not long before. White Wolf, a company I contributed to founding, was riding high as tabletop industry big shots, and they’d started a fiction line with Stewart Wieck as editor. Nigel’s Wraith story appeared in the collection Death & Damnation.


For those of us who saw the story only after his death, it was a little spooky. It was clearly the most personal story he’d written, littered with a few more biographical elements than normal. The fact that it was a first-person account of a man who had recently died made it all the more unsettling. Reading the words of your recently, unexpectedly, deceased friend is even more unsettling when the text reads: “It’s not fair. It’s just not fucking fair. I’m 35 – thirty-fucking-five years old. Young. Too young for this shit. My father pushed himself as hard as I push myself – harder maybe. He didn’t have to slow down until he had his first heart attack at 55. If the world was fair, I’d have another 20 years of hard charging before I had to back off the throttle.”


I have a number of reasons for pondering this tonight. Last year was both amazing and a shit show, a true emotional roller coaster spiked with moments of glory and achievement but peppered with irreversible loss, grief, and sorrow. So far this year looks like it may be following the same path.


Love freely and with abandon, my dears. Support what you believe in the most, strive to create something…anything…that will outlive you, be there for each other and try, try, try. There’s not much else that matters.

Since I’m not like the cool kids that have a ton of awesome OC’s, I resort to drawing other people’s cool OC’s, specifically @les8ean‘s. 

I drew Llelewyn in a Zarya costume because I want them both to be my buff wife  I thought she’d look super cool in it. Even though my computer crashed 5+ times while doing this, I had so much fun! I might try to draw other people’s characters once I buy a new laptop.

effects of parental abuse

+ the inability or struggle to say “no”, because disobedience meant punishment and you are used to being directed all the time

+ being unable to emotionally relate with your family (especially parents, if they are the abuser). concurring thoughts of “i won’t care if THEY die”, or “they won’t care if I die”

+ always afraid/hesitant to confide in someone else about feelings or thoughts, because you are used to being neglected/dismissed when you talk about your feelings, constantly being replied with “get over it”. the consequence of this is that the emotions/feelings pile up inside over time and, when you reach the limit, you suddenly become self-destructive or imminently violent/emotional

+ however, when given the chance to CONFIDE about your feelings with freedom confidently, everything spills out, even if it’s with a stranger or with someone you have not been in contact for very long.

+ you always assume that the answer to every question/statement you say is “no”, even if you definitely know the person is very likely to say “yes”. you prepare for denial and disappointment and feel a huge wave of relief when they say “yes”.

+ being secretive about enjoyment/liking things, or being secretive in what you’ve done for the day, even if it’s not deemed “bad” or “illegal”.

+ simultaneously confused whether you have affection towards your parent(s) or you hate them whole-heartedly, despite knowing that they abuse you. the confusion stems from “well, they’re my parent, so i think they’re doing this because they love me”, though the thought is, of course, false

+ being scared that people will only take advantage of you, as your parents consequently thought of you as an object to benefit from, and not someone to love.

+ being easily attached to others, because you had no parental figure. this can lead you to being easily manipulated and you are very easily controlled. children under parental abuse are also more likely to have “chosen families”.

+ having an “escape plan” or “last resort” if you still live with your parents, just in case they do something worse to you, thinking up of elaborate plans to get out, how you’ll survive, where you’ll stay, etc.

+ being surprised learning that other parents are unlike your parents, and having to have someone/a source to tell you that what your parents are doing is abusive, and as a child you thought it was normal to be unhappy at home.

+ liking school or days out because that meant being away from your parents

+ developing emotional/personality disorders and distorted thinking

gather round tumblr it’s time for a story about why you shouldn’t solicit conversation with a stranger with a put down about their generation

i sat down about 30 minutes ago in the lobby of a very nice hotel, intending to do some writing. i have my laptop and my cellphone. as i settled, i checked some stuff on my phone, then turned to my laptop. because there aren’t many plugs, i’m sitting in a cluster of couches and instead of being by myself there’s an he’s an older gentleman across from me, polo shirt, salt and pepper hair. was very polite when i asked if he minded if i tucked myself in the corner of the couch

but apparently

apparently

he thinks computers are full of satan or something

because no sooner have i opened up goddamn word when he goes, “you kids and your electronics.”

ah, excellent, unsolicited conversation with a perfect stranger that comes with a critique of modern communication. fight me, bro, you got no idea who you’re tangling with. so naturally i push up my metaphorical sleeves (metaphorical because i’m in a goddamn resort and pavement is melting; i’m wearing a very nice goddamn dress and i’d look like a fucking soccer mom named helen if i had blonde hair) and very politely, i smash his face into the floor with “i’m sorry?” in an utterly flabbergasted tone because dude wtf and no one delivers slick put downs when they’re caught off guard

“i’m here reading my newspaper and after this my wife and i are going on a hike” (lol good luck with that dude the pavement is melting and you want to hike in the mountains) “and we’re going to interact with each other.” he gives my computer a v pointed look

naturally, i have the perfect response to this. it is pithy and eloquent and will surely put him in his place: “i… like to write, and it’s easier on a laptop?”

“it seems to me” (HERE WE GO) “that your generation” (OH GOOD) “is losing the ability to interact with other people.” (O OK) “my grandchildren never take their eyes off their cellphones anymore!” 

and here he pauses and looks at me. as if he expects me to agree. 

so i say “you were born in the 50s, right?” he says he was born in 59. “well, it seems to me that your generation is really fond of adultery, embezzlement, and corporate fraud, among other things, and i’m really enjoying paying for your retirement.”

i admit: i had this line canned after a little snarl i had with my mom the other night.

he stares at me. i stare back. 

