so am i the only one who would watch dog cops if it was real

You Should Know Better Pt.13

(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five) (Part Six) (Part Seven) (Part Eight) (Part Nine) (Part Ten) (Part Eleven) (Part Twelve) (Part Thirteen) (Part Fourteen) (Part Fifteen)

Summary: Natalie decides to ask Joe about his failed marriage only for him to ignore the question and storm off. 
POV: Hoesph
Characters: Joe Merriweather, Natalie
Word Count: 2535
Author’s Note: Nope, it isn’t what it looks like. I literally have no clue on what to do in the next chapter.I lied I figured it out last night. Enjoy!
Quote: “Rub me in the right spot and I’ll make all your dreams and wishes come true.”

MASTERLIST

YSKB MASTERLIST

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Moonie Ch. 2

This is part two of a story about a very normal college student at a very abnormal college. @elsewhereuniversity was created by @charminglyantiquated, and I am so grateful that we can play in their world!

Read chapter one here!

Read chapter three here!


I’ve been noticing more and more strange things around campus.

Since Jenny went missing two weeks ago, this place hasn’t felt the same. Maybe I never noticed it before, or maybe things have somehow changed.

I had never paid any attention to the bottles and the sugar packets and the all-crust end slices of bread left on paper plates outside of every door. All that perfectly good food I had assumed was garbage. Now that I’m looking, I catch older students glancing at me from across the hallways. They shake their heads and avoid eye contact, dark iron jewelry dangling from their ears or necks. These were easy enough to write off as a cultural thing. I wasn’t part of the In Crowd. Whatever.

I couldn’t explain away the places where physics didn’t work right. The park benches outside of the art buildings were always in shadow, even at high noon with the sun beating down overhead. That one scale in the gym locker room has been replaced sixteen times and will never read the same weight twice. The tree by the soccer field pulls kites and footballs and frisbees to it like a nuclear-powered fun magnet. Then there was Jenny’s car. In a matter of days it had shriveled from almost new to rusted out junk. I couldn’t explain any of it. None of it should be possible.

Why had I never noticed the horns wailing and the howls of dogs at night?

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Juvenal Delinquent: C.G

So here is one of my imagines I had longest on my lists. I’ve kinda wanted to do this for a bit. But well here ya go.

Warning: Swearing and typical Gallagher shit.

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● —— stand by me sentence starters.

