Bellamy is sitting alone in
her old cell when it happens.
It’s been two years as of
yesterday and he’s palming the one and only bottle of alcohol left on the ark.
The one he saves for the anniversary of leaving her behind. But where he’s
promised himself only one shot of the hard liquor a year, he now stares at a
Last year was fine. Yesterday
too. But today was the worst it’s been for a while. And he’s been trying to
drown out the sound of her voice all day. Trying to drown out the sound of his
other broken promise, this one to Abby two years ago, still echoing in his
I just watched the first episode of s4 skam and I’m just crying silently.
I see the hastag #relatable so often on the internet and I dont think I’ve truly understood it until now.
Its the most transcendent experience to see your identity expressed and represented in a way that is so familiar. It feels like home.
In Islam we have this concept called ummah. its a bit like the french revolutionary principle of fraternite, brotherhood. Its not like the Christian idea that we’re all God’s children. Instead we share the human father Adam A.S. Ummah means every single person within the Muslim community is your brother or sister. You protect them and love for them what you love for yourself. I instantly have that connection to Sana simply through this, regardless of how practicing or not she is.
The difference is she is. I can say completely I have never seen a practicing devout Muslim depicted positively in any media platform. When we do have Muslim representation it tends to occupy two spaces. One of the terrorist, violent, radicalized, angry man. In the feminine world its of a suppressed silenced woman. If there is positive representation on rare cases the Muslim is shown without being visibly Muslim, they cant practice, and they have to mock their weird ways and fit in and assimilate with the Western world.
Sana is neither. She is a visible representation of a woman. She has a voice. She has opinions. Her eyes speak. Which is the only thing that shows when a Muslim women wears a niqab (veil). Even if she is not wearing one, she is standing up for them. Her physical hijab and her metaphorical hijab is in practise.
Hijab means modesty, its not just the cloth, its behavior, its a whole way of being. The way she didnt touch that man as she walked past him is such a familiar struggle to me on the tube in London. The way she isolated herself from the crowd on the subway was just so achingly recognizable.
More than anything what moved me was the Salah (prayer). I have a similar reminder on my phone to pray Maghrib. Maghrib is our prayer that occurs when the sun sets. The way the music stopped when she entered the bathroom was when I started crying, and I havent stopped since. In my practice of Islam, music itself is frowned upon, as a distraction. That might be strange for you. But the melody of the Quran, and the soothing nature of Allah’s words is enough for us.
I’m going to glaze over the fact that the editing of the wudhu (ablution) meant she did it wrong and it happened in the wrong order haha. The fact that they showed our ritual wash was beautiful. Islam is a religion of cleanliness and purity. The idea is that it cleanses your sins away, so you can perform prayer before your Lord.
Then they actually showed the Salah! I was so impressed. Usually films exoticise the adhaan (the call to prayer) but ignore the physical act. They actually let her recite the most important bit, and correctly. I’m guessing the actress is Muslim, which is even more wonderful. Surah Al-Fatihah is recited every day, 5 times a day at the beginning of Salah and calls for Allah to guide us to the straight path.
Islam is not a medieval religion. We all have compasses installed in out phone, utilizing modern technologies to practice Islam. She was finding the right direction for prayer towards the Ka’ba. Every single Muslim all around the world is facing the same direction to pray. Think about how powerful that is.
I don’t know anything about the main character, or any of the stories so I apologize if I’m misreading it.
It’s just the girls seem like a unit,a family structure. Her “Norwegian” friends. I know this may sound insulting but in university I do the same thing: I have my English friends, my white friends, and then my isoc (islamic society) friends as separate worlds. I love them both but I interact with them differently, not that I’m fake, I just trace two different worlds precariously, and my sense of self shifts in interaction with them.
It was just the most moving minutes of television I’ve ever watched. I’m still crying as I write this. To see somebody just like you in art is the most moving experience. I feel so empowered.
Lance has been
gone for ten years. It would be his birthday, today—he should be turning 27. An
adult. He should be grown up, but still teasing his siblings—the youngest was
13, now, trying to pretend she was all grown up, living in the shadow of a
brother she couldn’t remember.
