so he wrote me a letter

It's Just Fan Fic...

I got an email from a reader earlier.  The sender was a lovely young woman who had just re-read my first published fic and wanted to tell me how much she enjoyed it—how it made her feel, how it made her smile, how it made her cry, how it made her excited to get home each night and curl up in bed with it, how it helped ease the pain of a difficult patch in her life, and how much she misses it now that it’s over.  It was a beautiful letter, and my reaction to it must have been visible enough to make my saner half take notice from across the room.  He shot me a questioning look, and I turned the laptop around and gestured to the screen.

I followed his eyes as they scanned each line, saw his lips tip up in a smile that grew broader as he read, then braced myself for the good natured snark I’ve come to expect when my little literary hobby comes up in conversation.

“Wow.” He said. “That was kind of amazing.  How does it feel to be someone’s favorite author?”

“Don’t be a dick,” I said, slapping him on the shoulder.

“I’m serious,” he replied, gesturing to the screen.  "That’s what she said—right there: You’re my favorite author.”

“I think she means favorite fic author.  Not real author.”

“Is there a difference?” He asked.

Yes,” I said, rolling my eyes.  ”Of course there is.”

“Why?”

“Because, as someone in this room who isn’t ME is fond of pointing out, self published gay mystery romance novels aren’t exactly eligible for the pulitzer.” I said, turning the computer back around.

“So what?” he shrugged, “Something you wrote inspired a stranger to sit down write what it meant to them and send it to you.  A lot of total strangers, as a matter of fact.  You write, people read it and react.  That makes you an author.”

“Huh.” I said, very eloquently, then got up and went into the kitchen to start dinner.

Hours later, sitting down to reply to the letter in question I find myself writing this post instead.  Because here’s the thing: That wonderfully crazy man who lives in my house is right.  (But please don’t tell him I said that)

From the moment I realized that letters made up words and words made up sentences and sentences made up worlds that were mine to explore any time I wanted to I’ve been a reader.  I have fallen in love with perfect phrases and epic stories and countless characters pressed between the pages of the thousands of books I’ve read in my life so far—and sitting down to string together those same 26 letters into tens of thousands of words of stories I felt needed telling?  That makes me an author.

I have adored the work of countless authors in numerous genres, and the world of fan fic is no exception.  I have admired and cherished and savored the words of talented writers whose work is no less legitimate for the fact that their names include random keyboard characters and their words don’t live on bound paper on a shelf.  

It’s not JUST fan fic.  It’s literature.  It’s published.  It’s read.  It’s loved.

It matters.

Thanks to all of my favorite authors for every word on every page on every screen that I’ve ever loved. 

Literally just all the sexual things Alexander Hamilton sent to John Laurens


“I love you.”

This one is pretty self explanatory. Men were much more intimate back in the 1700′s, forming bonds that seem very ~gay~ in today’s light. Homosexuality wasn’t a very understood thing back then because rigid moral codes and censured education prevented people from learning more about sexuality.

 But Alexander Hamilton knew.

 He grew up on an island where ‘Sodomites’ (gay people) were dumped and  allowed to mingle with the island population. Alex knew that there was a certain zone of interactions between men that went from being merely friendly to sexual. He clearly steps into the bounds of sexual while fully realizing it.

“In drawing my picture, you will no doubt be civil to your friend; mind you do justice to the length of my nose and don’t forget, that I [- - - - - -].”

Ahhhhhhhhh my son Alex, could you be more explicit? Alex here is obviously referring to his something else (you know) with the knowledge that John Lauren’s knows the size. This sentence right here is basically just one long ;).

 “Your friend” seems to be written teasingly, as if they both know how far from friends they are.

And we can only guess how dirty Alex got in those last six  CUT OUT words.

“Dear Boy” [sent by John Laurens]

John laurens calls his wife his ‘dear girl’, and here he calls Alex his ‘dear boy’.  Moreover, Laurens did not call any other man he ever wrote to as his ‘dear boy’. Laurens seems to see Alex as on the same level, if not higher, as his own wife.

“Did I mean to show my wit? If I did, I am sure I have missed my aim. Did I only intend to [frisk]? In this I have succeeded, but I have done more. I have gratified my feelings, by lengthening out the only kind of intercourse now in my power with my friend.”

This phrase right here I unfortunately do not see a lot when people talk about Alex and John’s letters. This, to me, is one of the most explicit. “Wit” also mean one’s you know what (here I give a nod to the Ravenclaw moto), so Hamilton’s saying he was pretty much just messing around with John the last letter he sent. This is the only sort of “intercourse” he is able to have with John, as they are both so far apart. He is incapable of ‘sexual’ intercourse because of their distance, so he feels he must, in the 18th century way, sext.

“I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation.”

As you might have already guessed, Alex is inviting John to a threesome on his wedding night. The idea that Alex feels so at ease inviting John to a threesome with his wife suggests they have already had something going for a long time now. 

“But like a jealous lover, when I thought you slighted my caresses, my affection was alarmed and my vanity piqued. I had almost resolved to lavish no more of them upon you and to reject you as an inconstant and an ungrateful –”

Here Alex compares himself to John’s lover, and a jealous one at that. John seems to be shying away from Alex’s bawdiness, as if realizing how strange their relationships is in retrospect. Alex is scrambling to hang on to him, even though he knows well what are and what happens to Sodomites. He would do anything for John while knowing the consequences. And John is too afraid to join him. And who the hell knows what the last word was.

“And believe me, I am lover in earnest,”

*cough cough* looks like John knows exactly what happens when Alex’s feeling frisky.

“She [Eliza] loves you a l'americaine not a la francoise.”

The French were renowned for their relaxed stance on extramarital love affairs, while Americans were more Puritan-minding and thought love affairs only should happen in church-sanctioned marriages. Thus Eliza has an a l’americaine love of John Laurens, rather than an a la francoise.

