so i can actually get myself out of bed

5/100 days of productivity i guess

today hasn’t been super productive, but I managed to do a couple of study summaries to revise for psychology. It feels kinda scary looking at stuff I learnt a year ago and realising how little of it I actually know.

I’ve been having a rough couple of days so I’m not too worried about how productive I’m being. I took yesterday off so I guess this isn’t even day 5 it’s either 4 or 1. Anyway, 5 is what you get. I’m gonna give myself that extra credit just for getting out of bed yesterday.

Productivity isn’t always big things. I find the smallest things, those things that give a little sense of achievement, are the most valuable to me.

p.s. I posted this on my dead studygram too so you can check that out too if u want @procrastilate

Teenage Fever (Grayson Smut)

Summary: You and Gray have a lazy day.
Word Count: 1,811
Warnings: Drug use, oral sex, tattooing, cursing. Just nsfw overall.
A/N: I’m trying to get out of this weird rut I have gotten myself into, so have this little thing while I’m trying to regain strength to write something better. Also, in no way am I condoning drug use and/or actually getting a tattoo like this. Go see a professional!! Just wanna say a quick thank you to everyone who’s been so patient with me, I love you and appreciate you all more than I can ever express. Much love xx (title from teenage fever by drake)


He gave you a little smile from where he was sprawled lazily on the bed, the duvet covering half of his naked toned body and one of his long legs hanging out by the side limply. You gazed at him, feeling desire and fondness burst inside of you at the same time when you saw his dimple appear on his cheek. There was something so erotic with how he was just lying there, hair tousled but sweeped from his face, lips bruised and pink and cheeks flushed from post-orgasm.

The moonlight gave his face an attractive glow to his body from where it peeked between the curtain slits and his cheekbones seemed to protrude much more sharply as he angled his face upwards, staring up at the ceiling as he was contemplating something. Usually, you could read him like a book, but he gave nothing away as you continued staring at him.

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From the Dining Table

This was heavily inspired by this song. don’t listen to it unless you want to think about your ex and possibly cry. I definitely didn’t cry lol.

I don’t know why I can only write post-break up!Finn but it is what it is. but it’s still very different from anything I’ve ever wrote. let me know what you think.

Finn Balor x OC

Maybe one day you’ll call and tell me you’re sorry, too. 

Originally posted by thearchitectwwe

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1. i can’t sleep. i’m dizzy with discomfort and i’m so sick inside that my stomach feels like a dryer, spinning round with a pile of clothes heavy with wetness inside of it
2. my throat is burning and i can feel hands gripping around it, strangling me so i can’t breathe properly, the hands are not really there so i can’t pull them off of me to let myself breathe again, it’s terrifying
3. my nails are chipped and broken- only about three nails actually still have a full layer of polish on them and a lot of my nails are completely naked, i haven’t changed my bed sheets in about a month, maybe two, all i’ve done today is sleep and my hair is matted from where i keep waking up sweaty from bad dreams
4. i can’t even hear myself think, there’s a thousand voices in my head and they’re all screaming at me to get outside so i can breathe again but i just can’t pull myself out of this dirty, messy bed
5. i had a shower earlier and i sat down, i didn’t realise i was blocking the drain until the water was up past my ankles
6. it’s nearly summer and it’s getting a lot warmer outside, but i can still feel myself shaking like i do in the cold, even though i’m sweating
7. earlier i forgot how to swallow, i cut up my toast into tiny little pieces and i chewed it and chewed it for ages but it wouldn’t go down my throat
8. i think i forgot how to breathe too, i can’t do it unconsciously anymore, i’m always aware of my chest rising up and down and the sharp pain of the air coming in and out of my lungs
—  i think i’m forgetting how to be a person
Good Girl CH 5: Red From Rejection

“Now I know you can’t be friends with that slut,” Kai says.

“That just makes me want to keep her more,” Dragon huffs.

Owl, Puppy and Elf just turn a bright red at the news.

Dino’s voice gets through, “I can’t wait to dirty that little mind of hers’.”

“I call taking it,” Kitty grins at me.

“If it was any of us, it would be me,” Suho reasons.

“Why you?” Dimple pouts, “I would be just as good at taking it.”

“Ya!” I snap, trying to sound stern but being perched on someone’s lap doesn’t help me.  “First, this is not a discussion I want to have with you guys. I don’t even like talking about it with my close friends. Second, speaking of close friends, Kai,” I glare at the tan man, “You say one more thing about Jihyo I will neuter you. What she does with her body is none of your business, not to mention I know for a fact that you not only fucked her but a good amount of the female population at your school.”

“I don’t see why you defend her.” Kai grumbles back.

“Never argue with a girl about loyalty Kai; it’s a rare thing in this day and age, appreciate when you find it,” Luhan says with a soft smile in my direction as he joins us on the couch. He looks over at Kitty, giving him a smirk, “Don’t you have a briefing to do?”

Kitty and Dragon both grumble something under their breath. Dragon looks to my friends, “Come on, lets go down to the conference room.” My friends look at me; concerned with the situation I got myself into.

“It’s okay guys,” I say with a brave smile. “I think we are good.”

“We will take good care of our little Joo,” Suho purrs, not even giving my friends a glance as they leave with the two older boys. When they are gone, the other seven boys that are still standing settle themselves around the room. Suho lets me down off his lap, setting me in between him and Luhan; his arm rests on my shoulders comfortably.

“So what are we going to do?” I ask Suho nervously, unable to keep myself from picking at my nails. He places a hand over mine to stop the motion.

“You get to pick.”

“I don’t know what there is to do,” I look at Elf and Puppy who are practically bouncing off the couch. “You guys pick.”

“How about a chicken fight?”

I grin big at that idea and hop off the couch. “I’m totally in!” The boys follow suit, some faster than others. They lead me outside onto the lawn. Suho decides to sit out and judge while the rest of us begin without another word. Hopping around on the grass with them I feel as if they aren’t scary people, instead they are just a bunch of crazy puppies with a scarier bark then a bite. After playing a few rounds we head back inside, I feel as if a new bond has formed with the rest of them.

I begin to wonder about things, letting one of my thoughts slip out, “What is going to happen after my friends leave?”

“Nothing bad, don’t worry your pretty little head baby girl,” His use of a new nickname makes me blush.

“I was going to call her that,” Kai pouts.

“You can use it too, Xiumin hyung is probably the only one who is going to claim a nickname.”

Luhan cocks his head at me, “Speaking of nicknames, I’d like to hear the rest of ours.”

“What’s mine?” Elf asks with a child like smile, I begin to wonder how people normally react to them. They are all attractive so I would think it would be positive but from the way they reacted to me not being afraid of them, I guess not.

“Elf oppa,” I say shyly.

“And me?” Dino asks.

“Dino,” I look to Puppy, knowing he is about to ask as well, “Than Puppy oppa, Owl oppa, Tan oppa, Dimple oppa, Handsome oppa, Deer oppa, Panda oppa, and Kitty and Dragon oppa went with my friends.” I point to each boy except for Sehun who I know is younger then me now.

“What about me Noona?” Sehun asks with a cute pout.

I hesitate to say it out loud for a minute, “It’s kind of mean, Bitch face dongseang, I’m sorry.” Sehun frowns deeply as his hyungs burst out laughing at the boy’s misfortune. I genially fell badly for giving him such a mean nickname but I just based it off looks and first impressions.