“you also realize,” i say, quickly typing socrates kids these days quote into google, “that people have been saying kids these days since socrates said, and i quote, children now love luxury. they have bad manners. contempt for authority. they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” i look up at him. he’s staring at me still.

i’m shaking because man fuck confrontation but also how hilarious is this because i literally had a fight with my mom about this twelve hours ago. i literally have a cranky tweet about it. “so it seems to me that making sweeping generalizations about people based on pretty arbitrary age groupings is kind of ridiculous since i’m pretty sure you’re not cheating on your wife or stealing from your company.”

he goes beat red because now i’m embarrassed him, and i feel really fucking bad because i didn’t mean to embarrass him, but also hey dude fuck you

SO OF COURSE he says “did your parents teach you any manners?”

and there goes the last of my embarrassment because hey fuck you dude the only person who can insult my parents is fucking me. and i say, without even thinking because this is when you have the snappiest rejoinders, “well they did teach me not to open unsolicited conversation with a stranger by insulting them so.”

at this point the dude’s wife shows up and they leave, and the waiter asks me if i want anything to drink and i’m like “yes please give me all your vodka” but instead i say “ice water” because the pavement is melting and if i puke from nerves after that, i don’t want to snort alcohol out my nose

that’s it that’s my story

I’ve been toying with the idea for a long time that some of the things Yuuri says, especially in the first couple episodes, are not exactly the truth and should be looked into farther. Honestly, we knew Yuuri was unreliable the moment the show opened–he referred to himself as “dime-a-dozen,” when he is literally the only male skater certified by the JSF within canonverse. 

And he made it to the GPF, you know? He’s one of the top 6 skaters in the world, right off the bat! It took us a few episodes to understand Yuuri’s character to realize the context of these statements, but we figured out pretty early on that Yuuri is the embodiment of Unreliable Narrator™. Especially after ep10, jfc. 

Anyway, why I’m bringing this up is because Kubo seemed to confirm a little theory of mine I’ve had stewing for a while and I wanted to share it with you.

So. Episode 1. The commemorative photo scene. 

I wanna first establish that this scene took place before the banquet. During the series run, sometime just afterwards, and occasionally even now there’s debate over when that scene took place. It wouldn’t make sense to happen after the banquet because they’re not only still wearing the team jackets, but they’re also wearing passes

The outside sign has information about the competition 

and Victor is talking to Yuri about his routines

which he probably wouldn’t do if it was up to a day later. 

We know how the rest of the scene goes. Victor seems to not recognize Yuuri at all, mistakes him for a fan, asks if he wants a photo, and then Yuuri leaves, thoroughly humiliated. Or, at least, that’s Yuuri’s version of what happened. I think generally everything that was said got said, all the movements and series of events were the same, but the implications of the offer were different. 

I have multiple anxiety disorders. When I remember something that I felt was a misstep or caused embarrassment, I always remember it slightly off. A person’s tone is more mocking or condescending, my reaction is worse than it was. There’s a lot of shame when it comes to anxiety and your mind immediately assumes you’re viewed to be–and are–on a lower pedestal than everyone else. Yuuri, clearly, has severe anxiety, so I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to think that, since this is from his perspective, maybe reality is a bit different than what he is able to give us. 

Anyway, my thoughts had no basis, so I’ve kept them to myself, but then Kubo came out and said this:

and then the fanbase lit up in flames because Victor know Yuuri was a fan before the banquet. But this also implies one thing I got super excited about: Victor has seen him skate, before the commemorative photo scene. 

meaning that everyone’s preconception that Victor mistook Yuuri for a fan has been completely blown out of the water. 

So, why would Victor ask him about a photo then? 

I think it’s important to keep in mind that Victor likes to make people feel good about their abilities. He likes teaching others, and he likes motivating them too. He gets pleasure out of seeing people rise to their potential. 

Although he’s flighty and kind of an airhead, and tends to ignore what he doesn’t find interesting, I don’t think Victor would ignore the scorings or the competitors landing below 3rd place. Victor clearly knew that Yuuri fell to last place, hard. This is just speculation, but maybe Yuri mentioned to Victor the incident with Yuuri crying in the bathroom. Or, perhaps Victor had already seen the press about Yuuri: he’s notorious for losing his nerve during competitions and failing to meet his potential. When Yuuri goes down, he tends to crash and burn. 

(also honda’s words imply yuuri usually performs very well)

Victor likes making people happy and better versions of themselves. Now he’s faced with the competitor who fell to last place, staring at him a few feet away. A competitor who is known for his anxiety and tendency to shy away from others. A competitor who just so happens to be a fan. So, what is Victor to do to help Yuuri feel better, or even open up a bit?

Initiate conversation. Try to reel him in to interacting with an open, non-threatening question and a tried-and-true welcoming smile. 

“Commemorative Photo?”

Victor didn’t mistake Yuuri for a non-competing fan, he knew who Yuuri was and was just trying his best to make Yuuri feel better. Victor, as we’ve seen throughout the series, resorts to giving comfort through action rather than words first and foremost. Unfortunately for him, this is not what Yuuri needs. 

It backfired. But I think Victor had good intentions. They were strangers so it’s not like Victor could just walk up and start a motivating speech. He tried to invite Yuuri to talk to him, someone Yuuri looked up to, and maybe they could talk and Victor could brighten his day? 

