so apparently these are going around

okay i’m not going to publish all the asks i received but essentially the general consensus is that jake johnson seems to be the one not that excited about pursuing further seasons of new girl (which has coincidentally led to him and the rest of the cast having to do some damage control). andy samberg has always been super vocal about loving b99 - both the filming and the cast and crew - and hasn’t given any apparent sign of being uninterested in filming another season. 

as for the rumors going around fox re: b99 being cancelled, everything else i’ve seen so far has pointed toward a renewal. i have a good feeling and i have faith that renewal news is coming any day now.

anonymous asked:

Good morning! Thank you for all your wonderful stories. obsessed with everything. I think i saw a while ago you mentioned a new story on imagine. impatiently waiting! any word?

Thanks nonnie!

Well actually, I’ve since shifted away from that particular story (St. James’) . The more I worked on it, the more it became apparent that it was going to be really hard to keep the focus on j/c so I need to spend some more time playing around with it. There’s potential there, it was just going down a track that felt hard to reign back, so taking a break from it and letting it prove for a bit (GBBO anyone?).

BUT I’ve got just two more chapters of Hail Mary, and once that’s done, I’ve got a new project in the works centered on Claire’s role as healer extraordinaire of Fraser’s Ridge, so do keep an eye out for that in a few weeks!

Thanks for stopping by!

🍬Bonnie

I am instituting a new rule. If you ever make anything for/inspired by me, I definitely will want to see it. So given that tumblr shows a complete inability to consistently notify about tagged posts, please message me a link. Even if it’s:

[link*screams and runs away*

Because I always, always want to see it, you will not bother me, and apparently we’re going to just have to work around this hellsite.

Let’s hear it for lurkers

So apparently round umpty-zillion of “people are killing fandom by not commenting” is going around, and I’ve seen a few posts trashing people for lurking/viewing/reading instead of actively participating.

My journal and my fic has always been a lurker-friendly zone. I think lurkers are great and people can fight me on this. Here’s why:

We all started out as lurkers. Or at least most of us did. Come on. I’m sure some people out there must’ve jumped into fandom with both feet and started writing and commenting right away, and good for you if you did! But I sure didn’t. I lurked for YEARS. And even now, though I’ve been in fandom since before Y2K, whenever I get into a new fandom or a new social media platform, I still lurk. I hang out around the fringes for awhile to get a feeling for the place before starting to participate. Back in the mailing list/bulletin board days, it was usually recommended that people do that on purpose, watch and listen and learn the local lingo and social rules before diving in. So you know what? You are not doing anything wrong and you are not doing anything that most of the people you see out there commenting and creating and reccing things haven’t done themselves.

We all have lurker days, weeks, months …. Nobody is 100% “on” all the time. Participating in fandom (commenting, reccing, creating content, and so forth) is WORK. It may be fun work, but it still takes effort! Even if you’re sometimes very active in fandom, then you’ll have life fall on your head or the brain weasels flare up, and you won’t have the time and energy to give. Don’t feel guilty about not being able to give fandom your extra spoons. No one in fandom has a right to demand a single spoon from you that you don’t want to give.

Some of today’s lurkers may be your friends tomorrow. How do I know this? Because I’ve made friends with some of them myself! I’ve had people delurk in my comments to say hi after YEARS of reading my fanfic without saying a word. Which I am totally okay with, by the way. And some of these people are good friends today.

So, in conclusion:

  • It is okay to feel too shy to come out of lurkerhood in fandom until you feel more comfortable there. It is fine, in fact, if you never do.
  • It is okay to be too busy and have too few spoons to comment or create stuff. You still have a perfect right to be in fandom and read and reblog whatever you want.
  • It is okay if you meant to comment on that fic or go back and press the kudos button but never got around to it.
  • It is okay if you have too many accounts already and don’t want to create a new one just to comment/participate on a social media platform. 
  • It is okay if your personal situation (a stalker ex, controlling parents) makes it unsafe for you to create an account or comment on things.
  • It is okay if you can’t or don’t want to comment or do any of the other things that constitute non-lurkerhood, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why.
  • IT IS OKAY TO BE A LURKER.
The 7 Elements of a SCENE

There are few things as soul-crushing in the writing process (at least to me) than getting a bunch of characters in a room with the intention of something happening, then the characters proceed to stand around and stare at each other.  

Or worse, look at you like this. 

