so for someone to question this is painful

Something has been bother me about Baron Kelvin. (Well a lot about him bothered me, but there is one thing I wanted to focus on.) He was obsessed with Vincent and real!Ciel - and his focus appeared to be mainly on the oldest twin. Although he was at the party and saw there were identical twin boys, he was focused only on real!Ciel. This is most likely due to the fact that our!Ciel was shyer and was described as having fragile health. I discussed this with with @abybweisse the other day, and we both agreed Kelvin was only interested in real!Ciel. In fact, it’s not clear if he even knew if both boys were kidnapped and being held by the cult. His focus was on real!Ciel.

This leads to something interesting. Kelvin went through great pains to recreate the ceremony. In fact, it’s often been questioned by the fandom how he knew so much. Someone who wasn’t there that particular night must have given him information or he had seen it some time in the past. What is interesting, however, is that while trying to perfectly replicate the scenario, he didn’t try to ‘create’ a twin.

He could have dressed up a child to look like our!Ciel or even made some sort of dummy. If he had any idea that both boys were being held by the cult, it seems like he would have thought that this could have affected either one. He wants this Ciel to be back in the same state of mind, but yet he never thought about the fact his brother might have been a factor in his mental state. Kelvin believed that it was real!Ciel who had been kidnapped by the cult, had escaped, and was now standing before him.

Could this be how a lot of people saw the twins? I think both were loved by their family, but could other people have seen them as Ciel and Ciel’s brother?

off limits | 01 (m)

pairing: kim seokjin x reader
genre/warnings: smut, dirty talk, dom! Jin, just dirty, dirty sex that my heart can’t take
words: 11,158
summary: you’ve been lusting after your brother’s best friend for a while now, ever since you met him at a house party, flirting it up a storm as you failed to realise who the other was. That was months ago now and things are still awkward, but you can’t ignore the sexual tension that’s simmers between the two of you…and it keeps getting worse…
note. the first of my requests!

» playlist | 01 | 02 | 03 |

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Klance - soulmate au

It happens for the first time when he is five.

He’s lying in bed with a cold, eating the chicken soup his mother made him, when he suddenly hears a bunch of children sing.

Lance recognizes the song immediately. It’s one of those they make you sing in kindergarten. He drops his spoon into the bowl and calls for his mom excitedly.

His soulmate must be around his age.


Keith almost falls off his bike from giggling.

He’s on his way home from school when his soulmate listens to some song about butts. It’s form him, he knows that.

It’s not what they usually listen to and it’s become kind of a habbit. They will listen to something with really weird lyrics at the most unexpected of times just to make Keith laugh. His parents find it a bit inappropriate at times but Keith doesn’t mind. He can feel his soulmate’s amusement each time and it makes him laugh even harder.

He likes to think about what his soulmate must be like. They mostly listen to pop-rock but sometimes classical music too. Keith likes it. It’s a nice contrast to his own undefinied taste in music. He also hears a lot of wedding and birthday songs so they must have a big family.

Their lives seem to be quite different but Keith likes to thinks that they complete each other.


Lance finds his soulmate’s taste in music weird. It’s not that he doesn’t like the songs, so far he liked all of them in some way. But there are so many different genres. He’s sure that his soulmate is one of those people who listen to everything as long as it sounds good in some way.

He keeps playlists. One playlist for every year since he turned 12. There are a lot of songs in them and they’re taking up a lot of memory but he refuses to delete anything.


When he’s 14 Keith is on edge. There have been no songs for over a week and he is starting to freak out. His soulmate usually listens to music every single day, so when there are no songs at all for that long… something must be very wrong, right?

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anonymous asked:

I'm curious about what procedures you think need to change in the livestock industry?

Practically, or philosophically? There is so much that can be talked about in this field

From a practical standpoint, there are a number of areas where current livestock practices are far from ideal. Farming has a huge history behind it, and many of these practices are ingrained and so difficult to change.

Before I go through the list, I should preface that if you’re not comfortable with the fact that farmed animals die for human benefit, if you just want all farms to stop using animals, then you’re not going to find this list satisfactory. If you’re fundamentally uncomfortable with livestock industries, and you haven’t already questioned why you consume the products it produces or what your alternatives are, then it might be worthwhile.

For now, these industries are not going anywhere. They’re certainly not perfect but we could improve them. Regardless of whether you personally believe all these industries should be ‘just stopped’ you have to agree that will not happen overnight, and that other welfare improvements could happen today.

  • Pain relief being more widely used. There has historically been an aversion to using pain relief medication in livestock due to expense, drug residues and the lack of products made for and tested in the species. This is beginning to change so there are not more options for pain relief at castration and mulesing , for example, but this needs to be more widely used. Another hurdle to this is that they are prescription products, and in order for a veterinarian to prescribe them they must have been out to that farm within the last year and be familiar with their set up and stock. Not every farm will call out a veterinarian on a regular basis.
  • Minimize transport time. Transport, whether by road, train, boat or plane, is incredibly stressful for livestock of all kinds. We can measure their physiological stress, so this is definitely not just anthropomorphism. Livestock are more stressed in transport than they are by witnessing death, which is the opposite to what many people would think. 
  • On-farm slaughter and refrigerated transport. Following on from the previous point, we have the technology to transport chilled carcasses. Performing slaughter on farm removes or eliminates a large percentage of the transport an individual animal needs to be exposed to, and will improve their welfare. Animals don’t perceive death the same way we do, having a mini abattoir at the farm entrance isn’t going to bother them.
  • Using genetics instead of procedures. It astounds me in this modern day that we still have breeders of hereford cattle that breed the horned version, and then de-horn the calves, instead of selecting stock with the polled (no horns) trait. If you want horns then fine, but if you’re going to cut/burn/cauterize them off anyway when why not remove them genetically? The polled gene exists! Similarly there are a small number of merino sheep with a ‘bare breech’ trait, which don’t need mulesing. It would be ideal to spread this trait through the Australian sheep population, but with millions and millions of sheep and a ram only about to impregnate about 60 a month, that will take time.
  • Enrichment. Toys. Something for animals to play with, to investigate, to do. This has been historically neglected for a long time because originally animals weren’t though to have souls, or to be thinking, feeling entities. We know differently now. Enrichment only improves the lives of these animals, and often reduces unwanted or destructive behavior, like piglets biting off each others tails.
  • Dam-neonate bonding in certain industries should be reconsidered. In some situations, the dairy industry in particular, neonates may be taken from their mothers within 24 hours to reduce disease transmission in eradication of certain diseases, like Johnes disease, but in other situations it’s because for some mind boggling reason it is more cost efficient for a farm to sell the mother’s milk and feed the neonate on milk replacer.  
  • In a similar vein, giving sows enough space to nurse their litter would be great. They’re kept in sow stalls (basically a cage that they can stand up or lie down in that the piglets can run through) so that they don’t squash their piglets and kill them. That’s great and all, except you can accomplish the same thing by giving the sow more space to turn around it and slopes on the wall of the pen.

So, the important question I hope you’re asking is why don’t we do these things already?

There are lots and lots of reasons someone could grab, but the short (and I dare say more honest) reason is this: Money.

Granting an animal more space costs you money because it reduces the number of animals you can stock in your space. Using more pain relief medication costs you money. Calling out a vet costs you money. Providing enrichment costs you various amounts of money. On-farm slaughter and refrigerated transport is more expensive than the current system.

So if this is all about money, is it the fault of greedy farmers? Well, generally no.

Most farmers actually like the species of animal they work with. And most of them, especially with recent droughts, the current political climate and monopolization of the companies that buy their products, are not making big buckets of cash. More and more farms are selling up and small producers are not keeping up.

They are under constant pressure to lower the prices of their animal products because there’s only a few big buyers, and right now it’s the buyers that dictate what price they’re willing to pay. Because these animal products are perishable, you can’t save them for a rainy day if you don’t sell them, and these buyers are big enough, they can hold out and only pay what they want to pay. This severe downward pressure means farmers get paid progressively less, and these companies make more profits while claiming it’s good for consumers.

^ Look familiar?

So we get cheaper food, the company makes more profit, and the individual farms get screwed.

Especially with milk, there was a huge crisis recently where one of the big milk buyers suddenly declared it had been overpaying dairies, and that not only was it now going to pay them much less for the season (on contract mind you), but that all their dairies now owed them thousands of dollars. After years of downward price pressure on their product many farms could not, and can not, afford this. You can get an overview here.

The point I’m trying to get to is that if these industries are gong to improve, then we need to value the individual animal and its experience of life more than we currently do. 

If we value the experiences of the individual animal, and consequently put our money where our mouth is when it comes to their products, then there should be both motivation and financial ability to improve their lives. We could progress from mere ‘prevention of cruelty’ and minimum standards towards animal welfare and good welfare states.

Changing consumer patterns is probably the only way to do this, and it’s quite hard when you’re already paycheck to paycheck, but a in depth rant/discussion about politics/policy/economics etc is beyond my scope, though I would happily add veterinary and industry specific detail to a discussion if someone wants to tackle that side of it.

People ask me all the time why I’m so afraid of falling in love. I’m afraid because I don’t want to fall so insanely hard for a person only for them to leave me like I never meant a damn thing. I’m afraid that no matter how many sweet things I say or do, it just won’t be good enough. I’m afraid that after kissing me goodbye they are going to go off and kiss somebody else hello. I’m afraid of falling deeper in love with someone everyday while they are falling out of love everyday. I’m afraid of the pain that comes with heartbreak. I’m afraid to deal with the countless nights of crying and endless questions wondering where everything went wrong. I’m so terrified of the concept of love but no matter how great my fear is I always let myself fall, I fall every damn time.
Midnight Talks Pt. One || Peter Parker Imagine

Originally posted by space1boy

(not my gif)

Word Count: 743 words

Pairing: Spider-Man x reader

You turned to look at the alarm clock. 12:00 am. Thinking about how much school was going to suck tomorrow due to your terrible sleep schedule, you decided to turn off the lights and try to get some sleep. All that was going through your mind was Peter Parker. He is something else. His hair is so fluffy and his eyes are the color of chocolate. Peter and his dumb science jokes are only some of the reasons why you like him so much. He is just, amazing. (see what i did there)

Glancing at your phone one last time, a loud sudden banging at your window startled you. “What the hell…” You muttered under your breath as you started slowly walking towards the glass pane, scarred to death at who would be at your window at midnight.

You stood in front of the clear glass in shock at the red and blue suit. It was Spider-Man. THE fucking Spider-Man. And he did not look like he was having a good day.

You pushed open the window and grabbed the man’s very muscular arm to guide him into your bedroom. “Shit, shit, shit. Dude, are you okay?” You asked as the city’s hero was now on your floor, on his stomach, groaning in plain. “Yeah I’m, I’m okay.” He said trying to get up off the floor, getting onto his hands and knees before he fell back down.

“Do you need anything?” You asked, worried about the man, who sounded almost like a teenager. “Ummm, I-I just. Who are you? Where’s Ned?” He asked through gritted teeth. “Sorry buddy, there isn’t a Ned that lives here. But I’m Y/N and I think you might need an ice pack or something,” you answered. “and maybe an Advil.”