’ alright, mickey’s a mouse, donald’s a duck, pluto’s a dog. what’s goofy? ’
’ goofy’s a dog. he’s definitely a dog. ’
’ if i could only have one food for the rest of my life? ’
’ there’s no way anybody could know that much about opera! ’
’ does the word “retarded” mean anything to you? ’
’ i don’t shut up. i grow up. and when i look at you, i throw up. ’
’ don’t call me any of your mother’s pet names. ’
’ fuck writing, i don’t want to be a writer. ’
’ god gave you something, man, all those stories you can make up. ’
’ kids lose everything unless there’s someone there to look out for them. ’
’ this is what we got for ya, kid. try not to lose it. ’
’ if your parents are too fucked up to do it, then maybe i should. ’
’ i’m in the prime of my youth, and i’ll only be young once! ’
’ yeah, but you’re gonna be stupid for the rest of your life. ’
’ how do you know if a frenchman has been in your backyard? ’
’ your garbage cans are empty and your dog’s pregnant. ’
’ didn’t i just say i was french? ’
’ do you think i’m weird? ’
’ no man, seriously. am i weird? ’
’ so what? everyone’s weird. ’
’ suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood. ’
’ this isn’t funny! what am i supposed to eat? ’
’ come on you guys. let’s get moving. ’
’ by the time we get there, the kid won’t even be dead anymore. ’
’ you four-eyed pile of shit! ’
’ a pile of shit has a thousand eyes. ’
’ do you think mighty mouse could beat up superman? ’
’ he/she was carrying five elephants in one hand! ’
’ boy, you don’t know nothing! ’
’ there’s no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy. ’
’ maybe you’re right. it’d be a good fight, though. ’
’ i’m never gonna get out of this town am i? ’
’ you can do anything you want, man. ’
’ the main guy of the story is a fat kid that nobody likes. ’
’ friends come in and out of our lives, like busboys in a restaurant. ’
’ come on, choppy! bite my ass, choppy! bite my ass! ’
’ stop teasing that dog, you hear me! stop teasing him! ’
’ i’m gonna beat your ass, teasing my dog like that! ’
’ i’d like to see you climb over this fence and get me, fat ass! ’
’ don’t you call me that, you little tin weasel peckerwood looney’s son. ’
’ what did you call me? ’
’ i’m gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck! ’
’ i never had any friends later on like the ones i had when I was twelve. ’
’ nothing like a smoke after a meal. ’
’ yeah… i cherish these moments. ’
’ “suck my fat one”? whoever told you that you had a fat one? ’
’ i was twelve going on thirteen the first time i saw a dead human being. ’
’ what are you gonna do? shoot us all? ’
’ you guys wanna go see a dead body? ’
’ you wanna be the lone ranger, or the cisco kid? ’
’ shit no! what do you think i am? ’
’ is it loaded? ’
’ if you wanna get laid, you gotta get yourself a protestant. ’
’ did your mother have any kids that lived? ’
’ maybe you will, maybe you won’t. ’
’ i wasn’t that scared. i wasn’t. sincerely. ’
’ don’t pay any attention to those fools. ’
’ are you all right, young man/lady? ’
’ hey lardass, how was your trip? ’
’ that was the all-time train dodge! ’
’ you were so scared you looked like that fat guy. ’
’ you come on and try it, you slimy bastard. ’
’ you watch your mouth, smart guy! let him do his own fighting. ’
’ from the racks and stacks, it’s the best on wax! ’
’ we’re just here to take a couple steelhead out of the river. ’
’ come on, man, we’re gonna be famous! ’
’ we’re gonna be on every radio and tv show in the country! ’
’ now i’m gonna state mine: get in the fucking car, now! ’
’ okay… you’ve stated your position clearly. ’
’ when they gonna give up? the kid’s gone. ’
’ they ain’t never gonna find him/her. ’
’ would you hold still? you’re making me fuck up the snake part. ’
’ some hunter’s gonna go in the woods to take a leak, wind up pissing on his bones. ’
’ i bet you a thousand bucks they’ll find him/her before then. ’
’ hey, what’s the big deal? who cares? ’
’ will you two just shut the fuck up? ’
’ if either of you assholes had two-thousand dollars, i’d kill you both. ’
’ why couldn’t you have gotten breakfast stuff? ’
’ i guess a more experienced shopper could have gotten more for your seven cents. ’
’ the train had knocked him/her out of his/her keds. ’
’ you’re gonna be a great writer someday. ’
’ i’ll be waiting on the other side, relaxing with my thoughts. ’
’ you use your left hand or right hand to do that? ’
’ you let him/her beat you, you cock-knocker! ’
’ what am i supposed to do, think of everything? ’
’ what did you bring a comb for? you don’t even have any hair! ’
’ i’m sorry if i’m spoiling everybody’s good time. ’
’ we’re going to see a dead kid… maybe it shouldn’t be a party. ’
’ you know what that means. next year we’ll all be split up. ’
’ what are you talking about? why would that happen? ’
’ no, man. don’t say that. don’t even think that. ’
’ i told you we should of stuck to the tracks. ’
’ is it me, or are you the world’s biggest pussy? ’
’ i suppose this is fun for you? ’
’ i still think we should call the cops. ’
’ it’s best we just keep our mouths shut. ’
’ we could make a ‘nonymous call. ’
’ they trace those calls, stupid. ’
’ you’re a real asshole, you know that? ’
’ i know you didn’t mean to insult my friend. ’
’ why don’t you tell me something i don’t know, asshole? ’
’ any of you guys know when the next train is due? ’
’ the kid wasn’t sick. the kid wasn’t sleeping. the kid was dead. ’

Hey buradaolsan! Thanks for being so adorable and leaving us such a sweet note. I MEAN HONESTLY WE’RE LIKE

And here are a shit-ton of fics for you! :)

loving me is as easy as pie by trilliastra

(1,150 I General I Complete I Deputy!Stiles)

“Dude, I’m a cop.” A voice Derek never heard says. “I can deal with creepy neighbors who steal people’s shit.” He barks out a laugh. “The only thing that worries me is all the noise his dog makes. God, that’s annoying.”

Derek snorts. The only reason Donatello might have barked is because he heard Jackson’s voice. Like owner, like dog, Laura usually says. “You know what else is annoying?” Derek says, trying not to trip over yet another box. “All the boxes blocking the hall.”

Never Accept Gifts From An Arsonist by KuriKuri

(2,537 I Mature I Complete)

“I mean, dude, the fire alarm’s going off and you stroll out of the building reading – what is that? Balto?” Hot Neighbor Guy continues, flailing a little as he gestures to the book in Derek’s hand. “This is not a middle school fire drill!”

“You’re new here,” is Derek’s highly intelligent answer.

This is a Cat-tastrophe by reptilianraven

(4,227 i General I Complete)

“Honestly, I don’t see the problem here.” Kira says as Igloo crawls up onto her shoulder. She idly feeds him a small piece of parsley. “You’re into him, he’s pretty into you. You both bond over it through cat care tips. A hot guy plus cats? That’s a jackpot. There’s no downside here.”

“Yeah, everything would be perfect if it wasn’t for the fact that I don’t actually own any cats!” Stiles yells, bordering on manic.

-

The one where Stiles thinks that Derek only talks to him because he thinks Stiles owns a cat. The problem is that Stiles doesn’t own a cat at all. Instead, he has a judgmental iguana and a crush on the guy living on the 4th floor. Everything is terrible. Sort of.