My characters didn’t know why they were there. I didn’t know why they were there either. I had no clue what they were supposed to be doing, so I’d start throwing random instructions at them: “Fight, characters! You guys should fight now! Maybe fighting will make this event have a purpose!” Which inevitably resulted in characters going through the motions of battle for no apparent reason, like they had all lost their minds.

What was the problem? I didn’t know how to write a scene. I didn’t know what a scene was. I had a vague definition that it was something about changing scenery, or just “something happening”.

It’s not. And once I learned what a scene was, my characters got to stop pummeling each other, while wishing they could pummel me. 

So what is a scene? 

The definition of a scene is kind of like the definition of a story. Story is change, a massive change in the life of your main character. A scene is change too, but much smaller, and part of that huge story change. You couldn’t have the BIG change without these tiny changes. Thus, a scene is not switching scenery. It’s not flipping to a new Character’s POV. It’s one segment of change, which triggers the next change, which triggers the next, which gradually build into sequences, which build into Acts, which build into story. 

So what goes into a scene? How does it work?

1. Alternating Charges

If a scene opens positive, it will turn negative by the end. If it opens negative, it will end positive. Simple. 

2. Character Goals

Everybody in a scene wants something. If they don’t want anything, they shouldn’t be in the scene. And these characters, with their often opposing goals, are going to employ different tactics on each other to get what they want. Which creates …

3. Escalating Conflict

Conflict is created when one character wants one thing and another wants something else, right? So the characters in the scene are each pushing for something different, each new tactic increasing in determination. And what are these actions called?  

4. Beats

The beats of a scene are exchanges of action and reaction. One character does something, another character reacts. All exchanges (beats) are pushing the scene onward, building tension and conflict, until finally …

5. Turns & Revelations

The scene turns. The positive has changed to negative. Something has been discovered. The story has spun in a new direction.

6. Connection to Story Objective

Every scene must be connected to the BIG goal of the story, the main character is taking small actions to reach that big goal. If it isn’t obviously connected to this big plot, it won’t make sense. Your reader won’t know why the heck they’re reading the scene. Which brings us to … 

7. Logic & Necessity  

Every scene must be necessary. It must be able to be linked with the previous scene. “Because that happened in the previous scene, THIS must happen in this scene.”

So! To see how that all works, let’s break down a scene from Tangled. (Because I used it in the last post to map out how a premise works, and my little writer heart can’t resist symmetry.)

Which scene? The one right after this happens: 

Opening Charge: Positive. She’s realized everything. 

Rapunzel’s Goal: Rise up against her mother – finally. 

Gothel’s Goal: Regain control.

Escalating Conflict: They’re fighting over who controls Rapunzel, and this battle causes them to go from “mother and daughter” to “enemies”. The conflict builds nicely in this scene, causing the story turn.

Connection to Story Objective: Throughout the movie, the big thing Rapunzel wants is freedom, she wants her life to begin, she wants to have a new dream. This is the moment she figures out how to do that; it’s not escaping the tower, it’s escaping Gothel’s control over her.

So! Here’s the scene.

Beat 1

“Rapunzel? Rapunzel, what’s going on up there?”

Ignores her. Still processing the tremendous implications of this revelation. 

Beat 2

“Are you alright?" 

"I’m the lost princess.” (Dumbfounded. Almost whispering it to herself.)


Beat 3

“Oh, please speak up Rapunzel! You know how I hate the mumbling.” (Bullying.)

“I am the lost princess! Aren’t I?” (Fighting back. She will not be bullied anymore.)

Beat 4

Gothel stares, stunned. She’s rendered temporarily speechless, because her secret’s been revealed finally, and her victim is actually fighting against her.


“Did I mumble, Mother? Or should I even call you that?” (Accusing. Drawing herself up taller. Looking down on Gothel and glaring. She’s seeing her clearly for the first time in her life.)

Beat 5

After a pause, thinking up a tactic. “Oh, Rapunzel, do you even hear yourself? How could you ask such a ridiculous question?” (Laughs. Ridicules. Attempts to make her feel childish, dumb, worthy of being mocked. Tactics which have always worked. She even begins to hug her.)


Rapunzel pushes her. “It was you! It was all you!” (Still accusing and angry, but pain is beginning to show. It’s almost like she’s giving her a chance to explain herself.)


Beat 6

“Everything I did was to protect you.” (And Gothel doesn’t say anything redeeming. She’s holier than thou, regal, bestowing kindness on an ungrateful, stupid child. Trying to control through guilt.)