“Y-yes please. That would be awesome.” Spider-Man replied. You rushed to grab a frozen bag of some random food to use as a makeshift ice pack and a glass of water before heading towards your bathroom. You very quietly searched for the pill bottle to not disturb your family. After a few seconds or searching, you grabbed the Advil and tiptoed back to your bedroom. You silently shut the room’s door and turned around to see that the “man” was now leaning against your bed. You went and sat next to him as you handed him the frozen bag, and opened the pill bottle to give him the medicine. “Thanks.” He muttered as he but the bag of frozen food against his ribs before chucking the pills in his mouth and chugging the water.

“So, Spider-Dude,” you said while taking the glass away from his gloved hand and placing it on the floor, ”why did you umm, crawl through my window? Like out of all the windows in this big city?” You asked, looking at where you assumed his eyes would be.  "Well,” he sighed, “I thought this was someone else’s room. So imagine my surprise when I find a very beautiful girl standing above my crippled body.“ He chuckled at the entire situation. Boy, was it a mess.

…..Spider-Man thinks I’m pretty. THE Spider-Man thinks I’m pretty.

“Is this actually happening right now or am I just dreaming?” You asked yourself. This time, you both chuckled. “Well, as much as this hurts my ego, I did in fact groan in pain on your floor just a few minutes ago.” You laughed, he was such a funny guy.

“How old are you?” You questioned out of the blue. “What?” Spider-Man asked back, kind of surprised by your question. “I mean, you sound so young you know? Not to be rude but you don’t really sound like a man.”

“Wow, Y/N. That hurts.” He said dramatically, while putting his hand over his heart. “No, I’m just, younger than most superheroes.” He answered.

“And yet you still are one of the best heroes out there.” You told him with a kind smile.

Even though you couldn’t see it, he smiled under the mask. “That means a lot, actually. Thank you.” Spider-Man said. He was about to say something else when the two of you heard police sirens in the distance. He sighed, as he stood up, leaving the frozen bag on the floor. “That’s my cue. See you around Y/N.” He said as he ran towards the window.

“You too, Spider-Man.” You said back, just before he jumped out of the window and went back to saving the city.

Part Two   Part Three

SU Theory: The Use Of Feeling Blue? - Their Use *IS*Feeling Blue!!

I’m going to start off by saying this is going to sound absolutely insane, but please please hear me out until the end. 

That Will Be All starts things off by revealing Blue Diamond, immediately shown crying over the loss of Pink Diamond. 

Now that is one stark contrast from what we originally saw of her back in The Answer

She was hardened then, willing to shatter a gem, even if that gem saved the life of a valued member of her court. Imagine disregarding a selfless act like that? That is ice cold.

But now, she’s broken. Thousands of years later, we learn, after having a taste of her own medicine, that all she does is spend time going back and forth between the Earth and the Zoo.

She abandons her post so much that Yellow had to come check on the zoo to catch her there again, and starts to sing a song to try to make her feel better.

It’s pretty clear that Blue is content mourning Pink forever, even willing to abandon her position as leader to do it. That’s some serious regret. 

And when Yellow suggests forgetting about Pink?

Nah. That’s not happening. It’s pretty clear Blue is having serious trouble letting go of the past. She seems to desperately want a do-over.

We’ve seen this character dynamic before.

I suspect the color parallels between Greg/Pearl and Yellow/Blue Diamond in Mr. Greg and this episode are foreshadowing.

Greg is Yellow, and Pearl is Blue. Pearl was unable to let go of the past, unable to get over losing Rose. Blue Diamond can’t accept having lost Pink. Even the names of their lost loved ones is the same name in different languages, it can’t get much more in your face than that really. They even fucking color coded it for us.

Greg helped Pearl move on after having been considered an enemy by Pearl for ages. Yellow Diamond is shown consistently trying to help Blue, doing anything in her power to do so, despite Blue’s clear disdain of Yellow’s efforts. 

But that’s where the similarities end, after that we end up with some interesting contrasts:

In Mr Greg, Steven was singing them a song that reminded them they’re all family, and how they needed someone who knew what they’re going through.

But in That Will Be All?

There’s empathy in the song, sure, Yellow understands Blue’s pain, but 

She’s lying to herself. She hasn’t moved on at all. Her repeating of the question ”What’s the use of feeling?” at the end implies she curses her own emotions for being so hard to repress. That’s why she wants to destroy the planet and forget about Pink altogether. They’re not talking anything out, Yellow is trying to push Blue along. Push herself along. She grasps the railing turning away from Blue Diamond as though in shame, here she was claiming to be above it all yet the moment she lets herself remember just a bit, she deteriorates. As though it’s the first time she’s allowing herself to feel anything about Pink’s death in thousands of years.

So the difference is, Steven’s song was about getting closure, while Yellow’s is more about repressing and damning the emotions that she can’t resolve. She was just projecting onto Blue.

That’s not all though. 

Greg was able to heal part of the pain of losing Rose by raising Steven, by telling him about his mom, by re-living his memories of his dead wifu with his son. What i mean is, having his son there to share in the pain of missing Rose helped a lot. Helps both of them a lot.

And as for Pearl, whenever she needed to, she could bring up a hologram of Rose and literally re-live her PTSD memories ad nauseum to get them all out of her system. In a way, she did get her do-over. She, at the very least, got to work out how to say goodbye, so that by the time she and Greg squashed the beef, she was ready and could finally move on to Mystery Girl.

But with the Diamonds? it’s a much more tragic picture. Yellow is in denial and wants to rush through/repress her pain and destroy the things that remind her of her loss. She refuses to face it. Blue on the other hand just can’t stop facing it. Not until she gets some sort of closure like Pearl. But that’s impossible, right?

I thought so too, until I heard this line;

WHAT!?

Hold the fuck up. Employ????? Blue wants to employ the Rose Quartz line? 

ALL OF THEM!??

Why?!?  Welp, hold on to your butts;

Yellow Diamond sings two pertinent verses: 

“Why would you want to employ her
Subjects that destroyed her?
Why keep up her silly
Zoo? Oh, tell me
What’s the use of feeling, Blue?“

and

“An army has a use
They can go and fight a war
A Sapphire has a use
She can tell you what it’s for
An Agate terrifies
A Lapis terraforms“

Yellow is juxtaposing the use of the Rose Quartz gems, as well as other gems in their society, with the use of emotions. What has Steven Universe been teaching us this whole time about emotions? What can they help you do? 

Heal. 

What else have we seen that heals things? 

Tears.

Blue claims she wants to go to Earth to preserve specimens. 

But what if she’s looking for her do-over instead? What if her regret and depression are so deep, they’ve driven her to want to go down to Earth to find Pink’s shards and have the Rose Quartz line, the entire line, cry on them? 

BONUS:

Whatever happens, the Rose Quartz line’s healing tears can be used to fix other huge, previously unsolvable problems:

Gaslighting. The Gift that Keeps on Giving.

Ok, I officially suck at sarcasm. 

The trouble with gaslighting is that it sticks. It becomes such an ingrained part of who you are and how you think. 

Examples: 

You were told often as a child that “you are always in the way” 

You can be minding your own business, stood perfectly still, just looking or thinking and someone bumps into you. Your first instinct is to say “sorry”. If by some miracle the person who walked into you manages to say sorry first… what are you going to reply? You reply “No, it’s my fault.. I am always in the way”. 

You were blamed or yelled at for things you didn’t do as a child. 

Someone you work with has their purse stolen. Your immediate emotional response is guilt and fear. You expect to be blamed and yelled at. You expect to be questioned by the authorities. You may even search your mind over and over for a memory or a clue that actually you are responsible and you did take the purse. 

Trying to confront your abuser with the truth of what they said resulting in denial. 

Those few occasions when you tried to express your pain, you were told it didn’t happen or was never said to you. So now, every time someone says something hurtful to you, you don’t respond. You can’t trust what you heard. You look for other meanings or decide you must have misunderstood. 

You were told you are difficult and oversensitive. 

You cannot now trust your emotional responses. You are afraid to react and express yourself in case others see just how ridiculous you really are. You bottle up your emotions to the point you cannot even cry sometimes and you feel empty. 

Growing up you were often told you were unlikable and unlovable. 

You find yourself as an adult not pursuing friendships or relationships. If they don’t call you, it’s a rejection. If they cancel plans, it’s a rejection. You come to believe that you are intrinsically not wanted by anyone unless they put in enough effort to get to know you and make it inside your defences.

Everything is always your fault.

Your friend stopped talking to you and you are asked “What did you do wrong?”. Now, the ending of a relationship is a dark journey into despair trying to find the flaw in yourself that ended it. You may call that person promising to change, if they could just please tell you what you did that was so wrong. No matter if they treated you badly, they wouldn’t do that if you could just be better. 

You feel crazy.

You can’t trust what you hear, what you see, what you think or how you respond. Nothing is solid and tangible. It’s always the worst case scenario. You are afraid of yourself and everyone around you. You are terrified people will see the “real you” and you will never see them again. You can’t push your career or your education because you can’t believe in yourself. 

Gaslighting is insidious and invasive and changes everything about the way we relate to ourselves. The only way to fight it is to be mindful. Take the time to think before you respond. Challenge yourself daily. Teach your inner voice to be kind to you. Learn to trust your instincts. Believe in yourself and the wonderful,  imperfectly perfect human being that you are. 

<3


Regarding Dean

Dean and Sam found you in the midst of packing your duffel – your face contorted with rage. You had spent all night searching for Dean after he ditched you at the bar, and it pissed you off to no end when you didn’t receive one call or even a goddamn text.

“Y/N, no, wait –“

“Sam, if you so much defend your brother right now, I will punch you. Let me guess, you found him hungover as hell at some diner.” You laughed humorlessly, refusing to look at the two brothers that stood by the door. Dean watched you in awe, a silly grin on his face as he watched you.

“If you would just listen for one minute I can explain what happened,” Sam tried again, he was sick of this already – trying to help Dean but he had pissed too many people off in the span of 24 hours. Quickly whirling around, you scowled at the two of them, becoming livid at the cheesy grin on your boyfriend’s face. It took everything in you not to roundhouse kick him. You had worried all night, praying to every higher power that he was okay – but of course, he acted like nothing happened.

“Well hello, gorgeous. And who might you be?” Dean smirked, licking his lips as he took in the sight of you.

“Fuck you, Dean. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore,” You hissed, unshed tears brimming your eyes. Why would he act like this? The two of you had been good…more than good for the past few months now ever since you realized that he hadn’t died from the bomb implanted in him to wipe out the Darkness.

“Whoa, feisty, babe. I’m sure we can work out whatever your problem is,” He merely winked, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his slacks. It took you a moment to process what he had said, eyes wide in disbelief. Turning towards Sam, you waited for an explanation for Dean’s behavior.

“Is he still drunk?” You seethed, raking your fingers through your hair, shoulders tense at the stupidity of the situation.

“No, Y/N. Now shut up and listen. He’s been hexed-“

“What? Sam! What the fuck!”