Mismatched Socks by literaryoblivion

(6,163 I Teen I Complete)

“I don’t get here that early! And no, it’s not for a promotion, although that’d be nice. It’s…” Stiles pauses. He can’t say the real reason he gets there early, so he tries to come up with another plausible excuse. “The bus routes changed, and I have to take the earlier one. My old one would get here too late.” Stiles hopes Scott will buy the lie.

“Gotcha. That sucks, man.”

It does suck. Because the truth is, he gets up early and gets to work an hour before he needs to just so he can spend five minutes in the elevator with his next door neighbor Derek.

Of Neighbors and Miguel by neko_fish

(7,904 I Teen I Complete)

Stiles has mixed feelings about his new apartment building. On the one hand, his flatmate’s gone MIA, the amount of junk mail he gets is ridiculous, and his neighbours are maybe-possibly-probably killers.

But on the other hand, there’s Miguel—perfect, beautiful Miguel.

Rainy Days Never Prepared Him For This by CiaraWrites

(8,236 I Teen I Complete)

When Stiles left Beacon Hills for college he totally didn’t sign up for getting drenched every day when making his journeys from his apartment to the bus to campus and back again as soon as he moved out of the dorms. And yet, that’s his life and has been for the past four years.

But there is one upside.

Angry Umbrella Guy.

Peculiar/Interesting by standinginanicedress

(14,400 I Explicit I Complete)

“Don’t you think he’s strange?”

The boys watch as Stiles drops his half eaten donut on the ground, flails for a second before glancing all around as if checking to make sure no one’s watching – and then scoops the glazed treat right back up and takes another bite, albeit with a guilty expression on his face.

“Strange?” Scott repeats, furrowing his brow.

“Yeah. Like – you know. Peculiar.”

Welcome to the Neighborhood by  CiaraWrites

(14,484 I Teen I Complete I Deputy!Stiles and Florist!Derek)

Stiles has a deal with his neighbours. He mows their lawns and gets the leaves out of their gutters and does all the manual work they can’t handle any more and in return all the old ladies fatten him up with cookies and cakes and homemade lemonade – or hot chocolate on a winter’s day.

As far as he’s concerned, it’s a pretty sweet deal he’s got going on. That is, at least, until some asshole starts taking all his business.

Expensive holes to bury things by ElisAttack

(14,828 I Mature I Complete I Writer!Derek, Model!Stiles)

Some days Derek thinks his life would be infinitely less complicated if he hadn’t bought the condo simply because he got a deal when the previous owner murdered his wife.

Or the one where Derek is a jaded author of thriller novels, fascinated with the mysterious boy next door.

Hot Mess by standinginanicedress

(20,458 I Explicit I Complete)

“I really -” Stiles rips his hand free of Derek’s and clears his throat, taking stock of all the other things that were in his basket, how strewn all over the floor of the grocery store they are. “…I’m a normal, functioning human being, I swear I am.”

“Right,” Derek says, and his mouth starts quirking up even more. Like he’s amused, and like he absolutely positively does not believe for a second that Stiles is normal.

or the one where Stiles is a literal human disaster that ruins everything, and Derek finds it incredibly attractive

There’s a Light on the Porch Here for Someone by freeyourheart

(60,814 I Explicit I Complete I Warning: Panic Attacks I Deputy!Derek and Teacher!Stiles)

Derek Hale moved to Beacon Hills to be alone.
He had finally found a place where he fit - a place that fit him.

But that was all too good to be true…

Enjoy!

Angsty

Blackout

Eleven x Reader

Request: Anon: could I have a 11 x reader with the prompts 36 & 40 please ? thank you !!! X

Hello!! I went a little long on this one, but I hope you enjoy it! There is a bit of a cliff hanger, so a part two may be a possibility….;) Thanks so much for requesting! Much love! xoxo

Title: Blackout

Word Count: 4,715


“Only five more minutes…” You groaned as you looked at your small black watch that laid gently on your wrist. You continued to take books off of the large stack piled next to you and placed them in their respective spots on the shelves alphabetically as you impatiently waited for closing time. It had been a long week, and all you wanted to do was go home, drink a few beers, cuddle with your dog, all the while watching some Dateline. As you thought of your evening plans, you heard the sharp jingle of the bell at the front door that indicated someone had come into your bookshop. You’ve got to be kidding me, the sign says we close soon. You thought to yourself, placing the book in your hand back onto the stack. “Hello! So sorry, but as the sign says, we close at six tonight. I’ll be open on Monday again.” You hollered out as you made your way through the maze of stacks and shelves to the front of the shop. As you turned the corner, you realized you were talking to an empty room and you felt your ears perk up for any sounds of another person present in your space. “Hello?” You called around, going up and down the science fiction, and romance sections. “Alright, look. I’m closing shop, and I’d like to not lock you in here, but I will and call the cops if I have to.” You stated, coming back up to the front awaiting an answer. But there was only silence. Your frustration was rising as you looked about your immediate area. “Alright buddy, whoever you are, I am really wanting to get out if here. You have five seconds to show yourself, and then we can just get out and continue our evenings. If I get down to zero you’re going to wish you hadn’t waited until I found you. Five…four…” You threatened, continuing to look behind stacks and shelves. “Three…two….” You continued, looking behind your cashier desk, grabbing the bat you hid underneath it. Usually in instances like this, it was just a homeless person trying to find a warm place, or some kid trying to pull a prank. Never anything malevolent, but you usually weeded them out by three. “Two and a half!” You yelled, as you cautiously turned another corner, ready to strike the intruder. You jumped as you heard a book fall off a stack a few aisles over, and spun to face the noise. You gripped the bat tighter, and quietly made your way to the history section of your store hoping to surprise whoever was hiding there. “ONE!” You shouted, bat above your head and ready to strike. “WHOA! Oi! It’s alright! I’m not here to hurt you!!” 