“Sorry Sehun-ya,” I lean forward to be closer to the boy on the other side of the coffee table. The boy looks up at me, a small smile on his face.

“You know my name?”

I hesitantly nod.

“Why his? Why not mine?” Elf, really Chanyeol, pouts.

I shrug, “I try not to pay attention to that stuff.”

“Why?” Suho asks me this time.

“Because I figured the less I knew, the better.”

Luhan chuckles, “You’re such a smart girl.”

“So how is this living situation supposed to work?” I ask Luhan this time.

He brushes my hair out of my face as he thinks the question over, “Since you are under age we should probably figure out something better than you just falling off the grid.”

“Why can’t she just transfer to our school?” Tao asks with a smile.

Everyone looks at Suho who nods, “That would probably be the easiest option. I can send an email out to your parents telling them you are a late acceptance and because of that you will have to live in the dorms. That way you can continue to stay with us.”

“You’ve thought this through pretty well,” Dino remarks, amusement in his voice. Suho looks away, a pink tint appears on his cheeks.

“How long am I going to be staying with you guys?”

Baekhyun hums, “Indefinitely.”

I think back to what Yoongi said, “So until you get bored of me?” No one answers me; they all just look away, annoyed by the question. “I just need to know if I should get attached or not.”

“Do you really think you’re going to get attached to us?” Kai snaps.

“Not if you keep up that attitude. It’s not a completely ridiculous thought, you guys are starting to like me aren’t you?”

Kai scoffs, “Don’t think so highly of yourself, just because we show interest in you doesn’t me we actually care about you. We just happen to like that pretty face of yours.” I look from him to everyone else, who is still looking away from me. When no one else says anything to make me think otherwise I stand up and start walking out of the living room. My blood boiling and my chest aching from the rejection, something I hate to deal with. That is why I’m single, why I’m a virgin, why Jihyo is my only real friend, I can’t deal with people turning me down in situations like this. I feel so stupid for thinking they would actually get attached to me.

“Oppa!” I yell as I speed walk in the direction the other boys went. I can hear the others behind me but I don’t stop, not wanting them to see the obvious blush on my face. “Joonie! Yoongi! Jinjin! Hoseok! Kookie! Taetae! Chimchim!”

“Where are you going?” Luhan yells from behind me. I just start taking random turns at this point, hoping it will lead me to an exit or my friends.

“Oppas!” I yell more desperately as the ones behind me get closer.

“Joo-ya?” Jin yells out from down the hall.

“Jin oppa!” I cry when I finally reach him, wrapping my arms around his neck and hiding my face in the crook of his neck. He hugs me tightly.

“It’s okay Joo, I got you,” He whispers softly to me.

“What happened Joo?” Namjoon asks placing a warm hand on my back.

“Noona,” The large maknae comes over to me, offering to take me from the older. “Hyung, you figure out what happened.” I go to the younger boy without a problem, he brings me into the room they came out of. Looking up quickly I see it’s the conference room, with a massive wood table and over a dozen chairs it looks like something you would see in a normal office. Kookie sits in one of the chairs comfortably with me in his lap even though I’m two, almost three, years older then him.

“We were gone for 45 minutes and you guys manage to make her break down, something that does not happen often,” Yoongi growls.

“I knew this would happen,” Jin sighs. “Jimin and Tae, you guys go and sit with them while we figure this out.”

“I want to see her!” I hear Kitty demand. I tighten my arms around Kookie, a silent plead for him to make them go away. Kookie just rubs my back soothingly.

“Not until we figure out what happened.”

Tae and Jimin join us in the conference room, sitting on either side of us, Jimin asks softly, “Noona, are you okay?”

With a deep breath I say, “I’m fine, they didn’t hurt me, I just needed to get away from them. All of them.”

“Do you want to go home?” Tae’s voice is still filled with concern.

“Please, just take me home.”

“What did they do to make you so upset?”

I sigh, coming out of my hiding place I let my hair hang in my face, but they can see my red cheeks through my hair. It’s rare to actually be able to see my blush with my tan skin so when it does happen, I have to be really embarrassed, something they know. “It’s nothing, I was really stupid and asked a question I should have guessed the answer to. Now I’m just embarrassed and want to go home as soon as possible so I can throw myself in my bed and never get out again.”

Kookie uses his hand to guide my chin so I’m forced to look him in the eye, “Oh Noona, did they reject you or something?” I tense before burrowing myself back into his neck to hide my face.

“How did you know?” I mumble.

“Because we know you Noona,” Kookie starts rubbing my back again, “Plus Jihyo noona has a really big mouth. She told us after the first few times we met that you are one of the strongest people she knows and that not matter what people say to you or try to do to you, you won’t care. The only thing that can upset you is rejection.”

I growl, “I suddenly don’t feel guilty for punching her.”

“Noona don’t be mad, she was just trying to explain to Hoseok hyung why you never date.”

“She needs to learn how to mind her own business.”

Kookie chuckles, “That won’t be happening anytime soon.”

I find myself laughing too.

“Sorry to ask this but what did you ask?” The always curious Tae wonders.

I lean back again, “I asked them how long they think I would be staying. They basically told me until they get tired of me. I asked how long that would be cause I wanted to know if I should get attached to them or not. Then that jackass Kai got snappy with me because I was stupid enough to assume they had grown to like me.”

“Of course they care about you.”

“Right? You would think so but apparently I’m just thinking to highly of myself. But since they don’t care about me at all it shouldn’t be a problem if I went home.”

“Like hell it isn’t!” Kitty growls from the now open doorway. “What did I say earlier? No taking it back! You are staying here and that is final, got it?” He turns around to the ten boys who chased me down the hall and smacks each one of them upside the head. “You lying pieces of shit. Don’t you dare say that shit to her again.”

“We didn’t say anything, hyung!” Panda whines, earning another smack.

“That’s right you didn’t say anything when that little tan bastard was lying to her. You guys must think I’m an idiot if you expect me to believe that none of you care for her.”

“I do,” Dragon admits without hesitation.

“I don’t know why you guys think she is like other girls who will take our shit, especially you Kai. She is only staying here because we want her to and if she doesn’t think we want her, she will try to leave. You can’t play hard to get when she already has you in the palm of her hand. Or do you guys take back all the shit you said this morning about liking her and wanting to be her friend because if so, back the fuck off and leave her to Kris and I. Understand?”

They all nod.

“Good, now come here little one,” Kitty holds a hand out expectantly.

“I still think I should leave.”

That is not a good answer.

As soon as the words are out of my mouth a vase goes flying, shattering against the far wall. The small table by the door that the vase was on is tipped over, followed by a few of my friends. I surprise myself by jumping off Kookie’s lap and running over to a very angry Kitty.

“Oppa I’m sorry!” I say as I grab on to his arm, stopping him from moving on to his own friends.

“Why do you want to leave? Is it because they scared or because those asses rejected you? I did nothing wrong, why are going to leave me?” He yells.

“Oppa,” I coo softly, hugging him tightly. It only takes a few seconds for him to calm down and hug me back. “I’m not leaving forever. Just so Suho-ssi can email my parents about the transfer if he is still planning on doing that.”

“He is,” Dragon answers for him, joining Kitty and I.

“So we should get going,” Namjoon says helping Hoseok off the floor.

“Why?” Dragon growls this time.