Rapunzel rams her out of the way. 

Beat 7

“Rapunzel!” (Shouting. Now trying anger.)

“I’ve spent my entire life hiding from people who would use me for my power …” (Leaves her.)

Beat 8

"Rapunzel!” (Still trying the anger angle.)

“But I should have been hiding from you.” (Throwing the truth at her.)

Beat 9

“Where will you go? He won’t be there for you.” (She’s tried everything else. It’s time to attack her heart.)

“What did you do to him?” (Fear)

Beat 10

“That criminal is to be hanged for his crimes.” (She’s keeping up the disapproving mother act, but striking her right where it will hurt her most.)

“No.” (She’s stopped. Shrinking in on herself. Staring, horrified. And Gothel thinks she’s won.)

Beat 11

“Now, now.  It’s alright. Listen to me. All of this is as it should be.” She goes to pat Rapunzel’s head, a gesture symbolic of her superiority, her physical, mental, and emotional control over her victim.


Rapunzel grabs Gothel’s wrist. “No! You were wrong about the world. And you were wrong about me! And I will never let you use my hair again!" 

Beat 12

Gothel wrenches free, stumbling backwards in shock and anger, breaking the mirror in the process. 

Rapunzel walks away. She’s escaped Gothel emotionally now.

Beat 13

"You want me to be the bad guy? Fine. Now I’m the bad guy.” (Well, now emotional control is over. It’s time to start stabbing Rapunzel’s boyfriend.)

This action has no reaction, interestingly. It leaves us hanging, a cliffhanger created with only beats. 

Closing Charge: Negative. She’s now a full-fledged villain, the motherly persona shed, and she’s determined to get what she wants whatever the cost. 

Turn: It changed from positive to negative,  and now we’ve got a Flynn-stabbing witch to deal with.  

Revelation: She’s always been evil. She has always been the bad guy. The motherly act was just that, an act. 

Logic & Necessity: This scene fits with the previous scene, and the one that follows.     

Though I’ve seen these concepts in many books, the place I first learned about it (and the best resource for scene design in my opinion) is the book Story by Robert McKee. It’s helped me countless times, is one of my favorite books on storytelling, and I highly recommend it if you write anything.

I realize that these definitions were a little vague, so I’ll be explaining things more thoroughly in subsequent posts. 

2

Threw around some ideas with @nerdaday and gave our favorite gals some matching bezzie mate sweaters 😖

The possibility of Otayuri becoming canon

So in this post-Welcome to the Madness daze and with the information that has been released today, I would like to do some speculation about the character dynamic between Yurio and Otabek and the possible implications for this ship to become canon. I have already written a bit about this in a comment to another post here, but I would like to elaborate.

Again, this is just me throwing around ideas, with a good dose of wishful thinking.

-          Otabek enters the story quite late as a character. He is there from the beginning but we only get to see him interact with the others from episode 10 onwards. The focal point becomes what his relation is to Yuri. He whisks him away on his motorcycle, takes him to one of the most beautiful vistas in the city and then casually drops how he has admired him for the past five years. Then he offers Yuri his friendship, which has apparently never occurred in Yuri’s life before, they go for a coffee and Mari is stunned to see Yuri normally interact with another human being for a change. It’s up to you to ignore any fond gazes during this scene. What’s worth mentioning is that Yuri seems kind of perplexed by this whole thing. The “eyes of a soldier” line gets to him, because it is probably the first time someone sees him for who he wants to be.

Keep reading

one interesting story about the Mongol invasions of Europe is that during a siege in I think Hungary the local people got wind that some Mongols were Nestorian Christians so they decided they would try and appeal to their fellow co-religionists and they got the bones and relics of a saint and decided to parade them in front of the battle lines to basically say they didnt want to fight and they had the same religion but 1) Christianity in Mongolia didnt have a tradition of venerating the remains of saints and 2) no one tried explaining to the Mongols what was going on and as far as they could tell the Hungarians were just waving skeletons around and it was apparently interpreted as them arrogantly saying they were going to turn the Mongols into skeletons and it just made them angrier

When you think about it, it’s actually quite sad and scary how many people ship Karamel not seeing how unhealthy and toxic the relationship itself is. They perceive the relationship as something normal thinking that’s the exact way all relationships should work because “who cares the guy treats the girl like shit if he’s hot;” they literally aspire to have relationship just like that only because that’s exactly what they’ve seen/read being romanticized and glamorized for all those years in movies, books or TV shows. And that is exactly why representation matters. 

