so damn hard to choose quotes there are so many of them and they all are so good

Captain America 76th Anniversary Celebration Post

The very first Captain America comic has a release date of March 1941, so in order to celebrate the 76th Anniversary of our beloved Steven Grant Rogers, I have asked Tumblr users to submit their favorite Cap comic panels, art, quotes, pictures, meta, gifs, and/or write-ups on what Captain America means to them. And here is what Cap’s fans have to say… (please feel free to reblog and add your own favorite Steve Rogers moments, etc. to this post).

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Prompt List

Hello friends! In honor of me hitting 3k a couple of days ago, I’ve decided to do some drabbles! Below is a list of prompts that YOU can choose from! Once you’ve figured out what prompt/quote you want, come pop it in my ask!

The characters you can choose from are Bucky (40′s if you’d like), Lance, Seb (obvi), and Blaine (from Hot Tub Time Machine + I’ll try my very best!) (and maybe Jefferson, Chris Beck, TJ Hammond and Carter Baizen).

Oh! Also the “______” in some of the quotes are blanks meaning whichever character you choose, their name will go there. For example, if you choose #7 with Lance it would be: “Lance, no.” “Lance, YES.”

Alright, let’s get this show on the road!

1. “Please don’t leave me.”

2. “Grab my ass one more time and see what happens.”

3. “This is me. I am the eye of the storm and my heart is a little broken but if you want me, I’m yours.”

4. “You’re with him till the end of the line but what about me?”

5. “The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay Safe. Eat cake.”

6. “Y/N no.” + “Y/N yes.”

7. “______, no.” + “______, YES.”

8. “Are you eating again?”

9. “What are you doing?” + “Trying to use my telekinesis to bring the remote to me.”

10. “You dare insult me mortal?”

11. “What is life without a little risk?”

12. “I don’t think this was a good idea.” + “This was your idea.”

13. “I’m feeling as fresh as freshly baked toast.”

14. “The last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood.”

15. “Women are always stealing my shirts.”

16. “You’re a flawless piece of shit.”

17. “You’re a babe.”

18. “Do you still like me?” + “We’re married.”

19. “You run your heart like a hotel - you’ve always got people checking in and checking out.”

20. “We’re falling apart.” + “Because you’re not trying!”

21. “I like you, you squid!”

22. “It frustrates me how much I love you and you don’t know. But, I like being frustrated. I don’t mind being frustrated if it’s because of you.”

23. “I know there are pretty girls at this school but none of them are as beautiful as you, darlin’.”

24. “I’m straight up lovable.”

25. “I thought you loved me, not him.”

26. “You’re hot when you’re jealous.”

27. “You like riding things? Ride me.”

28. “I didn’t understand a word you just said. I don’t speak French.” + “I wasn’t speaking French.”

29. “I’m not supposed to laugh, right?”

30. “I’m so tired of being lonely.”

31. “Eat me.”

32. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

33. “Are you drunk?”

34. “You look just like my girlfriend!” + “Oh shit, you are my girlfriend.”

35. “You know I’m not gonna fall asleep until you make out with me.”

36. “My penis is bigger than yours.” + “You don’t have a penis.”

37. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re actually human.”

38. “Our relationship is canceled until further notice.”

39. “You’re so wrong.” + “So wrong, I’m right.”

40. “Who said you could be friends with my mom?” + “Your mom.”

41. “Why am I dating you.”

42. “This is pretty good.” + “That’s our baby’s food.”

43. “I’m forrealsies this time.” + “I can’t believe you just said forrealsies.”

44. “I know I say I love you but I love you.”

45. “Stop kissing me! You’re spreading your gross germs!”

46. “We really need to stop watching Criminal Minds at two in the morning.”

47. “I don’t get jealous.”

48. “Can I sit here?” + “You can sit on my face.”

49. “Why should I trust you?”

50. “Are you flirting with me?” + “Oh my god I’ve been flirting with you for the past two years.”

51. “You deserve better.”

52. “When were you gonna tell me that you’re pregnant?”

53. “If I had that face, I’d cry too.”

54. “So… about that blowjob.”

55. “How the hell did you end up in jail?” + “It’s a long story.”

56. “Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and go ‘wow, I’m so beautiful’ because same.”

57. “Calm down all I did was break his nose.”

58. “Why are you so clingy?”

59. “I just wanna.. touch.. your boobs.”

60. “Touch me.”

61. “Don’t fucking try me, I’ll whip my Harry Potter wand out on you.”

62. “I just really love you, okay?”

63. “You better not be friend-zoning me.”

64. “All I’m asking is for you to love me back, is that so hard?”

65. “Did you just squeeze my ass?” + “Yeah, it was really firm.”

66. “You look good enough to eat.”

67. “Why don’t you like me?”

68. “Oh my god you cheated, didn’t you?”

69. “No don’t go in there!” + “Why is there a puppy in the closet?”

70. “I’m feeling really attacked right now.”

71. “You’re a big ball of happiness mixed with cute things and sprinkles.”

72. “Marry me.”

73.  “So this is it? You’re just leaving?”

74. “So between me and James Franco, who would you choose?” + “Don’t ask that, you’ll only get hurt.”

75. “You’re so goddamn beautiful.”

76. “Squids have eyes and a mouth and we have eyes and a mouth. We’re basically squids.”

77. “I love you and it hurts that you don’t love me back.”

78. “I love you so damn much and it scares me, okay?”

79. “Y/N, I have something to tell you…. I’m pregnant.” + “You’re a man, _____”

80. “I’ve never kissed anyone.” + “This is a problem.”

81. “I don’t know why I like you so much and it frustrates the hell out of me.”

82. “You’re gorgeous and captivating. Like I said, I want you.”

83. “I know I say I don’t want a relationship but you make me want to have one… with you.”

84. “I know you’ve given me your all and too, too many chances but please… give me one more chance.”

85. “So do you wanna like.. date me and stuff?”

86. “We should bang - shit, I mean hang.”

87. “You look happy and it’s killing me.”

88. “Say it again.” + “I love you.”

89. “I can’t believe you cheated.” + “It was just Mariokart.”

90. “Why wear underwear when you could wear none.”

91. “I think we got married last night.”

92. “I won’t bite… hard.”

93. “Do I make you horny baby? Do I? Do I make you randy?” + “Okay one, you need to stop watching Austin Powers and two, I am completely turned off now.”

94. “Do you really love her ______?”

95. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

96. “Stop pushing me away and just let me love you!”

97. “Can I do your makeup?” + “Only if you make me look super hot.”

98. “Can we just cuddle until our bodies become one with the bed?”

99. “Oh my god ______ I’m so sorry I thought - I didn’t know you were doing… that.”