“So you guys can figure everything out. You all apparently need personal time to figure out what you want. Xiumin and Kris hyung may have figured it out but the rest of you need to get your shit together before she comes back. I don’t want her living in a place where she doesn’t feel wanted or safe or have to be afraid of possibly saying the wrong thing and being brought down to the dungeon,” Everyone tenses at the last few words out of Jin’s mouth.

“The dungeon,” I echo his words.

“Don’t worry about that sweetheart,” Dragon coos as he strokes my head.

Kitty nods, “If anyone has to worry about it, it’s these fools.”

I nod.

“Can we take her now?” Jin opens his arms to me but Kitty doesn’t let me go.

“Let us say our goodbyes well one of you younger boys runs up and gets her stuff from my room.” Kitty waves Jin’s hand away, leading me back threw the house stopping in a grand entrance that I some how missed. He stops and turns back around to face me, a deep frown graces his cute face. “Goodbye for now little one, be good. I’ll be waiting for you to come back.”

He is pushed out of the way by Dragon who engulfs my small frame in a hug, “Be careful, and remember not to tell anyone about what you saw, understand Sweetheart?”

I nod.

He kisses the tip of my nose, “Good girl.”

“Okay, this is getting really weird, lets go,” Yoongi pulls me away from the giant and drags me toward the door without any shoes on. Tae appears holding my things and offers me my heels from last night. “I can carry her to the car, it’s fine.”

“Give me one more second,” I plead with Yoongi who just nods but doesn’t let go of my hand. I look back at the ten men who seem to suddenly be more silent then I thought possible. “You guys have until I come back to figure out how you feel about me, how you react to me the next time we see each other is how I will react for the rest of time together, so choose wisely, got it?” I don’t wait for a response; I just bow before following Yoongi out the door.

************************

“I hear congratulations are in order!” My mom basically screams when I step in the house. My hang over had time to show its head on the hour-long drive to reach my house from theirs. I guess in that time Suho was able to type that email, I can imagine Dragon and Kitty breathing down his neck as he does so. My mom comes running down the hall to meet me at the door where I’m basically attacked with hugs and kisses, ones that don’t have me questioning my sanity for enjoying.

“Hi Mom,” I smile at her as she holds me out at arms length, her smile faltering when she notices my clothes. “We stayed with the boys since Ji got way too drunk to drive home and I don’t know the way.”

She nods, completely trusting the boys I’m now questioning, and drags me into the living room where the rest of my family is gathered watching TV. My two older sisters who are now in University are taking up all the empty seats on the large couch expect for one that I’m guessing my mom was occupying a few moments ago.

“Way to go Joo,” My oldest sister, Taeyoung, gives me a half assed smile before looking back at the TV.

“You finally did something,” Sungyoung comments without even giving me a glance.

My tight lipped smile gives my mom a big enough hint to let me go before I go upstairs to my room, not bothering to say hi to my dad who is far too focused on ignoring me. I collapse on my bed and roll myself up in my blankets, dreading moving in to that house but hating the idea of staying here more. The idea of staying here any longer with a family who has never really had any interest in having me makes my chest feel tight. Xiumin wants me. Kris wants me. But for how long? I groan. How did I get myself into this situation?

The last 24 hours has actually made me question my sanity. From agreeing to go to a shady club with Jihyo to agreeing to get in a van full of men I saw just murder a person. Lets not forget me agreeing to move in with them even though there is a good chance I will be rape and/or murdered while I am there. But my alarms, the things that have led me to where I am now, they must be broken or something. But yet, when I think about what went on threw the night and the morning to right now, I’m still unharmed. I was one of the few to walk out of that house alive that should mean something, right?

When the boys dropped me off they told me they would come get me on Monday morning and drive me to school. My new uniform will be here tomorrow since it was specially ordered from the headmaster of the whole school. A new school isn’t something I’ve thought about for awhile, let alone an elite private school that only rich kids and scholarship students can enter. Being neither smart nor rich or in the good graces of the headmaster at the moment I groan. The boys drove me past the school on the way home, since it’s Saturday the place was empty. I think back to the gorgeous academy, the massive U-shaped building with four stories, the fourth being the private lounge for only those who are invited in. I curl into myself, making a tight cocoon as if I could make myself disappear into thin air.

I don’t know if I’m ready for any of this.

“At least Jihyo will be there.”

Push yourself👊🏼

The hardest part of my weight loss has always been the motivation, keeping that momentum and pushing through on days when all I really want to do is sleep and eat pizza.

I’ve been working full time for the past few years and this has pros and cons, much like anything else. I can meal prep easier, I know how long my day is and when I’m going to eat and I can bring all my food with me. The days are busy so I usually eat less anyway.

The tough part is going to the gym after a really stressful day at work when I want to go home and binge watch Netflix and drinks lots of tea. I bring my gym stuff with my, I have a snack about an hour before I leave and I change straight after work. That way I’m walking home in my gym stuff and I think ‘well I’m already dressed I may as well go in’. Once I’m there I normally really enjoy my workouts.

By the time I get home, shower and make dinner it’s like 9pm and I’m tired. But I tell myself that prepping my meals and packing my bag tomorrow will take all of 20 minutes then I can go to bed. Self motivation is a huge thing for me and I try and focus on short term goals, so for example I’m going out dancing this weekend and I wanna look 💯. This actually motivates me and makes me get through the final 4 minutes of cardio when I feel like I’m going to die.

Or when it’s raining and I want to be lazy and get the bus home but instead I’m rushing to the running shop straight after work and saving up to buy new shoes because I know how important it is to me. I’ve just started running again and I want start right.

Find what works for you and try to stay motivated. I know how incredibly difficult it is and I’ve had so many highs and lows during my weight loss. I’m now 6lbs away from my LW and I’m so excited about it. I want to keep pushing myself to be better and faster and stronger and healthier💪🏼

Love You To Death 🌙

A/N: So I stumbled upon this in my word documents, which I wrote when I was thirteen years old. And I must admit that my writing style hasn’t changed much in the past four years, much to my embarrassment (oops). Please forgive me if you find any cringey stuff in this fic because let me repeat, thirteen years old and I know that most of us refuse to acknowledge our thirteen year old selves. Anyway, enjoy some kinky ghost Kai while I finish up requests x

Pairing(s): Kai/Jongin x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of sex

Genre: Very light smut/light supernatural

Requested: No

Summary: You and Ghost! Kai ‘interact’ with each other in the wee hours of the morning.

Word Count: 2563

*Side Note: This is a snippet from an old fic of mine, so if certain aspects are unclear, don’t fuss about them too much.

Originally posted by datkaidoe

As silently as I can, I shut the door behind me and quietly slip on my Converse. The icy night air whips at my face, numbing it as I make my way down the pitch-black corridor, occasionally bumping myself against the wall.

Ow.

Using my phone as a flashlight, I slowly navigate my way to the end of the corridor and inch up the creaky stairs that links to the attic. I’m not even supposed to be awake at this time of night as it is forbidden in the dorm…but who’s to stop me from doing what I want?

The trapdoor to the attic is stiff and creaky from lack of use but I manage to open it eventually. Dust surrounds me as I squint into the darkness, desperately searching for what I’m looking for.

Books, old clothes, broken furniture…

I paw through the piles of junk blindly, hoping to feel the silkiness of the cloth-wrapped package that (Y/F/N) chucked away. Then I stop, goosebumps forming on my arms and the hairs at the back of my neck standing on end. The temperature of the atmosphere drops rapidly.

He’s here.

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Company Is Welcomed

Crowley x Reader

Prompt #1: “Please don’t go. I don’t want to be alone.”