Many Karamel fans are feeling insulted when someone tells them their ship is unhealthy and instead of listening for once they just give us irrelevant arguments, top it off with “it’s just a ship, chill,” and block us. No, the reason why many people are pissed off at what has been happening to Supergirl ever since CW happened is not that we are “heterophobic” or “trying to ruin your fun with shipping,” it’s the fact that there are many young people watching the show, looking up mostly to Kara, and when they see a scene where Mon-El literally intentionally insults her in front of everyone because something didn’t go his way but she ends up with him at the end of the episode anyway because that’s what “she’s supposed to do,” no one’s gonna tell them “well, that’s actually bullshit; that’s not how relationships should work.” And to top this all off, after episode those young people go around Twitter or Tumblr and all they see is y’all calling Kara a bitch and swooning 😍😍😍 over Mon-El calling Kara selfish for no apparent reason because that was so cute, relationship goals 👌👌👌.

So maybe try to pull your heads out of your asses for once, see what’s right in front of you and just stop. Don’t glamorize something unhealthy only because you find Chris Wood hot or whatever other reason you have.

Honestly, most The Raven Cycle x The Foxhole Court fanfic don’t make any sense, writers try to suddenly make one of the raven boys play exy and that just doesn’t work. You know who could be a fox? MATTHEW LYNCH!!!!

-So ronan once said to Aurora that matthew was playing “lacrosse or some shit, something sweaty”.

- Matthew could be playing exy and ronan wouln’t know because they are kinda similar??

-Imagine 18 years old Matthew going to palmetto state in neil’s second year.

-No one understands how this ray of sunshine can be a Fox.

-They only know that he is a orphan and have two older brothers (and they are apparently really rich).

-Matthew is actually a millionaire??

-and he always goes to church with Renee.

-He and Matt are super friends and they practice boxing together.

-Matthew only tells them his father was murdered, and that his mother was beautiful and loving, but refuses to talk about her death.

-The foxes are shocked when they meet declan and ronan for the first time because they are so different from matthew, like, kinda wary and ronan seems a bit dangerous.

-The Lynch brothers are all really hot.

-The gangsey going to a game and meeting the foxes (they would be around the same age as kevin i think).

-The foxes meet Adam and are super surprised to find out he is Ronan’s boyfriend.

- Gansey and Kevin talking about history cause they both love it and no one else is willing to listen to them.

-Blue becomes friends with the girls.

-Everyone loves Matthew because he is so adorable and genuine. Even Aaron likes him.

-Matthew Lynch deserves more recognition, k.

KILLING STALKING CHAPTER 18

So many things in This chapter that reallllyyg intrigued me

1) Sangwoo is shown to still have his underwear on. He was not having sex with Ji-eun. Though he definitely put on the act about it. Was this all just theatricals to fool Bum? Or had he simply just not gotten around to taking them off yet? (Scratch this apparently they did still do the do, dammit)

2) THEM HOLDING HANDS THROUGH THE CLOSET

3) YOON BUM BITING SANGWOOS HAND

4) SANGWOO LIKING IT

5) MOST Importantly, Bum is just watching all this go down. He doesn’t break down. He doesn’t show fear of Sangwoo. He just watches Sangwoo drag Jieun down. And he even moves out of the way so Sangwoo can open the basement door. Like Yoon Bum definitely looked scared but he seemed to be an observer during the entire thing, and just watched it all unfold. Very interesting.

6) Sangwoo getting socked in the eye HA

7) Sangwoo has the aim of a champion

8) it was nice for Bum not to be the victim for once
Glitter Ball

I’ve been seeing some discussion in past few days about how unrealistic it is that Bitty doesn’t hang out with other queer kids at Samwell, which is a valid point, and it reminded me I had a fic languishing in my drafts folder that involved an expanded look at the LGBTQIA group on campus, so I figured maybe the time had come to post it. It’s more about Dex than Bitty, because I started it as a response to the “Dex is homophobic” discourse, so this is from a “Dex has never been straight, he just doesn’t think it’s any of your business” perspective.

(It’s the beginning of a longer fic called “I Abhor You/I Adore You” that’s kind of an exercise in filling in all the gaps between the Nurseydex tweets and fleshing out the non-hockey parts of Samwell, but who knows if I’ll ever finish it.)