100. A quote of your choice.

Some of the quotes are from those of you who sent me one, others are from movies, I think tv shows, some just popped into my head and some are things my ex girlfriend told me :)

This Christmas (Part Two)

Summary: In which this Christmas takes a turn for the unexpected when Bucky asks you a favor.

Pairing: Reader x Bucky

Word Count: 1,318

A/N: This part is dedicated to my love @ourpeachskies as well as her sister.

“This Christmas” Masterlist

Originally posted by mrscreek

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

The chip you were in the process of chewing goes down the wrong pipe. All sense of calm flies out the window as you lurch forward and start coughing. You desperately hope that doing so will help the half eaten chip dislodge itself. You never pictured your demise happening like this.

“Y/N!” Bucky starts hitting your back, terror as clear as day in his voice.

“Water,” you manage to say, feeling your face grow warm. He passes you one of the water bottles from the table and unscrews the top so you don’t have to. The cool liquid eases the painful tickle at the back of your throat, allowing you to finally swallow the chip.

Bucky has the decency to look apologetic when he says, “Are you okay?”

“Your girlfriend?” Saying those words makes your throat hurt and your head spin. You must’ve misheard him. That’s the only option that makes sense here. “You’re kidding, right?”

Keep reading


Maud girl, I love you, but you’ll hate me for this ramble😅

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

Well, I’ll go with all of them. For OTP, my biggest are EdWin and Royai (from FMA), Karmanami from Assassination Classroom and NaLu from FT.
Friendships… I love GrayLu platonically and RoyxMaes is the best brotp😍 and of course I freaking loooove all friendships from Haikyuu and Akatsuki no Yona… And I love Zen and Mitsuhide’s relationship in Akagami no shirayuki-hime and Al and Ed are best bros and the freaking platinocial relationship between Handa and Naru gets me everytime and I should probably gp to the next ask before I ramble more than necessary.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Asano x Nakamura… I never even imagined them as a couple… Until I read a perfect fanfiction… And now I ship⛵️⛵️

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

I’ll be hated…. But EdxRoy (just no, okay?! Mustang’s like a dad to Ed!!) and Shirayuki x Obi because Zen😍😍 (I love their friendship tho)

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Yamaguchi x Yachi because I wnat Yams to be happy… But HinaYachi is love, HinaYachi is life!!

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

Not yet, but I joined FMABigBang so I’ll add Ed being an overprotective drama queen (or rather, king) dad, so stay tuned!

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

Hmm… Almost a year in the FT fanfom!!! Happy birthday, I guess?

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

I live for my OTPs! (Which just proved why I’m still single… I have my whole life aheeeaaaad~~) I think one of my first conscious OTPs (in that I knew what that was) was Harry x Hermione and it was shattered to pieces… Damn you, JK Rowling! (I still love you).

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

Hmm… Anime. Because it’s lively and you can actually picture the characters miving when reading a fanfic! I agree with manga too… And sometimes books. Movies feel just too real to be placed in cartoons, though.

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

No, but the haters were closed to it. Tho I did stop liking the small Usagi Drop fandom because of the manga spoilers that ruined my experience… To those who want to watch it, take my friendly advice, PLEASE don’t read the manga. The anime is the fluffiest thing, so please just watch that.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

Bnha, which is why I started reading it. And Voltron…. I’ll watch that soon, too.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Uhm… Well that’s a hard one. I absolutely love the subtle and endearing development in Oreki (hyouka) and Haruhi in Ouran, but my favourite has to go to Tsukki for how well-built it was!! Furudate-sensei, I bow im front of you. Also, honrable mention to Karma in Assassination Clasroom.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

I don’t especially love oikawa. I admire him a tone, and I have a lot of his quotes forever saved in my phone, and I think he’s the best setter of them all (I’m sorry, he has more experience and tehnique than Kags or Asaaahi, tho I agree that they’ll become better than him in one year’s time). So there: I aknowledge his amazingness altough he isn’t my fave.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Edward. I want to spend a full day with him and learn how alchemy works (and we’d complain together about how short we are).
Also, Haruhi: I feel like she’d give the best advice when I’d need it.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

My faveourite fandom is FMA: everyone gets love and attention, and there’s little to no hate. What I’d like for it is to make it alive again! I mean, there are events and the such, but the manga finished almost 10 years ago, guys! I hope the new live action will bring us back alive.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Hmm… Well On my Own by Ashes Remain was the first one that popped into my head and it kind of reminds me pf Natsu. He’s that character that would always smile, but he’s always surpressing his feeling (‘I’ve been stuck in a cage with my doubt/I tried forever getting out on my own’)

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Random AU…? Honestly, I’m not the biggest AU fan, but if I had to, I’d choose 'we’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for two hours and we’re bored, let’s play cards; hey wait Gray, you’re cheeting; no way I’m not!; mira, doing cutesy things won’t help you win… Laxus don’t give in!!; if Laxus is allied with Mira so is the thunder legion! Then I’m starting one on my own! Erza, I’ll join… Great, now we have Wendy on Erza’s side… All dragon slayers together! And exceeds! Wait lucy, starting a female club isn’t gonna help ya!
…guys? That’s not how you play pocker!’ AU. Okay, I may like this one in particular. Maybe I’ll write it:)

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

I’ve abandoned the HP fandom. I still like the books, but I kinda grew out of it…? (And into anime😇)

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

Uhm… In which one? If I’m going with FT, my favourite friendship is GrayLu. In FMA, it’s a tie… I love Roy/Hughes brotp and Al/Ed brotp. In Haikyuu… Damn they’re too many to choose! But I’d say the Karasuno third years: they have such a tight-knit bond!! And in AssClass it would be Karma/Okuda (it’s canon in my mind but friendship in the manga). I just love how easygoing they are. Also, I love Karma/Nagisa in the second half.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Hmm… There are many. My fetish is seeing people sleep: I think you can tell alot about their inner selfes from the position they use when sleeping and from their habits, because they can’t control or put up a façade when it comes to that.
So my headcanon is that despite being loud and obnoxious, Natsu actually occupies less space than Lucy when sleeping: he takes a baby-posture, while she lashes all over the bed, sometimes punching him im sleep unintentionately. Natsu learnt to deal with it: he actually likes holding Lucy close to make sure she’s safe while sleeping. She doesn’t mind, especially not during winter.
Oh and they also cuddle with a cup of hot coffee in their hands during the morning. Just an after-thought~~

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

I do! I don’t care if you agree or not, but Karma can be sweet, okay? Like he can actually be a good boyfriend (tho maybe a bit possessive). He’s the best at telling what’s on Okuda’s mind and he always buys her toffee when she’s feeling down.
Oh and also, Riza is a very good mother, always putting her family first. Just letting you know.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