Summary: When a hunt turns rough, a certain someone is there to help you through it; will the fact that you almost died be enough to finally admit your feelings for Crowley?

Warnings: Swearing, slight torture, blood, and FLUFF

Word Count: 1706

A/N: This is for @waytooinlovewithdeanwinchester writing challenge. It should’ve been due back in December, but I’m completely horrible. Here it is! This is my first time writing any Supernatural x reader, so I hope you enjoy!

   Vampire nests are always easy to clear. Just stick to the plan, and everything will go smoothly. Unfortunately, working with the Winchesters is almost a guarantee that things will go wrong; and after hunting with them for 3 years, you think you would know this fact before you agreed to their plan in the first place. The plan is that you will be bait and on your word, the boys will jump out and help to take down the other vamps. This is only to happen once Sam and Dean scope out the warehouse to make sure there aren’t too many the three of you to handle.
   At their okay, you walk into the mostly empty warehouse that is basically in the middle of nowhere, keeping your wits about you. You see a shadow appear on the ground next to you and quickly turn to face the bloodsucker. About to give your cue to the boys for them to come and help out, you hear a low growl echo all around you. Turning your body in a slow circle, you see that you’re surrounded by way more than the three vamps that you were told there would be.
“Where are the brothers?” One steps forward from the shadows, lifeless eyes boring into you. With that question, you knew you had to keep your mouth shut.    
Shaking your head, you feigned innocence. “Who?”
With a short, unamused scoff, another vampire creeps up closely behind you. “You can’t expect us to believe that one hunter would attempt to take us on without backup?”
“To be fair, there were only meant to be three of you.” You mumble, trying to keep a quiver out of your voice. “That’s a fair amount for a strong hunter to take on.”
“She’s lying.” The first one states. “Her heartbeat sped up.”
The vamp behind you grabs your arms tightly. “Well we have to get it out of you somehow.” He whispers in your ear.
About to make a snarky comment back, you feel something hard hit your head, then everything went black.

   Coming to, you try to bring ah hand up to your pounding head, but realize that your hands are bound. You blink your eyes open, noticing there isn’t much light in the room.
   “Let’s see if your precious Winchesters will be able to find you now.” A sultry voice sounds from the shadows.
   “You moved locations.” You mumble, annoyed. The monster moved out into the dim light and nods, a smirk on her too overly drawn lips. “Good thing I came on this hunt alone.” You shoot out, realizing immediately how suspicious that had sounded.
   In a flash, the vampire moves right in front of you, straddling your legs and pouting.
   “Oh c’mon, I don’t like when I’m being lied to.” She drapes her arms around your shoulders. “It makes me really,” Her head comes close to yours. “Really,” She bares her teeth. “Angry.”
   Your eyes widen as you realize her antics and as you try to pull your head back, her eyes blaze in joy at the fear in your eyes and suddenly, her teeth pierce your neck.
   Biting your lip to keep from shouting out in pain, you feel a few tears slip down your face.
   “Where. Are. The. Winchesters?” The vampire asks, your blood dripping from her still bared teeth.
   “I don’t know.” You whisper.
   “Liar, liar.” She taunts, bringing her head forward again, this time to suck your blood. In no time at all, you begin to feel a little lightheaded.
   “Hmm, you’re pretty tough for losing so much blood.” The vampire notes. “But how long can you keep it up?” She gets up and circles around you, finally stopping on the other side of your neck. The feeling of her breath on your neck and the tips of her teeth ready to strike again, makes you tense up in anticipation.
   “I’d step back if I were you.” A voice growls.
   Looking over the vampire’s shoulder, you let out a breath of relief once you recognize the brothers. Their eyes widen in shock at the sight of your state. Pale skin, sunken eyes, wounds in your neck, and blood continuing to spill out. You’re losing too much blood, and it’s obvious on their faces that you look horrible, and need help. Soon.
   The vampire glares at you. “You lied to me, you little bitch.” She basically growls. “You’re going to pay.” Her voice turns dark, as she rakes her sharp nails against her skin to form a line, eyes gleaming in what can only be described as evil. “Let’s see what happens when you become the very thing your little pals hunt.”
   With wide eyes, you realize what she means as she brings her arm to your neck.
   “P-please, you don’t have to do this. There’s no point!” You try to reason with her.
   “But you lied to me.” She pouts, sounding sad. “Liars must pay.” She says in a way that makes you realize that there’s some back story behind why she dislikes liars so much.
   “Yeah you said that before.” Dean pipes up, creeping closer at a slow pace so she won’t notice. “What do you mean by that?” He asks, attempting to distract the bloodsucker.
   “Why must she pay? Because liars-” Her voice cuts off as her head is lopped off her body by something you can’t see.
   You let out a breath of relief and open your mouth to thank a Winchester, but your jaw drops at the sight in front of you.
   A certain suit clad, red eyed demon stands tall, a smirk on his face.
   “Crowley?” You breathe, feeling very lightheaded from the loss of blood.
   “Thee one and only, dove.” The smirk on his face slowly falls as he takes in your state. “Darling, look at you…” He walks to your side to detect how much help you need. With a snap of his fingers, the pain from your neck subsides. Crowley works at the ropes on your arms and legs, continuing to study your face. Although his demon mojo healed the wound on your neck, it can’t replace the amount of blood you had lost, and he can’t help but worry about you by the way your eyes keep slowly shutting, only to snap back open to settle your gaze on him.
   “Crowley, thanks for the help, but I think we’ve got it from here.” Dean says stiffly, walking over to pick you up.
   The King of Hell nods solemnly, knowing he is no longer wanted.
   “N-no!” You whimper. “I want Crowley.” You muster out.
   With a soft smile, Crowley leans forward and lifts you into his arms, kissing your forehead before raising his head and walking toward the Winchesters.
   “I’ll take her back to your so-called home, but don’t worry, I won’t harm my little kitten.” He looks down at you, pure adoration in his eyes.
   In a flash, you two are out of the dark room, and in your room at the bunker.
   “There you are, darling.” Crowley almost purrs, moving you into your bed.
   You still feel quite lightheaded, but the realization that you almost died starts sinking in. Eyes flickering to the red eyes demon, you notice your heart speeding up, and your face turning red. You had been falling for the King of Hell since you first met him. Why did the event of you almost dying make you suddenly want to shout it from the rooftops?
   “I’ll leave you to yourself now, love. Remember, just call my name if you need me, and I’ll be here.” Crowley moves to snap his fingers and vanish, but you quickly sit up and grab his arm.
   “Please don’t go, I don’t want to be alone.” You whisper.
   “Don’t fret, darling, those Winchesters should be home soon.” He pushes you to lay down again, stroking your hair softly. “You need to stay still.”
   “No, Crowley. I want you here with me.” You spring onto your knees to place a hand on his cheek. “I-I’m so sorry. I’ve never said anything before, and now I can’t even get it out. Crowley-”
   His gaze stays locked with yours as you lean forward and capture his lips with yours.
   “Dove, you’re not feeling well. We can discuss this when you’re not loopy from blood loss.” His eyes sparkle with what you can only identify as hope.
   “I’ll feel the same then too, just like I have been feeling. Crowley… I’ve been falling for you since you first called me kitten.” You smile, as he lets you guide him to sit on the bed. “I just, I never actually admitted it to myself until tonight.” Leaning forward, your gaze flickers between his chocolate brown eyes, and pink lips. “You show me how you feel all the time,and tonight, I could’ve turned into one of them, or even died and-” You break off, breath quickening.
   “Shh, shh, don’t over-do anything.” His hands smooth your hair, and urge you to lay down.
   “I could’ve died with you never knowing how I feel.” You finish in a whisper, gazing up at him.
   “Oh darling,” His hand caress your cheeks and he kisses your forehead. “I’ve known. I could tell, even when you couldn’t.” His lips curl into a smirk.
   “Then please stay with me. Please.” You’re almost ready to beg.
   “How could I resist?” He kisses you softly, moving his lips against yours in the most gentle way possible, moving to lay next to you and bring you in his arms. “With me, you won’t be alone. I’ll be here whenever you need me, dove, or should I say kitten since it’s what made you fall in love with me.”
   You roll your eyes and curl into the powerful demon who is being so careful with you.
   “Get some rest kitten. I’ll be here when you wake up, and then I’ll take you on a proper date. How does that sound?”
   No answer.
   “Dove?”
   The only sound in the room is your deep breathing as you sleep against him.
   “Dove?”
   You stir and clutch his shirt lightly.
   “Sleep well my darling.” He sighs with a small smile, kissing your head. “Sleep well.”