“It’s his memory. Apparently it’s disappearing, he crashed Baby because he forgot how to put it in reverse. He didn’t even know that he was hexed until we retraced his steps. He’s…forgetting people,” He winced slightly, knowing this would be painful for both you and him if he didn’t kill the damn witch siblings.

“So he doesn’t…Dean?” The eldest Winchester looked at you with a wide boyish grin, eager for your attention as you addressed him. “You don’t know who I am?”

His brows furrowed at you, wondering why you would ask such a question when he was positive he would remember someone like you. He turned to look at his brother, silently asking for help.

“That’s Y/N, Dean. She’s been hunting with us for the past 10 years or so. She’s, um – “

“I’m your girlfriend, Dean.”

Both you and Sam watched Dean process your words, brows furrowed in confusion before a wide boyish grin graced his lips, a smile you hadn’t seen since …god it had been over a decade. It took your breath away, watching how childish and just so carefree Dean was.

“Y/N, is my girlfriend? Oh lord, what did I do to have such a beautiful girl?” He murmured appreciatively, his calloused fingers reaching up and brushing a few strands of hair away from my face. You blushed. Honest-to-Chuck blushed. Sure you and Dean had your moments where the flirting was intense and still held that spark that had yet to die ever since you met him. But this was different. It was as if Dean was falling in love with you all over again and you enjoyed it way more than you should have.

“You’re lucky you have a reason as to what happened last night or else your ass would be out on the side of the road by now,” you playfully scowled at him, only to have him watch you with excitement at the fact that you were talking to him. Taking his hand, you led him over to the bed, sitting down next to him as you waited for Sam to finish his call with Rowena. You could feel Dean’s stare as you watched TV. “Could you not do that?” You grinned, watching as he bashfully looked away from you.

“Sorry it’s just, I can’t believe I can’t remember someone like you. I can – um, I can feel how much I loved, er, love you though and it’s quite frustrating to not have memories with it,” His words sent your heart racing against your chest, dammit Winchester. Even with him losing his memory, he was still just as charming as ever without even realizing it. 

“When you are in a toxic relationship you don’t realize how much the emotional abuse impacts you. Not while you’re in it at least. When you’re in a toxic relationship, everything about it is kind of addicting. It’s the knowing and not knowing what’s going to happen. It’s the hope that’ll it’ll change but there’s also comfort in things that are the same. There’s a comfort in someone knowing you so deeply.

And it takes everything in you to not walk away. And even when you walk away, you find yourself going back so many times because you miss him. You miss the adrenaline rush of high intense emotions. From love to screaming to making up.

But then you meet a good guy. And when that happens that’s when you realize how negatively this past relationship has affected you. And sometimes you even push people away because of it.

You aren’t used to being treated so well, you almost reject it.

1. At first, you expect the worst.

After a toxic relationship, you don’t trust anyone. Even yourself. You wonder how you tolerated such a relationship for so long. And you enter every relationship expecting the worst of someone. For a while, you don’t believe good guys do exist. Because for so long you looked for the wrong qualities and you accepted a lot of these people who didn’t deserve you.

2. And overthink everything.

You think everyone has motives or doesn’t mean what they say. When you’ve caught someone in lies so often it makes you paranoid as fuck. You don’t believe people can be honest or mean what they say. You make crazy assumptions and doubt really good people just because of one person.

Next thing you know you’re explaining to this guy how you got to this conclusion in your head and he’s baffled. Not because you’ve questioned him but that someone has made you this way and all he wants to do is reverse this.

3. You’ll think he’s too good to be true.

Someone treating you this well has got to be too good to be true. You’re expecting the other shoe to drop. You’re expecting him to lose it one day. You’re expecting some abrupt ending without closure. But every day he just proves to you he’s the same person he’s been from the start. He’s given you no reason to question him but it isn’t him you don’t trust it’s everyone in the past.

4. After you push him away.

Someone in the past has led you to believe you don’t deserve the best. So when you get it you reject it. You fear something good because you don’t want to lose it. You don’t want to get hurt again so you try and ruin it first. But what you’ll realize that’s different about this guy is when you run he’ll chase you. When you push him he’ll grab you close and not let you leave.

5. You’re going to expect fights.

You keep waiting for a fight. But instead, everything gets talked out and explained. And there’s this wave of comfort afterward and you realize normal people don’t leave the second something goes wrong.

6. Then you’ll apologize too often.

He’s going to wonder why you apologize so often or what it is you’re saying sorry for. He’ll see the pain in your eyes from someone in the past whose made you question yourself. He’ll see the pain in your heart trying so hard to love again when you’ve only known heartbreak. And he’s going to constantly reassure you everything is okay.

When a good guy loves someone who is broken who has only known toxic relationships, what he does is teach her she didn’t deserve anything she got. He redefines these horrible standards she has and he chooses to be the exception.

7. And question if they are better off without you.

You think they are better off without you but the truth is just as they have made your life better it goes both ways. And I know you’re scared to love again. I know you’re afraid to let anyone that close. But your sensitivity. Your compassion. Your strength and understanding and lack of judgment in everyone is what makes you beautiful.

In the past, you were able to love someone who was completely unlovable and intolerable. You found the good in them. You took a chance on them. You never gave up on them. And it’s your turn to have that reciprocated.

This new relationship isn’t what you are used to but it’s exactly what you deserve.

8. You overcompensate.

And when you finally get comfortable and accept this relationship you are going to love this person with everything you have in you. But don’t try too hard. Don’t think you have to. In the past, you were taught your best isn’t good enough. So you had to try too hard. You had to compete. You had to prove yourself.

What you should have learned was your best was good enough and it was him that didn’t deserve it.

9. Then you trust him.

There’s going to be a moment where you tell this guy everything that’s happened. A moment you trust him to let him that close. And when you tell him about the past and the people who have hurt you what you’ll find isn’t that’s he’s going to take off. It’s just given him a reason to stay.

I know someone in your past taught you about tough love. They taught you vulnerability is a weakness. You’ve had to be strong for so long and you’ve had to endure a lot of things you didn’t deserve. But all of it has made you more beautiful than you know. And all of it will make the right person appreciate you for overcoming all of it.

And with tears in your eyes even you will be grateful for a toxic relationship that didn’t destroy you but rather made you the strong person you are today.

10. Finally you learn what love really is.

You begin to realize that relationship that used to define your standard of love was so far from the real thing. You learn that love isn’t supposed to hurt you or be demeaning. Love isn’t supposed to break your heart just to build you back up. Love is not anything that comes in the form of jealousy. Whether it’s making you jealous or being jealous of you. The right type of love does not play games with your heart or want to see you in pain.

You realize all of that wasn’t love but control.

You build yourself back up and fearlessly love again, only this time you do it right.

The right type of love heals you and that’s exactly what this guy has done.”

Originally posted by nikkiiklebold

|| the rosewater potion ||

[[request prompt: /Harry Potter au/ …Person A (reader) was making a love potion for her crush and person B (Peter/her enemy) accidentally drank it. Nothing happened to them so person A thought she did it wrong and gave the rest to her best friend who /did/ actually fall in love w somebody meaning it worked…]]

guys, I’m sorry!! I know I said I would quit writing to focus on a personal project of mine, but I just got this request sent to me like a few hours ago and I just HAD to write it.

also a bit of a warning, peter is kind of an asshole in this story so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tags [permanent + peter parker]: @ghostedwolf , @lovelybaka , @animexchocolate, @psychicwitchphilosopher , @pharaohkiller , @moonlight53 , @literatureandimmature, @daydr3ams-away, @wannabe-weasley , @mcusebstan , @tmrhollandkay , @pepcvina , @nekonerdxox , @lokigirl18 , @fangeekkk , @kylielo22 , @wavy-ley , @lghockey , @buckysendoftheline , @1022bridgetp , @potterjamesharry , @aenna-4 , @mcheung0314 , @samanthasmileys

word count: 2,800+

**please don’t repost/plagiarize this story. Reblogs are fine**

——

You were staring at your crush, admiring his handsome features from afar as you had your Potions textbook open. Before your beloved Daniel stepped into the scene, you had been researching the recipe to make the perfect love potion, and you were determined to use it on Daniel.

Flakes of snow gently fell across the courtyard, making you shiver a bit from your seat on the bench. Your cheeks were turned into a rosy red as the air came out of your lips in wispy puffs, but you didn’t mind the cold so long as Daniel was around.

Keep reading

Bloody and Bruised

***PLEASE NOTE: This is a series. You can find all parts linked below.***

Pairing: Lafayette x Reader

Requested?: Yes, it was!

Prompt: “Oh sorry I got so excited I didn’t think to read the tags.. I’m a ditz sometimes. Number 7 or 11 with Lafayette x reader then. Sorry! (11. I found you bloody and bruised in a strange alleyway, so far from home.)” (P.S. you’re not a ditz my friend)

Words: 1.6k+

Part One | Part Two

A/N: so I was given a sentence for a drabble and this happened, haha. I wasn’t too sure how I felt about it but @secretschuylersister convinced me to post this so enjoy! 

Originally posted by hcwkeyes


You stepped out the back of the club for some fresh air. Being a bartender was hell when it was a Friday night and everyone in the city wanted to come to the “hottest club in the tri-state area”. You install a few blacklights and suddenly everyone is amazed that their white shirt glows in the dark. You rolled your eyes, pushing the loud, drunk customers to the back of your mind as you stretched. You froze when you heard a groan to your left. However, when you turned your head, nobody was there. You shrugged it off, leaning on the brick wall behind you when another groan came from the same direction.

“Help…me…” a voice croaked out.

You walked down the alley, pausing when you found a man laying in the middle of a pile of full trash bags.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” You asked before you could think about it.

Of course he isn’t okay, in the dim lighting of the alley you could see blood, a lot of it, staining the white shirt the man wore. His body language screamed fatigue and his voice was shaky and weak.

Keep reading

Painful Beauty (Mark x FemReader) FLUFF

Originally posted by nacija

(( gif not mine - ah I love Ethan omg ))

(A/n): lmao so I just decided that this was pretty cute. I was reading through the prompt’s that I reblogged and I got inspired by number 23. I hate you

Summary: Mark, Ethan and Tyler do a video with you where they do your makeup with things they find in the kitchen.

Warnings: If I said there wasn’t any swearing and fluff, I’d be lying.

_____

“Hello everybody! My name is Markiplier, and this is the kitchen face challenge!”

The introduction was cheery as per-usual. From the camera’s view, Ethan and Tyler stood on the right of (Y/n); with Mark speaking on the left.

The four were stationed in Mark’s studio, right in front of a large flat screen T.V that showcased a tranquil forest setting.

“Yayy….” (Y/n) uttered manageably, her enthusiasm forced and dry.

Ethen shared (Y/n)’s look of discomfort from beside her, shifting uncomfortably on his heels and giving the camera a cringy smile.

Ouchh,” Mark laughed along with Tyler before Tyler began to explain.

“So basically,” he took a glance at both you and Ethan “Mark is going to do (Y/n)’s full face and I’m going to do Ethan’s and at the end, who’s ever looks the best?” he drawed out and looked to Mark “Wins??”