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Katie’s 1,000 Follower Challenge!

Hello there all. Queue basic cheesy writing challenge photo:

There it is. 

Anywho. Last week we hit 1,000 followers! And I’m so, so excited. You guys are all awesome, and I’m here because of each and every one of you. Seriously, I’ve only been here for 4 months and you guys are incredible.

So since I have quite a few things that I’m working on, I’ve decided to challenge you guys. 

That’s right, below the cut includes directions, rules, and a list of prompts for you to choose from. I’ve also included my everything tags crew. 

Queue ‘keep reading’ function.

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Gods and Widows

Originally posted by saunderskendra

Prompt: Reverb is married on Earth-2. 

(Words: 2262) (Sorry for the length, it was so fun to write!)

The warehouse was such a clichéd villain’s lair, that if Cisco wasn’t going up against his best friend’s evil doppelganger, he would have scoffed. But be that as it may, he followed Mrs. West Allen and Floyd Lawton out of the dark alley to the unlocked door on the side of the place.

“Look alive, gents.” Iris stated and Cisco did just that, taking note of how much more in charge this Iris was. Was it because she was a cop, or was this just her?

It wasn’t a bad thing. He just didn’t want to get her angry. If Earth-1 Iris West was scary when mad… he didn’t want to even catch a glimpse of what Earth-2’s Iris West-Allen could do to someone she didn’t know. That knife thing at the precinct had completely caught him off guard.

But he was good.

Lawton and Iris took the lead into the warehouse, Cisco trailing behind them, holding his own weapon out in front of him as the other two were.

“Maybe your snitch was wrong about their whereabouts,” Lawton whispered to Iris, looking around cautiously (and somewhat fearfully) for the two metas.

A loud beeping came from Iris’ metahuman app and the three looked up.

“No. They’re here.”

Footsteps from up ahead caused them to look up and as Cisco took in Caitlin’s –Killer Frost­—appearance, he froze for a minute, only slightly registering her demand to lay down their weapons as he witnessed the way her hand began to produce a frosty mist among it.

After secretly hiding his weapon in his pocket, he stood up and took a step towards the two, finally taking in Ronnie’s darker look.

“Ronnie? Is Martin Stein in there?” Cisco already knew the answer, but needed to hear it. And when Deathstorm and Killer Frost laughed and confirmed that yes, the scientist was in Ronnie and not at all in charge, even partially, he looked even more ashamed of them.

“I can’t believe that you two work for Zoom! I mean, how—why, would you even consider it?” Cisco knew it wasn’t the real Caitlin and Ronnie, but to know that their doppelgangers would be evil? That was something he couldn’t register.

A voice from the left startled him as a woman answered his question. “Simple, really. The most powerful stand at the top of the totem pole.”

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Yankity Spankity

Ok. So. I literally have no excuse for this other than the original post made me laugh so hard and my dear friend @thehexperiment is an enabler and wonderful beta. This is like, the shhitpost-iest thing I’ve ever written, and lordy, was it fun but difficult. It was inspired by a zodiac post about which line from 50 Shades you are, and I thought one sounded very nalu-esq, and then another, and another, and it turned into a challenge, I guess? So all of the following phrases can be found in this… whatever it is lol. 

Post link: http://waterjugs.tumblr.com/post/150060277835/the-signs-as-50-shades-of-grey-quotes

Lucy gets handcuffed to a street meter and let’s be real, it’s only an average day when you’re dating Natsu Dragneel in NYC. Did she mention he was a cop?

Pairing: Nalu, Fairy Tail

Words: 4148

Rating: T

Part: One Shot

Natsu was so dead.

Like, ‘Lucy would have to call Juvia and Levy to help her bury the remains of his stupidly perfect body’ dead.

“Natsu Dragneel!” Lucy screamed, metallic clacks urging on her rage as the handcuff banged around the metal of the street meter. “You get your stupid ass back here or so help me God!” She continued to screech at his retreating back. She watched as he ran faster, and blew her an apologetic kiss as he rounded a corner.

Lucy released a loud noise of anger directed at the sky. A small child looked at her with worried eyes before their mother tugged them along sharply, tapping away on her phone urgently with one hand. Lucy’s love-hate relationship with New York was leaning more into the hate aspect right now.

