so he wrote me a letter

coming out

Okay guys, so I just wrote a long letter to my boyfriend. In there I explain to him that I’m a boy and that I’m going to start a transition. I also explain that I love him but that I need to transition in order to be who I really am and finally be happy. I’m freaking out but am also glad I put all my feelings on a page, it’s liberating!

Now I’m probably just gonna read it again and again and freak out until he comes back on sunday aha!

Wish me luck!

It's Just Fan Fic...

I got an email from a reader earlier.  The sender was a lovely young woman who had just re-read my first published fic and wanted to tell me how much she enjoyed it—how it made her feel, how it made her smile, how it made her cry, how it made her excited to get home each night and curl up in bed with it, how it helped ease the pain of a difficult patch in her life, and how much she misses it now that it’s over.  It was a beautiful letter, and my reaction to it must have been visible enough to make my saner half take notice from across the room.  He shot me a questioning look, and I turned the laptop around and gestured to the screen.

I followed his eyes as they scanned each line, saw his lips tip up in a smile that grew broader as he read, then braced myself for the good natured snark I’ve come to expect when my little literary hobby comes up in conversation.

“Wow.” He said. “That was kind of amazing.  How does it feel to be someone’s favorite author?”

“Don’t be a dick,” I said, slapping him on the shoulder.

“I’m serious,” he replied, gesturing to the screen.  "That’s what she said—right there: You’re my favorite author.”

“I think she means favorite fic author.  Not real author.”

“Is there a difference?” He asked.

Yes,” I said, rolling my eyes.  ”Of course there is.”

“Why?”

“Because, as someone in this room who isn’t ME is fond of pointing out, self published gay mystery romance novels aren’t exactly eligible for the pulitzer.” I said, turning the computer back around.

“So what?” he shrugged, “Something you wrote inspired a stranger to sit down write what it meant to them and send it to you.  A lot of total strangers, as a matter of fact.  You write, people read it and react.  That makes you an author.”

“Huh.” I said, very eloquently, then got up and went into the kitchen to start dinner.

Hours later, sitting down to reply to the letter in question I find myself writing this post instead.  Because here’s the thing: That wonderfully crazy man who lives in my house is right.  (But please don’t tell him I said that)

From the moment I realized that letters made up words and words made up sentences and sentences made up worlds that were mine to explore any time I wanted to I’ve been a reader.  I have fallen in love with perfect phrases and epic stories and countless characters pressed between the pages of the thousands of books I’ve read in my life so far—and sitting down to string together those same 26 letters into tens of thousands of words of stories I felt needed telling?  That makes me an author.

I have adored the work of countless authors in numerous genres, and the world of fan fic is no exception.  I have admired and cherished and savored the words of talented writers whose work is no less legitimate for the fact that their names include random keyboard characters and their words don’t live on bound paper on a shelf.  

It’s not JUST fan fic.  It’s literature.  It’s published.  It’s read.  It’s loved.

It matters.

Thanks to all of my favorite authors for every word on every page on every screen that I’ve ever loved. 

Literally just all the sexual things Alexander Hamilton sent to John Laurens


“I love you.”

This one is pretty self explanatory. Men were much more intimate back in the 1700′s, forming bonds that seem very ~gay~ in today’s light. Homosexuality wasn’t a very understood thing back then because rigid moral codes and censured education prevented people from learning more about sexuality.

 But Alexander Hamilton knew.

 He grew up on an island where ‘Sodomites’ (gay people) were dumped and  allowed to mingle with the island population. Alex knew that there was a certain zone of interactions between men that went from being merely friendly to sexual. He clearly steps into the bounds of sexual while fully realizing it.

“In drawing my picture, you will no doubt be civil to your friend; mind you do justice to the length of my nose and don’t forget, that I [- - - - - -].”

Ahhhhhhhhh my son Alex, could you be more explicit? Alex here is obviously referring to his something else (you know) with the knowledge that John Lauren’s knows the size. This sentence right here is basically just one long ;).

 “Your friend” seems to be written teasingly, as if they both know how far from friends they are.

And we can only guess how dirty Alex got in those last six  CUT OUT words.

“Dear Boy” [sent by John Laurens]

John laurens calls his wife his ‘dear girl’, and here he calls Alex his ‘dear boy’.  Moreover, Laurens did not call any other man he ever wrote to as his ‘dear boy’. Laurens seems to see Alex as on the same level, if not higher, as his own wife.

“Did I mean to show my wit? If I did, I am sure I have missed my aim. Did I only intend to [frisk]? In this I have succeeded, but I have done more. I have gratified my feelings, by lengthening out the only kind of intercourse now in my power with my friend.”

This phrase right here I unfortunately do not see a lot when people talk about Alex and John’s letters. This, to me, is one of the most explicit. “Wit” also mean one’s you know what (here I give a nod to the Ravenclaw moto), so Hamilton’s saying he was pretty much just messing around with John the last letter he sent. This is the only sort of “intercourse” he is able to have with John, as they are both so far apart. He is incapable of ‘sexual’ intercourse because of their distance, so he feels he must, in the 18th century way, sext.

“I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation.”

As you might have already guessed, Alex is inviting John to a threesome on his wedding night. The idea that Alex feels so at ease inviting John to a threesome with his wife suggests they have already had something going for a long time now. 

“But like a jealous lover, when I thought you slighted my caresses, my affection was alarmed and my vanity piqued. I had almost resolved to lavish no more of them upon you and to reject you as an inconstant and an ungrateful –”

Here Alex compares himself to John’s lover, and a jealous one at that. John seems to be shying away from Alex’s bawdiness, as if realizing how strange their relationships is in retrospect. Alex is scrambling to hang on to him, even though he knows well what are and what happens to Sodomites. He would do anything for John while knowing the consequences. And John is too afraid to join him. And who the hell knows what the last word was.

“And believe me, I am lover in earnest,”

*cough cough* looks like John knows exactly what happens when Alex’s feeling frisky.

“She [Eliza] loves you a l'americaine not a la francoise.”

The French were renowned for their relaxed stance on extramarital love affairs, while Americans were more Puritan-minding and thought love affairs only should happen in church-sanctioned marriages. Thus Eliza has an a l’americaine love of John Laurens, rather than an a la francoise.

“You will be pleased to recollect in your negotiations that I have no invincible antipathy to the maidenly beauties & that I am willing to take the trouble of them upon myself.”

*cough* this sentence is a bit confusing, and could be taken a few ways. What I infer from this is that Alexander Hamilton is willing, and John knows this, to assume an air of femininity because he finds no fault with it. It was commonly noted by people who wrote of Hamilton that he was very feminine in comparison with other men of his day. Alex’s femininity seems to please John, the topic even having been discussed between the two in ‘negotiations’.

