so i can cry alone

I had such a great amazing night and day hanging out with my favorite brother Bryan n his new girlfriend! They were so nice to me and we all got really really high together and talked and talked and talked and it felt so nice to have someone actually care about the trip I went on and tell me how much they love n missed me and later that night I was litty and their dad Edson (who used to be like an uncle to me) saw me poking my head in the kitchen so he yelled hello and yelled a whole bunch about he was so happy to see me and him and HIS new girlfriend took me out to dinner just to hear about my life and when we got home Bryan was frantic and yelled “THERE YOU ARE” when he saw me cos he thought I’d gone for a walk or killed myself or something and he was actually really worried about me and after he calmed down we smoked more and I fell asleep on the couch just like I used to growing up. When I woke up Bryan n Yoyo took me out for breakfast and to look for a bed frame with them and then after we got home my aunt messaged me asking me to come home and help her clean the house and even my brother Robert came in the car with us to catch up a little bit and when it was time to say goodbye he excitedly told me to hit him up a few times and guys I feel so loved and cared for and excited cos I though no one cared if I was even hanging around over there n I was under the impression that I wasn’t welcome anymore but turns out their home has been open to me the whole time and they missed me and it’s all been a dumb misunderstanding I am SO happy I have some family again! It’s already been a few hours since I got home and I feel like I’ve been so sad for so long (3-4 years now) about them that I just woke up from a shitty dream and I could fight everyone ever right now n Bryan says whenever I’m off work n have nothing to do even if he’s not home just come by cos it’s my house too and we can chill whenever he gets home AAAAA

3

“I feel like I could eat the world raw.”

Please consider Song of Achilles au for tododeku im crying at a dennys

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Nomi’s Pride Speech

I’ve been thinking about my life and all of the mistakes that I’ve made – the ones that stay with me or the ones that I regret are the ones that I made because of fear.  For a long time I was afraid to be who I am because I was taught by my parents that there’s something wrong with someone like me – something offensive, something you will avoid, maybe even pity.  

Something that you could never love.  

My mom – she’s a fan of St. Thomas Aquinas and she calls Pride a sin.  And of all the venal and moral sins St. Thomas saw pride as the queen of the seven deadly sins.  He saw it as the ultimate gateway sin that would turn you quickly into a sinaholic.  But hating isn’t a sin on that list.  Neither is shame.  

I was afraid of this parade because I wanted so badly to be a part of it.  So today I’m marching for that part of me that was once too afraid to march and for all the people who can’t march:  the people living lives like I did.  Today I march to remember that I’m not just a me. I’m also a we and we march with pride.

So go fuck yourself, Aquinas.

Sense 8, Episode 2: I Am Also A We

After the last few years, especially 2016, of pausing a tv show to sob because an LGBT character has died, because a wlw character was killed off, or denied of a happy ending, it feels so fucking good to have had to pause my shows twice in this last week to sob happy tears instead.

With Sanvers both saying ‘I love you’ on Supergirl, and now Nomi and Amanita proposing to each other on Sense8, I have been so overjoyed to hit pause so that I can cry these tears out. I have never experienced that, let alone twice in the same week.

I can’t wait for Reputation. I can’t wait to listen to this album on repeat. I can’t wait to have new music to scream in my car or to dance around my living room. I can’t wait for this album to see how much it relates to where I’m currently at in life. I can’t wait for all the new lessons that are going to be hidden in the lyrics. I can’t wait to have a new album to help me navigate through this crazy mixed up life. I can’t wait to have new songs that are my go to when I’m having a bad day. I just can’t wait for this to shake me to my core.