~4.5k, pre-slash Nurseydex, mostly Dex POV, guest appearances by Bitty, Holster, and a few OCs from the LGBTQIA group. Location of the IT helpdesk across the hall from the resource center entirely stolen from my own tiny liberal arts school, “the little gay college in the middle of Iowa.”

Read it on AO3 (now with the second chapter as well).


First year, first semester

Dex got a job with the helpdesk almost as soon as he got to campus. This wasn’t exactly normal for an unknown, untested, untried, and undeclared first year student, but he had references from his high school job and there was a constant shortage of people who actually knew how to do anything with hardware. Which, of course, was the thing most of the professors actually needed help with. They weren’t actually receiving a lot of emergency Python coding calls; they needed someone who could “make the goddamn printer talk to the computer” without pissing anyone off by being too condescending.

He enjoyed it; compared to having to do the same thing in a retail environment, this was downright relaxing, and he at least had some confidence the people he was helping weren’t complete idiots. He could even leave behind a Post-It of step-by-step instructions of how to fix the problem themselves next time and have it be followed at least 50% of the time! Not to mention his work-study hours as a student athlete were actually capped and enforced so he wouldn’t work himself to death. So relaxing when compared to high school, when he’d had to juggle IT work, lobster fishing, hockey, and grades good enough to get some kind of scholarship.

Since he’d gotten to campus early to start pre-season practice with the hockey team, he’d been able to establish a work routine before adding in classes, which had been helpful. The CS classes at Samwell were certainly more demanding, but that was why he was here, wasn’t it? All in all, he was pretty satisfied with how things were shaping up. (Now if only his d-partner weren’t such an entitled brat…)

Once the other students got back to campus, it became clear the helpdesk office wasn’t the only thing housed in the weird little building at the edge of campus. He was just ending a shift when a girl stuck her head in the door. “Would it be possible to get some quick help from anybody? It’s just across the hall.”

“I can do it,” Dex said. “I was just about to leave anyway.”

“Thank you!” She led the way into what appeared to be an all-purpose meeting room. The door now had a handmade rainbow sign taped to it, proclaiming it the Stonewall Resource Center. “We’re having our first meeting of the year tonight, and of course the one person who remembers how to work the projector is on study abroad this semester.”

“No problem. You hooking it up to a laptop?”

“Yeah.”

Dex walked over to the AV podium at the front of the room and fished out the giant cluster of cables and dongles. “Hopefully one of these will work, but we have adapters in the office for just about anything. Bring it over.” A minute or so later, he had everything working.

“Thank you so much!”

“Sure. I mean, it’s my job anyway.”

“Do I need to file a ticket or something?”

“Eh, whatever.”

“Um, you’re welcome to stay for the meeting if you want…”

“What’s it for? I mean, I can guess, but your sign wasn’t even up when I came in at the beginning of my shift, so, you know.”

“Yeah, basically it’s just a beginning of the year informational meeting for students about LGBTQIA resources on campus and a way to get those of us who are returning students to get started organizing other events. So maybe not super interesting.”

“No, it sounds like good information to have. I’ll stick around.”

She smiled at him. “Great! I’m Sam.”

“Will. Or Dex. I answer to either.”

“Nice to meet you.”

***

“So do you think you’ll come back?” Sam asked after the meeting was over. Dex had stayed to help her turn off the projector and leave a sticky note with the steps written down. (He was thinking about getting a set custom-printed with “Helping You Help Yourself!” across the bottom, though he suspected his boss would find this too snarky.)

“Probably not. I mean, not to regular meetings or anything—you can totally ask me for help anytime! I’m just kind of… past the place where I need this kind of group? And I’ve got hockey practice and CS classes that are kind of the point of my being here, so they take priority, you know?”

“Sure thing.”

“But you know where to find me! Seriously, I’m always happy to help. It looks like a great group. But I know I can’t commit to anything.”

“Cool. I’ll see you around then, yeah? Oh, hey, if you have any time on Friday, you should come to the softball game. We’re gonna slay.”

Dex grinned and offered his fist for a bump of solidarity. “You’ll have to come to a hockey game once the season starts.”

“Definitely.”

Keep reading

A Lesson in Love (The Confrontation)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 3,036

A/N: The tag list for this story is officially CLOSED. Also, this one is for Matt, the most fabulous resident I know, and all the other amazing residents who might be reading this.