“My ravings are for your own bosom” Alex desperately misses Laurens’ intimate contact in a way that, in my opinion, could never be mistaken as simply friendship. Alex literally wants to be held by John. How fucking heartbreaking is that.

“Yrs for ever”

Ok, this one isn’t sexual, but I had to add it because it is so heartbreaking. This was Alex’s last farewell note to John. That is, if he even received it. He died shortly after Alex sent the letter; whether he read the farewell or not is all lost to history. Alex loved John so much, despite the fact that both already had a wife. He would have always loved him, even if they had grown apart…

That’s it folks: time for me to cry.

17.06.09 fancafe - bts_Rap monster

00:25
4 o’clock

brief work
it started from what was said at the performance that ‘there is no song that taehyung does the introduction’

“ah I’ll make that”

at the time I laughed it off hahaha
even though I laughed it off it was stuck in the corner of my mind.

a few months ago, whether taehyung’s will to write was burning up, he played one piece of music to me and said
“hyung, I want to make a song like this” and asked if I came make one track
ok. and so I hit a few chords and said it to him.
but the entire song was just a few ep chord snaps(?) I’m actually embarresed to call it a beat so I wasn’t happy with it. then (at that time) talks about the festa were coming out.

“would you like to do it together one time”
“that’s good, hyung!”
that’s how it began
we contunously travelled over seas
the most important thing when I’m writing a song is choosing what theme or selecting the instruments in the early stages
but it was just difficult to concentrate

“what do you want to talk about (in the song)”
“dawn”
“dawn? what about dawn?”
“just sitting in the park at dawn waiting for a friend but… the birds chirping and…I really really like that moment”
“ah that unclear.. blueish moment”
“yes! I really like that blueish and quietness part (of dawn)”
“oh me too!!”

a bond of sympathy had devloped in this sort of way, it got started right away
I really like the dawn too
I’m a fan of the dawn and moon
that moment when the night passes by from the evening and dusk and…the moment of dawn passing by the morning from dusk.. people who know will understand.

I thought 'so ah this is the guitar. lets begin with the guitar.’ and so I played the guitar and piano.
fortunately, he liked the track, we decided to try write the meoldy and combine it all together
because I always liked watching the moon
I wanted to start off with talking about sending a letter to the moon
having writing and combining both of them together, taehyungie liked it, luckily

so it started with my introduction and taehyung’s b part stuck like that
the part that tahyungie wrote was better
it felt like it was too flowy so I helped a little

even though I wrote most of the lyrics since taehyungie left them to me, taehyung provided the lyrics of the hook. (“following deep into the night”~) I think the work was almost 5:5 because it started since taehyungie was the one who brought up the theme first.
me and taehyung both have low voices– but I just wanted to work with him and I’m happy to have had the oppurtunity
I decided to take a step back and focus emphasize the materialization of taehyung’s feelings
even though this song isn’t all about taehyung’s feelings, I hope we were able to materalize it as much as possible.
I hope taehyungie’s image comes close to dawn as much as possible

and thanks to KOXX’s SHAUN hyung too, who rearranged it nicely
personally, even though taehyung undertakes the powerful parts of the group songs
I hope he can do this light sensitivity often too
I thought that a lot of mine and taehyungie’s feelings intersect

we worked on this song together
among the seven members, I’d say taehyung possesses the most emotion and cleanest voice. thank you for your hard work and singing it coolly taehyung-ah :)

trans; @hobuing | do not repost

bang pd nim more like min yoongi bs&t era 50 years later ((@ anyone who’s reblogging this i am nOt making fun of him cmon im going emo all over the tags;_;))

Spoilers Ahead

DEH (7/12/17) Things:

-Everyone losing their shit when Colton came on stage.

-Colton is talking so fast without breathing and i don’t know how to handle this?

-Evan rolling over the top of his bed to get his backpack

-OMG Rachel and Jennifer in the first number. Slayyy

-Wow Mike Faist is even prettier in person

-The amount of sarcasm in “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?”

-SOMEBODY JUST FUCKING WAVE AT EVAN

-Kris singing “Waving Through a Window”. it’s short but kills me. I love her.

-The social media constantly lighting up the stage is phenomenal.

-One of the social medias downstage shows that Jared has a snapchat and i cant handle this info.

-Omg Cynthia crying makes me cry

-“apples”

-Colton has such an amazing voice and he needs more appreciation

-His giggle and little gallop in “For Forever”. HELP ME??

-Zoe bounces her leg nervously a lot during the first act.

-Watching Evan’s face go from happy to heartbroken in the “he’s coming to get me” line. Like, protect the boi.

-Colton dramatically draping himself over the bedpost 👌👌

-The embarrassed pause before “secret email”. Colton did that perfectly and the audience loved it.

-JARED’S LAUGH STOLE THE SHOW

-FUCK I LOVE WILL ROLAND

-MIKE FAIST’S FUCKING FACE WHEN HE PAUSED AFTER THE NIPPLE THING KILLED ME.

-Connor did a Newsie jump during “Sincerely Me”

-Evan went to hug Connor during “Sincerely Me” and made an :0 face

-Connor snapping his fingers during “if i stop smoking pot then everything might be alright.”

-I saw the knee thing in person. I have lived.

-All the finger guns during “Sincerely Me” saved me.

-THE CHEST BUMP

-THE CHEST BUMP

-Laura’s vocals

-Cynthia hugging Connor’s pillow during “Requiem”

-Zoe crumpling up the letters

-Protect Zoe Murphy

“You were not the MONSTER” (complete silence in the audience)

-Evan looking at Connor’s comic books

-Zoe looking like she’ll cry during “If I Could Tell Her”

-COLTON’S 👏VOICE👏

-“You looked really pretty” music stops *awkwardly clears throat* “it looked pretty cool” *music starts back up*

-Colton singing “I love you”.

-The kiss was so awkward. Evan, why are you like this?

-MIKE FAIST AS GHOST CONNOR.

-Evan looking terrified at the idea of disappearing.

-My heart couldn’t handle when Connor did his “when you’re falling” reprise.

-OMG Alana and Jared. YEE

-Larry looking through the Connor Project pamphlet with an unreadable expression.

-The silence when Cynthia said that Connor didn’t get invited to any Bar mitzvahs.

-THE NOTECARDS

-Somebody in the audience laughed when he messed up his speech and Evan just froze and it was absolutely painful. After that person laughed it was dead silence. And Evan fell to the ground, started crawling backwards, sobbed, and clutched onto Connor’s tie. This was such a painful scene to watch and Colton did it flawlessly. Bless that boy.

-All the social media in you will be found.