They all were,
whether they knew it or not. Even though the first few years had passed, and it
had been a decade—you were his mother
you could never forget.
You missed him.
It was very simple. You would never breathe a word of this to anyone—not the
older ones, who were grown and married with children who only knew of their
uncle from old photographs, not to your husband, and certainly not to any of
the ones who were still children. Child was a relative term, of course—only two
of them were younger than Lance had been.
(Of course, Lance
had still been a child, too. He’d been sixteen
he should have been sneaking around, dating behind your back, making stupid
mistakes that could be fixed—not been getting killed.)
You missed him.
You forgot things, slowly—how it felt to hug him, how he sounded when he was
completely serious, what his favorite color was, the name of that song he used
to sing just to irritate you—but not everything. You never forgot what his face
looked like when he smiled, or how his laugh sounded when he was startled into
sheer enjoyment, or the uncertain way he’d stood before you at fourteen and a
half, jaw set as still as he could keep it, and quietly told you he was bi.
(You never forgot
that you were the first person he told, and that when you smiled softly at him,
with understanding and such love and pride that he had been brave enough to
come out even though you’d never have reacted poorly but he clearly didn’t know
that and he still did it, his whole
face crumpled and he threw himself at you and hugged you for what felt like the
longest moment in your life, but was still—in the end—too short.)
The first three
years had been the hardest, because it felt like you were all just waiting for
him to come home, to show up on your doorstep, tanned and too-skinny, smiling
lopsidedly and opening his arms for a hug.
though, the youngest ones forgot. They remembered he existed, and they knew he
had been loved and they missed him, but for the youngest, who were barely older
than infants when he left, he was mostly just a shadow, a spectre hanging over
them. A warning to be careful.
(Don’t break your mother’s heart the way
Lance broke it, they are warned. You know, and you hate that they’re
growing up like this, but if you lost any more of them—you don’t know how many
more times your heart can shatter before you can’t even pretend you’re okay.)
It’s been ten
years, and you still miss your son like the day he left for the Garrison, like
the day you were told he had been killed, like you have every day for the past
ten years and will likely do until the day you yourself die.
(You were his
mother. All you ever wanted for him was to see him grow up and be happy and
find whatever it was he was searching for that he couldn’t find here on Earth.
All you wish, now, is that you could have hugged him one more time the last
time you saw him.)
You love your
other children. You don’t ever want anyone to doubt that. You would move the
earth and skies for them, if you could—but the ones who remember Lance and
remember him well also remember he was your favorite, for all that he never
realized it. You would have taken him to the stars and sat there with him, if
you could have. But he’s gone, and you know he will never come back, and your
children deserve better than an absent, eternally grieving mother. So you pull
yourself together, every morning, and you force yourself to forget the missing
remember at night, when you dream of your son, among the stars, laughing, with
galaxies in his eyes and the universe at his feet.)
(And then, one
day, one miraculous and incredible day, there’s a knock at the door, and your
youngest calls you down because she doesn’t know who it is, and you go and you
almost don’t recognize the man standing there—but then he looks at you and
smiles and is startled into laughing and you never, never forgot that laugh and you scream and before you know it your
boy is safe, home, in your arms, where he’s always belonged, and he’s smiling
and laughing and crying, a little, but so are you and there will be time to
learn where he’s been and where those scars came from and where he went and why
he never came back—but for now, he’s here and he’s home and he laughs like he
used to and when you breathe, for the first time in ten years, your chest is
It’s been well over a year since Young, Wild and Free and I still cry when I hear it. I still cry remembering that they came back. I still cry at the memory of the moment I heard that song in it’s full entirety in my dark bedroom at the crack of dawn with headphones in so i didnt disturb my housemates in my fluffy pyjamas hardly believing it wasn’t a dream. it’s not just a song it’s not just a comeback it was THE comeback and it resonates with me on such an emotional level that I cannot ever treat it as anything other than a thread of pure life stitching up my broken heart
I just woke up and started crying and its like 4 in the morning . I was already having a hard time when donghyuck was sick ,and he didnt even have the energy to join the members playing . And now im just so so scared if he start closing himself in from everyone. ): and the fact that i can barely do anything for him when he has always there to make me happy again when im having a bad day .