“Exactly it Tyler.” Mark confirmed. “SO LET’S DO THIS. CAN WE GET 506,000,000 LIKES FOR HOT SAUCE EYESHADOW?!”

The camera zoomed in on Tyler’s face in silence.

They all laughed and broke apart.

“I’ll go get the tarps, yeah?” Tyler asked

“Yes, thanks Ty. (Y/n), you and Ethen go get your chairs that you will be sitting on,” asked Mark “and I will go get the tools~!” he finished in a manic, silly voice.

“Mark,” (Y/n) sighed and she turned to walk with Ethan “I hope you make me look fucking beautiful!”

❆  ❆  ❆

“Okay so I know you are my boyfriend and I should trust you,” (Y/n) began, leaning back in her chair “but I don’t.” she finished.

“NooOOooOoooOoooo…!” Mark whined “I trust me, so you should too.”

Tyler laughed and grabbed his phone.

“Alright, we each have exactly three minutes.” he said

“Ohh god.” groaned Ethen “(Y/n), let’s survive together, okay?” he held out a hand to said girl.

“Alright. You are my anchor.” she replied, dramatically grabbing his hand.

“CRANK(Y/N) CONFIRMED!” Mark and Tyler both shouted at the same time, causing you all to laugh once again.

“I guess I shouldn’t be saying that, because we are dating,” Mark chuckled “so, Ethen! Stay away from my woman, ya’ little blue bastard!”

Everyone laughed more.

“Okay, one… twothreego!” Tyler said quickly, hastily shoving his phone to the side.

“Oh, oh, okay!” Mark sputtered and looked at all the kitchen condiments below him, on the tarp.

“Way ahead of you.” Tyler stated, shoving some flour onto Ethen’s cheeks. “Beauty!” he said in some accent.

“LORDY, I cAN’T SEE!” Ethen wailed, beginning to paw at his eyes.

“DETAILS, DETAILS!” Tyler laughed loudly.

(Y/n) turned slowly to Mark and mouthed ‘please no’, the camera zoomed in on her face.

“Classic red lips is what I’m up for!” Mark said back, a goof smile on his face.

He took some Red Hot and dabbed a bit on his finger tip, being gentle when spreading it upon the girl’s lips. Tipping some also on her cheeks for extra measure.

“It burns.” she hissed, squinting her eyes.

“Beauty is pain, beauty is pain…” Mark repeated, continuing to scour the tarp. The brunette suddenly turned and winked in the direction of the lens. “That’s why it pains me to look at (Y/n) sometimes, because she is so damn pretty.”

“Awe~” she drawled. The Red Hot covered her actual blush.

“Well it pains me to look at you too Mark,” Ethan snickered “because you are so damn ugly.” and then he groaned again “That and this fucking flour makes it hurt when I open my eyes…”

Everyone laughed along with him.

“How much time we got?” Mark questioned.

“Thirty seconds.” Tyler replied. He was finishing up added a coco-powder beard to Ethen.

“Ah, balls!” Mark cried and at last minute snatched the vegemite. “Can someone say eyeshadow? Because I sure can.” he chuckled.

“I fucking can’t.” (Y/n) laughed as Mark applied the heavy spread to her eye lids.

“Time!” Tyler called.

Mark and (Y/n) both couldn’t stop laughing.

“I hate you.” (Y/n) sighed and didn’t even bother to open her eyes.

“Ya’ love me.” Mark said back, laughed his funny laugh, and leaned down to the girl’s face to give her a kiss.

(Y/n) could feel Mark in front of her and knew what he was looking for, so she gave it to him.

A sweet, Red Hot kiss.

“Oh my god, I hate you!” Mark cries dramatically, laughing quaintly “It. BURNS.”

“Beauty is pain.” the rest of them said in unison, bellowing with laughter.

_____

(A/n): Ah this one is cute though. I really do like this one, even though it’s pretty short?? Oh well. It’s great.