-The 👏 vocals👏 in 👏YWBF

-All the pictures of Connor lighting up the stage. (one of Mikes toddler pics is in there and it’s presh)

-Larry breaking down and clinging onto Cynthia

-All the screens with Evan giving his speech

-Evan starts out so small in that number and just watching him grow and be awed by the media, my heart.

-I was shaking throughout the entire number and intermission.

-Omg Alana and Evan working on the Connor Project is gold. She’s slowly hiding Evan away and the audience loved it.

-Evan awkwardly trying to be cool around Larry.

-“Kid that’s lost control” dead silence.

-I actually kinda like Larry after seeing it live??

- “I’m not breaking up with you” *Evan places his finger tips on her waist* “Thankyou”

-Evan is a bean

-LAURA’S VOICE

-OMG the scene where they were trying to give Heidi and Evan money was super uncomfortable. Evan just looks like he’s gonna be sick throughout that whole scene.

-Protect Heidi Hansen

-Will’s solo in “Good For You” 👌👌That is the good stuff.

-Jared looking like he’s going to run up and punch Evan. Evan running away timidly.

-Everyone cornering Evan and he looks so terrified.

-In the scene before Evan shows Alana the letter and he’s talking to Connor, the “suicide note” is lighting up the stage.

-Heidi in the “YWBF Reprise” and you can see the moment when she realizes that Evan wrote the note.

-Larry’s shell faltering for a second when he found out that Evan wrote the letter.

-“No mom who just was there” Cynthia sobbing and moving across the stage away from Evan.

-Colton was outstanding in “Words Fail”. he was bawling and looked so small. And after the “Worst of me” line he looked so defeated and helpless.

-OMG all of the sniffles from audience members during words fail. #me (i sobbed too)

-Heidi is my mom now

-Heidi giggles as she cries.

-BLESS RACHEL BAY JONES. SHE HAD EVERYONE CRYING DURING “So Big/So Small”

-Evan falling half off the couch and just clinging to Heidi. Heidi crying more as he does this.

-Colton’s eyes were so red from crying during this scene.

-The Orchard set is beautiful.

- The final speech and finale. Im wrecked.

So in final words I love Colton Ryan (i met him after the show as well as Rachel) as Evan and the whole cast. I have no idea how they all can do such an emotional show over and over. I’m so fortunate and honored to have seen such an amazing production. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

My Life as a Cartoon Network Intern (and how I think you can Intern in Animation too!)

Over this past summer, I was given the amazing opportunity to be a Production Intern at Cartoon Network (I worked on Clarence; woo!)

Every once in a while I get people who either come up to me in person, or who message me on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram etc. and ask me how I got the opportunity, and how they can intern in animation as well. Recently (Over the course of the last week or so) I’ve been asked a bunch, so I decided to create this massive master post in an attempt to get the information out to as many artists (and non-artists) as possible! 

I know a lot of people who feel like getting into the animation industry is completely impossible, (I should know, I felt the exact same way not too long ago) and I also know just how LITTLE references there actually are on finding an internship, and beyond that, the type of experiences that people who gotten the chance to intern have had. I told myself that if I got the internship, I would try to change that, and here we are! (A little late, but I really want to make this as helpful as possible)

If you all could please Reblog this to your followers I would love it! You never know who’s looking and hopefully, I can help people with my experiences! 

So to make it easier for people who don’t have the time to read all of my ramblings, AND for the sake of ease/reference; I’m going to break this post up into different sections: My Internship search My initial excitement/rejections - How I got the internship - My experience as an Intern and How Interning has helped me as an artist

My Internship search: 

Halfway through last year (My Sophomore year of college) I had decided that I would take a leap of faith and apply for some internships. I didn’t expect much of it, but my hopes were high because I thought I had at least a halfway decent portfolio, and my resume had some pretty okay animation experience on it (I’m the head of the only Animation organization on campus) and I’m majoring in animation so I had some 3D experience and 2D experience (which I’ve worked on on my own time, since it’s what I want to do) 

One of my biggest worries was the fact that I go to a state school: Southern Illinois University. The school is great, and I love it there, but I couldn’t afford art school, so I was very worried about how many opportunities there would be for me in Southern Illinois. Especially with the amount of amazing art that I see coming from people who go to schools like CalArs, Sheridan and the like. I was frustrated because I wasn’t there and felt like I would never get the opportunity to work in animation, which has been my dream since I could hold a pencil. Cartoons have changed my life, and they still do; but I was genuinely afraid that because I couldn’t afford a more art-related education, that I wouldn’t get the opportunity to tell stories like I’ve always dreamed. (But I digress) 

As I was saying: I was doing all of your standard (I want/need a job) searches to try to find something in animation: Glassdoor, Internships.com, JOBS.com; stuff like that. FUN FACT: I’ve read every single Glassdoor review for both Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. Every Job. All of them.

Some internships are a lot easier to find: Nickelodeon, Disney, Titmouse

While some are WAAAAAY more elusive: Cartoon Network… 

This narrowed my search down from a bunch of animation studios.. to a handful. My candidates were: Nickelodeon, Dreamworks and Titmouse. (All wonderful animation studios!) Now here’s where it gets interesting:

 My initial excitement/Rejections:

I didn’t hear back from any of them! NOT ONE. Which I learned after a very long, VERY stressful waiting period. (At this time it was early to mid April) Now; I knew that I was really too young to be applying for the internships, (I’m young for my grade so I was 19 at the time) And I knew that all of these internships specified that they wanted a Junior or above, but I figured since the year was almost over and I had good grades that MAYBE, they would let me slide. But I had no real experience working in animation, and although my hopes were high, they were also reeeeeeeal low. 

After waiting for the few weeks that I did, and not hearing a peep, I was dejected, frustrated, and I felt like there was no hope for me… Which leads us to…

HOW I GOT THE INTERNSHIP: 

When it comes to how I actually GOT the job: The answer I want to give you guys is that it was complete luck, and that by a series of random occurrences, somehow I was offered the position…. BUT, that’s only half true. Honestly, I worked really hard on making sure that I had as good a résumé as I possibly could: 

By that, I mean that I’ve worked really hard in school to get good grades/dean’s list/honors program, etc.; and I also started an animation organization on campus. (There’s a major, but there was a huge lack of enthusiasm and community within the program at SIU so I wanted to help to bring other artists and myself closer, and make great art while we’re at it) 

On top of that, I wrote (what I think was) a really good cover letter. But… Even with all three of those things, I don’t know if I would have gotten the position if it wasn’t for the internship coordinator at my school. I go to Southern Illinois University, and she pointed me in the direction of the Cartoon Network internship. (The Turner website isn’t like Nickelodeon, they only post internships when there’s a position to be filled)

LUCKILY for me, the Producer of Clarence (The wonderful Keith Mack) is an alum from SIU, so he connected with the internship coordinator (bless her heart) and I learned exactly when the position opened up. My resume and things got sent straight to him. I got a Skype interview a couple of weeks later, and I got accepted the day of the interview!