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist

@avengerstories - thank you for everything, always

Originally posted by sebjpeg

You sit in silence, nibbling on your bottom lip and tapping your foot against the carpeted floor. You’ve taken your fair share of difficult classes throughout the years, but nothing compares to the discomfort that comes with someone reading something that you’ve written. It’s as if all of your thoughts have been placed under a microscope, leaving every single imperfection out in the open for anyone to see. After taking this writing class, you have a newfound respect for all the authors who are willing to put their work out there.

“I must admit, I was a little apprehensive when you said that you were planning to scrap your initial idea and start afresh,” T’Challa says, carefully lowering your laptop onto the coffee table. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and propping his chin in his hand.

“And?”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Peter wakes up from the coma (previous than canon) & nobody is there too take him in or shows him the ropes of life (shopping, rent, job) so the Sheriff steps up. perhaps to dim his guilt about the fire or to have a diversion from the death of Claudia. So they can be found weekly at the supermarket getting lectured by Stiles about healthy food, which is not chocolate


Peter doesn’t want them told. It’s childish, perhaps, but Laura and Derek left him. And then it turns out that telling them isn’t an option anyway, since they didn’t leave a forwarding address. So they can go to hell. They can go to hell

“Peter,” John says. “Stop saying hell around my son.” 

Apparently Peter has been muttering to himself again. He sighs, and looks down at the Stilinski brat, who is staring back up at him with wide, hopeful eyes, perhaps in anticipation of the next rude word to fall from Peter’s still-scarred lips. 

Since being released from the hospital Peter has become John Stilinski’s pet project. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s such a pathetic charity case, or because the deputy needs the distraction. Peter’s lost his entire pack, one way or another, but John’s just buried his wife. So they’re both pathetic charity cases, probably. 

Peter narrows his eyes at Stiles, and Stiles narrows his back, and then “accidentally” hits Peter with the shopping cart. 

“Stiles!” John exclaims. “Careful!” 

“Whoops,” says Stiles, unconvincingly. 

Peter hates the little brat. (A lie. In actual fact, Stiles reminds him a little too much of Cora. He’s a little smartass. It makes his chest ache.)

And yet, he hasn’t told John and Stiles to go to hell. He let John help him find a modest apartment, and to apply for a job as a filing clerk at the police station (he’s almost certain he was the only applicant), and he lets John and Stiles come with him on these weekly outings to the supermarket, so John can make sure he’s looking after himself, and Stiles can lecture him on how Lucky Charms are not a healthy breakfast food. 

The first time it happened, Peter made some comment to John about how that was a strange stand for a kid his age to take, and John had cleared his throat and looked away. 

“Claudia used to watch what we ate.” 

Ah. 

Stiles is just a little boy trying to fill a too-big space that was left by his mother’s death. 

“Peter,” Stiles says now. “Have you tried quinoa?” 

“Stiles,” Peter tells him seriously. “Haven’t I already suffered enough in this lifetime?” 

For a moment there’s dead silence and the three of them stare at one another in astonishment. Did Peter really just say that? 

And then Stiles bursts into laughter, and tosses a box of Twizzlers into the shopping cart. 

Peter thinks that means he’s won. 

hockeystix  asked:

zimbits. “Less homicidal thoughts about your annoying coworker right now, please. I’m in a meeting over here.” pLEASE

Charlie asked for this about 30 years ago but I’m just getting around to it now. It’s prompt from this list. 


If he thinks I’m going to let a single tart anywhere near his ruinous Trump-sized hands he’s got another thing coming. Actually, no. He can have as many tarts as he wants. Kill ‘em with kindness, and arsenic worked into the whipped cream. I’d have to add more vanilla to balance it out but–

If Jack wasn’t in a sponsorship meeting, he would be inclined to promptly bash his head into the wood of the table. It had been like this for a few weeks ago, a voice filtering in at the most inopportune times, going on diatribes against who he was presuming was the voice’s coworker (”–even the way he counts out change is annoying. The Lord is testing me. We should’ve kept the antique register, it would have hurt more when I ‘accidentally’ shut the drawer on his fingers that he just licked to count out the bills. Yes, I would LOVE my spit covered change. THANK YOU.”)

Unfortunately, Jack thought it was unlikely that NIKE would appreciate their new brand ambassador actively giving himself a concussion, so he shot the representative across the table a smile and nodded to whatever was being said before reverting back inside his head.

As ambitious as your assassination attempt is, if you could keep it to yourself I would appreciate it.

There wasn’t even a moments pause before he got his reply.

Keep reading

“It’s February 14th, Neil!”