10

Mattie: Matt is a bit of an insomniac and often works late nights and early mornings so he tends to sleep on the outside of the bed for convenience. Alfie being the big baby that he is tends to sleep in the middle so he can get more cuddles, but otherwise we do try to switch it up every now and then. Matt cuddles do need to be shared (he is the best cuddler.)

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SLEEP PARALYSIS TRICK

ok so i have the kind of sleep paralysis where i get stuck in a dream-loop where i’m getting up and out of bed over and over and it’s soooo hard to will myself out of it and every time i’m not REALLY doing it. and i’m learning how to ACTUALLY get out of it, and i found a trick that works for me.

SCRUNCH UP YOUR DANG FACE LIKE THIS

for me, this works because i have REAL control of my face muscles and i can wake myself up doing this

i talked to a twitter friend and they told me that what works for them is FINDING THE MUSCLE YOU CONTROL and TENSE AND UNTENSE IT, sometimes what works for me is just USING IT OVER AND OVER even if i can only do it a little bit, which can help. if you don’t have control over any, try to do this anyway and you can sometimes “unthaw” them

a thing that worked for me recently when the face thing didn’t was doing a grabby hands with one hand, like this kitty-cat

anyway i thought i would share that because it really helped me cope

Best Friend Duty (Yoongi x Reader)

This is for my anon that requested Random Lines Post #8 with Yoongi! I hope you like it. 

Originally posted by meanyoongis

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff (kinda), Comedy(ish)

Word Count: 5,355

Summary: Baby Fever, Best friends, and Beautiful Beginnings. 

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2

Imagine Dean trying to control himself when sleeping next to you because you’re “Just Friends”.

Characters: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Lil bit of Angst

Word Count: 1,100

A/N:  I apologize in advance. This is written from Dean’s POV, first person, present tense. It may be COMPLETE garbage 

This is my submission for @one-shots-supernatural SPN Hiatus Writing Challenge. The line this week was: Is this one of those times where you want me to lie to protect your delicate emotions? 

I hope you like the way this turned out. Sorry you haven’t seen anything from me in a while!  In an effort to actually get you guys something today, I have opted to make this imagine a 2 parter. Don’t hate me! Part 2 will be from the reader’s point of view.You will get part 2 tomorrow, but what the hell will happen? You can speculate in the mean time. ;)

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sproelium  asked:

Hello, hope you're ok. So I've working a lot with the elements, and I wanted to know how can we know which element we belong to the most? Plus, I need energy and motivation. I am manico-depressive. And during my downs moment, I just need some strength and bravery to stay out of my bed until it's bed time. Will you help me please? Thanks. 🕊

Hello. Thanks for writing to me! I myself have struggled with mental illness, so I might have an idea of difficult it can be, particularly the downswings! I’m not in your head, though, and I do realize that it’s a very individual thing, and your experience may be different than mine. In any case, I hope you’ve found people, including professionals, willing to help you through this. It can be extraordinarily difficult to get actual treatment for these things sometimes, because there’s so much stigma and also just a lack of people who understand.

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t give medical advice. As someone who is both a witch and a survivor of mental illness, though, I will say that magic can be a helpful coping mechanism when combined with normal treatment, and the elements are great topic to focus on in magical practice. I’ve come to find that magick gives my life an extra layer of structure and stability and a sense of connection, which is helpful for some people. 

You mention a desire for strength and bravery. I’d wager you’re pretty brave already to be studying magick to begin with, but I realize it’s difficult to feel your own bravery sometimes. Now, many magicians and witches would probably tell you that if you’re interested in bravery and strength, you should work with fire exclusively, but I disagree. In my view, all the elements have qualities of strength and bravery. It’s a different kind of bravery with each, though, and a different kind of strength. 

Anyways, in my view, nobody is going to be entirely governed by one element or belong to just one. Nevertheless, concepts like personal elements exist for a reason, and at any given time, you can probably feel the forces of the all the elements at work within you. Yes, it is quite common for a person to have an elemental type (though it may change at various points in their life).  I would argue that there’s probably two elemental characteristics a person might try to discover about themselves at certain times - the element they currently inhabit, and the one they wish to move into or bring into their life more often.

Some believe a person’s astrological sun sign is a clue to their dominant element - for example, they might see someone born a Virgo as predisposed to Earth traits because Virgo is an Earth sign. Others take it further and will examine a person’s entire natal chart and the way the planets, etc. interact within it for signs of an element dominating. This approach has never really resonated with me, personally but it can be a good starting point for some folks.

The best method for determining your own elemental affinity is, in my opinion, simple self-examination and introspection. This can take many forms, but should probably begin just by studying all the elements and their relationship to the structure of the universe. I don’t recommend focusing on one in particular to start with,  but instead just reading, researching, and (perhaps most importantly) working with all of them as much as possible. The idea is to get a feel for the forces they embody and how they interact with your psyche right now, both as concepts and as actual physical matter. 

By “as concepts,” I mean developing connections not (just) with the physical things representing each element, but with the plethora of mental associations that exist for each, as well. This means that, to connect with (for example), water, I would recommend not simply interacting with water or ritual tools but doing research into the nature of emotion, which is strongly associated with water in the Western Magical Tradition. Similarly, connecting with air would involve more than burning incense (though doing that can be awesome, as well) - air is associated with intellect and swiftness, so exploring your intellectual side is helpful in understanding it.

This is not as well-known as it used to be, but some ancient peoples thought of the elements themselves as combinations of fundamental universal principles. In the image above, I discuss this. They tended to see each element as active or passive as well as categorizing them into mutable and fixed. 

I struggle a bit with certain elements (earth, mostly) and it does help sometimes to think of things this way. In terms of finding your element, you might ask yourself if you’re more active or passive. You might then explore whether you’re prone to change (mutable) or more consistent (fixed). You could then look into the elements associated with those categories in turn.

One thing that I found helpful over the years - scrying the elements. Most people think of scrying as fortunetelling, but the same technique can be used to explore a concept like an element.  As I described in the image above, I do believe each element as a medium has advantages in terms of particular scrying topics, but it is equally possible to just scry on the subject of the element’s place in your own life. I would recommend doing this with the element itself as a medium, if possible, but I realize not everyone can do that.