{Special} College!AU Kihyun
  • major: drama + classics (concentration: greek civilization) 
  • minor: ancient greek 
  • sports: is running around campus in a toga considered a sport? he did that once as a part of an impromptu production,,,,,, 
  • clubs: poets society, theater club, hosts the bi-yearly ‘on campus olympics’, playwrights united, so many tbh,,,,,,
  • kihyun’s love for drama comes from his love for greek mythology. it all started with him watching an old film version of the odyssey when he was ten and afterwards he couldn’t stop parading around the street asking everyone to call him “odysseus ruler of ithaca” 
  • but instead of going into film as a major, kihyun had started reading the playwrights of sophocles, euripides, and agathon and had fallen for the sheer madness of greek tragedy 
  • his love for both acting, writing, and the culture of ancient greece made him want to learn the language (although he is rather clumsy with it) but inevitably he ended up majoring in both drama and the classics 
  • bringing together the two things he loves most: being on stage himself, while also learning about the art of his favorite kind of plays
  • and everyone in the drama major agrees that if they ever put on productions based off ancient greek plays that kihyun HAS to be the main role -
  • like for their production of hamlet, kihyun was fine playing horatio - he didn’t have to be the prince but when they put on oedipus rex well,,,,,let’s just say there was no question kihyun wanted the role
  • mostly because in the play oedipus ends up blind and kihyun came into practice with a blindfold on and proceeded to try and prove he could still do everything without seeing anything,,,,he ended up in the nurses office buT HEY HE GOT THE ROLE
  • all his classes that focus on playwriting / scripts kihyun has this need to only write twists on greek mythology, or make up stories using the gods
  • and in costume design he’s always like “my sketches are based on artemis!! see the dress is short, but comfortable with nature-themed colors because artemis was the goddess of the hunt-”
  • and you know the way some people are harry potter nerds or ,,,, gamers ,,,,, or you know kpop fans,,,,, kihyun is a fan of ancient greece. to put it simply
  • and he’s really smart about the civilization, he knows so many facts and so many philosophers and writers and political figures - even though it might seem like he’s a little messy at times 
  • which believe me, kihyun can give off the messy feeling because he’s really easily frustrated by a A LOT of things. like he always gets too much on his schedule and then fusses about how he can’t finish
  • and minhyuk loves LOVES L O V E S to tease kihyun when kihyun is trying to focus on his work
  • and it ends up with kihyun chasing minhyuk around the library waving around his copy of ‘hippolytus’ like a weapon
  • but also kihyun always drags minhyuk into his room to read through lines with him or give him his opinion on kihyun’s acting
  • and minhyuk is like whY ME ASK SHOWNU and kihyun is like i can’t shownu’s only reaction is ‘good’ ‘nice’ ‘very pleasing’
  • like minhyuk and kihyun are always bickering if they’re in the same room and minhyuk’s always like ROFL YOU’RE SO MAD YOUR EARS TURNED RED!!!! and kihyun is like THEY DID NOT CO M E HERE SO I CAN WHOOP-
  • but in the end minhyuk is always one of the first people kihyun invites to his productions and it’s cute it’s like cats and dogs w/them
  • on the other hand, with everyone else kihyun is sooooooo sly and he’s always like,,,,,like he always knows everyones secrets and no one knows how
  • like he leaned over to jooheon once and was like “i heard you failed your test in global finance” and jooheon’s fry fell out of his mouth because he was like WHO TOLD YOU I SHREDDED THAT TEST and kihyun is just like (—–: heard it thru the grapevine~
  • also jooheon is just an easy target for kihyun because he always slips up and tells kihyun exactly what he wants to know and everyone is like kihyun let him live and kihyun is like hehehehe,,,,NO
  • tries to matchmake all his friends on blind dates and stuff because he calls himself the ‘modern day eros’
  • it flops most of the time and everyone in monsta x is like stop trying to wingman us and kihyun is like that’s why you’re all single because you won’t listen to me - the actual god of love
  • and even though kihyun seems like this responsible, on-top of his work kind of person there are times where,,,,,,,that isn’t very true
  • because college makes people doubt their abilities and kihyun has never been the kind of person who’d go around asking for help or advice,,,he always just gives his support 
  • but when he needs it most ??? he shuts down
  • and you learn this because every time you’ve ever seen kihyun,,,,you’ve seen the happy and excitable kihyun. the kihyun who laughs with his whole body, who speaks his lines with so much emotion that people C R Y, who is always shining on and off stage
  • you’ve seen him like this ever since you started volunteering to paint backgrounds for the theater club
  • and never once,,,,had you see him look sad. you’d seen him angrily yelling out when things were getting messed up, how he gets a little on edge when people keep messing up lines,,,,,maybe even the way his ears get red when he’s rushing to get rehearsal started but,,,,,,
  • sad??? nope
  • so you can only describe it as pure shock when you think that everyone has gone for the day and you’ve set up the large white banner that you have to paint for an upcoming production but as you step back inside the dark theater with buckets of paints you hear ??? crying
  • and it isn’t like sobbing or anything but you hear someone sniffle
  • and you consider like turning around and leaving them in peace, but when you catch a glimpse of the pink hair,,,,,,,,the pink hair of the only person on campus who has that bright of a dye job
  • you freeze and think “kihyun?”
  • and at first you don’t believe it because no way. someone so outspoken and charismatic wouldn’t seclude themselves to crying in the theater ,,,,,
  • but then you see him get up from the corner he’s slumped again, a liter of paper scraps making a ring around his feet
  • and that’s when you notice that you’ve locked eyes. your wide, confused ones staring into kihyun’s that are rimmed with redness and the tear stains down his cheeks glisten even so far away
  • something about it leaves you even more shocked ,,,,, because even like this kihyun is handsome. hauntingly handsome,,,,,,wiping at his face with his sleeves and desperately moving his eyes away from yours
  • and you think he’s just going to run past you. leave
  • but he seems stuck too 
  • and for a while you two just stand there in a silence broken only by kihyun sniffling every now and then and you shifting the paint can in your hands
  • and then you hear him go “im sorry, this is painfully awkward for you isn’t it?”
  • something sounds a bit bitter in his voice,,, what it is you don’t know ? but you transfix your stare and shake your head simply going “no. you’re the one that looks like you’re going through something painful”
  • kihyun’s head snaps up to look back at you and again,,,,,,something about the browns of his eyes seem illuminated and glassy
  • he bites back his lip but sadly drops his shoulders “you’re right. it is painful.”
  • now it probably isn’t your place to go around meddling into his business, but it’s never nice to leave someone crying alone without at least trying to extend a helping hand so shakily you step forward. setting down your can of paint you keep your eyes on him 
  • “what’s wrong?”
  • kihyun seems to break at the sound of your question. a visible shiver runs down his body and before you know it he’s back to his knees on the floor, picking up the scraps of paper and crumpling them in his hand
  • without really knowing why you rush over and try to pull the scraps from him. you unravel one and read the disjointed sentences, the obvious dialogue mixed in with stage commands 
  • it’s a script,,,,,,for a play
  • putting together a couple of more scraps you make out names like ‘aphrodite’ and ‘eros’. the names of ancient greek cities. words you can’t decipher but that are most obviously distinct of an old langue 
  • you look up at kihyun and he stares blankly at the paper before clenching his teeth
  • “they won’t approve it. greek tragedy isn’t popular in our time, it’s only meant to be studied.” you tilt your head and kihyun continues with a sigh
  • “every time we have to submit a draft, the professor gives it back. says, “kihyun stop writing tragedies. stop putting in obscure greek references. kihyun,,,,,,,,,,,do something more modern.” but i don’t want to. im not majoring in modern theater. im majoring in the classics. so what if i want to rewrite them. so what if i want to make a play about ancient gods no one cares about. i care about them. i ,,,,,,,,”
  • he stops and his gaze meets yours. your trying to piece the paper back, you want to read the scene but you can’t. it’s so ripped up
  • kihyun takes the paper and without looking at it recites that characters lines. he sets the place for you, olympus and than a city off the skirts of athens. you listen, enchanted at how he’s added all this to his memory. the smallest details, the expression on his characters faces
  • it’s only one scene that he recites aloud, but you edge closer and ask “is there more?”
  • kihyun lets out a shallow laugh and shakes his head “the professor said to give it up. i need to re-write something more to their taste.
  • you sit back on your heels and then get up, taking the paint can beside your feet and dipping it in a sand colored mix, you begin to paint a long line
  • kihyun watches and blinks “what is that?”
  • you turn to him and smile “ancient greek cities had columns right?you mentioned the outskirts of athens-”
  • kihyun gets up and  puts his hand over your wrist. he shakes his head and goes “you don’t have to.”
  • but you yank your hand and continue to paint. “i want to.”
  • for a couple of minutes you continue to paint, trying to imagine the backdrop kihyun described as best you can.
  • “what about the background you’re supposed to actually be drawing?” he asks and you run your free hand through your hair to push it back from your eyes
  • “ill do it after. right now, i want to paint this. i want to see a part of your play in front of my eyes.”
  • kihyun seems taken aback but he sees your determination. he steps back and you think he’s going to leave, maybe find you inarguable and give up
  • but then you hear him walk back and forth, taking in your painting so far and then a smile pulls at his lips
  • “well ok see the column, cover it in slight vine. there’s also a market scene in my play so we should add in stalls and maybe an animal or two-”
  • you and kihyun paint for hours. maybe three. maybe four. you and kihyun. alone.
  • you both end up with stained hands, sweat on your foreheads, and a half finished piece of artwork
  • kihyun grins and turns to you, “thank you.”
  • you shrug your shoulders, the overalls your wearing have long been stained with paint but now there’s even more and you feel bad because kihyun’s gotten his fancy looking sweater dirty but he doesn’t look like he cares at all
  • he’s looking at the background with shining eyes and you’re happy because you can see that the redness from crying is gone, that bitter tone in his voice is gone
  • and you’re looking at the passionate boy you’ve always found so mesmerizing again
  • but as  you two realized it’s getting late you set out the large banner to dry in a vacant part of the backstage. kihyun suddenly takes your hand and pushes his phone into it
  • “put in your name and contact so we can meet up and finish this?”
  • you gladly oblige and kihyun reads your name aloud when you’re done, almost like he’s testing it out as a line to read on stage. you feel a slight blush cross your cheeks when he says it so boldly but you hide it with a “hopefully this all drys over night.”
  • kihyun walks out of the theater with you, insisting that he hold half the empty paint cans and a brush between his teeth that makes you laugh
  • as you wave goodbye and go separate ways the warmness in your heart stays with you all the way to your dorm
  • the next day,,,,,,,,,,,,that warmness is gone
  • because the director of the play you were supposed to draw the background for is livid to see that instead of their european snowy mountains request,,,,,,you’ve drown an ancient greek cityscape
  • “are you an idiot? can you not listen to directions? HAVE YOU EVEN READ THE PLAY? this isn’t some bullshit remake of ‘Medea’. throw this out no one is going to use it!”
  • the yelling makes you flinch and you reluctantly try to roll the banner up but the director puts a hand in your way
  • “what are you doing? rip this to shreds, it’s garbage.”
  • you clench your jaw and stand up, “it’s not garbage. it’s for another play. i need to make sure not to ruin it.”
  • with a cocked eyebrow the director folds their hands and snorts “what other play? since when were there any greek productions approved by the theater club? no one wants to s-”
  • “i want to see it. i want to see my friends greek tragedy and im not going to ruin the art we worked hard on so if you can please shut up and move your hand. ill get to work on your background, practice for it doesn’t even start till next week.”
  • passing the director whose looking at you with an open mouth you roll the banner up and heave it into your hands. it’s long and heavy, but you figure you’ll be fine if you walk slow
  • but just before you do, another set of hands wraps around the big roll of paper and you see a familiar pink head stick out from the side
  • “need help?”
  • you grin at kihyun and the two of you lift up the unfinished background. the director mutters something about of COURSE kihyun wants to put on a play copying the tragedies and it takes everything in you not to snap at them
  • kihyun’s reassuring smile keeps you stable and the two of you walk out of the theater and kihyun leans the rolled up paper against the wall
  • “well, i guess ill keep it in my dorm. although im not sure my roommate will be happy about it,,,,,,then again shownu never really cares that much.”
  • you apologize but kihyun leans over to ruffle your hair
  • “why are you sorry? i should apologize for distracting you from making that other background. that asshole really went off on you - do you think you can just quit and permanently work for me?”
  • you know he’s half-joking but you play with the idea in your head for a minute before putting your hands on your sides and going “you know what, i think i will quit.”
  • and with that you turn on your heel, back into the theater before kihyun can stop you, and you shout “i QUIT”
  • before returning to kihyun whose waiting outside with his eyes the  size of the moon
  • “you- why- you”
  • you laugh and shrug “i don’t want to work for an asshole, might as well put my skill to good use for people who actually appreciate it.”
  • kihyun bites back a big grin and throws his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him suddenly and squeezing
  • “you know i owe you a lot!” you blush because he’s warm, his chest is solid and you fit so perfectly into the crook of his hand but you just manage to shadow it with another chuckle “you do! anyway, you need to finish writing the play,,,,,,”
  • kihyun lets you go and rummages around in his backpack, pulling out a thick stack of papers
  • “i spent all night on it. i mean i already had half done, but i actually finished it. you really motivated me.”
  • the words are simple but they make you heat up again and you take the stack, eager to flip through it and finally read the whole thing. kihyun somehow hauls the entire roll of paper onto his back and says he’ll call you when he’s free so you two can finish this up and so you can tell him what you think of the play. you nod and watch as he struggles across the quad,,,,,,,
  • you hold the play in your hands and think,,,,,it’s worth it. for him, it’s worth it.
  • you stay up reading it, even neglecting some studying to read it twice. from what you can figure out it’s a play on an greek romance tragedy where aphrodite meddles between a young girl and her secret lover,,,,,,,it’s kind of corny in some parts and over dramatic,,,but that’s the style that suits kihyun the best
  • and in the morning as you’re leaving for your first class you get a call 
  • kihyun’s excited voice on the other line calls your name and he says that if you have some free time to meet him in the art department soon. 
  • when you show up at the room kihyun told you about you see that all the desks are pushed against the wall and your unfinished background is spread on the floor surrounded by paint cans and brushes. kihyun is already on his knees, painting, wiping sweat away with one hand
  • but once he realizes you’ve come in he jumps to his feet and tugs you over by the wrist chattering about what he wants to add into the painting.
  • you guys paint together for horus, kihyun keeping the mood happy with jokes and stories and telling you more about the play he has in mind
  • at some point you two are sitting close together, shoulders basically rubbing up against each other
  • when kihyun leans over and you feel the tickle of a brush on your skin
  • and you look down to see kihyun painting a smiley face on your forearm
  • you retaliate by drawing a mustache on for him
  • he laughs and draws swirls on your cheeks
  • and the background is forgotten for a while as you both paint little things on one and other
  • kihyun covers you crooked flowers and scribbles of lines and you try to draw whiskers on his nose
  • and ,,,,,,,,, then you know kihyun is leaning in close
  • the brush he has is too big so he uses his finger to draw a pink petal on your forehead but then he makes the (good,,,,verY GOOD) mistake of looking into your eyes
  • and it’s still early afternoon with the sun peaking thru the blinds
  • of the empty classroom,,,,,
  • except,,,,,for you two,,,,,,,,,,
  • and your eyes are like,,,,,,,,,,,the most beautiful thing kihyun has seen in his entire life,,,,,your breathing both slowed,,,,,,,,your mouths inches apart,,,,,literally,,,,,
  • and both of you are thinking the same thing which is like ‘how soft are their lips,,,,,’
  • BUT ALAS NEITHER OF YOU DO ANYTHING AND INSTEAD PULL AWAY GOING BACK TO WORK EMBARASSED AS HELL
  • except kihyun cannot stop thinking about it and you keep touching your lips every second but ,,,,,,,,
  • kihyun just stops and goes “looks like we’re almost done!” in an effort to break the awkward air and you nod, adding some final details
  • and finally you get up and kihyun says you can leave it here to dry since no one is using this room today
  • and you don’t know why,,,,maybe it’s the leftover embarrassment, but you get your things and tell kihyun you have to go,,,,
  • but before you can make your escape kihyun calls out
  • “are you going to come and see my play?”
  • and you gasp because holy shit did he get it approved by the theater club????
  • but kihyun shakes his head and you’re like then how-??? and kihyun is like “just promise me, when i call you with an invitation you’ll show up right?”
  • and he puts out his pinkie and you’re like a bit confused but you link yours with his and promise
  • and kihyun reaches out like he’s going to ruffle your hair again but pulls back
  • and you leave,,,,,,,,,thinking about how kihyun is going to manage to pull off a play without the club but also,,,,,
  • your fingers touch your lips again,,,,,,but you’re like sTOP thinking about it let’s go do some homework or something instead!!!
  • ofc kihyun is in the room alone, staring down at the finished piece with his own hand over his mouth
  • before screaming out “YOO KIHYUN YOU ARE AN I D I O T” at himself and almost falling forward onto the damn background
  • but also like ,,,,,, two weeks passes and you don’t hear from kihyun. like you see him running around campus doing his usual thing, you see him teasing that other guy jooheon and hanging out with minhyuk
  • but everytime he turns and you think he might see you,,,,you duck behind a tree or pull up your hood
  • because ok you’re not going to admit it but,,,,,,,,,,,,you kind of are still embarrassed about the whole art room incident but,,,,,,you honestly though kihyun would have said or done something by now to show you it was all ok????
  • and you know it’s stubborn to not just text or call him first but you just caNT
  • and after it edges on three weeks you think well it isn’t worth it to care anymore. kihyun needed you around because you helped him with the painting. it didn’t really matter
  • but as you’re sitting in your dorm, watching some drama on your laptop your phone goes off and mindlessly you pick up w/o looking at the caller ID
  • and on the other line is,,,,,kihyun
  • who goes “you said you’d come if i invited you right? can you come down to the west dorms?”
  • and you sit up, almost knocking your laptop off your feet and you’re like “uh oh yes give me 5 minutes” and you can practically hear kihyun’s smile on the other end when he’s like ok great!
  • and that’s how you end up in kihyuns dorm,,,,,,, staring at the makeshift stage he’s made out of blankets on the floor and the familiar background you both painted taped onto his wall
  • and you’re not sure where kihyun is, but you can hear voices from the bathroom and suddenly ????? shownu comes out
  • wearing what you presume is a night sheet as a toga
  • and he starts off talking about his “daughter” who can’t find love and instantly you realize this is ,,,,, this is the script you read by kihyun
  • and then the ‘daughter’ runs out. it’s changkyun in a wig
  • followed by mischievous aphrodite played by minhyuk in another wig and a crown made out of plastic flowers
  • and the narrator in the back, who sits down in the corner is a very tired looking hyungwon
  • followed by the dashing young lover,,,,,,,,,,,, kihyun
  • (also in a night sheet toga)
  • and there’s music,,,,,,,every now and then provided by wonho with his ipod and jooheon who throws paper shavings everytime minhyuk appears since he’s playing a goddess
  • and the whole thing looks so,,,,,,,,so bizarre and silly
  • shownu pulls the script out of his toga to literally read off his lines and minhyuk is obviously improvising and when kihyun tries to hug changkyun changkyun almost smacks him away with his wig
  • and it’s,,,,,it’s a mess
  • but it’s kihyuns play. and you watch it: laughing and clapping and gasping when you need to
  • and finally, the last scene,,,,,,,,the last kiss between the girl and her lover,,,,,,
  • changkyun suddenly goes over to you and pulls you up, moving you toward his spot beside kihyun
  • whispering “he wanted it to be you, plus i don’t want to kiss him”
  • before sitting down where you were
  • and you’re looking at kihyun who says his last line before wrapping his arm around your waist and placing a gentle kiss right ,,,, on your lips
  • and you’re like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because oh god everyone is watching - was this kihyuns plan - he’s so soft and this kiss is so nice - wait oh god his friends are all watching
  • but then you can’t help it, your hand almost reflexively goes up to his neck to pull him closer
  • and hyungwon literaLLY clears his throat because AHEM this kiss is ‘short and sweet’ 
  • but when you two pull back it’s obvious the play is over and everyone in the room breaks into applause
  • but you’re star-struck staring at kihyun who just smiles and goes
  • “i’ve been waiting a long time to do that”
  • before turning to bow to the lone changkyun who is sitting where you were, pulling you down a bit so you bow too
  • and ,,,,,,,,,,, it’s crazy really
  • but somehow it feels right and you compliment everyone on their acting and helping and all of them crowd around to talk about how kihyun had bribed them to get them to do it
  • and it makes you laugh, hearing about how much effort kihyun put into this “play” just,,,,,,,,,,,,,,to show it to you
  • and once all his friends have filed out of the dorm. shownu leaving with jooheon to let you and kihyun be alone
  • you turn to him and go
  • “it was a good play, but you should really submit it to the theater club. it deserves more than just me seeing it.”
  • kihyun grins, kissing the side of your cheek and going “it’s ok. this play is special,,,,,,so special because it’s only meant for one person to see it.”
  • you: “me?”
  • kihyun: “the person i like.”
  • you: “so,,,,,,,,,me?”
  • kihyun: “pleASE i am trying to be romantic.”
  • you laugh again and kihyun collects you in his arms, pressing your foreheads together and wow yes kihyun asked you out by putting on a whole play for you and we ALL KNOW HE WOULD BE THIS EXTRA
  • but it’s cute,,,,,,,,,shownu comes back to find you and kihyun sitting in his bed reading through other stuff kihyun has written and shownu is like “id like to get some sleep but if you two plan on staying up giggling i will go make my bed somewhere else”
  • kihyun walks you back your dorm considering it’s dark out and you tell him that you’re serious though - he should get one of his plays put on by the theater club
  • kihyun just kisses you again and tells you you’re the best fan he’s ever had
  • and you hit him playfully because yes, fan but also -the best significant other???
  • and dating kihyun means literally just dating the most affectionate person in the world
  • from the moment you two meet up after your class to when kihyun has to leave you for practice ,,,,, kihyun is holding onto you
  • holding your hand, holding your waist, holding your face, literally just attached to your side
  • for that constant love and attention
  • and he’s even more passionate and dramatic than what you thought you knew
  • like he’ll get down on his knees with a rose in his mouth in front of your whoLE clASS on your 100 day anniversary
  • and he’ll insist on carrying you if you as much as scratch yourself on something
  • and he’ll serenade you outside your dorm window
  • and he’ll get his face printed on a t-shirt that says ‘i love kihyun’ as a gift for you
  • and oh gosh it sounds overwhelming but it’s all done with the best intentions because you best believe he makes himself a shirt that says ‘i love y/n’ with your face on it so he can wear it with pride
  • even though hyungwon sees this couple item and looks at you like please tell kihyun to burn these
  • but kihyun isn’t just passionate about you,,,,,,,,he’s passionate about your life too. he’s always cheering you up when you’re in a slump over course work or friends or family. and your family loves him because he literally is so polite and so well-mannered around them
  • and even on little holidays that most people overlook he’s like ‘let me call your family and thank them for bringing you into this world one again-’ and  you’re like PLEASE 
  • kihyun is also super smart,,,,,like he knows so much about ancient greek civilization and when he practices the language in front of you you’re like ‘you’re a genius’ and kihyun is like ‘i know, you’re lucky to be dating me. the next socrates’
  • and you’re like ok bye but he begs you to stay with many kisses
  • and he’s a drama major, and people think it’s easy but you know how kihyun stays up studying lines and then working on props that the club might need, and revising his own personal playwrights
  • and when you learn that he’s even taking a class on like lighting techniques??? for like stages???
  • you’re honestly like,,,,,,he is a genius and so hardworking,,,,,
  • so you’re always like giving kihyun a shoulder massage or helping organize his notes and he’s like “you really  care well for me”
  • and you play it off like WHAT would you do without me,,,,,but you’re just really proud of his hardwork
  • and that’s why when you hear that the club is looking of putting out another production you insist that kihyun submit one of his plays,,,,,but he gets all concerned again
  • so with confidence you submit a copy of it yourself and it gets picked?? and when kihyun finds out he runs to your first
  • and literally picks you up in a spinning hug because he’s like mY PLAY and you’re like I tOLD you TheY’D LOVE IT
  • and that one teacher that kept telling him to stop writing in that style,,,,,,well let’s just say he’s quite embarrassed when the whole drama department gets excited over seeing the club put on something modeled after the ancient greek play
  • and you ofc help to paint the background
  • and while kihyun is practicing, every now and then he’ll break his concentration to surprise you with back hugs and kisses on the neck
  • on opening night of the production,,,,, you have a front row seat along with the rest of monsta x
  • and it’s amazing,,,,,kihyun shines so powerfully with his performance
  • but watching him makeout with the other lead,,,,,well,,,,,let’s just say you force jooheon to cover your eyes for you
  • but after as you’re all congratulating all the student actors
  • you pull kihyun aside and just,,,,,,,,well just you kiss him with a bit more force than ever and kihyun pulls back like ‘is this a gift for my performance or are you trying to tell me something?”
  • and you blush because Shut UP but,,,,,also,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you’re like “kihyun let’s celebrate more,,,,,,,,alone,,,,,,,,in your dorm,,,,,tell shownu to spend the night somewhere else”
  • and kihyun’s ears go redder than blood and he doesn’t even have to open his mouth when you two show up in front of shownu
  • because kihyun’s hair is a mess already since you made out with him and his ears are blushing and you’re already nudging him in the side and shownu gets it
  • he’s like “ill comeback tomorrow, you two have fun. be safe”
  • let’s just say when shownu comes around in the morning he has to throw another blanket on top of you and kihyun LOL
  • and kihyun is amazing,,,,,,,at acting,,,,,,,at being a boyfriend,,,,,at ahem other things
  • BUT he’s also a good cook and when you find him at your dorm with late night snacks he made or just when you two have the time to use the communal kitchen
  • you’re just like im blessed,,,,he’s everything
  • and one summer kihyun surprises you with money he’s saved up for a trip to greece before the semester starts again and you’re like kIHYUN where did you get the money,,,,,,,,,,, and he just grins because apparently translating ancient greek for some older scholars is actually quite a well paying side job and you didn’t even know he was doing it
  • but ,,,,,,,,,,,, you guys go and it’s amazing. it’s short only a week, but it’s amazing and kihyun is like “if you hadn’t said all those thing, about how you wanted to watch my play no matter what,,,,,,i would have probably dropped out of drama as a major.” and you’re like what oh my god ,,, and he just grins 
  • and brings you close and nuzzles his face against yours because,,,,,,,,you motivated him so much and you continue to motivate him
  • and you’re like kihyun!!! you motivate me too!!! you keep me stable and positive
  • and it’s just romantic,,,,,,,,,,,,,kihyun makes everything so romantic
  • and once you get back and another semester of college starts and all of monsta x is so jealous of your ‘lovers getaway’ to greece
  • kihyun is like “hey, let me wingman you guys and sooner or later you’ll all be on your own lovers getaways ;)”
  • all of monsta x: no
  • kihyun: you all are missing out. like i have a s/o and you don’t think about that hMMMMMMM 
  • you: *face in your hands* why is he like this,,,,,,,,