I really need donghyuck to be strong . I know he is 💓
Hello! I heard you were bored so I decided to drop by and see what I could do to help! What is your favorite Langst headcanon? Your favorite happy Lance headcanon? And if you wouldn't mind, your favorite group vld headcanon? I love your blog and work btw! So lovely! I love seeing you on my dash! -Star
alsdhjbasg, im always bored at work xD thank god im home though, but still bored xD
fav langst headcanon? oh god… thats a hard one. i think its the one where he has a photographic memory and just remembers everythingggg. and he internalizes it, and keeps it from everyone else, because they just dont see how hard hes trying. (like im not villainizing the rest of the team, but everyone misses things) so like the criticisms he gets that are meant to be constructive are taken to heart and just create this feedback loop in his head and its a mess and he hates himself and he wants to go home and he cant because he has to be here for voltron and he beleives hes the most replacable. and boy that just tugs at my heartstrings and gives me the best ideas for fics. ( @isassifras im looking at you hun~)
happy lance headcanon? ho hum, idk, how bout lance being recognized for how smart he actually his, let him lead, let me be more than just comedic relief. trust me i love my boy, and he can be a great leader if given the chance.
team voltron headcanon? dont. make. pidg. cry. dont. make. shiro. sad. thats it. if either of those happen and youre in the room, its your fault. even if you didnt say anything, it was your fault. dont make space dad sad and dont make the tech gremlin cry. simple as that.
alksjdgnafhf’h -screams- thank you so much!!!! that makes me all warm and fuzzy~ (even if im shivering from my icecream xD)
a selection of moments during mitski’s gig 2night when i teared up:
francis forever… bc it always makes me a bit teary and gay :””) yknow like um. ‘i look up at the gaps of sunlight / i miss u more than anything’ that part aahsjdfg
they played! the key change! in first love/late spring !! hjgfsdsghkj im a nerd but key changes just make me cry always lmao
i will… for like. the same reaosns as francis forever lmao it’s just i love that song yknow?
drunk walk home. ok let’s talk abt this ok yknow how she screams on the track? i didnt think she’d do that live but she did it and oh my god oh my god i love her and it was So Much yknow? that was the first time the tears left my eyes. that was the defining moment of the gig tbh
last words of a shooting star is like, same content point of ff/i will + same captivating performance as drunk walk home ie everyone stopped moving, tapping feet bobbing heads whatever, n we were all just staring at her. for both those songs
and finally…. oh my god. oh my god she did class of 2013 as the encore?? i was not expecting it n like. ahhhhh and she did that thing! where she holds the guitar right up 2 her face like in the npr tiny desk concert which ive watched god knows how many times but this!! was real!!!! it was live!!!! holy ufck i can’t believe i saw that yknow? so i was holding back sobs bc that wouldve been embarrassing ig but i was That emotional. oh my god it was incredible and i love live music
Maybe it was the way his posture was slouched forward or how his eyes dipped in and out of sleep. A gentle nodding of his head would stir him suddenly awake and the cycle would continue. Since the monster had come to visit he hadnt been up for any of their usual games, refused to smoke, fell asleep during movies…
Stretch felt it would be impossible to ask Red what was wrong, the monster had issues with sharing personal ‘feely emotion shit’. So he went to Blue and asked him if he knew. Somehow his younger brother was able to get Red chatty, so if anyone knew it would be him .
“ Oh, Red? ” Blue stirs a bowl of something unidentifiable that would no doubt become breakfast.
“ Yeah, has he said anything to you?”
“… Hmm nope. ” He goes back to stirring his pot but with a whick of excitement flings the spoon in the air in triumph, the answer coming to him and sauce splattering on the ceiling. “ Oh! WAIT! I know! Red is prego! ”
Stretch nearly spills his coffee. “Shhhh! Blue you shouldnt say that! What if he overhears you!”