So I mean… Looking back, it was half luck, half hard work. 

It’s not like the grades and stuff really matter outside of college; Grades are just arbitrary letters, after all. But, I say that to say that I’ve tried to work hard in college even though I’m not at an art school, and that if you’re focused, it doesn’t really matter WHAT you’re good at; but how hard you work and the type of person you are. You can never go to college but be an amazing artist and an amazing person, and if you meet that ONE right person, or if you’re at that ONE correct place at the correct time; amazing things can happen; and I FIRMLY believe that. 

While I was at CN I was talking to someone (I don’t know if it’s best to call her out by name?..) But anyway she was telling me about how some of the artists are found at CN and she told me that Tumblr, YES TUMBLR. Is a HUUUUUUUUGE factor in the hiring of some people! So if you can… POST POST POST! Putting your art out there is the absolute best way to get seen. You NEVER know who’s looking at your artwork, and this website is an amazing platform for sharing, and learning about art. (And as a shameless plug: The blog Artists-Everyday is actually meant for just that ;) check it ouuuuut)

But moving forward; let’s talk about: 

THE INTERVIEW:

The interview to be an intern at CN was both really intimidating, and really comfortable at the same time. I love animation pretty much more than anything, so the idea that a single interview could determine whether or not I got a life-changing opportunity was pretty much one of the most daunting things that I could think of. The fact that I was in southern Illinois RIGHT at the time that I would have had to interview really didn’t help either… It was really scary to me, because it meant that I wasn’t going to be able to interview in person. It was a Skype interview, (a group one at that) and it was my first time ever interviewing for a position online. 

Once I got past all of the initial fear, the interview was smooth sailing. They had already seen my resume and cover letter; so we really just spent a lot of time talking about casual things: my favorite animated movie, what my favorite episode of Clarence was, etc. It wasn’t like your usual interview where they ask “why would we hire you” or “what is your greatest weakness” and I really appreciated that. They weren’t robots, they weren’t the ANIMATION GODS like I was imagining in my head – they were actual people, who happen to love animation, and the interview reflected that. 

I learned that I had gotten the position the day that I interviewed, and I’m SO GLAD I didn’t have to wait any more days, because at that point I was on fire on the inside. II don’t know what the hiring process was like for interns on different shows, so don’t take my word for how long it’ll take if you make it this far) 


MY EXPERIENCE AS AN INTERN/HOW IT’S HELPED ME AS AN ARTIST:

There is no one word to describe how amazing it is to work at Cartoon Network. A lot of CN stuff is “hush hush” high security, and they don’t allow you to take pictures of the inside of the buildings - So I’m not going to say much, other than: It’s magic. Pure magic. But I will say one thing: Free food. AT ALL TIMES. EVERY DAY. 

Working there is one of the most creatively satisfying things I’ve ever done in my life. The people, the atmosphere… it was all so inspiring. I’ve learned more in those past three months than I have in the last two years, and It’s all because I was surrounded by so many people who are better than me. People, who I might add, are some of the greatest, nicest, and most helpful people I’ve met in a long time. Plus, Cartoon Network really goes out on a limb to take care of their employees. 

I got to sit in on voice actors doing their recordings, I got to see storyboard pitches, I got to see animatics and assets for episodes that were unaired, and it was all being created right in front of me by such PASSIONATE people. 

I EVEN GOT TO MEET TOM KENNY. He remembered my name… 

As a production intern you get to see the logistic side of things: and you really grow to appreciate Production and that side of the industry, because without the production team, there would be no show! Even though I want to be a storyboard artist, I now know more about the industry and Cartoon Network as a whole, and it makes me feel much more connected to the shows that I watch on television.

One of the other biggest things about the program is the fact that I got to take storyboard/character design tests for practice, and I got the chance to pitch a show to the studio, in front of the Clarence Crew and even some really important executives! which was an AMAZING opportunity that I learned a TON from. I got amazing feedback, and I had to push myself harder than I’ve ever pushed myself before. Mentally, artistically, and personally. 


IN CONCLUSION

It’s possible. Being an intern at an animation studio is possible. Getting a job in animation is possible. Making friends in animation, and actually feeling like you belong to something you’ve dreamed about since you were a child is POSSIBLE. It doesn’t matter where you go to school, it doesn’t matter if you’re afraid, and it doesn’t matter what you look like. People are drawn to people who are genuine; and if you love animation, or production, or storyboarding or character design, and you work hard and try to really open yourself up artistically; you CAN do it. Take it from the 20 year old black guy who loves anime, video games and cartoons. You can do it. 


I don’t know how many people will see this or how helpful it actually is; but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to share this info with your followers, and on top of that if you guys EVER have any questions about my experiences or need me to clarify anything for ANY reason you’re absolutely welcome to contact me! 

I know how many people would love to intern, and I know (from experience) how DREADFUL It is to find conducive information about how the process works and how YOU can get an internship. 

Hope you guys stuck with this post till the end, and like I said if you ever have any more questions, (hell, or if you even want to share YOUR art with me… I’m always open!) 