1)Karma-assassination classroom. He’s that one character that believes he’s the best, only to get proven that he can be wrong. What’s evenbegter is how he has room to develop and grow to be a better person… Plus, it seems I have a thing for evil goofballs.
2)This is a hard one, but Ed/Roy-Fullmetal Alchemist. I abso-freaking-lutely love all the characters in FMA, but these two attracted my attention. Ed because of how he thinks, how he wants to do good deeds in spite of his thorny exterior and how he miserably fails. I love the way he admits his failures and the way he deals with them can be childish (he’s 14, for God’s sake!) but he learns from them. Also, Roy because even though he went through Ishval, he still dreams of making the world a better place. I can respect a man who doesn’t step over the ethics just to achieve that dream and who always bends and avoides hurting others, while never giving up. Maybe it’s a dream, but I very much resonate with it.
3) Lucy from FT. She’s the one character in Fairy Tail that has enough of a backstory and is weak enough to evolve. Moreover, she’s not your typical girl: yes, she cares about how she looks, because she IS an woman, but she also cares about what’s on the inside. She cares about her friends more than anything and even without being the strongest mage, still puts herself in danger for them. I love her resolve and her cute side, too.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

Hmm… Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran Highschool Host Club. Haruhi is the type to do things on her own and she repells the help of others to do her thing, which I also tend to do. Also, she shoulders a lot of her worries by herself. Plus, she never judges people on appearance and doesn’t care about her own (being a girl, that’s rare and helps me relate all the more). I just love her😍 (and sometimes am compared to her by my friends).

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Whiny female protagonist. I’m not a feminist or anything, but I’ve had enough of that! Yes, we all want a prince charming, but we can carry ourselves, thank you very much.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Someone pursuing their dreams. Also, I love genre deconstructions (browny points if it’s comedic).

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Voltron and Yuri on Ice (I feel like I’ve watched this shows even though I haven’t).

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

Don’t tempt me, I will! ( I kinda have this whole post tho)
Okay so I’ll rant about FMA because I feel it doesn’t get all he love it deserves!!! (And because I refrained from fangirling on it up to now) And since we’re talking FMA, let’s talk Roy Mustang (you knew this would come).
Roy is just one of those very strong people that are actually just goofballs on the interior and need love. Seriously, let’s take a look at what this guy went through, ok? He’s an orphan, but he never complains and learnt to love his cousins (sisters) and aunt (mom). He was taught by a pretty crazy (very talented, but Hawkeye did have a screw loose for inscripting a tatoo on Riza’s back and you can’t convince me otherwise) alchemist, and yet he managed to become the next flame alchemy. Despite being told not to, he joined the military with a childish dream and even after learning of the harsh reality in the Ishval war, he still went on believing that he can make the country a better place.
Yet he’s not perfect: he can lose his temper when it comes to those he loves (Mustang being killed) and he doesn’t want any more people to die. He cheerisbes his team and wants to keep them all safe. He can be a cheapskate and also a bit of an annoying guy with Ed, and he can be obnoxious, yet funny as hell (tiny miniskirts!!!)
Above all, Mustang feels HUMAN! Yes, he puts up a great act, but it’s an *act*. He has a more sensitive side and you better not mess with it, or he’ll burn you to ashes.
This concludes the short version of my Roy Mustang appeciation post. Also, I have some headcanons about him being best dad (and his child being a daddy’s girl/boy because of it) and of being a pretty intimidating Führer.

This concludes my post. @bookstvseriesandanimes and @paperrabbit13 know what I’m talking about😅
And I tag @bookstvseriesandanimes @paperrabbit13 @shoujoinsights @candyforever123 @funnyshoujomoments and whoever else feels up to it:)

Rant/Review: Marvel’s Defenders’ Series --or-- Netflix Owns the Superhero Genre

Originally posted by marveldailys

As some of you well know, I am a big comic book fan. I will eat up any comic book movie that comes out (as long as it’s good.) Marvel is owning the cinematic universe with its recent thought provoking with politically fueled arguments with pros and cons on both sides that it becomes downright fascinating to analyze with Civil War, and an Oscar studded cast with breath-taking visuals coming out in November. DC, though having a few recent mess ups with Suicide Squad and Batman v Superman, shows promise movie wise with a new man (Scott Snyder, I believe?) now being the “Kevin Feige” of DC and has shown to put as much care and love into this cinematic universe as it deserves. TV wise, with the Flash, DC Legends of Tomorrow and Supergirl on the CW, they’re bringing their A-game by reminding everyone how fun DC comic properties can be. (You’ll notice I didn’t add Arrow to that list…there’s a reason for that that I won’t go into.)

But. That all being said.

I believe that all of those shows and movies are being shown up in every regard quality wise and just overall. By who? Noneother than the Marvel Netflix series, which are currently Daredevil, Jessica Jones and Luke Cage.

Every Marvel movie PALES in comparison to these shows, in my opinion. As does everything else in the superhero genre, both new and old (that’s right. I’m also including the dark knight trilogy in that.)

My reasoning for this is the fact that, at least for the moment, every show has been EXCELLENT and has pushed the comic book genre to greater heights and proven time and time again that the comic book genre isn’t just a silly thing for kids, but can be seen as legitimately artistic shows with depth, intrigue and multilayered characters all across the board.

The only three movies that I can say for sure also pushed the comic book genre farther as an art-form would be The Dark Knight, X-Men: Days of Future Past, and Captain America: Civil War (though arguments could be made for other films, and I probably wouldn’t object.) And even they didn’t push the boundaries as far as these three series currently have.

Allow me to explain. So far, among these series, I’ve noticed a pattern. That among these shows, there’s always a central theme that ties the whole series together in a nice little bow (though not always neat.) 

Originally posted by akamatthewmurdock

Daredevil has centered on justice. Morally, in the first season, we’re asked who exactly is in the right. Kingpin or Daredevil? Kingpin, though doing morally depraved things, is still doing so for the greater good. “This city has to die before it can be reborn” I believe is the phrase used by Wilson Fisk himself. So when Daredevil shows up to stop Kingpin, it becomes this question of IS he doing the city a favor or is he just going to return everything to the status quo and crime is still going to be as bad as it was before. And while in comic book movies, these themes aren’t anything new, it had never been explored at this great a depth. With every character who was on the screen getting humanized. And don’t even get me started on Wilson Fisk, who I’d argue is still one of the best Marvel villains I have ever seen portrayed on screen. Period.