Victor wasn’t very tactile, and Yuuri didn’t stand his ground and identify himself, so they got nowhere with that. 

I’m so glad Kubo said this. This face looks like a combination of surprise and disappointment, perhaps not only in Yuuri rejecting him but also in himself for not being able to help.

and this face 

looks more concerned and surprised that Yuuri showed rather than like “oh shit, he’s a competitor.”

Poor Yuuri. Poor Victor. They really need to communicate better. 

3

Okay so I had this vivid dream…

David Duchovny was explaining in a behind-the-scenes video that there was this thing in season 1 called The Scully Bomb where as a last resort, Mulder would throw Scully at a suspect and quote, “hope for the best.” Fox made them cut all scenes where this happened though, and then Gillian Anderson cut in saying, “If you see any scenes where my hair is out of place for no reason, that’d be because of David throwing me.”

I want to believe this actually happened

Be a d*ck to your freelancer? I'll have your job.

(warning: long story)

Backstory:

This happened about 3 years ago. I was still in college for digital marketing (like advertising and graphic design). Since I had no time to work even a part time job, I would do some freelance graphic design in the little time I had. Mainly in the later hours of the night, I would still answer emails during the day though. It was good money, a couple hundred here and there, but it wasn’t enough. The company that ran the cafeteria in my school went through bankruptcy and I was taken off our 21-meals-a-week plan. I had to resort to putting (very) small ads in the newspaper and started looking for more jobs online rather than posting a listing on Craigslist as I previously had. I got a few good jobs, everything seemed great at this point.

Then the fatal night happened. I received an email at about 10:45 at night. It was mid-week so it was a bit odd for someone to be emailing me this late, especially since I had school the next day and they probably had work. Right off the bat I had a sketchy feeling about this, as the subject was “I need an ad made” and the message was “Ok?”. As per usual, I respond right away asking for more details. He said he had ran a custom shower company and he wants me to Photoshop a picture, add text and then format it for billboard printing.

He sends me the image and it’s a “custom” shower with two shower heads that are on. He wants me to remove one of the heads. I tell him that it will be difficult due to the fact the streams are crossing. He replies with “So? Just f*cking do it.” I finish the ad for him and I’m about to watermark it so I can send him a final copy then request payment. Then I realize that it’s already f*cking watermarked, faintly in the corner by another shower company, and it doesn’t match his. This douchebag motherf*cker stole a picture from another local company.

I tell him that I won’t do the ad because he’s using a copyrighted picture, and that I can replace it and keep the text. He “rages” and claims that he took the photo with his phone earlier that week. At this point I have better things to be doing, so I block his emails, as they were getting to be harassment.

Fast forward two weeks.

I get a call from an unknown number saying that I f*cked up and that he just paid another designer “big bucks” for the same job. These calls continue over the next week and I just start ignoring them.

Here’s where something magical happens. He starts texting me, but it’s with his actual f*cking number. I think he tried to *67 me, but it doesn’t work through texting. This will come back to bite him in the ass when we get to the revenge part.

Here’s where the revenge comes in:

After the semester ends, I decide to drive around 2 hours to visit my parents for the week I have between the semesters. While I’m driving on the freeway I see something familiar. It’s the photo the guy wanted me to make into an ad for him on a billboard. Then I realize that the ad on the billboard is for HIS F*CKING COMPANY, although he clearly didn’t hire another designer. It looks as if he made it in MSPaint. I get off at the next exit so I can get a few pictures and write down the location.

When I get back from my parents’ house, I immediately start up my computer and try to get into contact with the company who owns the photo. I send them the pictures and location along with his emails. They thank me and I happily go to bed.

Fast forward a month.

I get a call on a Saturday morning saying that the company who owns the photo needed me to come in to their offices to discuss a few things. Turns out that they ended up filing a lawsuit over the copyright issue as he still claimed it to be his photo.

The judge told me while I was in court (as a witness) that I would be able to file for harassment and get a restraining order. Normally I wouldn’t care, but the harassment would go on his record.

Because of all the legal fees, his company went under. I later found out that he tried to start up another company of similar sorts but he would have to tell his employees of his harassment charge. That company went under as well because he couldn’t find anyone to work for him.

Get f*cked.

the-wonderpegs-agenda  asked:

"Accidentally capture the wrong base"? .....tell us more? Please?

this was before we got agent agent back as our handler, and part of the reason why he finally turned up for work again. 

so the thing about clint is that hes 1. not a good listener and 2. hes deaf. mostly. these are separate issues because being mostly deaf doesnt stop him from understanding what people are saying most of the time, it just means that you have to be sure he knows youre trying to communicate with him before you say something. (and also that you should make sure your mask doesnt cover your mouth so he can lipread, but whatever.)

we had this agent—incredibly boring guy in the worst sort of way–who’d requested clint, nat, and i for an op. nat and i were supposed to hit two of the leaders of a crime syndicate while clint got the third. easy peasy, kill some guys, free some hostages, small country liberated, total cakewalk. but the agent running the op and the briefing took FOREVER. he was talking us through like none of us had ever overthrown a country before, explaining every minute detail. nat and i could just kinda zone out and let things wash over us, picking up the pertinent details, but clint cant really do that. his hearing aids help but they weren’t perfect, so he also had to be kinda lipreading just to keep up. which takes a lot of focus for incredibly boring info. naturally he zoned out too.

