so goddamn pale

caroldixonist  asked:

Prompt: I saw you die (aaaaannnggssstt!!). Love your stories, by the way! :)

A/N: Thank you lovely!xox

It was a little more fluffy than it was intended to be, I apologise.

Daryl was still shaking, eyes bloodshot and tired, hand clutching onto Carol’s for dear life.

Her eyes had fluttered open once or twice already, but he didn’t say a word, kept quiet until she fully came around. 

“Daryl,” she finally croaked, bleary eyes meeting his.

“Hey,” he said softly, voice sounding strained and choked.

“Wh-where am I?” she asked, glancing around the dimly lit room, hand curling around his tighter.

“Yer in the infirmary, lost a lotta blood today, doc’s gon’ need ta keep ya in a while.” 

“A lot of- Daryl, what happened? I don’t remember what happened.” The last thing she could remember was that morning, gearing up to take out another outpost.

Daryl’s thumb brushed back and forth across the grooves of her knuckles. 

“Ya got hurt,” he murmured quietly, his eyes going vacant as he relived the moment second by second. “One of ‘em fuckers shot ya, I tried ta push ya outta the way, shit Carol I tried. Ya were losing blood too quickly, had ta get ya outta there. By the time we got ya back ta Hilltop ya’d already passed out. By the time we got ya to the infirmary, ya’d stopped breathin’.”

Daryl took a shaky breath, his watery gaze finally flickered up to meet her wide eyed one. “I saw you die. For a whole goddamn minute I lost ya.” 

Daryl screwed his eyes shut to prevent the tears that threatened to fall. 

“Longest minute of my fuckin’ life,” he admitted, his thumb now running circles against the back of her hand.

Carol’s own thumb smoothed along the pulse point against his wrist, allowing herself to take in what he was telling her. She’d been dead, she could’ve turned in that minute, could’ve become one of the walking dead, could’ve left it to Daryl to be the one to put her down.

“I’m still here.” She knew her words would provide him with little comfort, but the fact of the matter was that it was the truth, she was still here.

“Didn’t know if ya were gonna come back, ya were so goddamn pale Carol, scared the crap outta me.” 

“I’m sorry.” She meant it too, she knew how much he worried about her as it was, without her dying on him as well.

“Ya best be, ain’t gon’ go pullin’ shit like that ‘gain. Too old for this crap, my heart can’t handle it.”

Carol gave a small smirk at that. “You’re not saying that I jump started your heart as well as mine?” she asked with a teasing in her eyes.

“Yer too weak ta be makin’ jokes right now woman,” he muttered in response, his thumb still tracing soothing patterns against her hand. “Ya need to rest up, pain meds’ll be wearing off soon. Got ya some more here, yer gonna want it,” he said holding up the small bottle, rattling it before placing it back down.

“You gonna play nurse whilst I’m recovering? Because that I like the sound of,” Carol asked with a grin.

“What I tell ya ‘bout makin’ jokes?” he said with narrowed eyes. “Ya ain’t gon’ like it when I’m on yer ass all day everyday ‘bout needin’ ta rest, cause I know ya ain’t gon’ listen.”

“Daryl, I’ll rest for the few days that are necessary, after that I need to get back to The Kingdom.”

“The hell ya are,” he almost growled. “I don’t know if ya heard me earlier but you died today, got shot, almost fuckin’ bled out. Yer stayin’ right fuckin’ here until I see goddamn fit.”

Carol shook her head at his stubbornness, nestling further down into the bed to get comfy. “Alright, jeeze. Wasn’t aware you had such a dominate side, maybe I’ll stick around just to see more of that,” she winked.

Daryl sighed in exasperation, wiping a hand down his tired face. “I’m gonna go get ya some more water, don’t even think ‘bout tryna move either while I’m gone.”

“There it is again,” she giggled, wincing slightly at the pain the shot through her stomach where the bullet wound was situated. 

He squeezed her hand once more before making a swift escape out of the small room, muttering to himself as he went. “Drivin’ me ta an early grave I swear ta god.”

when I was 7 years old,
I went at a friends
birthday party

I still remember
what her mother
gave her;

a tiny white puppy

that was so adorable
everyone just wanted to
hold him against their heart

but when my turn came
the poor thing cried
and slipped between my hands

before running away

my friends mother warned me
that it was impossible to love
fragile things that hard,

without hurting them

13 years later
I tried to apply her advice
when I met him

because he looked so goddamn fragile

with his pale skin
and the dark circles underneath
his sad sad eyes

that is exactly why
I didnt want to kiss him too hard;

I was too scared to take his breath away

and to end up
falling in love with a ghost
like I already did
too many times

and maybe I was so worried that I’d hurt him or break him

I forgot how broken
my own heart was

and now that I realize it

it is already too late
and I’m already

drinking red wine on the kitchen floor
crying about a boy who could’ve fixed me

but didn’t because I wasn’t able to let him do so

and that boy is already gone gone gone
like my friends tiny white puppy

and the only thing there is left of him
is an old grey t-shirt

and at least I can hug it
without worrying about

breaking it
or hurting it.

—  A tiny white puppy and a t-shirt from Old Navy, goldenkintsugi