“Well, he should already know hes prego right?”
“ Hes definitly not… Prego. Hes just chubby Blue. I mean… We’ve only been dating for a little while sex is… ” he stops himself midsentence, realizing hes telling all this to his baby bro. The innocent bundle of joy still trying to get Edge to fingerpaint with him. “… sextant is an instrument to measure ocean altitudes… “
He stumbles through the sentence with some difficulty but the look on Blues face, the wonder of new facts, makes him feel acomplished as an older bro.
” Oh! So Fell wanted to go on a boat ride… “
” Dont you dare go on any boat with Edge!!!“ Stretch slaps his face with the flat of his palm. He didnt have time for this. Right now, in the living room Red was fast asleep, exhausted from magic overuse. Something odd had to have been going on in his universe for him to get like this.
Stranger yet, he didnt come visit with his brother. He just walked through the machine and crashed on their couch.
Stretch grabs another mug of coffee and the morning paper and flops down onto the sofa cushion beside Red. The monster stirs awake at once and Stretch offers him coffee as an apology. The two sit in silence for a while, Stretch patient for Sans to wake wirh his morning joe.
” Something happen? “
” nah. “
” You’ve been sleeping since you got here… “
” ’m always sleeping. Nuhhbigdeal. “
He takes another sip of his coffee.
“i noticed… Your brother didnt come today.”
Stretch sighs, weight shifting from toe to toe. He brings a knee up to his chest and hugs it close to himself, wanting instead to hug the other. He knows by now to give him his space. That ‘touchy feely bullshit’ was something their world didnt do.
“… Is it uh… Is it because of the human? ” he feels awkward to talk about the resets. He knew Red went through them, the same as he did… But since opening the door to other Aus the human hadnt returned. At least not in underswap. He waits with baited breath, hoping the same was true in other universes.
“ nah. Nothing new. Tired iz all. ”
“oh..ha.” Stretch sits in more awkward silence. Sans, blissfully unaware, sips his coffee eyes blank turned at the falling snow.
“ its peaceful here…” he says. “ Boss , says to stop coming here . ‘This place makes monsters soft.’ … I think he just doesn’t want to admit he likes Blue . I dont want that either…”
Stretch is quiet. Rare was it, to get Red talking. Rarer still to hear his opinion on anything. Sometimes it felt like their universe had beaten submission into Red. Some weeks hed come over just to have a panic attack, curl into a ball by the foot of the machine and cry without anyone knowing how long he was in the basement. Stretch had caught him once, asked him why he didnt just come upstairs, apparently he just needed the alone time. A moment to lower his guard without that fear of someone dusting him. He didnt want to be seen so weak.
“ Boss ‘n I were having a fight. He is captain of the royal guard…. Worked hard to get there. He doesnt want to compromise it.
He waits patiently, sips his cofee, and slyly looks at Reds stomach. The monster was chubby but Stretch starts to wonder if his form looks fuller. Rounder. Was Red actually -
“ I hate going there… Now that I got our machine to work, ive seen countless of aus. I know its not always kill or be killed… Its just ours thats fucked up.so when I come visit your shitty world it always feels like-fuck… Ya know? Sorry. I didnt mean that. Im just tired. Boss has been pushing me to lvl. Made some progress… Not much. Look. 4 hp. ”
At once, Stretch feels uneasy. Even before looking at Reds stats he shifts away on the sofa.
LOVE was dangerous. Extremely so. He didnt know what it was but the human always had too much LOVE and Fell was right up there with psychopaths. One time he brought Blue a sword as a present. Another time he’d try and dust the mailman for stepping over his and Blues snowmen.
Sure enough, Stretch spots the change in lvl. It boosted his stats. Not by much… But defense and health were higher.
“Thats uh… Cool. Red. ” He tries to stay a bit positive. But now his mind raves with so many questions. No, scratch that, only one question sits in his mind and thats… “Who.. Uh. … Who did you dust for that?”