which was how he missed the fact that his guy was not actually staying in his incredibly fortified base-slash-villa. his hostages were, but he wasn’t. 

luckily, they covered this in the briefing packet we were each provided with, which was a mere 362 pages. 

so obviously none of us actually read it.

we poked through, got blueprints, guard schedules, alarm systems and so on, but didnt bother with most of the rest of it. 

they dropped us in the air over each of our respective targets, clint last. i had the cliffside resort, nat had the downtown headquarters, and clint had the base-villa. nat and i handled ours like pros, of course, corpses everywhere, and clint did too–mowed right through the security, got the hostages, and then called in that his syndicate leader wasnt there, what the hell, who gave me this bad intel.

which was when he was informed that the big bad wasnt IN the villa, he was on the ISLAND ACROSS from the villa, and that hed been supposed to covertly infiltrate the beach house there and quietly capture him. ideally without ever setting foot in the villa; he was just supposed to steal a boat from the villa docks and not get spotted by security. 

unfortunately, clint had blown up all the watercraft at the villa’s docks to keep syndicate members from escaping. which meant he still had to get to the island and capture this guy, but now there were no motorboats left. and if this syndicate jerkoff got away, fury was gonna have his hide.

and thats how clint wound up launching a one-man amphibious assault on an international crime syndicate from a paddleboat.

and also why clint reads his briefings now. 

I just… really like the idea of Zuko’s broadswords.

Better people than I have written essays on how Zuko’s use of dual swords reflects on his own duality of good and evil. But like on a character and canon level, the fact that Zuko uses swords is very important to me.

It’s implied throughout the series that benders are prioritized over non-benders (though I’ll admit the gap is much smaller than in other nations). I think it may have been a fanfic that stated that it was almost shameful for a firebender to use weapons, that it was a sign of weakness in the fact that their bending isn’t strong enough that they needed to rely on something else.

Zuko is a firebender and not just any firebender but a royal firebender from a long line of scary talented benders. From the start, he had a great many expectations put on him which he consistently failed to meet. Azula was the prodigy he was average at best and constantly made aware of his shortcomings. We see in Zuko Alone that he had a fascination with blades as a boy (Iroh’s knife). Wherever that interest came from, it was his. Something apart from his Father’s unrealistic expectations and something he could do on his own.

Because Zuko can see that he’s far behind Azula in terms of firebending and it must be so frustrating to be constantly trying and failing. And so maybe at that point he begins to develop his love of swords. Comics stated he trained with Piandao but I can see Zuko taking it beyond any mandatory royal training and just falling in love with the motion and balance of sword fighting. Because it’s something he finds he’s good at, something Azula can’t do. Shameful or not, he knows he’ll never be as good a bender as she is, but he can wield those swords. It makes me smile to think of pre-teen Zuko, in the years following his mother’s disappearance, practicing his swordplay in secret. Using that time to forget all the ways he’s messed up and focusing on something he’s good at. And considering how good Zuko is by the main series, he put a LOT of time and effort into training.

It gets deeper as we think of Zuko using those skills to free Aang as the Blue Spirit. He used sneaky tactics and skills he shouldn’t have to commit treason against the Fire Nation. A Firebender doesn’t fight with swords, but a Firebender also shouldn’t be freeing the Avatar. I feel like Zuko was disassociating heavily during that break-out in order to get the job done, trying to justify that the person doing these treasonous things wasn’t him… when in fact, the Blue Spirit was probably more in line with Zuko’s true personality: rough but with good, noble intentions, quiet not brash, non-confrontational; would rather sneak around than openly harm.

And when Zuko is turned into a fugitive in Book 2 and was forced to hide within the Earth Kingdom those swords, for the first time in his life, became more than a secret hobby, it became his chance for survival. He couldn’t out himself as a bender so he had to rely on his swords to get through the Earth Kingdom. I think it’s also telling he lost his fancy FN blade at the North Pole and had to resort to stolen Earth Kingdom blade. And imagine how he felt to be respected for his blade skills? Teaching Lee how to fight with swords in the middle of the night was so important for Zuko’s development. Patiently talking the eager boy through the stances and philosophy of dual swords, encouraging him. When Zuko offers Iroh’s blade to him, what may have initially started Zuko’s interest, he’s telling Lee it’s okay to pursue this, this is a good thing. Which… obviously didn’t work out but man that’s something big for Zuko.  

Then Zuko openly wearing his swords in Ba Sing Se and using them to defend himself against Jet could be seen as Zuko reconnecting with who he is, instead of hiding it. This metaphor of Zuko’s swords representing his true self continues if you think of how, when he returns to the Fire Nation, we never see his swords. At all. I can’t think of one episode where they appear when he’s living at the palace except, oh, that one time where Zuko faced his father and took back his loyal, his destiny and himself. The final half of season three, Zuko is hardly seen without his swords. They’re always at his back, ready to be used to supplement his firebending or whatever. Zuko has opened up to himself, accepted who he is, and wears his swords and his swordsmanship proudly

TL;DR- The fact that Zuko, a Firebender, trained himself is swords tells us about a childhood of being second best and his blades was something for him to enjoy on his own, one skill he could succeed at. It also becomes a symbol of his true self, of when he hides it and when he allows it to shine.