college!vixx (here) & college!bts (here) & college!seventeen (here)

find special college!jb (here), college!mark tuan (here) college!youngjae (here), college!jinyoung (here) & college!jackson (here)

find special college!amber (here)

find special college!wonho (here) , college!im (here), college!hyungwon (here)

and please look forward to more special college!aus!

Ok so I’m watching TLD cuz Sherlock is freaking adorable and I’m just now realizing how many plot holes there are. I know everyone has been pointing these out, but this is just insane

  • why does everyone keep thinking it’s Sherlock’s blog? It’s very obviously from John’s POV, and this has never happened before. It doesn’t make sense
  • Why bring in H H Holmes for absolutely no reason other than to serve as Smith’s inspiration? Why do we need a serial killer to have a mentor?
  • why have both John and Sherlock talking to people who supposedly aren’t there, only to make one actually having been there? Why do we need that mirror then?
  • WHO IS SENDING MARY’S POSTMORTEM DVD SPECIALS??
  • who the hell is John? seriously. If he needs to have a serial killer tell him to see that his friend is suffering and in pain, question him on whether he’s actually a doctor, because seriously anyone could see that he needed help. The John we’ve seen until now, in fact any medical professional, would not wait and stand guard while his friend shoots up in the bathroom.
  • why did Sherlock say Smith had the scalpel when he in fact had the scalpel???
  • why blame Sherlock for Mary’s death? I get the whole grief, anger, and need to blame someone, but like. Really. It’s so obvious that Sherlock didn’t do anything
  • WHY DID JOHN BEAT SHERLOCK TO THE POINT OF INTENSE HOSPITALIZATION? THAT WAS JUST INSANE
  • how did Sherlock manage to notice that she was suicidal and alone and has a small kitchen but fails to notice that sHE ISN’T THE WOMAN FROM THE PICTURE HE REFERENCED. RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER
  • why the random shot of people dressed up as aliens, right before Smith filming the commercial?
  • ok this is random, but at 1:09:58, there’s a reflection of the bed in the window, but it looks like in the reflection there’s no one in the bed.
  • why does Smith say that after he’s confessed he can break America? where did America come from??
  • also, when did mycroft’s office go from a huge room, well-lit with comfortable chairs, to what looks like a prison cell, grid on the ceiling, grey metal everywhere, tiny room
  • why did the change lady smallwoods name?
  • also – if the gun Eurus shot John with was a tranquilizer gun, why did it smoke? I do not believe tranquilizer guns smoke. this one is, as we say, the smoking gun that something is up *fingers guns*

anyone wanna add or answer or just freak out with me?

tags under the cut

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increasinglyembarrassed  asked:

Hey Mom, I had a question about red clover and I was hoping you are your badass herbal knowledge could point me in the right direction? So I saw a cool post about it and how it's great for menstrual pain and contains ingredients that are just overall good for you, and I was wondering if you agreed it's a good thing to take? I'm trying to make sure I cross check all herbal posts before I do anything.