TL;DR:                  This Gif Sums it Up 

-Sean 

HAMILTON : AN AMERICAN MUSICAL  → STARTERS

  • ❛ he was longing for something to be a part of. ❜
  • ❛ and the world is gonna know your name. ❜
  • ❛ there’s a million things i haven’t done, but just you wait. ❜
  • ❛ you never learned to take your time. ❜
  • ❛ talk less…smile more. ❜
  • ❛ who’s the best? c’est moi! ❜
  • ❛ the plan is to fan this spark into a flame. ❜
  • ❛ i’m not throwing away my shot. ❜
  • ❛ i may not live to see our glory, but i will gladly join the fight !  ❜
  • ❛ they’ll tell the story of tonight. ❜
  • ❛ tomorrow there’ll be more of us. ❜
  • ❛ i’m looking for a mind at work. ❜
  • ❛ look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now. ❜
  • ❛ oh my god. tear this dude apart. ❜
  • ❛ i will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love… ❜
  • ❛ dying is easy, young man… living is harder. ❜
  • ❛ then you walked in and my heart went ‘boom’! ❜
  • ❛ you look at me and suddenly i’m helpless. ❜
  • ❛ i am so into you. ❜
  • ❛ i’m just saying if you really loved me, you would share him. ❜
  • ❛ love doesn’t discriminate from the sinners and the saints. ❜
  • ❛ i’m willing to wait for it. ❜
  • ❛ i am the one thing in life i can control. ❜
  • ❛ call me son one more time —…. ❜
  • ❛ i don’t pretend to know the challenges you’re facing. ❜
  • ❛ that would be enough. ❜
  • ❛ and we could be enough. ❜
  • ❛ let me a part of the narrative in the story they will write one day. ❜
  • ❛ you have no control : who lives, who dies, who tells your story. ❜
  • ❛ history has its eyes on you. ❜
  • ❛ awesome. wow. ❜
  • ❛ i’ll make the world safe and sound for you. ❜
  • ❛ why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room? ❜
  • ❛ what’d i miss? ❜
  • ❛ run away with us for the summer. ❜
  • ❛ take a break. ❜
  • ❛ well, hate the sin, love the sinner. ❜
  • ❛ no one else was in the room where it happened. ❜
  • ❛ and then we’ll teach them how to say goodbye. ❜
  • ❛ we both know what we know. ❜
  • ❛ i will choose her happiness over mine every time. ❜
  • ❛ god, i hope you’re satisfied. ❜
  • ❛ i saved every letter you wrote me. ❜
  • ❛ you built me palaces out of paragraphs. ❜
  • ❛ be careful with that one, love, he will do what it takes to survive. ❜
  • ❛ when you were mine, the world seemed to burn. ❜
  • ❛ the world has no right to my heart. ❜
  • ❛ i hope that you burn. ❜
  • ❛ everything is legal in new jersey… ❜
  • ❛ i’m so sorry for forgetting what you taught me. ❜
  • ❛ it’s quiet uptown. ❜
  • ❛ they are trying to do the unimaginable. ❜
  • ❛ there are moments that the words don’t reach. ❜
  • ❛ forgiveness. can you imagine? ❜
  • ❛ i had only one thought before the slaughter. ❜
  • ❛ i imagine death so much, it feels more like a memory. ❜
  • ❛ what is a legacy? it’s planting seeds in a garden you will never see. ❜
  • ❛ death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints. ❜
  • ❛ i survived, but i paid for it. ❜
  • ❛ have i done enough? will they tell my story? ❜

haihaihaihaihaihaihaihaihai  asked:

Regarding the soundtrack for S4, I've noticed a new motif that originated in TST, a sombre violin piece that begins at 1:13 on track 6 'Running Away', used for the scene where John reads the letter Mary wrote about running away. So naturally I assumed this was Mary's theme, until today when I heard it again in TLD (track 7 of the TLD soundtrack 'No Charges' at 0:45), but slowed down. The scene in TLD is where John hits Sherlock, so it has nothing to do with Mary. What may we deduce of this?

Hi Lovely! 

Here’s “Running Away”:

And here’s “No Charges”

What struck me first of all, on Running Away, WAS THE GODDAMNED VIOLIN. A lot of us speculate that Mary’s letter is ACTUALLY Sherlock’s letter that he wanted to write to John when he left him at TRF. Alright, stay with me here for a second: Sherlock writes his “love songs” on violin, and they’re always melancholy and ALWAYS for John (sorry, but Irene’s Theme is FOR JOHN); I think this is ACTUALLY meant to represent Sherlock’s character and his pining for John, his apology for leaving him. It’s also tightly intermingled with hints of John’s theme sped up in it as well.

Then, in No Charges, you are correct – it’s DOES bear a terribly striking resemblance to Running Away, just played an octave or semi-octave down or on a different scale. Which causes it to sound SADDER. Because now Sherlock feels like he is getting what he deserves for leaving John, doomed to a life of infinite sadness and loneliness. Technically, it’s also relating to Mary since they are discussing Mary in that scene, but yes, I do honestly believe anything played by the violin in ANY of the soundtracks are a reflection of Sherlock’s feelings.

God I actually cried writing this. I hadn’t had the chance yet to listen to S4′s soundtrack, so I’m glad I got to for this. 

If you’re interested, there’s interesting meta about the entirety of the S4 music here by @holmesianscholar!

The Hausmates as stuff my bf did
  • Bitty: came to school in bright pink pajamas with little dancing zebras on them just because
  • Jack: Got me sunflowers during February bc he is just that extra
  • Holster: put a flower in his mouth chewed on it then tried to kiss me (it was our first date)
  • Ransom: teared his meniscus while twerking
  • Lardo: chased ducks and fell into the pond trying to catch them
  • Shitty: Got so high that, when he wanted to kiss me at the cinema, he leaned to the wrong side and kissed a stranger on the cheek instead
  • Dex: Once went on a two page long rent about the German train system during an exam
  • Nursey: befriended every bus driver he knows and has not paid for a bus ticket in five years
  • Chowder: still draws little sun's into the corners of letters he sends to people
  • Tango: Once wrote the pope a letter asking him to be his prom date
  • Whiskey: once used all his money to drunkenly buy two life sized stone gargoyles
Together

“You’ve had some pretty bloody stupid ideas before, Remus Lupin, but this has got to be up there.”

Tonks buried her short nails into the palms of her hands, for fear of them shaking. A baby’s cry echoed from upstairs.

“This is it, Tonks. They need all the help they can get.”

“Then we both go.”

“No.”

Tonks silently cursed the day she married a man as stubborn as she was. It did not bode well for arguments.

“We’re partners, Remus. We fight together. That’s how it’s always been.”

“Not this time.”

She unclenched her fists, but there was nothing to hold on to, so she clenched them again.

“So you’re just going to leave? After last time?”

When Remus had returned and looked at her with broken eyes and held on to her as though he were falling, she had forgiven him. But she knew better than to trust in the promises he made. She had lost enough people to know those who leave don’t always have a choice.

“Dora, I don’t have a choice.”

“You do. This time, you do.” She closed her eyes and willed her voice not to waver. “I’m not asking you to stay behind. But we’re too out of practice… neither of us can fight like we used to. This won’t be a fair fight.”

Her voice remained steady but the tears in her eyes betrayed her, and Remus threaded his fingers through her own.

“You’ll die if you go there alone.”

Remus held her to his chest and she felt the rise and fall of it, his steady heartbeat. A hungry wail cut through the silent hallway, and she knew.

“Look after Teddy for me,” he whispered into her hair. Lilac shifted to a soft, pale blue. “I love you.”

After the door had clicked shut behind him, Tonks climbed the stairs to their son’s room. She picked him up and cradled him gently, ignoring how her stomach twisted as she smiled at their matching hair. She told him that Daddy had something important to do, but he couldn’t do it alone, so she was going to help him and make sure they both came home.

She hummed softly to drown out her thoughts whilst she wrote a letter to her mother.


