so i can only comment on how terrible this writing is stylistically

dress me up, buttercup I three (m)

Originally posted by osyub

pairing : hoseok x reader

genre: idol+stylist!au, drama, humor, angst

warning: face sitting, fem dom, dirty talk

word count: 8.1k

summary: There are nearly 1,000 reasons why mixing work and romance is a terrible idea. Unfortunately, Jung Hoseok makes it very hard for you to resist.

chapters: one | two | three | four

✩ a/n: this was really just an excuse to write whiny, needy hobi….. (゜▽゜;)

Keep reading

Drown (angst, comfort)

Anonymous: hello love, I’d like to request a jimin fic - could it involve suicide (I think I spelled it correctly) you’ve been mentally and physically drained from your dance practices, school work, family issues, and you start to question yourself and the existence of life. SORRY ITS ALOT just really love your angst

Title: Drown (Jimin)
Genre: Angst, comfort
Words: 1345
Warning:Suicide

A/N: I wanted to let you all know that just because I write these sensitive topics, I promote them. No. Just no. Suicide/Depression is not supposed to be a trend but it shouldn’t be ignored. We should be aware of this. I write these topics because I want everyone to know they’re not alone and that I’m here who feels the same and is so conflicted. I don’t want to die, you know. I know parasuicide isn’t the solution. I just feel so hateful at myself. I also write these as an alternative remedy to that painful spot in my heart. And I know that some of you could relate.

p.s. Drown - Bring Me The Horizon (my favorite rock band)

p.p.s. Awake - Jin (BTS)

Originally posted by jiminrolls


Dying
Is an art, like everything else.  
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.  
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I’ve a call.

– Sylvia Plath, Lady Lazarus

Cold spreads through Jimin, the arms that kept him warm was nowhere to be seen. You weren’t beside him. Jimin sat up, sleep still heavy in his eyes. But the confusion was enough to make him drag himself off the bed. Jimin trips a little over the dark room. He reaches for the door knob and swings the door open.

You were curled up on a chair. Jimin froze, studying you. Your hair was a mess and you were fiddling with your fingers as you stared at the blank wall in front of you. You seemed deep in thought but also like you were just there with no purpose.

That’s when Jimin noticed the glint of a small tear on your face. He slowly walked closer to find out that your face was tear-streaked.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” he says and you aren’t startled, tiredness making you look at him, emotionless. The sight of Jimin’s worried face brings you to even more tears. You felt so vulnerable. You felt like a failure. You felt like a mess.

You only shook your head, words unable to form in your mind. Nonetheless, Jimin walked to you and pressed your head to his chest, not minding a single bit if he had to change his shirt later because of the tears and snot.

“I’m just stressed.” Lies. You were beyond stressed. You were drowning. Harsh reality pulling you down deeper and deeper to a place where Jimin was nowhere to be seen.

Two years ago, you would have been foreign to this feeling, innocence surrounding you. But now, you were used to it. Just like how you were used to the voice of your mother saying you were an egotistical idiot who had no future ahead. It always rang inside your mind, eating your insides. And you knew it was true because that’s what the person inside you told you too. You hated yourself so so much.

That’s why you decided to become a trainee at this company. It wasn’t easy and you had expected that. Jimin had made sure he was always there to cheer you up and you were grateful for that. But what you hadn’t expected were the stress of it all and the hate comments to break your sanity. Everyone had expected you to do it all. You spent eight hours at school, trying to keep the required grade. After that, you went straight to the building, dancing until you had the precise moves stuck in your mind on repeat. Until you had no flaw. Until you were perfect.

You practice until you go home to a now foreign place. A place filled with strangers who are strangely related. You don’t sleep. How can you when the strange foreign place was filled with screams of profanities and unpaid bills? It only reminded you that you were a burden to your single mother. That you were a leech–sucking your mother’s happiness. One day, the screaming stopped, the silence lulling you to sleep.

The next day, you wished you hadn’t opened your eyes. You wished that you hadn’t woken up. You wished you didn’t open the door to your mother’s cold and lifeless body hanging on the ceiling.


“Hey, hey,” Jimin soothingly says, and you wish you would stay like this anymore. In a dimly lit room with Jimin’s arms wrapped around your broken self. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Jimin himself felt like crying because nothing was more painful than seeing his lover in pain and he didn’t know how to ease it. He felt so helpless and shitty.

“I just…” you burst out, looking at his brown caring eyes. “I’ve got a lot of problems right now.”

Jimin opens his mouth but you continue, “But I think a cuddle would make me fine.” You wanted to have him close to you one last time.