“Bye.” She muttered to herself, mocking Natsu’s departing squeak. “What the hell do I say to my boss. ‘Hi, sorry my piece is late, my boyfriend gently handcuffed me to a street meter and then said ‘bye’.’” Lucy hissed to herself, tugging futilely on the metal encircling her one wrist. “He’s so not getting laid for a fucking week.”

Lucy toed her bag closer, the large tote tipping on it’s side and spilling her phone onto the sidewalk, along with a tube of lip gloss, several pens, and a dog eared paperback. She bent down with a sigh, trying to kick her contents back into the canvas bag after she had retrieved her phone. She glared dangerously as she noticed a young man with blonde hair eyeing her purse, nodding to herself as she watched him shrug deeper into his grey hoodie and scurry away.

“Levy, I need you to come to the corner of twelfth and twentieth. And bring Gajeel’s spare handcuff key.” Lucy sighed heavier as she heard her friend’s baffled voice turn amused.

“Why? What did Natsu do now?”

“Guess.”

“Your boyfriend’s an idiot.” Levy chirped, background noise alerting Lucy to Levy leaving her apartment.

“You don’t know the half of it Lev,” Lucy whined, frowning as she shuffled her bag securely between her ankles, and safely protected from more threatening and broke twenty somethings. “When I woke up from a nap two days ago Natsu had managed to somehow get an orange in my mouth. A whole orange! I still don’t know how.” Lucy groaned under her breath and let her head fall forward to rest on the top of the parking meter she was now leaning on.

“… Was it a small orange?”

“Levy Ashley Mae McGarden you swore to me you would never bring that up!” Lucy banged her forehead on the unyielding metal. Her handcuffed clanked in sympathy.

“I don’t know what you mean, Lucy.” Levy hummed innocently.

“I was drunk off of that contraband vodka Cana brought us.” Lucy defended weakly. “I don’t even remember it.”

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Thoughts on John Reese & the End of PoI...

I decided it would be best to take a day or more to process, sleep on it, to see if my initial reactions to the end would shift. it seems that nope, not really.  I’m still angry, I’m still sad and the end just feels so cheap to me.

It’s not that John Reese died. It really isn’t. I expected it. That was pretty clear from the beginning of the series.  And if I look at  just the last episode, on its own, there would appear to be many reasons for me to feel satisfied: John Reese got the ultimate heroic death. He chose it. It was on his terms.  He saved his best friend that he loved (in whatever way one chooses to view it - be it as a  bromance/brotherhood way or as something more than that), he saved the world.

Jim Caviezel, as always, gave a wonderful performance.  That smile on Reese’s face as he watched Finch walk away to safety - that was THE moment, conveyed so perfectly.

Reese and Finch also had some emotional scenes that where they vocalized what their bond meant to them.  Reese even had a sweet ‘goodbye’ scene with Fusco earlier in the episode.

So I should have felt happy, heartbroken still of course, but happy at John Reese’s end… but I am not and likely never will be. Why? Because I step back and view the series in its entirety.  Because the Reese/Finch relationship had been neglected, diminished and dismantled for the last 30+ episodes. More importantly, the character of John Reese had been slowly stripped of everything - his best friend, his dog, his wit, his competency - through the last 40+ episodes. He was mocked and belittled by his fellow ‘Team’ members, just to stand there and take it. (Because that’s how PoI chose to show the women were strong/badass - by tearing down the man.)

The show pretty much gave up on writing for Reese shortly after Carter died in his arms. Sure, there were some Reese centered episodes after that (”4C”, “Terra Incognita” and “Truth Be Told”), but never an actual story arc imo. Do not get me stated on the horrid mess that was “John goes to therapy’ in season 4. It could have been worthwhile, but then the show went the soap opera and just plain revolting route of the therapist/patient hook up. Just… no. And we never actually spent ANY substantial time on that relationship (which was good because that was the one and only John Reese pairing I could not support or tolerate.)

John Reese essentially became an afterthought. That was vividly apparent in the final 13 episodes. Reese was basically just, well, there - a pretty backdrop, just treading water until the last episode when he would make the big sacrifice. Look at all the care and attention throughout this season given to Root, who also sacrificed herself to save Finch, versus what was given to Reese.  The disparity is vast and very blatant. They couldn’t even elaborate on how Reese made the deal with TM (who apparently can lie, in contradiction to her “You know I can’t lie to you, Harold” statement in the previous episode.)

Root got to live on - well 99.6% of her. Shaw got to ‘feel’, got Bear, and have TMroot in her ear as she picked up the mantle of Reese’s job. Finch got his happy reunion with Grace. Fusco got to continue being a good cop (unsure of what happened to his partner Reese, since Finch apparently couldn’t be bothered with getting word to him somehow.)

Reese got literally vaporized. It wasn’t enough to shoot him like 50 times, he had to be blown up on top of that. No change or real growth was ever possible for him in any version of reality. So if you’re a  veteran who suffers from depression and PTSD, well, you’re just doomed? Once suicidal, always suicidal? What an uplifting message, thanks writers.