Tonks ran through the dust and the chaos towards the Great Hall, knowing there wasn’t enough time but praying for it anyway. She felt the air crackle and her ears rang as she tore through the doors and she saw him, she saw his face and the way Dolohov drew back his wand and she didn’t hesitate before drawing back her own and screaming a curse.

Her aim was off – it hit the pillar by Dolohov’s head and showered him with rubble as he stumbled backwards. But she was by Remus’s side and he was filthy and bleeding from the head and alive, looking at her like she was the last thing left on earth.

Tonks knew there wasn’t enough time but prayed for it anyway as Dolohov found his footing and turned on them. Remus raised his wand and his free hand brushed hers.

“Together?”

Tonks looked past Dolohov into the eyes of her aunt.

“Together.”

3

Peter’s response to me asking if he could read the Doctor’s letter to Clara out loud was epic since he’s fully aware about fan fiction. XD But with this being a canon book, he found out it was safe. ;) I also loved it when he asked me if it was Clara that wrote it, but then said, “Oh, no, I wrote this.” He could have said, “Oh, no, the Doctor wrote this” but he didn’t, so it was like he was referring to his own self as the character, which makes it even more awesome!

Paper Planes (Lin-Manuel x Reader)

Summary: Soulmate AU where if you throw a paper plane out your window it always makes its way to your soulmate. You can’t write your full name, your location, or any contact info, anything else is fair game. It’s up to fate to bring you together.

Word Count: 1,775

Warnings: Zero proofreading. It’s strictly fluff though so you’re safe here.

A/N: This was such a cute idea and also reminded me of that one Disney short. You know the one. Also, I will jump at any opportunity I can to write sappy love notes and Lin’s messy handwriting. Please don’t ask me about logistics of this, I have no idea what happens if your window is shut and your soulmate throws a plane, I’m just here to write fluff.
___________________________________

Your parents had told you the story all through your childhood. They would always weave you intricate tales at bedtime about how you might meet your soulmate. Your favorite stories always had a prince playing that role. As you got older the stories evolved from fictitious plots to questions and conversations. 

You received your first letter from him at seven years old. It took you by surprise when the paper plane made of blue construction paper landed on the floor of your bedroom. You scrambled from you bed to scoop it up and inspect it. You unfolded it carefully, flipping it over.

‘ Hi! My name is Lin! ‘

You yelped as if the paper itself had spoken and ran into the living room where your mom was preoccupied with a book. She seemed to notice your panic because her eyes immediately left the pages to study your face.

“They wrote you, didn’t they?” she asked wryly with a twinkle in her eye. You squeaked out a yes, shoving the blue paper towards her. She unfolded it to see the note before chuckling. “Well, are you gonna write them back or not?”

You spent the entire night debating and when your mom came into your room to kiss you goodbye before she left for work she saw you sitting on the floor surrounded in papers. 

“For them or from them?” she asked with an amused smile as she leaned against your doorway.

“For.”

Keep reading

Reasons why I love every SVT member

I have laughed AN D CRIED a lot because of this fine group. I’m sure many others can relate to that.
I would like to take some time to appreciate and note the members individually because they all deserve the world, thanks.
(Prepare yourselves, I wrote lots???? Like…. lots.

S.Coups:

Some might say that Seungcheol isn’t fit to be in charge of the group. Well let me tell ya baby boyz why he most certainly is. S. Coups naturally has that fatherly type of image. Like “dad of the year” award type of fatherly. There is something about him that influences others to feel protected. He genuinely cares for all of the members and keeps everyone’s emotions in line. It takes a special kind of person to do that. One incident that spoke volumes to me was how he handled “Seventeen Project.” He knew when things were starting to take a negative turn and he wasn’t afraid to voice his opinions. (In a calm and rational way). BOI I CRIED. Despite the put-together (and sometimes tough) image he projects, he’s a rather sensitive person. The reason why he’s so supportive is because he longs for support himself. I think being in Seventeen has made him feel a sense of belonging. The mans has done a wonderful job and he deserves respect. I don’t think there is anyone else meant to be leader.  

Keep reading

  • Teacher: So, who knows John Laurens?
  • Me: * puts hand in the air *
  • Teacher: Can you tell us something about him?
  • Me: well.. he was a lieutenant and he established the first all black battalion. He was a close friend of Alexander Hamilton's, one of the founding fathers of america. Like... a REALLY close friend. Like, take your definition of close and multiply it by 1000. They wrote each other these lov-.... these letters in which they expressed their affections. And so they were close friends. John was not interested in women according to this father. Did I mention his friend, Alexander Hamilton?

10 years ago: The Chris Benoit double murder-suicide
[June 25th, 2017]

It was Sunday, June 24th, 2007. I was at a Buffalo Wild Wings with my ex-girlfriend and a friend of mine as we’d gathered monthly to watch the WWE pay per view. On this instance, it was Vengeance: Night Of Champions, an event where CM Punk would be battling Chris Benoit to determine the new ECW World Heavyweight Champion, a title that had been vacated by Bobby Lashley. As the event went on, it was announced that John Morrison would be replacing Benoit, with little explanation given as to why Benoit wasn’t on the show.

The next day, as I was driving home from work, my friend Brandon (who I’d watched the pay per view with the night before) called to tell me the news: Chris Benoit was dead. As I sat at a stoplight only minutes from my house, I remember crying immediately. Benoit wasn’t just a favorite wrestler of mine, but an inspiration to work harder, to never give up, to persist in the face of adversity, and to chase every dream you have, regardless of whether or not they’re attainable. I remember a video package the WWE had released for Benoit featuring the Finger Eleven song “One Thing”. This song still stands as one of my biggest inspirations as I recall how hard Benoit worked in wrestling.

What made this death that much more of a shock to me was that only weeks earlier, Benoit had wrestled at an Ohio Valley Wrestling event that I was at. He was very personable, smiling at anyone who approached him and happy to speak with anybody who had questions. This is a photo snapped that day:

I watched Raw that night as Vince McMahon, who only a week earlier had been “blown up” in a limousine, stood solemnly in a ring that stood in an empty arena, speaking about Benoit as the episode showcased Benoit’s finest moments in the ring. The episode was originally supposed to be a 3-hour memorial tribute to McMahon. Throughout the night, different wrestlers spoke on their fallen friend, some very upset and downtrodden, but it seemed that some knew the grisly details where others hadn’t. Two testimonials that stood out to me were Chavo Guerrero Jr.’s, and a very grim one from William Regal:

Regal seemed to lead on that he knew more about the situation, as he neglected to comment on Benoit the man, but rather on Benoit the wrestler. As the week unfolded, details surrounding Benoit’s death came to light and showed that Chris, his wife Nancy (formerly known as Woman in ECW and WCW), and his youngest son Daniel were all found dead in the home that they shared in Atlanta, Georgia. According to the autopsy, Nancy was murdered first, bound at the feet and wrists. She died of asphyxiation on Friday, June 22nd, and was found wrapped in a towel with blood under her head and a bible placed next to her bed. According to the autopsy on Daniel, he had died on Saturday morning as he lay in bed, again with a bible placed next to him, with Benoit himself dying on Sunday, having used a weight machine to break his own neck as a bible lay on the weight machine.