Nicky was exasperated. It was obvious by the way he looked out of breath even though he was just standing there being rather noisey.

Neil scrunched up his nose. As much as he loved Nicky, he wouldn’t mind hearing him less right now. 

“What’s your point, Nicky?” 

The thing with Nicky, however, was that when you requested a straight answer, you instead got a show. 

Act one of this show was apparently looking around at the rest of the foxes and proclaiming, “Can you believe this kid?!” 

Andrew was coming from his appointment with Bee so wasn’t at the locker rooms yet for practice. Neil found himself silently hoping he would get there faster to shut Nicky up.

Usually everybody would just let Nicky go on his rant, half ignoring him and half egging him on. But when Neil looked past him, he realized that all the Foxes were actually paying attention. Their eyes were focused on Neil with a combination of pity, confusion, and general annoyance. 

Nicky was making a huge fuss now, not actually getting to the point but rather going around it. “Of all the days to not know-”

But Matt cut him off. Which was odd, because Matt usually didn’t cut Nicky off. 

“Neil….do you really not know what today is?”

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anonymous asked:

The metric is just existing must be Harry's teams slogan for this entire solo marketing campaign. They are all just existing while everyone else is promoting and talking about his album.

Everyone in the world: Harry Styles’ debut album will be put out as part of his $80 million record deal with Columbia that apparently doesn’t cover the cost of putting him on the website or in their financial reports. This is an album that is almost done, that will be out around the Grammys, that will drop as a full album rather than as singles, that will be out after Liam’s, oh just kidding, there IS actually going to be a single, so the single will be dropping in late April or early May, just kidding again, it’ll be out on April 7th. It was recorded in a Jamaican recording studio and hopefully it isn’t white-man reggae. It will sound like a mix between Frank Ocean and Sting, no wait, 70s folk rock, no wait, David Bowie and Queen. It’s quality and it shows him off as a singer, it will blow the socks off the world, it will be the #1 album of the year, it’s incredible, and it’s FUCKING INSANE. I’ve heard it, my mom’s heard it, my neighbor’s sister’s dog’s mother’s owner’s father’s grandmother’s heard it, and I can’t wait for YOU to hear it.

Jeff Azoff: *crickets*

Irving Azoff: *crickets*

Dawbell: *crickets*

Harry Styles: What album?

This is going to take some explaining…

You see my friend there, the one with dark, brown hair? She got me pregnant.

Before a few months ago I’d never done anything sexual with her, but apparently she’d been planning something for a while, a secret she wanted to tell me.

Her name’s Joy-Lyn and the night she came over she wanted to sleep over. Of course I let her, she’s practically my sister. Anyway, she’d been hugging me all night, staying so close, which I like. At around nine I got up off the couch and told her I was going to take a shower, she just nodded and I headed down the hall.

I slipped out of my cloths and stepped into the shower just like any day, and just like any day, I left the door unlocked.

While I doused my hair in soap and warm water, Joy-lyn crept into my bathroom. I didn’t hear her slip into the shower behind me, and I didn’t know until I bent over to wash the back of my head.

I gasped as soon as I felt this warm, smooth thing push against my folds, pushing into me a little bit. I looked back to see her behind me, holding something in her hands, like a thick, peach coloured strap-on. I moaned softly- we’d never done anything like this before!

She laughed a little, leaning into me and sinking more of the toy into my passage. I had to put my hands against the wall to keep from toppling over as she slowly pumped it in and out, deeper and deeper.

The more she worked it in, the more I blushed a deep red, moaning for her, listening to her moan too. I wondered why she felt so good? Maybe she just thought it was that exciting?

Honestly though, I didn’t mind. It felt good, knowing it was her thrusting into me.

As she picked up speed, the warm, thick shaft of her toy sunk deeper into me, reaching for my deepest depths. It wasn’t until I started to feel the thing twitch and pulse inside me that my eyes went wide.

My head turned sharply, peering down her body, only to see a fleshy cock sprouting from between her legs, disappearing into my slit. She smiled ear to ear, moaning my name.

“There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while…” she moaned.

“Mmh, I have such a big crush on you~”

With that she slammed forward, more frantically than before, pounding against my ass. I couldn’t believe it! All this time she was a herm!

My head dropped, feeling her easily eight, or more, inch cock stretch me out. But she wasn’t all the way in, her hips hadn’t met mine- I groaned, pushing back against her, spurred on by her confession.