Levi Ackerman: The Abuse Claim

Alright, so here I am with another long ass meta post. Only this time, this one is directed solely at the legend, Levi Ackerman himself. Yet again, I am seeing the “Levi is Abusive” mumbo jumbo and I have spent my two years in this fandom quiet about my opinions on this for the most part because I do not enjoy drama. However, after this last batch of Discourse™ that I have seen, I have been pushed beyond my ability to bite my tongue. 

This is Part One to a two part meta, and this is me basically trying to shine light on Levi’s actions a bit and why he behaves the way he does. In no way do I try to justify all of the shit he carries out so don’t think this is just a fangirl squeal post. I’m simply trying to better explain his character for the people who seem to think he is some kind of rage beast who beats kids for fun in his spare time. 

I will be putting this under a Read More because it is extremely long and also contains spoilers. I’d also like to state that this would be best read from a computer or the mobile website as it contains a metric fuckton of manga panels used for reference (seriously use any other means outside of the mobile app to read this because the app will butcher this post and cut out a majority of the images). If you are sitting down to read this, please make sure you are comfy, cozy, and drinking a nice warm beverage. Now then, 

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, good for you! That’s your prerogative. However, If you are going to send me messages trying to argue points of view with me or send me hate messages because my opinion differs from your own; do us both a favor and just don’t even bother. WARNING: Major spoilers ahead.

First and foremost, this is the scene I see brought up the absolute most so I’d like to go ahead and address it first:

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

"When girls and women are taught self defence (and I mean literally taught. Most women have had at least one class in school on it) we are taught that hitting is the absolute LAST resort. Realistically? If a man has actually punched us? 90%+ of women are fucked already. There is no defence against someone stronger than you hitting you." So can a woman who gets punched can actually defend herself or not?

Women aren’t made of porcelain.

We’re not some separate species, or utterly different physically from men. The concept of “woman” is a societal one. It changes based on socialization, and changes based on the society’s belief on what a woman is. It’s a nebulous concept, with no solid value when hitching one’s identity to it and the same is true for men. Societal constructs like masculinity and femininity are linked heavily to societal expectations and how we’re raised. When someone says, “a woman can’t” when a “man can” most of the time they’re referring to societal expectations taken as fact. These beliefs often have nothing to do with reality, and you only have to look at the vast differences in the United States when it comes to stereotyping women of different ethnicity, various cultures, or income levels just to see how shallow those ideas are.

There are female soldiers, female police officers, female martial artists of every stripe, and the warriors are countless going back generations. You can, in fact, find them if you look. This is before we get to athletes and all the other non-combat positions women occupy today that society said, “impossible!” just a few decades ago.

This is why understanding the effects of socialization is so important. When it comes to learning, what you believe will decide what you are.

Here’s the truth: no one takes a punch well when they’re mentally unprepared for it.

Here’s the other: most people (men included) aren’t trained to take hits.

Notice that you’re instructor told you, “Don’t piss off men. You’re helpless if they decide to physically assault you.”

They did not teach you what it looks like when a punch is incoming, or what the change over looks like. Good self-defense teaches you to be aware of your surroundings and learn to determine when danger is potentially incoming. You can’t respond when you don’t know its coming, and you can’t prepare for it, physically or mentally, when taken by surprise. The first moments of a real fight are crucial. Those seconds it takes to recognize danger and react to it when you’re already in the middle of being hit is too late. You’ve lost the initiative, you’re playing catch up, and that’s a terrible position to be in when you’re trained. It’s pretty much almost always unrecoverable if you’re not.

It has nothing to do with being a man, and its disingenuous from a self-defense perspective to focus entirely on them. While far more likely, men are not the only ones who can or will hit you. Women aren’t any safer, and can be just as predatory.

The problem with these self-defense classes is if you’re really serious about learning to defend yourself then you need to train for it. Good professionals worth their salt will always tell you that you need to be training in some martial art, and practicing the techniques you learned in your self-defense course constantly so that they become embedded in your muscle memory.

When I was forced into one these high school self-defense courses, my seventeen year old martial artist self thought they were stupid and overall pretty pointless, and they didn’t come at us with any of the above bullshit about getting punched. Girls who’ve done an hour of self-defense five years ago aren’t going to be able to perform jiujutsu throws, they’ll be lucky if they remember the bear hug escapes or how to roll the wrist against the thumb and tug if someone tries to take you were you don’t want to go (and then not know what to do once they’ve gotten free because they never practice running). Forget punching, they won’t remember how to do that.

If you aren’t practicing to the point where it becomes second nature, with the added benefit of learning self-defense techniques that are exceedingly easy to memorize (believe it or not, not all self-defense programs will teach these), and doesn’t come with the caveat that if you’re serious you need more education then they’re pretty worthless.

All your class seems to have taught you is how to be a willing victim, and that’s the worst kind of self defense.

“If someone attacks you, you can do nothing so just give up.”

That’s tantamount to admitting that they didn’t really teach you anything, and don’t want you to think they did. You’re not even in exactly the same place you were before you took that class. Mentally, you’re worse off.

If you don’t believe you can, then you won’t and it’s simple as that.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that when it comes to self-defense, you get what you pay for.

Taught is not not taught, the vast majority of high schools don’t have classes. They have one hour a year (maybe) devoted to it (usually P.E.), and sometimes its not even required. If you’re lucky, it’s a seminar of a few days. If you’re really lucky, they’ll bring in one of the female (or male) police officers from a local precinct who specializes in the police’s self-defense training they give the public. However, you are not guaranteed to have a professional, or even just a local officer. Often, it’s just the PE teacher who took a three month course. What girls get in high school depends heavily on what waivers the school is willing to sign and how much liability they’re willing to take on. It also depends on who is doing the hiring, who they are hiring, and whether they actually care.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of people out there who think women don’t need to learn self-defense and don’t want to waste the school’s already limited resources on hiring someone for a few hours. Especially when you can’t learn much self-defense in a few hours, and almost none of it is lasting.