Originally posted by jessicajones

In Jessica Jones, the theme was about control. “Men and control. It’s a disease” is roughly the quote that I’m reminded of. What I love about this series in particular (fun fact, this is not only my favorite out of the bunch, but one of my favorite shows ever made) is that asks so many really dark questions about control that most shows that are outside of the comic book genre haven’t been able to ask or handle in the mature way that Jessica Jones was able to. For example, the question of what exactly constitutes as rape—forced control, not wanting it, a bit of both?, the question of how do you regain control of yourself after a traumatic incident (or even if you can), if everyone is forced to do everything you say because they’re under your control, then is your life really any satisfying, etc., etc. All of which, topped with the fact that, just like Daredevil, every character is given enough screen time to flesh out their characters and, if not make them sympathetic, humanize them. There’s an interesting parallel one can make with the series (or, I guess, season) Jessica Jones and the Dark Knight film as the two do share a similar plot structure, but go about it in COMPLETELY different ways. Thanks to this series, Jessica Jones is currently my favorite Marvel character next to Spidey himself. Give Kristen Ritter all the praise for that performance. She earned it by how much nuance and care she put into playing that character. Also, props to David Tennant for making me want to piss myself twenty times over. I didn’t think that was possible from him, but he did it. Hot DAMN. 

Originally posted by daredevil

Daredevil Season 2 continued the theme of justice and upped it by adding TWO characters to question Daredevil’s sense of justice. The Punisher and Elektra. Both of whom believe that killing the scumbags of the world rather than just locking them away is MUCH more effective (and in Elektra’s opinion, more satisfying,) than Daredevil’s solutions. As well as the consequences for not killing criminals like Wilson Fisk. And though I find this to be the weakest out of all the current Marvel Netflix runs for one specific reason (the romance between Matt and Karen is incredibly forced with a serious lack of any chemistry next to tHE PERFECT SHIP. OF FRANK AND KAREN. HASHTAG KASTLE.), it still provides incredible character development which fleshes out the character relationships and flaws that every single character has while providing one of the best performances of any actor I’ve ever seen in a comic book role. Jon Bernthal as the Punisher. Give it up.

Originally posted by sextmen

And recently, Luke Cage has gotten the spotlight for its great social commentary, and predominantly African-American cast. And, yeah. It should get that praise. It’s excellent. After binging the entire series in one sitting, I can attest to the fact that everyone put their A-game into this, with stand-out performances of the show for me being Mahershala Ali as Cottonmouth, Mike Coulter as Luke Cage and Simone Missick as Misty Knight. The theme, I believe, for this series was hard to initially pin down, but I think at the end of the day it’s “You never know what someone’s capable of,” to quote from Mariah Dillard herself. And, again, while not an entirely new subject matter to be delved into when it comes to superhero movies or shows, it’s the amount of care and depth to which they explore it. While not only putting Luke Cage under the microscope, but EVERYONE. Cottonmouth, Diamondback, Mariah, Misty Knight, and even Claire Temple to an extent! It’s about the potential we have. To “shed ones skin”, to quote from Diamondback, and become something new. It just depends on whether or not that potential is for good or for evil.

While my brief, BRIEF descriptions of these shows can never do these shows enough justice (especially considering I’m trying to stay as far away from spoiler territory as I can), within four seasons and three shows, Marvel’s Netflix series have proven time and time again that if you want the fine dining equivalent for comic book adaptations—look no further. They school everyone with not only the amount of grit and realism used in the shows, but also the amount of depth used, fun had and fascinating questions that the shows pose per season and series. And if I were forced to choose between the Marvel Cinematic Universe movie wise and these Netflix series, I would choose the Netflix series any and every day of the week. They’re given more time to develop characters and can be as dark and tackle as many adult themes as they want, despite being under Disney’s banner.

My current rankings of the series thus far are:

1)      Jessica Jones

2)      Daredevil Season 1

3)      Luke Cage

4)      Daredevil Season 2

Actually, to be honest, it’s more of:

1a) Jessica Jones

1b) Daredevil Season 1

1c) Luke Cage

2) Daredevil Season 2

Because they’re all just THAT high in terms of quality. Beating each other by a HAIR.

So if you haven’t checked them out already—GET ON IT. Even if you think that the comic book genre is over-saturated, trust me. Just watch the Netflix series. They’re a breath of fresh air in the genre and will blow you away.

Considering the track record thus far, color me excited for Iron Fist. And I’ll bet, when that inevitable Defenders crossover happens, it’s going to outshine and out do anything and everything that Marvel or DC could scrape together movie wise. My body is ready.

Side note, if this makes me look like a Marvel Fanboy, I swear to god I’m not. I still like and love DC movies (until recently) and DC’s current TV lineup. It’s just that I think these are better than any other thing ANYONE is putting out. Including Marvel’s own movies. 

Edit post Iron Fist: …ok, well, 3 outta 4 ain’t bad…
Clubby Goes To Brooklyn

A friend and fellow comic found me on Facebook (an easy place to find people who often have to be in states where they don’t know anyone) and he was bummed out. He had just bombed hard.

There’s nothing worse than bombing for a comedian. It’s all the self doubt you constantly feel after choosing this insane profession concentrated into one series of excruciating moments you have to live through in real time. It’s a complete rejection of the sum total of your creative efforts by the very people you are trying to please. And the best part? Stand up performance has an effect where it feels like time slows down. You are making so many decisions in lightning fast intervals that it seems like minutes take five minutes. So you get to experience this rejection of your life’s work for twice as long as it took.

Whatever you’ve done in the past doesn’t matter when you’re bombing. Life is only the present moment. And in the present moment, you are terrible. That is why we have such dire names for the act of bombing. The most common in 2014 is “I ate it.” The “it” is kept vague, so the listener can imagine whatever would be most horrible to them. Sometimes you go for specificity. “I ate shit.” The Spinal Tap-esque “I ate a shit sandwich.” “I died” “I took a shit up there.” In the HBO special “Talking Funny”, Jerry Seinfeld talks about a set that “went right in the toilet.”

So when a comedian comes to you with a bombing story, your heart goes out to them. A little bit of you feels how awful they felt by osmosis, just hearing about it. Even comics who are deliberately edgy and provocative hate bombing. Sara Silverman may have material that part of America is bound to find offensive, but SHE thinks its funny, and feels bad when the audience she has presented it to disagrees. Anthony Jeselnick knows that half the tables may hate his dark jokes, but he wants the other half to love them, and when they don’t, he feels as bad as anyone does who just failed at the thing they have been working on their entire life. Even in horrible situations where you are almost bound to fail (and I disagree with Mr. Seinfeld when he says there are no bad audiences, of course there are) it sucks. I bombed hard in a corporate banquet hall in Canada. After-wards I could tell myself that the lights were on, the people were eating and didn’t know there would be a show, and I was in the center of a massive room with no stage, and it would all be true. But my mouth went dry and my armpits turned into lakes while it happened regardless.

“It’s worse,” my friend went on. “I bombed in an alt room. I always bomb in alt rooms and it’s fucking me up!” This is a real and consequential worry in today’s comedy world. As the great Moshe Kasher says, “your act has to be smart enough that you do well in an alt room, and strong enough that you do well in a club.”