“You will be pleased to recollect in your negotiations that I have no invincible antipathy to the maidenly beauties & that I am willing to take the trouble of them upon myself.”

*cough* this sentence is a bit confusing, and could be taken a few ways. What I infer from this is that Alexander Hamilton is willing, and John knows this, to assume an air of femininity because he finds no fault with it. It was commonly noted by people who wrote of Hamilton that he was very feminine in comparison with other men of his day. Alex’s femininity seems to please John, the topic even having been discussed between the two in ‘negotiations’.

“My ravings are for your own bosom” Alex desperately misses Laurens’ intimate contact in a way that, in my opinion, could never be mistaken as simply friendship. Alex literally wants to be held by John. How fucking heartbreaking is that.

“Yrs for ever”

Ok, this one isn’t sexual, but I had to add it because it is so heartbreaking. This was Alex’s last farewell note to John. That is, if he even received it. He died shortly after Alex sent the letter; whether he read the farewell or not is all lost to history. Alex loved John so much, despite the fact that both already had a wife. He would have always loved him, even if they had grown apart…

That’s it folks: time for me to cry.

I’m writing to tell you
 
it hurts.
 
On the best days, he tastes like too much red wine
and it’s only now that it is easier for him
to tell you he loves you—
to tell you
what you wait/deserve/want
to hear.
After the bar, he fairytales into late night laughter
and falling asleep bare-skinned.
These have become the best nights,
and my sweetheart, they come so seldom.
 
It is now that you avoid eye contact
with the letters you wrote to yourself
at fifteen;
how she would shake her fists
and tell me she grew up
to be stronger than this–
that we didn’t bruise to become softer,
we didn’t love so damn hard
because we wanted silence.
 
More than I can paint in letters,
this hurts.
 
After you,
I don’t know if I’ll ever trust again.
After you,
is a life I never pictured.
—  Schuyler Peck, I Will Cross This River

“Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, ‘Dear Jim: I loved your card.’

“Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, ‘Jim loved your card so much he ate it.’

“That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

— Maurice Sendak (Where the Wild things Are) on the highest praise he’d ever rec’d from a child

thewrap.com
Joss Whedon Is a 'Hypocrite Preaching Feminist Ideals,' Ex-Wife Kai Cole Says

Fifteen years later, when he was done with our marriage and finally ready to tell the truth, he wrote me, “When I was running ‘Buffy,’ I was surrounded by beautiful, needy, aggressive young women. It felt like I had a disease, like something from a Greek myth. Suddenly I am a powerful producer and the world is laid out at my feet and I can’t touch it.” But he did touch it. He said he understood, “I would have to lie — or conceal some part of the truth — for the rest of my life,” but he did it anyway, hoping that first affair, “would be ENOUGH, that THEN we could move on and outlast it.”

Joss admitted that for the next decade and a half, he hid multiple affairs and a number of inappropriate emotional ones that he had with his actresses, co-workers, fans and friends, while he stayed married to me. He wrote me a letter when our marriage was falling apart, but I still didn’t know the whole truth, and said, “I’ve never loved anyone or wanted to be with anyone in any real or long-term way except for you ever. And I love our life. I love how you are, how we are, who you are and what we’ve done both separately and together, how much fun we have…” He wanted it all; he didn’t want to choose, so he accepted the duality as a part of his life.

Cost me 2 working days of pay and tell your supervisor I'm a liar, ok let's play.

So I decided to change my internet/cable provider. I had a date and time scheduled for the change and the new provider never showed up. It was an early morning appointment so I called out of work. They missed the 8-10am window, I called customer service and they told me they were running an hour late. Fast forward to 4pm no one showed, I called customer service back and they told me that the technicians showed up to my residence, couldn’t reach me and they called my home and cell phone multiple times to no avail. So we reschedule, for tomorrow at the same time. And guess what? Another no show, but they told customer service the same thing that they banged on my door and retired calling me multiple times. After jumping through hoops I finally get the warehouse number and where the technicians are based out of and reach a supervisor who told me that his “He runs a tight ship and all the guys he works with wouldn’t lie to him” and went on the accuse me of fishing for discounts or free service by creating problems. I try to tell him no one called me and no one came to my house and I have the cameras on my house to prove it. But it wasn’t having any of it. Well, now it’s the weekend. So rather than do fun things on the weekend my hatred fuels me to print out multiple copies of my home and phone records and make full 12 hour copies of my home surveillance cameras. After talking to upper management for a few days the following week and letting my displeasure well known, I send in my “courtroom like evidence” (their words). After some digging management finds something interesting. Turns out those trust worthy technicians have a habit of telling dispatch that their earliest appointments are not home, so they can come in a few hours late. At the end of the day I got 2 deadbeats fired, their supervisor wrote me a letter apologizing for the way he handled the situation and corporate gave me 6 months free internet/cable and 24 months of premium movie channels.

My Life as a Cartoon Network Intern (and how I think you can Intern in Animation too!)

Over this past summer, I was given the amazing opportunity to be a Production Intern at Cartoon Network (I worked on Clarence; woo!)

Every once in a while I get people who either come up to me in person, or who message me on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram etc. and ask me how I got the opportunity, and how they can intern in animation as well. Recently (Over the course of the last week or so) I’ve been asked a bunch, so I decided to create this massive master post in an attempt to get the information out to as many artists (and non-artists) as possible! 

I know a lot of people who feel like getting into the animation industry is completely impossible, (I should know, I felt the exact same way not too long ago) and I also know just how LITTLE references there actually are on finding an internship, and beyond that, the type of experiences that people who gotten the chance to intern have had. I told myself that if I got the internship, I would try to change that, and here we are! (A little late, but I really want to make this as helpful as possible)

If you all could please Reblog this to your followers I would love it! You never know who’s looking and hopefully, I can help people with my experiences! 