TMroots final deep revelation of what she learned.  Lots of time could’ve been saved if she’d just read some greeting cards, or maybe one of those daily affirmation calenders. Anyhow…

I will miss seeing John/Reese/JC on my tv on a weekly basis. I invested 5 years in watching his journey. But as for the show itself, the “Person of Interest” I loved died around 2 seasons ago.  Kudos to Jim Caviezel for creating an amazing character and always making the most of what he was given. John Reese will live on, as I will always treasure the earlier seasons and the magic he made with even the smallest of moments.

Emily Andras AMA over at Reddit

Q: How did the whole Lexa situation affect not maybe the shooting (as I believe it was already shot), but the engagement with fans on social media, for example, of WYNONNA EARP?

And second, how do you experience the showrunners world being a female creator and writer and any advice for - ehem, fellow, hopefully - future writers who want to bring more diversity and good writing to Television?

EA:  The Lexa situation didn’t affect the creative of WE as it WAS already shot, but it made me feel happy about certain storytelling choices we’d made. I was aware of the BYG trope, but I was impressed at how passionately that fanbase pushed it into the mainstream media and have started to demand better representation. 

If you are a ‘future’ writer (hell, if you write, you can just say 'writer’ now) who wants to bring more diversity to television, you should surround yourself with diverse writers and mentors. Then if and when you’re lucky enough to be in a position of power to make change, i.e. as a showrunner, you should put your money where your mouth is and hire diversely.

Q: Did you personally choose Melanie Scofrano to be your lead lady? How was the process to find “the” Wynonna? btw she is doing a great job

EA: I did personally choose her, along with my producers, and it might be the smartest decision I ever made. She is doing an amazing job because she is a once-in-a-lifetime performer. We saw over 300 young actresses across the coast, but in the end, there was only Scrofano. And all was right in Purgatory. :)

Q: In your experience writing/producing tv as a raging feminist, what have been some elements (trope-smashing, specific plots, themes, stylistic choices etc.) for which you’ve really had to fight to be included in the final product? Have you faced any backlash or resistance as a result?

EA: I have always had to fight for the LGBT stuff. Always. Initially nobody wants the pretty girl to be a lesbian. Even if she’s been like that since I started developing her (and I usually have). Nobody thinks there’s an audience. Nobody thinks it’s a real thing. Then it is. And the audience comes because they get it. And I feel triumphant. And happy. I think also 'female’ driven storytelling is still somehow seen as less 'legitimate’ or 'prestigious’ than shows that feature a male anti-hero…in the same way almost any novel written by a female author is decreed 'chitlit’ regardless of content. So I feel like my work is often dismissed as pap regardless of critical adoration or audience success. But here I am, still making TV that I’d watch. And that smells like victory. :) That’s my raging feminist answer and I’m sticking to it.

Q: Was there originally more to the WayHaught barn scene? It seems like it begins in the middle of an interaction.

EA: Could be. DVD EXTRAS, Y'ALL

Q: What is your fav quality about Wynonna? What quality of wynonna do you personally relate to?

EA:  My fave quality about Wynonna is that even though she is such a hot mess with such a dark past and has every reason to give up and give in to simply being 'bad’, she never does. She fights and tries and cares, despite her many mistakes and flaws.  I relate to her torrid love affair with donuts. But she’s much braver than I. :)

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Creepypasta #813: There Is A Drug Called PH4 In Circulation. Please Don’t Take It.

Length: Super long

When I was in college in 2010, I was pretty heavily involved with some serious drug trading. I had always kind of been a party animal, and usually if I wasn’t high off of one thing I was drunk off another. Drugs and alcohol consumed most of my life, so I figured that I’d make some money off of that bad habit of mine, and got into the business.

It’s sure as hell not easy or safe money, I’ll tell you that, but it was the best money a college kid with several criminal charges was going to get. I sold all sorts of shit; weed, crack, heroin, ecstasy, you name it. Nothing was off the table for me, and if there was a name for it I probably had it. I’m not proud of it, but a guy’s gotta make money, you know? And it saved me money being able to supply my own addictions.

It was easily one of the darkest times of my life. I’d lost most of my real friends I’d had since elementary school, and I was rolling with the worst crowd you could imagine. Fellow dealers, mostly, and I hung out with some of the people I dealt to as well. I was in and out of jail and rehab, and my parents had cut me off since I was using their money to fund my habits. I was failing most of my classes and about to be kicked out of school. I was hardly lucid half the time, but when I was, I felt like shit. I wanted out. So you can imagine that I’d take the first opportunity I had to build myself a new life, no matter what the cost.

I should’ve known right off the bat that there was something odd about Ben, but I wasn’t the brightest at the time. He was definitely unusual, though. I’d seen Ben in the shadier parts of town where most of my dealing took place multiple times, and the first few times I thought he was a cop or a private investigator or something else that meant bad news. He wasn’t, though, just looked it. Even in alleys and slums I never saw him without a freshly ironed clean suit on and his blond hair done up all fancy-like. He wasn’t old, exactly, but he definitely wasn’t young either, not by our standards. Maybe in his early to mid 30s. Can’t say for sure.