My friend went on, “A lot of the people I started with ran the room and I just felt like a road hack asshole.”

If you are not a comedian or an aspiring comedian, those last few quotes may have been incomprehensible, at least the parts that weren’t about feeling like an asshole, to which anyone can relate. An “alt room” is the 2014 shortened jargon for a room that features “alternative comedy,” a 90’s term first coined for the comedy of Patton Oswalt, Janeane Garofolo, Blaine Capatch, and other like-minded comics who were going against the tired formulaic cable-television mode of the comics of the late 1980’s. And a “road hack” is a damning comedy insult describing comedians who take lowest common denominator unoriginal comedy to bars and comedy clubs outside of major cities.

He went on, “What do I have to change to do well in alt rooms?” It’s a question I get asked a lot. And rightly so.

In 2014 I did standup comedy at the Meltdown Show in the back of a comic book store on Sunset Boulevard, at Whiplash at the UCB improv theater in New York, at the Littlefield Theater and Canyon Gallery in Brooklyn, at the Hot Tub show in Los Angeles, the Hollywood Theater in Portland, and the Grawlix show at the Bug Theater in Denver. You cannot get more “alt” than these shows. I don’t say this to brag. There are at least 300 comedians who can all say the same thing. I mention it because in the same year I made most of my living in standard comedy clubs in places like Kokomo, Indiana, Winnipeg, Manitoba, and Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and I did essentially the same act I did in Brooklyn. Are there certain references I don’t bother with in the Midwest? Sure. I have a bit about hipsters that I don’t do outside of big cities, but only because the reference would be obscure enough to them to make the bit a waste of their time, just as I wouldn’t do in depth material about Los Angeles in Montreal. But are there pandery bits I would do in Indiana that I would hide from the city folk? No.

But man did there used to be. When I came up as a comedian, from about 1998-2002, there was a TON of stuff I wouldn’t do in a hip comedy room if I was given a court order. I let the whims of the front row of Best Western hotel bar crowds dictate what I did every night. If they liked it, it was in. Did it matter that I got in to standup because of the avant-garde comedy of Monty Python, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, The Christopher Guest movies, The Larry Sanders Show, and Mr. Show with Bob and David? No. It mattered that I didn’t want a day job, these were the gigs I got, and I didn’t want to lose them.

I was good at it too. I hit my punchlines about Atari graphics, being high, hand jobs, and how some song lyrics don’t make a lot of sense. I sold my embarrassing bumper stickers that said, “You’re a Gayrod.” The bit was about being called that as a kid, and wasn’t on its face homophobic, but even at 25 I was smart enough to know that might not be why they were buying it. And smart enough to feel guilty about it. But not courageous enough to cut the bit. I was following guys who cracked bullwhips, did nothing but shit on their marriages, and made more Lorena Bobbit, 4 hour erection, and Monica Lewinsky jokes than Steven King has stories about writers in danger in Maine. And they would KILL. I wanted to survive.

I wasn’t the only one who felt I had a hacky act. The one room in the city that could be called “alternative,” a pool hall showcase called the Elevated, didn’t book me for years. To my scene, I was a “road guy.”

The only thing that saved me was a room in Chicago called the Lyons Den. Much has been made of this legendary open mic, so instrumental in the careers of Pete Holmes, Kumail Nanjiani, Kyle Kinane, TJ Miller, and Hannibal Buress. But the comedy there, and in its predecessor, Mark Geary’s Red Lion, was smart. It was informed by a city perspective. I would perform there once a week (I may have made my living in Cracker Barrel country, but my apartment was in Wicker Park.) I always felt intimidated by the other comics’ inventive jokes and pressure to equal them. I could comfort myself that those jokes would die in Wassau, WI, but I knew they were doing what I wanted to be doing.

Pete Holmes described the environment of the Den as “our little version of the Shire. We were all happy Hobbits creating jokes for each other. Then we would go out on the road in the Midwest and it was like Mordor. You’d come back and just hope you didn’t get any Orc on you.” I had a ton of Orc on me. One of the big ones you meet at the end of “Fellowship.” When I came back to the Den every Monday, I felt nervous and intimidated by the burgeoning comedic voices around me. I would pare down my act, and leave out the “dumb” jokes. And what hurt more was knowing that my Chicago comedy peers had the same influences I did. I was pandering.

Eventually I found a way to make about five of the Den minutes work enough on the road, and to my good fortune, those minutes became the sets that would allow me to win the comedy portion of CBS’ “Star Search” in 2003. That got me to L.A.

But even in L.A. I was a club guy. That’s what I knew. The sensibility of the club with the two drink minimum, the brick wall, and the audience full of tourists and “regular folk.” That was the crowd I was attuned to, and that was the crowd I twisted myself into a pretzel to please. In L.A. I played the Laugh Factory. In New York, the Comic Strip. Fine clubs. Great clubs. But clubs. The exact scene and sensibility the alt comics were rebelling against. I was pretty successful in this style. You can watch my “Ramen Noodles” bit from the Laugh Factory to observe it. I put on a phony swagger. I make sure my topics are all general and universal. I write what I think they want to hear, not what I want to say. I am proud of the work I did in that period, but it doesn’t accurately reflect my comic tastes or my real self. I could walk the walk in the clubs, but it wasn’t really me. And the club crowds were always going to prefer the genuine article to a Bob and David fan tying himself in knots trying to be Dane Cook. And I was miserable.

My peers were mostly comic actors. Standup was secondary to them. A means to the end of being famous. People who were in it to express themselves, who’s main focus was the art of standup comedy itself, I didn’t know where they were. Except I knew how to find out. Two of my friends from the Den days, the last time the “alt comic” side of myself felt supported, Matt Braunger and Kyle Kinane, moved to Los Angeles. The others, Pete, TJ, Hannibal, Kumail, moved to New York City, and they wouldn’t re enter my life for a few more years. Kyle and Matt hated the idea of getting “orc” all over themselves. Being a road hack was a fate worse than death to them. And they were willing to keep their day jobs to make sure it never happened. They toiled away closed captioning TV shows in the day time, and went out to the L.A. alt rooms at night. They made none of the money I did from standup, but were honing an act that was true to their own vision and no one else’s. I told Matt about my predicament in 2005. “Come to the UCB Christmas Party,” he said. I did, and it was the single best decision I made since becoming a standup. I am now performing only material I am proud of, and have a group of brilliant minds I get to create with all over the United States, and audiences who will follow me where ever I choose to go, and an act that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to share with the men and women who made me a comedy fan in the first place. An act I can go back in to the mainstream clubs with, and make that same front row in Wisconsin laugh without pandering to them with hack bullshit.