So to make it easier for people who don’t have the time to read all of my ramblings, AND for the sake of ease/reference; I’m going to break this post up into different sections: My Internship search My initial excitement/rejections - How I got the internship - My experience as an Intern and How Interning has helped me as an artist

My Internship search: 

Halfway through last year (My Sophomore year of college) I had decided that I would take a leap of faith and apply for some internships. I didn’t expect much of it, but my hopes were high because I thought I had at least a halfway decent portfolio, and my resume had some pretty okay animation experience on it (I’m the head of the only Animation organization on campus) and I’m majoring in animation so I had some 3D experience and 2D experience (which I’ve worked on on my own time, since it’s what I want to do) 

One of my biggest worries was the fact that I go to a state school: Southern Illinois University. The school is great, and I love it there, but I couldn’t afford art school, so I was very worried about how many opportunities there would be for me in Southern Illinois. Especially with the amount of amazing art that I see coming from people who go to schools like CalArs, Sheridan and the like. I was frustrated because I wasn’t there and felt like I would never get the opportunity to work in animation, which has been my dream since I could hold a pencil. Cartoons have changed my life, and they still do; but I was genuinely afraid that because I couldn’t afford a more art-related education, that I wouldn’t get the opportunity to tell stories like I’ve always dreamed. (But I digress) 

As I was saying: I was doing all of your standard (I want/need a job) searches to try to find something in animation: Glassdoor, Internships.com, JOBS.com; stuff like that. FUN FACT: I’ve read every single Glassdoor review for both Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. Every Job. All of them.

Some internships are a lot easier to find: Nickelodeon, Disney, Titmouse

While some are WAAAAAY more elusive: Cartoon Network… 

This narrowed my search down from a bunch of animation studios.. to a handful. My candidates were: Nickelodeon, Dreamworks and Titmouse. (All wonderful animation studios!) Now here’s where it gets interesting:

 My initial excitement/Rejections:

I didn’t hear back from any of them! NOT ONE. Which I learned after a very long, VERY stressful waiting period. (At this time it was early to mid April) Now; I knew that I was really too young to be applying for the internships, (I’m young for my grade so I was 19 at the time) And I knew that all of these internships specified that they wanted a Junior or above, but I figured since the year was almost over and I had good grades that MAYBE, they would let me slide. But I had no real experience working in animation, and although my hopes were high, they were also reeeeeeeal low. 

After waiting for the few weeks that I did, and not hearing a peep, I was dejected, frustrated, and I felt like there was no hope for me… Which leads us to…

HOW I GOT THE INTERNSHIP: 

When it comes to how I actually GOT the job: The answer I want to give you guys is that it was complete luck, and that by a series of random occurrences, somehow I was offered the position…. BUT, that’s only half true. Honestly, I worked really hard on making sure that I had as good a résumé as I possibly could: 

By that, I mean that I’ve worked really hard in school to get good grades/dean’s list/honors program, etc.; and I also started an animation organization on campus. (There’s a major, but there was a huge lack of enthusiasm and community within the program at SIU so I wanted to help to bring other artists and myself closer, and make great art while we’re at it) 

On top of that, I wrote (what I think was) a really good cover letter. But… Even with all three of those things, I don’t know if I would have gotten the position if it wasn’t for the internship coordinator at my school. I go to Southern Illinois University, and she pointed me in the direction of the Cartoon Network internship. (The Turner website isn’t like Nickelodeon, they only post internships when there’s a position to be filled)

LUCKILY for me, the Producer of Clarence (The wonderful Keith Mack) is an alum from SIU, so he connected with the internship coordinator (bless her heart) and I learned exactly when the position opened up. My resume and things got sent straight to him. I got a Skype interview a couple of weeks later, and I got accepted the day of the interview!

So I mean… Looking back, it was half luck, half hard work. 

It’s not like the grades and stuff really matter outside of college; Grades are just arbitrary letters, after all. But, I say that to say that I’ve tried to work hard in college even though I’m not at an art school, and that if you’re focused, it doesn’t really matter WHAT you’re good at; but how hard you work and the type of person you are. You can never go to college but be an amazing artist and an amazing person, and if you meet that ONE right person, or if you’re at that ONE correct place at the correct time; amazing things can happen; and I FIRMLY believe that. 

While I was at CN I was talking to someone (I don’t know if it’s best to call her out by name?..) But anyway she was telling me about how some of the artists are found at CN and she told me that Tumblr, YES TUMBLR. Is a HUUUUUUUUGE factor in the hiring of some people! So if you can… POST POST POST! Putting your art out there is the absolute best way to get seen. You NEVER know who’s looking at your artwork, and this website is an amazing platform for sharing, and learning about art. (And as a shameless plug: The blog Artists-Everyday is actually meant for just that ;) check it ouuuuut)

But moving forward; let’s talk about: 

THE INTERVIEW:

The interview to be an intern at CN was both really intimidating, and really comfortable at the same time. I love animation pretty much more than anything, so the idea that a single interview could determine whether or not I got a life-changing opportunity was pretty much one of the most daunting things that I could think of. The fact that I was in southern Illinois RIGHT at the time that I would have had to interview really didn’t help either… It was really scary to me, because it meant that I wasn’t going to be able to interview in person. It was a Skype interview, (a group one at that) and it was my first time ever interviewing for a position online. 

Once I got past all of the initial fear, the interview was smooth sailing. They had already seen my resume and cover letter; so we really just spent a lot of time talking about casual things: my favorite animated movie, what my favorite episode of Clarence was, etc. It wasn’t like your usual interview where they ask “why would we hire you” or “what is your greatest weakness” and I really appreciated that. They weren’t robots, they weren’t the ANIMATION GODS like I was imagining in my head – they were actual people, who happen to love animation, and the interview reflected that. 