Hello tumblr child <3 

Red clover is one of those ones I’m slightly unconvinced about. I know some people rave about it as a sort of cure all for certain conditions—especially anything related to menstrual health and other things female bodied individuals tend to be prone towards. (hot flashes, breast cancer, osteoporosis, bad cholesterol, off the top of my head)

There’s actually fairly insignificant scientific proof that it helps with these things, and I’m personally slightly wary of using it as it acts like estrogen when taken in medicinal amounts, and while that might help with some people’s symptoms, it could actually worsen it for others. It can also interact badly with birth control bills for that reason, and I’ve heard from other people who tried taking it, that it fucked their anti-depressants over and made their mood swings more extreme.

But again, those were just anecdotal and I’m not a doctor.  I do know it’s on the list of things my allergist gave me under “things not to take” because it’ll stop my allergy meds from working. I think it’s to do with how the meds break down in the liver. So I could see it affecting similar other long acting drugs.

I just know that for me personally when it comes to menstrual pain and reproductive health, my go-to recommendation is raspberry leaf tea. (note: note raspberry tea, raspberry leaf tea, though some are flavored with real raspberries too) 

You can either buy the leaves online, harvest your own or go to a tea store. This is a fairly good one and readily available in a lot of stores: [Amazon Link]

It can also act like estrogen in the body for some people, but doesn’t interact with medications the same way red clover can. Which is not to say that red clover is bad for everyone, I’m just…skeptical, of seeing it crop up everywhere at the moment, and wary of suggesting it to anyone, especially when I myself would never use it.

I hope that helps some. I’ve got a few qualified and up to date herbalists on my list too, so if anyone would like to interject or add anything, feel free. 

I can’t allow myself to be touched by those hands.

…Not only because he thinks Doumeki is so good and he doesn’t deserve someone like Doumeki. He can’t be touched by those hands because once he feels it he will never be able to unfeel it. He will change, and he will realize something he has been running away from. He will want love and gentleness and he will want more of it. He will question pain as a source of pleasure and will recognize loneliness. He will miss the tender touches, the caress and embraces and the kisses and will want more and more of that. Everything will change and the path he knows will crumble. His mask and his defensive wall will break down. Without those he will be hurt more easily. He will become naked and vulnerable and so he cannot allow himself to be touched by those gentle hands filled with love.

anonymous asked:

Tarry finding out that Percy only recently titled Vex and just assuming because of that and well everything else that they intend to marry. Then out of the blue just asking the both of them or just Percy when the wedding will be.

bless u for giving me an excuse to write something like this and try out Tary’s voice <3

If there is one thing Taryon’s upbringing has made sure he excels in, it is small talk. The art of polite conversation is essential to running a respectable household (even if the money upon which the household was built was perhaps not acquired in the most respectable way), and so Taryon prides himself on knowing the ins and outs of carrying a conversation. As a recently inducted member of Vox Machina, there are of course different rules, because Taryon (they call him Tary! like friends!) is of course more than a mere acquaintance. 

“It was a splendid ceremony,” Taryon says, in the midst of a discussion regarding Antl- ah, Keyleth’s ara-whats-it with her Ashari people. “Will there be a similar one for Lady Vex with you?”

Percy pauses in his work, if only for a brief moment, and lets slip a wry grin. It’s familiar in that Percy tends to wear it when talking or thinking of Vex, and really Taryon should have realized they were infatuated with each other, but well. They couldn’t have hidden it from him for long, obviously, despite being private people. 

“It was a matter of paperwork for Vex, actually,” Percy says, getting back into the motions of tinkering with something that could doubtless be improved with a bit of alchemical tweaking, but Percy is touchy about such things. “The, ahm, ‘ceremony’ is a bit further down the road and will involve far fewer speeches, though hopefully everyone will be willing to attend anyway.”

Let it not be said Taryon cannot pick up on a hint when it’s so badly hidden. And clearly Percy wants someone to pry and ask, or he wouldn’t be so cagey in the answer to a simple question.

“You have something special planned for the wedding then?”

Percy slips and nearly takes off a finger, sticking the bleeding appendage into his mouth instantly with a pained groan.

“For the what?” he demands, strangled and muffled around his finger in his mouth.

“The wedding, of course!” Taryon laughs at the absurd overreaction. Really, he can’t think Taryon is so unversed in the ways of the world or think so little of Percival as to believe he’d tease a woman so badly by elevating his lover to a marriageable station and then not getting hitched. “You obviously have something unique in mind, what with that peculiar answer. Tell me all about it!”

Percy is silent for a handful of seconds, crosses the room for a bandage to wrap his bleeding finger in, and comes back looking much more at ease.

“How about I tell you about the Grey Hunt instead?” he says finally. “Vex might be upset if I were talking about plans without her.”

“If you insist,” Taryon allows. If he’s being entirely honest, Vex makes him increasingly nervous and he’d rather not get on her bad side. “Tell me about this Grey Hunt then, it sounds fascinating!”

I Have Questions

OMG…..Now I have a thousand of questions too. I think that so painful but at the same time so beautiful. I love art because art can heal the artist who made and the others around him/her. I think that’s beautiful when someone turns the pain in art. I can imagine how much Camila felt hurt cuz she’s such a young and mature girl…and so emotional and deep. I felt her pain in the video, with her tears… but every time she’s smiling now my heart feel warm cuz I know she’s healed and happy doing her dream come true. I’m not so young anymore and I don’t consider myself like Camilizer, I just admire her artistic soul. What I think the funniest thing is that souls are invisible, but I can clearly see her’s. I see all these feelings and I see art. I love when I see art in people.

I love art. I love the fact that art can express things that sometimes we can’t speak… but we can sing, paint, dance, draw…

I’m a singer/songwriter and I’m so emotional right now.

Art makes me free.

Art makes me happy but at the same time, she allows me to be sad and express myself if I want it.

Thanks, art.

Thanks, Camila! @waakeme-up

On the Brink - Chapter 2

Pairings: Lucifer x You

Warnings: Torture. Tiny bit of wing kink.

@teamfreewilllovesyou

Originally posted by natedrkes

They came for Lucifer in the early morning hours and you could hear his screams echoing through your cell. You wondered if he had been able to hear you yesterday and you supposed he probably had. It was some time before they brought him back and the demons were carrying him between them. His legs dragged on the floor and he was groaning. You sat up, your back sending little tendrils of pain throughout your body, and watched as they dumped him in the middle of the cell. He collapsed in a heap, moaning, and you could see blood soaking through his shirt on his back.

The demons left, but Lucifer didn’t move. He just laid there, much like you had the day before. You realized you felt bad for him, shockingly enough. You scooted over towards him.

“Lucifer,” You said softly. He didn’t respond and you touched his shoulder gently. It was then that you realized he had passed out. Wonderful, you thought. This is going to be so much harder now.

Luckily you still had some strength in you and you were able to lift the heavy archangel off the floor and get him onto the cot. Your back was on fire when you were done, but Lucifer was at least off the dirty floor now. His shirt was ripped to shreds and through it you could see the deep, oozing wounds. Crowley started with the nine tails then, you thought bitterly. You had scars yourself from the bite of that whip.

Gently, you pulled the shirt off the archangel and ripped it into strips. You were filling the sink with warm water when he groaned.

“Don’t move,” You ordered.

A crazy laughter bubbled out of him, which promptly turned into more gasps of pain. “Couldn’t if I wanted to.” He said in a stuttering voice.

You laid the strips down on a clean shirt so they wouldn’t get dirty, then looked around and pulled a brick out of the wall. Behind it was a small jar of a waxy substance.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you.” You said, putting the stone back and carrying the jar over. “This might hurt a bit,” You warned him, dipping your fingers into it.

“What is it?”

“Just a healing lotion. It works great. But I’m going to have to touch your back with it and its going to hurt like hell.”

“I’ve had worse,” He said. He grunted when you first touched his bare back, but was silent as you spread the lotion over his shredded skin. You tried to be gentle, but you knew it was hurting him badly because you could feel the tenseness in his body. Once you were finished, you carefully laid the wet strips of shirt across his back until it was almost covered. His breathing had evened out as you worked and you found him studying your face every time you looked down at him. It was unnerving, but you figured he didn’t understand normal human socialization rules. Or maybe he did, and just didn’t care.

“All done.” You said after laying the last strip down on the small of his back. You returned the jar of lotion to its hiding spot and then sat in front of Lucifer. “We’ll have to leave it on for a while, but it should feel much better once it comes off. I’ll check it when I get back.”

“Get back from where?” He asked hoarsely. You looked away from him and he said, “Oh.”

You took a deep breath. “Just get some rest.”

That day you were waterboarded, stuck with large needles, and had all the fingernails on your left hand pulled off.

Lucifer was still laying on the cot when you were shoved back into the cell. You stumbled, but didn’t fall. You quickly grabbed a shirt from the clean pile and wrapped your bloody left hand up. Then you went over to Lucifer and knelt beside the bed.

“Ready?” You rasped, your voice eroded from a long day of screaming.

He nodded, an unreadable expression on his face. You lifted a shaking hand and unpeeled the cloth from his back. The skin was raw, puckered, and swollen, but it looked a bit better. You hoped.

“Looks okay. Now it has to air.” You said, peeling off all the strips. Once you had bundled everything into a ball and set it aside, you set to work on your own wounds. Your left hand was by far the worst. Once you were finished, you turned away from him and sat, leaning your back on the metal bed frame, the burns on your back throbbing, the knife wounds on your stomach aching. And you thought wistfully of your brothers. They were probably so worried. You had been gone without a trace for almost a year now and they still hadn’t found you. You could only hope that they were close to solving the mystery of your disappearance.

“Why did you do it?” Lucifer’s voice cut into your thoughts.

“Do what?”

A pause. Then: “Help me. Why did you help me?”

Now it was your turn to pause. “A multitude of reasons.”

“Like what”

“Like I don’t like seeing someone in pain. Like I know that those wounds are worse if not treated correctly. Like it was the right thing to do.” There was a long pause, so you turned towards him and asked the question that had been burning you up. “Why can’t you heal yourself?”