With that Jimin sits beside you and you bury yourself deeper into his arms, his scent lingering in your sense of smell. Both of you cry together, aware of the swollen eyes the stylists would have to cover up.

“I love you, Y/N.” Jimin whispers in your ear, his breath tickling you.

“I love you, too.” I’m sorry. You felt so terrible. You felt horrible for what you planned to do. You wanted so much to runaway from your problems. You wanted to not wake up ever again and be hit with the strong waves of reality.


The next day, Jimin had left breakfast on the table. He had to go out early, Hoseok needed him to help with some choreographies. Jimin pressed a soft kiss on your lips and left. Cold washed over you, a sense of loneliness overwhelming you.

Shaking the sleep off, you struggle to stand up and stagger as you stand up to take your last meal. Jimin’s food. It was pathetic but you cried as you gobbled up the simple breakfast he had prepared. It was such a long breakfast.

Your mom killed herself. She can’t even live when you were there. You ruined her life. You were stupid. Pathetic. Egotistical. An idiot. Too ambitious. Paranoid. A liar. You were so many things. You were such a fake. Did you even deserve living? Your days felt numbered. Maybe you really were meant to die pathetically.

You were nothing.

Just a disappointment.

A pity.

You sob as you turn on the gas of the car. Nitrogen slowly filling the garage and the vehicle as you dialed Jimin’s number. He picks it up making you freeze. You had expected it to go to voice mail.

“Jagi?” his youthful voice says and you can imagine his crescent eyes as he smiles.

“J-Jimin.” his voice takes you aback. Everything felt wrong. Nitrogen was slowly seeping into your system.

“Y-Y/N, what’s that sound?” he asks and your heart beats faster and faster. Everything felt so so wrong. You don’t say anything.

“Y/N?”

“I love you, Jimin,” you desperately say. I’m so sorry, Jimin. There are better less problematic girls out there. I’m so sorry. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, there’s no need to say sorry,” Jimin says and you only sob. It didn’t matter anymore, you could feel life draining out of you. Nitrogen was drowning your lungs with its sickly gas.

You hear a door creak open on the other side of the line, “Where are you, Y/N?” This time his voice was panicked.

“I’m sorry, Jimin,” you repeat, and slowly you drift away to a never-ending sleep.


You wake up. A hand tightly grasping yours. You can’t see clearly because your vision was slightly blurred, giving you that slightly double image. But you knew that hand so well that you squeeze tightly, never wanting to let go.

A flash of yellow hovers over you, “Y/N.”

Raindrops on your face. No–teardrops. You feel guilty for making Jimin cry and all you can say were two words, “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no, Y/N,” you hear him say, his breath against you. “Don’t say sorry. Don’t, please. What’s important is you’re alive.”

You open your mouth, he interrupts you, “No, I’ll talk today, okay? You have to listen carefully.”

You nod, tears of relief and sadness and guilt streaming down your face. You feel him wipe off the tears with his free hand.

“I love you, okay. And when I say I love you. I mean a lot. They say there should be no reasons why you love someone. But I have only one reason I love you. I love you because you’re here on Earth, existing, breathing…living. I love you, Y/N, because you’re simply here. And that if you are ever broken, I’ll be here to fix you, okay? I’ll be here to put you back together again because…because you’re worth it. You’re worth an infinite amount of everything.”

Jimin gathers you in his arms, and you hug back, drenching each other in tears. You wished your vision wasn’t blurry so that you could see his face again. He pulls you closer to him, leaving no space.

For the first time in your life, you’ve never felt this relieved to have woken up.



A/N: This was a little hazy lol. Anyway, I teared up a few times while writing this. 1 down, 6 more requests to go!

anonymous asked:

hi! I was wondering if you could do RFA + Saeran and Vanderwood with MC having Trichotilomania? It’s something I have and I haven’t seen anybody write about it before. Thank you!!

I personally don’t have Trichotillomania, but I have a problem with picking my cuticles so these are in part based on my experiences with picking as well as the research I did for this set of headcanons. 