I learned that I had gotten the position the day that I interviewed, and I’m SO GLAD I didn’t have to wait any more days, because at that point I was on fire on the inside. II don’t know what the hiring process was like for interns on different shows, so don’t take my word for how long it’ll take if you make it this far) 


MY EXPERIENCE AS AN INTERN/HOW IT’S HELPED ME AS AN ARTIST:

There is no one word to describe how amazing it is to work at Cartoon Network. A lot of CN stuff is “hush hush” high security, and they don’t allow you to take pictures of the inside of the buildings - So I’m not going to say much, other than: It’s magic. Pure magic. But I will say one thing: Free food. AT ALL TIMES. EVERY DAY. 

Working there is one of the most creatively satisfying things I’ve ever done in my life. The people, the atmosphere… it was all so inspiring. I’ve learned more in those past three months than I have in the last two years, and It’s all because I was surrounded by so many people who are better than me. People, who I might add, are some of the greatest, nicest, and most helpful people I’ve met in a long time. Plus, Cartoon Network really goes out on a limb to take care of their employees. 

I got to sit in on voice actors doing their recordings, I got to see storyboard pitches, I got to see animatics and assets for episodes that were unaired, and it was all being created right in front of me by such PASSIONATE people. 

I EVEN GOT TO MEET TOM KENNY. He remembered my name… 

As a production intern you get to see the logistic side of things: and you really grow to appreciate Production and that side of the industry, because without the production team, there would be no show! Even though I want to be a storyboard artist, I now know more about the industry and Cartoon Network as a whole, and it makes me feel much more connected to the shows that I watch on television.

One of the other biggest things about the program is the fact that I got to take storyboard/character design tests for practice, and I got the chance to pitch a show to the studio, in front of the Clarence Crew and even some really important executives! which was an AMAZING opportunity that I learned a TON from. I got amazing feedback, and I had to push myself harder than I’ve ever pushed myself before. Mentally, artistically, and personally. 


IN CONCLUSION

It’s possible. Being an intern at an animation studio is possible. Getting a job in animation is possible. Making friends in animation, and actually feeling like you belong to something you’ve dreamed about since you were a child is POSSIBLE. It doesn’t matter where you go to school, it doesn’t matter if you’re afraid, and it doesn’t matter what you look like. People are drawn to people who are genuine; and if you love animation, or production, or storyboarding or character design, and you work hard and try to really open yourself up artistically; you CAN do it. Take it from the 20 year old black guy who loves anime, video games and cartoons. You can do it. 


I don’t know how many people will see this or how helpful it actually is; but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to share this info with your followers, and on top of that if you guys EVER have any questions about my experiences or need me to clarify anything for ANY reason you’re absolutely welcome to contact me! 

I know how many people would love to intern, and I know (from experience) how DREADFUL It is to find conducive information about how the process works and how YOU can get an internship. 

Hope you guys stuck with this post till the end, and like I said if you ever have any more questions, (hell, or if you even want to share YOUR art with me… I’m always open!) 

TL;DR:                  This Gif Sums it Up 

-Sean 

17.06.09 fancafe - bts_Rap monster

00:25
4 o’clock

brief work
it started from what was said at the performance that ‘there is no song that taehyung does the introduction’

“ah I’ll make that”

at the time I laughed it off hahaha
even though I laughed it off it was stuck in the corner of my mind.

a few months ago, whether taehyung’s will to write was burning up, he played one piece of music to me and said
“hyung, I want to make a song like this” and asked if I came make one track
ok. and so I hit a few chords and said it to him.
but the entire song was just a few ep chord snaps(?) I’m actually embarresed to call it a beat so I wasn’t happy with it. then (at that time) talks about the festa were coming out.

“would you like to do it together one time”
“that’s good, hyung!”
that’s how it began
we contunously travelled over seas
the most important thing when I’m writing a song is choosing what theme or selecting the instruments in the early stages
but it was just difficult to concentrate

“what do you want to talk about (in the song)”
“dawn”
“dawn? what about dawn?”
“just sitting in the park at dawn waiting for a friend but… the birds chirping and…I really really like that moment”
“ah that unclear.. blueish moment”
“yes! I really like that blueish and quietness part (of dawn)”
“oh me too!!”

a bond of sympathy had devloped in this sort of way, it got started right away
I really like the dawn too
I’m a fan of the dawn and moon
that moment when the night passes by from the evening and dusk and…the moment of dawn passing by the morning from dusk.. people who know will understand.

I thought 'so ah this is the guitar. lets begin with the guitar.’ and so I played the guitar and piano.
fortunately, he liked the track, we decided to try write the meoldy and combine it all together
because I always liked watching the moon
I wanted to start off with talking about sending a letter to the moon
having writing and combining both of them together, taehyungie liked it, luckily

so it started with my introduction and taehyung’s b part stuck like that
the part that tahyungie wrote was better
it felt like it was too flowy so I helped a little

even though I wrote most of the lyrics since taehyungie left them to me, taehyung provided the lyrics of the hook. (“following deep into the night”~) I think the work was almost 5:5 because it started since taehyungie was the one who brought up the theme first.
me and taehyung both have low voices– but I just wanted to work with him and I’m happy to have had the oppurtunity
I decided to take a step back and focus emphasize the materialization of taehyung’s feelings
even though this song isn’t all about taehyung’s feelings, I hope we were able to materalize it as much as possible.
I hope taehyungie’s image comes close to dawn as much as possible

and thanks to KOXX’s SHAUN hyung too, who rearranged it nicely
personally, even though taehyung undertakes the powerful parts of the group songs
I hope he can do this light sensitivity often too
I thought that a lot of mine and taehyungie’s feelings intersect

we worked on this song together
among the seven members, I’d say taehyung possesses the most emotion and cleanest voice. thank you for your hard work and singing it coolly taehyung-ah :)