So when someone says “I’m a club guy. How do you do alt rooms?” I think I’m someone you can listen to on the subject.

First of all, I think there is a false reading of the definition of “Alternative Comedy.” It’s partly just because the name is dumb. Alternative comedy? “The alternative to comedy is drama,” said Ali LeRoi to the guffaws of the club guys at the 2000 Chicago Comedy Fest.

There is a disdain between the two camps that an outsider to the world of comedians may not know about. Club comics feel like “alt” comics could only survive in their womb-like atmospheres where they are pampered by too polite crowds. The genius club comic (who I might add does extremely well in alt rooms) Bill Burr had a famous rant on just this topic. They could never kill a club at midnight and are therefore not as good as a club comic, who has chops to survive hostile crowds. This is the same argument the Catskills comics of the late 50’s and early 60’s had about Lenny Bruce, Woody Allen, and the other East Village comics, who were the first to write personal material. “They only kill among college nerds. Put ‘em in Atlantic City and they’d eat a dick.” I will concede this point. I have done alt material in A.C. And sometimes dick is on my menu. The other knock on it is that if it’s so “Alternative” why isn’t it more left of center?

“I’ve seen alternative comedians,” says a typical complaint. “They’re not weird. It’s just jokes. What’s so alternative about it? There’s weirder stuff in a club.” They are missing the point. The name comes from the 90’s. Journalists ran with it because it seemed like a parallel to what was happening in music. 1980’s hair bands were out of date. The new bands were the answer to that cookie cutter mindset. They called themselves Alternative (or rather Spin and Rolling Stone called them that regardless of what Mr. Cobain and Mr. Vedder thought they were doing.) So, easy analogy. Kevin Meaney equals Journey. Patton Oswalt equals The Pixies. The Pixies are Alternative Rock. Hello, Alternative Comedy. As you can imagine, this is fucked. And this reading of the term leads to the confusion we face today.

The “alternative” in “Alternative Comedy” didn’t refer to the comedy at all. “It referred to the venue,” said Dana Gould, who is as wise and knowledgeable as a thousand rabbis, and one of the godfathers of the original 90’s alt scene. “Our shows were not at comedy clubs,” he told me. “They were at bars and restaurants and black box theaters and rock clubs, and anywhere they would let us put on a show.” They were alternative to the Comedy Store and the Improv, where the two drink minimum and the Zagat guide walk-in, and the standards of the Leno show, still dictated what was on the stage. When club comics approach the alt scene and don’t see the crazy out there performances they are expecting, some of it stems from this mistake. It is true that smashing watermelons and talking out of a puppet’s mouth are actually further from “regular” standup than most of what you would find at Whiplash, even though Gallagher and Dunham would never be called alternative. That’s because it’s not what’s on the stage that’s the biggest difference between club comedy and the alt scene. In fact, on a modern bill, there will be quite a bit of crossover between the two worlds, no matter what building you are in. Marc Maron famously starts his nights in L.A. at an alt room, and finishes them up in the Original Room of the Comedy Store, the blueprint of the modern club. It’s not who’s on stage who puts the alt in alt comedy. It’s who is in the seats.

Let’s go back to the East Village in the early 1960’s one more time. There’s an audience of college nerds and bohemian hipsters. They’re socially liberal. They like jazz and political folk music. They like smart comedy. They are watching all three in a small basement club in lower Manhattan. In between jazz acts they watch socially conscious and intellectually daring comedians who are writing personal material about their lives. As the Long Playing Record makes listening to entire performances at home possible for the first time, they make stars out of Richard Pryor and George Carlin, and the modern standup comedian (as opposed the the 1940’s Borshct Belt man making mother in law jokes that someone else wrote) is born. This left of center intellectual audience sticks with comedy through the boom in the 1980’s and they launch the careers of Steve Martin, Stephen Wright, Bill Hicks, and Emo Phillips. But then the intense sexism and homophobia of the 1980’s and early 1990’s turn them sour on stand up. Eddie Murphy yelling about “faggots” is the first blow. Then Sam Kinison screaming about “whores” and yelling at Africans for being poor, capped off by Andrew “Dice” Clay filling stadiums with comedy that was not only reactionary, but also stupid, proved that there was nothing left in standup for the hipsters and nerds and lefties and they pulled out. Good bye.

They were a huge part of the standup audience. Perhaps the most integral part. They were the people who made the entire thing possible, sitting there in the East Village and following Lenny Bruce as he traveled the American consciousness. Take them out and you get a crash, just as if you took whiskey drinkers out of country music. They were the people who loved this thing most, and they were gone.

They didn’t stop wanting to laugh, but the brick wall and the microphone represented a place where they weren’t welcome, and the ideas they heard coming out of that microphone were not worth buying two drinks to hear. So someone had to come along and make comedy for them. And they weren’t gonna do it in the clubs. So back to the theaters and bars and East Village music clubs it goes, as Patton and Janeane and Dana and Paul F. Tompkins and Maria Bamford replace the beatnik comics of the 1950’s.

It’s not the CHEESE of the 1980’s the alt comics rebelled against, it’s the REACTIONARY MATERIAL. The original fans of modern standup comedy had no use for the Rush Limbaugh Revival Meeting that their art form had devolved into, and neither did their 1990’s equivalents. It is no surprise to me that the message of Chris Rock’s “Bring the Pain,” and The Chappelle Show began the modern standup revival. Finally there was something that the people who loved the genre most wanted to hear again. It’s not Kevin Meaney equals Journey that was the problem. It’s Dice Equals Guns N’ Roses’ “One in a Million”

So that’s who’s in the seats at an alt show. The same people who were in the seats at the dawn of standup. Finally. Once again. After we drove them out, some smart comedians in the 1990’s found a way to welcome them back. The college nerds. The liberals. The bohemians. The people who got this shit off the ground. And they don’t want to see it ruined again. They don’t want to see Meltdown become The Chuckle Hut. When you perform for them, just remember the cardinal rule of comedy: entertain the people there in front of you. In an alt room, you are performing for an audience of discerning fans who love this stuff. “The treat comedy like its opera!” said a reverent Todd Glass about the Los Angeles alt scene. Are there some bandwagon jumpers? Sure. You couldn’t sell that many tickets a week to purists alone. But at the core of an alt show are smart, mostly lefty (although there are a fair amount of righty libertarian types too) people who don’t want to be talked down to. They don’t want to be told to “make some noise.” They aren’t gonna respond to “where my ladies at?” They aren’t going to appreciate jokes full of generalities. “All men are this,” “All women are that,” “Black people are this way,” isn’t going to work because they don’t see people as monolithic types that march in lockstep. Basically if a comedian is telling jokes that stem from the idea that beer commercials are right about the human genders, they will bomb in an alt room. Is there crappy comedy that makes alt crowds laugh that actually sucks? Yes! If I hear one more joke about whatever movie just came out and why it is bad, or one more 1990’s comic book reference without a joke behind it, I may knock myself out with my chair. But there is crappy stuff in every genre. Is there a lefty bias? Yeah. Will they entertain conservative ideas as long as you don’t insult them or put them down? Absolutely, as the Christian Southern club comic Nate Bargatze proves every night he goes up at Meltdown or UCB and destroys.