One technique for doing this would be to frame each scrying session as spirit communication and call on the spirits traditionally believed to rule over each element. You may have heard of entities called undines, sylphs, gnomes and salamanders - though they sound a bit fanciful, those are just terms for any spirit borne of a particular element. Undines are water-creatures, gnomes are associated with earth, sylphs are airy, and salamanders are fiery. All are often called “elementals.”

I’ve personally sought the four elemental kings, who are said to supervise these creatures, but there are other entities traditionally associated with each element, as well. I recommend this site for more information about them, but Wikipedia actually has a good overview, too. If you’re not much for scrying to communicate with specific spirits, you might try (as I said) just asking to receive knowledge regarding how a particular element is manifesting in your current life.

One thing worth remembering: even in the system of the ancients, the elements were far from the whole story in terms of how they described reality. In the diagram below, which resembles on seen in Robert Allen Bartlett’s book, Real Alchemy (credit where credit is due!), you can see how alchemists in particular developed the notion of elements in combination creating three essential forces: mercury, salt, and sulphur. These are concepts, not actual physical chemicals, though. You may actually find that one of these describes you better, thus implying you’d have dual elemental association at this point in time. I’ve met people who identified, for example, with mercury more than anything else.

I realize that if you’re experiencing anything like downswings (I’ve had ‘em before), this whole process can be difficult, though, but I don’t think it’s something to stress over. It might be helpful to just enjoy the elements in and of themselves for a while, if you can. I know that when I was depressed, I’d do things like burn candles, incense, or making tea, all exercises that could be magical if you see them right, but I didn’t force myself to think too much about deeper aspects of it again until I started getting better. No one knows you better than you, though, so I’d suggest experimenting to figure out what helps you feel better when these things happen. For me, it was just simple exercises that I didn’t put much thought into until later, but you’re a completely different person and might respond better to something else. I really wish you the best and hope things get better for you. 

anonymous asked:

Prompt? Sanvers: Alex gets a bit roughed up on duty and Maggie is all concerned but Alex is mostly mad that it hurts to kiss with a busted lip.

So I adapted this prompt to be after 2x19 and Alex just being bruised and sore after the ordeal.


Maggie turns from where she’s brewing coffee, hearing Alex’s step behind her.

“Danvers, I told you to stay in bed, you know I’ll bring you your coffee.”

“But I don’t like my bed without you, it’s cold and you’re warm and I miss you,” Alex pouts, walking up behind Maggie, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, moving her dark hair over one shoulder so she can kiss her neck. Maggie hums into Alex’s touch and leans back as Alex moves her lips up, nipping lightly on Maggie’s ear.

“I love you,” Alex whispers and Maggie still can’t help the way her heart rate speeds up with those words and she knows she’ll never get tired of those words leaving Alex’s lips.

“I love you too baby, that’s why I need you to get back into bed.” Maggie turns in Alex’s arms and leans up slightly to place a kiss on Alex’s lips, not missing the way Alex’s gasps as one of her old Stanford t shirts rises up, exposing the soft, toned skin of Maggie’s stomach. Alex itches to touch her, to worship her, and she has and she will over and over again, never getting tired of whispering those three words as she makes Maggie cum hard.

“I’m fine babe,” Alex justifies, stepping back and waving her arms around and bending to touch her toes, giggling.

“Danvers!” Maggie laughs. “You’re supposed to be resting, not playing the fool.”

Alex rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

“Look, I know you’re worried about me, and it’s cute and I love it, I really do. But I promise you Mags, I wouldn’t exert myself unnecessarily. I mean, before,” Alex shrugs, glancing at the floor. 

“Before I met you, I probably would have. I was reckless, putting my life on the line without a second thought, because I didn’t have anyone apart from Kara who I wanted to live for. But now Maggie, after that-“ 

Alex shudders at the memory, the constant memory of water, water water water, and no air, her vision going black as remembers how she was grateful, grateful for Maggie for allowing her to be herself and loving her so much she came into her own. Maggie sees the pain flash through Alex’s eyes and she pulls her closer again, whispering that she’s ok, she’s ok.

Alex takes a deep breath, smiling at her girlfriend, here, with her, alive. 

"After the tank, I would never want to risk losing you again. And I know my job, our jobs, mean we rush headlong into danger often without a second thought and that’s the way it is. But I promise I will be all the more careful, all the more calculated when taking risks, because I nearly died Magggie and you were my last thought. The feel of your lips against mine, the way your smile can change my whole day, the way you make me feel safe and strong, the way you let me be weak without making me feel weak. The way I love you. So yeah, we’re going to be in life and death situations and I can only hope and trust that we err on the side of life, but I will do my very very best to keep myself alive. And you better do the same,” Alex smiles softly, chuckling.

“Alex,” Maggie whispers out. “God I love you, I am so in love with you and I promise to keep myself alive until we’re old and grey and you actually can’t get out of bed without some form of assistance.”

Alex laughs at that. “In your dreams Sawyer, I’m still going to be the DEO’s top Agent at 95.

Maggie barks out a laugh.

"Sure thing Danvers, but for now the couch and Netflix and me looking after you, okay?”

Alex softens at the concern in her girlfriend’s eyes and nods. “Okay, but we’re getting pizza for dinner.”

“Whatever you want babe, I’ll invite Kara and she can bring them.”

“Mmmm,” Alex hums as she sits on the couch, beckoning for Maggie, cups of coffee in her hands, to join her.

Maggie snuggles herself into Alex’s open arms, but Alex winces when she brings her left arm down around Maggie and Maggie is jumping back and Maggie is staring at her because oh God Alex hurts and Alex is in pain, and she should have got back into bed and let Alex sleep some more or something.

“Maggie. Maggie, hey baby calm down. Look at me,” Alex lifts Maggie’s chin so their eyes meet.

“It’s ok, just my shoulder and my ribs, it’s ok, I’m ok. Well, I’m mad that it hurts to cuddle you the couch, but I’m ok.”

Maggie relaxes and manoeuvres herself on the the couch, pillows on her lap as she grabs a throw from the back of the couch and pats her lap.

“Lay your head on me Alex, we can cuddle like this, and I promise you can be the big spoon when your ribs aren’t broken.”

“‘Kay,” Alex grumbles, but she lays her head on Maggie’s lap and sighs as she feels Maggie’s hands run through her hair and dance softly against her neck, sighing in contentment.

She may have come too close to life without Maggie, but this, right now was perfect. She was alive, she was ok and so was Maggie, and they had each other. They had each other and they loved each other, and maybe life would never be easy, but it would always be worth it.

The last two months have been incredibly tough. May was full of family troubles and daunting decisions. Most days in June I could barely bring myself to get out of bed. I’ve never felt so anxious, angry or alone before.

But it’s July, and here I am. This is the first post I’ve made in months. I think it’s significant because it means my will to succeed, to better myself, is still here. I’m not gonna lie. Things still suck. I’m unmotivated and sad a lot of the time. But despite that, I’m still being me, doing what I’m doing.

If you’re actually still reading this: thanks. Studyblr has proved to me that there’s joy in learning, that you can try to be the best version of yourself, that people all over the world are striving for this and supporting each other. So here’s to July: proof that we’ve made it so far, and we’ll all get where we want to be.