My Masterlist

Jaehee

  • She absolutely notices any missing patches in your hair
  • “Did something happen!?” She asks the first time she notices
    Is very apologetic about how insensitive she must have seemed when you tell her about your trichotillomania
  • Is sympathetic about any shame you feel, but makes sure to let you know she thinks you have no reason to be ashamed
  • Does some research and makes sure to talk with you so she understands a little bit more about the motivations behind your hair pulling.
  • She keeps little toys all around the house and hands them to you when you start pulling at your hair
  • Makes sure you have a little space in the coffee shop you can retreat to when you feel stressed out
  • You always know whenever your hair looks particularly good because she lets you know at least three times that day
  • Is always willing to help if you show an interest in styling your hair and will research the best products for you to use

Yoosung

  • The least helpful, and a terrible actor so when if any picked-over patches stand out he definitely looks shocked first
  • “MC! Your hair!”
  • Feels bad about it when it upsets you and genuinely does try to be better, but he’s still very expressive and easy-to-read
  • nudges you if you start picking in public
  • “It’s okay MC, I have bad habits too.” it’s not just a bad habit but okay Yoosung
  • Will, in the car after the actual situation is over, threaten to fight anyone who says anything about it
  • Definitely wants to help you stop! Will do whatever he can, though that’s usually limited to his nudging and helping you tape your fingers sometimes 

Jumin

  • “Why are you pulling out your hair, love? Doesn’t that hurt?”
  • He has a seemingly infinite amount of questions when you first tell him. While he is concerned that you are damaging your body, he is genuinely curious rather than disgusted.
  • Makes Jaehee write him a report
  • He has professional stylists who are masters at hiding any bald spots you might have from a flair up, and if you wanted he would get you the best wigs or hair pieces.
  • There are maids to clean up any hair that gets left behind so that’s fine. Besides there’s so much c-hair around from Elizabeth he’s used to it.
  • In some ways it makes his life easier because it’s an obvious tell. He knows roughly where your mental state is at by your hair and how frantically you’re picking at it.
  • He still insists upon (and pays for) visiting a therapist though.
  • Will pay for anything that will help you or improve your quality of life and regularly makes suggestions until you have a routine and treatment that seems to be working

Zen

  • “Oh you’re looking for greys? Here, I’ll help you look.” Zen is already starting to pick through your hair like a gorilla before you can even say anything. He has seen more than a few actors pulling out grey hairs in the dressing room.
  • It’s probably not until the second time he catches you pulling out strands with a mirror nowhere in sight that he realizes you’re just pulling at it, and aren’t actually looking for anything.
  • “MC, why are you pulling out your hair? It’ll thin out if you do that.”
  • It takes him a bit to really understand that, yes, it’s really a disorder not just a bad habit.
  • Is genuinely shocked about any bald patches you have, but he’s a good actor so he fakes that it doesn’t bother him because he doesn’t want to upset you
  • You bond over your mutual psychological attachments to things that are bad for you and cause you shame, his being cigarettes
  • It wasn’t really something he felt like he could talk to with anyone else. He always told himself he was being ridiculous and weak-willed, but you’re not ridiculous and weak-willed and you feel the same way
  • You don’t spend much time out in the spotlight because of his contract, but he’s always willing to help you accessorize and find the right hair products if you need them.
    The two of you end up styling each other’s hair whenever you get ready to go out.
  • Holds your hand every time he sees you start pulling at your hair
  • Very sweet about any insecurities you might have over it, and lays the compliments about everything else about you on thick

Saeyoung

  • Never says anything about it
  • He’s noticed, of course, the way you mindlessly pull out your hair and how it tends to pick up when you get stressed
  • He just chooses not to comment, says nothing about any bald spots you have
  • Runs his fingers through your hair all the time because he likes doing it and he doesn’t care what it looks like.
  • If he notices you’re feeling self-conscious about your hair or your picking, he’ll fill an entire chatroom with ALL CAPSLOCK compliments about how great you are.  
  • Will only talk about it if you bring it up, and is more than happy to let you know that it doesn’t bother him at all and offers you free reign of all his wigs and to go get acrylic nails with you. He thinks he’ll look great in some bright purple coffin-style nails

Saeran

  • You can both be on the BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behavior) train together!
  • Sometimes the two of you end up sitting in silence, picking at yourselves for several minutes while Saeyoung wonders what he has gotten himself into to.
  • He is of the opinion that as long as it helps you feel better and isn’t seriously hurting you, it isn’t a big deal
  • You have a small bald spot? Your hair is getting thinner? Saeran never noticed
  • Assumes you have no insecurities because you’re great? And constantly supportive? And always giving him the best pep talks?
  • But if you do let him know about them he is ready and willing to tell you how dumb all of them are
  • And if that doesn’t work, and the insecurities still seem to bother you, he might ask Saeyoung for help