trans; @hobuing | do not repost

sehun: actually, there is something that i’m curious about… i wrote the letters and kyungsoo hyung delivered it to the members and that’s why we gathered here but how did you guys come here?
fans: ticketing!
sehun: i was so sure that i only wrote 8 letters so how did you all come here?
fans: we got it through yes24!
sehun: via yes24?
fans: yes!
sehun: kyungsoo hyung, what happened to this? did you copy the invitation?
jongdae: he (kyungsoo) scanned it!
kyungsoo: it is not that, actually… i’m a yes24 employee…

abuse they said would be a bad word, a slime in my mouth that grew overnight that spread in calla lilies on me, on this body he prized. they didn’t tell me i’d love him. they didn’t tell me that when it was good, it was sky good, lick the moon good. he was proud of me and i could die in that moment. when he was happy he wrote it in big letters, in dinners and movies, in perfect romances. they didn’t tell me it would be so easy to see it was my fault - i even thought i was the abusive one: after all, didn’t i hurt him? didn’t i let him down? it was my fault i had friends that took up my time. that i went out once a week, had fun alone at night. it was my fault i had family and work and other things to pile in between us. i was already so unsure of myself. so convinced i was burden before i even met him. all he did was point out the truth of what i already knew was happening: that i was manipulative, ignorant, selfish, cruel, unwilling to do the work to save us. i thought i was drowning him. i couldn’t stop the ugly melting off of me. i told him i was trying, i was trying, i was trying. i thought i was the broken part. i saw how good we were when i was behaving and i knew if i could just be better, undo the sticky parts of me, unscrew all the screwy, if i could unwrite the burden of my mental illness and untie my hands and skewer myself on perfection: i could bring it back. i could make it good again.

HAMILTON : AN AMERICAN MUSICAL  → STARTERS

  • ❛ he was longing for something to be a part of. ❜
  • ❛ and the world is gonna know your name. ❜
  • ❛ there’s a million things i haven’t done, but just you wait. ❜
  • ❛ you never learned to take your time. ❜
  • ❛ talk less…smile more. ❜
  • ❛ who’s the best? c’est moi! ❜
  • ❛ the plan is to fan this spark into a flame. ❜
  • ❛ i’m not throwing away my shot. ❜
  • ❛ i may not live to see our glory, but i will gladly join the fight !  ❜
  • ❛ they’ll tell the story of tonight. ❜
  • ❛ tomorrow there’ll be more of us. ❜
  • ❛ i’m looking for a mind at work. ❜
  • ❛ look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now. ❜
  • ❛ oh my god. tear this dude apart. ❜
  • ❛ i will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love… ❜
  • ❛ dying is easy, young man… living is harder. ❜
  • ❛ then you walked in and my heart went ‘boom’! ❜
  • ❛ you look at me and suddenly i’m helpless. ❜
  • ❛ i am so into you. ❜
  • ❛ i’m just saying if you really loved me, you would share him. ❜
  • ❛ love doesn’t discriminate from the sinners and the saints. ❜
  • ❛ i’m willing to wait for it. ❜
  • ❛ i am the one thing in life i can control. ❜
  • ❛ call me son one more time —…. ❜
  • ❛ i don’t pretend to know the challenges you’re facing. ❜
  • ❛ that would be enough. ❜
  • ❛ and we could be enough. ❜
  • ❛ let me a part of the narrative in the story they will write one day. ❜
  • ❛ you have no control : who lives, who dies, who tells your story. ❜
  • ❛ history has its eyes on you. ❜
  • ❛ awesome. wow. ❜
  • ❛ i’ll make the world safe and sound for you. ❜
  • ❛ why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room? ❜
  • ❛ what’d i miss? ❜
  • ❛ run away with us for the summer. ❜
  • ❛ take a break. ❜
  • ❛ well, hate the sin, love the sinner. ❜
  • ❛ no one else was in the room where it happened. ❜
  • ❛ and then we’ll teach them how to say goodbye. ❜
  • ❛ we both know what we know. ❜
  • ❛ i will choose her happiness over mine every time. ❜
  • ❛ god, i hope you’re satisfied. ❜
  • ❛ i saved every letter you wrote me. ❜
  • ❛ you built me palaces out of paragraphs. ❜
  • ❛ be careful with that one, love, he will do what it takes to survive. ❜
  • ❛ when you were mine, the world seemed to burn. ❜
  • ❛ the world has no right to my heart. ❜
  • ❛ i hope that you burn. ❜
  • ❛ everything is legal in new jersey… ❜
  • ❛ i’m so sorry for forgetting what you taught me. ❜
  • ❛ it’s quiet uptown. ❜
  • ❛ they are trying to do the unimaginable. ❜
  • ❛ there are moments that the words don’t reach. ❜
  • ❛ forgiveness. can you imagine? ❜
  • ❛ i had only one thought before the slaughter. ❜
  • ❛ i imagine death so much, it feels more like a memory. ❜
  • ❛ what is a legacy? it’s planting seeds in a garden you will never see. ❜
  • ❛ death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints. ❜
  • ❛ i survived, but i paid for it. ❜
  • ❛ have i done enough? will they tell my story? ❜

anonymous asked:

You mentioned Pride and Prejudice in your post about classic novels, and I was wondering about a) your opinion of Mr. Darcy in general and b) your opinion of Darcy and Elizabeth as a couple.

Don’t let my mocking tone in that post fool you. I adore Mr. Darcy with all my heart, I merely object to the way he’s popularly associated with the image of this perfect, brooding hunk, when really he’s just a socially awkward loser.

Okay, okay, so our first introduction to Darcy is at a ball, where he:

  • Doesn’t dance
  • Can’t make small talk
  • Is generally rude and embarrassing
  • Stands awkwardly in the corner the whole night
  • Decides he might fancy this one girl, so he insults her.
  • Loudly.
  • Where anyone could overhear.
  • Including the girl.
  • Gets roundly insulted to his face by said girl, and his reaction is ‘…damn.’

Later on, he gets to know this girl a bit better. He warms up to her, and starts to act a little less like a standoffish jackass.