“ no one ‘mportant.” Red turns his head, clearly avoiding eye contact. Stretch wants to be more understanding. He wants to be a goodboyfriend but it was so hard to wrestle out information from Red. If he pushed too much, the other would shut down or start yelling. If he said nothing Red would sometimes talk more. Nervous about the silence, he would ramble on and on…
But. This needed to be adressed. “It doesnt look like nothing. You don’t look like youve gotten alot of rest at all… Is the guilt keeping you awake?”
“ Its fine… ”
“ Its not fine! Your brother needs to stop pushing you to murder! It’s never okay! There are other options… You could live here! With me! And Blue. ”
Red looks hopeful for a moment. There is a shimmer in his eyes that look like the glint of tears when he looks over at Stretch but just as suddenly he turns his head away. Shaking it furiously from side to side.
“Im not leaving Boss.”
“I know. Hes your brother… Youd do anything for him. ” Stretch sighs.“ He can stay too… Just… Keep him away from Blue. ”
“Hed never agree to stay. So I wont stay. Simple.”
“You can visit him… Right? What about us?”
“ What, us? ”
“ … ”
Stretch takes a long breath. “ I know its hard for you to understand but… There are different kinds of Love. Its not all… Murder and hurting people.”
“I understand that shit. I love my brother, he loves me. Its not so different in our world… Stop trying to push your moral shit. Your not a saint. Im sure youve killed more than your fair share of humans. Just cuz a reset makes it 0 again doesnt mean you can lecture me. I said ‘what, us?’ Not ‘whats love?’, okay? Im not an idiot. ”
Stretch nods his head. Only a moment later responding with a small. “yeah…oh. Okay.”
Stretch gets up, berrated for trying to show a little concern, now he just turns tail and heads back to the kitchen.
Blue had been watching the encounter. He pats his brothers arm when he enter the kitchen and slouches at the table, head burried beneath his arms.
“what us.. ” he mumbles. He bites into the fabric of his sweater. “… like fucking strangers.”
Blue takes a seat across from him and affectionately pets his brothers skull. He doesnt offer much in words. Its not his place, and theres so little advice he can give on the subject. But he knows its hurting his brother… So he takes it upon himself to find a solution.
He marches out into the living room against Papyrus’s unenthusoastic protest and stands tall in front of Red, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “You!” he shouts , deafening in th early morning silence. “Your being mean! And you need to apologize!”
Red looks up at him for a moment, thoughtful. He could yell out and curse like he always did at home… But he was weak when he set eyes on his twin. It always seemed unfair, hed have to tipe toe around the innocent copy. He puts down his cup of coffee and shrugs on his sweater.
“Didn’t want to be here anyway. ’m goin home.” He walks past Blue and heads outside, callously leaving the two brothers in silence.
But for Papyrus, it wasnt the end. He had to get Red to talk… Had to save his relationship with Red from dying alltogether. … He mignt not see him again.
Stretch slides out the kitchen chair, knocking it to its side and chases after Red. “ Ill be back in a ten mintues Blue! ” He yells out before swinging open the front door and bracing himself against the cold wind that pours into the house and against his bone.
He turns the door shut and stomps jeavily in the snow, rounding his way to the back of the house and throws open the lab room. Red is still there, and Stretch breathes a sigh of relief. The monster is at the console, ready to punch in his code to go home when he spots Stretch panting hard in the doorway.
“ What? You want an apology still? Im sorry. Okay? Now go away. ”
Stretch closes the door behind him and spins around the small desk chair to sit and face Red properly. Face to face , without his height making the other feel insignificant.
“ Red. I dont want this to be goodbye. So I have to say something to get it off my chest. Red I love-!! ”
Red holds up a flat palm, stopping Stretch from anything he might say. His other hand dips under his shirt and pulls it slightly up to show the mix of red tubby magic of his belly. “ Look. ” Red says. Though Stretch fidnt need any direction.
His eyes immediately follow Sans as he began his strip, dissapointed when the shirt only reveals so little. But he sees it now. Clearly , among the hue of magic churning… A small soul beside his own.