Endless fighting ending with smut

I crawled into bed around 1 in the morning, I tried waiting for Kian to text me and tell me He was on his way home, but I was just too tired. I texted him really quickly before I fell asleep “hey baby, dinner is ready on the stove whenever you come home. I love you. Be safe. -xo”
I woke up the next morning and rolled over and there He was. I have no idea when he came home or how drunk he was when he did, but he was home and that’s what matters right?
We’ve been dating just over three years and for the last few months he’s been quite distant. He parties with his friends every night and doesn’t ask me if I want to come, he doesn’t tell me where he’s going or even that he’s leaving. By the time he wakes up I’m so annoyed that I scream at him when I see him. “You’re finally awake huh? Maybe if you came home at a decent time you could actually spend time with me.” I slammed the door behind me and he didn’t try to follow me. This was going to be a long day at work.

By the time my shift had ended Kian was already at the next party. This repeated endlessly. JC reassured me that Kian never cheated or even talked to any other girls at the parties but that almost makes it worse. Does he just want nothing to do with me that he pretends I don’t exist? I just wanted to be important. I loved him so much it killed me. I didn’t bother waiting up for him tonight. I just crawled into bed with a bottle of tequila. I’m pretty sure I sent him some drunk Snapchat’s of me crying asking why I wasn’t enough but I’ll never know because he didnt acknowledge them.

I left for work the next morning without seeing Kian, and he wasn’t there when I got home. I looked at the calendar. This was the fourth night in a row of him not being home. I sighed and cooked up dinner. Left some on the stove for him, grabbed the tequila and crawled into bed alone, again.

I woke up again and Kian was on the couch. Great, he didn’t even want to sleep in the same bed as me now. I slammed the door and drove to work. Once again, not finding him there when I got home.

I looked at the clock. Midnight. Kian still wasn’t home, and I hadn’t heard from him. I shouldn’t be surprised this was becoming normal for him. It seemed like five nights out of the week he was out with the boys until late and came home and went straight to bed. It made me mad, but it hurt me more than anything. I missed him. He was my main priority and I wasn’t feeling like I was one of his at all anymore. I typed out a million texts before I found the right words. “Kian, I’m not sure where you are, and I’m not sure you even care that I’m not there with you. It seems like all we can do lately is fight.. I just want to feel important to you. I miss you. I’ll be at Jessica’s house if you care.” I sighed as I hit send and jumped in my car and drove to my best friends house. I pulled into her driveway and she was waiting on the porch. She handed me a bottle of tequila and gave me a huge hug. “I thought maybe you needed something strong tonight.” She shrugged as I opened the bottle and put it to my lips. “You always know exactly what I need.” I smiled at her as we walked inside.

Kian’s POV
I pulled out my phone to check the time and saw that y/n had texted me. I sighed and opened it up and began to read it. My heart stopped after I read the text and I threw my phone across the room. She made me so fucking mad sometimes. She didn’t understand that I just needed to hang out with my boys sometimes. She’s always pouting and throwing fits trying to make me feel guilty. Jc walked up to me and handed me my shattered phone “What was the for dude?” He asked “y/n is trying to guilt me into coming home.” I snapped. “I don’t fucking understand why she gets so moody when I go out!” Jc looked at me like I was an idiot. “What?!” I snapped “well man, you’ve only gone out with us for the last five nights in a row, came home to dinner waiting on the stove for you, and the LOVE of your LIFE asleep in your bed after trying to wait up for you so she could actually spend time with you. Then by the time you wake up, she’s working or you start screaming at her because you’re hungover and grouchy.” I looked at him, “no, that’s not true! You don’t see the texts from her. She pouts because she doesn’t know where I am or when I’m coming home like she’s my damn mom or something.” I spout back. Jc just looked at me “or, “ he started “maybe she loves you and wants to spend quality time with you.” “I doubt it.” I growled as I walked away. It was 3:00 in the morning by the time we walked into our house. Expecting y/n to have been bluffing and be asleep in our bed I walk into the bedroom and crawl into bed. I reach over and go to pull her close to me and she’s not there. She’s actually not here. “JC” I scream “SHES GONE SHES NOT HERE WHAT DO I DO.” I’m drunk and I can feel myself panicking and losing my breath “breathe. I’m sure she’s just at a friends. She’ll come home tomorrow just go to bed. You’re too drunk to do anything tonight anyways” I sigh knowing he was right and crawl back into bed. Halfway through the night I’m still awake because somehow I can’t sleep in our bed without her there. I pull out my laptop and get on Facebook and message her “baby please come home, I’m so sorry. I broke my phone after I read your text last night I’ve been an ass please come home.” I hit send and go out and lay on the couch to try to get some sleep. I wake up a few hours later and check my computer, she read my message two hours ago but she didn’t answer me. Fuck. Which friends house did she say she was at? I can’t remember. Fuck. I get up and punch the wall as hard as I can. “I fucking suck” I mutter to myself.

Your POV
it’s been three days since I left my house. I’ve just been in my best friends bed sulking. Kian was losing his mind texting me, calling me and trying to FaceTime me. I didn’t answer any of them. Serves him right I thought. He does this to me every day. I rolled my eyes. Right as I put my phone down my best friend walked in. “Sweetie, I love having you here, but if you’re not leaving him, I think he’s suffered enough. I think you need to go home.” She said quietly. I knew she was right. I stood up and gave her a big hug. “Call me” she whispered. “Good luck.” “Thanks for everything.” I said as I headed out to my car.
I pulled into my driveway as JC was pulling out. He gave me a soft smile and mouthed “I’m sorry” I smiled and nodded my head. “Me too” I answered. I opened the front door expecting to see a huge mess on the couch that was my drunk boyfriend but he wasn’t there. “Jc did you forget something?” He called from the bedroom. I paused and didn’t answer. My heart was in my stomach. I had no idea what he would do when he saw me, I didn’t know if I should expect angry Kian or the guy I fell in love with. I found out soon enough as he rounded the corner calling “Jc is that you?” Only for him to see me and run to me and pick me up crying. “You came home” he sobbed “I didn’t think I would ever see you again. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to take you for granted, I didn’t mean to make you feel unimportant you are literally the most important thing in my life. I thought you left me I thought you were gone.” He rambled as he held me closer than he had in a long time. “Kian all my stuff is here, why would you think I left without any of my stuff.” I pondered out loud. ”because I’m an idiot and treated you like shit and you haven’t talked to me in three days or came home in three days. I thought you just didn’t want anything that reminded you of me so you left all of you stuff and just left me.” He was still crying, and still holding me to his chest. He picked me up and carried me to the couch and sat me on top of his lap. He kissed me, gently at first and then passionately. “Never leave me again.” He whispered. “I need you.” “I won’t.” I answered. “I need you too Ki, that’s why I’ve been fighting you so much.. you’ve practically ignored me for a week now. I didn’t think you cared.” He pulled me closer, “I care more than anything, I’m so sorry, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.” I looked up at him, and noticed the hole in the wall behind us. “Uhh, Ki?” I asked gently “why is there a hole in the wall.” He buried his head ashamed, “I may have lost my mind without you.” He said quietly. “I broke my phone too.” “Baby,” I cooed, “you have to be careful you’re going to get hurt.” I said kissing the top of his head. “I know, I know.” He answered. “I’m sorry.” He apologized once again. I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into our bedroom. “There’s one positive thing to come out of fighting..” I said biting my lip “what’s that?” He asked softly staring at my lips knowing full well what the answer was. I pulled him on top of me and pulled his shirt over his head. I kissed his neck and his chest until he flipped us over so I was on top. I kissed all the way down his body until I reached his jeans, I unzipped and slid them off and pulled out his penis and slipped it into my mouth. I missed him so much. He pulled me up and pulled off my dress revealing that I hadn’t bothered to put on a bra or underwear. “Fuck babe.” He groaned “you’re so fucking sexy” he slipped my breast into his mouth and gently bit on my nipple. He pulled the other one into his mouth and did the same thing. He kissed down my body until he got down to my pussy. He kissed my thighs and gently starting kissing my pussy. “Ki, I need you.” I groaned “soon princess soon.” He teased “no now.” I fired back. I needed to feel him fill me up. I craved him inside me. “I need to feel you inside me Kian please.” I begged some more knowing he couldn’t resist when I begged for him. With one smooth motion he slipped his dick inside me “fuck babe” and started pumping in and out passionately kissing every part of my body he could reach. “I love you y/n” he moaned as he filled my pussy with his hard cock. “I love you Kian Robert Lawley” I moaned loudly “fuck Kian! Harder!” I screamed. An hour later he collapsed on top of me breathlessly. He nuzzled his face into my neck and softly kissed the hickey that was starting to appear. “Mine.” He whispered possessively. “Yours.” I answered him. “Always.” We fell asleep like that and when I woke up he was already up. I walked into the kitchen and he had five dozen roses scattered along our countertop and a freshly made breakfast waiting for me at the table. He greeted me with a hug and a kiss “I love you Princess. Forever.”