Then comes the infamous ball where the entire Bennet family, except for Jane and Lizzie, embarrass themselves. He convinces Bingley not to marry Jane because it would degrade him.

MONTHS pass, and Lizzie meets Mr. Darcy again. She finds out that he separated Jane and Bingley and she is SIMMERING with resentment. Darcy, on the other hand, (who must have been pining over her and doodling ‘Mrs Elizabeth Darcy’ in his notebooks all this time) decides this is the perfect time to propose marriage. He BURSTS into her house, completely unannounced, ignores her chilly reception, then makes awkward small talk and wanders around in agitation. Finally, he confesses that he loves her, against his better judgment, and insults her and her entire family before standing back, quite pleased with himself and convinced that she’s going to accept him.

But she doesn’t.

She lets him have it. She tells him how much she loathes him and exactly why. He is stunned. Mortified. No one has ever spoken to him like this. He’s quite used to getting everything he wants, and this just shakes him to his core. He stands there for a while with a face like a slapped arse, then, unable to defend himself, he slinks away with a haughty goodbye and goes off to wallow in shame and resentment.

And then.

THEN.

The next day Lizzie is walking around the grounds and Mr. Darcy finds her. Has he taken this time to compose himself so he might talk to her and explain himself better?

No.

He wrote a letter. He wrote a fucking letter. He probably spent all night agonising and poring over this thing. Then he skulked around the grounds ALL MORNING in the hope of finding her. His exact words: “I have been walking in the grove some time in the hope of meeting you. Will you do me the honour of reading that letter?”

And he shoves it in her hand.

Then he runs.

RUNS.

(Darcy you fucking walnut.)

Lizzie reads the letter, and of course it’s beautiful and eloquent and it says everything he’s too socially inept to say to her face. It radically alters her opinion of him.

In response to her criticisms, Darcy really does make an effort to change his manners. He was never a bad guy – it’s obvious how much he loves his friends and his baby sister, and Lizzie too, he just tends to be rude and haughty and socially awkward, something that’s understandable considering his station.

Lizzie meets him at Pemberley and he introduces her to his sister (which, over-protective big brother alert, is the biggest compliment he can give) and seeing how he treats her makes Lizzie just a tiny bit weak in the knees. JUST A LITTLE. NOT THAT SHE WANTS TO MARRY HIM OR ANYTHING HAHA wow his house is big.

THEN HE’S EVEN A GENTLEMAN TO HER AUNT AND UNCLE AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE SHE MIGHT THINK HE’S A BIT HANDSOME???? JUST A LITTLE?????

Then she hears her sister Lydia has run away with the renegade Mr. Wickham.

Mr. Darcy be like

NOT ON MY WATCH. NO SIR.

He comes to the rescue, finds Lydia and Wickham, and persuades them to marry with a hefty sum of money, thus rescuing the Bennets from disgrace. But. BUT.

HE DOES ALL THIS WITHOUT TELLING HER. OR THE REST OF HER FAMILY.

HER AUNT AND UNCLE TELL HER, MUCH LATER, THAT DARCY DID IT ALL AT GREAT PERSONAL EXPENSE.

And Lizzie’s just like ‘oh no.’

(Because every girl’s a slut for a gentleman who treats her and her family with respect.)

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL.

OH NO, THAT IS NOT ALL.

BINGLEY COMES BACK. MAH BOY BINGLEY COMES RIDING INTO TOWN TO SWEEP JANE OFF HER FEET.

Gee, I wonder who could have been behind that? I wonder who could possibly have persuaded Bingley that Jane truly did love him, and that her family was not beneath his station after all? WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE DONE THAT????

By this point Lizzie’s a hive of conflicting desires and emotions. That’s when Lady Catherine de Bourgh comes into her house, unannounced, and tells her not to marry Mr. Darcy.

How does Lizzie respond? Miss “From the very beginning – from the first moment, I may almost say – of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry” ?

She says, ‘WOW. FUCK YOU LADY. YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. HE’S A GENTLEMAN AND I AM A GENTLEMAN’S DAUGHTER. WE ARE EQUALS. I’LL MARRY WHOMEVER I PLEASE. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.’

(Oooooh, girl, you got it bad.)

After this, Darcy shows up and starts talking to Lizzie. And it KILLS me, because obviously he’d given up on ever winning her hand. He did all those things for her not because he wanted her to like him, but just because he loved her. He was upset when he found out her uncle had told her about what he did for Lydia and Wickham. UPSET. And while Lady Catherine had raged about how inferior Lizzie’s family was, just as Darcy once had, now Darcy says that he respects and loves them. He says Lady Catherine spoke to him of their encounter, and it filled him with hope that maybe she didn’t think he was an insufferable jackass anymore. ONLY when he receives this encouragement does he renew his proposal, and even then he adds, “one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.”

I MEAN???? Just LOOK at this precious sunflower, dumb and stuttering and full of “awkwardness and anxiety,” so fucking in love with this girl that he was willing to give his personality a complete overhaul and re-evaluate all his life choices, not because he thought it would make her like him, but JUST BECAUSE he loved her. And if she had refused him a second time, he would never have bothered her again. THAT is how you gentleman.

The name of the novel says it all – Pride and Prejudice. He’s proud and haughty, she’s prejudiced and rooted in her negative first impressions. These are the things they have to overcome, this is how they have to grow and evolve. He needs to lay aside his pride, she her prejudice, and only then can they be together.

Because they are perfect for each other. Absolutely, unequivocally. And when Jane Austen says they live happily ever after, I believe her.

anonymous asked:

what are your favorite little anecdotes about mary ?

Sorry I took so long! 

