so does willie

Storytime

When we were like 18 or 19 (BABIES!), I made Jon watch A Walk To Remember. He’d never seen it. Pretty sure I had the movie on and credits already rolling when he came over, forcing him into the situation. I’m a sneaky b-hole like that.

So we’re watching the movie on my laptop - seriously watching it, not even making out or anything! - and we’re like 65 minutes in. We know Mandy Moore has leukemia, Shane West is sexy-crying to the Switchfoot, the whole darn thing, and Jon turns to me…

Totally sincere, without sarcasm. He looks puzzled.

“So when does Bruce Willis show up?”

I hit reach over, slowly, and hit pause.

“….What?”

To this day, we don’t know what movie he thought he was watching.

He doesn’t know. I don’t know. No one knows!!!! And believe me, I asked!

“What do you know about this movie?” 

“Is it the title?”

“Are you thinking of Armageddon?”

“Do you think there’s going to be a twist and she falls in love with Bruce Willis?!”

Imagine watching A Walk To Remember and WAITING, no, ANTICIPATING, an appearance from Bruce Willis. And like, I get his confusion. If you were operating under the assumption that Bruce Willis was going to be in A Walk To Remember, it would be super weird for him to show up after 75 minutes. Who would he even be at that point? A doctor?

And, as a big star, wouldn’t he have made it onto the DVD cover?

We’ve dissected this a thousand times and we’re no closer to the truth.

I don’t normally do shit like this but this pushed all my buttons.

The webcomic Dumbing of Age has recently been going through an arc where Becky, a recently out of the closet lesbian, is being hunted down by her overly religious father with a gun so that he can brainwash her back into being straight. Also her girlfriend is a dinosaur, but that’s not important.

What is important is that once the dad caught up to her, he managed to get her into the car by threatening suicide by cops, and because a majority of people don’t like seeing their parents turned into Swiss cheese, she agreed.

Sounds like a pretty exciting and depressing story so far right? Well things get a little…fucked up. Or more fucked up. See Amber, or Amazi-Girl, is a young woman with issues of her own, specifically she was emotionally and physically abused by her asshole father most of her life, so she goes around beating the shit out of thugs, rapists, cosplayers, ya’ know regular superhero shit. Only she’s obviously gone off the deep end recently as Sal, who I do not want to get into right now for reasons, is a girl who held up her friend and her with a knife many years ago.

So Amber, chasing after Becky and her dad, has since jumped onto the roof of a moving car, been thrown off and slammed into the windshield of another car, convinced THAT person to speed up so that she can catch up to them, jumped back on that car, used a rope to get better leverage on the car but also made it so Becky can’t get out of the passenger side, popped the tires on this still fast moving car with caltrops, caused it to go into the longest fucking drift humanely possible, and is now having a fight with Beckys dad on the roof.

Now as amazing as this all is, some of us felt that Amber was only making things worse, endangering the lives of nearly everyone because she refuses to stop and just call the police.

And as such we, or more specifically I, have been making this known in the comments section. 

So how does Willis respond? By deleting every single post I’ve ever made on the site. Ever.

What was the point of this post? To let people know that if you’re going to spend three years of your life reading a comic, make sure the artist is capable of taking criticism

Merry Akuna Matata

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so why does willy z have no accent when the rest of the zeppelis are mario brothers