Is there a womb like mentality that makes it too easy to kill? I don’t know. A. I don’t see that as bad. I face enough hecklers on the road I am happy there is a shrine to comedy somewhere where they are not welcome. B. A reverent audience is a great thing. Aren’t you more excited to please the people who care the most about the thing you are doing? I’d be happy to have my music enjoyed at a state fair, but much happier to watch it go over at Carnegie Hall.

What was the joke my friend bombed with? It was about “Chick flicks being like porn for women, and crying at the Notebook being like jacking off.” None of the people in the seats see themselves as what Cosmo and Maxim put out as women and men, and this joke, even with the sexist language removed was not going to ring true in the 2014 equivalent of the East Village jazz club. It was the content of the comedy, not the form or structure, that doomed him.

Club comics unnecessarily fret that certain types of comedy are simply too mainstream for an alt room. Nonsense. One Liners work fine. Ask Anthony Jeselnick. Guitar Comedy? Garfunkel and Oates kill. Impressions? James Adomian does them to huge applause breaks. Magic? Talk to Meltdown favorite Justin Willman. There’s no genre that is inherently hacky if you find a way to present it that is your own. This is the widest and most narrow art form in the world. As long as the people in the seats do one specific thing over and over again, you can make them do it literally any way you want. It’s not the style of performance that will get a club comic in trouble in alt land. It’s the worldview of the comic they are concerned with. The opinions and the style of delivering those opinions is what will get you in trouble there.

Any comic can conquer an alt room. And countless club comics have. Jim Gaffigan, Bill Burr, Tom Wilson, Ian Edwards, Deon Cole, Dan Levy, Mo Mandel… I have seen all of them kill. As Kyle Kinane says, “you start out comedy behind a fence, whatever fence your scene was, urban, club, whatever, but eventually you grow enough to just step over it.”

In the end, the “new adjustment” that must be made in an alt room, is the oldest rule in comedy. Make the people in front of you laugh. It’s the same rule that got me in trouble pandering to Best Western audiences so long ago. But it’s a different group of people, who care much more about the thing I do for a living.

“Well then, aren’t you just pandering to that front row instead of the Best Western front row?” you might ask. No, because one of the things the front row at Meltdown doesn’t like, is pandering. And for the most part, they’re smart enough to see it. If you treat them as people you don’t already have figured out, as people who might not be like the “typical person” the media presents, you will do fine. Because these people aren’t the “typical person.” But in the end, is anyone? The only thing you won’t sell to an alt crowd is stupidity, lazy thinking, outright homophobia, racism, and sexism. That will fail there. But shouldn’t it fail everywhere?

anonymous asked:

Hi! Can you please repeat the reasons why you think that FitzSimmons is save (from dying)?, because I'm reaaally freaking out over the promo and all the people listing exactly why it's proof that Fitz's the one to die :( I keep repeating to myself that they would never get rid if FS just like that, 'cause they are the heart of the show and all that, but with them finally being together and having some sense of completion on that front I can't help but being very scared for them both :(

Hi Anon!

All right folks consider this my grand master post of why neither of Fitzsimmons will be the Fallen Agent.   Why they are safe.  I have notes in here from others on the Crazy Theory Train who were with me in making the Great and Powerful Timeline, @jessiecrimefighter and @blake-wyatt

I know everyone is worried and upset.  The promo team did its job and freaked everyone out.  So now I’ll do mine!   

Here we go!

  • They’ve been in the background for 3b - no real character arcs or closure for Jemma’s guilt or Fitz’s insecurities. Person who dies will have been heavily featured and story drawing to an end. 
  • Since they got together in 17/18 we’ve only had glimpses of their relationship - hasn’t really been explored, still a lot of stuff unresolved, lot of potential for new storylines next season.
  • FS are not just a ship, they’re a pair, a duo. The show’s marketing has treated them like the one character since the beginning. Iain and Elizabeth always do interviews and promotional stuff together. ‘Fitzsimmons’ is a character, an element of the show in its own right. Killing one of them off doesn’t make any sense - as you loose them both.
    • Look how fast Fitz got Jemma back in A.
  • The show has gotten a lot of mileage out of the FS relationship, a lot of popular and critical acclaim for the actors and the storylines. It doesn’t make sense for the show to spend three seasons building that up, then to just kill one of them off. It doesn’t just kill Fitz or Jemma, it kills Fitzsimmons.
  • The character who was left behind wouldn’t ever be able to move on or end up with anyone else without the fandom rioting!   There wont’ be a fandom left.  
    • I for one WILL stop watching if either one of them dies.  I’ve stuck with a lot of shows after loosing major characters but here, no. because it makes no sense and it would be for pure shock value, nothing more.  
  • There is also the fact that Jed and Mo created Fitzsimmons, that they are based a little on their relationship and they have said that they’re very proud of their popularity, that FS are very special to them.
  • Also, there is Elizabeth being too damn happy in that FB video, talking about filming her favorite scene of the season, Iain smiling when she mentioned it, and Iain saying it was a nice story.
  • the EW journalist who said she spoke to the person who dies, but she didn’t interview Iain!   That day she interviewed Ming, Clark, Liz, Luke, and Chloe.   She has also quoted all of those people in two recent articles, not Henry or Iain.
  • If the writers had known early on that Iain wanted to leave (or that they would write his character off) they wouldn’t have added yet another roadblock to the fs relationship (Will). 
    • Every critic pretty much said that they were only trying to delay the blossoming of this romance but why delay it if they only get ONE season (heck not even half a season with them together)  to delve into it and explore the new dynamic? (see how lincoln and daisy on the other hand hit it off right at the start) 
  • They’ve been teasing fitz’s death all season long, and at this point I think they wanted to build a believable red herring for the finale 
  • In the promo he’s been seen with the necklace. again, a little too on the nose for agents of shield.  
  • Okay getting long so under the thing we go….