  • She literally did not have to woo Shelley at all. She was just that great of a person that he was swept off his feet just by her being her.
  • She surprised Godwin’s friends who tried to patronize her at 14 by being like “anyways here’s a highly complex political essay I wrote.” 
  • Shelley’s parents Did Not Approve, so when he went to sit on the front porch steps to harass them (since he wasn’t allowed inside his own home for a long list of reasons) she sent him with a book that had her name inscribed on it. In very large letters. (:
  • One time after they’d eloped Shelley told her she could bathe in a creek and dry off with leaves and her response was essentially “have you lost every ounce of your mind?” & I find it so funny because me too, Mary.
  • She slept in a bed with Shelley that rats and bugs were prone to crawling all over at some cheap motel and didn’t even complain. What an icon.
  • She would always add on to Shelley’s letters where he was being super dramatic, like saying he was dying or something and be like, “He’s fine he’s a baby when he’s sick.” 
  • Running up a hill in the rain to get to Byron in an age where getting slightly chilled could kill you exemplifies how Little of a Shit my girl gave. 
  • She once got so agitated waiting on Shelley to return that she went out in the middle of the night and in the rain looking for him herself.
  • She sent all these specifications to Shelley about a hat for their son but then was like “ACTUALLY I probably won’t even like it so just never mind.” Which is the constant mood.
  • Her always telling him to cut his hair. 
  • Her putting up with Shelley just like, in general.
  • She slept with Shelley’s friends a lot (which was totally cool and encouraged by him, since they were in an open relationship) and her letters to them are so flirtatious that I love it. 
  • Speaking of which, she was a GIANT flirt. Which I love, love, love. She was so confident. 
  • She would help Shelley a lot with his translations. He would read to her in the desired language and she wrote it down, which speaks about both her intelligence and her dedication to being a scholar alongside him.
  • Funny things aside, she was able to handle multiple deaths with her sanity intact. She had just miscarried when Shelley died, but she managed to get out of the bed to go to Byron in efforts to find out what had happened. She was SUCH a strong woman.

She didn’t do any wild stuff like Shelley, but she was sassy, confident, and funny and that’s enough for me.

The Hausmates as stuff my bf did
  • Bitty: came to school in bright pink pajamas with little dancing zebras on them just because
  • Jack: Got me sunflowers during February bc he is just that extra
  • Holster: put a flower in his mouth chewed on it then tried to kiss me (it was our first date)
  • Ransom: teared his meniscus while twerking
  • Lardo: chased ducks and fell into the pond trying to catch them
  • Shitty: Got so high that, when he wanted to kiss me at the cinema, he leaned to the wrong side and kissed a stranger on the cheek instead
  • Dex: Once went on a two page long rent about the German train system during an exam
  • Nursey: befriended every bus driver he knows and has not paid for a bus ticket in five years
  • Chowder: still draws little sun's into the corners of letters he sends to people
  • Tango: Once wrote the pope a letter asking him to be his prom date
  • Whiskey: once used all his money to drunkenly buy two life sized stone gargoyles

haihaihaihaihaihaihaihaihai  asked:

Regarding the soundtrack for S4, I've noticed a new motif that originated in TST, a sombre violin piece that begins at 1:13 on track 6 'Running Away', used for the scene where John reads the letter Mary wrote about running away. So naturally I assumed this was Mary's theme, until today when I heard it again in TLD (track 7 of the TLD soundtrack 'No Charges' at 0:45), but slowed down. The scene in TLD is where John hits Sherlock, so it has nothing to do with Mary. What may we deduce of this?

Hi Lovely! 

Here’s “Running Away”:

And here’s “No Charges”

What struck me first of all, on Running Away, WAS THE GODDAMNED VIOLIN. A lot of us speculate that Mary’s letter is ACTUALLY Sherlock’s letter that he wanted to write to John when he left him at TRF. Alright, stay with me here for a second: Sherlock writes his “love songs” on violin, and they’re always melancholy and ALWAYS for John (sorry, but Irene’s Theme is FOR JOHN); I think this is ACTUALLY meant to represent Sherlock’s character and his pining for John, his apology for leaving him. It’s also tightly intermingled with hints of John’s theme sped up in it as well.

Then, in No Charges, you are correct – it’s DOES bear a terribly striking resemblance to Running Away, just played an octave or semi-octave down or on a different scale. Which causes it to sound SADDER. Because now Sherlock feels like he is getting what he deserves for leaving John, doomed to a life of infinite sadness and loneliness. Technically, it’s also relating to Mary since they are discussing Mary in that scene, but yes, I do honestly believe anything played by the violin in ANY of the soundtracks are a reflection of Sherlock’s feelings.

God I actually cried writing this. I hadn’t had the chance yet to listen to S4′s soundtrack, so I’m glad I got to for this. 

If you’re interested, there’s interesting meta about the entirety of the S4 music here by @holmesianscholar!

Paper Planes (Lin-Manuel x Reader)

Summary: Soulmate AU where if you throw a paper plane out your window it always makes its way to your soulmate. You can’t write your full name, your location, or any contact info, anything else is fair game. It’s up to fate to bring you together.

Word Count: 1,775

Warnings: Zero proofreading. It’s strictly fluff though so you’re safe here.

A/N: This was such a cute idea and also reminded me of that one Disney short. You know the one. Also, I will jump at any opportunity I can to write sappy love notes and Lin’s messy handwriting. Please don’t ask me about logistics of this, I have no idea what happens if your window is shut and your soulmate throws a plane, I’m just here to write fluff.
___________________________________

Your parents had told you the story all through your childhood. They would always weave you intricate tales at bedtime about how you might meet your soulmate. Your favorite stories always had a prince playing that role. As you got older the stories evolved from fictitious plots to questions and conversations. 

You received your first letter from him at seven years old. It took you by surprise when the paper plane made of blue construction paper landed on the floor of your bedroom. You scrambled from you bed to scoop it up and inspect it. You unfolded it carefully, flipping it over.

‘ Hi! My name is Lin! ‘

You yelped as if the paper itself had spoken and ran into the living room where your mom was preoccupied with a book. She seemed to notice your panic because her eyes immediately left the pages to study your face.