Had she always wanted to fuck me? To pound me, balls deep, with this fat, amazing cock? I didn’t know, but I could feel her hands, tight on my hips, helping to pull her deeper into my fertile body as she rutted me fast and hard.

Finally, with a loud moan our hips met, and I could swear her cock was pressing right against my cervix!

In the next, ecstasy-filled moment all I felt was how hard Joy-Lyn twitched inside me before she started to dump her load.

“Yes!” I heard her hiss as rope after thick, steaming rope was forced into my waiting womb. She was breeding me, just like she’d always wanted.

When she finally pulled out I was full. She gave me a hot kiss, then started to help me clean myself up…

Now Joy-Lyn comes over regularly to rub my belly, saying how excited she was to have her baby growing in me, and I can’t argue. It’s so amazing!

And she’s always so happy to pound me so deep~

‘The tavern where adventurers all meet to begin a quest’ - prompted by @neverwhere

I can confirm that is run by Fry Guy, but isn’t owned by him and he hates all the regulars.

Bitty works there as a cook. He knows how the magic in the tavern works and he’s always amazed to watch it.

(Basically it will put together an unlikely group of people for quests that seem impossible, he’s seen it happen a few times.)

Jack shows up like once a month, harassing Fry Guy about all the available lone jobs *not* posted yet on the boards, then leaving with the hardest one. He never orders a drink but does leave a tip, however the amount of people who later come to complain about Zimmermann getting special treatment is just not worth it.

Shitty is always in the tavern, he’s loud and has a lot of opinions about everything. He knows a lot about a lot of random things and would be a good person to have in a quest for the value of his knowledge alone if he wasn’t so annoying sometimes.

Lardo is a badass and pretty ok actually, but she always has paint in her hands or glitter, so it takes ages to clean up after her.

Random and Holster are never seen without each other, they are actually one of the tavern success stories.

Bitty can totally tell by the magic in the air that the tavern will do its thing soon, and it starts with Lardo showing up and sitting with Shitty, a scroll in her hands. Shitty looks interested and the two speak for a really long time.

Holster and Ransom arrive, and zero in on Lardo who apparently won the scroll from them in some sort of drinking game. They don’t seem mad just very impressed. They sit down and order drinks.

Jack shows up, and before he can get to the bar, spots the scroll which Shitty is holding up to the light. Jack joins their table. They talk for a while before he pulls out a key, their group starts to whisper in excitement and then they fall into the usual negotiations when it comes to group quests.

The group orders pie, and Bitty goes to serve them since they are short staffed that day. He peers curiously at the scroll.

“Samwell?” He reads out loud curiously, and blushes when they all zero in on him. He knows it was rude of him to try and find out details about a quest to he apologises, but Lardo grabs him by the arm and makes him take a seat.

“You can read it?” Jack demands.

Bitty looks around the expectant expressions and oh, so this is why the magic felt kind of heavy today. Shit. “…yes.”

Bitty really tries to get out of joining their quests. “I am but a simple kitchen witch!” He complains loudly, “I don’t even know how to use hexes or use swords! I can only make pies appear.”

“You can make food appear!?!?? Like that’s so damn useful, we have enough people with fighting skills around.” “It’s decided you are coming with us!”

Bitty despairs. He really is just a simple kitchen witch with no interest on adventure.

“That means you are the main character,” Johnson, the owner of the tavern tells him cheerfully while giving him a packed bag.

So off they go in their quest. Jack apparently to reclaim his kingdom which has been cursed and hidden from him till now. Shitty in search for rare knowledge that is said to be only found in the library. Lardo for inspiration. Ransom and Holster for a cure to free people from the LAX plague. And Bitty who is just being dragged alone since he’s the only one capable of reading the map.

“4 gold coins that he discovers his inner strength and true love on the way,” Johnson bets Fry Guy.

“No bet, you are a seer,” replies Fry Guy cleaning a mug and thinking how peaceful it’ll be around the tavern with all the annoying regulars gone.

“Call me a frog again to my face!”
“Frog!”

Then two guys start fighting, while a third one tries to stop them. Fry Guy sighs, spoke too soon.

anonymous asked:

ana bear, can i ask you something? can you write little quirks and mannerisms you love about our shining babes? like, a eprsonal trait, a habit, all things you think define them (like Taem's magic hands and stuff)

yes y e s  of course I can and I’ll be glad to - let’s start with:

taemin

quirks/mannerisms

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