Although that’s the official cause of death listed for each of those involved, there are a lot of details that have been ignored following the incident. For example, several voicemails were left by Benoit to wrestler Chavo Guerrero Jr. and WWE official Brad Armstrong, both of whom stated that Benoit seemed “off”. Chavo later told that he had spoken to Benoit, who claimed that he’d missed his flight and wouldn’t be appearing at Vengeance: Night Of Champions, and was stressed out due to Nancy and Daniel having food poisoning. On Sunday morning, between 3:51 and 3:58am, several texts were sent to co-workers and fellow wrestlers from both Chris and Nancy’s cell phones, stating that the dogs were in the enclosed pool area, and that the garage side door had been left open. A call was also placed to WWE officials by Benoit, who alleged that he was taking his family to the hospital and would be in Houston for the event.

According to Nancy’s sister, Sandra, Benoit’s computer history included “ the quickest and easiest way to break a neck”. When WWE official John Laurinaitis contacted the Fayette County Sheriff’s Department to check on the family, the police notified the WWE around 4:15pm to say that three bodies had been found, and that the home was ruled as “a major crime scene”.

Several motives have been listed for the crime, such as Benoit’s mental state being so deteriorated due to years of head trauma that his brain “resembled an 85-year-old Alzheimer’s patient”. Steroids were also listed as a potential lead for the cause, as “roid rage” has been prevalent for years among athletes, but as several wrestlers have stated since the incident, “how many baseball players have killed their wife and kid?” It’s also noted that steroid rage usually leads to “rage, not deliberation”, which leads to the question of why Nancy’s arms and legs had been bound. It’s been stated by Benoit’s peers that he was immensely paranoid, often traveling different routes from the airport to get to his home in order to evade potential followers. Several wrestlers have claimed that Benoit would have two sides: one that would lash out at you, and another that would be your best friend, with the events of the day dictating which one you spoke to. Brad Armstrong, however, stated that Benoit “never said a cross word to anybody”.

In 2003, Nancy had filed for divorce, citing “domestic abuse”, but the divorce was dropped and the two continued to be married until their deaths. Hardcore Holly would later state in his autobiography that Benoit would drink heavily when issues with Nancy would arise, which several wrestlers later confirmed. As more details surrounding the Benoit case arose, the WWE issued the following statement on SmackDown:

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Last night on Monday Night Raw, the WWE presented a special tribute show, recognizing the career of Chris Benoit. However, now some 26 hours later, the facts of this horrific tragedy are now apparent. Therefore, other than my comments, there will be no mention of Mr. Benoit’s name tonight. On the contrary, tonight’s show will be dedicated to everyone who has been affected by this terrible incident. This evening marks the first step of the healing process. Tonight, WWE performers will do what they do better than anyone else in the world: entertain you. 

Following this, the WWE have done all but eliminate Benoit from their history, often negating that he was part of several high profile events such as the Royal Rumble which Benoit won in 2004, or the main event of WrestleMania XX, where Benoit defeated Triple H to win the World Heavyweight Championship. Truly tragic, as the moment has often been cited as one of the greatest in ‘Mania history.

This photo is said to have been taken on Saturday morning, as Nancy was dead in Benoit’s home. One strange part of the Benoit situation is that Nancy’s Wikipedia page (which can be edited by anyone) listed Nancy as being dead 14 hours before the bodies were found. The original edit listed, “Chris Benoit was replaced by Johnny Nitro for the ECW World Championship match at Vengeance, as Benoit was not there due to personal issues, stemming from the death of his wife Nancy.” The man who posted this claimed that it was written due to rumors he’d heard on the internet, and it was found that he’d also made several edits to other Wikipedia articles that were unfounded.

It was claimed that Benoit was “given ten months to live due to an enlarged heart” by Nancy’s sister. What’s strange about the case is that a large knife was found under Daniel’s bed. Prior to her marriage to Benoit in 2000, Nancy was charged with aggravated battery after chasing her former husband, Kevin Sullivan, with a knife in 1997. Benoit’s friend Dean Malenko stated, “He’s not a monster. We’re talking about a guy who, a month ago, was in Jacksonville and rather than drive down to Orlando, where he needed to be the next day, he took a flight to be home with Daniel.”

Another bizarre detail that never seems to get mentioned is that wrestler Dave Taylor was allegedly spotted at the Benoit residence before police arrived. Benoit’s neighbor Holly Schrepfer was contacted by police to enter the property before they arrived to secure the dogs and check on the family. She discovered the bodies, and whilst fleeting the home, claimed that she saw Dave and his wife carrying a platter of deli food. In no way does this point to Taylor being involved in the deaths, but it’s possible that he was coming by to check on his friend. It was suggested that he was sent by the WWE to check everything out and get the facts early to prevent a PR problem. This could also be why William Regal’s tribute was so grim, as the two were friends and tag team partners in the WWE. Taylor has since denied that this is possible, as he says he was in Texas on tour with the WWE. There is no evidence for him being in either location, other than Schrepfer’s claim.

Benoit kept a personal journal following the death of longtime best friend Eddie Guerrero. In it, he would write letters to Eddie, which makes me wonder why he never wrote a suicide note or a farewell. In the personal effects returned to Benoit’s father, a handwritten note was found in a bible that said “I am preparing to leave this Earth.” Within a few months of each other, Guerrero, Johnny Grunge, and Victor “Black Cat” Mar all died, respectively consisting of Benoit’s best friend, his local buddy who he went to after problems with Nancy, and his riding partner on Japanese tours. Chris’ diary remains weren’t found by police, but rather by neighbor Holly Schrepfer in a garbage can.

There are a lot of facts that don’t make sense with what has been alleged to have happened. Toxicology reports claim that all three involved in the incident, Chris, Nancy, and Daniel, were sedated heavily. There are claims that beer cans were found near Benoit’s body, but there was no alcohol found in his system. There were texts sent from Benoit’s phone that were sent AFTER Benoit’s time of death, as determined by police.

There are several wrestling fans who have turned on Benoit and refuse to give credit to his hard work in the sport. That is their prerogative. I personally loved Benoit as a wrestler and will never shun the fact that he gave a lot to wrestling, but I also don’t have children and have never been married. I don’t know how I’d feel from that perspective. That being said, after watching several videos and reading endless articles and write-ups regarding the case, I do think that everything is worth a second look, as I don’t think it happened quite like we all have been told that it did. Nevertheless, two great figures of wrestling history died ten years ago, and the wrestling world was changed forever as a result.