“They wrote you, didn’t they?” she asked wryly with a twinkle in her eye. You squeaked out a yes, shoving the blue paper towards her. She unfolded it to see the note before chuckling. “Well, are you gonna write them back or not?”

You spent the entire night debating and when your mom came into your room to kiss you goodbye before she left for work she saw you sitting on the floor surrounded in papers. 

“For them or from them?” she asked with an amused smile as she leaned against your doorway.

“For.”

Keep reading

Spoilers Ahead

DEH (7/12/17) Things:

-Everyone losing their shit when Colton came on stage.

-Colton is talking so fast without breathing and i don’t know how to handle this?

-Evan rolling over the top of his bed to get his backpack

-OMG Rachel and Jennifer in the first number. Slayyy

-Wow Mike Faist is even prettier in person

-The amount of sarcasm in “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?”

-SOMEBODY JUST FUCKING WAVE AT EVAN

-Kris singing “Waving Through a Window”. it’s short but kills me. I love her.

-The social media constantly lighting up the stage is phenomenal.

-One of the social medias downstage shows that Jared has a snapchat and i cant handle this info.

-Omg Cynthia crying makes me cry

-“apples”

-Colton has such an amazing voice and he needs more appreciation

-His giggle and little gallop in “For Forever”. HELP ME??

-Zoe bounces her leg nervously a lot during the first act.

-Watching Evan’s face go from happy to heartbroken in the “he’s coming to get me” line. Like, protect the boi.

-Colton dramatically draping himself over the bedpost 👌👌

-The embarrassed pause before “secret email”. Colton did that perfectly and the audience loved it.

-JARED’S LAUGH STOLE THE SHOW

-FUCK I LOVE WILL ROLAND

-MIKE FAIST’S FUCKING FACE WHEN HE PAUSED AFTER THE NIPPLE THING KILLED ME.

-Connor did a Newsie jump during “Sincerely Me”

-Evan went to hug Connor during “Sincerely Me” and made an :0 face

-Connor snapping his fingers during “if i stop smoking pot then everything might be alright.”

-I saw the knee thing in person. I have lived.

-All the finger guns during “Sincerely Me” saved me.

-THE CHEST BUMP

-THE CHEST BUMP

-Laura’s vocals

-Cynthia hugging Connor’s pillow during “Requiem”

-Zoe crumpling up the letters

-Protect Zoe Murphy

“You were not the MONSTER” (complete silence in the audience)

-Evan looking at Connor’s comic books

-Zoe looking like she’ll cry during “If I Could Tell Her”

-COLTON’S 👏VOICE👏

-“You looked really pretty” music stops *awkwardly clears throat* “it looked pretty cool” *music starts back up*

-Colton singing “I love you”.

-The kiss was so awkward. Evan, why are you like this?

-MIKE FAIST AS GHOST CONNOR.

-Evan looking terrified at the idea of disappearing.

-My heart couldn’t handle when Connor did his “when you’re falling” reprise.

-OMG Alana and Jared. YEE

-Larry looking through the Connor Project pamphlet with an unreadable expression.

-The silence when Cynthia said that Connor didn’t get invited to any Bar mitzvahs.

-THE NOTECARDS

-Somebody in the audience laughed when he messed up his speech and Evan just froze and it was absolutely painful. After that person laughed it was dead silence. And Evan fell to the ground, started crawling backwards, sobbed, and clutched onto Connor’s tie. This was such a painful scene to watch and Colton did it flawlessly. Bless that boy.

-All the social media in you will be found.

-The 👏 vocals👏 in 👏YWBF

-All the pictures of Connor lighting up the stage. (one of Mikes toddler pics is in there and it’s presh)

-Larry breaking down and clinging onto Cynthia

-All the screens with Evan giving his speech

-Evan starts out so small in that number and just watching him grow and be awed by the media, my heart.

-I was shaking throughout the entire number and intermission.

-Omg Alana and Evan working on the Connor Project is gold. She’s slowly hiding Evan away and the audience loved it.

-Evan awkwardly trying to be cool around Larry.

-“Kid that’s lost control” dead silence.

-I actually kinda like Larry after seeing it live??

- “I’m not breaking up with you” *Evan places his finger tips on her waist* “Thankyou”

-Evan is a bean

-LAURA’S VOICE

-OMG the scene where they were trying to give Heidi and Evan money was super uncomfortable. Evan just looks like he’s gonna be sick throughout that whole scene.

-Protect Heidi Hansen

-Will’s solo in “Good For You” 👌👌That is the good stuff.

-Jared looking like he’s going to run up and punch Evan. Evan running away timidly.

-Everyone cornering Evan and he looks so terrified.

-In the scene before Evan shows Alana the letter and he’s talking to Connor, the “suicide note” is lighting up the stage.

-Heidi in the “YWBF Reprise” and you can see the moment when she realizes that Evan wrote the note.

-Larry’s shell faltering for a second when he found out that Evan wrote the letter.

-“No mom who just was there” Cynthia sobbing and moving across the stage away from Evan.

-Colton was outstanding in “Words Fail”. he was bawling and looked so small. And after the “Worst of me” line he looked so defeated and helpless.

-OMG all of the sniffles from audience members during words fail. #me (i sobbed too)

-Heidi is my mom now

-Heidi giggles as she cries.

-BLESS RACHEL BAY JONES. SHE HAD EVERYONE CRYING DURING “So Big/So Small”

-Evan falling half off the couch and just clinging to Heidi. Heidi crying more as he does this.

-Colton’s eyes were so red from crying during this scene.

-The Orchard set is beautiful.

- The final speech and finale. Im wrecked.

So in final words I love Colton Ryan (i met him after the show as well as Rachel) as Evan and the whole cast. I have no idea how they all can do such an emotional show over and over. I’m so fortunate and honored to have seen such an amazing production. ❤️❤️❤️❤️