If you’re from a country other than America, it might be different, but if you’re referring American education then its important to remember you’re experiences (whatever they were) aren’t universal. No, really. Education varies heavily from district to district, and can be vastly different within single cities depending on where you live, this is before we get to county versus county, and that’s before we get to the differences between the states. In America, public education heavily dependent on money and property values. The higher the house value, the richer the district, then the better the education. Its important to know, that when it comes to education, segregation is economic. America and Americans have no real true standard for education or education value. What you get depends on where you live, and often on parental involvement.

You can’t learn self-defense in an hour or two. You will be fucked up by shitty instructors, sexist instructors, and negligent instructors. If you are not doing your own research and taking control of learning to defend yourself then you are likely to get one of the above. If you look at self-defense as all being the same, that combat is an innate skill set possessed by only one side of the human species, if you honestly believe on some level you are inferior to men (and if you’re young, white, female, and WASP, you better believe you’ve been conditioned by society at large to see yourself that way) and that there’s no point in even trying, you will be fucked.

Combat is a learned skill.

It is not innate. You have to learn it. It is not inherently masculine. If you are a woman learning to fight, you’re not actually all that special or standout. There are plenty of women out there learning to fight. However, you’ve got to go looking for it. It won’t be handed to you.

One of the most empowering aspects in learning to fight is taking control of your own safety. You are no longer reliant on the charity or uncertainty of those around you, and that certainty will drive off most predators. Predators don’t want a real fight, they aren’t looking. 9/10, they want victims who are vulnerable and go down easy. So, whether you’re male or female, and you’re worried about your safety then head to your local police precinct, find a seminar, and that’ll point you toward freedom.

So, TLDR:

Women can take punches but not if they’re not prepared for it and whoever was teaching you is a shithead.

Don’t let their idiocy turn you into a willing victim.

This post is a public service announcement, not martial arts training.

Go get some.

-Michi

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So this weekend I may have saved a little girl from a pedophile

So this weekend I was at a water park with my finance. I am on a lot of medication and overheat easily, and the park was almost empty so I would hang out in the wave pool to cool down while my fiancee went on the slides because I didnt want to slow him down but had to regulate my body temperature between slides.

In the pool I noticed a little girl, 6-9 years old, maybe. She was going up to adults and depending on their gender saying either “mommy” or “daddy” and climbing on them/being very physically affectionate (hugging, cheek-kissing). At first I thought these adults were family members but I noticed they all eventually abandoned the girl and went off with their own children. Eventually she came up to me and called me “Mommy” and the waves were going heavy so I thought at first that maybe she was confused/afraid/disoriented so I let her climb on me piggyback and held her above the waves and started to ask her where her mom was, if she needed my help getting back to her mom (in case the waves were making it hard for her to swim or disorienting her) and she told me “my mommy isnt here, you’re my mommy now” and i let her sit on my shoulders until the waves passed and another little girl called her over to play. I thought they were maybe together but realized they weren’t once they split up, so i watched her for a cycle or two before my boyfriend finished with the slide he was on and i asked him to keep an eye on her while I alerted some lifeguards because I was concerned for her safety/worried some perv would hurt her or try to leave with her. The lifeguards went to find her mom and I kept watching the girl from across the pool. Most adults reacted like I did, sort of alarmed and looking around for her parents but for some reason most of them just let her go without looking for her parents. Eventually she went up to a man who reacted in a way that appeared familiar, I thought he way maybe her parent but he started looking around the pool in a suspicious way. So i sort of walked over to them and the girl recognized me and immediately said “Mommy! I found daddy!” And the guy way too quick was like “Im her father.” And I was like “No, you’re not.”

I called a lifeguard over and over the radio we were told that her mother was located passed-out drunk in a room with her infant brother so I started screaming and pointing at the guy telling the lifeguard that hed tried to claim the little girl and they cleared the wave pool and I had to talk to the cops and shit but I guess the moral of the story is if you see something, SAY SOMETHING, because that pervert literally could have walked out of the water park and into the resort and hurt this little girl and she must have interacted with 10-15 adults other than me who just decided this kid wasnt their problem.

kitchen sink

James Potter to all children grow up except four: so if i’m john lennon

James Potter: then sirius is ringo starr

James Potter: remus is paul mccartney

James Potter: and pete can be pete best

Peter Pettigrew: ok

Remus Lupin: i can deal with that

Sirius Black: i heard ringo starr was a massive dick

James Potter: exactly my point

Sirius Black: blocked


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Not So Picture Perfect || Kian Lawley Imagine (Requested)

“Literally all I want to do is go home. I really don’t want to be here,” I told Callie as I worked on the gym elliptical.

“What, why? You love the gym. What’s wrong?”

“Kian flies out with Jc and Dom today for the second half of the tour and won’t be back for 3 weeks.”

“Okay, I know you love him, but it’s only 3 ½ weeks. They will fly by, especially with Maya’s birthday party and Ricky’s “I Hit One Million” Bash.”

Even though I hate to admit it, she was right. It’s just 3 lousy weeks and with the technology we have today, it will be like he never left. 