Rest in peace, Chris, Nancy, and Daniel.

anonymous asked:

You mentioned Pride and Prejudice in your post about classic novels, and I was wondering about a) your opinion of Mr. Darcy in general and b) your opinion of Darcy and Elizabeth as a couple.

Don’t let my mocking tone in that post fool you. I adore Mr. Darcy with all my heart, I merely object to the way he’s popularly associated with the image of this perfect, brooding hunk, when really he’s just a socially awkward loser.

Okay, okay, so our first introduction to Darcy is at a ball, where he:

  • Doesn’t dance
  • Can’t make small talk
  • Is generally rude and embarrassing
  • Stands awkwardly in the corner the whole night
  • Decides he might fancy this one girl, so he insults her.
  • Loudly.
  • Where anyone could overhear.
  • Including the girl.
  • Gets roundly insulted to his face by said girl, and his reaction is ‘…damn.’

Later on, he gets to know this girl a bit better. He warms up to her, and starts to act a little less like a standoffish jackass.

Then comes the infamous ball where the entire Bennet family, except for Jane and Lizzie, embarrass themselves. He convinces Bingley not to marry Jane because it would degrade him.

MONTHS pass, and Lizzie meets Mr. Darcy again. She finds out that he separated Jane and Bingley and she is SIMMERING with resentment. Darcy, on the other hand, (who must have been pining over her and doodling ‘Mrs Elizabeth Darcy’ in his notebooks all this time) decides this is the perfect time to propose marriage. He BURSTS into her house, completely unannounced, ignores her chilly reception, then makes awkward small talk and wanders around in agitation. Finally, he confesses that he loves her, against his better judgment, and insults her and her entire family before standing back, quite pleased with himself and convinced that she’s going to accept him.

But she doesn’t.

She lets him have it. She tells him how much she loathes him and exactly why. He is stunned. Mortified. No one has ever spoken to him like this. He’s quite used to getting everything he wants, and this just shakes him to his core. He stands there for a while with a face like a slapped arse, then, unable to defend himself, he slinks away with a haughty goodbye and goes off to wallow in shame and resentment.

And then.

THEN.

The next day Lizzie is walking around the grounds and Mr. Darcy finds her. Has he taken this time to compose himself so he might talk to her and explain himself better?

No.

He wrote a letter. He wrote a fucking letter. He probably spent all night agonising and poring over this thing. Then he skulked around the grounds ALL MORNING in the hope of finding her. His exact words: “I have been walking in the grove some time in the hope of meeting you. Will you do me the honour of reading that letter?”

And he shoves it in her hand.

Then he runs.

RUNS.

(Darcy you fucking walnut.)

Lizzie reads the letter, and of course it’s beautiful and eloquent and it says everything he’s too socially inept to say to her face. It radically alters her opinion of him.

In response to her criticisms, Darcy really does make an effort to change his manners. He was never a bad guy – it’s obvious how much he loves his friends and his baby sister, and Lizzie too, he just tends to be rude and haughty and socially awkward, something that’s understandable considering his station.

Lizzie meets him at Pemberley and he introduces her to his sister (which, over-protective big brother alert, is the biggest compliment he can give) and seeing how he treats her makes Lizzie just a tiny bit weak in the knees. JUST A LITTLE. NOT THAT SHE WANTS TO MARRY HIM OR ANYTHING HAHA wow his house is big.

THEN HE’S EVEN A GENTLEMAN TO HER AUNT AND UNCLE AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE SHE MIGHT THINK HE’S A BIT HANDSOME???? JUST A LITTLE?????

Then she hears her sister Lydia has run away with the renegade Mr. Wickham.

Mr. Darcy be like

NOT ON MY WATCH. NO SIR.

He comes to the rescue, finds Lydia and Wickham, and persuades them to marry with a hefty sum of money, thus rescuing the Bennets from disgrace. But. BUT.

HE DOES ALL THIS WITHOUT TELLING HER. OR THE REST OF HER FAMILY.

HER AUNT AND UNCLE TELL HER, MUCH LATER, THAT DARCY DID IT ALL AT GREAT PERSONAL EXPENSE.

And Lizzie’s just like ‘oh no.’

(Because every girl’s a slut for a gentleman who treats her and her family with respect.)

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL.

OH NO, THAT IS NOT ALL.

BINGLEY COMES BACK. MAH BOY BINGLEY COMES RIDING INTO TOWN TO SWEEP JANE OFF HER FEET.

Gee, I wonder who could have been behind that? I wonder who could possibly have persuaded Bingley that Jane truly did love him, and that her family was not beneath his station after all? WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE DONE THAT????

By this point Lizzie’s a hive of conflicting desires and emotions. That’s when Lady Catherine de Bourgh comes into her house, unannounced, and tells her not to marry Mr. Darcy.

How does Lizzie respond? Miss “From the very beginning – from the first moment, I may almost say – of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry” ?

She says, ‘WOW. FUCK YOU LADY. YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. HE’S A GENTLEMAN AND I AM A GENTLEMAN’S DAUGHTER. WE ARE EQUALS. I’LL MARRY WHOMEVER I PLEASE. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.’

(Oooooh, girl, you got it bad.)

After this, Darcy shows up and starts talking to Lizzie. And it KILLS me, because obviously he’d given up on ever winning her hand. He did all those things for her not because he wanted her to like him, but just because he loved her. He was upset when he found out her uncle had told her about what he did for Lydia and Wickham. UPSET. And while Lady Catherine had raged about how inferior Lizzie’s family was, just as Darcy once had, now Darcy says that he respects and loves them. He says Lady Catherine spoke to him of their encounter, and it filled him with hope that maybe she didn’t think he was an insufferable jackass anymore. ONLY when he receives this encouragement does he renew his proposal, and even then he adds, “one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.”

I MEAN???? Just LOOK at this precious sunflower, dumb and stuttering and full of “awkwardness and anxiety,” so fucking in love with this girl that he was willing to give his personality a complete overhaul and re-evaluate all his life choices, not because he thought it would make her like him, but JUST BECAUSE he loved her. And if she had refused him a second time, he would never have bothered her again. THAT is how you gentleman.

The name of the novel says it all – Pride and Prejudice. He’s proud and haughty, she’s prejudiced and rooted in her negative first impressions. These are the things they have to overcome, this is how they have to grow and evolve. He needs to lay aside his pride, she her prejudice, and only then can they be together.

Because they are perfect for each other. Absolutely, unequivocally. And when Jane Austen says they live happily ever after, I believe her.