“Crowley won’t let me.” He answered immediately. The quickness of his response took you off-guard. You hadn’t really expected him to answer that question, at least not so readily.

“Did he take your Grace?” You asked.

“No. He trapped me in this vessel, which he remade with runes. He can have total control over me whenever he wants.”

“Whoa.” You breathed. “That’s not good.”

He grinned weakly. “No, it’s not.”

You propped your elbow up on the bed and rested your chin on your wrapped up hand.

“What happened to that?” Lucifer asked, nodding at the hand.

“Let’s just say I won’t be having any manicures for a while.”

He grimaced. “Ouch.”

“Yeah.” You said. “Yeah.”

“Where did you get that stuff you put on me? From the jar?”

“I have my ways.” You said, not wanting to give up your secrets. You didn’t want the one helping you to be outed accidentally.

That was the last word between the two of you for a few hours. Lucifer was snoring loudly when you decided to check his back again. It was scabbing over and looked incredibly painful. You endured five whippings since your capture but your back had never looked as bad as the archangel’s. He really must have pissed Crowley off. You didn’t think he was going to be able to get off the cot for at least a day, maybe longer. And you knew that Crowley would most likely come again for him in the morning.

Crowley did come again for Lucifer in the morning. And the morning after that, and the one after that, until they all started to blend together. And you were taken every afternoon, as usual. It was strange though. Your own torments were cruel, but the ones Lucifer endured were on a whole other level. Every morning they tossed his bloodied, battered body back into the cell and every morning you picked him up off the ground, cleaned his wounds, and bandaged him up. And it was either the nineteenth or the twentieth day after Lucifer first arrived that he began to return the favor in the afternoons, if he was able.

You remembered the first time he had done it well because it had shocked you. Crowley had been particularly cruel that day. You had cuts all along your face, your nose was broken, and he had taken to branding your back again. It seemed to be a favorite of his. They tossed you back in the cell, where Lucifer lay recovering from that morning where they had just beat him senseless, and you crawled over to the sink, intending to start cleaning up. The next thing you knew, Lucifer had you in his cool arms and was placing you gently on the cot. You were so shocked that you couldn’t speak. You could only watch as Lucifer carefully cleaned your wounds. His cool hands felt heavenly though the cloth was rough and you moaned slightly at the relief they gave you.

“Don’t make it weird, Winchester.” Lucifer said gruffly.

“Sorry,” You said with a smile.

Once he had finished, you sat up and faced him. “Let me see yours,” You demanded.

Lucifer painfully pulled up his shirt and you examined the word that had been carved into the soft flesh of his stomach. ‘Dog’, the word read. You touched it to see if it was warm and heard him inhale sharply.

“Sorry,” You said. “Just checking for infection.”

“I’m fine,” He muttered, dropping his shirt.

“Okay. Thank you.”

He looked down querulously at you. “Thank you for what?”

“For cleaning me up.”

He shrugged. “You do it for me.”

“Yeah, well…thank you.”

“Don’t tell anyone about it.” He said. “I can’t have people thinking I’m losing my touch.”

“Oh, I’m telling everyone.” You said, grinning. He grinned back and you suddenly realized that you were making friends with the Devil. And it honestly didn’t feel so bad. You didn’t know that the friendship would hold up outside of the cell (you figured it probably wouldn’t), but after almost a year of being alone, it was kind of…nice…to have someone to talk to.

And things went on the way for a while, until they took Lucifer and he didn’t come back for two weeks. It was the roughest two weeks of your life. You were tormented every day and had to go back to cleaning yourself up again. It was hard, grueling, and you didn’t know if you were ever going to see the Devil again. You didn’t know what had happened to him. You figured Crowley wouldn’t kill him, but you were worried about him. And worried about yourself because you were worried about him.

He was back quite suddenly. When you went to sleep that night he wasn’t there and when you woke up, he was. You had been badly tormented the day before and so didn’t have the energy to sit up, much less stand. He was sitting across the cell from you, staring.

“Hey,” You said, your voice barely above a whisper. He didn’t answer. He didn’t even move. You tried again. “Where you been?”

He had a strange look in his eyes and you realized how vulnerable he looked. With enormous effort, you got to your feet and went to kneel in front of him. He stared right through you and you wondered for a moment if the once proud archangel had finally broken.

“What happened?” You asked softly.

He inhaled, then roughly shoved you away from him. You landed on your back a few feet away from him, your body screaming in pain.

“Stay away from me.” He said coldly.

You were gasping for air on the floor, but you heard him. What the hell? You thought fiercely. You were angry, that was for sure. You had helped this dick pretty much the whole time he had been imprisoned with you and this was how he was going to act?

You crawled back over to the bed and hoisted yourself back up. The pain was intense and the anger even more so, but underneath it all you were surprised to find that you had been hurt not only physically but emotionally. You had grown close-ish to Lucifer and his rejection of you hurt. You rolled away from him and faced the wall all night.

The next morning you were surprised when the demons came for not only Lucifer, but you as well. They marched you down the long hallway side by side. The torture chamber was much the same and they strapped you the table as they usually did. Crowley appeared, as usual. But what was odd was that they didn’t strap Lucifer down on the other table. He stood sullenly off to the side, his eyes dull. Crowley stepped up next to you.

“Hello darling.” He said. “We’re going to have so much fun today.”

He whirled away before you could spit at him and strode over towards the table full of torture instruments next to the archangel. You watched as the King selected a blowtorch off the stand and turned back towards you. Smiling, he handed the torch to Lucifer.

“Burn her.” He commanded.

Lucifer looked as though he had been slapped. “What?”

“Burn her,” Crowley repeated. “Go on, I’ll tell you when to stop.”

Lucifer looked down at the blowtorch in his hand and then over to you. You could see the pain in his eyes. He looked back towards Crowley.

“No.”

Crowley’s head jerked around. “No?” He snapped his fingers and Lucifer cried out, dropping the torch and falling to his knees. “Listen, dog! When I tell you to do something, you better do it!”

He snapped again and Lucifer screamed in agony. “Now, you will burn her!”

“No,” Lucifer grunted. Crowley snapped and Lucifer dropped to the floor completely in the fetal position. His bellows echoed through the room. Crowley punched him and his head bounced off the concrete floor.

“Are you going to do as I say?”

Lucifer spat out a wad of blood. “No.”

Crowley growled and his fists flew. Lucifer was fading in and out of consciousness when he was finished. The King picked the torch up off the ground, straightened his tie, clicked it on, then stepped towards you.

When the bottoms of your feet were blackened and blistered, he had Lucifer strapped face down on the other table. Lucifer’s head was turned towards you and you could see that his eyes were horribly swollen. You were in so much pain that you didn’t even realize what Crowley was doing at first. He seemed to be picking at something in the air, stretching it out, like the wing of a bird or something. Oh my God, his wings, you had time to think before Crowley went to work on those with the blowtorch.

Lucifer shrieked and struggled against the restraints but there was no escape. You had never heard those sounds come out of him before. They were animalistic and horrible. He thrashed, but Crowley only had his demons hold the invisible wing down. You wanted to look away, to run away, to do anything besides lay there, but there was no escape for you either.

When they threw the two of you back in the cell, you both laid on the floor for several long moments. Finally you sat up and looked over to the archangel. You were surprised to see tears streaming out of his eyes. You crawled over to him, knowing you wouldn’t be walking for quite a while.

“You gotta let me see them,” You said.

“No,” He said, his voice steady.

“Lucifer, you gotta let me take a look at your wings. I know you angels have a thing about letting humans see them, but from the sounds you were making, they really need some help healing.”

“Touching an angel’s wings is incredibly intimate.” He said. “No one besides me has ever touched mine.”

“I’ll be gentle.” You promised.

He clenched his jaw, but didn’t resist as you pulled him up into a seated position. You walked around behind him and touched him gently on the shoulder.

“Spread ‘em, Feathers.” You said. They were joking words, but your tone was soft rather than jovial.

Lucifer sighed, bowed his head, tugged off his shirt, and did as you bade. 

They were even more magnificent than you could have ever imagined. So white they almost glowed and fluffier than the fluffiest pillow. You ran your hand through the beautiful feathers that were closest to his neck. It was like running your hand through a cloud and for a moment you forgot about where you were and what you were supposed to be doing. There was only you and the gorgeous sight before you.

Lucifer made a low sound that could have been a moan, then cleared his throat. 

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You asked, snapping out of your trance.

“Intimate. Remember?”

“Oh.” Then you understood what he meant by that. “Oh. Oh my God. I’m sorry!”

He gave you a weak smile. “Just try to be fast.”

You nodded and looked to your left. The mangled, bloodied, blacked spots on his wings stuck out like a sore thumb. You brushed your hands over the spot closest to you and felt him shudder. Quickly, silently, you plucked the mangled feathers away from the spot and marveled at how soft the skin was underneath. 

You did the same with the other spots you could see, then had Lucifer wet some shirts since you couldn’t walk. He sat back in front of you and spread his wings again. You cleaned his wounds as best you could and you couldn’t refrain yourself from running your hands again through his healthy feathers, loving the way they felt.

Lucifer inhaled sharply and you felt him tense. “Y/N.” He breathed.

“Sorry.” You said. “Couldn’t help it. They’re…amazing. And I’ll probably never get to touch them again.”

“What makes you say that?” He asked in a low voice.

You sighed and sat back. “I’m not getting out of here alive. I’ve known that for a while now. But hey, at least I can now say that I’ve touched an angel’s wings.”

He was silent for a moment. “What makes you think you aren’t getting out of this alive?”

You gave a dry laugh. “I’ve been enduring this torment day in and day out for a year now. It’s coming. My breaking point. It’ll be soon and then Crowley will kill me and it’ll all be over. Finally. You know, there are days where I wish for the end to come, and know that I could help it along. But then I think about my brothers, and everyone else I’d be letting down, and it helps me hold out a little longer. I mean Dean held out for over 40 years right? And I can’t even last a year? Pathetic.”

“You are not pathetic.” Lucifer said quietly.

“Yeah, anyways,” You said, looking away. “Let’s change the subject.”

His wings fluttered lazily and you had to resist the urge to reach out and touch them again. “What information does Crowley want from you?” He asked.

You hesitated, the memory of Lucifer shoving you away from him surfacing suddenly. He looked back over his shoulder at you and saw the expression on your face. “Fine, don’t tell me.”

“I don’t want the information getting to Crowley,” You explained. “How do I know you won’t sell me out to save your own skin?”

The wings disappeared instantly. “Typical Winchester.” He muttered, pulling his shirt back on.

“Hey, I’m not the one who disappeared for two weeks then physically attacked my cellmate. That was you.”

He stood up and crossed the room to go sit on the cot. “I have my reasons for that.”

“Yeah well, the point is that I can’t trust you.”

“Right. I forgot how trustworthy you were. Obviously you must be a  master at spotting it in others.”

You crawled over to the bed, still unable to stand, and laid down on the floor looking up at him. “I’m not trying to be mean here, Lucifer. I’m trying to preserve my life. I would think that you would understand this.”

He stared down at you with an unreadable expression. “Yeah. I understand perfectly.”