“Fuck, you’re right. Did you know I hate that about you?”

“Yeah and I love you too, beyotch. Call me later, okay?”

“Alright, bye.”

I finished my 90 minute workout and headed home to see Kian for the last few hours. I grabbed my gym bag and unlocked the door to see Kian’s suitcases against the wall. I let out a sigh and called out to him.

“I’ll be there in a sec!” he yelled back. When he came into my view, I saw that he was on the phone.

“Yeah, Dude. I’ll be there in about an hour. Okay. Bye”

I gave him a confused look,”I thought your flight was at 10 tonight.”

“It was, but there was a screw up with the airline and our flight is 4:40 now.” I looked at the clock behind him and it read 1:27 pm.

“So that means you have to leave now,” I said defeated.

“Yeah, I’m sorry Baby.”

“No it’s fine, it’s not your fault. Did you need me to drive you?”

“I don’t need you to, but I definitely want you to,” he said as he embraced me. 

I helped him load his bags into the car and hopped in. I couldn’t help but think that i wouldn’t have moments like this for 3 fucking weeks. I hated it, but Kian loves his fans and would do anything for them. I would never stand between that.

After what seemed like the shortest ride in history, we pulled up to his terminal. Jc and Dom were already out there waiting for us and I helped unload Kian’s things. We stood there for what felt like forever, just holding each other.

“Ugh, ew! Come on already, Vitaly’s inside!” JC whined beside us. Kian and I decided to gross him out even more and started tongue battling each other.

“God! Didn’t you guys do enough of that before he left?!” asked Dom.

“We actually didn’t,” I said to Kian, looking kind of amused. 

“Well this is going to be one uncomfortable flight,” he joked.

“Speaking of flight, we gotta catch ours!” JC said.

“Fuuuck, I don’t want you to leave.”

“I know, but I’ll be back soon, okay.”

“Okay, have fun.”

“I will, I’ll call you when we land,” he said running into the airport.

“I’ll be waiting,” I said to myself.

When I arrived back to our place I was finally able to take a well needed shower. When I was done, I ordered food off of Postmates and caught up on ‘Are You The One?’ I really hated being here without Kian, but I had to remind myself that I did it during the first half and was (somewhat) fine.

My phone started to ring and I got excited when I saw that it was Kian calling.

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Baby. How are you?”

“Lonely. How was the flight?”

“Pretty good. Some kid threw up though, which made Dom almost throw up.”

“Ew, but kinda awesome, haha.” Our conversation didn’t last long due to the fact that he had a long day tomorrow and it was late where he was.

I decided that it was time for me to go to bed as well and try to not be so bleh.

The next few days were getting easier and easier. Almost two weeks have already passed and Maya’s birthday party was a great distraction. I hear from Kian every night and every night I miss him more. Tonight is Ricky’s bash and I’m really excited. I took me like 4 hours to get ready, but I was almost done. I was applying the last bit of makeup when my phone buzzed. 

I heard Callie come in and we naturally had to capture this moment. 

That night was complete blast. I can’t stress how proud I am of Ricky T for reaching over one million youtube subscribers. Callie and I finally got back to my place and I was about to take a shower when my phone started to ring.

“Hey, I saw your Snap. You look beautiful, how was the party?”

“It was really fun, but tiring. How’s the tour going?”

“It’s good! The fans are amazing, the closer I get to coming home, the more anxious I get to be with you.”

“*Sigh* I can’t wait for you to come back.”

“I know me either, but I’ll let you get some rest and I’ll do the same. Sweet dreams, Babe.”

“You too, Kian. Good night.”

The next few days were quite boring, but Kian comes home in a little over a week and I’m so happy! I had been trying to reach him for the last few hours now, but he wasn’t picking up. I finally gave up on him and tried calling JC, but it was too loud to hold a conversation. My last resort was Vitaly who evidently was asleep and didn’t know anything.

I realized that this was the first night Kian hadn’t called me and I got a sort of uneasy feeling in my stomach. I quickly shook it off and decided to go to bed. 

It was about 7:15 am when I was woken up by the constant vibration of my phone. After about 2 solid minutes, I groggily turn over and check what it is. I see that it is a bunch of Twitter notifications and I decided to open them. I see an assload of pictures of Jc with some random girl wither ass out, but that’s when I see it.

“What the fuck?” I say to myself as I read the tweets. I feel my heart drop as I see my boyfriend cradling another girl’s ass. I immediately decide to call him and of course it goes straight to voicemail. 

Over the course of the next 9 days, I didn’t leave the house. Ricky and Callie came over to keep me company, but I just wanted to be alone. Kian tried calling every 5 minutes, except when he was on stage, but I ignored all of them. Even the rest of the boys were trying to contact me, but I only talked to Vitally since he wasn’t there that night. He tried to get me to talk about it, but knowing that he would relay it all to Kian, I just changed the subject. 

So many people were talking about what happened, even Kian’s ex Andrea. All I could do at this point is cry and look at old photos of Kian and I. 

Kian comes back tomorrow and I had to make a hasty decision. I was in the middle of my thoughts when my phone vibrated over and over again. I thought I shut that fucker off. I go look at it and I see it is the man of the hour once again.

I can’t help but smile a little bit as I cry even harder now. Is it worth letting go? Is it worth staying? Then he said it. 

Those words made my decision so much easier.

Fairy Tail 522-523 Gray and Gruvia Thoughts (Spoilers)

I debated whether or not to post my thoughts since I’m super tired. But since it’s quite a hard chapter for Gruvia shippers I decided to add my small cents. 