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It’s been so loud in your head for what has felt like so many months. You’re not sure how you’re going to pay for college, your English teacher probably hates you, the boy you like…. honestly who knows, and you’re so weighted with so many thoughts all at once - thoughts that aren’t even thoughts, about things you can’t really think about, but they’re there and they’re loud. And it’s all been so loud for so long you forget what its like to have quiet. You haven’t slept in weeks, how could you? And it’s New Year’s Eve, maybe, and you pulled an all-nighter, and you cannot hear your friends anymore. Nothing can beat the volume in your head. So you get up. You get up, damn it. You get up and you fight for yourself for once. You don’t know why you get up, you have no idea, most likely. But you do, damn it. You get up, and it’s 6:30 in the morning and you say goodbye to your friends and you get your shoes on and you go.

You leave. You walk out the front door and you walk down the steps and you get into your car. And it’s so loud. It’s so loud and it’s 6:30 on the day after a midnight holiday and no one is on the road. And suddenly, it isn’t so loud anymore. You plug in your iPod and you press play. A song comes on that you’re maybe not crazy about. It’s not a bad song, not in the slightest. But you just stormed out of your friend’s house and got in your car on a whim and it’s not exactly what you pictured playing in the movie you’re no doubt rolling in your head. But you don’t skip it, because the roads are icy in the neighborhoods and you don’t want to end up on the news simply because the right song isn’t playing. So you listen. And you realize it is the right song. The singer, probably, is singing about being a drifter, about never being a fixed dot on the line of life. She’s singing to you, maybe, or to someone you once were. And your foot is on the pedal. And your singing. And, let’s be honest, you can’t sing. You sound akin to the gears underneath you propelling your car forward, forward to something maybe, a something that is becoming more and more concrete with every tick of the odometer. But you sing, damn it. You sing because you cannot possibly think of a reason not to. So you’re driving, feeling the steering wheel in your hands. And you turn the corner, onto a typically busy street, County Line maybe, and you see the mountains. You see them there, and if it wasn’t quite earlier, it sure the hell is quiet now. And a new song is playing now, a song you danced to in middle school, probably. And you’re singing still. You’re not thinking about the words. You’re not thinking about anything. Except, maybe you are. There’s a thought forming somewhere. It’s still not really anything yet. And you’re looking at the mountains, and the road is passing underneath undisturbed, and if it is disturbed its certainly not letting on to it. So you’re driving, and you’re staring, and suddenly you realize that you can be anything you want to be. It’s a New Year, isn’t it? And maybe it’s more than that. Maybe you’ll keep driving; it sure seems like a good idea. And maybe then you think of a book you read your Freshman year, The Bean Trees maybe, and you realize that you could start all over. Who could stop you? When the car runs out, turn around and look at the first thing you see. Whatever it is, is your new name. And so maybe your new name is Seesaw or Icicle or Sign. And who cares? Because not even a shitty name can stop you now. So you’ll drive and you’ll find yourself a perfectly shitty name, and you don’t know how you’ll make a living, but you know you’ll figure it out. I mean, your brain got you out of the house, right? And it got you in the car, yes? And it stopped thinking for a minute and found you quiet, didn’t it? So maybe you’ll figure it out. And maybe you’re starting to realize, and you wonder about your name and the road is passing underneath you and it’s quiet, that maybe planning is what got you and everybody else into this mess. Maybe this new you will forget the plan. Because maybe you realize that it isn’t worth it anymore, all this planning. Plan for this; prepare for that. That mentality hasn’t gotten you very far, so why not leave it under your car, on the road that is quiet, as you drive staring at the mountains?

Or maybe instead of a new life, a movie theater is waiting for you at the end of the road: a movie theater with a single film playing. And you walk up to it and you buy a ticket with all the money you have left in your wallet, which, in truth, probably isn’t very much, and you go in and you find a seat. And you watch the movie, yes, and you love it. In fact, you probably love it more than any movie you’ve ever seen. So you watch it, and it ends, and you don’t know what was so remarkable about it. There was nothing in it that was, you know, that great. But it was. It was wonderful. It was beyond description. And you get back in your car and you stare at yourself in the rear-view mirror and you sigh. You start driving again, and you realize you never found out the name of the movie. And as you live through the rest of your life, anytime someone asks you what your favorite movie is, you tell them you can’t remember the name of it. They laugh, usually, and make some smart-ass remark wondering how you could forget the title of your favorite movie. But you tell them you can’t forget something you never knew. So they ask you, probably, what it’s about, because they’ve probably seen a lot of movies and probably think they know them all. But they don’t, not this one. And you tell them, you try anyway, the basics of the plot, but you can’t remember. You can’t remember what it was about. But it had to be about something, didn’t it? Or maybe that’s what made it so great. But you remember, you remember when you’re crying alone at your house and you don’t know why. In fact, you remember so well that you can actually probably quote the entire movie from start to end. And the words comfort you.

Or maybe, as I likely expect, your home is the only thing waiting for you on the other side of the road, and no matter how hard you try to avoid it, and no matter how many minutes you waste on the side streets, you wind up pulling into your driveway and turning off your car and going inside your house and hanging up your keys and taking off your shoes. But you’re not really you anymore, not really. You’ve changed. You know things now, things about how life is ugly and people will leave you and gas is expensive. But you don’t care. Because you know the beautiful things – the mountains and the quiet and the road as it moves under your tires. You know those things are yours and yours alone. You know you can hold onto things. You can. You may not always remember that they are there, but they will be and you will quote along when you are all alone. But you know now, that you’re never alone, not really. You realize you’ve been waiting for someone to rescue you, for someone to look at you, for someone to reach right into your fucking pathetic life, and fix it. But you know that’s not going to happen. Not with all you know now. See, you’ve realized, among other things probably, that you are the best superhero to yourself you will ever meet. You cannot fix the world you live in, maybe. You cannot change your circumstance, most likely. But you can choose to get in the car and drive. And all will be quiet. And all the road will pass under you. And the mountains will still stand there. And you will be behind the wheel.

So you left their house, on New Year’s Day probably, and you didn’t know, maybe, that you were leaving your life behind. So when they come looking for you (and they will, most likely with police) you do not have to hide from them to be happy. You simply have to tell them that you do not live here anymore, that you let that person go a long time ago. And when they ask you where you left them, you tell them. You tell them, damn it, that you left it on the side of the road, the highway maybe, or your neighbor’s yard, but you left them the moment you got in the car. You drove away. You never looked back. Or maybe you did.

—  But You Drove, Damn It. 

Okay so, because CA CW was causing me so much stress and anxiety, I realized a good coping mechanisim to get through the movie would be to watch the movie at home (a shitty camrip version) and write down my thoughts as I was having them. I kept pausing the movie to take breathers so I took the time to write down a commentary of my thought process while I was watching. Therefore, I made some unorganized, raw, and unfiltered commentary of the movie. AND YOU CAN READ MY SHITTY COMMENTARY IF YOU LIKE!!! Anyways. MASSIVE CA: CW SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SERIOUSLY. THIS IS LITERALLY A REACTION TO THE WHOLE MOVIE. 

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