so i feel less crazy

if you ever need proof of the existence of God, spend time with Him every day and after a while, ignore Him, and see how you feel. you’re a liar if you say you don’t feel a longing, emptiness, with out Him.

Charlie Matheson |

The wound is the place where the Light enters you.

― Rumi

I keep seeing funny Ides of March things on my dash and I kind of laugh but then I actually get really sad?  YES I KNOW IT WAS 2000 YEARS AGO THE PAIN IS STILL REAL

HE WAS SO YOUNG

OKAY HE WAS 56 BUT CONSIDERING HIS SUPERHUMAN LEVELS OF PRODUCTIVITY HE COULD STILL HAVE DONE SO MUCH.  WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY

Confession time, I am not a reliable historian on this I love Caesar way too fucking much.  He had flaws.  Many many many flaws.  He was a proud, ruthless man who could be selfish and cruel when it suited him and he dragged Rome into a messy war that cost thousands of lives (though I don’t put the blame for that solely on him).  But god he was such a powerhouse of ambition and brilliance and BADLY-NEEDED REFORMING ZEAL and personal charisma and political genius.  Like whether you think he was a tyrant or a visionary or whatever you have to agree that he was fucking unstoppable superhuman machine of energy and accomplishment.  I mean as one of 9 billion possible examples he wrote LATIN TEXTBOOKS in his tent while CONQUERING GAUL because he saw all these inconsistencies in the language and he wanted to standardize it because that’s just how he rolls:  he sees something that is inefficient and broken and his immediate impulse is LET’S FIX THE THING.  LET’S IMPROVE THE SYSTEM.  And he just fucking does it.  The calendar, the land distribution, provincial government, the Latin language: BAM.  CAESAR WAS HERE.  You’re fucking welcome, what’s next on the agenda.

God the senators piss me off so much like WHO CARES IF HE’S A TYRANT, AT LEAST HE KNOWS HOW TO RUN AN EFFICIENT GOVERNMENT AND YOU TWITS SURE DON’T

Yes okay I know it was more complicated than that and there are no real heroes and villians etc etc I DO GET THAT OKAY I PROMISE just leave me to my emotions for this one day

RIP Caesar, you terrifying and impressive motherfucker.  

Huh.

I finally got my results back from the ADD/ADHD assessment and while it’s inconclusive how much is from anxiety and how much is from actually ADD/ADHD, the psychologist says I’m definitely on the less severe end of the spectrum just based on symptoms alone.

And she says my sensory overload issues are really common to ADD/ADHD. I feel so, so much less ‘crazy’ just knowing that. I’m not just some weirdo like I’ve felt for thirty years…there’s a lot of people like me and a lot of them are really cool and it’s not even that big of a deal, it’s just about learning what tools there are for us and how to use them.

I’m. Actually really happy about this? I mean if she’d been like, nah your memory and sensory filters seem fine, it’s totally not attention deficit disorder, then…it wouldn’t have just magically stopped. I’ve been feeling like everyone got an operating manual for their brain but me my entire life. It would still be there, just unnamed and therefore unmanaged in any real way. But when you can name something, you have power over it, and you can find your allies and coping skills with that name.

Diagnoses, man.

(I’m still really kinda not thrilled that I might have IBS and/or CFS. Acronyms aren’t Pokémon, gods dammit, I don’t gotta catch ‘em all!)

OMG!!!!!!mmmsjwgqhhqvwav I got to 800 followers today!!!!! I can't believe it that 800 people are following my blog? How did this happen?! How?!?? This is crayyyyy

Thank you so much guys!! You guys rock! And I love you so so much! With you guys here I feel less alone!!!!


This is crazy!! :D

anonymous asked:

Your post about the intrusive thoughts made me feel less crazy, I'm so glad it's not just me.

Trust me, I know exactly how you feel

Him

Ugh I’m so crazy about him. And its so much more than the kinky sex and the fact that basically all we do is smoke and fuck. Its his voice. His hesitant, calming, beautiful voice. Its his soft skin, that shy smile, its his imperfections, his faults that make me even crazier. Its his hands. Its the way I flinch when he touches me. Not because I’m scared, but because his gentleness is something I haven’t experienced in a while. Although he is very gentle and kind, he’s rough at all the right times. It’s the way he looks at me, the way he makes me feel less crazy. Its his eyes. I see so much depth in those eyes. So much pain, so much wonder, so much hope. I could look into those eyes forever.