When I read the chapter I was pissed then very sad because I remember Gray promising Juvia an answer after the war, thus giving her and us hope, while knowing what his trump card was. This can easily be taken as a screw you to be honest. And that he never really was going to offer Juvia a future. I re-read these chapters tons of times and even went to read 453 again to find some solace. Why? Because Gray was shown genuinely happy when he was thanking Juvia. When he asked her to let him focus. There is no way Gray was leading a woman, who he knows loves him so much, to just be a jerk. Nope, that is not who Gray Fullbuster is. So then what the hell happened?

This happened:

Yup, this is true. He tried to kill his friends, both Juvia and Natsu. He also injured Erza when she tried to stop them. And if you’re questioning how this trauma has affected him well here you go:

He feels he has lost the right to be part of his family. For so long he has had the weight of those who sacrificed for him. He has felt unworthy and even tried to kill himself. But he decided against it for his loved ones. But this time he was the one causing the hurt. He was so pissed that he was willing to kill Natsu. He hurt Juvia physically even if it was against his will. It was his body, his mind that was controlled. And in his mind he thinks he doesn’t deserve to be with them and maybe even loved/cared for.  So what can he offer instead of the pain he feels his existence causes? Well he thinks its peace and for Natsu, his best friend, a chance to live:

If you look at his expression he is content because he truly believes what he is doing is for the best to protect his friends. This time he was going to go through with it because he found a way to save everybody while sparing the pain his sacrifice would cause. He loves his friends so much and seeing how he hurt them was the final straw:

Poor Gray, not so long ago he was telling Lyon how far he has grown to only be slapped with reality when tested. Gray might have beat Invel’s ass but the winner was Invel if you think about it. He messed with his mind enough to break him by going after two of his most precious people: Juvia and Natsu.

Back to 453, I think when Gray promised Juvia his answer he meant it. Yes he knew of his trump card but it was more of a last resort he didn’t think he had to use.  Here is the crunchyroll translation:

He says he has a secret plan. It could be his trump card or not.  Then he adds both Zeref and END. It seems to me he wanted to fight two enemies not just one. Unless his plan was to get them both in the same location to perform iced shell don’t know how he would have gone after the other if he was non-existent. Another interesting thing is Gray was set on destroying/killing not sealing. And as Zeref stated he wasn’t going to kill him; only temporary stop him. Another thing to consider, he was with Juvia up till the battle with Invel. Do you honestly think he would have kept/let Juvia by his side to watch him end his life. Nope, he isn’t cruel.

Again this seems more like Gray’s desperate measure to protect thanks to what he has gone through during the war. This wasn’t plan A. Just like Juvia who learned blood make. She learned it in case something were to happen to Gray. It was a last resort for her as this iced shell was for him:

This chapter tells me Gray is still in need of help. He needed Natsu punching and begging him to live. He needs someone to love him more than he does himself. But more importantly he needs someone to help him forgive himself. This is where Juvia will come in. She will be his rock just like when he cried on her. In case you haven’t noticed Juvia wasn’t anywhere near. Coincidence? Hecks no! Mashima purposely left her out for a reason. Gray could never hurt Juvia so for this angst to happen she needed to be out of the picture.  I doubt we’ll get Gruvia anytime soon but when we do it will be emotional. 

JOURNAL 3 BLACKLIGHT EDITION REVEALED! (Part 1)

Today’s a special day! Today is not only Father’s Day, but Alex and Ariel Hirsch’s birthday! Let’s celebrate by cracking open your copy of Journal 3, prepping your blacklight and invisible ink pens, and jotting down everything here in the special edition so you can have a copy for yourself without resorting to eBay or shady second-hand Craigslist deals!

I was lucky number 02149 to get a copy of the special edition of Journal 3. Well, lucky as in “I could afford to buy it and pre-ordered it back in March the exact day I heard about it going on sale.” Still, I am PSYCHED to share this with everyone! Admittedly I didn’t take photos of every single page – only the ones with black-light effects that were more than ink spatters. Some I had to take [kinda big] pictures of individually, to be able to read the text properly, and others were multi-page spreads that I couldn’t resist capturing in their beautiful glowy glory.

Of course I’ll be captioning them all for you, in case you can’t download/read them. Also, there’s a few secret codes in here! But did you really expect anything less? Also also, this is a 9 page word document (not counting pics), so I’m splitting it up into 3 parts. Especially considering the size of these pictures. 

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Thank you for 9,000 followers! Here’s a ficlet about Mari being protective of her little brother.


“Hopefully you can help me,” said the man on the phone with the funny accent. “My name is Victor Nikiforov, and I’m looking for Yuuri Katsuki. He said his family owns a hot springs resort, so I looked up the phone number on the internet. Can you tell me if I have the right place?”

Mari almost hung up immediately without offering a response. Ever since Yuuri had inadvertently become a viral video star after performing one of Victor Nikiforov’s routines, the onsen had gotten more than a few prank calls. One person had pretended to be a reporter but had instead turned out to be one of Victor’s crazy fans. Apparently this new caller wanted Mari to believe he was Victor Nikiforov himself.

Yeah, right.

“Yuuri’s my brother,” she said, a little heat in her tone.

“Oh, great!” the prankster said. “Could I speak with him please?”

Mari rolled her eyes. Was that supposed to be a real Russian accent? This guy’s impression of Victor was pathetic.

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