str8 people try so hard to keep on assuming everyone around them is as str8 as them like. for a quick writing thing in English the teacher wanted to know “what u looked for romantically in the opposite sex” which was bullshit phrasing to begin with and I was annoyed so I put “I dont” cause I wasn’t in the mood to play along

and the guy next to me was like “so u don’t have any standards???????!?!??” and I was like. “I don’t look for anything in the opposite sex” and he was like “yeah I heard u, your saying u don’t have any standards” and I was like

“I don’t look for anything in the opposite sex

he STILL doesn’t get it. everyone else at my table is also confused. the teacher thinks I was making a joke about not dating anyone.

?????????????????????????

6

“My favourite music is Justin Bieber !”

i’m so sick of writing about my heart as if it’s this beaten up, bloody thing. i’m so sick of it being something i’m ashamed to look at. i’m so sick of throwing it against the pavement, breaking it open for everyone to see, opening up my wounds for entertainment. i’m sick of my pain being an art museum of broken things. i’m sick of the only thing people knowing about me is how much i bleed.

because the truth is this: my heart, it’s still beating. and that’s beautiful, no matter what even my own self tries to tell me. isn’t it amazing how your heart keeps beating through every bruise? isn’t it amazing how no matter how much somebody takes from you, you still have more to give? isn’t it amazing? tell me it isn’t. tell me you think something else means more than the fact that i’m still living. the fact that if you’re reading this, you’re still living too, despite everything.

so no more sad poems. no more opening up old wounds. no more staring contests with the things that broke me. no more dwelling on every crack when i am still a whole, complete person. i’m so sick of giving myself a disclaimer: a “i’m hard to love,” an “i’m crazy,” because the truth is i’ve been hurt, but i’m still pretty kind, and that is truly amazing.

—  i’m going to be happy if it kills me
3

“Sleep well, my friend
There will be another moment we’ll meet again
Just let it go
Sleep well, goodnight
You’re something to remember
I wish that you were here by my side”

- Everything’s an illusion / Mayday Parade

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