I started taking zoloft and i feel so much better
I can laugh without being confused as to what other people are laughing at
I can get out of bed
I can actually feel like doing something
I can love myself again
I can talk to my family and friends more
I just feel good about everything in my life right now

Okay, real talk (and this is taking some confessions from me that are pretty hard to write down, as silly as it sounds):

Every medical professional I’ve talked to so far says I’m “high functioning.” Mental health experts express surprise when I mention needing to work on daily function. Because I showed up to an appointment - my first appointment with this person - and seemed reasonably “high functioning,” they closed it with a laugh and a casual remark that “I don’t think you’ll need that. That’s for people who do things like never brush their teeth.”

For a brief, days-long period every three to five weeks, I remember to brush my teeth. Once a day. The time period is my best guess, because without a current routine I have an incredibly poor sense of time.

And like, that’s the thing. I know there are people who have way more trouble functioning than me, of course, and I know that there are so many cases when you can tell to meet someone that they have a much harder time than I do. I can speak to strangers, some people can’t, that’s important. I can drive and follow directions, some people can’t, that’s important. Basically the function of this paragraph is to make it super, super clear that I don’t think “I’m the most neurodivergent person out there” or “clearly these people are privileged over me because people see their difficulty more.” I don’t think that. That’s gross. No.

The point is that you actually do not know how high functioning other people are. No matter how well you know them! My mom didn’t know I was forgetting to brush my teeth so often. Most people probably don’t know it takes me forty-five minutes to get myself in and out of the shower, or that I take hours-long periods out of my days to lie in bed under the covers just to have the sensation of that weight on top of me, or that it’s a rare, rare time when I can do the dishes or do my laundry without a full week of reminders. Cleaning my room is a transition and needs to be thought through. Cleaning myself is a transition and needs to be thought through.

These are things that happen in my home, and that I don’t tell my friends, and that I have enough support here to force me to keep moving juuuuust enough to be presentable whenever I’m out in public.

Anyway I’m new to this, and to knowing that these things are actual areas in which my neurodivergence means life is difficult for me as opposed to things I don’t do because I’m lazy, so I’m not going to make this some big post about why people prefer not to use functioning labels or any other big, sweeping generalization speaking on a community’s behalf.

I’m just making this post to go hi, this is what this one particular neurodivergent person looks like. This is what it feels like when you tell someone to their face they must be “high functioning” when they’re looking at their life and going no, seriously, I’m asking for help. 

It’s not some huge, important post or anything like that, but it’s another voice to throw out there anyway. Just, uh. Thank you for reading.

anonymous asked:

I ship ignis and aranea. I dont know how to explain how this ship seems so simple and beautiful. And i can really see them together, i love both of them. Headcanon for them confessing their feelings for each other?

(what’s the ship name anyways? i’ve seen ignea and highspecs ? does the fandom have an agreement or is it as split as lunoct/noctuna/noctluna? lol)

And oh gosh yes, they are really really growing on me. Like at first it was casual, and now I’m like “Wow. …Wow. Just wow. Look at them. They are perfect.” Like, Ignis just treats her so differently? He very clearly has a thing for her? And she gets so shy whenever he’s gentlemanly towards her? Like she tries to brush it off “I’m so badass yup hahah I know” but she’s actually like “OH MY GOD HE SAID A NICE THING ABOUT ME SHIT SHIT SHIT HOW DO YOU SHOW YOU LIKE A BOY DO YOU PUNCH HIM I THINK YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH HIM WAIT NO BAD” like oh my god she’s such a romantic but doesn’t want to show it, I love them holy shit yup just typing this out cemented it oops I have another ship now dammit XD

Ignis Confessing
-He tries to be a bit subtle and poetic about it. Takes her out on a date, pays her lots of compliments anytime an opportunity presents itself (like, not just out of nowhere “Wow you’re beautiful” but she might say something about work and he’d compliment her on how she handles it, her strength, her leadership, that sorta thing)

-She’s so shy about his compliments though that it makes her clam up a little lol oops awkward well at least he figures that out and stops laying it on so thick. Ahahahah oh gosh, glasses fogged up, taking them off and cleaning them with a slightly embarrassed expression as he mumbles that he’s been trying to show his appreciation and affection for her, not to embarrass her

-She’s probably inwardly a flustered blubbering mess and outwardly she’s like “Eh? Huh? Oh, uh, y-yeah, uh, that’s cool, uhm, me too?” lol

-Like these two Cool Calm and Collected adults just cannot keep that up around each other when they’re first really addressing this thing (they get themselves together quick enough afterwards though, promise, it’s just when they first actually address these romantic feelings that they cannot keep from being flustered)

Aranea Confessing
-Probably she tries to be all cool about it and actually get him to do the confessing, like asking him why he’s invited her (and only her) over for dinner 3 times already this week lol

-By the time she wants to confess, she’s probably over the blubbering part and like “Yup ok I’m not being silly I actually love that guy let’s do this” because she’d probably be critical of herself for getting so blushy over him so she can play it cool

-She probably adores the kind of trope seen often in fanfic (ahem i’m guilty of it myself lol), the kind of… Sparring together and getting turned on, and she tries to arrange a way to confess to him using that. And by “confess” I mean “make out with” (and then confess. in bed. after sex. like ‘yeah i want this as a permanent arrangement what do you think?’ “I wouldn’t be here if I felt otherwise.”)

Favorite Scenes: Discussion on the Bench during The Cure (1.06)

I know where you got your information … about Claire Williams.  What was her price?  What did Nina Sharp want in return?

Nothing untoward, if that’s what you’re worried about.

Peter.

You don’t have to worry about me. I am a big boy.  I can take care of myself.  You have been looking out for me, so I’m just returning the favor.

Thank you.

There was no letter today, was there?

No.

Happy birthday.

You better get back upstairs before Walter falls asleep in your bed.

Yeah.  He has actually done that before … while I was sleeping. Really not something you want to wake up to.

Good night.

Good night. 

[Peter watches Olivia’s young ass as she glides to her car]