Ben was lurking around our crowds for a while, never buying, never making a move, not doing much of anything. Just observing, it seemed, which was threatening in itself. There was talk about ‘getting rid’ of him, and maybe he caught wind of it, because after he approached me with a job offer I never saw him again.

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— From anon hmm? Seems legit not you, anyway, here’s my response to everything you said.

>Rapist
— Completely untrue accusation. Rejection is a turn off and makes it impossible for me to be aroused. Sometimes when you break up with people, they make up things about you to hurt you. No one I’ve ever known has accused me of that crime, and the person you’re referencing apologized for how she behaved regarding our relationship repeatedly. She also gave me her phone number, offered her friendship, said she was moving to my area, called me a “good person” & suggested we hang out months after I broke up with her (the screen cap of the emails she sent is all over the place, but I put them below too, read the apologies, the invitation, the phone number sharing etc)



If you think I would ever sexually violate someone, your thoughts are faulty. To be bluntly honest, I would kill myself if I was that kind of person (yeah, sounds dramatic, killing yourself, but sex criminals are the epitome of human scum to me, I don’t understand how anyone could live with themselves, I’ve been clear about this stance on sex crimes since day 1, long before these accusations came up - again, if I’ve always hated sex criminals, and made countless videos against crimes of that nature why would I ever consider doing such a thing? It’s disgusting.).

>Preys on underage fans, his current wife was 16 when they began dating
- She was 17. It was legal in the state we were in. We have been married for almost 3 years now. If you have a problem with people being in legal relationships with each other, you need to change the law, complaining on Tumblr won’t make legal relationships suddenly illegal just because you disagree with them.

>Cheats on every girl he’s ever dated/married
- Literally never cheated on anyone. Again, if I did, I would kill myself (don’t understand how cheaters live with themselves either, they are scum). If you’re going to call someone a cheater or sex criminal, make sure it’s not a guy who’s made countless videos condemning all of the above while also stating the same thing I’m stating now, far before any accusations came out. Cheaters and sex criminals have no value in this world to me, if I were one, I wouldn’t be alive. It’s not the most politically correct opinion, but it’s still my opinion.

>Thinks all meat eaters are murderers
- Murder is defined as the illegal killing of a human being. Some time ago I had a different opinion of meat eaters till I opened a dictionary. You should take a look at one as well.

>Compares alimony to slavery
- It’s an unpopular comparison, true. Slaves work for profit they will never see, alimony is literally working for profit you will never see. In that sense, it is much like slavery. Not as horrible, but in most cases, alimony remains completely unreasonable. If you are a functional adult man or women without children, no one should be handing you checks just for being married to them once upon a time. Leave checks like that for disabled people and children.

>Put his turtle under a plastic bin out in the sun in the middle of summer and was shocked to find it dead an hour later
- Yes, that was an accident, I put the turtle in there to protect them from the dogs, I wanted him to enjoy being outside, just forgot to poke holes in it. I was an idiot for that. I talked to animal control about it, they educated me on turtle care and my ignorance. When I am guilty of something, I am happy to admit it, as I have proven again and again. That’s why a lot of people see me as extremely honest, because I don’t hide idiotic mistakes like accidentally causing the death of your pet turtle. Accidents happen, and I deserve to be reminded of them so I do not repeated them.

>Says he’s a feminist and that women are all attention-seeking, greedy, succubus whores in the same sentence
- Surprise, I’m a comedian.

>Tells his fans to kill themselves and posts sexist, racist tweets on the daily in the guise of “comedy”
- I tell jokes, when you take jokes seriously, you are doing the opposite of what jokes intend. The kill yourself jokes were exactly that, spoken to a general audience and they all made me/many others laugh. Again, I tell jokes, if you don’t like jokes, avoid comedians.

>Stepped on and burned a bible while paying for his wife to attend a christian school
- Hell yeah. College is college. You can get a degree from a Christian college just like a regular one. What’s the problem? Yes, Bibles suck, but my wife deserves a good education, Christian college or not. I happily pay for her to go to college, wherever she wants to go. It’s a perk of being loved by me.

>Caused his ex-fiance to miscarry by slamming her into a door frame
- You’re referring to one of the two times I called the police on her for being psycho? One time they told her to stay away from me and stop body slamming my door (you know, when she was trying to force her way into my room after I broke up with her (I broke up with people a lot) and I kept asking her to step away so finally with one hand on the door and the other through the door I pushed her away and closed the door so I could lock it… she weighed the same as me (about 170lbs only she was 11 inches shorter so she had a mad center of gravity), she was freaky strong and violent at the time, so strong I couldn’t close the door without distancing her from the door. I just wanted to be alone in my room, she would not give me that, when she said I was abusive for pushing her away from the door, I called the cops so they could sort everything out, and they did), and another time the cops strongly suggested I get in a car/escape her after she threatened to “kill (herself) and make it look like (I) did it”. You don’t mention both incidents the police took my side right away because I always called, and I always clearly explained what happened while she continued to have melt downs in front of them. When they told me to escape her I had all my things packed and was all the way to LA in a matter of 24 hours or so. I was able to do this because she was being held for observation (what with threatening her own life, and pinning it on me, suicide watch is a real thing) 