Vanderwood

  • He doesn’t like how hair gets everywhere to begin with
  • This man has keeping hair out of the shower drain down to a science
  • The fact that you pull out your hair and leave MORE hair around irritates him
  • “Stop pulling out your hair. My couch doesn’t need a fur coat.”
  • He finds out the hard way not to tease you about it
  • Is apologetic (in the usual Vanderwood way of sounding a little insincere even if he means it) about it afterward once he realizes how upset you actually are.
  • The good thing is, he learns fast and it is never an issue again, though there is some vague grumbling about how often he has to vacuum from time to time
  • “If it’s a problem, then you should get help for it.” Vanderwood knows he’s not much help. Other than the mess, he doesn’t mind too much but yeah, it looks weird and he has no idea how to help you stop.
  • Your appearance? “It’s not a big deal, you’re human. I have those scars. You have a bald patch.”
Period pains (5SOS Imagine)

Being 5 Seconds of Summers stylist was my dream job! Being their friend was a privilege. Sure they annoy me and try to make my job hard but I love them. They TRY to refuse to wearing some of the outfits I put together saying it isn’t ‘punk rock’ enough for them. I’m sorry but if you are going to a ball you have to wear a suit and tie.

That is just one of my many struggles. Michaels constant dying of his hair is another. Does he not realise I plan in advance. I need to make sure his hair doesn’t clash with his clothes or I will get the blame.

Don’t get me started on the ripped clothes. Jeans, I don’t mind. I’m actually a fan of ripped skinny jeans but cutting hole in shirts on purpose, not so much. Cutting holes in your shirt will not stop you sweating but it will make you look like you can’t afford to buy new clothes. Which I can assure you they can because I am the one who buys them countless new tops yet they remain with the price tag on them.

Really though I can’t complain. I get to spend all day everyday with four of my best friends. They make me laugh and smile constantly.

Really I shouldn’t complain but I’m human so I shall. Today was horrible. I was on my period and the cramps inside my stomach were ripping me apart. My back was aching and my painkillers were just not kicking in.

“What about this leather jacket?” I asked mickey, holding up the jacket. He shuck his head barely looking up from his phone. “Seriously? What’s wrong with it? I have showed you five different jackets and none of them are good enough.”

He continues to go on his phone, oblivious to my existence. “Michael! This is the last one.” I show him a denim jacket. He quickly looks up, shrugs his shoulders and looks back down.

“Fine, you know what I don’t care, you all can wear what ever you want.” I storm off. I swing open the door but am blocked by a pair of broad shoulders.

“Whoa slow down (Y/N), what’s wrong?” Luke tries to stop me leaving.

“Don’t touch me!” I dodge him, stomping out to the tour bus. I know I’m over reacting but I couldn’t be bother being patient today.

I went to the back and curled into a ball.

“(Y/N)?” I hear Luke call my name along with several footsteps but I ignore them.

“Who pissed in your cereal this morning.” Mickey comments.

“Piss off.” I throw a pillow at him. “Your such an asshole.”

“Whoa someone is on her period.” Calum laughs.

“I actually hate you all right now.” I burst into tears. I couldn’t help it; I turn over trying to hide my face.

“I was only joking, I’m sorry.” Cal puts a hand on my shoulder but I brush him off.

The TV is turned on and a blanket is wrapped gently around me. “Are you going to let me join you on the couch?” ash asks. I cautiously scoot over making room for him and laying my head on his chest.

“Where are the others?”
“They went to get food.” He hands me a controller and the Fifa logo flashes on the screen.

“Ash you hate Fifa.”

“Yeah but I like you.” He smiles. “But that doesn’t mean I will go easy on you.”

“You don’t even know how to play.” I laugh, clutching my stomach at the pain. “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts.”

After half an hour of playing the boys return. “We brought ice cream and chocolate.” Calum shouts. “I’m really sorry (Y/N).”

“Its okay, I suppose I can forgive you because you brought food.” I smile thanking him.

“I also won you this teddy in the claw game thing.” Luke hands me a dark brown bear.

“Thanks Luke I love it.” I stand up to give him a hug. “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier.”

“We can all have our bad days.”

“I’m going to take a nap but thanks guys for all of this. I love yous.”

I was about to hop into my bunk when mickey stops me. “Do you want some company?” He asks shyly. I stay quiet only nodding my head.  He climbs in first and I follow.

“I’m sorry for being a dick earlier, you know I’m an idiot.” He wraps his arms around my body gently.

“Even though you were being annoying, I shouldn’t have snapped at you so I’m sorry too.” I close my eyes, snuggling into he chest.

“So you don’t hate me?” He holds his breath.

“It’s going to take a lot more than that to make me hate you or the others for that matter.”

“Good because we would look terrible if we lost you.” 

Master-list
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