“I cant be with you. Okay? I cant stay here!So stop trying to convince me! “
Papyrus is stumbling for words. His attention hasn’t shifted from the fluttering baby soul the other carries. “Your! Thats… His…?”
“Yes. Im gonna lvl up this way! Ill get strong enough that Boss wont have to protect me!”
Stretch gulps, eyes meeting Red. “ What do you mean your going to level up?! Your going to kill it?!!!”
Sans flinches back. “ Dont try to talk me out of this! I told you im going back home. You dont have to keep pretending your worried about me.”
The machine hums to life the moment Red puncbes in his code. He turns his back on tje other heads through the portal that opens.
Stretch sits there.
Blank expression on his face as he watches the lights flicker on the console. The small green light fades to red… Something happened on the other side that made the machine unusable…
[1/5 4:30 AM] i keep expecting some ghost to be staring at me
[1/5 4:30 AM] when i open my eyes again, some ghost of me maybe
[1/5 4:30 AM] i think im just really exhausted. feel like the world is nestled under my collarbones.
[1/5 4:31 AM] im just overthinking it all
[1/5/ 4:31 AM] i dont know. my mouth feels numb as always
[1/5 4:31 AM] did u know i didnt learn how to cry properly until 2015. as in cry on a healthy basis. before that i used to be unable to feel anything ever
[1/5 4:32 AM] i really want to cry right now too. cry so much that i can avert the predicted water shortages in pakistan
[1/5 4:33 AM] i feel like i cant. same blockade as all the ones i put up before. if i cry now the pain may become real
[1/5 4:34 AM] i guess it doesnt matter tho. idk why i messaged you to tell u that.
[1/5 4:35 AM] i know u arent listening. its ok. u don’t have to respond out of guilt.
[1/5 4:35 AM] i should go to bed before the birds get louder. gnite.
im waiting for the video to come out before watching but do u know why jensen was drunk/crying apparently? and from what i hear misha was trying to look out for jensen so he didnt do anything /too/ crazy aw
me too haha! jensen was just drunk because it’s jibcon i think and they like to get drunk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but jensen started crying because he was talking about how he met two volunteers from the crisis support network misha and jensen created from the yana campaign and how it hit him really hard. apparently misha teared up too and the rest of the audience was super emotional.
and yes misha was obviously not as drunk as jensen and trying to make sure he didn’t say or do anything crazy. poor mish haha. im sure sober!jensen appreciates it!
here’s a short video if you want to see for yourself!
about kei and akiteru’s falling out, we see it all from kei’s perspective and its so sad but imagine all of that from akiteru’s pov like kei used to be a smiley, happy kid who admired and loved akiteru more than anything but after he was #exposed kei became incredibly distant from even him and more quiet and generally just sad i wonder how it must’ve felt for akiteru
like you see later akiteru crying in to his jersey and kei witnessing it and kei thinks its just because he didnt make the team and i’m sure thats half of it but i think the other half is he was crying because he hurt kei and caused him to change and basically ruined their relationship (its implied they hadnt really talked until half way thru the manga) and he was mad and frustrated with himself
i watched their concert in texas way back 2014 at like a basketball court event. they were so fetus back then. and i freakin bawled my eyes out. they were so cute. and camila at times was so cute with her missing the blockings and spilling their surprise song. you can see early on that she was a crowd favorite. and they sang anything can happen. i was daydreaming what if they did a surprise concert, sang that then camila appears with 5h. everyone would freak and cry. siiggh.
there was this one part also that they were asked if they could change their birth name, what would it be and then did each others. camila said that lauren looked like a ‘nicole’ and lauren was so smiley giggly. then she said camila would be ‘alexa’ or 'lexa’ but settled on 'lisa’. it was funny coz camila didnt know how to accept that but seeing that it was lauren who said it, she just went hmkay! hahah
Omg, alternate universe Camren : Nicole & Lisa - Nicisa? Lisole? Licole? (kinda sounds like “Licorne” which is french for unicorn) - let’s pick people!