Update: All the above aside I didn’t address the actual point, the miscarriage. She was told she was about 12 weeks pregnant, but when they did the ultrasound they said the baby died 6 weeks in. When she was pushed away from my door so I could close it, that was around 12 weeks in. My point is according to the medical professional who examined her, there is no way I could have harmed that child, there was no physical damage to her or anything close to the baby (who was by then already 6 weeks passed due to unknown reasons). I literally just pushed her away from the door so I could close it, my hand was around her shoulder when the push happened. Again, this was after she repeatedly body slammed herself into my door so I could not close it to be left alone. There’s a lot of misinformation about what happened, this is the clearest/most honest report of what actually happened you’re going to get. This was a few years ago so I’m doing my best to remember everything, but when the police were called the two times, they documented the incidents. It’s all in a police report where during one incident she was told to stay away from me, and I was told to just call the police if she refused to leave the room/got physical, rather than pushing her out of my room and the other time she was taken away. 

—- It was a crazy relationship, and I’m glad to be in a stable one of over 3 years now with my beautiful wife.


>Created a “skinny-pact” with his ex-wife so she’d remain sexually attractive to him
- I don’t remember that, but it sounds possible (by the way, you’re referring to my ex girlfriend, not wife, we applied for marriage as she was Canadian and extra steps are required when marrying a foreigner. The application didn’t go through until she got pregnant with another man’s baby while she and I were dating (translation: I was cheated on, and she was still taking thousands of dollars from me while she was cheating on me to pay her living expenses in Canada till she could allegedly return to me once she got a new passport (said she lost the other one) — messed up right?) - just facts you conveniently leave out - to be clear, again, we never got married). Anyway, I think it would of been called a “Stay healthy” pact, but either way, that’s obviously the goal. People should stay healthy out of respect for each other. Healthy is mostly anything under 200lbs to me. That’s not really skinny, but not fat either, it’s healthy.

Update: Someone commented saying it was in fact my first wife I had the “stay skinny pact” (not my Canadian ex)… makes sense why the memory is foggy, that was a very long time ago (like… 5+ years), if a skinny pact happened, ok. But like I said, people should stay healthy for each other. Eat a lot of food, just make sure it’s healthy food. That’s literally my stance… however I don’t enforce it on anyone but myself. I am only the boss of my own life, that’s it. But seriously, if you don’t like my desire for my significant other to be as healthy as me, don’t worry, you’ll never have to date me, so we’re good.

>Got his new wife pregnant at 18 and now they have a son named ****
- (1) If that happened it wouldn’t be a bad thing if everyone involved was happy/consensual. (2) It’s none of your business.

> Known to prey son women with low self esteem to manipulate them
- What? Whatever you’re trying to say, like most everything, you’re very wrong.

> if you dont hate onision, then you are racism apolgist, sexism apologist, rape apologist, abuse apologist and are absolutely depraved just like him. im sorry you are the one who needs your life ended, “pyscho”
- …wow.

you bear the scars

Karen receives a call from her super one afternoon while she’s at work, halfway through typing up a fluff piece she hates almost as much as she hates Ellison for assigning it to her. Dylan, in his cracking voice, tells her in a worried tone that her boyfriend had come by and asked to be let in to her apartment.

Karen has a moment of absolute panic. 

“I didn’t know what to do, because he seemed really nice but he was - you know. No offense, Miss Page, but your boyfriend is scary. I think he had a gun.”

“Everyone in this town has a gun, Dylan. You have a gun.”

“Yeah, but it’s not, like, loaded.”

“Never tell anyone that ever again.”

He sounds completely unapologetic, and Karen once again wonders at him. He’s taken over most of the duties for his father, the shithead who owns the building she lives in, and Dylan is for the most part pretty good at making sure she has hot water and that mysterious bullet holes are attended to - but he’s hopelessly naive and seems to think he’s living the dream. “Hey, sure thing. I told him I couldn’t let him in, and he didn’t seem like he was gonna, you know, murder me or anything, but I figured, considering…” He lets the sentence hang for a moment, and Karen can’t tell if it’s a pause or if he’s gotten distracted by a squirrel. “Considering all the weird shit that’s happened to you, you’d probably wanna know. In case he isn’t your boyfriend. Or maybe he is your boyfriend and you had a bad break or…whatever.”

“Dylan. Did he actually say we were together?” She’s fairly certain she knows who would be dumb enough to try to intimidate her poor super into giving him a key, but she can’t be absolutely certain. Maybe she’s totally off base and one of her stories has drawn the wrong kind of attention. Again. As usual.

She needs to get the hell out of this town.

She’s never getting the hell out of this town. 

Dylan sighs. “Well, no, but there was this, like, vibe, you know. Like he.. knew you. In a uh…biblical sense.”

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